•NRLF 


(  Ularietta  HoUey) 

•  ' 


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TO   THE   WEARY   TRAVELLER   WHO    YEARNS   TO    SEE 
UNDER    STRANGE   SKIES   THE    LIGHT   OF   THE 

OLD    HOME    FIRE, 
THIS    BOOK    IS   DEDICATED    BY 

SAM  ANT  HA      AND      JOSIAH. 


M69939 


PREFACE. 


SEZ  Josiah,  as  he  see  me  writin'  this  preface  : 

"  Seems  to  me,  Samantha,  you've  writ  enough 
prefaces." 

(He  wanted  me  to  start  the  supper ;  but,  good 
land  !  it  wuzn't  only  half  past  five,  and  I  had  a 
spring  chicken  all  ready  to  fry,  and  my  cream  biscuit 
wuz  all  ready  for  the  oven,  on  the  kitchen  table.) 

Sez  he,  "  It  seems  to  me  you've  writ  enough  on 
em." 

And  I  sez,  "Wall,  Josiah,  I'd  hate  to  sadden  the 
world  by  sayin'  I  wouldn't  write  any  more." 

And  he  sez,  "  How  do  you  know  it  would  sad 
den  the  world — how  do  you  know  it  would  ?"  And 
he  continued:  "Samantha,  I  hain't  wanted  to 
dampen  you,  but  I  have  always  considered  your 
writin's  weak  ;  naterally  they  would  be,  bein'  writ 
by  a  woman  ;  and,"  sez  he,  as  he  looked  longin'ly 
towards  the  buttery  door  and  the  plump  chicken, 
"  a  woman's  spear  lays  in  a  different  direction." 

And  I  sez,  "  I  thought  I'd  write  some  of  our  ad 
ventures  in  our  trip  abroad — that  happy  time,"  sez 
I,  lookin'  inquirin'ly  at  him. 


viii  PREFACE. 

"  Happy  time  !"  sez  he,  a-kinder  'nashin'  his  teeth 
— " happy!  gracious  Heavens!  Do  you  want  to 
bring  up  my  sufferin's  agin,  when  I  jest  lived 
through  'em  ?" 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  a-gittin'  up  and  approachin'  the 
buttery,  and  takin'  down  the  tea-kettle  and  fryin'- 
pan  and  coffee-pot,  "  I  have  writ  other  things  in  the 
book  that  I  am  more  interested  in  myself." 

He  sot  kinder  still  and  demute  as  I  put  the 
chicken  on  to  fry  in  butter,  and  put  the  cream  bis 
cuit  in  the  oven,  and  poured  the  bilein'  water  on  the 
fragrant  coffee  ;  his  mean  seemed  to  grow  softer, 
and  he  sez  : 

"  Mebby  I  wuz  too  hash  a-sayin'  what  I  did 
about  your  writin's,  Samantha  ;  I  guess  you  write 
as  well  as*  you  know  how  to  ;  I  guess  you  mean 
well ;"  and  as  he  see  me  a-spreadin'  the  snowy  table 
cloth  on  the  little  round  table,  and  a-puttin'  on  some 
cream  cheese  and  some  peach  sass,  he  sez  further  : 

"  Nobody  is  to  blame  for  what  they  don't 
know,  Samantha." 

I  looked  down  affectionately  and  pityin'ly  on 
his  old  bald  head  and  then  further  off — way  off 
into  mysterious  spaces  no  mortal  feet  has  ever  trod, 
and  I  sez  : 

"That  is  so,  Josiah." 


TABLE  OF  CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  PAGE 

PREFACE vii 

LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS xi 

I.  TRAINS  OF  RETROSPECTION i 

II.   A  HEATHEN  MISSIONARY 32 

III.  OFF  INTO  SIDE  PATHS 57 

IV.  SAMANTHA'S  SWORD  OF  TRUTH  AND  JUSTICE  85 
V.   A  HEATHEN'S  STANDARD  OF  MORALITY...  105 

VI.   A  LITTLE  FUN  AND  ITS  PRICE 119 

VII.   THE  EMBARKATION..... 135 

VIII.   LANDING  IN  THE  EMERALD  ISLE 153 

IX.  A  VISIT  TO  BLARNEY  CASTLE 173 

X.     KlLLARNEY,    DUBLIN,     AND    A    WAKE 183 

XI.  JOSIAH  AS  A  BANSHEE 197 

XII.   ROBERT  BURNS  AND  HIGHLAND  MARY....  223 

XIII.  EDINBURGH  AND  MARY  QUEEN  OF    SCOTS..  241 

XIV.  MEMORIES  OF  SIR  WALTER  SCOTT 262 

XV.   OLD  YORK  AND  ITS  CATHEDRAL 281 

XVI.   EDENSOR  AND  THE  DUKE  OF  DEVONSHIRE.  300 

XVII.  JOSIAH  HAS  AN  ADVENTURE. 322 

XVIII.   SHOTTERY  AND  WARWICK  CASTLE 354 

XIX.  THE  LAKE  DISTRICT  AND  ITS  POETS 374 

XX.   THE  ARRIVAL  IN  LONDON 389 

XXI.  WESTMINSTER  AND  PARLIAMENT  HOUSES...  400 


X  TABLE   OF  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  PAGK 

XXII.   SAMANTHA  SEES  A   DOCTOR 4l8 

XXIII.  ST.  PAUL'S  AND  THE  DUKE  OF  WELLINGTON  433 

XXIV.  *  *  THE  WIDDER  ALBERT" 445 

XXV.  A  VISIT  TO  THE  BRITISH  MUSEUM 464 

XXVI.   PARIS  AND  ITS  BEAUTIES 486 

XXVII.   NAPOLEON  AND  OTHER  GREAT  FRENCHMEN.   510 

XXVIII.   GERMANY  AND  BELGIUM 525 

XXIX.  SAMANTHA  CLIMBS  THE  RIGHI 548 

XXX.   MILAN,  GENOA,  VENICE 574 

XXXI.   COLOSSEUM  AND  CATACOMBS 602 

XXXII.   FASHIONABLE   WATERING-PLACES 616 

XXXIII.  CATHEDRALS  AND  CASTLES  IN  SPAIN 627 

XXXIV.  JOSIAH'S  DEVOTION 640 

XXXV.   THE  QUEEN,  ULALEY,  AND  A  BULL-FIGHT.   651 

XXXVI.  A  SPANISH  FUNERAL  AND  A  JONESVILLE  ONE  664 

XXXVII.  AL  FAIZI  SAYS  GOOD-BYE 674 

XXXVIII.  HOME  AGAIN,  FROM  A  FOREIGN  SHORE.  ...   683 

XXXIX.  MARTIN'S  TERRIBLE  LESSON 693 

XL.  GOOD-NIGHT,  LITTLE  PARDNER 707 


LIST  OF   ILLUSTRATIONS. 


"  He  riz  right  up  and  shook   his  fist   at   the  man  with 

the  nightcap" Frontispiece 

Twilight  on  the  broad  ocean i 

Asleep  in  his  narrer  bunk 4 

Two  prettier,  winnin'er  creeters  never  lived  than  them 

two 9 

"  Aunt  Samantha,  where  is  Heaven  ?  Is  it  up  in  the 

sky  ?" 12 

He  sassed  him  and  yelled  out,  "  You  dum  fool,  you, 

throw  me  a  board  !" 16 

"  It  depends  on  whose  lives  they  be" 18 

Josiah  and  me  put  on  our  strongest  specks 27 

It  wuz  very  dressy  when  it  wuz  done 31 

A  dark  figger  that  riz  up  like  a  strange  picter  aginst 

the  sunset 34 

"  I  don't  love  to  hear  that  ;  that  sounds  bad" 39 

"'That  man  is  a  Christian.'  'How  do  you  know?' 

*  Because  he  is  drunk'  ". , 45 

"  Uncle  Sam  a-wadin'  in  sin  up  to  his  old  knee  jints". .  49 

The  game  of  Bulls  and  Bears 52 

Al  Faizi  made  a  deep  bow,  almost  to  the  floor 55 

Sez  I,  a-risin'  up  in  the  democrat,  "  I'll  git  out" 61 

She  met  me  with  a  sweet  smile 68 

Finally,  he  got  to  be  quarrelsome 75 

Ellick  lay  drunk  in  the  office 80 

It  wuz  Ellick  Gurley 87 

"  Yes,  it  wuz  sunthin'  else  ;  it  wuz  you" 97 

"  Save  the  Sam,  it  may  come  in  handy  in  the  futer". . .  102 

With  one  of  his  low,  reverential  bows 112 


xii  LIST    OF    ILLUSTRATIONS. 

PAGE 

As  the  elder  took  it  he  turned  pale 125 

I  took  down  my  old  Atlas 1 3 x 

In  time  to  kiss  us  and  clasp  our  hands  in  partin' 139 

Her  big  blue  eyes  wuz  full  of  tears 142 

Then  took  his  umbrell  and  started  for  the  door 147 

We  tottered  up  on  deck,  two  pale,  thin  figgers 151 

The  lord  with  a  pink  paper  suit  on 157 

With  a  stern  look,  calculated  to  wither  him 166 

We  went  in  what  they  call  a  "  jauntin'  car"    171 

Three  beautiful  lakes 184 

Drinkin'  and  tobacco-smokin'  in  the  little  hovel  drove 

'em  out. 1 89 

Drippin'  wet  when  he  come  back 201 

Alice  stood  there,  white  and  tremblin' 206 

A  dark  figger  a'standin'  up  on  a  little  rock 209 

I  laid  out  to  talk  to  Victoria  on  the  subject 217 

Samantha  and  Ellen  Douglas 219 

This  immortal  pair  of  lovers 230 

The  same  furies  that  pursued  the  drunken  Tarn 238 

Edinburgh  Castle 250 

The  National  Covenant  signed  by  the  Earl  of  Suther 
land 254 

When  Prince  Charlie  and  Flora  Macdonald  parted. . . .  259 

"  I  could  sing  to  you,"  sez  he 263 

"When  they  got  dirty,  jest  wet  a  towel  and  clean  'em 

off" 268 

"  I  never  should  think  of  usin'  it" 274 

Josiah  wuz  dretful  took  with  it 281 

"  What  a  sensation  it  would  create  in  Jonesville  !"....  285 

That  sentinul  twelve  or  fourteen  hundred  years  ago. . .  289 

"  With  the  en4s  of  the  fingers  a-hangin'  down" 294 

Robin  Hood 299 

"  It  don't  pay  to  tussel  with  'em" 301 

Martin  sent  his  card  in 307 

Josiah's  home-made  waterfall 313 

Her  common-sense  shoe 319 


LIST  OF  ILLUSTRATIONS.  xiii 

PAGE 

A  quaint,  old-fashioned  tarvern 322 

Says  he,  "  I'm  a-goin'  back — it  is  my  duty" 328 

Shakespeare's  ghost  reading  the  effusions  on  the  walls 

of  his  house 337 

A  great  many  portraits  of  Shakespeare 344 

The  font  in  which  Shakespeare  was  baptized 350 

The  supper  that  man  eat  wuz  enormous 353 

"  You  couldn't  eat  that  full  of  porridge" 359 

"  The  more  I  see  of  moats,  the  more  determined  I  be 

to  have  one  round  our  house" 362 

"  I  am  going  to  work  for  the  poor" 370 

My  tone  chilled  him  to  the  veins  379 

Martin  with  his  patronizin'  ways , , 384 

A  livin'  poem  bound  up  in  a  girl's  sweet  body 386 

Them  letters  wuz  a  stroke  of  genius 391 

A  hull  soap-box  full 395 

We  stood  long  and  silently  by  the  graves  of  the  great 

dead 401 

An  immense  chair,  the  four  legs  bein'  four  animals..  . .  407 
"  When  I'm  elected  to  Congress  I'm  goin'  to  wear  my 

hat  the  hull  time" 415 

That  little  dude  doctor,  with  his  cane  and  his  eyeglass.  421 
"  I  have  had  some  trouble  with  my  back  lately,  and  I 

want  you  to  look  at  it" 424 

Samantha's  faith  cure 427 

"Yes,"  sez  Josiah,  "old  Domono  probble  had  his 

hands  full  with  her" 442 

"  Almost  in  the  shadow  of  the  Bank  of  England,  I  found 

the  greatest  want  and  wretchedness" 455 

Right  in  front  of  the  tarvern,  I  have  seen  with  my  own 

eyes  as  many  as  five  teams  and  two  open  buggies.  459 
"  Be  you  any  kin  of  Bildad  Henzy,  of  Jonesville  ?"....  468 

Napoleon's  tooth 472 

Josiah  at  the  London  "  Zoo" 477 

"  Calf-o-lay!  I  hain't  a  calf  or  a  ox  !"  he  shouted 486 

"  How  stylish  I  would  look" , 489 


xiv  LIST   OF   ILLUSTRATIONS. 

PAGE 

"  I  don't  spoze  I  could  ever  git  to  be   nigh  so  graceful 

as  she  is" 492 

Josiah,  "  cultered  and  travelled,"  schemes  for  Jones- 

villian  out-door  dinner  parties,  a  la  Paris,  and  how 

Samantha  foresees  the  result 500 

There  wuz  the  clothes  he  wore  that  he  ust  to  button 

over  that  restless,  ambitious  heart 505 

With  his  arms  folded,  and  that  old  hat  of  hisen  on,  and 

his  inscrutable  eyes  fixed  on  the  heights 512 

A-wipin'  my  face  on  sech  genteel  towels 518 

"  I  believe  he'd  sell  the  steelyards  that  Jestice  weighs 

things  in,  if  he  could  git  a  few  cents  for  'em" 523 

"  No  attention  paid  to  rumatiz,  or  meal  times,  or 

corns" 526 

"  A  woman  jest  dressin'  herself — she  seems  all  broke 

UP" 537 

I  thought  more'n  likely  I  should  be  melted  into  tears..    540 
A-leadin'  Adrian  and  a-plannin'  sunthin'  with  him  re- 
latin'  to  a  whistle 543 

A  hogsit  as  big  as  the  Jonesville  tarvern 553 

We  did  indeed   go  slow,  but   sure  ;  for  in   two  hours' 

time  we  arrove  on  the  summit 556 

"  They  have  emulative  Mas,  who  are  bound  that  they 

shan't  be  out-travelled"   561 

Ye-o-lo-leo-leo-leo — the   melogious  cry  of    the   Alpine 

shepherds 563 

Listening  to  the  organ's  grand,  melancholy  voice 566 

I  thought  considerable  about  William  Tell  and  his  ex 
ploits  with  Gessler,  apples,  etc 568 

Divine  realms   of  melody  wuz  brung  to  view  by  his 

heavenly  vision 579 

"  If  this  smell  keeps  on,  and  the  dum  muskeeters  keeps 

on  a-bitin',  one  man  will  'see  Venice  and  die'  "...   581 
"  Next  thing  I'd  know  you'd  have  a  inquisition  a-goin' 

on" 588 

The  Tower  of  Pisa 599 


LIST   OF   ILLUSTRATIONS.  XV 

PAGE 

The  Colosseum 602 

"  The  guides  went   ahead  with    flarin' lights" 607 

Mr.  Goldwind,  one  of  Martin's  business  rivals, .......    616 

"  I  have  faith  that  it  aches  like  the  old  Harry" 623 

I  see  one  of  the  officials  take  up  my  sheep's-head  night 
cap 628 

A  smile  of  admiration  swep'  over  his  dark  visage 628 

Heavey,    rough    carts,    drawed    by    an   ox    and  a  cow 

lashed  together  by  ropes  wound  round  their  horns  631 
At  my  request  he  hooked  up  my  dress  skirt  in  the  back  647 
She  knowed  me  to  once — a  happy  smile  curved  her 

pretty  lips 653 

The  Matador 661 

His  victim 661 

How  cold  his  feet  must  have  been  cold  mornin's 666 

"  I  go  back  to  my  own  country — I  have  many  things  to 

teach  my  people — to  avoid" ' 675 

They  had  sent  Philury  out,  like   a   dove,  on  the   front 

doorstep  to  meet  us 684 

His  looks  wuz  so  onbecomin'  to  a  deacon  and  a  path- 
master 687 

Sez  Martin  agin,  "  I  am   sick  to  death  of  these  ever 
lasting  complaints" 698 

He  fell  down  jest  like  a  log  at  my  feet 701 

A  faithful    creeter  with   a  strong    breath,    caused    by 

stimulants,  I  believe 704 

He   busted   out  into   tears  and   buried  his  face  in  his 

hands 709 

Finis ! 


SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE 


CHAPTER   L*'«  ;,  :    ;- 

TRAINS    OF    RETROSPECTION. 


WILIGHT  on  the  broad 
ocean !     Smooth,   wild 
waste  of  blue-gray  wa 
ters    stretchin'   out    as    fur 
as  the  eye  could  reach  on 
every  side. 

In  the  east  a  silvery 
moon  hangin'  low  and  a  shinin'  path  leadin'  up  to 
it.  In  the  west  Mars  a-dazzlin'  bright  over  a  pale 
pink  sky,  with  streaks  of  yeller  and  crimson  a-layin 


2  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

stretched  acrost  it,  like  bars  put  up  by  angel  hands 
a-fencin'  in  their  world  from  ourn. 

Now  in  a  sunset  in  Jonesville  it  might  seem  as  if 
you  could  put  on  your  sun-bunnet  and  stride  off 
over  hills  and  valleys  and  at  las'  reach  the  Sunset 
Land,  and  peek  over  the  bars  and  ketch  a  glimpse 
of  what  wuz  bey  end. 

It  would  seem  amongst  the  possibles. 

But  here — oh  !  how  fur-off,  illimitable,  uaaproach- 
able,  duz  that  fur-off  glory  look  ! 

And  Mars  seemed  to  wink  that  red  eye  of  hisen 
at  me  mockin'ly  as  I  strained  my  eyes  over  the  long 
watery  plain,  as  if  to  say — "  The  time  has  been  when 
you  wuz  free  to  roam  round,  a-walkin'  off  afoot  ; 
you  may  have  gloated  over  me  in  your  free  thoughts 
and  said— 

"  You  are  fixed  and  sot  up  there,  while  I  am  free 
to  soar  and  sail.  Now,  haughty  female  mortal, 
your  wings  are  clipped — the  time  has  come  when 
your  walkin'  afoot  and  roamin'  round  is  stopped." 

To  think  that  I  myself,  Josiah  Allen's  Wife, 
should  find  myself  on  the  Atlantic  a-hangin'  onto 
the  gunwale  of  the  ship  with  one  hand,  and  a- 
lookin'  off  over  the  endless  waters  below  and  all 
round  me,  and  a-thinkin'  if  I  should  trust  myself  to 
step  out  onto  its  heavey,  treacherous  surface  where 
should  I  go  to,  and  when,  and  why  !  I,  Samantha, 


TRAINS   OF   RETROSPECTION.  3 

who  had  ever  been  ust  to  slippin'  on  my  sun- 
bunnet  andTunnin'  into  Miss  Bobbettses,  or  out 
into  the  garden,  or  out  to  the  hen-house  for  eggs, 
or  down  into  the  orchard,  or  the  wood  paster  for 
recreation  or  cowslips. 

To  think  that  I  wuz  thus  caged  up  as  it  were, 
my  restless  wings  (speakin'  in  metafor)  folded  in 
such  clost  quarters,  with  no  chance  (to  foller  up  the 
metafor)  of  floppin'  'em  to  any  extent. 

Oh !  where  wuz  I  ?  The  thought  wuz  full  of  or. 
Why  wuz  I  ?  This  thought  brung  on  trains  of 
retrospection. 

As  I  sot  in  my  contracted  corner  of  the  aft  fore 
castle  deck,  and  Night  wuz  lettin'  down,  gradual, 
her  starry  mantilly  over  me  and  the  seen,  as  erst  it 
did  over  me  as  I  sot  in  the  sweet,  restful  door-yard 
at  Jonesville.  (Dear  seen,  shall  I  ever  see  thee 
agin  ?) 

I  will  rehearse  the  facts  that  led  to  my  takin' 
this  onpresidented  step. 

My  pardner  is  asleep  in  his  narrer  bunk,  or  ruther 
on  one  of  the  shelves  in  our  cell,  that  are  cushioned, 
and  on  which  our  two  forms  nightly  repose. 

He  is  at  rest.  The  waves  are  asleep,  or  pretty 
nigh  asleep,  the  night  winds  are  hushed,  and  all 
Nater  seems  to  draw  in  her  breath  and  wait  for  me 
as  I  tell  the  tale. 


SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 


ASLEEP  IN  HIS  NARRER  BUNK. 

I  will  begin,  as  most  fashionable  novelists  do,  with 
a  verse  of  poetry— 

"  Backward,  turn  backward  (as  fur  as  Jonesville),  Oh  Time, 

in  thy  flight — 

Make  me   (a  trusty,  short-winded,   female  historian)   jest 
for  to-night." 

It  wuz  now  goin'  on  three  years  sence  Uncle 
Philander  Smith's  son,  Philander  Martin,  named 
after  his  Pa  and  his  Uncle  Martin,  writ  a  line  to 
me  announcin'  his  advent  into  Jonesville.  And  in 
speakin'  of  Philander  I  shall  have  to  go  back,  kinder 
sideways,  some  distance  into  the  past  to  describe 
him. 


TRAINS    OF    RETROSPECTION.  5 

Yes,  I  will  have  to  lead  the  horse  fur  back  to 
hitch  it  on  properly  to  the  wagon  of  my  history,  or 
mebby  it  would  be  more  proper,  under  the  circum 
stances,  to  say  how  fur  I  must  row  my  little  per 
sonal  life-boat  back  to  hitch  it  onto  the  great  steamer 
of  my  statement,  in  order  that  there  shall  be  direct 
smooth  sailin'  and  no  meanderin'. 

Wall,  with  the  first  paddle  of  my  verbal  row-boat, 
I  would  state— 

(And  into  how  many  little  still  side  coves  and 
seemin 'ly  wind-locked  ways  my  little  life-boat  must 
sail  on  her  way  back  to  be  jined  to  the  great  steamer, 
and  how  I  must  stay  in  'em  for  sometime  !  It  can't 
be  helped.) 

Yes,  it  must  have  been  pretty  nigh  three  years 
ago  that  we  had  our  first  letter  from  P.  Martyn 
Smythe. 

He  is  my  second  cousin  on  my  own  side.  And 
he  sot  out  from  Spoonville  (a  neighborin'  hamlet) 
years  ago  with  lots  of  ambition  and  pluck  and 
energy,  and  about  one  dollar  and  seventy-five  cents 
in  money. 

Uncle  Philander,  his  father,  had  a  big  family,  and 
died  leavin'  him  nothin'  but  his  good  example  and 
some  old  spectacles  and  a  cane. 

He  wuz  brung  up  by  his  Uncle  Martin,  a  good- 
natered  creeter,  but  onfaculized  and  shiftless. 


6  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

Young  Martin  never  loved  to  be  hampered,  and 
after  he  got  old  enough  to  help  his  uncle,  he  didn't 
want  to  be  hampered  with  him,  so  he  paeked  up 
his  little  knapsack  and  sot  out  to  seek  his  fortune, 
and  he  prospered  beyend  any  tellin',  bought  some 
mines,  and  railroads,  and  things,  and  at  last  come 
back  East  and  settled  down  in  a  neighborin'  city, 
and  then  got  rid  of  several  things  that  he  found 
hamperin'  to  him.  Amongst  'em  wuz  his  old  name- 
now  he  calls  it  "Smythe." 

Yes,  he  got  rid  of  the  good,  reliable  old  Smith 
name,  that  has  stood  by  so  many  human  bein's  even 
unto  the  end.  And  he  got  rid,  too,  of  his  con 
science,  the  biggest  heft  of  it,  and  his  poor  rela 
tions. 

For  why,  indeed,  should  a  Bill  or  a  Tom  Smith 
claim  relationship  with  a  P.  Martyn  Smythe  ? 

Why,  indeed  !  He  got  rid  of  'em  all  in  a  heap,  as 
it  were,  a-ignorin'  "  the  hull  kit  and  bilein'  of  'em," 
as  Aunt  Debby  said. 

"Never  seen  hide  nor  hair  of  any  of  'em,  from 
one  year's  end  to  the  other,"  sez  Aunt  Debby. 

As  to  his  conscience,  he  got  rid  of  that,  I  spoze, 
kinder  gradual,  a  little  at  a  time,  till  to  all  human 
appearance  he  hadn't  a  speck  left,  of  which  more 
anon. 

But  there  wuz  a  little  of  it  left,  enough  to  leven 


TRAINS   OF   RETROSPECTION.  7 

his  hull  nater  and  raise  it  up,  some  like  hop  yeast, 
only  stronger  and  more  spiritual  (as  will  also  be 
seen  anon). 

Wall,  he  never  seemed  to  know  where  his  cousin, 
she  that  wuz  Samantha  Smith,  lived,  and  his  neck 
seemed  to  be  made  in  that  way — kinder  held  up  by 
his  stiff  white  collar  mebby — that  it  held  his  head 
up  firm  and  immovable,  so's  he  didn't  see  me  nor  my 
Josiah  when  he'd  meet  him  once  in  a  great  while  at 
some  quarterly  meetin'  or  conferences  and  sech. 

I  guess  that  neck  of  hisen  carried  him  so  straight 
that  he  couldn't  seem  to  turn  it  towards  the  old. 
Smith  pew  at  all. 

And  then  he  wuz  dretful  near-sighted,  too  ;  his 
eyes  wuz  affected  dretful  curous. 

Uncle  Mart  Smith,  the  one  P.  Martin  wuz 
named  after,  atted  him  about  it,  for  he  wuz  his 
own  uncle,  and  dretful  shiftless  and  poor,  but  a 
Christian  as  fur  as  he  could  be  with  his  nateral  lazi 
ness  on  him. 

As  I  say,  he  partly  brung  Martin  up.  A  good- 
natered  creeter  he  wuz.  And  one  day  he  walked 
right  up  and  atted  P.  Martyn  Smythe  as  to  why  he 
never  could  see  him. 

And  P.  Martyn  sed  that  it  wuz  his  eyesight ;  sez 
he,  "  I'm  dretful  near-sighted." 

It  made  it  all  right  with    Uncle   Martin,  but  his 


8  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

wife,  Aunt  Debby,  she  sed,  "  Why  can  he  see  bish 
ops  and  elders  so  plain  ?" 

"Wall,"  sez  Uncle  Mart,  "it  is  a  curous  com 
plaint."  And  she  sez— 

"Tain't  curous  a  mite  ;  it's  as  nateral  as  ingrati 
tude,  and  as  old  as  Pharo." 

And  she  and  Uncle  Mart  had  some  words  about  it. 

Wall,  his  eyesight  seemed  to  grow  worse  and 
worse  so  fur  as  old  friends  and  relations  wuz  con 
cerned,  till  all  of  a  sudden — it  wuz  after  my  third 
book  had  shook  the  world,  or  I  spoze  it  did  ;  it 
kinder  jarred  it  anyway,  I  guess — wall,  what 
should  that  man,  P.  Martyn,  do,  but  write  to  me 
and  invite  me  to  the  big  city  where  he  lived. 

Sez  he,  "  Relations  ort  to  cling  closter  to  each 
other  ;"  sez  he,  "  Come  and  stay  a  week." 

I  answered  his  note,  cool  but  friendly. 

And  then  he  writ  agin,  and  asked  me  to  come 
and  stay  a  month.  Agin  my  answer  wuz  Chris 
tian,  but  about  as  cool  as  well  water. 

And  then  he  writ  agin  and  asked  me  to  come 
and  stay  a  year  with  'em.  And  he  would  be  glad, 
he  said,  he  and  his  two  motherless  children,  if  I 
would  come  and  live  with  'em  always. 

This  allusion  to  the  motherless  melted  me  down 
some,  and  my  reply  wuz,  I  spoze,  about  the  tem- 
perture  of  milk  jest  from  the  cow. 


TRAINS   OF   RETROSPECTION. 


TWO     PRETTIER,    WINNIN*ER    CREETERS    NEVER     LIVED    THAN    THEM    TWO. 

But  I  said  that  Duty  and  Josiah  binded  me  to 
my  home  and  Jonesville. 

Wall,  the  next  summer  what  should  P.  Martyn 
do  but  to  write  to  me  that  he  and  Alice  and 
Adrian,  his  two  children,  wuz  a-comin'  to  Jones- 


10  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

ville,  and  would  we  take  'em  in  for  a  week  ?  He 
thought  his  children  needed  fresh  air  and  a  little 
cossetin'. 

Wall,  to  me,  Josiah  Allen's  wife,  who  has  brung 
up  almost  numberless  lambs  and  chickens  by  hand 
as  cossets,  this  allusion  to  "cossetin'"  melted  me  so 
and  warmed  up  my  nater,  that  my  reply  wuz  about 
the  temperture  of  skim  milk  het  for  the  calves. 

So  they  come. 

And  indeed  I  said  then  what  I  say  now,  and  I'll 
defy  anybody  to  dispute  me,  that  two  prettier,  win- 
nin'er  creeters  never  lived  than  them  two  children. 

Alice  wuz  about  sixteen  then,  and  Adrian  wuz 
about  five,  and  wuzn't  they  happy  !  My  hull  heart 
went  out  to  'em,  and  mebby  it  wuz  that  love 
atmosphere  that  wropped  'em  completely  round 
that  made  'em  grow  so  bright  and  cheerful  and 
healthy. 

There  hain't  no  atmosphere  that  is  at  the  same 
time  so  inspirin'  and  so  restful  as  the  heart  atmos 
phere  of  love. 

You  can  always  tell  'em  that  breathe  its  rare, 
fine  atmosphere  by  the  radiance  in  their  faces  and 
the  lightness  of  their  step. 

I  loved  them  two  children  dearly.  They  wuz 
both  as  handsome  as  picters,  Alice  fair  and  slender 
and  sweet  as  a  white  day  lily,  with  big,  happy  blue 


TRAINS    OF    RETROSPECTION.  II 

eyes,  and  hair  of  the  same  gold  color  that  her 
mother  had -had. 

Adrian  had  long  curls  of  that  same  wonderful 
golden  hair,  and  his  eyes  wuz  big,  inspiring  blue 
gray,  and  his  lips  always  seemed  to  hold  a  happy 
secret.  He  had  that  look  some  way. 

Though  what  it  could  be  we  couldn't  tell,  for  he 
talked  pretty  much  all  the  time. 

And  the  questions  he  asked  would  more'n  fill 
our  old  family  Bible,  I'm  sure,  and  I  thought  some 
of  the  time  that  the  overflow  would  fill  Foxe's 
"  Book  of  Martyrs." 

Why,  one  day  we  got  old  Uncle  Smedley  to 
mow  our  lawn  while  Adrian  wuz  there,  and  I  felt 
sorry  that  I  didn't  put  down  the  questions  that 
Adrian  asked  that  perfectly  deaf  man  as  he  trotted 
along  in  his  little  velvet  suit  by  the  side  of  the  lawn 
mower. 

But  then  I  d'no  as  I'm  sorry,  after  all,  for  paper 
is  sometimes  skurce,  and  I  don't  believe  in  ex 
travagance. 

And  how  he  did  love  poseys,  most  of  all  the  Eng 
lish  violets  !  We  had  a  big  bed  of  'em,  and  he  always 
had  a  bunch  of  'em  in  his  little  buttonhole,  and  be 
a-pinnin'  'em  to  my  waist  and  Alice's.  And  he  would 
have  a  big  bunch  in  his  hand,  and  jest  bury  his  face 
in  'em,  as  if  he  wuz  tryin'  to  take  in  their  deep, 


12 


SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 


sweet  perfume  through  his  pores  as  it  wuz.  And 
always  a  little,  low  vase  that  stood  before  his  plate 
on  the  table  would  be  full  of  'em. 

I  wondered  at  it  some,  but  found  out  that  before 
he  wuz  born  his  sweet  Ma  had  jest  sech  a  passion 
for  'em,  and  always  had  her  room  full  of  'em.  And 


"  AUNT  SAMANTHA,  WHERE  is  HEAVEN?    Is  IT  UP  IN  THE  SKY?" 

I  kinder  wondered  if,  in  some  occult  way,  she  wuz 
a-keepin'  up  the  acquaintance  with  her  boy  by 
means  of  that  sweet  and  delicate  language  that  we 
can't  spell  yet,  let  alone  talkin'. 

I  d'no,  nor  Josiah  don't,  but  anyway  Adrian  jest 
seemed  to  live  on  'em  in  a  certain  way,  as  if  they 


TRAINS   OF    RETROSPECTION.  13 

satisfied  some  deep  hunger  and  need  in  his  inmost 
nater. 

And  he  would  sometimes  make  the  old-fashion- 
edest "remarks  I  ever  hearn,  and  praise  himself  up 
jest  as  though  he  wuz  somebody  else.  Not  con 
ceited  at  all,  but  jest  sincere  and  honest. 

One  day  after  family  prayers,  Josiah  had  been 
readin'  about  the  New  Jerusalem,  and  I  spoze 
Adrian's  curosity  wuz  rousted  up,  and  sez  he,  "Aunt 
Samantha,  where  is  Heaven  ?  Is  it  up  in  the  sky,  or 
where  is  it  ?" 

And  I  sez,  "  Sometimes  I  have  thought,  Adrian, 
it  wuz  right  here  all  round  us,  if  we  could  only  see 
it." 

"I  wonder  if  I  could  find  it?"  sez  he,  and  he 
peered  all  round  him  in  the  old-fashionedest  way  I 
ever  see. 

Sez  he,  "  I  spoze  my  pretty  Mamma  is  there  ;  I 
guess  she  wants  me  dreadfully  sometimes  ;  I  am  a 
very  bright  little  boy — I  am  very  agreeable." 

"  But,"  I  sez,  "that  hain't  pretty  for  you  to  talk 
so." 

"  Why,  Papa  sez  I  am,  and  he  sez  I  am  his  wise 
little  partner,  and  my  Papa  knows  everything  that 
wuz  ever  known — he  knows  more  than  any  other 
man  in  the  world." 

And  I  sez  to  myself,  "  No,  he  don't.      He  don't 


14  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

know  enough  to  be  jest,  from  all  I've  hearn  of  his 
doin's." 

But  I  didn't  wonder  that  Adrian  thought  as  he 
did,  or  Alice  either,  for  if  there  wuz  ever  a  indul 
gent  and  lovin'  father  on  earth,  it  wuz  Martin 
Smith. 

Nothin'  wuz  too  good  for  his  children.  He 
adored  'em,  and  tried  to  be  father  and  mother  both 
to  his  motherless  boy  and  girl.  And  money,  so  fur 
as  they  wuz  concerned,  flowed  as  free  as  water. 

P.  Martyn  didn't  stay  but  a  few  days  this  time, 
but  left  the  children  two  weeks  and  come  back  for 
'em. 

He  stayed  right  to  our  house,  and  his  eyesight, 
so  fur  as  the  other  relations  wuz  concerned,  wuz 
jest  the  same.  He  rode  round  considerable  with 
his  children,  and  writ  about  five  thousand  letters, 
and  sent  off  and  received  about  the  same  number 
of  letters  and  telegrams,  and  said  and  assured  us 
at  the  end  of  the  three  days  he  wuz  there,  that  "  it 
wuz  so  sweet  for  him  to  have  sech  a  perfect  rest." 

He  didn't  tell  us  much  about  what  wuz  in  the 
letters,  though  the  last  day  that  he  wuz  there  he  got 
sech  a  enormous  batch  of  'em  that  he  daned  to  ex 
plain  the  meanin'  of  'em  to  Josiah  and  me,  for  we 
both  had  helped  him  to  carry  'em  in.  Sez  he, 
"  There  is  no  such  thing  as  satisfying  the  masses. 


TRAINS   OF   RETROSPECTION.  15 

"  Now,"  sez  he,  "  I've  built  a  line  of  trolley  cars, 
that  are  the  means  of  saving  no  end  of  time,  for  my 
drivers,  if  they  don't  come  up  to  the  swift  schedule 
time  I"  have  marked  down  for  them,  I  discharge 
them  at  once. 

"  They  are  economical,  much  cleaner  and  swifter 
than  horses,  an  invaluable  saving  of  time.  They  are 
convenient,  rapid,  and  cheap.  Now  you  would 
think  that  would  satisfy  them,  but  no  ;  because  they 
run  through  the  most  populous  streets  of  the  city, 
and  because  once  in  awhile  an  accident  takes  place, 
what  do  they  want  ?  They  want  me  to  add  further 
to  the  enormous  expense  I  have  already  been  sub 
jected  to,  and  buy  some  fenders  to  prevent  accidents." 

"  Wall,  hain't  you  goin'  to  ?"  sez  I. 

"  No,"  sez  he,  "  I  am  not.  If  I  do,  they  will 
probably  want  some  sashay  bags  to  hang  up  in  the 
cars,  and  some  automatic  fans  to  fan  them  with  as 
they  ride."  But  I  had  been  a-readin'  a  sight  about 
the  deaths  them  swift  monsters  had  caused,  and  I 
sez— 

"Martin,  life  is  dear,  and  it  seems  as  if  every 
•safeguard  possible  ort  to  be  throwed  round  the 
great  public,  between  'em  and  death." 

"  But,"  sez  he,  "  it  is  impudent  in  them  to  demand 
anything  further  than  what  I've  already  done. 
Horses  were  always  causing  accidents." 


TRAINS   OF   RETROSPECTION.  I/ 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  when  folks  are  in  danger  of 
death,  it  makes  'em  impudent.  Why,  Deacon  Gar- 
vin  sassed  the  minister  when  he  fell  into  the  pond 
at  a  Sunday  School  picnic,  and  the  minister  told 
him  to  call  on  the  Lord  in  his  extremity. 

He  sassed  him  and  yelled  out  to  him,  "  You  dum 
fool,  you,  throw  me  a  board  !" 

Sez  I,  "  Dretful  danger  makes  folks  sassy." 

"Well,  I  won't  be  to  the  expense  of  getting 
them,"  sez  he. 

Sez  I  mildly,  "You  told  Josiah  Allen  and  me 
yesterday  that  you'd  laid  up  two  millions  of  dollars 
sence  you  had  gone  into  this  enterprise.  Now,  as 
a  matter  of  justice,  don't  you  think  that  the  public 
who  have  paid  you  two  millions  of  their  money 
have  a  right  to  demand  these  safeguards  to  life  and 
limb  ?" 

He  waived  off  the  question. 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "in  all  the  last  year  there  have 
not  been  more  than  fifty  lives  lost  in  our  city  from 
these  cars,  and  considering  the  hosts  that  have  been 
carried,  considering  the  convenience,  the  swiftness, 
the  rapidity,  and  etcetera — what  is  fifty  lives  ?" 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "it  depends  on  whose  lives  they 
be.  Now  I  know,"  sez  I,  a-glancin'  at  my  pard- 
ner's  shinin'  bald  head  a-risin'  up  like  a  full  harvest 
moon  from  behind  the  pages  of  The  World— 


i8 


SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 


"  I  know  one  life  that  if  it  went  down  in  dark 
ness  under  them  wheels,  it  would  make  the  hull 
world  black  and  empty.  It  would  take  all  the 
happiness  and  hope  and  meanin'  out  of  this  world, 
and  change  it  into  a  funeral  gloom." 


"  IT    DEPENDS    ON    WHOSE    LIVES   THEY    BE." 

Sez  I,  "It  would  darken  the  world  for  all  who 
love  him."  And  sez  I,  "  Every  one  of  them  fifty 
that  have  gone  down  under  them  death  chariots 
have  left  'em  who  loved  'em.  Hearts  have  ached 
and  broken  as  they  have  looked  at  the  mangled 
bodies  and  the  emptiness  of  life  faced  'em."  Sez 
I,  "Them  rollin'  billows  of  blackness  have  swept 


TRAINS   OF   RETROSPECTION.  19 

over  the  livin'  and  the  lovin'  every  time  them  cruel 
wheels  have  ground  a  bright  human  life  to  death. 

"They  have  mostly  been  children,"  sez  I,  "and 
think  of  the  anguish  mother  hearts  have  endured, 
and  father  love  and  pride — how  it  has  been  crushed 
down  under  the  rollin'  wheels  of  death. 

"  Sometimes  a  father,  who  wuz  the  only  prop  of 
a  family,  has  gone  down.  How  cold  the  world  is 
to  'em  when  the  love  that  wropped  'em  round 
has  been  tore  from  'em  !  Sometimes  a  mother — 
what  can  take  the  place  of  mother  love  to  the 
little  ones  left  to  suffer  from  hunger,  and  naked 
ness,  and  ignorance  ?" 

"  You're  imaginative,  Cousin  Samantha,"  said  he  ; 
but  I  kep'  right  on  onbeknown  to  me. 

"  Who  will  care  for  the  destitute  children  left 
alone  in  the  cold  world  with  no  one  to  care  for  'em 
and  help  'em  ?" 

"  I'll  give  'em  some  money,"  said  little  Adrian, 
who'd  been  leanin'  up  aginst  my  knee  and  listen- 
in'  to  our  talk,  with  his  big,  earnest  eyes  fixed  on 
our  faces. 

"  I'll  give  'em  the  gold  piece  that  papa  gave  me 
yesterday." 

He  had  gin  him  a  twenty  dollar  gold  piece,  for  I 
see  it. 

"  I'll  give  'em   all    I've  got — I'll   work   for    that 


20  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

poor  woman  who  lost  her  little  boy — I'll  work  for 
her  and  help  her." 

"Who'll  work  for  me?"  sez  Martin.  "You're 
to  be  my  partner,  my  boy  ;  remember  that. 
You're  my  little  partner  now — half  of  all  I  own 
belongs  to  you." 

"And  I  will  give  it  all  to  them,"  sez  Adrian. 

But  Martin  went  right  on — "  You  are  to  be 
president  of  this  company  when  I  am  an  old  man  ; 
you're  to  work  for  me." 

"  But  I'll  work  for  those  poor  people,  papa,"  sez 
Adrian,  and  as  he  said  this  he  looked  way  off 
through  his  father's  face,  as  he  sot  by  the  open 
window,  to  some  distance  beyend  him.  And  his 
eyes,  jest  the  color  of  that  June  sky,  looked  big 
and  luminous. 

"  I'll  work  for  them,  papa,"  and  as  he  spoke  a 
sudden  thrill,  some  like  electricity,  only  more  riz 
up  like,  shot  through  my  soul,  a  sudden  and  deep 
conviction  that  he  would  work  for  'em — that  he 
would  in  some  way  redeem  the  old  Smith  name 
from  the  ojium  attachin'  to  it  now  as  a  owner  of 
them  Herod's  Chariots  and  a  Massacreer  of  Inno 
cents.  But  to  resoom. 

All  the  next  day  Adrian  kep'  talkin'  about  it, 
how  he  wuz  goin'  to  be  his  papa's  pardner,  and  how 
he  wuz  a-goin'  to  work  for  poor  folks  who  had 


TRAINS   OF   RETROSPECTION.  21 

lost    their    little    children,    and    wanted    so    many 
things. 

And  the  questions  he  asked  me  about 'em,  and 
about  poor  folks,  though  wearisome  to  the  flesh, 
wuz  agreeable  to  the  sperit. 

Wall,  Martin  called  him  so  much  from  day 
to  day — "  My  little  partner,"  that  we  all  got 
into  the  habit  on't,  and  called  him  so  through  the 
day. 

And  every  evenin'  he  would  come  to  me  and 
say — "  Good-night,  Aunt  Samantha,  good-bye  till 
mornin'." 

And  I  would  kiss  him  earnest  and  sweet,  and  say 
back  to  him,  "  Good-night,  little  pardner,  till  morn 
in." 

And  after  he  went  home,  Josiah  and  I  would 
talk  about  him  a  sight,  and  wonder  .what  the  little 
pardner  wuz  doin',  and  how  he  wuz  lookin'  from 
day  to  day.  And  I  would  often  go  into  the 
parlor,  where  his  picter  stood  on  the  top  shelf  of 
the  what-not,  and  stand  and  look  dreamily  at  it. 
There  he  wuz  in  his  little  black  velvet  suit  and  a 
big  bunch  of  English  violets  pinned  on  one  side. 
The  earnest  eyes  would  look  back  at  me  dretful 
tender  like  and  good.  The  mouth  that  held  that 
wonderful  sweet  and  sort  o'  curous  expression,  as 
if  he  wuz  thinkin'  of  sunthin'  beautiful  that  we 


22  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

didn't  know  anything  about,  would  sort  o'  smile 
back  at  me. 

And  he  seemed  to  be  a-sayin'  to  me,  as  he  said 
that  day  a-lookin'  out  into  the  clear  sky— 

"I'll  work  for  them  poor  people!" 

And  I  answered  back  to  him  out  loud  once  or 
twice  onbeknown  to  me,  and  sez  I,  "  I  believe  you 
will,  little  pardner." 

And  Josiah  asked  me  who  I  wuz  a-talkin'  to. 
He  hollered  out  from  the  kitchen. 

And  I  sez,  "  Ahem — ahem,"  and  kinder  coughed. 
I  couldn't  explain  to  my  pardner  jest  how  1  felt,  for 
I  didn't  know  myself  hardly. 

Wall,  it  run  along  for  some  time — Martin  a-writ- 
in'  to  me  quite  often,  always  a-talkin'  about  his 
little  pardner  and  Alice,  and  how  they  wuz  a-gittin' 
along,  and  a-invitin'  us  to  visit  'em. 

And  at  last  there  came  sech  a  pressin'  invitation 
from  Alice  to  come  and  see  'em  that  I  had  to  succumb. 

But  little,  little  did  I  ever  think  in  my  early 
youth,  when  I  ust  to  read  about  Solomon's  Temple 
and  Sheba's  Splendor,  and  sing  about  Pleasures  and 
Palaces,  that  I  should  ever  enter  in  and  partake  of 
'em. 

Why,  the  house  that  Martin  lived  in  wuz  a  sight, 
a  sight — big  as  the  meetin'-housen  at  Jonesville 
and  Loontown  both  put  together,  and  ornamented 


TRAINS   OF   RETROSPECTION.  23 

with  jest  so  many  cubits  of  glory  one  way,  and  jest 
so  many  cubits  of  grandeur  another.  Wall,  it  wuz 
sunthin'  I  never  expected  to  see  on  earth,  and  in 
another  sphere  I  never  sot  my  mind  on  seein'  car 
pets  that  your  feet  sunk  down  into  as  they  would 
in  a  bed  of  moss  in  a  cedar  swamp,  and  lofty  rooms 
with  stained-glass  winders  and  sech  gildin's  and  or 
naments  overhead,  and  furniture  sech  as  I  never  see, 
and  statutes  a-lookin'  pale  with  joy,  to  see  the 
lovely  picters  that  wuz  acrost  the  room  from  'em  ; 
and  more'n  twenty  servants  of  different  sorts  and 
grades. 

Why,  actually,  Josiah  and  I  seemed  as  much  out 
of  place  in  that  seen  of  grandeur  as  two  hemlock 
logs  with  the  bark  on  'em  at  a  fashionable  church 
weddin'. 

And  nothin'  but  the  pure  love  I  felt  for  them 
children,  and  their  pure  love  for  me,  made  me 
willin'  to  stay  there  a  minute. 

Martin  wuz  good  to  us,  and  dretful  glad  to  have 
us  there  to  all  human  appearance  ;  but  Alice  and 
Adrian  loved  us. 

And  I  hadn't  been  there  more'n  a  few  days  before 
I  see  one  reason  why  Alice  had  writ  me  so  earnest 
to  come — she  wuz  in  deep  trouble,  she  wuz  in  love, 
deep  in  love  with  a  young  lawyer,  one  who  writ  for 
the  newspapers,  too— 


24  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

A  man  who  had  the  courage  of  his  convictions, 
and  had  writ  several  articles  about  the  sufferin's 
of  the  poor  and  the  onjustice  of  rich  men.  And 
amongst  the  rest  he  had  writ  some  cuttin'  but  jest 
articles  about  the  massacreein'  of  children  by  them 
trolley  cars,  and  so  had  got  Martin's  everlastin'  dis 
pleasure  and  hatred. 

The  young  man,  I  found  out,  wuz  as  good  as  they 
make  anywhere  ;  a  noble-lookin'  young  feller,  too, 
so  I  hearn. 

Even  Martin  couldn't  say  a  word  aginst  him, 
for,  in  the  cause  of  Duty  and  Alice,  I  tackled  him 
on  the  subject.  Sez  I,  "  Hain't  he  honest  and  manly 
and  upright  ?" 

And  he  had  to  admit  that  he  wuz,  that  he  hadn't 
a  vice  or  bad  habit,  and  wuz  smart  and  enterprisin'. 

I  held  him  right  there  with  my  eye  till  I  got  an 
answer. 

"  But  he  is  a  fool,"  sez  he. 

Sez  I,  "  Fools  don't  generally  write  sech  good 
sense,  Martin." 

Sez  he  wrathfully,  "  I  knew  your  opinions — I  ex 
pected  you'd  uphold  him  in  his  ungrateful  folly. 

"But  he  has  lost  Alice  by  it,"  sez  he;  "for  I 
never  will  give  my  consent  to  have  him  marry  her." 

Sez  I,  "Then  you  had  never  ort  to  let  him  come 
here  and  have  the  chance  to  win  her  heart,  and  now 


TRAINS    OF    RETROSPECTION.  25 

break  it,  for,"  sez  I,  "you  encouraged  him  at  first, 
Martin." 

"  I  know  I  did,"  sez  he — "  I  thought  I  had  found 
one  honest  man,  and  I  had  decided  on  giving  all 
my  business  into  his  hands.  It  would  have  been 
the  making  of  him,"  sez  he;  "but  he  has  only 
himself  to  blame,  for  if  he  had  kept  still  he  would 
have  married  Alice,  but  now  he  shall  not." 

Sez  I,  "Alice  thinks  jest  as  he  duz." 

"  What  do  women  know  about  business  ?"  he 
snapped  out,  enough  to  take  my  head  off. 

"  If  wimmen  don't  know  anything  about  biz- 
ness,  Martin,  I  should  think  you'd  be  glad  to 
know,  in  case  you  left  Alice,  that  she  and  her  im 
mense  fortune  wuz  in  the  hands  of  an  honest  man. 

"  And  I  want  you  to  consent  to  this  marriage," 
sez  I,  "  in  a  suitable  time — when  Alice  gits  old 
enough." 

"  I  won't  consent  to  it !"  sez  he — "  the  writer  of 
them  confounded  papers  never  shall  marry  my 
daughter." 

"Why,"  sez  I,  "  there's  nothin' harsh  in  the  ar 
ticles."  Sez  I,  "  They're  only  a  strong  appeal  to  the 
pity  and  justice  of  'em  who  are  responsible  for  all 
this  danger  and  horro\v  !" 

"  Well,"  sez  he,  "  I've  made  up  mind,  and  I  never 
change  it." 


26  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

Sez  I,  "  I  d'no  whether  you  will  or  not."  Sez 
I,  "This  is  a  strange  world,  Martin,  and  folks 
are  made  to  change  their  minds  sometimes  onbe- 
known  to  'em." 

Wall,  I  didn't  stay  more'n  several  days  after 
this,  when  I  returned  to  the  peaceful  precincts  of 
Jonesville  and  my  (sometimes)  devoted  pardner, 
and  things  resoomed  their  usual  course. 

But  every  few  days  I  got  communications  from 
Martin's  folks.  Alice  writ  to  me  sweet  letters  of 
affection,  wherein  I  could  read  between  the  lines  a 
sad  background  of  Hope  deferred  and  a  achin' 
heart. 

And  Adrian  writ  long  letters  to  me,  where  the 
spellin'  left  much  to  be  desired,  but  the  good  feelin' 
and  love  and  confidence  in  'em  wuz  all  the  most 
exactin'  could  ask  for. 

And  occasionally  Martin  would  write  a  short  line 
of  a  sort  of  hurried,  patronizin'  affection,  and  the 
writin'  looked  so  much  like  ducks'  tracts  that  it 
seemed  as  if  our  old  drake  would  have  owned  up 
to  'em  in  a  law  suit. 

But  Josiah  and  me  would  put  on  our  strongest 
specks,  and  take  the  letter  between  us,  and  hold  it 
in  every  light,  and  make  out  the  heft  on  it. 

Till  at  last,  one  notable  day,  long  to  be  remem 
bered,  there  come  a  letter  in  Martin's  awful  chirog- 


TRAINS   OF   RETROSPECTION.  2/ 

raphy.  And  when  we  had  studied  out  its  contents, 
we  looked  "at  each  other  in  a  astounded  astonish 
ment  and  a  sort  of  or. 

"Would  I  go  to  Europe  with  him  and  his  children 
as  his  guest?"  He  thought  Alice  seemed  to  be  a 
little  delicate,  and  mebby  the  trip  would  do  her 


JOSIAH    AND    ME   PUT    ON    OUR    STRONGEST    SPECKS. 

good,  and  he  also  thought  she  needed  the  company 
of  some  good,  practical  woman  to  see  to  her,  and 
mother  her  a  little. 

That  last  sentence  tugged  at  my  heart  strings. 

But  my  answer  went  back  by  next  mail— 

"  I  wuz  afraid  of  the  ocean,  and  couldn't  leave 
Josiah." 

The  answer  come  back  by  telegraph— 


28  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

"The  ocean  wuz  safer  than  land,  and  take  Josiah 
along,  too.  He  expected  he  would  go." 

Then  I  writ  back — "  I  never  had  been  drownded 
on  dry  land,  and  didn't  believe  I  should  be,  and 
Josiah  didn't  feel  as  though  he  could  leave  the 
farm." 

Then  Martin  telegrafted  to  Thomas  J.— 

"  Arrange  matters  for  father  and  mother  to  take 
trip.  Send  bill  to  me.  Alice  needs  their  care.  Her 
health  and  happiness  depend  on  it." 

So  he  got  Thomas  Jefferson  on  his  side.  Thomas 
J.  and  Maggie  loved  Alice  like  a  sister.  But  there 
wuzn't  any  bill  to  send  to  Martin,  for  Thomas  J. 
pinted  out  the  facts  that  Ury  could  move  right 
into  the  house  and  take  care  of  everything.  And 
sez  he,  "  The  trip  and  the  rest  will  do  you  both 
good." 

u  But  the  danger,"  sez  I. 

And  he  said,  jest  like  Martin — "  Less  danger  than 
the  land,  better  rates  of  insurance  given,"  etc.,  etc., 
etc. 

And  Maggie  put  in  too,  and  Josiah  begun  to 
kinder  want  to  go. 

And  we  wavered  back  and  forth,  until  a  long  let 
ter  from  Alice,  beggin'  me  and  her  Uncle  Josiah  to 
go  with  her  to  take  care  of  her,  tottled  the  balance 
over  on  the  side  of  Europe. 


TRAINS    OF    RETROSPECTION.  29 

And  Josiah  and  I  began  to  make  preperations  for 
a  trip  abroad- 

Oh  my  heart !  think  on't ! 

I  announced  our  decision  to  Martin  in  a  letter  of 
9  pages  of  foolscap — Josiah  writ  half  of  it — describ- 
in'  our  doubts  and  delays  and  our  final  reasons  for 
decision. 

And  he  telegrafted  back— 

"All  right — start  i4th.  Send  bill  of  expense  to 
me." 

But  there  wuzn't  no  bill  sent,  as  I  said — no,  in 
deed  ! 

I  guess  we  didn't  want  nobody  to  buy  clothes  for 
us — no,  indeed  ! 

As  for  the  travellin'  expenses  of  the  trip,  seem' 
they  thought  we  wuz  necessaries  to  their  com 
fort,  and  seein'  he'd  invited  us,  and  seein'  his 
income  wuz  about  ten  thousand  dollars  an  hour, 
why  we  laid  out  to  let  him  have  his  way  in 
that. 

It  wuzn't  nothin'  that  we'd  ever  thought  on,  and 
then,  as  I  told  Josiah,  we  could  even  it  up  some 
by  invitin'  the  children  to  stay  all  summer  with  us 
next  year. 

So  the  die  wuz  cast  down,  and  the  cloth  wuz 
soon  bought  for  Josiah's  new  European  shirts,  and 
my  own  foreign  nightcap  and  nightgown. 


30  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

As  for  my  clothes,  by  Maggie's  advice  and  assist 
ance,  aided  by  our  two  practical  common  senses, 
the  work  wuz  soon  completed. 

Maggie  said  that  I  must  dress  better  than  I  usu 
ally  did  on  my  towers,  for  the  sake  of  pleasin'  Mar 
tin  and  Alice.  And  she  and  Thomas  J.  made  me  a 
present  of  a  good  black  silk  dress,  and  she  see  to 
makin'  it,  with  one  plain  waist  for  common  wear, 
and  one  dressy  waist,  very  handsome,  with  black 
jet  trimmin'  on  it  for  my  best. 

A  good  gray  alpacky  travellin'  dress,  some  the 
color  of  dust,  with  a  bunnet  of  the  same  color,  and 
a  good  brown  lawn  for  hot  days  wuz  enough,  and 
didn't  take  up  much  room.  Plenty  of  good  under 
clothes  and  a  wool  wrapper  for  the  steamer  com 
pleted  my  trossow. 

Thomas  J.  see  to  it  that  his  Pa  had  a  good-look- 
in'  suit  of  black  clothes  for  his  best,  and  a  suit  of 
pepper  and  salt  for  every  day. 

I  also  made  him  2  new  flannel  nightcaps.  And 
I  myself  had  two  new  nightcaps  made.  In  makin' 
'em,  I  departed  from  my  usual  fashion  of  sheep's- 
head  nightcaps,  thinkin'  in  case  of  a  panick  at  sea, 
and  the  glare  of  publicity  a-bein'  throwed  onto  'em, 
a  modified  sheep's  head  would  appear  better  than 
clear  sheep. 

They  wuz  gathered  slightly  in  the  crown,  and  had 


TRAINS   OF   RETROSPECTION. 


some  very  nice  egm 
on  'em — 2»  cents  per 
yard  at  hullsail — 7  and 
^  retail. 

It  wuz  good  lace. 

They  wuz  very  be- 
comin'  to  my  style. 

I  also  made  Josiah 
a  handsome  dressin'- 
gown  out  of  a  piece 
of  rep  goods  I  had  in 
the  house.  I  had  laid 
out  to  cover  a  lounge 
with  it,  but  I  thought 
under  these  peculiar 
circumstances  Josiah 

needed  it  more'n  the  lounge  did,  and  so  I  made  it 
up  for  him.  I  made  a  cord  with  two  tossels 
to  tie  it  with.  I  twisted  the  cord  out  of  good 
red  and  black  woosted  and  made  the  tossels  of 
the  same. 

It  wuz  very  dressy  when  it  wuz  done.  And  he 
would  have  worn  it  out  visitin'  if  I  had  encouraged 
him  in  it.  He  wuz  highly  delighted  and  tickled 
with  it. 

But  I  tutored  him  that  it  wuz  only  to  wear  in  his 
state-room,  and  in  case  of  a  panick  on  deck. 


IT    WUZ    VERY    DRESSY    WHEN   IT   WUZ    DONE. 


CHAPTER    II. 

A     HEATHEN     MISSIONARY. 

WALL,  I  wuz  a-settin'  in  my  clean  settin'-room 
on  a  calm  twilight,  engaged  in  completin'  my  prep- 
erations — in  fact,  I  wuz  jest  a-puttin'  the  finishin' 
touches  on  one  of  Josiah's  nightcaps  and  mine. 

I  put  cat  stitch  round  the  front  of  hisen,  a  sort 
of  a  dark  red  cat. 

When  all  to  once  I  hearn  a  knock  at  the  west 
door.  I  had  thought  as  I  wuz  a-settin'  a-sewin' 
what  a  beautiful  sunset  it  wuz.  The  west  jest 
glowed  with  light  that  streamed  over  and  lit  up  the 
hull  sky.  All  wuz  calm  in  the  east,  and  a  big 
moon  wuz  jest  risin'  from  the  back  of  Balcom's 
Hill.  It  wuz  shaped  a  good  deal  like  a  boat,  and  I 
laid  down  my  sheep's-head  nightcap  and  set  still 
and  watched  it,  as  it  seemed  moored  off  behind  the 
evergreens  that  stood  tall  and  silent  and  dark, 
as  if  to  guard  Jonesville  and  the  world  aginst  the 
gold  boat  that  wuz  a-sailin'  in  from  some  onknown 
harbor.  But  it  come  on  stiddy,  and  as  if  it  had 
to  come. 

I  felt  queer. 


A   HEATHEN   MISSIONARY.  33 

And  jest  at  that  minute  I  hearn  the  knock  at  the 
west  door.  * 

And  I  went  and  opened  it,  and  as  I  did  the  west 
wuz  flarnin'  so  with  light  that  it  most  blinded  me  at 
first  ;  but  when  I  got  my  eyesight  agin  I  see 
a-standin'  between  me  and  that  light  a  dark  figger 
that  riz  up  like  a  strange  picter  aginst  the  sunset. 

His  back  wuz  to  the  light,  and  his  face  wuz  in 
the  shadder,  but  I  could  see  that  it  wuz  dark 
and  eager,  with  glowin'  eyes  that  seemed  to  light 
up  his  dark  features,  some  as  the  stars  light  up 
the  sky. 

And  he  wuz  dressed  in  a  strange  garb,  sech  as  I 
never  see  before,  only  to  the  World's  Fair.  Yes, 
in  that  singular  moment  I  see  the  value  of  travel. 
It  give  me  sech  a  turn  that  if  I  hadn't  had  the  ad 
vantage  of  seein'  jest  such  costooms  at  that  place, 
I  should  most  probble  have  swooned  away  right 
on  my  own  door-step. 

He  wuz  dressed  in  a  long,  loose  gown  of  some 
dark  material,  and  had  a  white  turban  on  his  head. 
Who  he  wuz  or  where  he  come  from  was  a  mys 
tery  to  me. 

But  I  felt  it  wuz  safe  anyway  to  say,  "Good- 
evenin',"  whoever  he  wuz  or  wherever  he  came 
from  ;  he  couldn't  object  to  that. 

So  consequently  I  said  it — not  a-knowin'  but  he 


34 


SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 


would  address  me  back  in  Hindoo,  or  Sanskrit,  or 
Greek,  or  sunthin'  else  paganish  and  queer. 

But    he    didn't  ;    he    spoke    jest    as    well  as    my 
Thomas  Jefferson    could,  and  when  I   say  that,    I 

say  enough, 
full  enough 
for  anybody, 
only  his  voice 
had  a  little 
bit  of  a  for 
eign  axent  to 
it,  that  put 
me  in  mind 
some  of  the 
strange  odor 
of  Maggie's 
sandal  -  wood 
fan,  sunthin' 
that  is  inheri- 
ent  and  stays 
in  it,  though 
it  is  owned 
in  America, 

and   has  Jonesville  wind   in  it — good,  strong  wind, 
as  good  as  my  turkey  feather  fan  ever  had. 

Sez    he,  "  Good-evening,   madam.     Do  I  address 
Josiah  Allen's  wife  ?" 


A    DARK    FIGGER   THAT    RIZ    UP    LIKE   A    STRANGE 
PICTER    AGINST   THE  SUNSET. 


A   HEATHEN   MISSIONARY.  35 

Sez  I,  "  You  do." 

Sez  he,  "  Pardon  this  intrusion.  I  come  on  par 
ticular  business." 

Whereupon  I  asked  him  to  come  in,  and  sot  a 
chair  for  him. 

I  didn't  know  whether  to  ask  him  to  lay  off  his 
things  or  not,  not  a-seein'  anything  only  the  dress 
he  had  on,  and  not  knowin'  what  the  state  of  his 
clothes  wuz. 

And  after  a  minute's  reflection  on  it,  I  dassent 
venter. 

So  I  simply  sot  him  a  chair  and  asked  him  to  set. 

He  bowed  dretful  polite,  and  thanked  me,  and 
sot. 

Then  there  wuz  a  slight  pause  ensued  and  fol- 
lered  on.  I  wuz  some  embarrassed,  not  knowin' 
what  subject  to  introduce. 

Deacon  Bobbett  had  lost  his  best  heifer  that  day, 
and  most  all  Jonesville  wuz  a-lookin'  for  it,  but  I 
didn't  know  whether  it  would  interest  him  or  not. 

And  Sally  Garvin  had  a  young  babe.  A  paper 
of  catnip  even  then  reposed  on  the  kitchen  table 
a-waitin'  until  her  husband  come  back  to  send  it, 
but  I  didn't  know  whether  that  subject  would  be 
proper  to  branch  out  on  to  a  man. 

So  I  sot  demute  for  as  much  as  half  a  minute. 

And  before  I  could  collect  myself  together  and 


36  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

break  out  in  conversation,  he  sez  in  that  deep,  soft, 
musical  voice  of  hisen— 

"  Madam,  I  have  come  on  a  strange  errand." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  in  a  encouragin'  voice,  "  I  am 
used  to  strange  errents — yes,  indeed,  I  am  !  Why," 
sez  I,  "  this  very  day  a  woman  writ  to  me  from 
Minnesota  for  money  to  fence  in  a  door-yard,  and," 
sez  I,  "  Sime  Bentley  wuz  over  bright  and  early 
this  mornin'  to  borrer  a  settin'  hen.  He  had  plenty 
of  eggs,  but  no  setters." 

Sez  I  in  a  encouragin'  axent,  for  I  couldn't  help 
likin'  the  creeter,  "  I  am  used  to  'em — don't  be 
afraid." 

I  didn't  know  but  he  wuz  after  my  nightgown 
pattern,  and  I  looked  clost  at  his  garb  ;  but  I  see 
that  it  wuz  fur  fuller  than  mine  and  sot  different. 
The  long  folds  hung  with  a  dignity  and  grace  that 
my  best  mull  nightgown  never  had,  and  if  it  wuz 
so,  I  wuz  a-goin'  to  tell  him  honorable  that  his  pat 
tern  went  fur  ahead  of  mine  in  grandeur. 

And  then,  thinks  I,  mebby  he  is  a-goin'  to  beg 
for  money  for  a  meetin'-house  steeple  or  sunthin'  in 
Hindoostan,  and  I  wuz  jest  a-makin'  up  my  mind 
to  tell  him  that  we  hadn't  yet  quite  paid  for  the 
paint  that  ornamented  ourn.  -And  I  wuz  a-layin' 
out  to  bring  in  some  Bible  and  say,  "  Charity  begun 
on  our  own  steeple." 


A   HEATHEN   MISSIONARY.  37 

But  jest  as  I  wuz  a-thinkin'  this  he  spoke  up  in 
that  melodious  voice,  that  somehow  put  me  in  mind 
of  palm  trees  a-risin'  up  aginst  a  blue-black  sky, 
and  pagodas,  and  oasises,  and  things.  Sez  he, 
"Will  you  allow  me  to  tell  you  a  little  of  my 
history  ?" 

I  sez,  "  Yes,  indeed  !  I  am  jest  through  with  my 
work."  Sez  I  frankly,  "  I  have  been  finishin'  some 
nightcaps  for  my  pardner,  and  I  sot  the  last  stitch 
to  'em  as  you  come  in.  I'd  love  to  set  still  and  hear 
you  tell  it." 

So  I  sot  down  in  the  big  arm-chair  and  folded 
my  arms  in  a  almost  luxurious  foldin',  and  listened. 

Sez  he,  "  My  name  is  Al  Faizi,  and  I  am  come 
from  a  country  far  away."  And  he  waved  his  hand 
towards  the  east. 

Instinctively  I  follered  his  gester,  and  his  eyes, 
and  I  see  that  the  gold  boat  of  the  moon  had  come 
round  the  pint,  and  wuz  a-sailin'  up  swift  into  the 
clear  sky.  But  a  big  star  shone  there,  it  stood 
there  motionless,  as  he  went  on. 

Sez  he,  "I  have  always  been  a  learner,  a  seeker 
after  truth.  When  a  small  boy  I  lived  with  my 
uncle,  who  was  a  learned  man,  and  his  wife,  who  was 
an  Englishwoman.  From  her  I  learned  your  lan 
guage.  I  loved  to  study  ;  she  had  many  books. 
She  was  the  daughter  of  a  missionary,  who  died  and 


38  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

left  her  alone  in  that  strange  land.  My  uncle  was 
a  convert  to  her  faith.  She  married  him  and  was 
happy.  She  had  many  books  that  belonged  to  her 
father ;  he  was  a  good  man  and  very  learned  ;  he 
did  my  people  much  good  while  he  lived  with 
them. 

"  I  learned  from  those  books  many  things  that 
our  own  wise  men  never  taught  me,  and  from  them 
I  got  a  great  craving  to  see  this  land.  I  learned 
from  these  books  and  my  aunt's  teachings  taught 
me  when  I  was  so  young  that  truth  permeated  my 
being  and  filled  my  heart,  that  this  land  was  the 
country  favored  by  God — this  land  so  holy,  that  it 
sent  missionaries  to  teach  my  people.  Then  I  went 
to  a  school  taught  by  English  teachers,  but  always 
I  searched  for  truth — I  search  for  God  in  mosque 
and  in  temple.  These  books  said  God  is  here  in 
this  land.  So  I  come.  Many  of  my  people  come 
to  this  great  Fair,  I  come  also  with  them. 

"  But  always  I  seek  the  great  spirit  of  God  I 
came  here  to  find.  I  thought  truth  and  justice 
would  fill  your  temples,  and  your  homes,  and  all 
your  great  cities. 

"  I  come,  I  watch  for  this  Great  Light — I  lis 
tened  for  the  Great.  Voice,  I  see  strange  things,  but 
I  say  nothing,  I  only  think,  but  I  get  more  and 
more  perplexed.  I  ask  many  people  to  show  me 


A   HEATHEN    MISSIONARY.  39 

the  temple  where  God  is,  to  show  me  the  great 
mosque  wheje  Truth  and  Right  dwell,  and  the 
people  are  blessed  by  their  white  shining  light,  for 
I  thought  He  would  be  in  all  the  customs  and 
ways  of  this  wise  people,  so  good  that  they  instruct 
all  the  rest  of  the  world.  I  come  to  learn,  to  wor- 


"I  DON'T  LOVE  TO  HEAR  THAT;   THAT  SOUNDS  BAD." 

ship,  but  I  see  such  strange  things,  such  strange 
customs.  I  see  cruelties  practised,  such  as  my  own 
people  would  not  think  of  doing.  I  keep  silent,  I 
only  think — think  much.  But  more  and  more 
I  wonder,  and  grow  sad. 

"  I  ask  many  men,  preachers,  teachers,  to   show 
me    the    place    where     God    is,    the    great    palace 


40  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

where  truth  dwells.  They  take  me  to  many  places, 
but  I  do  not  find  the  great  spirit  of  Love  I  seek 
for.  I  find  in  your  big  temples  altars  built  up  to 
strange  gods." 

Sez  I  mildly,  "  I  don't  love  to  hear  that  ;  that 
sounds  bad.  I  can  take  you  to  one  meetin'-house," 
sez  I,  "  where  we  don't  have  no  Dagon  nor  snub- 
nosed  idols  to  worship,"  sez  I. 

But  even  as  I  spoke  my  conscience  reproved  me  ; 
for  wuz  there  not  settin'  in  the  highest  place  in  that 
meetin'-house  a  rich  man  who  got  all  his  money  by 
sellin'  stuff  that  made  brutes  of  his  neighbors  ? 

What  wuz  we  all  a-lookin'  up  to,  minister  and 
people,  but  a  gold  beast !  What  wuz  that  man's 
idol  but  Mammon  ! 

And  then  didn't  I  remember  how  the  hull  meetin'- 
house  had  turned  aginst  Irene  Filkins,  who  went 
astray  when  she  wuz  nothin'  but  a  little  girl,  a 
motherless  little  girl,  too  ? 

Where  wuz  the  great  sperit  of  Love  and  Charity 
that  said — "  Neither  do  I  condemn  thee  ;  go  and 
sin  no  more"  ?  Wuz  God  there  ? 

Didn't  I  remember  that  in  this  very  meetin'-house 
they  got  up  a  fair  to  help  raise  money  for  some 
charity  connected  with  it,  and  one  of  the  little  girls 
kicked  higher  than  any  Bowery  girl  ?  Wuz  it 
a-startin'  that  child  on  the  broad  road  that  takes 


A   HEATHEN    MISSIONARY.  41 

hold  on  death  ?  Wuz  we  worshippin'  a  idol  of  Ex 
pediency — doing  evil  that  good  might  come  ? 

There  wuz  poor  ones  in  that  very  meetin'-house, 
achin'  hearts  sufferin'  for  food  and  clothin'  almost,  and 
rich,  comfortable  ones  who  went  by  on  the  other  side 
and  sot  in  their  places  and  prayed  for  the  poor,  with 
their  cold  forms  and  hungry  eyes  watchin'  'em  vainly 
as  they  prayed,  hopin'  for  the  help  they  did  not  get. 

Wuz  we  hyppocrites  ?  Did  we  bow  at  the  altar 
of  selfishness  ? 

Truly  no  Eastern  idol  wuz  any  more  snub-nosed 
and  ugly  than  this  one. 

I  wuz  overcome  with  borrow  when  I  thought  it 
all  over,  and  sez  I — •"  I  guess  I  won't  take  you  there 
right  away;  we'll  think  on't  a  spell  first." 

For  I  happened  to  think,  too,  that  our  good,  plain 
old  preacher,  Elder  Minkley,  wuzn't  a-goin'  to 
preach  there  Sunday,  anyway,  but  a  famous  sensa 
tional  preacher,  that  some  of  the  rich  members 
wanted  to  call.  Yes,  many  hed  turned  away  from 
the  good  gospel  sermons  of  that  man  of  God,  Elder 
Minkley,  and  wanted  a  change. 

Wuz  it  a  windy,  sensational  God  set  up  in  our 
pulpit  ?  I  felt  guilty  as  a  dog,  for  I  too  had  criti 
cised  that  good  old  Elder's  plain  speakin'. 

Al  Faizi  had  sot  me  to  thinkin',  and  while  I  wuz 
a-meditatin'  his  calm  voice  went  on — 


42  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

"  I  came  to  a  city  not  far  away  ;  there  I  saw  some 
words  you  had  written.  I  felt  that  you,  too,  desired 
the  truth.  I  have  come  to  ask  you  if  you  have 
found  it — if  you  have  found  in  this  land  the  place 
where  Love  and  Justice  reign,  and  to  ask  you 
where  it  is,  that  I,  too,  may  worship  there,  and  teach 
the  truth  to  my  people." 

T  wuz  overcome  by  his  simple  words,  and  I  bust 
out  onbeknown  to  me— 

"  I  hain't  found  it."  Sez  I,  and  onconsciously 
I  used  the  words  of  another — "  *  We  are  all  poor 
creeters,'  but  we  try  to  worship  the  true  God — we 
try  to  follow  the  teachin's  of  Him  who  loved  us, 
and  give  His  life  to  us." 

"  The  wise  man  who  lived  in  Galilee  and  taught 
the  people  ?"  sez  he. 

"No,"  sez  I,  "not  the  wise  man,  but  the  Divine 
One — the  God  who  left  His  throne  and  dwelt  with 
us  awhile  in  the  form  of  the  human.  We  try  to 
f oiler  His  teachings — a  good  deal  of  the  time  we 
do,"  sez  I,  honestly  and  sadly. 

For  more  and  more  this  strange  creeter's  words 
sunk  into  my  heart,  and  made  me  feel  queer — queer 
as  a  dog. 

"  I  have  read  His  words.  I  loved  Him  when  a 
boy,  I  love  Him  still.  I  go  into  your  great 
churches  sacred  to  His  name.  I  find  in  one  grand 


A   HEATHEN    MISSIONARY.  43 

church  they  say  He  is  there  alone,  and  not  in  any 
other.  I  go  into  another,  just  as  great,  and  they 
say  He  is  there,  and  not  in  the  one  I  first  visited  ; 
and  then  I  go  to  another,  and  another,  and  yet 
another. 

"All  have  different  ways  and  beliefs.  All  say 
God  is  here  within  the  narrow  walls  of  this  church, 
and  not  in  the  others.  Oh  !  I  get  so  confused,  I 
know  not  what  to  do.  How  can  I,  a  poor  stranger, 
trace  His  footsteps  through  all  these  conflicting 
creeds  ?  I  grow  sad,  and  my  heart  fills  with  doubt 
and  darkness.  Well  I  remember  His  words  that  I 
had  pondered  in  my  heart  when  a  boy—'  That  they 
who  loved  Him  should  bear  the  cross  and  follow 
Him,'  and  love  and  care  for  His  poor.  In  all  these 
great,  beautiful  churches  I  hear  sweet  music.  In 
some  I  see  grand  pictures,  and  note  the  incense 
floating  up  toward  the  Heavens  ;  in  some  I  see  high 
vaulted  roofs,  and  the  light  in  many  glowing  colors 
falls  on  the  bowed  forms  of  the  worshippers.  I  hear 
holy  words,  the  voice  of  prayer,  but  I  see  no 
crosses  borne,  and  all  are  rich  and  grand.  I  go 
down  in  the  low  places.  I  see  the  poor  toiling  on 
unpitied  and  uncared  for.  I  see  these  rich  people 
worship  in  the  churches  one  day,  and  pray — '  Grant 
us  mercy  as  we  are  merciful  to  others.' 

"  And  then  the  next  day  they  put  burdens  on  the 


44  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

poor,  so  hard  that  they  can  hardly  bear  them,  the 
poor,  starving,  dying,  herded  together  like  animals, 
in  wretched  places  unfit  for  dumb  creatures. 

"And  ever  the  rich  despise  the  poor,  and  the 
poor  curse  the  rich — both  bitter  against  each  other, 
even  unto  death. 

"  I  find  no  God  of  Love  in  this. 

"  I  go  into  your  great  halls  where  laws  are  made— 
I  see  the  wise  men  making  laws  to  bind  the  weak 
and  tempted  with  iron  chains — laws  to  help  bad 
men  lead  lives  of  impurity — laws  to  make  legal 
crimes  that  your  Holy  Book  says  renders  one  for 
ever  unfit  for  Heaven.  I  find  no  God  of  Justice  in 
this." 

"  No,"  sez  I,  "  He  hain't  nigh  'em,  and  never 
wuz  !" 

"Well  then,"  sez  he,  "why  do  they  not  find  out 
the  way  of  truth  themselves  before  they  try  to 
teach  other  people  ?" 

"The  land  knows  !"  sez  I  ;  "  I  don't." 

"  Some  of  your  teachers  do  much  good,"  sez  he  ; 
"  they  are  good,  and  teach  some  of  my  people  good 
doctrines.  But  why  ever  are  they  permitted  by 
your  government  to  bring  ways  and  habits  into  our 
land  that  cover  it  with  ruin  ? 

"  I  was  walking  once  with  my  own  relation,  Hadi- 
jah,  unconverted,  and  we  found  one  of  our  people 


THAT   MAN    is    A    CHRISTIAN.'     'How  DO  YOU   KNOW?;     'BECAUSE 

HE   IS    DRUNK.'  " 


46  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

lying  drunken  by  the  wayside,  with  bottles  of  Amer 
ican  whiskey  lying  by  his  side.  *  Boston '  was  marked 
on  them,  a  city,  I  find,  that  considers  itself  the  centre 
of  goodness  and  lofty  thought.  The  bottles  were 
empty.  Hadijah  says  to  me — '  That  man  is  a 
Christian.' 

"  I  said — '  No,  I  think  not.' 

"  *  Yes  he  is,'  said  he. 

" '  How  do  you  know  it  ? '  said  I. 

"  '  Because  he  is  drunk.'  Hadijah,  not  being  yet 
converted,  and  judging  from  appearances  and  from 
the  evidences  of  his  eyesight,  associated  the  ideas 
and  thought  that  in  some  way  drunkenness  was  an 
evidence  of  Christianity.  That  belief  is  largely 
shared  by  all  heathen  people. 

"  And  then  I  open  your  Holy  Book  and  find  it 
written,  *  No  drunkard  shall  inherit  eternal  life,' 
and  I  say  to  myself,  What  does  it  mean  that  these 
holy  people  over  the  seas,  who  try  so  hard  to  con 
vert  us,  should  send  whiskey,  and  Bibles,  and  mis 
sionaries  to  us  all  packed  in  one  great  ship  ?" 

Sez  I — "  The  nation  don't  mean  to  do  it."  Sez  I, 
"It  don't  want  to  do  any  sech  harm." 

"  But  I  hear  of  the  great  power  of  this  nation, 
could  it  not  prevent  it  ?  If  it  could  not  prevent 
it,  it  must  be  a  weak  government  indeed.  And  if 
truly  this  great  country  is  so  weak  and  so  wicked  as 


A   HEATHEN    MISSIONARY.  47 

to  set  snares  for  the  heathens — trying  to  lead  them 
into  paths  tbtat  end  in  eternal  ruin — I  think  why  not 
keep  their  missionaries  in  their  own  land  ?  They 
must  need  them  even  more  than  we  do." 

Sez  I — "  Don't  talk  so,  poor  creeter,  don't  talk  so. 
Missionaries  go  out  to  your  land  fired  with  the 
deathless  zeal  to  save  souls — to  bring  the  knowl 
edge  of  the  Christ  to  all  the  world." 

"  But  if  they  bring  the  knowledge  in  the  way  I 
speak  of,  so  the  heathen  honestly  believes  drunken 
ness  is  the  sign  of  Christianity,  is  it  not  making  a 
mockery  of  what  they  profess  to  teach  ?" 

I  wuz  dumbfoundered.  I  didn't  know  how  to 
frame  a  reply,  and  so  I  sot  onframed,  as  you  may 
say. 

"  I  heard  the  missionaries  say,  and  I  read  it  in 
your  Holy  Book,  that  the  liar  shall  have  his  por 
tion  in  the  lake  that  burns  forever.  The  same 
curses  are  on  them  that  steal  and  on  them  that 
commit  adultery. 

"  I  thought  the  country  that  sends  these  mis 
sionaries,  rebuking  these  sins  so  sharply  -  -  I 
thought  their  country  must  be  pure  and  peaceable 
and  holy  in  its  ways.  I  come  here,  as  I  say,  seeking 
the  Great  Light  to  guide  me.  I  come  here  to  hear 
the  Great  Voice,  so  I  could  go  back  and  carry  its 
teachings  to  our  own  people.  For  I  thought  there 


48  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

must  be  some  mistake,  and  that  the  lessons  failed  in 
some  way  to  carry  the  idea  of  your  great  govern 
ment.  So  I  come,  I  study  ;  and  I  find  that  not 
only  was  your  great  government  willing  to  have  my 
poor  people  enslaved  by  the  drink  habit,  but  it  was 
a  partaker  in  it.  It  sent  over  the  accursed  whiskey 
and  brandy  and  took  a  portion  of  the  pay — a  por 
tion  of  the  money  spent  by  my  poor  people  for 
making  themselves  unfit  for  earth,  and  shutting 
them  forever  out  of  Heaven. 

"  Again,  this  law  that  *  Thou  shalt  not  commit 
adultery,'  that  stands  out  so  plain  in  the  Holy  Book, 
that  divorce  is  only  permitted  for  this  one  cause,  I 
find  this  great  government,  which  by  its  laws  breaks 
even  the  holy  marriage  bonds  by  the  committing  of 
this  sin — I  find  that  this  government  makes  this  sin 
easy  and  convenient  to  commit.  It  grants  licenses 
to  make  it  lawful  and  right. 

"  When  I  get  here  and  study  I  see  such  strange 
things.  Forevermore  I  wonder,  and  forevermore 
I  say — Why  are  not  missionaries  sent  to  this  people, 
who  do  such  things  ? 

11  And  I,  even  I,  so  weak  as  I  am  and  so  ignorant, 
but  fired  as  I  am  by  the  love  of  Christ  Jesus — I  say 
to  myself,  '  I  will  tell  this  people  of  their  sins.  I 
will  try  to  bring  them  to  a  knowledge  of  the  pure 
and  holy  religion  of  Christ.'  " 


"  UNCLE  SAM  A-WADIN'  IN  SIN  UP  TO  HIS  OLD  KNEE  JINTS, 


50  SAMANTHA    IX   EUROPE. 

"  You  come  as  a  missionary,  then  ?"  sez  I, 
a-bustin'  out  onbeknown  to  me.  "  Often  and  often 
I  have  wanted  a  heathen  to  come  over  and  try  to 
convert  Uncle  Sam — poor  old  creeter,  a-wadin'  in 
sin  up  to  his  old  knee  jints  and  over  'em,"  sez  I. 

"Uncle  Sam?"  sez  he;  "I  know  him  not.  I 
meant  your  great  people  ;  I  do  not  speak  of  one 
alone." 

"  I  know,"  sez  I  ;  "  that  is  what  we  call  our 
Government  when  we  are  on  intimate  terms  with 
it." 

"And,"  sez  I,  "you  little  know  what  that  old 
man  has  been  through.  He  wants  to  do  right — he 
honestly  duz ;  but  you  know  jest  how  it  is — how 
mistaken  counsellors  darken  wisdom  and  confound 
jedgment." 

But  the  sweet,  melodious  voice  went  on— 

"  Your  missionaries  preach  loud  to  my  people 
against  the  sins  of  stealing  and  gambling. 

"  But  I  find  that  in  this  country  great  places 
are  fitted  up  for  gambling  and  theft." 

Truly  he  spoke  plain,  but  then  I  d'no  as  I  could 
blame  him. 

"  In  these  places  of  theft  and  gambling,  called 
your  stock  exchanges,  I  find  that  you  have  people 
called  brokers,  and  some  wild  animals  called  bulls 
and  bears,  though  for  what  purpose  they  are  kept 


A   HEATHEN    MISSIONARY.  51 

I   know  not,  unless  it  is  that  they  are  trained  for 
the  Arena.      Lknow  not  yet  all  your  customs. 

"But  this  I  know,  that  your  brokers  gamble  and 
steal  from  the  people — sometimes  millions  in  one 
day.  Which  money,  taken  from  the  common 
people  all  over  this  country,  is  divided  by  these 
brokers  amongst  a  few  rich  men.  Perhaps  then  the 
game  of  bulls  and  bears,  fighting  each  other  for 
their  amusement,  begins.  I  know  not  yet  all  your 
ways. 

"  But  I  know  that  in  one  day  five  million 
bushels  of  wheat  were  bought  and  sold  when  there 
was  no  wheat  in  sight — when  even  during  that  whole 
year  the  crop  amounted  to  only  two  hundred  and 
eighty  millions.  There  were  more  than  two  million, 
two  hundred  thousand  bushels  of  wheat  bought 
and  paid  for  that  never  grew — that  were  not  ever  in 
the  world. 

"  As  I  saw  this,  oh  !  how  my  heart  burned  to 
teach  this  poor  sinful  people  the  morality  that  our 
own  people  enjoy. 

"  For  never  were  there  such  sins  committed  in 
our  country. 

"  I  find  your  rich  men  controlling  the  market- 
holding  back  the  bread  that  the  poor  hungered  and 
starved  for,  putting  burdens  on  them  more  grievous 
than    they    could    bear.     These    rich    men,    sitting 


THE  GAME  OF  BULLS  AND  BEARS. 


A    HEATHEN    MISSIONARY.  53 

with  their  soft,  white  hands,  and  forms  that  never 
ached  with  kbor,  putting  such  high  prices  on 
grain  and  corn  that  the  poor  could  not  buy  to 
eat — these  rich  men  prayed  in  the  morning  (for 
they  often  go  through  the  forms  of  the  holy 
religion)  —  they  prayed,  'Give  us  this  day  our 
daily  bread,'  and  then  made  it  their  first  business 
to  keep  people  from  having  that  prayer  answered 
to  them. 

"They   prayed,    'Lead  us   not   into   temptation,' 
and  then  deliberately  made  circumstances  that  they 
knew  would  lead  countless  poor  into  temptation- 
temptation  of  theft — temptation  of  selling  Purity 
and  Morality  for  bread  to  sustain  life." 

Sez  I,  a-groanin'  out  loud  and  a-sithin'  frequent— 

"  I  can't  bear  to  hear  sech  talk,  it  kills  me  al 
most ;  and,"  sez  I  honestly,  "there  is  so  much  truth 
in  it  that  it  cuts  me  like  a  knife." 

Sez  he,  a-goin'  on,  not  mindin'  my  words — "  I 
felt  that  I  must  warn  this  people  of  its  sins.  I 
must  tell  them  of  what  was  done  once  in  one  of 
our  own  countries,"  sez  he,  a-wavin'  his  hand  in  a 
impressive  gester  towards  our  east  door — 

"  In  one  of  our  countries  the  authorities  learned 
that  stock  exchanges  were  being  formed  at  Osaka, 
Yokohama,  and  Koba. 

"The  police,  all  wearing  disguises,  went  at  once 


54  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

to  the  exchanges  and  mingled  with  the  crowd. 
When  all  was  ready  a  sign  was  given,  the  police 
took  possession  of  the  exchanges  and  all  the  books 
and  papers,  the  doors  were  locked  and  the  prisoners 
secured.  Over  seven  hundred  were  put  in  prison, 
the  offence  being  put  down — '  Speculation  in  mar 
gins.' 

"  I  yearn  to  tell  this  great  people  of  the  way  of 
our  countries,  so  that  they  may  follow  them." 

"A  heathen  a-comin'  here  as  a  missionary!"  sez 
I,  a-thinkin'  out  loud,  onbeknown  to  me.  "Wall,  it 
is  all  right."  Sez  I,  "  It's  jest  what  the  country 
needs." 

But  before  I  could  say  anythin'  further,  at  that 
very  minute  my  beloved  pardner  come  in. 

He  paused  with  a  look  of  utter  amazement.  He 
stood  motionless  and  held  complete  silence  and  two 
pails  of  milk. 

But  I  advanced  onwards  and  relieved  him  of  his 
embarrassment  and  one  pail  of  milk,  and  intro 
duced  Al  Faizi.  Al  Faizi  riz  up  to  once  and  made 
a  deep  bow,  almost  to  the  floor ;  but  my  poor  Jo- 
siah,  with  a  look  of  bewilderment  pitiful  to  witness, 
and  after  standin'  for  a  brief  time  and  not  speakin' 
a  word,  sez  he— 

"  I  guess,  Samantha,  I  will  go  out  to  the  sink 
and  wash  my  hands." 


56  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Truly,  it  vvuz  enough  to  surprise  any  man,  to 
leave  a  pardner  with  no  companion  but  a  sheep's- 
head  nightcap,  partly  finished,  and  come  back  in 
a  few  minutes  and  see  her  a-keepin'  company  with 
a  heathen,  clothed  in  a  long  robe  and  turban. 

Wall,  Josiah  asked  me  out  into  the  kitchen  for 
a  explanation,  which  I  gin  to  him  with  a  few 
words  and  a  clean  towel,  and  then  sez  I — "  We 
must  ask  him  to  stay  all  night." 

And  he  sez,  "  I  d'no  what  we  want  of  that 
strange-lookin'  creeter  a-hangin'  round  here." 

And  I  sez,  "  I  believe  he  is  sent  by  Heaven  to 
instruct  us  heathens." 

And  Josiah  said  that  if  he  wuz  sent  from 
Heaven  he  would  most  probble  have  wings. 

He  didn't  want  him  to  stay,  I  could  see  that,  and 
he  spoke  as  if  he  wuz  on  intimate  terms  with  an 
gels,  a  perfect  conoozer  in  'em. 

But  I  sez,  "  Not  all  of  Heaven's  angels  have 
wings,  Josiah  Allen,  not  yet  ;  but,"  sez  I,  "  they 
are  probble  a-growin'  the  snowy  feathers  on  'em 
onbeknown  to  'em." 


CHAPTER     III. 

OFF    INTO    SIDE    PATHS. 

WALL,  the  upshot  of  the  matter  wuz  Al  Faizi 
stayed  right  there  for  weeks.  He  seemed  to  have 
plenty  of  money,  and  I  d'no  what  arrangement  he 
and  Josiah  did  make  about  his  board,  but  I  know 
that  Josiah  acted  after  that  interview  with  him  in 
the  back  yard  real  clever  to  him,  and  didn't  say  a 
word  more  aginst  the  idee  of  his  not  bein'  there. 

(Josiah  is  clost.) 

As  for  me,  I  would  have  scorned  to  have  took  a 
cent  from  him,  feelin'  that  I  got  more'n  my  pay  out 
of  his  noble  but  strange  conversation. 

But  Josiah  is  the  head  of  the  family  (or  he  calls 
himself  so). 

And  mebby  he  is  some  of  the  time. 

But  suffice  it  to  say,  Al  Faizi  jest  stayed  and 
made  it  his  home  with  us,  and  peered  round,  and 
took  journeys,  and  tried  to  find  out  things  about 
our  laws  and  customs. 

Thomas  Jefferson  loved  to  talk  with  him  the 
best  that  ever  wuz.  And  Al  Faizi  would  make 


58  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

excursions  to  different  places  round,  a-walkin'  most 
ly,  a-seein'  how  the  people  lived,  and  a-watchin' 
their  manners  and  customs,  and  in  writin'  down 
lots  of  things  in  some  books  he  had  with  him, 
takin'  notes,  I  spozed,  and  learnin'  all  he  could. 
One  book  that  he  used  to  carry  round  with  him 
and  make  notes  in  wuz  as  queer  a  lookin'  book  as 
I  ever  see. 

With  sunthin'  on  the  cover  that  looked  some  like 
a  cross  and  some  like  a  star. 

There  wuz  some  precious  stuns  on  it  that  flashed. 
If  it  wuz  held  up  in  some  lights  it  looked  like  a 
cross,  and  then  agin  the  light  would  fall  on't  and 
make  it  look  like  a  star.  And  the  gleamin'  stuns 
would  sparkle  and  flash  out  sometimes  like  a  sharp 
sword,  and  anon  soft,  like  a  lambient  light. 

It  wuz  a  queer-lookin'  book ;  and  he  said,  when  I 
atted  him  about  it,  that  he  brought  it  from  a 
country  fur  away. 

And  agin  he  made  that  gester  towards  the  East, 
that  might  mean  Loontown,  and  might  mean  Ingy 
and  Hindoosten — and  sech. 

After  that  first  talk  with  me,  in  which  he  seemed 
to  open  his  heart,  and  tell  what  wuz  in  his  mind,  as 
you  may  say,  about  our  country,  he  didn't  seem  to 
talk  so  very  much. 

He   seemed  to  be  one   of  the  kind  who  do  up 


OFF   INTO   SIDE   PATHS.  59 

their  talkin'  all  to  one  time,  as  it  were,  and  git 
through  with  it. 

Of  course  he  asked  questions  a  sight,  for  he 
seemed  to  want  to  find  out  all  he  could.  And  he 
would  anon  or  oftener  make  a  remark,  but  to  talk 
diffuse  and  at  length,  he  hardly  ever  did.  But  he 
took  down  lots  of  notes  in  that  little  book,  for  I 
see  him. 

I  enjoyed  havin'  him  there  dretful  well,  and  done 
well  by  him  in  cookin',  etcetery  and  etcetery. 

But  the  excitement  when  he  first  walked  into  the 
Jonesville  meetin'-house  with  Josiah  and  me  wuz 
nearly  rampant.  I  felt  queer  and  kinder  sheepish, 
to  be  walkin'  out  with  a  man  with  a  long  dress,  and 
turban  on,  and  sandals.  And  I  kinder  meached  along, 
and  wuz  glad  to  git  to  our  pew  and  set  down  as 
quick  as  I  could.  But  Josiah  looked  round  him 
with  a  dignified  and  almost  supercilious  mean.  He 
felt  hauty,  and  acted  so,  to  think  that  we  had  a 
heathen  with  us  and  that  the  other  members  of  the 
meetin'-house  didn't  have  one. 

But  if  I  felt  meachin'  over  one  heathen,  or,  that  is, 
if  I  felt  embarrassed  a-showin'"  him  off  before  the 
bretheren  and  sistern,  what  would  I  felt  if  Josiah  had 
had  his  way  about  comin'  to  meetin'  that  day  ? 

Little  did  them  bretheren  and  sistern  know  what 
I'd  been  through  that  mornin'. 


60  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Josiah  wore  his  gay  dressin'-gown  down  to  break 
fast,  which  I  bore  well,  although  it  wuz  strange- 
strange  to  have  two  men  with  dresses  on  a-settin' 
on  each  side  of  me  to  the  table — I  who  had  always 
been  ust  to  plain  vests  and  pantaloons  and  coats 
on  the  more  opposite  sex. 

But  I  bore  up  under  it  well,  and  didn't  say  nothin' 
aginst  it,  and  poured  out  the  coffee  and  passed  the 
buckwheat  cakes  and  briled  chicken  and  etc.  with  a 
calm  face. 

But  when  church-time  come,  and  Ury  brought 
the  mair  and  democrat  up  to  the  door,  and  I  got  up 
on  to  the  back  seat,  when  I  turned  and  see  Josiah 
Allen  come  out  with  that  rep  dressin'-gown  on, 
trimmed  with  bright  red,  and  them  bright  tossels 
a-hangin'  down  in  front,  and  a  plug  hat  on,  you 
could  have  knocked  me  down  with  a  pin  feather. 

And  sez  I  sternly,  "  What  duz  this  mean,  Josiah 
Allen  ?" 

Sez  he,  "  I  am  a-goin'  to  wear  this  to  meetin',  Sa- 
mantha." 

"To  meetin'?"  sez  I  almost  mekanically. 

"  Yes,"  sez  he  ;  "I  am  a-doin'  it  out  of  compli 
ments  to  Fazer ;  he  would  feel  queer  to  be  the  only 
man  there  with  a  dress  on,  and  so  I  thought  I  would 
keep  him  company ;  and,"  sez  he,  a-fingerin'  the  tos 
sels  lovin'ly,  "  this  costoom  is  very  dressy  and  be- 


OFF   INTO    SIDE   PATHS. 


6l 


comin'  to  me,  and  I'd  jest  as  leave  as  not  let  old 
Bobbett  and  Deacon  Garvin  see  me  appearin'  in  it," 

sez  he. 

"  Do  you  go  and  take  that  off  this  minute,  Josiah 
Allen  !  Why,  they'd  call  you  a  idiot  and  as  crazy  as 

a  loon !" 

Sez  he,  a-puttin  his  right  foot  forward  and  stand- 
in'  braced  up  on  it,  sez  he,  "  I  shall  wear  this  dress 
to  meetin'  to-day !" 

Sez  I,  "  You  won't  wear  it,  Josiah  Allen  !" 

Sez  he,  "  You  know  you  are  always  lecturin'  me 
on  bein'  polite.  You  know  you  told  me  a  story 
about  a  woman  who 
broke  a  china  teacup 
a  purpose  because  one 
of  her  visitors  hap 
pened  to  break  hern. 
You  praised  her  up  to 
me;  and  now  I  am 
actin'  out  of  almost  pure 
politeness,  and  you 
want  to  break  it  up,  but 
you  can't,"  sez  he,  and 
he  proceeded  to  git  into 
the  democrat. 

Ury    wuz    a-standin' 


1 


With     his    hands    On    his     SEZ  I.A-RISIN'  UP  IN  THE  DEMOCRAT,  "I'LL  GIT  OUT. 


62  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

sides,  convulsed  with  laughter,  and  even  the  mair 
seemed  to  recognize  sunthin'  strange,  for  she 
whinnered  loudly. 

Sez  I  in  frigid  axents,  "  Even  the  old  mair  is  a 
whinnerin',  she  is  so  disgusted  with  your  doin's, 
Josiah  Allen." 

"  The  old  mair  is  whinnerin'  for  the  colt ! "  sez  he, 
and  agin  he  put  his  foot  on  the  lowest  step. 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  a-risin'  up  in  the  democrat,  with 
dignity,  "  I'll  git  out  and  stay  to  home.  I  will  not 
go  to  church  and  see  my  pardner  took  up  for  wear- 
in'  female's  clothin'." 

He  paused  with  his  foot  on  the  step,  and  a  shade 
of  doubt  swept  over  his  liniment. 

"  Do  you  spoze  they  would?"  sez  he. 

"  Of  course  they  would  !"  sez  I  ;  "  twilight  would 
see  you  a-moulderin'  in  a  cell  in  Loontown." 

"  I  couldn't  moulder  much  in  half  a  day  !"  sez  he. 

But  I  see  that  I  wuz  about  to  conquer.  He  paused 
a  minute  in  deep  thought,  and  then  he  turned  away  ; 
but  as  he  went  up  the  steps  slowly,  I  hearn  him  say 
— "Dum  it  all,  I  never  try  to  show  off  in  politeness 
or  anything  but  what  sunthin'  breaks  it  up  !" 

But  anon  he  come  down  clothed  in  his  good 
honorable  black  kerseymeer  suit,  and  Al  Faizi  soon 
follered  him  in  his  Oriental  garb,  and  we  proceeded 
to  meetin'. 


OFF   INTO    SIDE    PATHS.  63 

As  I  say,  the  excitement  wuz  nearly  rampant  as 
we  went  in.  *  And  I  spoze  nothin'  hendered  the 
female  wimmen  and  men  from  bein'  fairly  pros 
trated  and  overcome  by  their  feelin's,  only  this  fact, 
that  the  winter  before  a  Hindoo  in  full  costoom 
had  lectured  before  the  Jonesville  meetin'-house, 
so  that  memory  kinder  broke  the  blow  some.  And 
then  some  on  'em  had  been  to  the  World's  Fair, 
and  seen  quantities  of  heathens  and  sech  there. 

So  no  casuality  wuz  reported,  though  feather 
fans  wuz  waved  wildly,  and  more  caraway  wuz  con- 
soomed,  I  dare  presoom  to  say,  than  would  have 
been  in  a  month  of  Sundays  in  ordinary  times. 

But  while  the  wonder  and  curosity  waxed  ram 
pant  all  round,  Al  Faizi  sot  silent  and  motionless 
as  the  dead,  with  his  soft,  brilliant  eyes  fixed  on  the 
minister's  face,  eager  to  ketch  every  word  that  fell 
from  his  lips — a-tryin'  to  hear  the  echo  of  the  Great 
Voice  speak  to  him  through  the  minister's  words, 
so  I  honestly  believe. 

For  I  think  that  a  honester,  sincerer,  well-meaii- 
in'er  creeter  never  lived  and  breathed  than  he  wuz  ; 
and  as  days  went  on  I  see  nothin'  to  break  up  my 
opinion  of  him. 

Politer  he  wuz  than  any  female,  or  minister,  I 
ever  see  fur  or  near.  Afraid  of  makin'  trouble  to  a 
marked  extent,  eager  and  anxious  to  learn  every- 


64  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

thing  he  could  about  everything — all  our  laws,  and 
customs,  and  habits,  and  ways  of  thinkin' — and  tellin' 
his  views  in  a  simple  way  of  honest  frankness,  that 
almost  took  my  breath  away — anxious  to  learn,  and 
anxious  to  teach  what  he  knew  of  the  truth. 

Though,  as  I  said,  after  that  first  bust  of  talk  with 
me  he  seemed  inclined  to  not  talk  so  much,  but 
learn  all  he  could.  It  wuz  as  if  he  had  his  say  out 
in  that  first  interview.  Dretful  interestin'  creeter 
to  have  round,  he  wuz — sech  a  contrast  to  the  in 
habitants  of  Jonesville,  Deacon  Garvin  and  the 
Dankses,  etc. 

He  didn't  stay  to  our  house  all  the  time,  as  I  said, 
but  would  take  pilgrimages  round  and  come  back, 
and  make  it  his  home  there. 

Wall,  it  wuz  jest  about  this  time  that  a  contog- 
gler  come  to  our  house  to  contoggle  a  little  for  me. 
I  wanted  some  skirts,  and  some  underwaists,  and 
some  of  Josiah's  old  clothes  contoggled. 

You  know,  it  stood  to  reason  that  we  couldn't 
have  all  new  things  for  our  voyage,  and  so  I  had  to 
have  some  of  our  old  clothes  fixed  up.  You  see, 
things  will  git  kinder  run  down  once  in  awhile— 
holes  and  rips  in  dresses,  trimmin'  offen  mantillys, 
tabs  to  new  line,  and  pantaloons  to  hem  over  round 
the  bottom,  and  vests  to  line  new,  and  backs  to  put 
into  'em,  and  etcetery  and  etcetery. 


OFF   INTO    SIDE   PATHS.  65 

And,  then,  you'll  outgrow  some  of  your  things, 
and  have  to  let  'em  out  ;  or  else  they'll  outgrow  you, 
and  you'll  have  to  take  'em  in,  or  sunthin'. 

Sech  cases  as  these  don't  call  for  a  dressmaker  or 
a  tailoress.  No,  at  sech  times  a  contoggler  is 
needed.  And  I've  made  a  stiddy  practice  for  years 
of  hirin'  a  woman  to  come  to  the  house  every  little 
while  for  a  day  or  two  at  a  time,  and  have  my 
clothes  and  Josiah's  all  contoggled  up  good. 

This  contoggler  I  had  now  wuz  a  old  friend  of 
mine,  who  had  made  it  her  home  with  me  for  some 
time  in  the  past,  and  now  bein'  a-keepin'  house 
happy  not  fur  away,  had  sech  a  warm  feelin'  for  me 
in  her  heart,  that  she  always  come  and  contoggled 
for  me  when  I  needed  a  contoggler. 

She  had  a  dretful  interestin'  story.  Mebby  you'd 
like  to  hear  it  ? 

I  hate  to  have  a  woman  meander  off  into 
side  paths  too  much,  but  if  the  public  are  real 
sot  and  determined  on  hearin'  me  rehearse  her  his 
tory,  why  I  will  do  it.  For  it  is  ever  my  desire  to 
please. 

It  must  be  now  about  three  years  sence  I  had 
my  first  interview  with  my  contoggler.  And  I  see 
about  the  first  minute  that  she  wuz  a  likely  creeter 
—I  could  see  it  in  her  face. 

She  wuz  a  perfect  stranger  to  me,  though   she 


66  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

had  lived  in  Jonesville  some  five  months  prior  and 
before  I  see  her. 

And  Maggie,  my  son's,  Thomas  Jefferson's,  wife, 
hearn  of  her  through  her  mother's  second  cousin's 
wife's  sister,  Miss  Lemuel  I  key.  And  Miss  I  key 
said  that  she  seemed  to  be  one  of  the  best  wim- 
men  she  ever  laid  eyes  on,  and  that  it  would  be  a 
real  charity  to  give  her  work,  as  she  wuz  a  stranger 
in  the  place,  without  much  of  anything  to  git  along 
with,  and  seemed  to  be  a  deep  mourner  about  sun- 
thin'.  Though  what  it  wuz  she  didn't  know,  for 
ever  sence  she  had  come  to  Jonesville  she  had  made 
a  stiddy  practice  of  mindin'  her  own  bizness  and 
workin'  when  she  got  work. 

She  had  come  to  Jonesville  kinder  sudden  like, 
and  she  had  hired  her  board  to  Miss  Lemuel  Ikey's 
son's  widow,  who  kep'  a  small — a  very  small  boardin'- 
house,  bein'  put  to  it  for  things  herself  though, 
likely. 

I  told  Maggie  to  ask  her  mother  to  ask  her 
second  cousin's  wife  to  ask  her  sister,  Miss  Lemuel 
I  key,  to  ask  her  son's  wife  what  the  young  woman 
could  do. 

And  the  word  come  back  to  me  straight,  or  as 
straight  as  could  be  expected,  comin'  through  five 
wimmen  who  lived  on  different  roads. 

"  That    she   wuzn't    a   dressmaker,  or  a  mantilly 


OFF   INTO    SIDE    PATHS.  67 

maker,  or  a  tailoress.  But  she  stood  ready  to  do 
what  she  coukl,  and  needed  work  dretfully,  and 
would  be  awful  thankful  for  it." 

Then  feelin'  deeply  sorry  for  her,  and  wantin'  to 
befriend  her,  I  sent  word  back  in  the  same  way— 
"  To  know  if  she  could  wash,  or  iron,  or  do  fancy 
cookin'.  Or  could  she  make  hard  or  soft  soap  ? 
Or  feather  flowers  ?  Or  knit  striped  mittens  ?  Or 
pick  geese  ?  Or  paint  on  plaks  ?  Or  do  paperin'  ?" 

And  the  answer  come  back,  meanderin'  along 
through  the  five — "  That  she  wuzn't  strong  enough, 
or  didn't  know  how  to  do  any  one  of  these,  but  she 
stood  ready  to  do  all  she  could  do,  and  needed  work 
the  worst  kind." 

Then  I  tackled  the  matter  myself,  as  I  might 
better  have  done  in  the  first  place,  and  went  over  to 
see  her,  bein'  willin'  to  give  her  help  in  the  best  way 
any  one  can  give  it,  by  helpin'  folks  to  help  them 
selves. 

I  went  over  quite  early  in  the  mornin',  bein'  on 
my  way  for  a  all-day's  visit  to  Tirzah  Ann's. 

But  I  found  the  woman  up  and  dressed  up  slick, 
or  as  slick  as  she  could  be  with  sech  old  clothes  on. 

And  I  liked  her  the  minute  I  laid  eyes  on  her. 

Her  face,  though  not  over  than  above  hand 
some,  wuz  sweet-lookin',  the  sweetness  a-shinin'  out 
through  her  big,  sad  eyes,  like  the  light  in  the 


68  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

western  skies  a-shinin'  out  through  a   rift  in  heavy 
clouds. 

Very  pale  complected  she  wuz,  though  I  couldn't 
tell  whether  the  paleness  wuz  caused  by  trouble,  or 
whether  she  wuz  made  so.  And  the  same  with  her 
delicate  little  rigger.  I  didn't  know  whether  that 
frajile  appearance  wuz  nateral,  or  whether  Grief 


SilE    MET    ME    WITH    A    SWEET    SMI  I.E. 


had  tackled  her  with  his  cold,  heavy  chisel,  and  had 
wasted  the  little  rigger  until  it  looked  more  like  a 
child's  than  a  woman's. 

And  in  her  pretty  brown  hair,  that  kinder  waved 
round  her  white  forward,  wuz  a  good  many  white 
threads. 

Of  course  I  couldn't  tell  but  what  white  hair  run 


OFF   INTO   SIDE   PATHS.  69 

through  her  family — it  duz  in  some.  And  I  had 
hearn  it  said  that  white  hair  m  the  young  wuz  a 
sign  of  early  piety,  and  of  course  I  couldn't  set  up 
aginst  that  idee  in  my  mind. 

But  them  white  hairs  over  her  pale  young  face 
looked  to  me  as  if  they  wuz  made  by  Sorrow's 
frosty  hand,  that  had  rested  down  too  heavy  on  her 
young  head. 

She  met  me  with  a  sweet  smile,  but  a  dretful  sad 
one,  too,  when  Miss  Ikey  introduced  me. 

But  when  I  told  my  errent  she  brightened  up 
some.  But  after  settin'  down  with  her  for  more'n  a 
quarter  of  a  hour,  a-questionin'  her  in  as  delicate 
a  way  as  I  could  and  get  at  the  truth,  I  found  that 
every  single  thing  that  she  could  do  wuz  to  con- 
toggle. 

So  I  hired  her  as  a  contoggler,  and  took  her 
home  with  me  that  night  on  my  \vay  home  from 
Tirzah  Ann's  as  sech,  and  kep'  her  there  three 
weeks  right  along. 

I  see  plain  that  she  could  do  that  sort  of  work  by 
the  first  look  that  I  cast  onto  her  dress,  which  wuz 
black,  and  old  and  rusty,  but  all  contoggled  up 
good,  mended  neat  and  smooth,  and  so  I  see,  when 
she  got  ready  to  go  with  me,  wuz  her  mantilly,  and 
her  bunnet ;  both  on  'em  wuz  old  and  worn,  but 
both  on  'em  showed  plain  signs  of  contogglin'. 


7O  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

She  wuz  a  pitiful-lookin'  little  creeter  under  her 
black  bunnet,  and  pitiful-lookin'  when  the  bunnet  wuz 
hung  up  in  our  front  bedroom,  and  she  kep'  on  bein' 
so  from  day  to  day,  as  pale  and  delicate-lookin'  as  a 
posey  that  has  growed  in  the  shade — the  deep  shade. 

And  though  she  kep'  to  work  good,  and  didn't 
complain,  I  see  from  day  to  day  the  mark  that  Suf- 
ferin'  writes  on  the  forwards  of  them  that  pass 
through  the  valleys  and  dark  places  where  She 
dwells.  (I  don't  know  whether  Sufferin'  ort  to  be 
depictered  as  a  male  or  a  female,  but  kinder  think 
that  it  is  a  She.) 

But  to  resoom.  I  didn't  say  nothin'  to  make  her 
think  I  pitied  her,  or  anything,  only  kep'  a  cheerful 
face  and  nourishin'  provisions  before  her  from  day 
to  day,  and  not  too  much  hard  work. 

I  thought  I'd  love  to  see  her  little  peeked  face  git 
a  little  mite  of  color  in  it,  and  her  sad  blue  eyes  a 
brighter,  happier  look. 

But  I  couldn't.  She  would  work  faithful — con- 
toggle  as  I  have  never  seen  any  livin'  woman  con- 
toggle,  much  as  I  have  witnessed  contogglin'. 

And  I  don't  mean  any  disrespect  to  other  contog- 
glers  I  have  had  when  I  say  this — no,  they  did  the 
best  they  could.  But  Miss  Clark  (that  wuz  the 
name  she  gin — Annie  Clark),  she  had  a  nateral  gift 
in  this  direction. 


OFF   INTO    SIDE   PATHS.  7 1 

She  worked  as  stiddy  as  a  clock,  and  as  patient, 
and  patienter^for  that  will  bust  out  and  strike  every 
now  and  then.  But  she  sot  resigned,  and  meek, 
and  still  over  rents  and  jagged  holes  in  garments, 
and  rainy  days  and  everything. 

Calm  in  thunder  storms,  and  calm  in  sunshine, 
and  sad,  sad  as  death  through  'em  all,  and  most 
as  still. 

And  I  sot  demute  and  see  it  go  on  as  long  as  I 
could,  a-feelin'  that  yearnin'  sort  of  pity  for  her  that 
we  can't  help  feelin'  for  all  dumb  creeters  when 
they  are  in  pain,  deeper  than  we  feel  for  talkative 
agony — yes,  I  always  feel  a  deeper  pity  and  a  more 
pitiful  one  for  sech,  and  can't  help  it. 

And  so  one  day,  when  I  wuz  a-settin'  at  my  knit- 
tin'  in  the  settin'-room,  and  she  a-settin'  by  me  sad 
and  still,  a-contogglin'  on  a  summer  coat  of  my  Jo- 
siah's,  I  watched  the  patient,  white  face  and  the  slim, 
patient,  white  fingers  a-workin'  on  patiently,  and  I 
stood  it  as  long  as  I  could ;  and  then  I  spoke  out 
kinder  sudden,  being  took,  as  it  were,  by  the  side 
of  myself,  and  almost  spoke  my  thoughts  out  loud, 
onbeknown  to  me,  and  sez  I  : 

"  My  dear!"  (She  wuzn't  more'n  twenty-two  at 
the  outside.) 

"  My  dear  !  I  wish  you  would  tell  me  what  makes 
you  so  unhappy  ;  I'd  love  to  help  you  if  I  could." 


72  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

She  dropped  her  work,  looked  up  in  my  face  sort 
o'  wonderin',  yet  searchin'. 

I  guess  that  she  see  that  I  wuz  sincere,  and 
that  I  pitied  her  dretfully.  Her  lips  begun  to  trem 
ble.  She  dropped  her  work  down  onto  the  floor, 
and  come  and  knelt  right  down  by  me  and  put  her 
head  in  my  lap  and  busted  out  a-cryin'. 

You  know  the  deeper  the  water  is,  and  the  thicker 
the  ice  closes  over  it,  the  greater  the  upheaval  and 
overflow  when  the  ice  breaks  up. 

She  sobbed  and  she  sobbed  ;  and  I  smoothed  back 
her  hair,  and  kinder  patted  her  head,  and  babied  her, 
and  let  her  cry  all  she  wanted  to. 

My  gingham  apron  wuz  new,  but  it  wuz  fast  col 
or  and  would  wash,  and  I  felt  that  the  tears  would 
do  her  good. 

I  myself  didn't  cry,  though  the  tears  run  down 
my  face  some.  But  I  thought  I  wouldn't  give  way 
and  cry. 

And  this,  the  follerin',  is  the  story,  told  short 
by  me,  and  terse,  terser  than  she  told  it,  fur.  For 
her  sobs  and  tears  and  her  anguished  looks  all  punc 
tuated  it,  and  lengthened  it  out,  and  my  little  groans 
and  sithes,  which  I  groaned  and  sithed  entirely  on- 
-beknown  to  myself. 

But  anyway  it  wuz  a  pitiful  story. 

She  had  at  a  early  age  fell  in  love  voyalent  with 


OFF   INTO    SIDE    PATHS.  73 

a  young  man,  and  he  visey  versey  and  the  same* 
They  wuz  dretful  in  love  with  each  other,  as  fur  as 
I  could  make  out,  and  both  on  'em  likely  and  well 
meanin',  and  well  behaved  with  one  exception. 

He  drinked  some.  But  she  thought,  as  so  many 
female  wimmen  do,  that  he  would  stop  it  when  they 
wuz  married. 

Oh  !  that  high  rock  that  looms  up  in  front  of 
prospective  brides,  and  on  which  they  hit  their 
heads  and  their  hearts,  and  are  so  oft  destroyed. 

They  imagine  that  the  marriage  ceremony  is 
a-goin'  in  some  strange  way  to  strike  in  and  make 
over  all  the  faults  and  vices  of  their  young  pardners 
and  turn  'em  into  virtues. 

Curous,  curous,  that  they  should  think  so,  but 
they  do,  and  I  spoze  they  will  keep  on  a-thinkin' 
so.  Mebby  it  is  some  of  the  visions  that  come  in 
the  first  delerium  of  love,  and  they  are  kinder  crazy 
like  for  a  spell.  But  tenny  rate  they  most  always 
have  this  idee,  specially  if  love,  like  the  measles, 
breaks  out  in  'em  hard,  and  they  have  it  in  the  old- 
fashioned  way. 

Wall,  as  I  wuz  a-sayin',  and  to  resoom  and  pro 
ceed. 

Annie  thought  he  would  stop  drinkin'  after  they 
wuz  married.  He  said  he  would.  And  he  did  for 
quite  a  spell.  And  they  wuz  as  happy  as  if  they 


^4  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

had  rented  a  part  of  the  Garden  of  Eden,  and  wuz 
a-\vorkin'  it  on  shares. 

Then  his  brother-in-law  moved  into  the  place, 
and  opened  a  cider-mill  and  a  saloon — manafac- 
tered  and  sold  cider  brandy,  furnished  all  the 
saloons  round  him  with  it,  took  it  off  by  the  load 
on  Saturdays,  and  kep'  his  saloon  wide  open,  so's 
all  the  boys  and  men  in  the  vicinity  could  have 
the  hull  of  Sunday  to  git  crazy  drunk  in,  while  he 
wuz  a-passin'  round  the  contribution-box  in  the 
meetin'-house. 

For  he  wuz  a  strict  church-goer,  the  brother-in- 
law  wuz,  and  felt  that  he  wuz  a  sample  to  foller. 

Wall,  Ellick  Gurley  follered  him — follered  him 
to  his  sorrer.  The  brother-in-law  employed  him  in 
his  soul  slaughter-house — for  so  I  can't  help  callin' 
the  bizness  of  drunkard-makin'.  I  can't  help  it, 
and  I  don't  want  to  help  it. 

And  so,  under  his  influence,  Ellick  Gurley  wuz 
led  down  the  soft,  slippery  pathway  of  cider  drunk 
enness,  with  the  holler  images  of  Safety  and  old 
Custom  a-standin'  up  on  the  stairway  a-lightin'  him 
down  it. 

Ellick  first  neglected  his  work,  while  his  face 
turned  first  a  pink,  and  then  a  bloated,  purplish  red. 

Then  he  begun  to  be  cross  to   his  wife   and  abu- 

o 

sive  to  little  Rob,  the  beautiful  little  angel  that  had 


FINALLY,  HE  GOT  TO  BE  QUARRELSOME. 


76  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

flown  to  them  out  of  the  sweet  shadows  of  Eden, 
where  they  had  dwelt  the  first  married  years  of 
their  life. 

Finally,  he  got  to  be  quarrelsome.  Annie  wuz 
afraid  of  him.  And  all  of  his  money  and  all  of 
hern  went  to  buy  that  cider  brandy  (it  makes  the 
ugliest,  most  dangerous  kind  of  a  drunk,  they  say, 
of  any  kind  of  liquor,  and  I  believe  it  from  what 
I  have  seen  myself,  and  from  what  Annie  told  me 
of  her  husband's  treatment  of  her  and  little 
Rob). 

And  at  last  she  begun  to  suffer  for  food  and 
clothin'  for  herself  and  the  child.. 

And  as  the  drink  demon  riz  up  in  Ellick's  crazy 
brain,  and  grew  more  clamorous  in  its  demands, 
and  he  weaker  to  contend  aginst  it,  Ellick  sold 
all  of  the  household  stuff  he  could  git  holt  of  to 
appease  this  dretful  power  that  had  got  holt  of  him, 
body  and  soul. 

Annie  took  in  all  the  work  she  could  do,  did 
washin'  for  the  neighbors,  who  ust  to  envy  her 
her  happiness  and  prosperity — rubbed  and  hung 
out  the  heavy  garments  with  tremblin'  fingers- 
sewed  with  her  achin'  head  a-bendin'  over  the  long 
seams,  and  her  tear-filled  eyes  dimmed  with  the 
pain  of  unavailin'  agony. 

But  heartaches  and  abuse  made  her  weak  form 


OFF   INTO    SIDE    PATHS.  77 

weaker  and  weaker,  and  then  there  wuz  but  little 
work  to  do,  if  she  had  been  as  strong  as  Samp 
son  ;  so,  bein'  fairly  drove  to  it  by  Agony,  and 
Fear,  and  Starvation,  them  three  furies  a-drivin' 
her,  as  you  may  say,  harnessed  up  three  abreast 
behind  her,  a-goadin'  her  weak,  cowerin'  form  with 
their  fire-tipped  lashes,  she  appealed  to  the  broth 
er-in-law. 

She  told  him,  what  he  knew  before,  that  she  and 
little  Robbie  were  starvin',  and  she  wuz  afraid  of 
her  life,  and  she  urged  him  to  not  sell  Ellick  any 
more  of  the  poison  that  wuz  a-destroyin'  him. 

He  wuz  to  meetin'  when  she  went.  He 
wuz  dretful  particular  about  his  religious  observ 
ances. 

No  Hindoos  wuz  ever  stricter  about  burnin' 
their  widders  on  the  funeral  pyre  of  the  departed 
than  he  wuz  a-follerin'  up  what  he  called  his  re 
ligion. 

(Religion,  sweet,  pure  sperit,  how  could  she  stand 
it,  to  have  him  a-burnin'  his  incense  in  front  of 
her  ?  But,  then,  she  has  had  to  stand  a  good  deal 
in  this  old  world,  and  has  to  yet.) 

But,  as  I  wuz  a-sayin',  there  never  wuz  a  Pharisee 
in  old  or  modern  times  that  went  ahead  of  him  in 
cleanin'  the  outside  of  his  platters  and  religious 
deep  dishes,  and  makin'  broad  the  border  of  his 


78  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

phylakricy.  Why,  his  phylakricy  wuz  broader  and 
deeper  than  you  have  any  idee  on. 

But  inside  of  his  platters  and  deep  dishes  wuz 
dead  men's  bones  ! 

More'n  one  quarrel,  riz  up  out  of  his  accursed 
brandy,  had  led  to  bloodshed,  besides  achin'  and 
broken  hearts  without  number,  and  ruined  souls 
and  lives. 

And  his  phylakricy  ort  to  be  broad,  for  it  had  to 
be  used  as  a  pall  time  and  agin,  and  it  covered,  so 
he  thought,  a  multitude  of  sins. 

Yes,  indeed  ! 

Wall,  as  I  say,  he  wuz  to  a  church  meetin'. 
There  wuz  a-goin'  to  be  a  Association  of  Religious 
Bodies  for  the  Amelioration  of  Human  Woe.  And 
he  wuz  anxious  to  be  sent  as  a  delegate,  so  he  hung 
on  to  the  last,  and  wuz  appinted. 

But  finally  he  got  home,  and  Annie  tackled 
him  on  the  subject  nearest  her  heart,  talked  to 
him  with  tears  in  her  eyes  and  a  voice  tremblin' 
with  the  anguished  beatin's  of  her  poor,  achin' 
heart. 

She  begged  him  to  not  sell  her  husband  any 
more  drink,  begged  him  for  her  sake  and  for  the 
sake  of  little  Rob.  For  she  knew  that  if  the  man 
had  a  tender  place  in  his  heart  it  wuz  for  his  little 
nephew.  He  did  love  him  deeply,  or  as  deep  as  a 


OFF   INTO    SIDE   PATHS.  79 

man  like  thistould  love  anything  above  his  money 
and  his  reputation  as  a  religious  leader. 

But  he  wouldn't  promise,  and  he  acted  dretful 
high-headed  and  hateful  to  her  to  cover  up  his 
meanness,  for  he  felt  that  if  he  should  refuse  to  sell 
his  stuff,  it  would  not  only  stop  his  money-makin', 
but  it  would  be  like  ownin'  up  that  he  had  been  in 
the  wrong. 

And  he  plumed  himself,  and  carried  the  idee  that 
cider  wuz  a  healthful  beverage,  and  very  strength- 
enin'  in  janders  and  sech.  Why,  he  carried  the 
idee  to  the  world,  and  mebby  in  the  first  place  he 
did  to  his  own  soul,  so  blindin'  is  the  spectacles  of 
selfishness  that  he  wore,  that  he  wuz  a-doin'  a 
charitable  work  a-keepin'  that  old  cider-mill  and 
saloon  a-goin'. 

So  he  wouldn't  pay  no  attention  to  her  pleadin's, 
only  acted  hateful  and  cross  to  her,  his  guilty  con 
science  makin'  him  so,  I  spoze. 

And  then,  too,  he  wuz  in  a  hurry,  for  his  church 
duties  wuz  a-waitin'  for  him,  and  his  barrels  of  cider 
wanted  doctorin'  with  alcohol  and  sech. 

So  he  turned  onto  his  heel  and  left  her. 

And  Annie  went  home  more  broken-hearted  than 
ever,  for  his  cold,  cruel  sneers  and  scorn  hurt  her  on 
the  poor  heart  made  sore  by  her  husband's  brutality. 

And  Ellick   went   on   worse   than  ever.     And  it 


8o 


SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 


wuz  on  that  very  day  that  his  brother-in-law  (and 
to  make  it  shorter  we  will  call  him  B.  I.  L.) — it 
wuz  on  the  very  day  that  the  B.  I.  L.  went  to  New 
York  on  his  great  Amelioratin'  Human  Misery 
errent,  that  Ellick,  crazy  drunk  with  cider  shampain, 
struck  little  Rob  sech  a  blow  that  it  knocked  the 
child  down,  and  he  laid  stunted  for  more'n  a  hour. 
And  he  threatened  Annie  that  he  would  take  her 
life,  because  she  interfered  between  him  and  the  boy. 

He  raved  round,  like  the  maniac  that  he  wuz.  He 
said  that  he  would  throw  her  out  doors  if  she  didn't 
git  a  good  dinner,  when  there  wuzn't  a  mite  of 
food  in  the  house  to  cook.  He  raved  about  the 
house  bein'  so  freezin'  cold,  \vhen  there  wuzn't  a 
stick  of  wood  nor  a  lump  of  coal. 

And  finally  he  reeled  off  to  his  usual  place  of 
resort.  And  while  the  B.  I.  L.  \vruz  a-raisin'  up  in 
the  great  meetin'-house,  and  a-smoothin'  out  his 
phylakricy,  and  a-layin'  the  border  of  it  careful,  so's 
it  would  show  off  well,  and  then  bustin'  out  into 
sech  a  speech,  on  the  duties  of  church-members  to 
the  sinful  and  the  sorrowin'  round  'em — a  speech 
that  riz  him  up  powerful  in  religious  circles — Ellick 
lay  drunk  in  the  office  of  his  cider-mill. 

Little  Rob  lay  like  a  dead  child  in  a  cold,  bare 
room,  and  a  white-faced,  half-starved  mother  bent 
over  him  with  big,  despairin',  anxious  eyes — 


LLICK    LAY    DRUNK   IN   THE    OFFICE. 


OFF   INTO    SIDE   PATHS.  8 1 

bent  over  him  till  life  come  back  to  his  poor, 
bruised  body  ;  and  then  as  darkness  crept  over  the 
earth  she  stole  away,  a-carryin'  him  in  her  arms. 

She  got  a  ride  with  a  passin'  teamster,  got  carried 
fur  off,  then  got  another  ride,  wuz  fed  and  warmed 
by  pityin'  hearts  on  the  way ;  so  she  come  to  a 
place  nigh  Jonesville,  onbeknown  to  anybody. 

When  Ellick  rousted  up  out  of  his  drunken 
sleep  he  went  back  to  a  desolate,  empty  house.  His 
surprise,  his  grief,  sobered  him.  He  flew  to  the 
B.  I.  L.,  woke  him  out  of  a  sound  sleep  filled  with 
visions  of  his  triumphs. 

The  B.  I.  L.  wuz  in  a  tryin'  place.  He  wuz 
about  to  be  riz  up  to  a  high  position  in  the  meetin'- 
house.  If  this  story  got  out,  it  might  and  probble 
would  hurt  him.  Annie  must  be  found  and 
brought  back.  They  jined  forces  to  try  to  find  her. 
They  sot  out  that  very  day,  but  the  quest  wuz  a 
long  one. 

Annie  stayed  a  spell  with  the  family  who  took 
her  in  first  out  of  the  cold  and  the  darkness. 

The  man  of  the  house,  and  the  woman,  too,  wuz 
relations  on  the  soul  side  to  the  good  old  Samaritan 
mentioned  in  Skripter.  They  did  well  by  her. 

But  little  Rob  never  got  over  the  effects  of  the 
cruel  blow,  and  the  fall  on  the  hard  floor,  and  the 
awful  journey  through  the  coldness  of  the  midnight 


82  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

escape.  They  all  sort  o'  underminded  his  little  con 
stitution,  and  he  wuz  took  sick  a  bed. 

And  bein'  too  tired  out  and  hardly  dealt  with 
here  on  earth,  he  wuz  promoted  up  to  that  higher 
home,  where  we  may  be  sure  that  his  True  Father, 
the  Helper  of  all  the  oppressed  and  burdened,  ac 
cepted  him  right  into  His  great  heart  of  Love,  and 
wuz  good  to  the  little,  patient  soul. 

Wall,  Annie  couldn't  tell  me  much  about  that 
time,  when  she  had  to  let  the  child,  a  part  of  her 
own  life,  go  out  of  her  arms,  and  she  wuz  left 
alone — alone  amongst  strangers,  helpless,  despairin', 
and  poor. 

No,  she  couldn't  talk  much  about  it,  not  in  words, 
but  I  understood  the  language  of  her  tremblin'  lips 
and  her  fallin'  tears. 

Wall,  when  little  Rob  wuz  laid  away  under  the 
dead  grasses  and  the  bare  shade  trees  of  that  .little 
country  church-yard,  Annie  couldn't  stay  long  in 
the  house  where  he  had  been  and  now  wuz  not. 

His  little  figger  hanted  every  room,  and  her  ago 
nized  Remembrance  wuz  a-walkin'  up  and  down 
with  her.  So  she  heard  of  a  place  in  Jonesville 
where  mebby  she  could  git  work,  and  she  come 
there. 

But  lately  news  had  come  to  her  that  her  hus 
band  and  B.  I.  L.  wuz  huntin'  for  her. 


OFF   INTO    SIDE   PATHS.  83 

Ellick  really  and  truly  loved  his  wife  and  child, 
so  it  wuz  spozed,  and  hunted  for  Love's  and  Anx 
iety's  sakes. 

The  B.  I.  L.  hunted  'em  so's  to  hush  up  the 
story  ;  it  wuz  a-hurtin'  him  dretfully  in  the  eyes  of 
the  meetin'-house.  And  Anger  and  Selfishness  and 
Hypocrocy  wuz  a-holdin'  up  their  blue-flamed 
torches  to  light  him  on  his  hunt. 

Wall,  Annie  wuz  in  deathly  fear  that  they 
would  find  her.  She  had  took  another  name — her 
mother's  maiden  name — but  she  wuz  afraid  they 
would  find  it  out. 

She  said  that  she  could  not  live  to  go  through 
agin  what  she  had  gone  through  with.  And  yet 
when  I  pinned  her  right  down  on  the  subject  (a 
calm,  religious  pinnin')  she  owned  up  that  she  did 
love  her  husband  yet.  She  cried  when  she  said  it. 

And  I  thought  to  myself  that  I  would  cry  if 
I  wuz  in  her  place,  if  I  loved  such  a  thing  as  that. 

But  she  said,  and  mebby  it  wuz  so,  that  he  would 
have  been  all  right  if  it  hadn't  been  for  the  influence 
of  the  B.  I.  L.  and  his  bein'  gradual  led  back  into 
drinkin'  agin  by  sunthin'  that  he  thought  wouldn't 
hurt  him.  She  said  that  he  never  would  have 
touched  whiskey  agin,  havin'  promised  and  broke 
off. 

But  he  thought,  somehow,  that  the  liquid  sech  a 


84  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

highly  religious  man  \vuz  a-sellin'  under  the  name  of 
cider  must  be  sort  o'  soothin'  to  his  insides  ;  but  in 
stead  of  that  it  set  fire  to  'em,  and  his  morals  and 
all,  and  burnt  'em  right  up. 

Annie  showed  me  Ellick's  picter,  and  it  wuz  a 
good-lookin'  face,  or  kinder  good  ;  it  would  have 
been  handsome  if  it  hadn't  been  for  a  sort  of  a  weak 
look  onto  it. 

But  weak  or  strong,  she  loved  him.  And  so  I 
didn't  really  know  how  she  wuz  a-comin'  cut  so  fur 
as  her  own  happiness  wuz  concerned.  Wimmen  are 
so  queer. 

But  I  chirked  her  up  all  I  could,  told  her  to  keep 
jest  as  calm  as  she  could  conveniently,  and  I  would 
take  care  of  her  for  the  present. 


CHAPTER   IV. 

SAMANTHA'S  SWORD  OF  TRUTH  AND  JUSTICE. 

WALL,  if  you'll  believe  it,  it  wuz  the  very- 
next  day  I  had  a  occasion  to  go  to  Jonesville 
for  some  necessaries  ;  and  Josiah  wuz  busy  a-mak- 
in'  a  new  stanchil  in  the  barn,  so  I  sot  off  alone 
after  breakfast  with  a  large  pail  of  good  butter,  and 
a  cross-cut  saw  that  Josiah  had  sent  down  to  be 
filed,  and  the  mair. 

Wall,  jest  about  a  mild  from  our  house  is  a 
old  tarvern  that  has  been  fixed  up  and  is  used 
now  as  a  sort  of  a  half-way  house  between  Jones 
ville  and  Loontown.  Teamsters  and  sech  stop 
there  a  sight  to  git  "  Refreshments  for  man  and 
beast,"  as  the  sign  reads. 

Wall,  I  had  got  most  there  when  I  see  a  man 
approachin'  me  a-walkin'  afoot.  And  I  knew  him 
the  first  minute  I  sot  my  eyes  on  him. 

It  wuz  Ellick  Gurley. 

And  the  very  minute  I  sot  my  eyes  onto  his 
face  Duty  and  Principle  both  hunched  me  up 
hard  to  tackle  him  in  this  matter. 

Wall,  most  probble  he  had  been  hangin'  round 


86  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

for  some  time,  for  he  knew  me  the  first  thing,  and 
he  come  up  to  the  side  of  the  democrat  wagon  I 
wuz  a-ridin'  in,  bold  as  brass,  and  he  sez  : 

"  Is  this  Josiah  Allen's  wife  ?"  sez  he. 

"  Yes,  sir,"  sez  I,  up  clear  and  decided. 

"  Is  a  woman  calling  herself  Anna  Clark  at  your 
house  ?" 

I  wuzn't  a-goin'  to  fight  for  Annie  with  any  pew 
ter  weepons  of  untruth.  No,  I  wuz  a-goin'  to  fight 
with  the  two-edged  sword  of  Eternal  Truth  and 
Jestice,  and  I  took  'em  out  and  whetted  'em  (as  it 
were),  and  sez  I,  sharp  and  keen— 

"  Yes,  sir !" 

"  Well,"  sez  he,  lookin'  dretful  defiant  and  mad  at 
me,  "  she  is  my  wife,  and  I  hereby  forbid  you  har 
boring  her,  for  I  will  pay  no  debts  of  her  con 
tracting." 

"  Like  as  not,"  sez  I  coolly,  "  as  you  never  paid 
any  of  your  own." 

He  kinder  -blushed  up  some,  but  he  went  on 
some  as  if  he  wuz  a-rehearsin'  a  piece  he  had 
learnt : 

"  She  has  left  my  bed  and  board  !" 

Then  I  waved  that  sword  of  Truth  agin  that  I  had 
been  a-whettin',  and  sez  I— 

"It  wuz  her  bed.  Her  mother  gin  it  to  her  for 
her  settin'  out,  and  picked  every  feather  in  it  from 


88  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

her  own  geese  and  ganders.  I  got  it  from  Annie's 
own  lips,  and  you  sold  it  for  drink.  As  for  the 
boards,"  sez  I  candidly,  for  even  in  the  midst  of 
the  fiercest  battle  with  the  forces  of  wrong  I  must 
be  jest  to  my  foe,  and  so  sez  I— 

''As  for  the  piece  of  board  you  speak  of,  I  d'no 
whose  it  wuz,  but  I  believe  it  wuz  hern.  Any 
way,  I  know  she  earnt  every  mite  of  food  and 
drink  you  took  into  your  miserable  body." 

And  the  remembrance  of  Annie's  wrongs  and 
woes  so  overmastered  me,  that  I  sez  right  out— 

"  You  drunken,  low-lived  snipe,  you  !  how  dast 
you  be  comin'  round  that  good  little  creeter,  and 
tryin'  to  git  her  back  into  her  starvation  and  slav 
ery,  and  peril  of  life  and  limb  ?  How  dast  you, 
you  drunken  coot,  you  ?"  sez  I,  a-lookin'  two  or 
three  daggers  at  him  and  some  simeters. 

He  quailed.  I  d'no  as  I  ever  see  signs  of  quail 
any  plainer  than  I  see  it  in  him. 

But  he  muttered  sunthin'  about — "A  man's 
having  a  right  to  his  wife  and  child." 

"A  right  ?"  sez  I  ;  "do  you  dast  to  look  anybody 
in  the  face  and  talk  of  your  right  to  wife  and  child, 
when  it  wuz  your  poor,  abused,  half-starved  wife's 
weak  arms  and  mighty  love  that  riz  up  between 
you  and  your  child  and  murder  ?  Riz  up  between 
you  and  the  gallows  ?" 


SAMANTHA'S  SWORD  OF  TRUTH  AND  JUSTICE.     89 

He  quailed  deeper,  fur  deeper  than  he  had 
quailed,  and  his  lips  trembled. 

And  I  see  ifnder  the  quail,  come  to  look  clost  at 
him,  that  there  wuz  a  kinder  good-hearted  look  un 
der  all  the  weakness  and  dissipated  look  of  his  face. 
I  see,  or  thought  I  see,  that  it  wuz  bad  influences 
that  had  led  him  astray,  and  if  he  had  kep'  under 
good  influence  and  away  from  bad  ones  (the  B.  I.  L. 
and  his  hard  cider,  etc.),  I  thought  like  as  not, 
from  the  generous  lay  of  his  features,  that  he 
might  have  been  a  tolerable  good-lookin'  feller  and 
behaved  middlin'  well. 

And  that  is  why  I  spozed  that  Annie  looked  so 
heart-broken,  that  wuz  why,  I  spoze,  that,  in  spite  of 
all  she  had  underwent,  my  contoggler  loved  him. 

But  anon  he  sprunted  up  some  and  said  sunthin' 
about  bein'  bound  to  have  his  wife. 

And  I  waved  my  sword  of  Jestice  agin  (men 
tally)  and  sez— 

"  Wall,  I  am  bound  that  you  shan't  have  her,  and 
you'll  see,"  sez  I,  "  who'll  carry  the  day  !" 

And  then  he  sez,  "  What  right  have  you  to  inter 
fere  ?  \Vhat  relation  are  you  to  her  ?" 

And  sez  I,  a-liftin'  up  my  head  in  a  very  noble 
way — "  The  same  relation  that  the  Samaritan  wuz 
to  the  man  by  the  wayside.  She's  my  relation  on 
the  heart's  side,  the  Pity  and  Sympathy's  side. 


9O  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

Closter  ties  than  the  false,  shaky  ones  that  bound 
her  to  a  life  of  slavery  and  danger  with  you — bound 
her  to  you,  who  promised  to  protect  her,  and  then 
half-murdered  her.  And  you'll  find  out  so  !"  sez 
I,  a-lookin'  as  bold  as  brass,  but  in  my  heart 
I  quaked  considerable,  not  knowin'  but  I  wuz  a-goin' 
agin  the  hull  statute  and  constitution  and  by-laws 
of  the  U.  S.  of  America. 

But  I  spoze  my  mean  skairt  him.  It  had  sech 
determination  and  courage  into  it,  and  he  sez— 

"  I  will  go  and  call  my  brother-in-law.  He  is  a 
rich  and  respectable  man  and  very  religious.  I  will 
bring  him  to  talk  with  you." 

"  Wall,  do  so  !"  sez  I,  bold  as  a  lioness  on  the 
outside.  "  I'd  love  to  set  my  eyes  onto  that  creeter, 
jest  out  of  curosity,  jest  as  I  would  look  at  a  me 
nagerie  of  wild  beasts  and  man-eaters." 

So  he  went  back  into  the  tarvern  and  brung  him. 

He  wuz  a  mean-lookin'  creeter  in  his  face, 
and  he  wuz  short  in  stattcr,  and  his  figger  looked 
sort  o'  sneakin'  under  the  weight  of  guilt  he  wuz 
a-carryin'  round  under  the  cloak  of  religion. 

And  his  little  black  eyes  looked  guilty,  and  his  hull 
face,  under  some  kinder  red  hair,  looked  withered 
and  hardened,  as  if  his  doin'  for  years  what  he  knew 
wuz  wicked  had  hardened  his  face  into  a  cruel  mean 
ness.  He  looked  mean  as  mean  could  be. 


SAMANTHA'S  SWORD  OF  TRUTH  AND  JUSTICE.     91 

But  hejtried  to  hold  his  head  up,  and  he  bust  out 
the  first  thing  about  takin'  the  law  to  me  ! 

"  You  take  the  law  to  me  !  you  !  " 

And  oh  !  how  my  simeter  of  Truth  and  Jestice 
jest  flashed  round  that  man's  short,  meachin'  figger. 

"  You  take  the  law  on  anybody,  you  mean  cree- 
ter  you  !  who  have  brung  all  this  sin  and  misery  to 
pass  for  your  own  selfishness.  You,  who  took  the 
good-tempered,  weak  boy  and  poured  your  poison 
down  his  throat  till  you  flooded  out  all  his  moral 
sense  and  husbandly  and  fatherly  affection,  and  filled 
up  the  empty  space  with  the  demons  of  Hatred  and 
Brutality  and  crazy  quarrelin's  ! 

"  You  talk  of  law,  \vho  stole  away  every  mite  of 
that  poor  girl's  happiness  and  every  cent  of  her 
money  for  your  cursed  drink  ! 

"  You,  who  drove  out  of  their  home  the  sweet 
angel  of  Happiness,  who  used  to  board  with  'em 
stiddy,  and  drove  in  your  beasts  of  prey  ! 

"  You  ruined  her  happiness,  you  starved  her,  you 
broke  her  heart,  and  now  you  want  her  back  to  tor 
ment  her  agin  ! 

"  Wall,  you  won't  have  her,  unless  you  take  her 
over  my  prostrate  form  !" 

The  B.  I.  L.  wuz  half  skairt  to  death,  and  he 
stood  demute. 

But   Ellick   broke   in  with    tremblin'    lips.      He 


92  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

stopped  talkin'  about  Annie  for  a  spell,  bein',  I 
spoze,  perfectly  overcome  by  my  eloquence.  And 
he  begun  on  another  tack,  and  sez  he  in  tremblin' 
axents— 

"  I  want  my  boy,"  sez  he,  "  I  will  have  my  child  !  " 
And  I  see  that  he  did  have  a  deathly  longin'  and 
hungry  look  in  his  eyes.  I  could  see  that  he  did 
love  his  wife  and  child,  deep  and  earnest.  And  I 
felt  a  little  mite  tenderer  towards  him,  not  much, 
for  I  kep'  a-thinkin'  of  how  Annie's  face  had  looked 
as  she  come  and  throwed  herself  at  my  feet. 

The  memory  of  that  white  face  and  them  big,  an 
guished  eyes  riz  my  heart  up  and  kep'  it  from  meltin' 
right  down  under  the  agony  of  that  man's  look. 

The  B.  T.  L.,  whose  selfishness  had  done  the 
hull  work,  he  too  looked  a  heartfelt  anxiety  about 
the  boy.  I  see  that  he  loved  him  too,  and  wuz 
proud  of  him. 

But,  as  I  say,  the  memory  of  the  Giant  Wrong  that 
had  struck  down  Annie  and  the  boy  stood  right  by 
me  and  nerved  me  up,  and  I  sez— 
"  You  can't  have  the  child  !" 
Then  Ellick  flared  right  up,  and  sez  he— 
"  I  will  have  the  child,  and  I'll  let  you  know  that 
I  will !  I  am  his  natural  guardian,  and  I'll  let  you 
know  that  the  law  is  on  my  side,  and  I  can  take  him, 
and  I  will  take  him !" 


SAMANTHA  S   SWORD    OF   TRUTH   AND   JUSTICE.        93 

"  No,"  sez  I,  "  you  can't  take  him  !" 

"  He  can  !"  sez  the  B.  I.  L.,  speakin'  up  sharp  as 
a  meat-axe — u-he  can  ;  nobody  loves  the  child  as  well 
as  we  do  ;  and  he  is  the  child's  natural  guardian, 
and  we  can  take  him  away  from  any  place  you  have 
put  him  in." 

And  agin  I  sez,  "  No  you  can't,  not  from  the  place 
he  is  in  now.  The  boy  has  got  another  gardeen  now, 
a  better  one." 

"  Another  guardian  !"  sez  the  father  ;  "  well,  I  will 
tear  him  right  out  of  his  hands  ;  I  will  make  him 
give  him  up !" 

He  wuz  jealous  as  a  dog,  I  could  see,  of  the  gardeen. 

"  No  you  won't !"  sez  I. 

"Yes  he  will!"  sez  the  B.  I.  L.  ;  " we'll  teach 
him  what  the  law  is,  and  that  a  father  can  get  his 
boy  every  time  !" 

"  Not  this  time  !"  sez  I  ;  "  this  gardeen  is  power 
ful  and  kind,  too  ;  and  he  has  got  him  in  a  safe 
place.  He  wuz  misused  and  kicked  and  beaten 
and  half  starved  ;  but  he  has  enough  now  ;  he  has 
got  a  home  of  plenty  and  rest  and  happiness.  He 
is  safe,"  sez  I. 

"  No  matter  how  safe  it  is  we  will  have  him  right 
out  of  it !"  sez  the  B.  I.  L. 

"  He  is  my  child,  and  I  will  have  him  !"  says 
Ellick  Gurley. 


94  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

"No,"  sez  I,  "you  can't  have  him.  You  can't 
pull  that  tender  little  body  out  of  the  grave  to  mis 
use  it  agin.  You  can't  draw  the  sweet  little  sperit 
out  of  God's  happy  home  to  torment  it  agin.  The 
Lord  is  his  father  and  his  gardeen  now,  and  He 
will  keep  the  boy  !" 

"  Dead  !"  cried  the  B.  I.  L.,  and  he  staggered 
back  like  a  drunken  man,  and  his  face  turned  white 
as  a  bleached  white  cotton  shirt. 

"  Dead  !  my  baby  dead !"  sez  Ellick  Gurley. 
"Then  I  am  his  murderer  !" 

And  he  threw  up  his  arms  as  if  he  had  received  a 
pistol  shot  right  in  his  heart,  and  then  he  fell  jest 
like  a  log  right  down  in  the  road.  Wall,  I  disem 
barked  from  my  democrat,  and  by  the  time  the 
B.  I.  L.  had  got  him  up  in  a  more  settin'  poster  on  a 
log  by  the  side  of  the  road,  I  wuz  by  him  a-holdin' 
his  head  and  a-chafin'  his  hands  and  his  forward. 

When  he  come  to  and  riz  up  and  sot  upright,  his 
first  words  wuz— 

"  Oh  !  poor  Annie  !  poor  girl  !  how  did  she  bear 
it,  all  alone  with  our  dead  boy  !  Oh  !  my  boy  ! 
my  boy  that  I  killed  !" 

I  see  plain  that  there  wuz  good  in  the  man,  after 
all. 

But  the  B.  I.  L.  had  by  this  time  sprunted  up, 
and  wuz  a-thinkin'  of  his  phylakricy,  and  a-pullin'  it 


SAMANTHA'S  SWORD  OF  TRUTH  AND  JUSTICE.     95 

over  himself  and  Ellick,  and  seemed  anxious  to  sort 
o'  hush  him  up,  and  sez  he— 

"  It  wasn't  *your  doings,  it  wasn't  the  accident 
that  killed  the  boy,  it  was  probably  something  else." 

"  Yes;"  sez  I,  lookin'  at  the  B.  I.  L.  straight  in 
the  face — "yes,  it  wuz  sunthin' else,  it  wuz  you  ! 
You  smooth-faced,  selfish  hyppocrite,  you  ;  it  wuz 
your  doin's  that  killed  the  boy  !  If  you  had  left  his 
Pa  alone,  and  not  led  him  into  a  condition  fit  to 
murder,  jest  to  put  a  few  cents  into  your  own 
pocket,  the  boy  would  have  been  alive  and  happy 
to-day,  and  so  would  Ellick  and  Annie."  Sez  I, 
"  It  wuz  your  doin's,  and  you  don't  want  to  forgit 
it !"  sez  I. 

He  quailed,  he  quailed  hard,  and  sez  he— 

"  You  talk  like  a  fool !" 

"  No,"  sez  I  ;  "you  are  the  fool,  for  it  is  the 
fool  that  hath  said  that  there  is  no  God,  and  you 
see  there  is,"  sez  I — "  a  God  that  punishes  sin,  who 
is  even  now  a-punishin'  you ;  a  God  who  said, 
"  Cursed  is  he  who  putteth  the  cup  to  his  neighbor's 
lips."  Sez  I,  "  You  have  prospered  and  grown  rich 
in  your  bizness  of  beast-makin',  and  you  didn't  be 
lieve  there  wuz  Eternal  Jestice  a-watchin'  over  your 
sinful  deeds,  and  you  find  now  that  you  wuz  a  fool 
to  believe  it.  For  you  find  now  that  there  is  a  God. 
You  find  now  that  you  are  cursed  for  your  sin  in 


96  SAMANTHA    IN   EUROPE. 

makin'  murderers  and  assassins  and  wife-beaters  and 
child-killers  !" 

Sez  I,  "  You  loved  little  Rob  ;  your  bad  heart  is 
achin'  now  this  minute  to  think  it  wuz  your  hand 
that  dealt  out  the  poison  that  reached  him  through 
his  father's  weakness  and  miserable  vice  !" 

He  wuz  demute.  He  didn't  say  a  word,  but  a 
look  come  over  his  face  that  I  don't  want  to  see 
agin.  He  didn't  want  to  give  up  and  own  up  his 
guilt  and  repent,  and  he  wuz  jest  crushed  right  down 
about  little  Rob.  He  wuz  jest  tested  both  ways, 
between  agony  and  selfishness.  He  didn't  want  to 
give  up  his  profitable  bizness  of  beast-makin',  and  he 
wuz  horrow  struck  to  think  that  his  own  little  idol 
had  fell  a  victim. 

His  face  looked  like  a  humbly  fallen  angel's,  or 
how  I  sp.oze  they  look.  I  never  see  one  fall. 

He  didn't  say  another  word,  but  turned  on  his 
heel  and  walked  off. 

The  last  word  he  said  to  me,  as  I  stated  hereto 
fore,  wuz  callin'  me  "  a  fool." 

But  I  didn't  care  for  that.      I  knew  I  wuzn't. 

But  still  that  broken-hearted  father,  that  wretched, 
lonesome  husband  sot  there  by  the  side  of  the  road. 
Finally  he  spoke— 

"  Can  I  see  Annie  ?" 

"  No,  sir  !"  sez   I   plain  and  square — jest  as  plain 


98  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

and  jest  as  square  as  if  my  own  heart  wuzn't 
a-achin',  and  a-achin'  hard,  too,  for  the  miserable, 
broken-hearted  man. 

My  tears,  if  they  fell,  and  I  spoze  they  did  from 
my  feelin's,  fell  inside  of  my  head ;  for  I  wouldn't 
let  him  have  a  chance  to  misuse  and  torment  that 
good  little  creeter  agin,  not  if  I  could  help  it. 

He  trembled  like  a  popple  leaf.  He  wuz  paler 
than  any  dish-cloth  I  ever  see,  and  I  see  my  advan 
tage,  and  I  hardened  my  heart,  some  like  Pharo's, 
only  a  more  pious  hardenin',  for  it  wuz  done  on 
principle. 

"  You  talk  of  wantin'  that  poor  girl  to  go  back 
to  your  cold,  naked  home,  to  hardship,  to  starvation, 
to  wretchedness — bodily  wretchedness  and  heart 
wretchedness.  For  she  loves  you  still,  you  poor 
snipe,  you ;  she  loves  you,  fool  that  she  is,  but 
wimmen  are  weak." 

I  see  his  face  grow  brighter  for  a  minute,  and 
then  turn  pale  as  death  agin. 

"  Will  she  forgive  me  ?"  sez  he  in  axents  weak  as 
a  cat,  and  weaker,  too,  and  fur  hopelesser  than  any 
cat  I  ever  see. 

"  Not  if  I  can  help  it  !"  sez  I  heartlessly  (on  the 
outside)  and  boldly. 

"  I'll  do  better.  I'll  promise  her  to  not  drink 
another  drop  !" 


SAMANTHA'S  SWORD  OF  TRUTH  AND  JUSTICE.      99 

"  Promises  are  cheap,"  sez  I  in  a  lofty  way, 
a-lookin'  up  into  a  tree,  for  his  pale  face  weakened 
me,  and  I  felt^that  I  must  be  strong.  So  I  looked 
up  into  the  tree  overhead.  It  wuz  a  slippery  ellum, 
but  I  held  firm. 

"  Promises  are  cheap  and  slippery,"  sez  I.  I 
spoze  it  wuz  that  tree  that  put  me  in  mind  of  that 
simely.  "  She  shan't  be  led  away  by  'em  agin,  by 
my  consent." 

"  If  I  don't  drink  for  a  year  will  you  help  me  to 
have  my  wife  back  again  ?" 

His  voice  trembled. 

"  That  is  beginnin'  to  talk  like  a  human  creeter," 
sez  I,  and  I  looked  down  from  the  ellum  sort  o' 
benignantly.  And  I  sez  in  a  more  warmer  axent, 
but  not  too  warm — jest  about  milk  warm— 

"  You  stop  drinkin'  for  a  year.  You  git  another 
home  for  her  as  good  as  you  took  her  to  at  first, 
and  I'll  advise  her  to  talk  with  you  about  goin' 
back,  and  not  one  minute  before  !"  sez  I. 

"Can  I  see  her  one  minute?"  sez  he. 

Annie  wuz  to  home.  Josiah  wuz  away.  All  de 
volved  on  me,  and  I  riz  up  to  the  occasion. 

"  No  !"  sez  I,  "you  can't;  you  can't  see  her  to 
day  for  a  minute,  or  a  secont !" 

(1  knew  putty  wuz  hard  in  comparison  to  her 
heart,  and  I  wouldn't  run  the  resk.) 


100  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

"You  stop  drinkin'  for  six  months,"  sez  I,  "and 
you  may  see  her  for  one-half  hour  in  my  presence, 
and  not  a  minute  longer,"  sez  I,  as  resolute  as  iron. 
"  I'll  take  care  of  her,  and  when  you've  earnt  the 
right  to  have  her  agin  with  you,  I'll  give  her  up  to 
you  and  not  a  minute  before,"  sez  I — "not  a  minute  !" 

He  riz  right  up,  the  tears  runnin'  down  his  face, 
and  he  ketched  holt  of  my  hand  and  kissed  it.  I 
d'no  when  I've  been  so  kinder  took  back. 

But  I  knew  that  Josiah  wouldn't  care  on  sech  a 
occasion  as  this,  there  wuzn't  anything  immoral  in 
it,  and  I  couldn't  hender  it  anyway,  it  wuz  done  so 
quick.  And  then  he  started  right  off,  fast  as  he 
could  go. 

And  as  sure  as  the  world,  that  man  went  to  work 
at  his  trade.  Got  two  dollars  a  day.  He  didn't 
drink  a  drop.  He  rented  a  little  house  with  five 
acres  of  grass  land  round  it  and  a  paster.  He 
kep'  two  cows,  milked  'em  nights  and  mornin's, 
sold  his  milk  and  laid  up  money. 

Workin'  with  all  his  heart  and  soul  to  be  worthy 
of  his  wife  and  home. 

And  I  writ  to  that  man  stiddy,  jest  as  stiddy  as 
though  I  wuz  a-keepin'  company  with  him,  every 
week  of  my  life. 

Josiah  didn't  care.  Good  land  !  I  writ  on  duty. 
I  sent  him  good  letters,  all  about  how  Annie  \vuz, 


SAMANTHA'S  SWORD  OF  TRUTH  AMD' JUSTICE,    ibi' 

and  how  she  looked,  and  what  she  said,  and  a-hold- 
in'  up  his  arms  like  Arun  and  Hur  (specially  Hur, 
it  sounds  some?  like  a  woman). 

She  made  it  her  home  with  me,  but  went  out  to 
contoggle  here  and  there,  and  laid  up  money, 
bought  sheets  and  piller-cases  and  sech.  And  I 
helped  her  to  two  comforters  and  a  bed-spread. 

But  she  didn't  go  back  to  him  till  the  year  wuz 
up. 

No,  I  see  to  that. 

And  when  that  year  had  gone  by,  he  wuz  a  sober 
man  all  the  time,  completely  out  from  under  the 
influences  of  the  B.  I.  L.  and  cider  and  whiskey 
and  saloons,  and  completely  under  ourn,  Annie's 
and  mine  and  Temperance.  And  we  a-doin'  our 
very  best  for  him,  and  a-believin'  in  him,  and 
a-helpin'  him,  all  three  on  us. 

Why,  then  I  ventered  to  let  her  go  and  live  with 
him  agin.  And  I  even  made  a  party  for  'em  on 
the  occasion.  Some  like  a  weddin'  party,  for  we 
all  brung  presents  to  'em.  And  the  children  and  a 
few  sincere  well-wishers  that  she  had  contoggled 
for  and  Josiah  and  me  all  jinin'  hearty  in  the 
prayer  Elder  Minkley  put  up  after  supper  for  the 
peace  and  prosperity  of  the  new  home. 

And  they've  prospered  first-rate. 

Their  sweet,  cozy  home   is  pleasant,  as   a  home 


IO2  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

where  Love  is  always  must  be.  But  it  is  a-settin' 
down  under  a  shadder,  and  always  will  set  there. 
It  can't  be  helped. 

The  shadder  stands  up  behind  it,  some  like  a 
mountain  ;  but  the  peace  and  happiness  of  the 
present  is  gradually  a-makin'  a  meller,  tender  haze 
in  front  o.n't ;  some  as  the  blue, 
luminous  sky  of  Injun  Summer 
iloats  in  and  softens  the  truth 
of  the  year's  decay. 

It  is  there,  all  the  same,  but 
time  and  that  soft,  tender  mist 
wears  off  the  sharp  edges  on't, 
and  sometimes  the  shadders  fall 
some  in  the  shape  of  a  cross. 
The  sun  hits  it  in  jest  the  right 
way. 

Annie  and  Ellick  jined  the 
meetin'-house  the  year  after  they 
come  together  agin,  and  the  Elder  and  several  of 
us  bretheren  and  sistern  gathered  round  'em,  and 
held  up  their  courage  and  helped  'em  along  all  we 
could. 

And  though  some  are  kinder  mean  and  throwr 
out  hints,  for  human  nater  can't  be  helped,  and 
mean  and  small  souls  have  got  to  act  out  what  is 
inherient  in  'em,  and  some,  specially  the  B.  I.  L. 


"SAVE  THE  SAM,  IT  MAY  COME  IN  HANDY 
IN  THE  FUTER." 


SAMANTHA'S  SWORD  OF  TRUTH  AND  JUSTICE.    103 

and  his  family,  made  lots  of  talk  about  him  and 
her,  and  poked  fun  at  'em,  and  acted.  But  Ellick 
is  a-learnin'  -to  be  patient  and  bear  what  he  says 
he  knowrs  is  "The  Wages  of  Sin." 

But,  as  naterally  follers,  he  is  now  in  the  employ 
of  another  Master,  and  his  wages  is  a-comin'  in 
better  and  better  every  day. 

And  wuzn't  he  happy  when  he  held  another  little 
boy  on  his  knee?  Little  Tom  Josiah,  named  after 
my  two  best-beloved  males. 

And  Annie  wanted  to  add  "  Sam  "  to  it  for  me, 
but  I  demurred,  sayin',  "They  didn't  seem  to  go 
together  smooth.  Tom  Josiah  Sam  didn't  seem  to 
have  the  flow  and  rythm  to  suit  my  melodious 
idees. 

Sez  I,  "  Save  the  Sam,  it  may  come  in  handy  in 
the  futer." 

But  the  dimpled  hands  of  that  child  seemed  to 
draw  Annie  and  Ellick  nigher  together  than  they'd 
ever  been,  and  pull  'em  both  along,  onbeknown  to 
'em,  into  the  sunshiny  fields  of  happiness. 

Thomas  J.  gin  little  Tom  Josiah  ten  dollars  to 
put  in  the  Savin's  Bank  at  compounded  interest, 
and  Josiah  gin  him  two  lambs,  which  are  a-goin'  to 
be  put  out  to  double  to  the  very  best  advantage  for 
him. 

By  the  time  he  is  twenty-one  he  will  have  con- 


104  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

siderable  money,  and  a  big  flock  of  sheep  to  drive 
on  before  him  down  the  path  of  the  futer. 

But  I  might  talk  for  hours  and  hours  and  not 
exhaust  the  fascinatin'  subject  of  the  peace  and 
prosperity  of  the  one  who  has  left  the  paths  of  sin 
and  hard  cider  and  whiskey,  etc.,  and  is  walkin'  in 
the  paths  of  sobriety  and  success. 

But  to  them  not  interested  so  much  in  this  cause, 
so  dear  to  the  heart  of  her  whose  name  wuz  once 
Smith,  the  subject  may  grow  monotunous  and 
tejus,  so  I  will  resoom  and  take  up  the  thread  of 
my  discourse  over  my  ringer  agin,  and  let  it  purr 
along  on  the  spool  of  History. 


CHAPTER   V. 

A  HEATHEN'S  STANDARD  OF  MORALITY. 

WALL,  Al  Faizi  hearn  this  story  about  the  contog- 
gler's  sufferin's  and  the  doin's  of  the  B.  I.  L.,  and  I 
never  see  him  so  riz  up  about  anything  as  he  wuz 
with  that. 

Sez  he — "  This  man  who  loved  the  child  sold 
stuff  to  his  father  that  he  knew  would  make  him 
liable  to  murder  him  ?  I  cannot  believe  it  possible 
that  such  a  crime  can  be  permitted. 

"  To  one  coming  from  a  heathen  land  it  seems 
incredible." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "I've  always  said  that  it  wuz  a 
worse  practice  than  any  savages  ever  dremp  of." 

Said  Al  Faizi— 

"  This  is  probably  the  one  solitary  instance  that 
ever  occurred  where  the  death  of  a  person  much 
beloved  was  caused  by  a  man  for  a  few  cents'  gain." 

"  One  instance  !"  sez  I  ;  "  why,  all  over  this  broad 
country,  day  after  day,  and  year  after  year,  murders 
are  brought  about  almost  solely  by  this  cause  !" 

He  sithed  deep  and  seemed  to  he  turnin'  in  his 


106  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

mind  some  possible  remedy  for  this  dretful  state  of 
things. 

"  Could  not  these  men  be  persuaded  to  stop  this 
trade  that  kills  men  in  this  world,  and  destroys 
their  hopes  of  Heaven  ?" 

"No,"  sez  I,  "they  can't  be  persuaded  ;  it  has 
been  tried  by  good  men  and  good  wimmen  for 
years  and  years  ;  they  will  keep  on,  driv  by  Sel 
fishness  and  Ignorance,  that  span  of  bloody 
beasts  !" 

"  Could  not  the  law  interfere  ?"  sez  he  ;  "  could 
not  your  great  police  force  step  in  and  punish  these 
dreadful  doings  ?" 

Sez  I,  "  It  could,  if  it  wuzn't  spendin'  its  hull 
strength  on  devisin'  ways  to  protect  the  liquor 
traffic. 

"  The  police  might  bring  some  on  'em  up  if  it 
wuzn't  a-sneakin'  into  side-doors  a-partakin'  on  the 
sly  of  the  poison  !" 

Sez  I,  "  It  gits  braced  up  in  this  way,  so's  it's 
ready  to  drag  off  to  jail  the  poor,  weak  drunkards, 
made  so  by  the  saloons,  and  by  the  men  who  sup 
ply  the  saloons,  and  by  the  voters  who  make  this 
thing  possible,  and  by  the  goverment  that  sus 
tains  it." 

"  Why  does  not  your  great  nation  interfere  and 
compel  them  to  stop  it  ?"  sez  he. 


A    HEATHEN  S    STANDARD    OF    MORALITY.  IO/ 

"  Because  this  great  nation  is  in  company  with 
'em,"  sez  *I — "  partakers  in  this  iniquity,  and 
takin'  part  of  the  bloody  gain." 

And  my  feathers  drooped  and  my  face  wuz  as  red 
as  blood  to  have  to  own  up  these  things  to  a 
heathen,  that  wuz  a-contrastin'  our  ways  with  his 
own,  which  wuz  so  much  more  superior  and  riz  up 
on  the  liquor  question. 

"  Your  holy  church,"  sez  he,  "  why  does  not 
that,  so  great  and  powerful  a  force  in  this  land, 
why  does  it  not  interfere  and  frown  down  these 
wicked  ways  ?  Why  does  it  not  pronounce  its 
anathema  on  all  those  who  commit  this  sin — -this 
B.  I.  L.,  as  I  have  heard  him  called,  and  men  like 
him,  who  own  saloons  and  supply  the  stuff  that 
makes  murderers  ?" 

"This  B.  I.  L.,"  sez  I,  "is  a  piller  in  his  meetin'- 
house.  He  sets  in  the  highest  place,"  sez  I. 

"  One  of  your  holy  men  who  take  charge  of  the 
sacred  things,  permitted  by  your  customs  to  carry 
on  such  iniquity  ?  I  cannot  understand  it,"  sez  he. 

Sez  I — "  Nobody  ort  to  understand  it  !"  Sez  I, 
"  It  is  a  shame  and  a  disgrace,  anyway  !" 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "in  my  own  country  our  men 
who  take  part  in  holy  observances  have  to  lead 
pure  lives — to  fast  and  pray  continually.  I  cannot 
understand  that  one  would  be  permitted  to  carry  on 


IOS  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROI'K. 

an  evil  business  six  days  during  the  week  and 
touch  the  sacred  things  of  your  religion  the  seventh 
day." 

Agin  I  sez — "Nobody  ort  to  understand  it;  it 
would  be  a  shame  to  heathen  countries!"  sez  I. 

Sez  he — "This  very  man  who  was  the  cause  of  all 
this  wretchedness  and  crime  and  murder — he  prays 
for  the  heathen,  does  he  not  ?" 

"  I  spoze  so,"  sez  I. 

"  IK'  carries  round  the  vessel  in  which  YOU  gath 
er  the  inoiu-v  to  send  to  the  heathen  for  charity  and 
instruction  ?" 

"Yes,"  sez  1  ;  "but  we  call  it  the  contribution 
plate." 

"  NYell."  sex  he.  "  we  refuse  to  accept  his  money ; 
we  refuse  to  take  the  money  that  man  desecrates  by 
touching. 

"And,"  sex  he,  "  I  will  tell  him  so." 

And  so  I  spoze  he  did — good,  simple-minded 
creeter.  He  didn't  seem  to  have  but  two  idees  in 
his  head — one  to  learn  the  will  of  God,  and  the 
other  to  do  it. 

And  from  what  I've  hearn  sence  I  guess  he  did 
impress  the  B.  I.  L. 

The  idee  of  havin'  a  heathen  from  heathen  lands 
come  to  labor  with  him  on  religion  kinder  shook 
him  up,  from  all  I  can  hear. 


A  HEATHEN'S  STANDARD  OF  MORALITY.         109 

I  shouldn't  wonder  if  he  did  leave  off  his  dretful 
trade,  and  come  part  way  up  to  a  heathen's  stand 
ard  of  morality. 

But  if  he  duz,  no  thanks  are  due  to  our  own  law 
or  to  our  own  gospel.  They  wuz  both  weighed  in 
the  balances  and  found  wantin'. 

If  things  are  ever  put  on  a  more  religious  and  no 
ble  and  riz  up  footin'  it  will  all  be  caused  by  the 
missionary  efforts  of  a  heathen. 

But  to  resoom. 

Another  thing  about  our  contoggler  interested 
Al  Faizi  dretfully.  It  wuz  some  talks  he  had  with 
her  about  wimmen's  dress. 

Annie  wuz  sensible,  and  hated  the  tight  girtin's 
indulged  in  by  some  of  our  females.  And  Al  Faizi 
expressed  the  greatest  wonder  at  the  ignorance  and 
folly  showed  by  civilized  wimmen. 

The  pressin'  in  and  destroyin'  all  the  vital  or 
gans  by  lacin'  in  the  waist.  He  expressed  great 
wonder  that  a  civilized  people  could  commit  this 
crime  aginst  the  laws  of  health  and  the  solemn 
laws  of  heredity. 

He  said  when  he  contrasted  the  loose,  comforta 
ble  robes  of  his  own  wimmen  with  the  deformities 
caused  by  tight  lacin',  more  and  more  he  wondered 
at  the  strange  sights  of  civilization. 

And  then  he  said  that  in  hospitals  (for  this  strange 


I  10  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

creeter  had  peered  round  everywhere  in  search  of 
knowledge),  he  had  seen  some  of  the  terrible  effects 
of  tight  lacin'  and  high-heeled  "shoes. 

He  said  that  he  had  seen  cases  of  blindness, 
caused  by  the  last,  and  a  destruction  of  the 
nerves. 

In  lacin',  he  had  seen  dretful  cases  of  internal 
diseases,  incurable,  and  had  seen  terrible  diseases  in 
infants,  caused  alone  by  this  destructive  custom  of 
the  mothers — young  infants  who,  if  they  lived,  must 
carry  a  maimed  body  through  life  with  'em,  caused 
alone  by  this  habit. 

Sez  he,  "  Compare  these  high-heeled  shoes  with 
the  loose,  comfortable  sandals  that  our  own  women 
wear.  And  these  painful  steel  waists,  that  compress 
the  lungs  and  heart,  with  our  own  women's  loose, 
flowing  garments,"  and  he  wuz  astounded  at  our 
ways. 

Wall,  I  agreed  with  him  from  the  bottom  of  my 
heart,  but  sech  is  poor  human  nater  that  it  kinder 
galded  me  to  have  my  sect  so  sot  down  on  and  de 
spised  by  a  heathen.  And  I,  kinder  onbeknown  to 
me,  brung  up  their  own  veiled  wimmen.  "And," 
sez  I,  "  every  country  has  its  own  shortcoming  ;  I 
don't  like  the  idee  of  your  wimmen  havin'  their 
faces  all  covered  up  with  veils." 

My  tone  wuz  kinder  het  up  and  agitated. 


A  HEATHEN'S  STANDARD  OF  MORALITY.         in 

But  his  voice  wuz  as  sweet  and  calm  as  the  even- 
in'  breeze  a-bTowin'  over  a  bed  of  Japanese  lilies. 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  perhaps  we  err  in  that  direction, 
in  veiling  our  women  too  much  from  the  public 
gaze. 

"  But,"  sez  he,  "  I  went  to  a  grand  party  once  in 
your  great  city  Chicago,  and  to  one  also  in  Wash 
ington,  and  I  see  the  women's  forms  almost  entirely 
disrobed  and  nude,  while  great  folds  of  cloth  trailed 
after  them  down  on  the  floor.  I  knew  not  where  to 
look  for  shame,  for  even  when  I  was  a  nursing  babe 
in  my  mother's  arms,  I  could  not  have  witnessed 
such  sights. 

"  And  while  we  Eastern  people  may  err  in  the 
direction  of  veiling  the  charms  of  our  women-kind, 
methinks  you  Western  people  err  still  further  in  the 
opposite  direction.  At  these  public  parties  I  saw 
the  naked  forms  of  the  women,  displayed  with  far 
more  than  the  freedom  of  the  courtesans  in  my  own 
country,  and  my  heart  sank  down  with  shrinking 
and  wonder  at  the  strange  customs  of  civilization." 

I  felt  meachin'.  I  felt  small  enough  to  have 
gone  to  bed  through  my  bedroom  key-hole.  But  I 
thought  I  wouldn't.  I  only  sez — "  Wall,  I  guess  it 
is  about  bed-time." 

Josiah  had  already  sought  repose  in  our  bedroom. 

And  Al  Faizi  got  up  at  once  and  took  his  night- 


I  12 


SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 


lamp,  and  bid  me  good-night  with  one  of    his  low, 
reverential  bows. 

I  knew  what  he  said  wuz  the  truth.  I  had  medi 
tated  on  it.  And  in  my  own  way  I  had  tried  to 
break  it  up — the  tight-lacin',  train-dragglin',  high- 
heeled  doin's. 

But,  as  I  say,  it  galded  me  deeply  to 
hear  these  truths  discanted  on  by  a  heath 
en. 

I  love  my  sect,  and  wish  her  dretful 
well,  and  I  can't  bear  to  see  heathens 
a-lookin'  down  on  her. 

And  then  Al  Faizi  hearn  about  how 
little  children  are  put  to  work  at  a  tender 
age  down  in  the  damp,  dark  mines,  shet 
away  from  Heaven's  light,  through  long, 
long  days,  until  their  youth  is  gone  and 


ONE   OF    HIS    LOW, 
ENTIAL   BOWS. 


-  old  age  dims  their  eves. 

o  j 


And  he  sot  off  for  a  distant  part  of  the 
country  to  see  the  owners  of  the  mines,  and  see  for 
himself,  and  use  his  influence  to  have  this  evil  abol 
ished. 

And  then  he  hearn  about  how  young  children  are 
bought  in  the  great  stores  of  the  big  citys. 

He  hearn  all  the  tales  of  sin  and  woe  connected 
with  sech  doin's — worse  than  the  Masacreein'  of  the 
Innocents. 


A   HEATHEN  S    STANDARD    OF    MORALITY.  113 

He  sot  out  to  once  to  investigate,  and  to  warn, 
and  to  rebuket 

And  he  hearn  with  wonder  and  unbelief,  at  first, 
the  story  how  children  could  sell  their  honor  and 
all  their  hopes  of  the  futer  at  a  tender  age. 

And  how  this  great  nation  permits  this  iniquity, 
and  makes  laws  to  perpetuate  it,  and  shield  the 
guilty  men  who  indulge  in  this  sin. 

And  all  the  horrows  that  gathers  round  them  in 
famous  words — 

"The  Age  of  Consent." 

As  he  talked  with  me  about  it,  I  could  see  by  the 
deep  fire  that  wuz  lit  up  in  his  usually  soft  eyes  his 
burnin'  indignation  aginst  this  idee  that  had  jest 
been  promulgated  to  him. 

Sez  he — "You  Christians  talk  a  sight  about  the 
car  of  Juggernaut  that  rolls  on  over  living  victims 
and  crushes  them  down,  but,"  sez  he,  "death  leaves 
the  soul  free  to  fly  home  to  its  paradise  ;  but  your 
Christian  country  has  found  the  way  to  ruin  the 
souls  of  children,  as  well  as  their  bodies.  How  can 
you  sit  down  calmly  and  know  that  such  a  law  is  in 
existence  ?  How  can  mothers  happily  watch  their 
sweet  little  baby  girls  at  play,  and  know  that  such  a 
horrible  danger  lurks  in  the  path  their  ignorant 
little  feet  have  got  to  tread,  such  a  snare  is  set  for 
them  ?" 


114  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

"  They  don't  set  calm  and  happy — mothers 
don't !"  I  bust  out ;  "  their  hearts  and  souls  are  full. 
They  cry  to  God  in  their  anguish  and  fear,  but  they 
can't  do  nothin'  else,  wimmen  can't  ;  men  made 
this  law,  made  it  for  men.  Men  say  they  don't 
want  to  put  wimmen  to  the  trouble  of  votin',  and 
so  they  hender  'em  from  the  hardship  of  droppin'  a 
little  scrap  of  paper  in  a  small  box  once  a  year,  and 
give  'em  this  corrodin',  constant  fear  and  anguish  to 
carry  with  'em  day  and  night,  like  a  load  of  swords 
and  simeters,  every  one  of  'em  a-stabbin'  their 
hearts." 

"  But  how  can  men,  fathers  of  young  girls,  make 
this  law,  or  allow  it  to  go  on  ?  Don't  they  think 
of  their  own  young  daughters,  who  may  be  ruined 
by  it  ?" 

"They  don't  make  this  law  and  vote  for  this  law 
for  their  own  girls — it  is  to  ruin  other  men's  girls 
that  it  is  made." 

"  Don't  they  know  that  the  sword  of  retribution 
is  two-sided — that  it  is  liable  to  cut  down  their  own 
beloved  ?" 

"  No,  they  don't  think  at  all ;  their  vile  passions 
clog  up  their  ears  and  blind  their  eyes." 

"  But  your  ministers,  your  holy  men,  what  are 
they  doing  ?  I  supposed  their  mission  was  to  preach 
to  sinners,  and  try  to  make  the  world  better.  I 


A   HEATHEN  S   STANDARD    OF   MORALITY.  11$ 

have  heard  them  speak  of  many  things  in  the  high 
places  where  they  stand  to  warn  the  people  of  their 
sins,  and  the  judgment  to  come,  but  I  never  heard 
them  allude  to  this.  Why  do  they  let  this  enor 
mous  crime  go  on  unrebuked  ?" 

"  The  land  knows  !"  sez  I  ;  "  I  don't ;  they  go  on 
year  in  and  year  out,  a-preachin'  about  Job's  suffer- 
in's,  and  Pharo's  hardness  of  heart,  and  the  Deluge, 
and  other  ancient  sins  and  sufferin's  all  healed  up 
and  done  away  with  centuries  ago. 

"Why,  it  is  six  thousand  years  sence  Pharo's 
heart  hardened  or  Job's  biles  ached,  and  the  green 
grass  of  centuries  has  riz  up  over  the  sweepin' 
swash  of  the  Deluge,  but  they  will  calmly  go  on 
Sunday  after  Sunday  for  years  a-preachin'  on  that 
agony  and  that  wickedness  and  that  overflow,  and 
not  one  word  do  they  say  about  the  hardness  of 
heart  of  the  men  who  make  and  permit  this  law, 
which  makes  Pharo's  hardness  seem  like  putty  in 
comparison,  or  the  agony  and  dread  this  law  brings 
to  mothers'  hearts  in  the  night  watches,  a-thinkin' 
on't,  and  thinkin'  of  their  own  helplessness  to  pro 
tect  the  ones  who  they  would  give  their  life  for. 
And  the  depths  of  wretchedness  that  overwhelms 
the  souls  this  law  wuz  made  to  ruin  !  What  are 
biles  compared  to  these  pains  ? 

"  But  the  clergymen,  the  most  on  'em,  go  calmly 


Il6  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

on  a-pintin'  these  old  sins  and  pains  out,  and  the 
overflow  of  the  Deluge,  and  drawin'  tenthlies  and 
twentiethlies  from  'em,  and  not  one  word  about  this 
cryin'  iniquity,  so  great  that  it  seems  as  if  it  would 
open  the  very  sluce-ways  of  Heaven  and  let  a  new 
flood  down  onto  this  guilty  age  that  will  allow  sech 
crime  to  go  on  unrebuked. 

"  And  philosophers  will  moralize  on  old  laws  and 
new  ones,  and  their  cause  and  effects  ;  on  Heaven 
and  earth,  and  not  seemin'ly  cast  a  eye  of  their 
spectacles  on  this  law  of  sin  and  shame  that  rises 
up  right  before  their  eyes.  And  scientists  rack 
their  brains  to  discover  new  laws  and  utilize  old 
ones,  but  don't  make  a  effort  towards  discoverin'  a 
way  to  avert  this  enormous  cause  of  woe  and  guilt, 
this  fur-reachin'  and  ever-increasin'  anguish  and 
crime.  And  law-makers,  instead  of  try  in'  to  over 
come  it,  try  their  best  to  perpetuate  it  and  make  it 
permanent ;  bend  all  their  powers  of  intellect,  band 
together,  and  use  the  cunnin'  of  serpents  and  the 
wisdom  of  old  Lucifer  to  git  their  laws  passed  and 
git  Uncle  Sam  to  jine  in  \vith  'em.  Poor  mis 
guided  old  creeter,  a-bein'  led  off  by  his  old  nose, 
and  made  to  consent  to  this  crime  and  help  it 
along  !" 

Al  Faizi  had  been  listenin'  in  deep  thought,  and 
now  he  sez  :  "This  uncle  of  yours  I  know  him 


A   HEATHEN'S   STANDARD    OF   MORALITY.  117 

not  ;  but  your  great  Government,  could  it  not  in 
terfere  and  stop  this  iniquity?" 

"  It  could"  (sez  I,  mad  as  a  hen) — "it  could,  if  it 
wuzn'f  jined  right  in  with  them  law-makers  and 
helpin'  'em  along  ;  and,"  sez  I,  "  now  they're  tryin' 
to  git  the  poor  old  creeter  to  consent  to  a  new 
idee.  Some  big  clergymen  and  other  wise  men  are 
a-tryin'  to  have  these  wimmen,  ruined  by  the  evil 
passions  of  men,  shet  up  in  a  certain  pen  to  keep 
'em  from  doin'  harm  to  innocent  folks,  and  not  one 
word  said  about  shettin'  up  the  men  who  have 
made  these  wimmen  what  they  are.  Why  don't 
they  shet  them  up  ?  There  they  be  foot  loose. 
If  they  have  ruined  one  pen  full  of  wimmen,  what 
henders  'em  from  spilin'  another  pen  full  ?  But 
there  they  be  a-runnin'  loose  and  even  a-votin'  on 
how  firm  and  strong  the  pen  should  be  made  to 
confine  these  victims  of  theirn.  And  how  big 
salaries  the  men  who  keep  these  pens  in  order  shall 
have — good  big  salaries,  I'll  warrant  you  Wise 
men  and  ministers  advocate  this  onjestice,  and  lay 
men  are  glad  to  practise  what  they  preach. 

"  There  hain't  nothin'  reasonable  in  it ;  if  a  pen 
has  got  to  be  made  for  bad  wimmen,  why  not  have 
another  pen,  jest  like  it,  only  a  great  deal  bigger, 
made  for  the  bad  man  ? 

"Why,    this   seems    so    reasonable    and    right    I 


Il8  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

should  think  that  Jestice  would  lift  the  bandage 
offen  her  eyes  and  holler  out  and  say  it  must  be 
done  !  But  no,  there  hain't  no  move  made  towards 
pennin'  bad  men  up — not  a  move." 

Al  Faizi  sez —  "  I  cannot  understand  these 
strange  things." 

And  I  sez — "  Nobody  can,  unless  it  is  old  Bel- 
zibub  ;  I  guess  he  gits  the  run  on  it." 

Wall,  he  took  out  that  book  of  hisen  and  writ 
for  pretty  nigh  an  hour. 

And  that  is  jest  the  way  he  went  on  and  acted 
from  day  to  day. 


CHAPTER   VI. 

A    LITTLE    FUN    AND    ITS    PRICE. 

AL  FAIZI  got  acquainted  with  the  Baptist  min 
ister  at  Jonesville,  and  Elder  Dean  took  to  that 
noble  heathen  in  a  remarkable  way.  He  wuz  a 
truly  Christian  man  and  deep  learnt,  and  he  and  Al 
Faizi  talked  together  right  in  my  presence  in  lan 
guages,  a  good  many  of  them  dead,  I  spoze,  and 
some  on  'em,  jedgin'  from  the  sound,  in  a  sickly 
and  dyin'  state. 

Elder  Dean  wuz  English,  college  bred.  Been 
abroad  as  a  missionary,  broke  down,  and  come  to 
Jonesville  with  a  weak  voice  and  lungs,  but  a  full 
head  and  a  noble  heart,  for  six  hundred  dollars  a 
year  and  parsonage  found. 

They'd  always  had  a  hard  time,  bein'  put  to  it  for 
things  and  kinder  sickly.  But  he  and  his  heroic 
wife  had  one  flower  in  their  life  that  wuz  a-bustin' 
into  full  bloom,  and  a-sweetenin'  their  hard  present 
and  their  wearisome  past,  and  the  promise  and 
beauty  on't  a-throwin'  a  bright,  clear  light  clear 
acrost  their  futer — even  down  the  steep  banks 


120  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

where  the   swift   stream  rushes  through  the  dark, 
and  clear  over  onto  the  other  side. 

This  brightness  and  blessin'  that  lightened  up 
their  hard  and  toilsome  way  wuz  their  only  child, 
a  youth  of  such  manly  beauty  and  gentle  goodness 
that  his  love  made  up  to  'em,  so  they  said  to  me, 
for  all  they  had  suffered  and  all  they  had  lost 
through  their  lives. 

He  had  been  brought  up  on  clear  love  mostly. 
His  Pa  and  Ma  had  literally  carried  him  in  their 
hearts  from  the  time  his  sweet,  baby  face  had  smiled 
up  to  'em  from  his  cradle. 

Nobody  could  tell  the  tenderness  and  love  that 
had  been  lavished  on  him.  His  Ma  jest  lived  in 
him  and  his  Pa,  too,  but  their  devotion  hadn't  spilte 
him,  not  at  all — not  mentally  nor  morally. 

Though  there  wuz  them  that  did  think  that  his 
Ma,  bein'  so  dretful  tender  of  him  and  lookin'  out 
so  for  his  health  in  every  way,  had  kinder  weakened 
his  constitution  and  he  would  have  been  stronger  if 
he  had  roughed  it  more. 

Bein'  watched  over  so  lovin'ly  all  his  days,  he  wuz 
jest  about  as  delicate  and  couldn't  stand  any  more 
hardship  than  a  girl ;  but  he  wuz  stiddy  and  indus 
trious,  a  good  Christian,  and  dretful  ambitious.  And 
they  looked  forrered  to  him  as  bein'  an  honor  as 
well  as  a  blessin'  to  'em  in  the  futer. 


A   LITTLE   FUN   AND    ITS   PRICE.  121 

The  minister  had  learnt  him  all  he  knew,  so  he 
said,  and  for  years  back  they'd  been  savin'  every 
penny  they  could,  deprivin'  themselves  of  even 
necessaries  to  git  the  money  to  send  Harry  to 
college.  From  his  babyhood  they'd  worked  for 
this.  And  jest  before  Al  Faizi  come  to  Jonesville, 
the  long  looked-for  and  worked-for  end  had  come— 
Harry  had  gone  to  college,  a-carryin'  with  him 
all  his  parents'  love  and  hope  for  the  futer,  and  a 
small  trunk  full  of  necessaries,  some  Balsam  of  Fir 
for  his  lungs,  and  some  plasters  and  things  his  Ma 
had  put  in. 

Wall,  as  I  said,  Elder  Dean  had  took  dretfully  to 
Al  Faizi,  and  he  to  him.  So  one  day  I  invited  the 
elder  and  his  wife  over  to  dinner.  I  went  myself 
to  gin  'em  the  invitation. 

I  found  the  elder  a  carefully  coverin'  a  old  book 
of  poems  he  had  bought,  which  wuz  very  rare,  so 
he  said,  and  jest  what  Harry  had  wanted.  He  had 
took  the  money  he  had  been  savin'  for  a  winter 
coat,  so  I  hearn  afterwards,  to  buy  it. 

And  she  wuz  knittin'  a  african  to  put  over  the 
couch  in  his  room.  She  had  ravelled  out  a  good 
shawl  of  her  own  to  git  the  red  for  it,  so  I  hearn. 

"  But,"  she  sez,  "  when  he  comes  into  his  room  a 
little  chilly,  it  will  be  so  nice  to  throw  over  his  feet, 
and  he  always  liked  that  soft,  crimson  color.  He 


122  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

gits  cold  real  easy,"  sez  she,  a-holdin'  up  the  african 
and  lookin'  real  affectionate  at  it.  It  wuz  a  good 
african. 

I  asked  'em  to  come  to  dinner  the  next  day,  and 
they  both  demurred  at  first,  sayin'  that  it  wuz  the 
day  for  Harry's  long  letter  to  come.  He  writ  'em 
long  letters  twice  a  week,  and  they  both  felt  that 
they  wanted  to  be  right  there  by  the  post-office  so's 
to  git  it  the  minute  it  arrove. 

Wall,  it  wuz  compromised  in  this  way — I  prom- 
isin'  that  Ury  should  be  at  the  post-office  when  the 
afternoon  mail  come  in  and  bring  it  to  'em  right  to 
our  house.  And  I  mentioned  that  the  old  mair 
could  go  pretty  fast  when  Ury  and  Necessity  wuz 
a-drivin'  her  ;  so  they  consented  to  come. 

And  I  cooked  up  dretful  good  vittles.  I  don't 
think  they're  ever  than  above  well  fed  to  home,  and 
I  did  enjoy  a-cookin'  up  good,  nourishin'  food  for 
'em  with  Philury's  help. 

I  had  some  good  beef  soup,  two  roast  chickens, 
with  garden  sass  of  all  kinds,  cream  biscuit,  straw 
berry  shortcake  and  jell,  and  rich,  yellow  coffee  with 
cream  and  loaf  sugar  in  it. 

I  did  well  by  'em. 

And  I  had  a  real  good  visit  with  'em  ;  for  I  jest 
as  lives  spend  my  time  a-hearin'  about  Harry  as 
not.  I  wuz  a-knittin',  and  of  course  could  hear  and 


A.   LITTLE   FUN   AND   ITS   PRICE.  123 

knit.  And  Josiah  and  Al  Faizi  (good  creetersboth 
on  'em)  had^jest  as  lives  hear  the  elder  praise  up 
his  boy  in  dead  languages  as  in  live  ones. 

And  so  they  enjoyed  themselves  real  well. 

As  I  say,  when  the  elder  would  git  tired  of 
praisin'  him  up  in  English  he  would  try  it  in  Greek, 
and  when  that  language  got  tired  out  and  kinder 
dead,  he  would  try  a  healthier,  stronger  one,  so  I 
spoze.  He  and  Al  Faizi  sot  out  in  the  porch  some 
of  the  time,  but  I  could  hear  'em. 

Miss  Dean  and  I  got  along  first-rate  in  our  own 
native  tongues,  though  once  in  awhile  I  felt  that, 
visitor  or  no  visitor,  I  had  to  sprunt  up  a  little  and 
tell  my  mind  about  Thomas  J.,  and  what  a  remark 
able  boy  he  always  wuz,  and  what  a  man  he'd  made. 

But  I  see  they  wuz  so  oneasy  when  they  wuzn't 
a-praisin'  Harry  that  I  switched  off  the  track  as 
polite  as  I  could  and  gin  'em  a  clear  sweep.  And 
from  that  time  Happiness  and  Harry  rained  su 
preme  in  our  settin'-room  and  piazza.  And  rem- 
inescenes  wuz  brung  up  and  plans  laid  on  and 
prophecies  foretold,  and  all  wuz  Harry,  Harry, 
Harry. 

Wall,  I  see  Miss  Dean  kep'  a-lookin'  at  the 
clock,  though  I  told  her  it  lacked  three  hours  of 
train  time.  But  in  the  same  cause  of  politeness  I 
had  held  up  through  the  day  I  sent  Ury  off  a 


124  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

hour  before  it  wuz  time,  and  in  due  time  he  come 
back  bearin'  a  letter. 

He  brung  it  up  to  the  stoop  and  handed  it  to 
the  elder. 

As  the  elder  took  it  he  turned  pale — -white  as  a 
piece  of  white  cotton  shirt,  and  sez  he— 

"This  is  not  Harry's  hand  !" 

Miss  Dean  jest  leaped  forward  and  ketched 
holt  of  his  hand. 

"  What  is  it?  Not  Harry's  writin',  what  does 
it  mean  ?" 

Wall,  when  the  letter  wuz  opened,  we  found 
what  it  meant. 

Dead !  dead !  That  bright  young  life,  full  of 
hope  and  beauty  and  promise,  had  been  cut  down 
like  a  worthless  weed  by  the  infamous  practice  of 
Hazin'. 

Gentlemen's  sons,  young  men  who  had  had  every 
means  of  civilization  at  their  command,  had  com 
mitted  the  brutality  of  a  savage.  Young  men  of 
riches,  education,  culture,  position,  they  had  commit 
ted  this  murder  jest  for  wanton  fun.  They  had 
called  him  out  of  his  bed  at  midnight  on  a  false 
errent,  locked  him  out  of  his  room  for  hours, 
poured  a  lot  of  icy  water  on  him  ;  he,  shiverin' 
with  his  almost  naked  limbs,  had  plead  in  vain  for 
help. 


126  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

Where  wuz  his  Ma  and  Pa  at  this  time  ?  Asleep 
and  dreamin'  of  him,  mebby. 

A  congestive  chill  had  attackted  the  weak  lungs, 
and  in  two  days  he  wuz  dead. 

One  of  the  pupils  not  engaged  in  it,  in  deep  sym 
pathy  and  pity,  writ  the  hull  thing  out  to  the  be 
reaved  parents. 

We  carried  'em  home  and  helped  'em  out  of  the 
democrat — helped  'em  to  walk  into  the  house,  for 
they  couldn't  walk  alone.  We  sot  him  down  under 
a  picter  of  Harry  that  had  fresh  flowers  under  it 
—laid  her  on  a  couch  covered  with  the  woosted 
work  she  wuz  a-makin'  for  him,  and  took  care  on 
'em  as  well  as  we  could  while  they  waited  for  Harry 
to  come  home. 

Oh  dear  me  !     Oh  dear  suz  !  !  ! 

I  can't  tell  nothin'  about  that  time.  My  pen 
trembles,  jest  as  my  heart  duz,  when  I  try  to  write 
about  it. 

I'm  a-goin'  to  hang   up   a  black  bumbazeen   cur 
tain  between  the  reader  and  that  seen  for  the  next 
few  days.      Reader,  it  is  best  for  you  that  I  do  it— 
you  couldn't  stand  it  if  I  didn't. 

The  curtain  ort  to  be  crape,  but  crape,  though  all 
right  in  the  line  of  mournin',  is  pretty  thin  for 
the  purpose — you  might  see  through  it. 

But  I  will  jest  lift  up  a  corner  on't  a  few   days 


A   LITTLE   FUN   AND   ITS   PRICE.  I2/ 

later  to  show  you  another  coffin,  with  the  broken 
hearted  mother  a-layin'  in  it,  with  a  broken-down 
old  man  bendin'  over  it  alone,  waitin'  for  the  sum 
mons  to  jine  'em  in  another  country. 

One  victim  buried,  another  victim  layin'  in  the 
coffin,  another  victim,  most  to  be  pitied  of  all, 
a-stayin'  on  here  alone  in  a  dark  world  a-waitin'  for 
the  end. 

Gay,  light-hearted  young  man,  havin'  a  good 
time  at  college — sowin'  your  wild  oats — havin' 
royal  good  fun,  what  do  you  think  of  the  end  of 
that  night's  jollity  ? 

Al  Faizi  couldn't  understand  it.      Sez  he  to  me— 

"  His  murderers  will  be  hanged,  will  they  not  ?" 

"  Hung  !"  sez  I  in  astonishment ;  "  oh,  no  !  this  is 
merely  Hazin' — college  fun  for  young  gentlemen." 

"  Gentlemen  !"  sez  he.  "  Do  gentlemen  murder  in 
your  country?  Why,  your  missionaries  tell  our 
people  that  if  they  murder  they  must  be  hanged  in 
this  world  and  eternally  punished  in  the  next." 

"  But,"  sez  I,  "  these  young  gentlemen  were  sim 
ply  havin'  a  little  fun  !"  My  tone  wuz  as  bitter  as 
wormwood  and  gaul,  and  he  see  it. 

"  Has  such  a  thing  ever  been  done  before  in  this 
country  ?"  sez  he. 

"  Oh,  yes  !"  sez  I  (wormwood  and  gaul  still  satu 
rating  my  axents);  "  it  is  very  common — it  is  always 


128  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

practised.  Sometimes  the  victims  are  only  fright 
ened  to  death  and  maimed  and  made  idiots  and 
invalids  of  ;  sometimes  they  don't  die  so  soon  ;  but 
then,  agin,"  sez  I,  "they  die  fur  quicker — some 
times,  when  the  young  gentlemen  want  to  be  extra 
funny,  and  use  some  deadly  gas,  their  victim  dies  to 
once,  right  under  their  hands." 

"  But  don't  the  Government  interfere  to  punish 
such  dreadful  deeds  ?" 

"  Oh,  no  !"  sez  I  ;  "  the  Goverment  has  its  hands 
too  full  a-grantin'  licenses  and  sech,  sellin'  the  stuff 
that  helps  to  make  these  disgraceful  seens." 

"  Well,  do  not  men  and  women  rise  and  punish 
such  deeds  themselves  ?" 

"  Oh,  no  !"  sez  I  ;  "  wimmen  are  considered  too 
feeble-minded  to  pass  any  jedgment  on  sech  doin's 
—they're  considered  by  the  college  professors  and 
presidents,  as  a  general  thing,  as  too  weak-minded 
and  volatile  to  take  in  a  college  education,  and  men 
are  kep'  pretty  busy  a-bringin'  up  arguments  to 
keep  wimmen  in  their  place. 

"Of  course,  no  sech  doin's  ever  took  place  in  a 
woman's  college.  They  generally  spend  their  time 
in  learnin',  and  don't  riot  round  and  act,  and  that  it 
self  is  considered,  I  believe,  an  evidence  that  wim 
men  are  inheriently  weak  and  not  really  fitted  for 
the  higher  education.  It  is,  I  believe,  considered  a 


A   LITTLE   FUN   AND    ITS    PRICE.  129 

damagin'  evidence  agin  her  powers  of  mind  to 
think  she  don't  have  no  hankerin'  to  spend  her  col 
lege  days  a-gittin'  up  the  reputation  of  a  prize 
fighter  and  a  boat-swain,  and  had  ruther  spend  her 
time  a-bringin'  out  the  strength  of  her  mind  and 
soul  instead  of  her  muscles." 

Sez  I,  "  Take  that  with  her  refusal  to  kill  and 
maim  and  torture  her  fellow-students  by  Hazin', 
and  her  dislike  to  cigarettes,  drinkin',  etc. — take  'em 
all  together,  though  she  carries  off  prizes  right  and 
left  for  learnin'  and  good  behavior,  yet  these  weak 
nesses  of  hern  in  refusin'  to  jine  in  such  upliftin' 
exercises,  tells  agin  her  dretfully  in  the  eyes  of  the 
male  world !" 

Oh  !  how  the  wormword  showed  in  my  axent  as 
I  spoke. 

"  Of  all  the  strange  things  which  I  have  seen 
in  your  strange  country,"  sez  Al  Faizi,  "this  is  one 
of  the  strangest — a  civilized  nation  practising  such 
barbarities  !" 

And  he  took  out  that  little  book  with  the  cross 
on't  and  writ  for  a  quarter  of  an  hour,  and  I  d'no 
but  more. 

Wall,  the  days  went  along,  one  after  another,  as 
days  will,  droppin'  off,  droppin'  off  the  rosary  Time 
counts  its  beads  on,  and  the  time  pretty  near 
elapsted  for  us  to  embark  on  our  trip  to  Europe. 


130  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

The  tickets  wuz  bought,  the  nightcaps  wuz 
packed,  and  the  time  drawed  near. 

But  as  the  time  aproached,  the  thought  of  the 
deepness  of  the  water  in  the  Atlantic  growed  more 
and  more  apparient  to  me. 

I  took  down  my  old  Atlas  and  Gography  from 
the  cupboard  over  the  suller  way  and  poured  over 
'em,  and  sithed,  and  sithed  and  poured. 

The  distance  looked  fearful  between  shore  and 
shore,  and  my  reason  told  me,  also  experience,  that 
the  reality  wuz  jest  as  much  worse  as  black  water  is 
worse  than  yeller  paper. 

The  ocean  wuz  painted  on  this  old  Atlas  bright 
yeller. 

And  the  last  time  Al  Faizi  came  back  from  quite 
a  long  trip  he  had  took  to  Washington  and  New 
York  he  found  me  a-pourin'  over  the  old  Atlas ; 
while  the  nightcaps  and  dressin'-gown,  all  done  up, 
lay  on  a  stand  by  my  side. 

As  I  mentioned  more  formally,  I'd  made  a  nice 
flannel  dressin'-gown  for  myself,  and  it  satisfied  my 
desires  for  comfort  and  also  my  pride  ;  though  I 
didn't  act  over  it  as  my  pardner  did  over  hisen. 
No  ;  a  sense  of  dignity  and  propriety  restrained  me. 

I  cut  it  out  by  my  nightgown  pattern  and  made 
it  fuller — it  looked  well.  It  wuz  a  brown  and  red 
stripe,  tied  down  in  front  with  lute  string  ribbin, 


A   LITTLE    FUN   AND    ITS    PRICE. 


that  I  paid  as  high  as  14  cents  a  yard  for,  and 
thought  it  none  too  good  for  the  occasion  ;  I 
thought  in  case  of  a  panick  at  sea,  and  I  had  to  ap 
pear  in  it,  I  wouldn't  begrech  the  outlay  for  the 
ribbin. 

And  then,  agin,  seein'  we  wuzn't  to  any  extra  ex 
pense  for  the  voyage,  I  thought  it  wuzn't  extrava 
gant  in  us  to  lanch  out  in  clothes,  or  that  is,  lanch 
out  some  in  'em,  not  too  fur. 

For  I  didn't  believe  in  goin'  through  Europe  fol- 
lered  by  a  dray  full  of  trunks. 

No;  I  felt  that  two  large  satchels,  that  we  could 
carry  ourselves,  wuz  what  the  occasion  demanded. 

That  wuz  our  first  thought,  though  we  afterwards 
decided  to  take  a  trunk. 

Of  course  I  took  my  mantilly,  with  tabs, 
jest  as  good  as  it  ever  wuz,  and  a  big  wool 
len  shawl  to  wear  when  it  wuz  cold  on  the 
steamer.  And  my  good,  honorable  bun- 
net,  with  my  usual  green  baize  veil  to 
drape  it  gracefully  on  the  left  side. 

My  umbrell,  it  it  needless 
to  say,  occupied  its  usual  place 
in  my  outfit — protection  from 
storms  and  tramps  and  other 
dangers,  and  it  could  also  be  ° 
used  for  a  cane. 


It  wuz 


I    TOOK    DOWN    MY    OLD    ATLAS. 


132  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

Noble  utensil !  I  would  have  felt  lost  indeed  to 
have  missed  it  from  its  accustomed  place  at  my 
right  hand. 

As  I  say,  Al  Faizi  come  back  and  found  us  en 
grossed  in  preperations  and  study. 

I  with  my  Atlas,  and  Josiah  carefully  brush- 
in'  his  dressin'-gown,  though  there  vvuzn't  a  speck 
of  dust  on  it,  and  a-smoothin'  out  them  tossels. 

We  wuz  a-makin'  our  last  preperations,  for  it 
only  lacked  about  six  weeks  of  the  time  when  we 
wuz  to  embark.  Our  satchels  stood  all  unlocked, 
with  the  keys  fastened  to  'cm  with  good  strong  wel- 
tin  cord,  so's  we  wouldn't  have  to  hunt  for  the  keys 
at  the  last  minute.  Some  long  letters  for  the  rela 
tions  on  both  sides  lay  on  Josiah's  desk,  to  be  sent 
after  our  departure ;  they  wuz  dretful  affectin'  letters; 
we  thought  more'n  as  like  as  not  they  would  bring 
tears. 

And  as  Al  Faizi  come  in  and  witnessed  our  hasty 
preperations,  he  announced  in  that  calm  way  of  hisen 
that  he  would  go  with  tis. 

For  a  minute  I  \vuz  dumfoundered,  and  knew  not 
whether  I  wuz  tickled  to  death  at  the  proposal,  or 
felt  sorry  and  meachin'  over  it. 

I  felt  queer. 

Sez  Al  Faizi,  "  I  come  to  your  land  expecting  I 
hardly  know  what. 


A   LITTLE   FUN   AND    ITS    PRICE.  133 

"  My  heart  had  been  touched  by  learning  of 
your  holy  religion.  I  had  accepted  the  teachings 
of  the  blessed  Lord  Christ  with  all  my  heart  and 
soul ;  warmed  by  His  love,  I  come  to  your  country 
to  learn  what  that  Divine  religion  would  be 
amongst  the  people  who  had  followed  His  teach 
ings  eighteen  hundred  years,  and  had  no  false  re 
ligion  to  paralyze  its  power—  —and  now— 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  for  Al  Faizi  paused  for  a  good 
while,  not  a-lookin'  mad,  nor  pert,  nor  any- 
thin',  but  jest  earnest  and  some  sad,  and  very 
quiet. 

"  Now  what  ?"  sez  I. 

He  didn't  say  nothin'.  He  looked  as  if  he  wuz 
afraid  of  hurtin'  somebody's  feelin's ;  but  at  last  he 
said  in  that  soft,  melodious  voice  of  hisen— 

"  Now,  I  should  like  to  go  to  other  lands." 

I  felt  fearful  meachin',  and  showed  it,  I  spoze,  to 
have  a  Hindoo  come  here  and  git  disgusted  with 
our  ways,  for  I  mistrusted  that  he  wuz,  though  he 
didn't  say  so  out  plain.  And  there  wuzn't  a  shad- 
der  of  blame  on  his  face ;  jest  calm  and  earnest, 
jest  as  he  always  had  been,  and  always  would  be, 
so  fur  as  I  could  tell. 

He  couldn't  find  Truth  and  Jestice  here,  and  so 
he  wuz  for  follerin'  off  on  their  trail  over  the 
Atlantic. 


134  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

I  felt  queer  as  a  dog,  but  Josiah  hailed  the  idee 
with  joy.  He  seemed  highly  tickled  to  have  one 
more  ingregient  of  curosity  added  to  our  cav 
alcade. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

THE    EMBARKATION. 

AND  so  it  wuz  settled,  and  Martin  bein'  writ  to 
to  git  another  ticket,  he  got  it,  and  sent  it  in  a 
letter  to  us.  But  what  he  would  say  when  he  see 
the  passenger  who  wuz  goin'  to  use  it  I  knew 
not,  but  I  knew  that  Alice  and  Adrian  wuz  good- 
natered,  and  would  feel  as  I  did  about  usin'  folks 
well.  And  then  I  remembered  that  complaint  in 
Martin's  eyes,  and  felt  that  if  he  didn't  take  to 
Al  Faizi,  he  would  most  probble  be  so  near-sighted 
that  he  couldn't  see  him  much,  if  any. 

And  so  it  turned  out  (to  go  ahead  of  the  wagon 
a  spell,  or,  ruther,  to  paddle  backwards  a  few  fur 
longs),  after  the  first  conversation  Martin  held  with 
him,  and  see  what  his  bizness  wuz  over  here  in 
America  and  wuz  a-goin'  to  be  in  Europe — Mar 
tin's  eyes  wuz  so  bad  that  he  couldn't  see  him 
hardly  ever. 

But  Alice  wuz  sweet  and  courteous  to  him,  and 
Adrian  liked  him  dretfully  from  the  first.  And  Al 
Faizi,  when  he  first  see  Alice's  sweet  face,  he 
stood  stun  still  for  more'n  quite  a  spell. 


136  SAMANTHA    IN   EUROPE. 

And  on  his  dark,  handsome  face  dawned  a  look 
sech  as  a  man  might  have  who  had  been  walkin' 
a  considerable  time  through  a  underground  way, 
who  had  come  out  full  in  view  of  the  mornin'  sun 
a-risin'  up  on  a  June  world. 

I  d'no  as  anybody  noticed  that  look  but  jest 
me  ;  I  don't  believe  they  did,  for  Martin  wuz  talk- 
in'  to  Josiah  in  a  dretful  kind  and  patron i/in'  way, 
and  Alice  wuz  all  took  up  a-lookin'  with  her 
heart's  eye  on  the  land  where  her  prince  reigned. 

And  Adrian  wuz,  as  I  say,  dretful  took  up  with 
Al  Faizi,  and  see  nothin'  in  his  dark,  expressive 
face  only  what  he  looked  for,  and  what  he  found 
in  it  from  day  to  day  all  through  our  tower — the 
good  nater  of  a  patient  comrade,  \vho  loved  him 
for  his  own  bright,  winnin'  little  self,  and  loved 
him  more  for  the  sake  of  another,  whose  heart's 
joy  Adrian  wuz. 

Martin's  eye  complaint  seemed  to  be  real  bad 
so  fur  as  the  noble  heathen  wuz  concerned. 

I  guess  Al  Faizi,  in  the  first  conversation  he  had 
with  him,  tackled  him  in  the  everlastin'  cause  of 
jestice,  and  pity,  and  mercy — subjects  that  Martin 
hain't  "ofay"  in  (that  is  French.  I  seldom  use 
foreign  languages,  but  I've  hearn  Maggie  use  it 
considerable,  and  know  it  is  lawful). 

No ;   Martin  and  Al  Faizi  looked   on  this  earth 


THE    EMBARKATION.  137 

and  the  things  of  life  with  sech  different  pairs  of 
eyes  that  I  d'no  as  they  could  be  said  to  look  on 
this  old  planet  on  the  same  side. 

Al  Faizi  looked  on  the  deep  side  of  subjects. 
He  looked  fur  down  under  the  outside  current  to 
try  to  discern  the  hidden  springs,  from  whence 
these  clear  and  turbid  torrents  flowed. 

If  he  found  a  spring  that  yielded  black  water, 
his  first  thought  wuz  to  give  warnin'  and  try  to 
dam  it  up. 

Martin  would  try  to  keep  it  a-humpin',  so's  to 
utilize  it — sell  the  mud  that  flowed  from  it,  mebby. 

Al  Faizi's  gaze  pierced  through  the  clouds  of 
earth,  and  rested  on  the  gold  pinnacles  of  Heaven. 

Martin  clutched  handfuls  of  the  gold  ore  of  earth 
and  held  it  clost  to  his  eyes,  and  so  shet  out  the 
sight  of  the  Heavenly  City. 

One  wuz  honestly  a-tryin'  to  sweep  away  utterly 
the  vile  sperits  of  ignorance,  evil,  and  want,  etc.,  etc. 
Martin  wuz  for  catchin'  'em  and  hitchin'  'em  to  his 
lawn-mower,  to  keep  the  lawn  smooth  round  the 
house  of  his  earthly  tabernacle. 

Curous  extremes  as  ever  met,  I  believe,  and  as 
interestin'  to  witness  from  day  to  day  as  the  most 
costly  and  curous  menagerie  of  wild  animals  would 
be. 

But,  as  I  said,  Martin's  eyes  bein'  formed  in  jest 


138  SAMANTIIA    IN    EUROPE. 

that  way,  he  wuzn't  able  to  hardly  see  the  noble 
heathen  after  that  first  interview. 

Wall,  to  go  back  to  the  wagon  agin  and  proceed 
onwards  with  my  history,  or  paddle  back  to  the 
steamer. 

At  last  the  last  minute  come — Ury  and  Philury 
had  took  us  to  the  cars  and  been  shooken  by  the 
hands,  and  amidst  fervent  good-byes  had  been 
adjured  over  and  over  about  the  necessity  of  keepin' 
the  cat  out  of  the  milk  room,  and  the  gate  shet  be 
tween  the  garden  and  paster,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc., 
etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

And  they  had  promised  faithfully  to  adhere  to 
our  wishes,  and  to  advise  us  of  the  results  in  weekly 
letters. 

We  let  'em  move  right  in  and  have  half  of  every 
thing — butter,  cheese,  eggs,  wool,  black  caps,  etc. 
And  they  wuz  highly  tickled  as  well  as  we. 

Thomas  Jefferson  and  Maggie  had  gone  with  us 
to  the  station,  where  Whitfield  and  Tirzah  Ann  put 
in  a  late  appearance,  on  account  of  Tirzah's  bein' 
ondecided  whether  to  wear  a  thick  or  a  thin  dress  ; 
the  day  bein'  one  of  them  curous  ones  when  you 
don't  really  know  whether  it  will  be  hazy  or  warm. 

And  they'd  come  in  time  to  kiss  us  and  clasp  our 
hands  in  partin'. 

The   girls   both   brought   bokays    with   'em,    and 


140  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Babe,  the  darlin',  brought  a  bunch  of  English 
violets  to  send  to  Adrian,  knowin'  that  he  jest  wor 
shipped  that  posy — and  it's  one  of  my  favorites,  too. 
Wall,  the  last  words  wuz  said  to  us,  Al  Faizi  had 
made  his  last  low  bow  to  the  children,  and  said  the 
last  polite,  melodious  adieu,  and  we  embarked  on  to 
the  cars. 

But  I  looked  back,  and  I  see  Tirzah  Ann 
a-wrestlin'  with  her  polynay,  that  had  got  ketched 
into  her  parasol,  and  Whitfield  a-helpin'  her  to  ondo 
herself. 

And  I  see  Maggie's  sweet,  upward  look  to  the 
car  winder,  and  met  the  clear,  affectionate,  compre- 
hendin'  look  of  my  boy,  Thomas  Jefferson. 

It  is  curous  how  well  acquainted  our  sperits  be 
with  each  other,  hisen  and  mine,  and  always  has 
been,  from  the  time  when  he  sot  on  my  lap  as  a 
child.  Our  souls  are  clost  friends,  and  would  be  if 
he  wuzn't  no  kin  to  me. 

He  is  a  young  man  of  a  thousand,  and  he  under 
stands  my  mind  without  my  speakin',  and  I  do 
hisen. 

But  to  resoom.  It  had  been  arranged  that  we 
should  proceed  directly  to  a  hotel  that  wuz  nigh  to 
the  Atlantic,  and  Martin  should  call  for  us  there, 
his  own  residence  bein'  in  a  opposite  direction. 

We  did  so,  and  after  a  good  meal — and  we  all  did 


THE    EMBARKATION.  14! 

jestice  to  it,  bein'  hungry — a  big  carriage  driv  up, 
and  Martin  alfghted  from  it  and  come  in. 

Anon  we  embarked  in  it,  and  after  a  seen  of 
almost  indescribable  tumult,  ovvin'  to  the  screamin' 
of  drivers,  the  conflict  of  passin'  wagons  and  car 
riages  and  dray  carts,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

And  after  numerous  givin's  up  on  my  part  that 
now  indeed  wuz  the  time  I  wuz  to  "  likewise  perish," 
we  found  ourselves  on  the  big-  steamer's  deck  that 

o 

wuz  to  bear  us  away  from  our  own  native  land. 

Lots  of  folks  wuz  there  a-takin'  leave  of  friends. 
Some  wuz  weepin',  some  wuz  laughin',  some  wuz 
talkin',  and  that  las'  some  wuz  multiplied  by  hun 
dreds  and  thousands,  seemin'ly. 

And  piles  of  flowers  lay  round,  offerin's  to  and 
from  fond  hearts  that  must  sever. 

Adrian  had  his  bunch  of  sweet  blue  violets,  and 
the  violets  wuzn't  any  sweeter  than  his  eyes.  And 
I,  even  at  the  resk  of  losin'  my  umbrell,  clutched  my 
precious  bokays — the  frail  links  that  seemed  to  con 
nect  me  with  my  own  native  Jonesville  and  my 
loved  ones  there. 

Josiah  seemed  to  be  lookin'  round  for  somebody 
he  could  scrape  acquaintance  with. 

And  Al  Faizi  stood  in  that  silent  way  of  hisen, 
with  his  dark,  ardent  face  seemin'ly  on  the  lookout 
for  sunthin'  or  other  he  could  learn,  and  a-seein' 


142 


SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 


every  move  that  Alice  made,  as  I  could  see,  though 
nobody  else  noticed  it. 

Martin  \vuz  a-flyin'  round,  busy  a-seein'  to  every 
thing.  Alice  wuz  a  little  apart  a-bendin'  over  the 
side  of  the  great  ship.  She  seemed  to  be  lookin' 
intently  on  sunthin1  or  somebody  on  the  pier,  and 

as  we  sailed  off  I  see  her 
snowy  handkerchief  wave 
out,  and  where  she'd  been 
a-lookin'  I  see  an  arm  lifted 
up  and  another  white  hand 
kerchief  wave  out  a  farewell. 
When  I  looked  clost  at 
her,  I  see  that  her  big  blue 
eyes  wuz  full  of  tears. 

As  for  me,  I  wuz  tryin'  my 
best  to  keep  my  equilibrum, 
for  the  boat  tested  some,  and 
my  equilibrum  hain't  what  it 
would  be  if  it  hadn't  had  the 
rheumatiz  so  much. 
But  my  umbrell  helped  me  some  ;  I  planted  it 
down  and  leaned  heavy  on  it,  and  in  its  faithful 
companionship  and  support  I  found  some  relief  as 
I  see  the  land  sail  swift  away  from  me,  seemin'  to 
be  in  a  hurry  to  go  somewhere. 

And   I   sez    in  my   heart — "Good-bye,   dear    old 


HER  BIG  BLUE  EYES  WUZ  FULL  OF  TEARS. 


THE    EMBARKATION.  143 

Land  !  you  no  need  to  be  in  sech  a  hurry  to  go 
back  and  dissapear  in  the  distance  ;  no  truer  lover 
did  you  ever  have  than  she  who  now  witnesses  your 
swift  departure,"  and  even  in  my  reverie  wantin'  to 
be  exact,  I  added — "  she  whose  name  wuz  once 
Smith." 

Quite  a  while  did  I  stand  there  until  Reason  and 
also  Josiah  told  me  that  I  had  better  seek  my  state 
room. 

I  don't  find  no  fault  with  that  room,  it  probble 
wuzn't  its  fault  that  the  narrer  walls  riz  up  so  many 
times,  and  seemed  to  hit  me  in  my  head  and 
stomach,  specially  the  stomach,  and  then  anon  turn 
round  with  me,  and  teeter,  and  bow  down,  and 
hump  up,  and  act. 

No  ;  the  little  room  wuzn't  to  blame,  and  my  suffer- 
in's  with  Josiah  Allen  for  the  three  days  when  he 
lay,  as  he  said,  in  a  dyin'  state,  right  over  my 
head— 

I  a-sufferin'  twice  over — once  in  myself  and  agin 
in  my  other  and  more  fraxious  and  worrisome  self. 

The  wild  demeanors,  the  groans,  the  frenzied  ex 
clamations,  and  anon  the  faint  and  die-away  actions 
of  that  man  can't  never  be  described  upon,  and  if 
it  could,  it  would  make  readin'  that  no  man  would 
want  to  read,  nor  no  woman  neither. 

But  after  a  long  interval,  in  which,  while  I  wuz 


144  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

a-layin',  a-tryin'  in  a  agonized  way  to  think  how  I 
wanted  my  effects  distributed  amongst  the  surviv 
ors — I  would  be  called  away  from  that  contempla 
tion  to  receive  my  pardner's  last  wills  and  testa 
ments,  and  I  heard  anon  or  oftener,  spoke  in  solemn 
axents — 

"  Bury  me  in  the  dressin'-gown,  Samantha." 

He  clung  to  that  idee,  even  in  his  lowest  and 
most  sinkin'est  moments. 

I  reached  up,  or  tried  to,  and  took  holt  of  his  limp 
hand  that  dangled  down  over  my  head,  and  I  sez— 

"  You  will  live,  Josiah,  to  wear  it  out." 

And  as  feeble  as  he  wuz,  and  as  much  as  he  had 
wanted  to  die,  them  words  would  seem  to  sooth  him 
some,  and  be  a  paneky  to  him. 

I  repeated  'em  often,  for  they  seemed  to  impress 
him  where  more  affectionate  and  moral  arguments 
failed. 

But  I  may  as  well  hang  up  a  double  rep  curtain 
between  my  hearers  and  the  fearful  seens  that  wuz 
enacted  in  our  state-rooms  for  nearly  three  days  and 
nights. 

I  hang  a  rep  curtain,  so's  it  would  shelter  the  seens 
more  ;  cretonne  is  too  thin. 

But  some  of  the  seens  are  so  agonizin'  and  sharp 
pinted  that  they  seem  to  pierce  even  through  that 
envelopin'  drapery. 


THE   EMBARKATION.  145 

One  of  them  dagger-like  episodes  wuz  of  the  fog 
horns. 

If  Josiah's  testementary  idees  and  our  united 
wretchedness  would  have  let  me  doze  off  some  in 
rare  intervals,  the  tootin'  of  them  horns  would  be 
sure  to  roust  me  up. 

Yes,  they  made  the  night  dretful — ringin'  of  bells, 
tootin'  of  horns,  etc. 

And  once,  it  wuz  along  in  the  latter  part  of  the 
night,  I  guess,  I  heard  a  loud  cry  a-risin'  above  the 
fog  horn.  It  seemed  to  be  a  female  in  distress. 

And  Josiah  wuz  all  rousted  up  in  a  minute. 

And  sez  he — "  Some  female  is  in  distress,  Saman- 
tha  !  Where  is  my  dressin'-gown  ?"  Sez  he,  "I  will 
go  to  her  rescue !"  And  he  rung  the  bell  wildly  for 
the  stewardess,  and  acted. 

Sez  I — "  Josiah  Allen,  come  back  to  bed  !  no 
woman  ever  yelled  so  loud  as  that  and  lived  !  If  it  is 
a  female  she's  beyend  your  help  now."  And  I  cur 
dled  down  in  bed  agin,  though  I  felt  queer  and  felt 
dretful  sorry  for  her ;  but  felt  that  indeed  that  yell 
must  have  been  her  last,  and  that  she  wuz  now  at 
rest. 

But  he  wuz  still  wildly  arrangin'  his  gown,  and 
hollerin'  for  the  tossels — they'd  slipped  off  from  it. 

''Where  is  them  dum  tossels?"  he  yelled  ;  "  must 
I  hear  a  female  yell  like  that  and  not  fly  to  her  res- 


146  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

cue  ?  Where  is  the  tossels?"  he  yelled  agin.  "  You 
don't  seem  to  have  no  heart,  Samantha,  or  you'd  be 
rousted  up  !" 

"  I  am  rousted  up  !"  sez  I  ;  "yes,  indeed,  I  have 
been  rousted  up  ever  sence  I  laid  my  head  onto  my 
piller ;  but  if  you  wuz  so  anxious  to  help  and  save, 
Josiah,  you  wouldn't  wait  for  tossels !" 

But  at  that  minute,  simultaneous  and  to  once,  the 
chambermaid  come  to  the  door,  and  he  found  his 
tossels. 

"  Who  is  that  female  a-screamin'  ?"  sez  Josiah, 
a-tyin'  the  cord  in  a  big  bow-knot. 

"That  is  the  Syren,"  sez  she.  And  she  slammed 
the  door  and  went  back  ;  she  wuz  mad  to  be  waked 
up  for  that. 

uThe  Syren!"  sez  Josiah  ;  "what  did  I  tell  you, 
Samantha  ?"  And  sez  he,  a-smoothin'  out  the  tossels, 
"  I  wouldn't  have  missed  the  sight  for  a  dollar  bill ! 
How  lucky  I  found  my  tossels  !"  sez  he. 

"  Yes,  dretful  lucky,"  sez  I  faintly,  for  I  wuz  wore 
completely  out  by  my  long  night  watches,  and  I  felt 
fraxious. 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "I  wouldn't  have  appeared  before 
a  Syren  without  them  red  tossels  for  no  money.  I 
always  wanted  to  see  a  Syren  !"  sez  he,  a-smoothin' 
out  the  few  hairs  on  each  side  of  his  cranium. 

Sez   he,   "  She  wuz   probble   a-screamin'    for  her 


THE   EMBARKATION. 


147 


lookin'-glass^  and  comb  ;  I'll  go  to  once  on  deck.  It 
is  a  bad  night;  if  she  has  missed  her  comb,  I  might 
lend  her  my  pocket-comb,"  sez  he. 

"  You  let  Syrens  alone,  Josiah  Allen  !"  sez  I,  git- 
tin'  rousted  up  ;  "  you  don't  want  to  meddle  with 
'em  at  all !  and  do  you  come  back  to  bed." 

"  Not  at  all,"  sez  he  ;  "  here  is  the 
chance  of  my  lifetime.  I've  always 
wanted  to  see  a  Syren,  and  now  I'm 
a-goin'  to  !" 

And  he  reached  up  to  a  peg  and  took 
down  his  tall  plug  hat,  and  put  it  on 
kinder  to  the  side  of  his  head  in  as 
rakish  a  lookin'  way  as  you  ever  see  a 
deacon's  hat  in  the  world  ;  he  then  took 
his  umbrell  and  started  for  the  door. 

Agin  come  that  loud  and  fearful 
yell  ;  it  did,  indeed,  seem  to  be  a  fe-  THEN  TOOK  HIS  UMBRELL  AND 

!        .  ,.  STARTED    FOR    THE    DOOR. 

male  in  direst  agony. 

"  But,"  I  sez,  "  I  don't  believe  that's  any  Syren, 
Josiah  Allen  ;  we  read  that  her  voice  lures  sailors  to 
foller.  her  ;  no  sailor  would  be  lured  by  that  voice, 
it  is  enough  to  scare  anybody  and  drive  'em  back, 
instead  of  forrered. 

"  What  occasion  would  a  Syren  have  to  yell  in 
sech  a  blood-curdlin'  way,  Josiah  Allen  ?" 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  put  to  his  wits'  end,  "  mebby  her 


148  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

hair  is  all  snarled  lip  by  the  wind  and  salt  water, 
and  in  yankin'  out  the  snarls,  it  hurts  her  so  that  she 
yells." 

I  see  the  common  sense  of  this,  for  the  first  night 
I  had  used  soap  and  salt  water  my  hair  stood  out 
like  quills  on  my  head,  and  it  almost  killed  me  to 
comb  it  out.  "  But,"  sez  I,  "  Syrens  are  used  to  wind 
storms  and  salt  water.  I  don't  spoze  their  hair  is 
like  other  folkses." 

Agin  come  that  fearful,  agonizin'  yell. 

Agin  Josiah  sez — "  While  we  are  a-bandyin'  words 
back  and  forth,  I  am  losin'  the  sight,"  and  agin  he 
made  for  the  door. 

But  I  follered  him  and  ketched  holt  of  the  tossels. 

He  paused  to  once.  He  feared  they  would  be  in 
jured. 

Sez  I,  "  Come  back  to  bed  ;  how  it  would  look 
in  the  Jonesville  paper  to  hear  that  Josiah  Allen 
had  been  lured  overboard  by  a  Syren,  for  they 
always  try  to  drown  men,  Josiah  !"  sez  I. 

"  Oh,  shaw  !"  sez  he  ;  "  they  never  had  me  to  deal 
with.  I  should  stand  still  and  argy  with  her — I  al 
ways  convince  the  more  opposite  sect,"  sez  he,  lookin' 
vain. 

But  I  see  the  allusion  to  drowndin'  made  him 
hesitate,  and  sez  he— 

"  You  don't  spoze  there  is  any  danger  of  that,  do 


THE    EMBARKATION.  149 

you,  Samautha  ?  I  would  give  a  dollar  bill  to  tell 
old  Gowdey  and  Uncle  Sime  Bentley  that  I'd 
interviewed  a  Syren  !"  sez  he.  "It  would  make  me 
a  lion,  Samantha,  and  you  a  lioness." 

"  I  shan't  be  made  any  animal  whatsoever,  Josiah 
Allen,  by  follerin'  up  a  Syren  at  this  time  of  night. 
They  never  did  anything  but  harm,  from  their 
grandmothers'  days  down,  and  men  have  always 
been  fooled  and  drownded  by  'em  !"  sez  I  ;  "  you 
let  Syrens  alone  and  come  to  bed,"  sez  I  ;  "  you're  a 
perfessor  and  a  grandfather,  Josiah  Allen,  and  I'd 
try  to  act  becomin'  to  both  on  em,"  sez  I. 

He  fingered  the  red  tossels  lovin'ly. 

"  Sech  a  chance,"  sez  he,  "  mebby  I  never  shall 
have  agin.  I  don't  spoze  any  man  who  ever  parlied 
with  'em  wuz  ever  so  dressy  in  his  appearance,  and 
so  stylish — no  knowin'  what  would  come  of  it  !" 
sez  he.  He  hated  to  give  up  the  idee. 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  it's  rainin'  as  hard  as  it  can  ;  them 
tossels  never  would  come  out  flossy  and  beautiful 
agin,  they  would  all  be  limped  and  squashed  down 
and  spilte." 

"  Do  you  think  so  ?"  sez  he  anxiously. 

He  took  off  his  hat  and  put  down  his  umbrell, 
and  sez  he — "  It  may  be  as  well  to  not  foller  the 
investigation  to-night ;  there  will  probble  be  a 
chance  in  fairer  weather." 


150  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

But  the  next  day  we  found  out  that  the  Syren 
wuz  a  thing  they  fixed  onto  the  fog  horn  for  certain 
signals,  and  Josiah  felt  glad  enough  that  he  hadn't 
made  no  moves  to  talk  with  her. 

I  wuz  glad  on  the  side  of  common  sense.      He  on 
the  account  of  them  tossels. 

But  after  we  found  out  what  it  wuz,  and  all 
about  it,  that  fog  horn  made  us  feel  dretful  lone 
some  and  queer  when  we  heard  it,  half  asleep  and 
half  awake.  It  would  seem  as  if  one  half  of  our 
life  wuz  a-hollerin'  out  to  the  other  half. 

Youth  and  middle  age  a-callin'  out  to  each 
other— 

"  Loss  !  loss !"  and  "  Gain  !  gain  !"  as  the  case 
might  be. 

Jonesville  and  London,  "Yell !  yell !" 
Love  !  peace  !  death  !  danger  !    u  Shriek  !  shriek  !" 
Them    you  love  who  wuz    here    on    earth,  and 
them  who'd  gone  over  the  Great   Flood,   "  Shout  ! 
shout  !" 

II  Ship  ahoy  !     What  hail !" 

Queer  sounds  as  I  ever  hearn  floated  in  on  them 
high  yells,  borne  by  the  winds  and  the  washin' 
waves  of  ocean  depths  and  the  misty  billows  from 
Sleep  Land,  broken  up  some  as  they  drifted  and 
mixed  with  the  billows  of  our  own  realm. 
.  But  daylight  would  always  seem  to  calm  down 


WE   TOTTERED    UP   ON    DECK,    TWO    PALE,    THIN    FIGGERS. 


I  52  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

this  tumult  and  bring  more  lusid  and  practical 
idees. 

Wall,  the  time  come  when  we  tottered  up  on 
deck,  two  pale,  thin  riggers,  to  be  confronted  by 
other  faces  that  wuz  as  wan,  and  some  that  wuz 
wanner. 

But  after  these  days  we  begun  to  feel  first-rate. 
Alice  and  Adrian  had  had  a  hard  time  of  it,  so  I 
had  learned  before  from  the  stewardess.  And  I'd 
sent  'em  lovin'  messages  time  and  agin,  and  they 
me. 

Martin,  I  don't  believe,  had  a  minute's  sickness, 
nor  Al  Faizi.  They  both  seemed  to  be  real  chipper ; 
though  they  both  seemed  to  be  perfect  strangers  to 
each  other  ;  and  I  spoze  they  wuz  and  will  be  to  all 
eternity — even  if  they  wuz  settin'  on  the  same  seat 
on  high. 

Their  two  souls  hain't  made  right  to  ever  be  inti 
mate  with  each  other. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

LANDING    IN    THE    EMERALD    ISLE. 

WALL,  after  all,  as  much  as  I  wuz  afraid  of  the 
deepness  and  length  and  breadth  of  the  ocean,  I 
had  a  pretty  good  time,  after  all. 

Somehow,  I  got  to  feelin'  that  the  ship  wuz  a  big 
city,  and  I  got  to  feelin'  as  if  it  wuz  about  as  safe  as 
the  land. 

We  d'no  what  is  a-goin'  on  under  us  on  land- 
no,  indeed,  we  don't,  and  if  we  git  to  forgittin'  it,  we 
often  git  a  shake-up  and  a  hunch  from  old  Mom 
Nater  to  let  us  know  that  we  are  entirely  ignorant 
of  what  she's  a-doin'  down  in  the  depths  of  the 
earth. 

Yes,  we  git  shook  up  with  earthquakes,  or  cy 
clones  lift  us  up  and  sweep  us  off,  and  hurricanes 
and  water-spouts  are  abroad,  and  cars  break  down, 
and  horses  throw  us  out  of  wagons,  etc.,  etc. 

I'd  bring  up  these  consolin'  thoughts  a  sight 
when  I'd  be  a-layin'  on  my  narrer  piller  and 
a-thinkin'  that  only  a  few  boards  wuz  between  me 
and — what  ?  And  I'd  kinder  shudder  and  turn 
over,  and  try  to  forgit  it. 


154  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

How  cold  the  water  wuz  and  how  deep,  and  how 
lonesome  it  would  be  a-sinkin'  down,  and  down, 
and  down,  and  how  big  the  shark's  mouth  wuz, 
and  how  the  cold,  bitter,  chokin'  waves  would  wash 
anythin'  to  and  fro  like  a  piece  of  weed,  and  sweep 
one  so  fur  off  and  so  fur  down  that  it  didn't  seem 
as  if  the  Angel  of  the  Resurrection  could  ever  find 
us  ! 

But  I  spoze  he  could. 

It  stands  to  reason  that  we  could  as  well  be  found 
in  a  shark  as  in  some  poseys  that  grow  up  from  the 
dust  of  our  body,  and  whose  perfume  exhale  in  the 
mornin'  dew  goin'  up  to  the  clouds,  fallin'  in  rain, 
and  goin'  through  countless  forms  before  the  resur 
rection. 

Oh  !  did  I  not  bring  up  all  these  thoughts  anon 
or  oftener  ?  And  did  I  not  say  to  myself,  time  and 
agin,  for  my  comfort  and  consolation,  "  The  One 
who  formed  me  out  of  nothin'  is  able  to  reform 
me."  Yes,  my  best  comfort  wuz  to  ask  the  One 
who  careth  for  'em  who  go  down  to  the  sea  in 
ships  to  care  for  me,  and  to  rest  in  that  thought. 

To  lay  down  in  the  depths  of  that  wide  love  and 
care  and  repose  myself  in  it 

Wall,  we  had  a  pretty  good  time  on  board. 
There  wuz  lots  of  different  kinds  of  folks  there, 
jest  as  there  always  is  on  land. 


LANDING   IN   THE    EMERALD    ISLE.  155 

I  had  hearn  that  there  wuz  a   live    English   Lord 

•4f> 

on  board,  and  Josiah  picked  him  out  the  first  time 
we  went  on  deck. 

Yes,  there  he  wuz,  as  we  spozed,  a  tall,  slim, 
supercilious-actin'  and  lookin'  feller,  who  ordered 
round  the  ship's  crew,  and  wuz  dissatisfied  with  his 
food,  and  snubbed  the  ocean,  and  felt  that  it  hadn't 
no  need  to  breathe  so  loud,  and  looked  askance  at 
the  Heavens  if  the  day  wuz  dull. 

Yes,  he  looked  down  on  everybody  and  every 
thing.  And  Josiah  sez — "  He  can't  help  it,  he  wuz 
brung  up  that  way  ;  he  is  a  Lord." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  Lord  or  not,  he  acts  like  a  fool !" 
Sez  I,  "  He  might  lower  his  nose  once  in  awhile  to 
rest  it." 

Truly,  he  held  it  right  up  in  the  air  the  hull  of 
the  time. 

But  come  to  find  out,  that  feller  wuz  a  Grocer's 
clerk,  who  wuz  a-makin'  his  first  trip,  and  felt  as  if 
Heaven  and  earth  wuz  a-watchin'  and  admirin'  his 
move. 

And  the  Lord  we  found  out  wuz  a  short,  square- 
built  man,  dressed  in  rough  tweed,  so  jolly  and  full 
of  fun  that  his  wife  had  to  hold  him  back  all  the 
time. 

She  would  have  been  glad  to  had  him  put  on 
some  dignity  and  things,  but  he  wouldn't. 


156  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

One  night  some  pretty  American  girls  give  a 
dance,  and  they  handed  round  some  little  favors 
that  looked  like  big  nuts,  and  when  you  opened 
'em  a  hull  tissue-paper  suit  come  out  on  'em,  and 
that  Lord  come  out  with  a  pink  paper  suit  on,  and 
went  round  through  the  dance  half  bent,  for  the 
skirt  wuz  but  short,  with  a  woman's  ruffled  cap  on, 
and  a  dress. 

His  wife  seemed  to  suffer  agonies.  Her  pride 
ached,  I  spozed.  But  his  didn't ;  he  wuz  as  happy 
as  a  lark,  and  didn't  put  on  any  more  airs  than 
any  common  medder  lark  would. 

I  liked  him  first-rate,  but  that  clerk  wuz  austere 
and  exclusive  to  the  last.  He  wouldn't  mingle 
with  us. 

He  wuz  a-travellin'  abroad.  And,  to  use  a  com 
mon  adage,  usually  applied  to  horses — "  He  felt 
his  oats." 

Wall,  they  got  up  a  paper  on  board  and  printed 
it  on  a  typewriter — the  Lord  furnishin'  most  of  the 
jokes  for  it. 

And  then  they  had  a  peanut-party,  and  the  Lord 
carried  the  most  of  anybody  on  the  back  of  his 
hand  and  got  the  prize — 3  long  strings  of  glass 
beads,  and  he  wore  'em  all  the  evenin',  to  his  wife's 
horrow. 

But  the  clerk,  whose  father  kep'  a  peanut-stand, 


LANDING   IN   THE   EMERALD    ISLE. 


157 


and  who  had  Jwelt  with  'em  all  the  days  of  his 
youth,  he  thought  it  wuz  a  vulgar  party,  and  he 
looked  at  peanuts  as  if  he  knew  'em  not. 

There  wuz  times  when   the  sea  wuz   rough,  and 
Josiah  and  I    retired   to   the   cabin,  and   for   hours 
bemoaned    our    fate  and  wondered   if  we 
should  ever  agin   see  the  cliffs  of  Jones- 
ville. 

And  on  one  heavey  day,  when  the  floor 
of  our  cell  seemed  to  rise  up  and  smite  us 
in  the  pits  of  our  stumicks,  Josiah  made 
his  will,  and  handed  it  to  me,  with  a  face 
on  which  love  and  agony  and  fear  ap 
peared,  about  a  third  of  each  on  'em. 

Sez  he,  in  a  voice  tremblin'  with  emo 
tion — "  Take  my  last  tribute  of  love,  and," 
sez  he,  "  have  it  recorded,  or  it  may  be 
broke." 

"But,"     Sez     I,     "dear   Josiah"-— for    his      THE  LORD  WITH  A  PINK  PAPER 

love  awoke  my  own ;   it   had  been  havin' 

a  nap  while  I  wuz  a-wrestlin'  with  the  elements,  and 

furniture  that  wuz  a-tryin'  to  upset  me. 

Sez  I — "  If  you  die,  I,  too,  shall  perish.      So  what 
avails  a  will  ?" 

He  hadn't  thought  of  that,  and  sez  he,  a-speakin' 
out  feebly  from  his  bunk  with  his  eyes  shet— 

"You're  fat;  you  may  float,"  sez  he;  "my  prize 


158  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

shoat  did  that  slipped  out  of  the  wagon  fordih'  the 
creek." 

Sez  I,  in  the  same  faint  axents — truly  our  two 
voices  WTUZ  as  feeble  as  a  pair  of  feeble  cats,  and 
weaker — sez  I,  "  I  always  said  you  would  twit  me 
of  my  heft  on  your  death-bed  if  the  subject  come 
up,  and  you  had  your  conscientiousness." 

Sez  he,  "  I've  showed  my  love  to  you — I  have 
left  you  everything  onconditional.  You  can  marry 
agin."  Sez  he,  "This  is  no  time  for  selfishness  and 
jealousy." 

"  Marry  agin!"  sez  I  feebly;  "what  do  I  want 
of  another  pardner?  Heaven  knows,  I  don't 
know  !" 

"  Wall,"  says  he  tenderly,  for  my  words  touched 
him — "you  may  feel  different  when  you  hain't  so 
sick  to  your  stumick." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "  and  you  may,  too  !" 

He  had  never  made  a  will  before  that  left  me 
onhampered,  and  I  felt  that  when  his  legs  wuz 
firmer  under  him,  and  his  stumick  and  head  wuz 
steadier,  that  he,  too,  might  undergo  a  change. 

And  he  did. 

It  wuz  a  bright,  calm  day.  He  felt  well,  and  I 
see  him  the  next  mornin'  a  furtively  tearin'  up  that 
will  and  a-strewin'  the  torn  bits  out  of  the  port-hole 
winder. 


LANDING    IN    THE    EMERALD    ISLE.  159 

As  he  did  so.  his  hands  got  entangled  in  a  cord 
I'd  made  out  of  weltin'  cord. 

And  sez  he,  a-lookin'  down  onto  it — "  In  the 
name  of  the  gracious  Peter !  what  is  this  ?" 

He  thought  in  a  minute  of  rope  ladders  and 
troubadors — he  acted  jealous. 

Sez  I,  "  It  is  some  handkerchiefs  that  I  am 
a-washin'  in  the  Atlantic  Ocean,  Josiah." 

He  didn't  know  I  wuz  awake,  and  it  startled 
him.  And  sez  he— 

"  How  did  you  ever  come  to  think  on't  ?" 

"I  d'no,"  sez  I;  "  but  I  thought  it  would  be 
sunthin'  to  think  on,  to  say  I  had  used  the  Atlantic 
for  a  washtub." 

Sez  he — u  Wash  one  of  mine,  Samantha.  I'd 
love  to  tell  Deacon  Garvin  on't." 

Sez  I — "  Your  second  best  bandanna  is  on  the 
line." 

He  looked  down  onto  the  heavin'  billows  with 
content,  and  sez  he — "  I'm  as  hungry  as  a  bear." 

That  mornin'  the  sea  lay  calm  and  beautiful. 
The  sun  riz  up  on  it  and  flooded  it  with  delicious 
waves  of  color  ;  the  east  wuz  a  flame  of  color,  and 
the  crest  of  the  heavin'  billows  wuz  aflame  with 
gold  and  crimson  and  amethyst,  and  fur  off  some 
tall  icebergs  loomed  up  like  cold,  pale  ghosts, 
a-hantin'  us  with  a  vague  sense  of  danger,  like  the 


l6o  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

undertone  of  sadness  that  underlays  all  things  the 
most  beautiful  and  grand. 

Then  there  wuz  moonlight  evenin's,  when  the 
moon  shone  down  full  and  clear,  and  the  glorified 
sky  and  the  glorified  water  seemed  to  be  a  part  of 
each  other,  and  the  long  and  deep  rythm  of  the 
waves  seemed  to  bear  us  up  with  'em  in  a  grand 
hymn  that  all  creation  wuz  a-chantin'. 

And  then  there  wuz  misty  days,  when  clouds  of 
fog  settled  down  round  us  like  gray,  mysterious 
wings,  a-holdin'  us  clost  in  their  folds  of  mystery, 
when  we  knew  not  what  \vuz  a  yard  in  front  of 
us  ;  when  we  sailed  on,  blind  creeters,  not  a-know- 
in'  what  we  wuz  a-comin'  bunt  up  aginst — a  ice 
berg,  or  another  ship,  or  jest  the  open  space  ahead. 
When  the  cries  of  the  fog-horn  seemed  to  be  a- 
hollerin'  out— 

"  Git  out  of  the  way,  we're  a-comin'  !" 

But  how  could  a  iceberg  hear  and  wheel  round  ? 
No,  it  hadn't  come  down  from  the  pole  for  no 
sech  a  purpose,  it  wuz  a-goin'  straight  ahead. 

Them  wuz  solemn  times,  and  we  would  think 
that  we  couldn't  never  forgit  'em. 

o 

But  we  did.  When  the  sun  shone  bright  agin,  we 
wuz  ready  to  forgit  the  sorrer  and  danger  of  the 
night  and  be  happy  agin.  And  at  times,  fur  off  on  the 
fur,  watery  plain — fur  off  ahead,  we  would  see  a  sail. 


LANDING   IN   THE    EMERALD    ISLE.  l6l 

Nearer  and  nearer  it  would  come,  and  then  go 
by  us  and  dissapear  in  the  horizen  back  of  us— 
meetin'  and  partin'  at  some  distance  without  a 
word  ;  some  like  human  bein's  goin'  by  each  other 
on  the  ocean  of  Life.  Separate  worlds  full  of 
human  life  and  interest  meetin'  and  partin,'  floatin' 
by  onbeknown. 

I  took  a  strange  and  a  mysterious  comfort  some 
times  a-bendin'  over  the  sides  of  the  ship  and 
lookin'  fur  down  into  the  depths  of  the  water  and 
a-seein'  huge  forms  a-playin'  down  in  their  strange, 
green  depths,  or  imaginin'  I  could.  And  I  took 
a  kind  of  dretful  enjoyment  a-ponderin'  on  what 
would  foller  on  and  ensue  if  I  should  fall  off 
and  plunge  down  into  the  liquid  depths.  But 
them  thoughts  wuz  too  full  of  or  to  indulge  in 
long.  They  driv  me  back  to  the  side  of  my  be 
loved  pardner,  or  the  society  of  little  Adrian  and 
Alice. 

Adrian  knew  everybody  on  board,  and  every 
body  loved  him.  But,  above  all,  he  liked  a  sailor 
called  Mike.  From  all  I  could  learn,  that  seaman 
racked  his  brain  to  tell  all  sorts  of  wild  sea  stories 
to  the  child. 

I  d'no  as  I've  told  about  Josiah's  appetite  durin' 
that  voyage.  My  pardner's  appetite  wuz  always 
a  strong  subject,  but  now  it  wuz  exceedingly  queer. 


l62  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

After  he  got  over  his  seasickness,  most  the  first 
words  he  said,  and  they  come  right  after  his  "good- 
by"  and  partin'  words  to  me,  though  some  time 
after — he  waked  up  out  of  a  deep  sleep,  and  the 
first  words  he  said  to  me  wuz,  in  middlin'  feeble 
axents— 

"  Do  you  spoze,  Samantha,  I  could  git  a  little 
biled  beef  and  cabbage,  and  some  pork  and  beans?" 

He  had  been  a-livin'  on  water  gruel,  and  the 
words  almost  startled  me.  But  I  obtained  the 
ingregients  with  some  trouble,  and  as  I  bore  them 
in,  a  large  platter  full  of  each,  he  looked  up  dret- 
ful  feeble  and  languishing  and  sex  he 

"  Set  'em  down  by  the  bed,  Samantha,  and 
mebby  I  could  eat  a  bean,  or  part  of  one." 

"Part  of  one  bean"  didn't  sound  very  encour- 
agin',  but  I  set  'em  down,  and  the  next  time  I 
see  them  platters,  about  ten  minutes  afterwards, 
they  wuz  both  clean  as  though  they  had  been 
swept  and  garnished. 

And  from  that  minute  he  gained  on't.  My  own 
first  hankerin'  after  I  got  better  wuz  for  a  biled 
dinner.  Of  course,  I  couldn't  git  that,  but  I  ex 
changed  milk  porridge  for  roast  pork,  and  sas- 
sige,  and  cabbage  hot  slaw  the  first  thing,  and 
felt  satisfied  and  happy  with  the  change. 

Curous,    hain't   it  ?     If    I'd    been    on  land  I  be- 


LANDING    IN    THE    EMERALD    ISLE.  163 

lieve  they  would  a-killed  me,  but  I  thrived  on  the 
diet 

Wall,  I  never  shall  forgit  how  good  the  land 
looked  to  me  as  I  looked  fur  forrerds  over  the 
heavin'  billows  of  blue,  and  see  the  beautiful  green 
shores  of  Oueenstown  a-risin'  up  ahead. 

Adrian  said,  "  Auntie,  is  that  the  Emerald  Isle, 
and  are  the  hills  all  covered  with  emeralds,  like 
Alice's  ring?"  Sez  he,  "Mike  told  me  they 
were." 

Sez  I,  "  Don't  you  pay  any  attention  to  what 
Mike  sez.  The  hills  are  jest  covered  with  soft, 
green  grass  that  would  look  enough  sight  better  to 
me  than  any  jewelled  stuns  would." 

Al  Faizi  stood  motionless,  lookin'  on  the  fair 
seen  ahead,  as  if  he  wuz  a-lookin'  over  the  Swellin's 
of  Jordan  into  the  Promised  Land  ;  part  of  the 
time  that  riz  up  look  rested  on  Alice's  sweet  face. 

Alice  and  Martin  wuz  a-walkin'  arm-in-arm  up 
and  down  the  deck,  as  much  took  up  with  the 
sight  as  we  wuz,  only  Martin  thought  it  looked 
more  wise  to  not  act  tickled  and  enthuastick 
about  it. 

That  is  the  first  rule  in  etiket  with  some  folks,  to 
not  act  tickled  and  glad  about  anything,  but  to 
look  as  stunny  and  onmoved  at  a  masterpiece  of 
Art,  or  a  towerin'  Alp,  as  at  a  plate  of  cold  ham. 


164  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

Josiah,  he  vvuz  a-worryin'  about  the  tug  that  wuz 
to  take  us  on  shore. 

"A  tug!"  sez  he;  "I  don't  like  that  name,  it 
don't  sound  reliable.  If  it  is  a  good  convenience, 
why  is  it  sech  a  tug  to  it  to  carry  us  ?" 

Sez  I,  "  Be  calm,  Josiah,  everything  will  come 
out  right." 

And  sez  he,  "One  of  the  passengers  called  it  a 
'tender.'  If  it  is  so  tender,  I  don't  believe  it  is 
safe.  Tenderness  means  weakness,"  says  he. 

"  Not  always,"  sez  I,  "quite  the  reverse."  But 
I  see  that  it  wuz  no  time  to  plunge  into  meta- 
physicks  and  prove  to  him  what  I  knew  well,  that 
"the  bravest  are  the  tenderest — the  lovin'  are  the 
darin'." 

Then  sez  he,  "If  we  ever  live  to  git  into  that 
tug,  we  have  got  to  have  our  baggage  all  over 
hauled  by  the  Custom  House  Officers." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "what  of  it?  We  hain't  nothin' 
to  conceal  or  cover  up." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  that  dressin'-gown  of  mine  will 
jest  as  likely  as  not  be  all  throwed  round  and 
mussed  up.  It  worries  me  !"  sez  he. 

Sez  I,  "  Don't  worry,  Josiah  Allen  ;  it  is  good 
rep,  and  it  will  stand  a  good  overhaulin'  and  not 
hurt  it." 

"  Wall,"  sez   he,  "  them  tossels  can't   be  handled 


LANDING   IN   THE    EMERALD    ISLE.  165 

over  by  all^  Ireland  and  come  out  hull  and  sound. 
It  is  nothin'  but  dum  foolishness  to  have  to  go 
through  all  them  performances." 

But  his  worryin'  wuz  worse  than  the  reality. 
For  anon  we  sailed  into  Cork  harbor,  and  got  into 
the  tug  that  come  out  to  meet  us.  The  officers 
jest  give  our  things  the  lightest  examination  pos 
sible.  They  didn't  throw  things  around  at  all, 
and  they  wuz  real  polite,  only  in  one  thing — they 
asked  us  if  we  had  tobacco  or  sperits. 

Josiah  never  took  his  eyes  offen  that  dressin'- 
gown  through  the  hull  of  the  ordeal,  and  he 
wuz  foldin'  them  tossels  lovin'ly  as  soon  as  they 
dropped  his  satchel,  when  I  wuz  lookin'  back  and 
a-wonderin'  at  the  size  of  the  steamer  that  loomed 
up  above  us  some  like  a  cliff. 

As  I  say,  the  man  with  the  officers  asked  me  if 
I  had  sperits  or  tobacco  in  my  luggage. 

I  confronted  him  with  a  stern  look,  calculated 
to  wither  him,  and  sez  I— 

"Do  I  look  like  it,  sir?" 

"  Look  like  what  ?"  sez  he. 

"  Like  a  old  toper  who  carry s  round  whiskey 
and  a  pipe  ?"  Sez  I,  "  I  never  drink  a  drop 
stronger  than  coffee,  half  cream,  and  I  never 
smoked  a  pipe  in  my  life,  only  once  I  smoked  a 
little  mullen  for  asthma." 


1 66 


SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 


He  felt  ashamed,  jest  as  I  wanted  him  to.  He 
see  the  power  of  principle,  and  he  didn't  hardly 
touch  my  things. 

Wall,  it  wuz  no  wonder  that  Josiah  worried 
some.  These  things  were  new  to  us.  He  and  I 

wuz,  as  you  may  say,  the 
only  students  and  novices 
in  traveilin'  in  the  hull 
party,  for  Al  Faizi  had 
been  everywhere,  his  con 
versation  wuz  enriched  by 
allusions  to  every  land. 

And  Alice  had  been  to 
Paris  to  school  for  three 
years.  And  Martin  had 
took  her  over  and  went 
after  her.  lie  often  spoke 
of  his  familiarity  with  for 
eign  life  and  the  exhaus 
tive  study  he  had  made  in 
foreign  fields.  "There 
wuz  little  left  for  him  to 
see,"  he  claimed. 

He  had  took  Alice  over  and ,  went  after  her, 
but  went  with  lightnin'  speed  only  when  he 
wuz  bed-sick.  So  Alice  told  me  with  her  own 
lips. 


WITH    A    STERN    LOOK,    CALCULATED   TO  WITHER    HIM. 


LANDING    IN    THE    EMERALD    ISLE.  1 67 

He  boasted  a  sight  of  his  intimacy  with  foreign 
ways  and  customs. 

Wall,  did  it  not  seem  good  to  set  our  feet  on 
land  once  more  !  But  I  wuz  almost  ashamed  to  see 
the  way  my  pardner  reeled  round,  for  he  acted  for 
all  the  world  as  if  he  had  been  a-drinkin'.  I  wuz 
jest  a-goin'  to  mention  it  to  him  when  he  whispered 
to  me— 

"  Hang  on  to  me,  Samantha,"  sez  he  ;  "  I  will 
never  tell  on't  in  the  world." 

"  Tell  of  what  ?"  sez  I,  as  I  made  a  effort  to 
stand  up  straight  and  strong. 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "if  you  took  a  little  too  much 
sling  for  that  cold  of  yourn,  I  hain't  one  to  throw 
it  in  your  face." 

Sez  he,  "  That  Stewardess  wuz  always  a-rec- 
omendin'  it." 

"  Sling  !"  sez  I  coldly  ;  "  I  hain't  took  a  drop  of 
anything  stronger  than  tea,  and,"  sez  I,  "  knowin' 
my  principles  as  you  do,  I  should  think  you'd  be 
ashamed  of  yourself  to  misuse  a  pardner  in  this 
shameful  way  !" 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  you  can't  walk  straight  to  save 
your  life  !  and,"  sez  he,  "  you  grew  so  indignant  on 
the  tug  at  that  man,  that  one  would  almost  mistrust 
you." 

I  see  that  there  wuz  some  reason  in  his  talk,  for 


1 68  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

too  much  indignation  looks  like  guilt,  lots  of 
times. 

Sez  I,  "  You  talk  about  my  reelin'  round  ;  what 
are  you  doin'  ?"  sez  I,  as  his  knees  crooked  and  he 
crumpled  down  like  one  intoxicated. 

Wall,  he  gin  up  that  it  wuz  the  effects  of  the 
ship,  and  erelong  we  were  in  a  good,  clean  tarvern 
and  had  breakfast. 

After  breakfast  \ve  wuz  indeed  glad  to  lay  down 
and  rest  for  a  little  while,  and  then,  as  the  rest  of 
the  party  had  all  sallied  out,  my  Josiah  and  me 
took  a  walk  all  to  ourselves,  or  that  is  what  we  had 
lotted  on. 

But  of  all  the  droves  of  beggars  that  follered  us, 
I  never  see  the  beat — nasty  and  shiftless  and  talkin' 
and  teasin'  the  very  life  out  on  us. 

I  gin  'em   a  few  cents  in  order  to  git  rid  on  'em. 

But  the  more  I  gin  the  more  they  follered  on. 
So  I  jest  shet  up  my  portmoney  and  put  it  into  my 
pocket. 

Josiah  poohed  at  'em  and  didn't  give  a  cent,  and 
didn't  approve  of  the  three  cents  I'd  expended. 

Till  one  old  woman  whispered  to  him,  and  I 
hearn  her  say— 

"  I  see,  young  man,  that  you  are  good  to  your 
old  mother ;  won't  you  for  her  sake  give  me  a 
shilling  ?" 


LANDING    IN    THE    EMERALD    ISLE.  169 

He  wavered — he  almost  gin  it  to  her.  Sez  she 
• — "  I  will  pray  for  blessin's  on  your  handsome 
young  head." 

He  handed  her  the  shillin'  with  a  happy,  foolish 
look,  which  lasted  till  she  come  round  to  my  side, 
and  she  whispered  to  me  — 

•"  My  pretty  young  lady,  give  me  a  sixpence. 
Your  poor  old  father  has  give  me  a  gift,  and  do  not 
let  your  own  young  heart  be  harder  nor  his." 

His  liniment  darkened  rapidly,  and  he  hurried 
me  through  the  narrer  streets,  full  of  shops  and  tar- 
verns  ;  and  he  did  not  console  himself  as  I  did  by 
lookin'  up  on  the  steep  hill  and  seein'  the  hand 
some  residences — no,  he  seemed  cut  to  the  heart. 

Wall,  Martin  said  when  we  got  back  that  we 
would  go  up  to  Cork  at  once,  as  he  wuz  anxious  to 
see  all  he  could  in  Ireland  as  rapidly  as  possible. 

He  said  that  in  a  week  at  the  outside  he  thought 
we  could  exhaust  all  the  sight-seein'  in  Ireland  and 
git  to  the  bottom  of  the  "  Irish  Question." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  you'll  do  well  if  you  do  that." 

And  I  didn't  make  no  moves  to  break  it  up,  and 
we  wuz  soon  a-ridin'  through  the  beautiful  green 
country.  And  we  seen  on  each  side  on  us  "  sweet 
fields  arrayed  in  livin'  green." 

Never  wuz  there  sech  velvety  grass,  and  the 
roads  wuz  as  smooth  and  as  hard  as  a  pavement. 


1 70  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

Stun  walls  run  along,  with  their  soft,  gray  color, 
and  anon  a  hedge,  birds,  and  flowers  would  break 
the  seen.  And  little,  low  cottages  covered  with 
vines  dotted  the  landscape  here  and  there  ;  and 
now  and  then  a  chapel  would  point  its  spire  up 
into  the  blue  overhead. 

Once  in  awhile  a  queer  rig  with  seats  rigged  out 
back  to  back,  drawed  by  horses,  and  full  of  folks, 
and  once  in  awhile  a  smaller  cart  drawed  by  a 
donkey,  and  once  in  awhile  a  woman  with  a  red  01 
blue  cloak  and  a  white  cap,  and  a  man  with  short 
pantaloons  and  coat. 

And  so  we  rid  on,  green  underneath,  blue  over 
head,  until  we  arrived  in  Cork. 

Wall,  we  put  up  at  the  Imperial  Hotel.  Every 
thing  wuz  clean  and  sweet  about  the  house,  and  we 
had  plenty  to  eat,  and  that  wuz  good.  It  wuz  in 
deed  a  comfort.  And  the  waiters  wuz  dretful  civil 
and  eager  to  please. 

It  beats  all,  the  difference  in  their  actions  here 
and  in  Jonesville. 

I've  had  Irish  wimmen  work  for  me  who  seemed 
to  look  down  on  me,  and  accepted  their  dollar  a 
day  hautily  ;  but  here  they  would  thankfully  receive 
their  sixpence  a  day,  and  treat  you  like  a  lady,  too, 
which  is  more  'n  half  the  battle. 

Queer,  hain't    it  ?    But    human    nater   is  human 


LANDING    IN    THE    EMERALD    ISLE. 


171 


nater,  and  even  a  little  child,  if  she  has  been  tyran- 
ized  over  by  her  Ma,  will  misuse  her  dolly  or  the 
cat.  I  spoze  that  trait  in  nater  can't  be  helped 
from  caperin'  when  it  gits  a  chance. 


WE   WENT   IN    WHAT   THEY    CALL    A    "  JAUNTIN*    CAR." 

Wall,  the  next  day  Martin  said  he  "  wanted  to 
go  to  Blarney  Castle  for  several  reasons." 

He  didn't  say  what  they  wuz,  but  I  spoze  one  of 
'em  wuz  that  old  reason  of  hisen  about  wantin'  to 


1/2  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

do  what  other  folks  did.  And  then,  mebby,  he 
wanted  to  try  to  palaver  better  than  he  had  pal 
avered.  Tenny  rate,  we  all  set  out  for  the  castle 
next  mornin'  after  breakfast. 

We  went  in  what  they  call  a  "  jauntin'  car." 
The  passengers  sot  back  to  back,  but  as  my  Josiah 
wuz  placed  by  my  side  I  did  not  mind  it. 

On  one  side  sot  we  two,  and  Al  Faizi,  on  the 
other  Martin  and  his  children. 

Wall,  the  view  wuz  enchantin'  beyend  description. 
The  road  wux  as  smooth  and  level  as  smooth  glass, 
bordered  by  hedges  full  of  pure  white  and  other 
colored  poseys,  a-fillin'  the  air  full  of  perfume,  and 
the  cottages  and  every  old  tower  and  ruin  wuz  cov 
ered  with  the  glossy  green  of  the  ivy. 

It  wuz  a  fair  seen — a  fair  seen  ! 

Nater  duz  her  best  in  Ireland,  anyway.  She 
seems  to  delight  to  cover  the  meanest  things — old 
straw-thatched  cabins,  and  stuns,  and  everything— 
with  a  robe  of  the  richest,  brightest  green  ;  mebby 
she  wants  to  kinder  make  up  to  the  Irish  for  \vhat 
they  hain't  got,  Jestice  and  comfort  and  sech,  and 
mebby,  agin,  it  is  the  moist  climate. 


CHAPTER   IX. 

A    VISIT    TO    BLARNEY    CASTLE. 

ANON  we  reached  the  old  castle,  for  when  any 
thing  gits  to  be  six  hundred  years  old  you  can  well 
call  it  old.  Why,  I  should  call  Josiah  dretful  old 
if  he  wuz  over  six  hundred  years  old. 

It  towers  up  considerable  high — a  hundred  feet, 
anyway.  Some  of  its  walls  are  eight  or  ten  feet 
thick.  Al  Faizi  asked  what  they  had  sech  thick 
walls  for. 

And  Martin  told  him  it  wuz  built  so  to  keep 
enemies  from  breakin'  in  and  killin'  the  inhabitants 
of  the  castle. 

He  looked  dretful  thoughtful,  and  then  he 
asked  what  made  them  big  holes  in  the  walls. 

Martin  said  that  Cromwell  made  'em  200  years 
ago.  Sez  Martin,  "  Cromwell  made  the  land  red 
with  blood." 

"Was  he  not  a  great  religious  leader  among  your 
people?"  said  Al  Faizi — "a  Reformer?" 

"Yes." 

"  Did  he  not  preach  the  doctrine  of  peace,  love 
to  your  enemies,  good  will  ?" 


SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPP:. 

"  Yes,  of  course  he  did,"  sez  Martin. 

"  Why  did  he  kill  so  many  men,  then  ?"  sez  Al 
Faizi. 

"  To  make  the  other  men  behave  themselves," 
sez  Martin. 

u  Kill  them  to  make  them  act  better  ?" 

"  The  Catholics  and  the  Protestants  both  fought 
in  the  name  of  their  religion,  and  tortured  and  killed 
and  slaughtered  thousands  and  thousands  of  men 
and  women." 

"  For  the  sake  of  religion  ?"  sez  Al  Faizi.  And 
he  took  out  his  book  and  wrote  rapidly  for  awhile, 
but  he  didn't  say  nothin'. 

"  It  was  a  case  of  killing  or  being  killed,"  sez 
Martin.  "It  was  a  religious  war." 

"  A  religious  war  ?"  sez  Al  Faizi  dreamily. 
"  Where  was  His  teaching,  the  divine  Christ,  '  Love 
your  enemies,  do  good  to  them  that  persecute 

'  V 

you   ? 

"  That  won't  work,"  sez  Martin ;  "  those  words 
are  good  in  peace,  but  in  danger  they  don't  work 
worth  a  cent." 

Al  Faizi  looked  up  slowly  to  Martin's  face  ;  in 
his  eyes  wuz  a  shinin'  light,  a  softness,  a  tenderness 
sech  as  made  his  face  shine,  and  underneath  it  all 
wuz  a  sort  of  a  innocent,  wonderin'  look,  which  I 
spoze  would  be  called  primitive  and  oncivilized. 


A   VISIT    TO    BLARNEY    CASTLE.  175 

Martin's  Jace  looked  commercial  and  successful, 
sharp  and  shrewd,  and  what  he  called  civilized. 

I  had  quite  a  number  of  thoughts  as  I  looked  on 
the  two  men,  over  a  dozen  and  a  half,  anyway. 

Alice  and  Adrian  wuz  pickin-  some  of  the  green 
ivy  sprays,  and  they  brung  'em  to  me  and  wanted 
me  to  look  at  'em. 

Sez  Alice,  "  Some  of  this  ivy  that  grows  here  so 
wild  and  luxuriant — acres  of  it,  it  seems  to  me — is 
just  the  kind  that  we  see  little  slips  of  in  our  green 
houses  at  home  ;  do  you  see  how  beautiful  it  is  ?" 

And  she  held  up  a  few  of  the  glossy  leaves  to  Al 
Faizi. 

He  glanced  at  it,  and  then  beyend  into  her  sweet, 
uplifted  face. 

"  Yes,  I  see  how  beautiful  it  is,"  he  sez  softly,  and 
he  ended  his  words  with  a  deep  sithe. 

And  a  shadder  settled  down  over  his  face,  and  he 
turned  to  his  writin'  agin. 

As  for  Alice,  she  see  nothin',  but  kep'  a-gatherin' 
her  ivy  sprays  and  a-singin'  to  herself  in  her  low, 
sweet  voice— 

"  I  give  thee  an  ivy  leaf, 

Only  an  ivy  leaf, 
Oh,  wear  it  forever,  love,  nearest  thy  heart." 

I  knew  very  well  who  she  wuz  aposthrofizin'  in 
her  own  heart  entirely  onbeknown  to  her  as  she  wuz 


1/  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

hummin'  over  little  snatches  of  the  song  and 
a-pickin'  the  glowin'  green  sprays.  And  I  knew 
that  the  affection  and  constancy  that  dwelt  in  her 
soul  wuz  as  deathless  as  that  ivy  and  fur  more 
clingin'  and  beautiful. 

Martin  had  climbed  up  to  the  elevation  where 
the  Blarney  Stun  hung  suspended  two  feet  below 
the  surface,  fastened  by  iron  clamps. 

But  he  wouldn't  rusk  his  neck  by  bein'  lowered 
down  to  that  place,  but  he  kissed  a  little  chunk  that 
layed  on  the  ground  inside  the  castle,  for  I  see 
him. 

And  so  did  Josiah,  though  I  didn't  advise  him  to. 

Josiah,  a-lookin'  up  from  below,  had  been  makin' 
calculations  on  how  he  could  be  lowered  down  to 
the  big  Blarney  Stun  on  the  ruff. 

Sez  he,  "It  wuz  a  oversight  in  me  not  takin'  a 
rope  ;  but,"  sez  he,  all  rousted  up,  as  his  ardent,  im 
pulsive  way  is,  sez  he,  "I  might  take  that  mantilly 
you've  got  on." 

It  bein'  a  cool  day  I'd  worn  it. 

"  And  you,  and  Martin,  and  Fazer  could  hang 
holt  of  one  end,  and  tie  the  other  end  round  my 
waist.  I  could  be  lowered  down  and  kiss  it  and 
not  git  a  hair  of  my  head  hurt." 

I  glanced  pityin'ly  at  his  bald  head,  and  sez  I 
coldly— 


A   VISIT   TO    BLARNEY    CASTLE.  1/7 

"  How  would  it  be  with  the  tabs?" 

4p 

"  Oh,"  sez  he,  "  it  might  stretch  'em  a  little,  but 
if  a  pardner  wouldn't  be  willin'  to  resk  a  tab  for 
her  husband,  she  can't  think  much  on  him." 

And  he  prepared  to  mount  the  steep,  a-holdin' 
out  his  hand  for  the  mantilly. 

I  stood  still,  foldin'  my  tabs  round  me  more 
clost. 

Sez  he,  "  You  talk  a  sight  about  your  feelin's  for 
me,  and  now  you  put  a  mantilly  ahead  of  'em.  I 
hain't  equal  in  your  mind  to  a  tab,"  sez  he  bitterly. 

A  thought  struck  aginst  me.  "  No,  Josiah," 
sez  I,  "  you  use  my  mantilly  to-day,  and  tomorrer 
we  will  come  back,  and  I  will  use  the  tossels  on 
your  dressin'-gown."  (They  wuz  stout  ones — stout 
as  a  rope  almost.) 

He  looked  dumbfoundered.  "  Use  them  tos 
sels  ?"  sez  he. 

"  Yes,"  sez  I  ;  "you  can't  think  much  of  me  if 
you  put  them  tossels  ahead  of  me." 

Sez  he,  "  Them  tossels  hain't  a-goin'  to  be  used 
to  lift  a  ton's  weight.  I  might  as  well  give  'em  up 
to  once  as  to  misuse  'em  so." 

"Then  I  hain't  as  much  importance  in  your  mind 
as  a  tossel  ?"  sez  I  ;  and  he  admitted  that  I  wuzn't 
half  so  good  lookin'. 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  <k  less  gin  up  the  idee,  both  on  us." 


1/8  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Sez  he,  "  Didn't  you  bring  sunthin'  to  eat  with 
you  ?  I'm  as  hungry  as  a  bear." 

So  I  gladly  led  him  away  from  the  stairs  leadin' 
to  Danger  and  Blarney,  and  we  found  a  good,  clean 
spot,  and  spread  out  our  refreshin'  lunch  that  we 
had  brung  with  us  to  refresh  ourselves  with,  and 
Josiah  did  indeed  do  jestice  to  it ;  but  that  dear 
man  always  duz  do  that,  at  home  or  in  more  foreign 
climes. 

Yes,  indeed  ! 

Wall,  the  day  passed  away  with  no  particular 
coincedences. 

We  went  home  by  another  road  that  led  through 
the  valley,  by  meetin'-housen  and  horsepitals,  jails, 
etc.,  and  amongst  the  rest  we  see  Father  Mathew's 
statute. 

And  if  you'll  believe  it — but  I  don't  spoze  you 
will — all  round  the  statute  of  that  man,  who  spent 
his  hull  life  a-fightin'  aginst  intemperance,  is  a  hull 
lot  of  drinkin'  places.  As  if  they  calculate  to  keep 
right  on  a-tormentin'  even  his  statute. 

But  they've  no  need  to  try  it,  good  old  creeter  ! 
He  himself  has  got  beyend  the  toil  and  the  heart 
aches  caused  by  others'  sin  and  weaknesses. 

He  has  got  to  the  place  where  he  is  not  plagued 
and  heart-broken  by  the  sight  of  that  sin  and  folly, 
for  what  duz  it  say— 


A  VISIT   TO    BLARNEY   CASTLE.  179 

" There  are  no  drunkards  there." 

gp 

Good  old  soul  ! 

Keep  on  a-sellin'  your  accursed  stuff  right  under 
the  marble  nose  of  his  statute  if  you  want  to,  or 
pour  whiskey  over  it,  you  can't  git  nigh  to  him, 
this  hero,  this  martyr,  who  give  his  life,  and  has  now 
found  it  in  glory. 

But  to  resoom. 

Wall,  the  next  mornin'  we  sot  off  in  a  carriage 
for  Killarney. 

There  wuz  some  sort  of  a  meetin'  that  day,  and 
the  bells  wuz  a-ringin'  as  we  rode  along. 

Mebby  amongst  'em  wuz  the  Bells  of  Shandon. 

I  shouldn't  wonder ;  I  sort  o'  listened  to  the 
sound  of  'em  with  my  soul,  but  I  d'no  as  I  could 
recognize  'em  so's  to  tell  'em  from  the  other  bells. 

Our  souls  hain't  learnt  our  mortal  ears  yet,  as  it 
would  love  to,  as  it  will  in  the  futer. 

But  it  seemed  as  though  I  could  hear  as  we  rode 
along  the  Bells  of  Shandon. 

And  thoughts  of  what  I'd  seen  in  a  face  the 
day  before  kinder  chimed  in  with  the  sweet,  melan 
choly  sounds. 

As  it  happened,  Al  Faizi  sot  by  me,  and  I, 
a-feelin'  that  I  had  a  duty  to  do,  and  a-layin'  out 
to  do  it  if  I  got  a  chance,  I  kinder  brung  the  con 
versation  round  to  Alice  ;  and  as  I  spoke  of  her 


180  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

sweetness  and  charm,  the  strangest  look  come  into 
his  eyes  you  ever  see,  and  he  sez  to  me,  jest  as 
though  I  wuz  a-beholdin'  his  secret  thoughts  onbe- 
known  to  him — "  I  have  a  vow — I  am  wedded  to 
the  cause  of  truth." 

He  said  it  with  a  deep  shadder  settlin'  down  over 
his  glowin'  eyes.  And  then  with  Duty  and  Pity 
a-bolsterin'  me  up  on  both  sides,  1  sez— 

"Alice  is  engaged  to  another  feller." 

He  looked  full  at  me  as  curous  a  look  as  I  ever 
see  in  my  life — what  did  I  see  in  his  eyes,  or  ruther 
what  didn't  I  see  ?  I  see  Religion,  Devotion, 
Deathless  Human  Love,  warm,  glowin',  eager  Re 
nunciation,  Pity  for  himself  (I  could  see  plain  that 
he  wuz  sorry  for  himself — sorry  as  a  dog),  Eager 
Zeal,  Pity  for  the  hull  world  layin'  in  wickedness. 

It  wuz  a  strange  look. 

And  I  never  said  anythin'  to  him,  only  the  look 
I  gin  him  in  answer,  where  deep  pity  and  admira 
tion  and  respect  blended  about  half  and  half.  And 
a  motherly  look  of  full  comprehension  and  sym 
pathy  a-shinin'  out  a-tellin'  him  that  I  knew  all,  and 
pitied  all,  and  would  never  tell  anybody  what  I 
knew. 

We  had  volumes  of  conversation  in  jest  them  two 
looks,  and  no  one  wuz  the  wiser — I  told  nobody. 

But,  indeed,  this  secret  knowledge  added  a  ingre- 


A   VISIT   TO    BLARNEY    CASTLE.  l8l 

gient  of  a§,  deep  curosity  as  wuz  ever  carried  round 
by  a  menagerie  as  a  side  show,  for  me  to  transport 
round  from  place  to  place,  or  wherever  we  pitched 
our  tent  on  our  tower. 

Yes,  truly,  things  wuz  in  as  curous  a  state  as  I 
ever  see,  so  fur  as  the  affections  and  sech  wuz  con 
cerned. 

Alice  a-bein'  wropped  up  in  the  thoughts  of  her 
feller,  and  her  father  a-bein'  determined  to  not  let 
her  so  much  as  think  on  him. 

Al  Faizi  wropped  up  in  Alice,  speakin'  to  nobody 
only  in  the  soul  language  of  the  eye,  anon  or  oftener, 
and  nobody  but  me  a-knowin'  it,  but  I  a-knowin'  it 
for  certain. 

Alice  a-bein'  adored  by  a  heathen  ! 

Queer  feelin's  it  gin  me  and  queerer  still  to  read 
in  that  heathen's  eyes  the  knowledge  that  she  had 
nothin'  to  fear  from  him — -she  would  never  have 
even  an  appeal  to  her  pity  in  futer  days. 

As  she  sot  by  her  husband's  side  a-holdin'  a  baby's 
head  on  her  bosom,  she  would  never  look  down 
into  its  sweet  eyes  and  think  with  pity  of  lonely, 
despairin'  eyes  that  wuz  facin'  a  lonely,  empty 
futer. 

No  ;  that  heroic  soul  kep'  its  own  secrets.  Why, 
you  can  be  a  hero  in  anything — even  boots  and 
galluses,  and  sech,  if  you  bear  pinchin'  from  'em 


1 82  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

without  complaint  (Josiah  never  could,  he  groaned 
audibly  and  frequent  unless  his  galluses  wuz  jest 
right). 

And  Adrian,  a  happy  little  soul,  pleased  with 
everything,  and  a-praisin'  himself  up  jest  as  calm  as 
he  did  castles  and  cathedrals,  and  jest  as  innocent. 

And  Martin  a-bearin'  himself  up  with  dignity, 
near-sighted  as  ever  when  it  come  to  recognizin' 
American  bores  and  curous  tourists. 

And  Josiah  and  I  in  our  usual  attitude  of  rapt 
devotion  to  each  other,  which  is  our  two  most 
striking  traits  (a  good  deal  of  the  time  they  be). 


CHAPTER   X. 

KILLARNEY,   DUBLIN,   AND    A    WAKE. 

MARTIN  said  that  he  wouldn't  for  the  world 
have  folks  ask  him  if  he  had  visited  the  Lakes  of 
Killarney,  and  have  to  say  no. 

And  I  believe  that  thought  kep'  him  up  through 
all  the  long  day's  journey  and  the  two  nights  and 
one  day  we  spent  there. 

I  don't  believe  he  had  any  deeper  feelin's  and 
more  riz  up  ones  when  he  looked  at  them  three 
beautiful  lakes,  with  the  mountains  a-standin'  up  all 
round  'em  with  bare  heads. 

Yes,  you'd  think  them  old  mountains  had  took 
their  green  caps  off  and  wuz  lookin'  down  on  'em 
with  deep  reverence  and  respect.  They  wuz  so 
exquisitely  beautiful. 

But  Martin,  mebby,  can't  be  expected  to  be  as  riz 
up  and  as  elevated  as  them  peaks  ;  anyway,  he  acted 
out  his  nater,  which  wuz  to  see  everything  he  could 
see,  to  stand  round  with  his  hands  in  his  pockets  if 
he  felt  like  it,  or  if  he  wuz  kinder  tired,  to  lean  back 
and  shet  up  his  eyes  and  rest  and  have  his  body 


KILLARNEY,    DUBLIN,    AND    A    WAKE.  185 

dragged  along  through  the  places,  so's  he  could  say 
he  had  been  in  'em. 

And  Al  Faizi  acted  out  his  nater,  which  wuz  to 
stand  like  a  devotee  before  a  shrine  as  the  beauty  of 
them  seens  busted  onto  him. 

And  in  noticin'  that  the  rich,  highly  cultivated 
lower  lands  layin'  about  the  lakes  wuz  all  fenced  in 
with  high  walls,  and  that  one  or  two  men  owned 
hundreds  and  thousands  of  acres,  sacred  to  the  use 
of  some  animals  they  wanted  to  hunt  down  for 
pleasure  once  or  twice  durin'  the  year,  while 
hundreds  and  thousands  of  poor  human  bein's  wuz 
starvin'  all  round  the  borders  of  these  immense 
estates. 

Livin'  in  miserable,  rotten  cabins,  so  poor  that 
one  of  these  rich  men  would  not  think  of  lettin' 
one  of  his  beasts  stay  in  'em  for  a  night.  Immortal 
souls  for  whom  Christ  died  hungry,  starvin'  for  a 
crust  and  dyin'  for  a  bit  of  the  luxury  that  wuz 
wasted  upon  dumb  brutes. 

In  noticin'  this,  Martin  sithed  to  think  that  them 
oien  wuzn't  to  home,  so  that  he  could  call  on  'em. 

He  said  that  he  would  love  to  say  that  he  had 
met  'em. 

But  Al  Faizi,  after  askin'  all  he  could  about  the 
estates  of  the  two  or  three  wealthy  men  and  the 
thousands  of  starvin'  ones  round  'em,  looked 


1 86  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

dretful  thoughtful,  and  took  out  his  little  book 
with  the  cross  and  star  on't  and  writ  a  lot  in  it. 

And  Martin  spoke  of  its  bein'  jest  as  bad  in  the 
north  of  Scotland,  where  the  Crofters  can  hardly 
git  enough  food  to  keep  from  starvin'.  And  they 
live  in  sech  huts  as  no  man  would  keep  his  animals  in. 

Big  families  of  boys  and  girls  huddled  together 
like  pigs  in  one  small  room,  with  a  open  fireplace 
in  the  middle,  with  no  chimney  and  no  ruff,  nothin' 
but  rotten  straw ;  the  smoke  blindin'  their  eyes, 
and  nothin'  to  eat  hardly. 

And  as  miserable  as  this  hovel  is,  the  landlord  is 
liable  to  turn  'em  out  at  any  time  to  make  room 
for  happier  and  better  cared-for  animals — sheep, 
deer,  etc.,  etc. 

As  Al  Faizi  hearn  this  his  face  looked  sad  and 
thoughtful,-  and  he  wrote  down  quick  a  good  deal 
in  that  little  book  of  hisen. 

I  think  Martin  liked  it.  He  thought  he  wuz 
takin'  notes  of  his  conversation,  and  he  felt  big 
over  it,  but  I  don't  believe  it  wuz  anything  personal 
that  Al  Faizi  writ.  I  believe  it  wuz  sunthin'  as 
deep  as  jestice  and  as  pure  as  love  and  pity  that 
he  wuz  a-writin'  about ;  anyhow,  his  face  wuz  a  study 
as  I  watched  it.  There  wuz  indignation  in  it  and 
pity  and  love,  and  another  look,  that  I  felt  instinc 
tively  wuz  a-lookin'  forrered  to  jedgment. 


KILLARNEY,    DUBLIN,   AND   A   WAKE.  187 

Lookin'  forrered  not  many  years  to  the  time 
when  things  would  be  different, 

Wall,  we  stayed  there  and  went  round  part  of 
the  way  in  boats,  and  part  of  the  way  in  wagons 
all  of  the  next  day,  a-lookin'  at  the  beautiful  gems 
of  lakes  in  their  settin's  of  richest  emerald,  and  in 
little  walks  about  the  country,  and  in  comparin' 
the  heights  of  luxury  to  the  depths  of  squalor  and 
misery. 

Not  fur  from  here  wuz  the  cottage  where  Kate 
Kearney  used  to  live.  You  know  who  she  wuz, 
I  spoze. 

"  For  did  you  not  hear  of  Kate  Kearney? 
She  lives  on  the  banks  of  Killarney  ; 
From  the  glance  of  her  eye 
Shun  peril  and  fly, 
For  fatal's  the  glance  of  Kate  Kearney." 

Whether  he  flew  from  her  I  d'no,  but  presoom 
he  didn't,  men  are  so  sot  in  these  things. 

Peril  and  danger  hain't  a-goin'  to  make  'em  fly 
from  a  pretty  woman — no,  indeed  ! 

In  the  lower  lake,  on  an  island,  wuz  the  ruins  of 
a  big  castle,  picturesque  and  ivy-covered.  It  wuz 
owned  by  the  O'Donohues.  And  the  boatman 
said  that  every  seven  years  the  chief  of  the 
O'Donohues  come  back  for  a  night  to  see  his 
castle. 


1 88  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

I  thought  to  myself,  mebby  he  come  oftener 
than  that,  but  didn't  say  a  word,  not  wantin'  to 
do  anything  to  either  make  or  break  a  legend  hun 
dreds  of  years  old. 

Wall,  we  wuz  a-layin'  out  to  leave  there  the  next 
mornin',  but  Martin,  by  his  pry  in'  round,  found 
that  there  wuz  a-goin'  to  be  a  wake  that  night  in 
a  cabin  not  fur  from  the  tarvern  where  we  wuz 
a-stayin',  and  by  payin'  some  money — I  d'no  how 
much — he  got  a  chance  to  attend  to  it,  and  he 
said  that  Josiah  and  I  could  go  if  we  wanted  to. 
He  told  me  he  didn't  spoze  that  Al  Faizi  would 
care  about  goin',  and  he  wanted  Alice  and  Adrian 
to  rest,  for  the  next  mornin'  early  we  wuz  to  set 
out  for  Dublin. 

But  I  thanked  him  real  polite,  and  told  him 
that  "  I  would  stay  with  the  children." 

And  afterwards,  seein'  that  Al  Faizi  wanted  to 
go,  them  three  men  sot  off. 

A  old  man  had  passed  away,  and  they  wuz 
a-makin'  a  great  wake  for  him. 

They  didn't  stay  long,  for  they  said  that  the 
whiskey  and  drinkin'  and  tobacco-smokin'  in  the 
little  hovel  drove  'em  out. 

But  Martin  observed  complacently  that  he  would 
be  glad  to  say  that  he  had  been  to  a  real  Irish 
Wake. 


KILLARNEY,    DUBLIN,    AND    A    WAKE. 


189 


Al  Faizi  spoke  of  the  old  wimmen  wallers,  and 
said  that  they  had  jest  sech  professional  mourners 
in  Egypt  and  parts  of  Africa,  and  he  wondered 
quite  a  good  deal  how  that  custom  come  way  off 
here  in  this  fur-off  Ireland,  but  he  spozed  that  it 
wuz  in  some  way  brought  here  from  the  East. 


DRINKIN'  AND  TOBACCO-SMOKIN'  IN  THE  LITTLE  HOVEL  DROVE  'EM  OUT. 

Mebby  it  come  down  from  them  old  days  nobody 
knows  anything  about,  of  which  relics  remains  in 
them  old  round  towers,  etc.  So  old  nobody  knows 
who  built  'em,  or  what  for. 

He  wondered  a  good  deal,   but  didn't  take  out 
that    book    of   hisen  with  the  star  and  cross  on't. 


190  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

No,  he  writ  in  another  book  with  a  plain  Russia 
leather  cover  on't. 

My  pardner  restrained  himself  until  the  others 
had  departed  to  their  couches,  but  I  see  that  he 
wuz  fearful  agitated  and  excited. 

And  sez  he,  the  minute  they  went  out— 

"  I  tell  you,  Samantha,  it  wuz  a  excitin'  seen, 
and,"  sez  he,  "  what  a  excitement  it  would  make 
in  jonesville  if  we  should  have  one !"  Sez  he 
dreamily— 

"  Uncle  Nate  Bentley  is  over  ninety ;  there 
might  be  one  arranged  easy." 

Sez  I,  "Josiah  Allen,  don't  you  go  to  lookin' 
forrered  to  any  sech  doin's  !" 

"Why?"  sez  he;  "if  I  should  leave  you,  you 
could  probble  git  the  Widder  Lummis  up  to  Zoar 
and  Drusilla  Bentley  to  wail  for  a  little  or 
nothin'." 

Sez  I,  "Josiah  Allen,  no  widder  or  old  maid  is 
a-goin'  to  wail  over  you  by  my  hirin'  'em  to  ;  if 
they  wail,  it  will  be  at  their  own  expense. 

"  You  will  have  one  true  mourner,  Josiah  Allen, 
whose  grief  will  be  too  deep  and  heartfelt  to  dis 
play  it  before  a  crowd,  with  whiskey  and  tobacco 
as  accessories." 

"Oh  !  I  didn't  expect  you'd  have  any  drinkin'  or 
smokin'.  I  knew  your  principles  too  well.  They 


KILLARNEY,    DUBLIN,   AND   A   WAKE.  19! 

might  smoke  a  little  catnip,  or  sunthin'  of  that  sort, 
or  pass  round  some  lemonade." 

Sez  I,  "  There  will  be  nothin'  of  the  kind  done, 
Josiah  Allen." 

But  he  sprunted  up  and  sez,  "  You  seem  to  be 
settlin'  things  all  your  own  way.  I  should  think 
that  I  ort  to  have  some  say  in  it.  Whose  funeral 
is  it,  I'd  like  to  know,  we're  talkin'  about  ?" 

But  I  sez,  "  I  don't  want  to  hear  another  word 
of  sech  talk,  and  I  won't."  And  I  riz  up  and  sal 
lied  off  to  bed,  and  in  sweet  slumber  that  man  soon 
forgot  all  his  stylish  ambitions. 

Wall,  the  next  day  we  sot  off  to  Dublin,  and 
havin'  arrived  there  with  no  casualities  worth  men- 
tionin',  we  settled  down  in  a  good-sized  tarvern, 
and  after  a  little  rest  we  meandered  around  to  see 
the  sights  of  the  place. 

Martin  said  that  he  wanted  to  visit  the  great 
manafacturys  where  Irish  Poplin  is  made,  as  he  had 
some  friends  who  wuz  interested  in  that  trade,  and 
that  it  would  be  expected  of  him. 

And  I  then  mentioned  to  Josiah,  seein'  that  he 
wuz  right  here  at  the  headquarters,  perhaps  it  would 
be  best  for  me  to  buy  a  gray  poplin  dress.  I  knew 
it  would  last  like  iron. 

But  Josiah  said  with  deep  earnestness,  that  if  I 
only  knew  how  much  better  he  liked  my  old  gray 


IQ2  SAMANTHA    IN   EUROPE. 

parmetty  dress  to  home  I  never  would  speak 
on't.  Sez  he,  "  You  look  perfectly  beautiful  in  it, 
and  there  is  so  many  associations  connected  with  it." 

Sez  I,  "  I  should  think  there  would  be,  seein' 
I've  worn  it  stiddy  for  upwards  of  eighteen  years 
without  alterin'  it." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  it  is  a  perfect  beauty,  and  you 
look  lovely  in  it." 

He  hadn't  been  so  complimentary  to  me  for  up 
wards  of  fourteen  years,  and  I  wuz  touched  by  it, 
and  gin  up  the  thought  of  gittin'  a  new  dress. 

Oh  !  how  many,  many  wimmen  have  done  the 
same  thing  under  the  same  circumstances. 

But  the  numerous  shops  wuz  full  of  the  loveliest 
goods  of  all  kinds,  and  politer  creeters  than  them 
clerks  I  don't  want  to  see. 

St.  Patrick's  Cathedral  wuz  of  course  one  of  the 
first  places  we  visited.  They  say  that  this  wuz 
built,  in  the  first  place,  by  St.  Patrick  himself  about 
fourteen  hundred  years  ago,  but  if  that  wuz  so,  I 
thought  St.  Patrick  would  feel  sorry  for  the  filth 
and  wretchedness  that  surrounded  the  meetin'- 
house  up  to  the  very  door. 

There  wuz  a  magnificent  carved  marble  sar 
cophagus  of  Archbishop  Whateley,  with  his  own 
marble  figger  stretched  out  on  top  of  it. 

And  a  monument  to  that   kinder  queer,   kinder 


KILLARNEY,    DUBLIN,   AND   A   WAKE.  193 

mean,  smart  chap,  Swift,  and  a  tablet  to  poor 
Stella,  who  would  a-done  better  if  she  had  married 
some  other  feller,  mebby  not  so  smart,  but  better 
natered  and  a  better  provider. 

Poor  creeter,  I'm  sorry  for  her  ! 

There  wuz  lots  of  other  interestin'  monuments 
and  memorials,  but  Time  and  Martin  wuz  in  a 
hurry,  so  we  did  not  delay. 

We  visited  Trinity  College,  the  castle,  the  beau 
tiful  part  of  the  city  where  the  rich  folks  lived,  and 
the  Liberties,  where  it  seemed  as  if  all  the  liberty 
the  poor  creeters  had  wuz  the  liberty  to  be  jest  as 
poor  and  degraded  and  nasty  as  they  could  be. 

There  wuz  beautiful  parks,  one  on  'em  over 
eighteen  hundred  acres  in  it,  full  of  beauty,  and  we 
see  lots  of  statutes,  erected  to  the  great  men  who 
had  been  born  in  Dublin — the  Duke  of  Wellington, 
the  great  orator,  Daniel  O'Connell,  etc. 

The  monument  to  Nelson,  the  hero  of  the  Nile, 
is  one  hundred  and  ten  feet  high  before  he  stands 
up  on  it,  and  he  is  1 1  feet  high. 

He  is  in  a  sightly  place. 

If  his  sperit  comes  back  in  some  still  moonlight 
night,  and  looks  over  the  world  with  him,  I  wonder 
if  it  ever  looks  over  the  mistakes  he  made  ?  I  won 
der  if  the  beautiful  Lady  Hamilton  ever  comes 
into  its  thoughts  ? 


194  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

She  hain't  got  any  monument. 

I  wonder  if  he's  sorry  for  it,  that  he  stands  up  so 
high  and  she  so  low  in  the  opinion  of  people — so 
low,  when  once  he  felt  it  his  greatest  glory  and 
happiness  to  kneel  at  her  feet  ? 

But  such  surmises  are  futile,  futiler  than  there's 
any  need  on. 

To  resoom. 

Charles  Lever,  the  novelist,  wuz  born  in  Dublin, 
and  so  wuz  Tom  Moore. 

We  went  to  the  birthplace  of  Moore. 

It  wuz  a  common-lookin'  buildin',  though  it  had 
a  bust  of  the  poet  in  front  up  between  the  winders. 

The  lower  part  of  the  house  wuz  used  as  a 
grocery  store,  and  Josiah  himself  proposed  that  we 
should  buy  here  some  little  souvenir  of  the  poet. 

I  wuz  dumbfoundered.  I  never  knew  him  to 
propose  any  outlay  of  the  kind  before,  and  I  sez 
as  much. 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  I  knew  you  wuz  always  want- 
in'  to  buy  sunthin'  to  remember  sech  romantic 
places  by,  and  I  thought  here  would  be  a  good 
chance." 

I  wuz  so  touched  by  his  thoughtfulness  that  I 
sez — "  Dear  Josiah,  what  had  you  got  it  into  your 
head  to  buy  ?" 

And  he  said  that  he  thought  a  few  crackers  and 


KILLARNEY,    DUBLIN,   AND   A   WAKE.  195 

a  little  cheese  and  a  herrin'  or  two  would  be  as 

4P 

good  as  anything. 

"  Did  you  mean  to  keep  'em,  Josiah  ?"  sez  I,  for 
a  dark  suspicion  swept  over  me. 

And  he  owned  up  that  he  layed  out  to  nibble 
on  'em  a  little  on  the  way  back  to  the  hotel. 

I  see  right  through  it,  and  I  didn't  fall  in  with 
his  overtoor.  Somehow,  herrin's  and  cheese  seemed 
incongrous  with  Lally  Rooks,  and  Peris,  and  Para 
dises,  and  I  told  him  so. 

And  he  sez,  "  Dum  it  all,  they  had  to  eat  in 
Paradise  if  they  kep'  alive,  and,"  sez  he,  "a  Peri, 
if  she  knew  anything,  wouldn't  object  to  a  slice  of 
good  cheese  and  some  soda  crackers." 

So  I  told  him  that  if  he  wanted  sunthin'  to  eat  to 
buy  it  ;  but,  sez  I,  "  never  veneer  a  selfish  thought 
with  the  fine  gold  of  romance  and  tender  memo 
ries." 

And  he  said  that  he  didn't  want  nothin'  to  do 
with  varnish  of  any  kind,  he  wanted  some  cheese 
and  crackers.  So  he  bought  a  few,  I  guess ;  I 
didn't  watch  him. 

I  myself  wuz  quite  took  up  with  lookin'  round 
the  place,  sanctified  by  genius  of  a  certain  kind,  and 
I  murmured  almost  onbeknown  to  myself  the 
words  I  had  hearn  Tirzah  Ann  repeat.  She  always 
loved  Moore  fur  better  than  Thomas  J.  did. 


196  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Though  Thomas  J.  thought  well  enough  on  him,  but 
Tirzah  Ann  used  to  rehearse  and  sing  him  by  the 
hour,  so  in  spite  of  myself  I  had  learnt  lots  of  his 
poetry  by  heart. 

And  as  I  looked  round  the  room  I  found  myself 
entirely  onbeknown  to  myself  a-hummin'  over  the 
"  Last  Rose  of  Summer,"  and  the  "  Meetin'  of  the 
Waters,"  and  the  "  Harp  that  once  through  Tara's 
Halls." 

That  last  one  Tirzah  Ann  ust  to  sing  a  sight, 
and  I  always  liked  to  hear  it,  though  I  never  got  it 
into  my  head  jest  who  Mr.  Tara  wuz,  or  what  line 
of  business  he  wuz  in. 

Wall,  knowin'  that  Tirzah  Ann  would  prize  it  so 
high,  I  bought  some  choclate  drops  of  candy  to  take 
home  to  her. 

They  wuz  as  sweet  as  Moore's  poetry,  and  softer, 
some. 


CHAPTER  XI. 

JOSIAH    AS    A    BANSHEE. 

WALL,  Martin  said  that  he  should  probble  be 
asked  if  he  had  visited  the  Giant's  Causeway,  so  he 
thought  we  had  better  proceed  to  it  to  once.  So 
we  went  directly  from  Dublin  to  Port  Rush.  We 
stayed  there  all  night,  and  the  next  day  we  all  went 
out  on  the  electric  car,  for  Martin  said  that  he 
wanted  Adrian  to  go,  for  in  futer  years  he  would 
probble  be  asked  if  he  had  been  there.  Adrian 
wuz  tired  out  and  didn't  want  to  go — he  wuz  real 
cross  about  it. 

Alice  told  her  Pa  that  Adrian  said  that  he 
wouldn't  look  at  anything  if  he  went,  but  Martin 
said  that  it  would  be  better  for  him  to  go,  even  if 
he  didn't  see  anything,  for  then  he  could  say  that 
he  had  been  there.  So  we  all  sot  off — the  way  we 
went  wuz  a  perfect  sight  and  wonder  in  itself,  for 
what  power  do  you  spoze  it  wuz  that  rolled  the 
wheels  that  took  us  onwards  ? 

It  wuz  all  done  by  a  waterfall  at  Bush  Mills,  a 
few  milds  away.  The  water  that  poured  down 


198  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

from  the  hills  is  harnessed,  as  you  may  say,  and 
made  to  carry  us  along. 

Queer,  hain't  it  ?  And  shows  that  you  never  can 
tell  what  will  happen  to  you  in  the  futer. 

Why,  if  anybody  had  told  them  little  free, 
sparklin'  rivulets  that  leap  along  up  in  the  hills, 
foamin'  and  chatterin'  of  liberty  and  freedom,  and 
sech — if  anybody  had  throwed  it  into  their  bright, 
sparklin'  faces  that  they  wuz  a-goin'  to  be  ketched 
and  tackled  up  with  some  kind  of  riggin'  and  carry 
Josiah  Allen's  Wife  and  her  pardner,  and  the  world 
at  large,  them  rivulets  would  have  resented  it — they 
would  have  laughed  and  gurgled  and  swept  on  in 
different  and  onbelievin'. 

But  so  it  wuz,  they  had  to  come  to  it. 

And  after  they  got  broke  in  they  didn't  seem  to 
mind  it,  for  they  bore  us  on  so  smooth  and  easy 
and  noiseless,  that  it  wuz  a  perfect  treat. 

No  steamin',  no  smokin' — they  learnt  that  up  in 
the  hills.  It  wuz  a  comfort  to  ride  after  'em. 

And  we  had  nothin'  to  hender  us  from  thinkin' 
of  the  Giants  and  talkin'  about  'em. 

Josiah  said  that  he  had  always  approved  of 
giants,  and  that  he  would  love  to  see  one  or  two  of 
'em. 

Adrian  didn't  git  real  reconciled  to  goin'  till 
after  we  got  started,  then  he  got  real  excited,  and 


JOSIAH   AS   A   BANSHEE.  199 

got  the  idee  that  we  wuz  goin'  to  see  Jack  the 
Giant  Killer,  and  asked  me  quite  a  number  of  ques 
tions  about  it. 

Runnin'  sunthin'  like  this — How  big  wuz  the 
Giants,  and  where  did  they  come  from,  and  what 
wuz  their  names,  and  how  long  did  it  take  'em  to 
build  the  Causeway,  and— 

"  What  is  the  Causeway  made  of  ?" 

"  Of  rocks." 

"  What  are  the  rocks  made  of,  and  who  made  the 
rocks,  and  when  were  they  made,  and  how,  and 
what  for  ?" 

Good  land  !  I  wuz  tuckered  out,  and  told  him  I 
guessed  I  would  look  out  of  the  winder  a  spell  and 
take  the  air. 

And  then  he  wanted  to  know  what  air  wuz 
made  of,  and  who  made  it,  and  if  there  wuzn't 
any  air  out  of  the  winder  if  I  could  make  some  air. 

He  didn't  ask  so  many  questions  as  a  general 
thing — he  seemed  to  be  kinder  fractious  that  day. 
Poor  little  creeter,  he  wuz  tired  out,  and  I  knew  it, 
and  I  encouraged  him  to  kinder  lean  up  aginst  me 
and  take  all  the  rest  and  comfort  he  could. 

Alice  wuz  real  happy.  She'd  got  some  letters 
that  mornin',  and  two  big  ones  wuz  in  one  hand- 
writin' — I  knew  it.  She  read  'em  over  two  or  three 
times  in  the  train. 


200  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

Al  Faizi  looked  at  her  as  she  read  'em,  and  his 
face  looked  queer — he  see  the  glow  on  her  face,  and 
I  see  that,  like  the  sun,  that  bright  light  could  cast 
a  shadder.  Sunshine  and  shadder,  how  they  chase 
across  the  landscape  of  life  !  How  clost  they  f oiler 
each  other !  What  strange  picters  they  make ! 
What  thoughts  they  give  ! 

But  to  resoom — we  got  to  the  Causeway  in  pretty 
good  season,  and  we  found  it  wuz  a  sight,  a 
sight. 

It  is  made  of  high  round  columns,  or  pillows,  and 
you  can  walk  on  it  jest  as  you  could  on  the  walk 
Josiah  made  out  to  the  hen-house  out  of  bricks  sot 
long  end  up. 

But  this  Giants'  walk  is  fur,  fur  immenser  than 
Josiah's.  It  is  so  extremely  big  that  they  say  the 
Giants  built  it.  It  runs  out  into  the  sea  in  a  kind 
of  a  curous  shape,  and  is  a  sight  to  behold. 

I  thought  I  wouldn't  go  and  see  the  caves  that 
wuz  nigh  there.  You  had  to  go  to  'em  in  a  boat— 
and  as  I  looked  on  that  boat,  and  considered  the 
size  on't,  and  then  subtracted  the  size  of  it  from  the 
bigness  of  the  Atlantic  Ocean,  I  gin  up  that  I 
wouldn't  tackle  it. 

I  had  done  some  of  my  multiplyin'  and  subtractin' 
out  loud,  onbeknown  to  me,  and  Josiah  hearn  me, 
and  said  he  guessed  he  wouldn't  go.  He  looked 


JOSIAH    AS    A    BANSHEE, 


201 


round  the  Heavens  and  earth  as  if  to  find  a  suitable 

4>» 

excuse,  and  finally  he  sez— 

"  It  seems  so  kinder  muggy  to-day,  I  guess  I 
won't  go,  though  I  should  enjoy  the  trip  immensely 
if  it  wuzn't  for  the  clost  atmosphere." 

Wall,  I  wuz  glad  to  have  him  gin  it  up 
on  any  account. 

Al  Faizi  didn't  seem  to  care  about 
goin',  nor  Alice,  nor  Adrian. 

But  Martin  said  that  he  wouldn't  want 
it  to  be  said  that  he  hadn't  visited  the 
caves. 

So  he  sot  off  with  a  couple  of  boatmen. 

There  wuz  a  dretful  sort  of  a  heavey 
look  to  the  Atlantic,  and  I  wuz  glad  that 
I  didn't  venter,  for  I  felt  truly  that  the 
Giants,  if  they  ever  heard  on't,  would  make 
allowances  for  my  feelin's  in  not  dastin'  to 
venter  out  on  the  Atlantic  in  a  boat. 

As  it  turned  out,  glad  enough  wuz  I 
that  there  didn't  none  of  the  rest  on  us  go, 
for  there  come  up  a  sudden  squall  right 
when  Martin  wuz  in  the  cave,  and  they  had  to  hurry 
out  for  their  lives.  The  rough  waves  wuz  a-washin' 
the  boat  up  aginst  them  hard  pillows  of  stun,  and 
they  wuz  in  sech  danger  of  their  lives  that  the  boat 
men  had  to  jump  out  on  the  rocks  the  best  way 


DRIITIN'WET  WHEN- 
BACK. 


202  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

they  could,  and  haul  Martin,  more  dead  than  alive, 
up  over  the  rocks. 

He  wuz  drippin'  wet  when  he  come  back  to  the 
hotel,  and  I  sez,  "  Martin,  how  sorry  I  am  you  ven- 
tered  out  there  !" 

And  he  sez,  with  his  teeth  a-chatterin'  and  the 
water  a-drippin'  off  of  him,  that  he  wasn't  sorry,  fora 
friend  of  hisen,  a  very  rich  and  very  influential  man. 
had  been  caught  in  jest  the  same  way. 

And  he  gin  me  to  understand  that  he  anticipated 
a  great  treat  in  talkin'  over  the  experience  with 
him. 

Wall,  there  is  sunthin'  in  that — there  is  com 
fort  in  talkin'  over  past  troubles  and  dangers,  and  I 
couldn't  dispute  it. 

But  I  sez  :  "  For  mercy  sakes  !  do  change  your 
clothes  and  git  dried  off." 

But  he  hadn't  any  other  clothes  with  him,  and 
the  upshot  of  it  wuz,  he  had  to  go  to  bed  while  his 
clothes  wuz  dryin'. 

But  Josiah  wuz  sorry  for  him,  and  blamed  him 
self  for  not  thinkin'  to  bring  along  his  dressin'-gown. 
Sez  he,  "  I  wouldn't  think  of  lendin'  it  on  a  com 
mon  occasion,  but,"  sez  he,  lookin'  round  on  sech 
big  work  as  the  Giants  had  done  there,  sez  he,  "  I 
wouldn't  want  to  act  small,  and  refuse  to  let  Martin 
put  it  on  for  an  hour  or  two." 


JOSIAH   AS   A   BANSHEE.  203 

Wall,  as  soon  as  Martin  wuz  dried  off,  we  sot  sail 
back  to  Port  Rush,  and  it  wuz  there  that  night  that 
I  had  a  severe  trial  and  fright. 

We  had  had  a  good  supper,  and  Josiah  had  eat 
more  than  wuz  good  for  him,  I  believe,  and  drinked 
too  much  coffee. 

He  is  used  to  tea  at  night,  but  bein'  so  wore  out 
and  kinder  chilly,  Martin  ordered  strong  coffee. 

And  I  believe  that  coffee  wuz  to  the  bottom  of 
our  trials  that  night. 

Bein'  kinder  fagged  out,  Martin  had  gone  to  his 
room  early,  and  the  rest  had  follered  his  example, 
and  my  pardner  and  I  had  also  sought  the  seclusion 
of  our  quiet  bedroom. 

And  I  immegiately  and  to  once  begun  my  preper- 
ations  for  slumber. 

I  onfolded  my  nightgown  and  laid  it  over  a  chair 
and  ondone  my  sheepshead  night-cap,  and  mekan- 
ically  went  to  sort  of  flutin'  the  border  between  my 
fingers,  as  I  sot  there,  and  I  begun  to  feel  real 
drowsy. 

But  Josiah  didn't  seem  to  be  sleepy  a  mite.  He 
had  donned  that  dressin'-gown  of  hisen  and  tied  the 
strings  in  a  large  bow-knot,  that  showed  off  the  red 
tossels  to  the  best  advantage,  and  walked  2  and  fro 
several  times,  and  seemed  to  look  and  act  real  senti 
mental.  He  has  sech  spells — I  guess  all  men  do  at 


204  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

times.  And  finally  he  leaned  back  in  a  big  arm 
chair  and  kinder  hummed  over  some  tunes — not 
sech  tunes  as  I  would  approve  of  his  singin',  but 
some  songs — such  as  "  Ben  Bolt,"  and  "  Lorena,"  and 
"  She's  all  my  Fancy  painted  Her." 

And  finally  he  broke  out  quite  loud  a-singin'- 

"'  I'll  chase  the  antelope  over  the  plains, 
The  tiger's  cub  I'll  '- 

"What  is  it,  Samantha,  that  he  said  he'd  do  to 
the  tiger's  cub — *  with  a  chain  '  ?" 

Sez  I,  "  Choke  it,  mebby — I  presoom  he'd  be 
skairt  enough  to  want  to." 

"  No ;  it  wuz  sunthin'  like  harnessin',  Samantha. 
Do  you  know  what  it  is  ?  It  comes  right  in  the 
turn  of  the  tune,  and  it  hampers  me  to  forgit  it." 

And  then  he  begun  agin— 

"  'The  tiger's  cub  I'll  tie  with  a  chain— 
I'll  tackle  with  a  chain  ' — 

"  No,  that  hain't  it — '  tie  '  hain't  the  word — 
"  '  The  tiger's  cub  I'll,  folderol,  with  a  chain.' ' 

He  made  the    turn   and  went  on    to    the    next 

line— 

"  '  And  the  wild  gazelle,  with  its  silvery  feet, 

I'll  get  thee  for  a  playmate,  sweet.' " 

Sez  he,  "  I've  got  it  all  but  that  one  word,  and 
that — that  will  come  to  me,"  sez  he. 


JOSIAH   AS   A   BANSHEE. 

Sez  he,  "  I  feel  like  singin'  to-night,  Samantha." 

"  Sing!"  sez  I  in  icy  axents ;  "  I'd  call  it  singin',  if 
I  wuz  you." 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  "if  I  dast  to  let  my  voice  out, 
you'd  hear  singin',  but  it  would  wake  'em  all  up. 
My  voice  is  powerful,  and  I  feel  in  full  voice  to 
night." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  I'm  glad  that  sunthin'  holds  you 
back. 

"And,"  sez  I,  "  I  am  beat  out  and  I  am  goin'  to 
bed." 

And  so  I  got  ready  and  went  to  bed. 

The  rest  wuz  all  asleep,  so  I  spozed. 

Wall,  I  fell  asleep  most  the  first  thing,  and  I 
d'no  how  long  I'd  slept,  when  I  hearn  a  knock- 
in'  at  my  door,  and  I  got  up,  and  Alice  stood  there, 
white  and  tremblin'. 

"  The  Banshee  !"  sez  she  in  tremblin'  tones  ;  "  I 
saw  it  myself,  and  heard  it." 

Sez  she,  "  You  know  this  is  the  very  part  of  Ire 
land  where  they  have  them." 

Sez  I,  "  You'd  been  a-thinkin'  of  'em  and  im 
agined  it." 

"No,  indeed  !"  sez  she  ;  "  I  was  just  falling  asleep 
when  I  heard  those  awful  wails  of  distress,  and  I 
got  up  and  went  to  father's  room,  which  is  next  to 
mine,  and  he  got  up  and  looked  out  of  the  window, 


206 


SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 


and  -he  saw  it  and  heard  it  too."  Sez  she,  "  You 
know  the  Banshee  always  appears  before  some 
dreadful  trouble  comes  to  a  family,  and  it  seems  as 
if  it  is  meant  for  us,  for  it  is  only  a  little  ways  off." 
Sez  she,  "  You  and  Uncle  Josiah  get  up  and  come 
into  my  room,  and  you  can  see  it  for  yourselves." 

At  them  words  there 
seemed  to  come  to  me  a 
realizin'  sense  of  my  sur- 
roundin's ;  bein'  jest  waked 
up  with  news  of  a  ghost, 
I'd  overlooked  the  fact  of 
my  companion's  absence. 
But  I  sez,  "  I  will  come, 
Alice.  Your  Uncle  Josiah 
has  probble  heard  it,  and 
gone  out  to  investigate." 

So  I  throwed  on  my 
flannel  wrapper  and  slip 
ped  on  my  shoes  and  put 
my  breakfast  shawl  round 

me  and  went  into  Alice's  room.  There  we  found 
Martin  wrapped  in  his  Pegama,  or  whatever  they 
call  it. 

Alice's  winder  commanded  a   better  view    than 
hisen,  and  he  stood  motionless  by  the  winder. 

Al  Faizi  and  Adrian  wuz  in  the  other  side  of  the 


ALICE  STOOD  THERE,  WHITE  AND  TREMBLIN' 


JOSIAH   AS   A   BANSHEE.  2O7 

house,  and  so  wuz  the  rest  of  the  folks.  These  two 
rooms  wuz  Idnder  built  out  on  the  side  by  them 
selves. 

Sez  I,  "  Martin,  you  don't  believe  anythin'  of 
this  kind,  do  you  ?" 

But  Alice  spoke  up  before  he  could  answer, 
"  Why,  at  Dunluce  Castle  that  we  saw  to-day  there 
is  a  Banshee  that  always  foretells  death  to  the  fam 
ily,  and  they  have  them  all  over  Ireland." 

Sez  I,  advancin'  towards  the  winder,  "  You  don't 
believe  anythin'  of  this  kind,  do  you,  Martin  ?" 

He  answered  evasively /'There  is  something  dread 
ful  queer-looking  down  there  across  the  road — it  is 
standing  still  now,  but  it  has  been  giving  the  most 
blood-curdling  sounds  and  wails  that  I  ever  heard." 

"Yes,"  sez  Alice,  "the  Banshee  always  gives 
those  same  terrific  screeches  and  harrowing  yells.  I 
know  it  is  a  Banshee,  and  it  is  for  us,  father,  for 
it  appeared  to  us." 

And  she  commenced  to  cry.  I  guess  her  first 
thought  was  of  somebody  that  wuz  in  her  mind  the 
hull  of  the  time. 

Sez  I,  "  Hush  up,  Alice — I  don't  believe  anything 
of  the  kind." 

But  as  I  looked  out,  follerin'  Martin's  solemn  and 
silent  pint,  I  did  see  a  sight  that  made  the  cold 
chills  run  down  my  back  in  spite  of  myself,  and 


208  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

goose  pimples  gathered  freely  down  my  shoulder 
blades. 

I  see  a  dark  figger  a-standin'  up  on  a  little  rock 
that  riz  up  there  above  the  rest  of  the  ground  ;  it 
stood  motionless,  and,  indeed,  it  looked  skairful. 
And  onbeknown  to  myself  I  sez — "  For  the  land's 
sake  !  what  is  it  ?" 

My  own  voice  wuz  tremolous  with  fear,  and 
Alice  see  it,  and  cried  harder  than  ever.  And  Mar 
tin  sez— 

"  You  ought  to  have  heard  the  terrific  screams 
the  thing  gave  if  you  want  to  be  scared — seeing  it 
isn't  nothing  at  all  to  hearing  it. 

"  And,"  sez  he,  "  I'll  go  and  call  up  the  hotel- 
keeper  and  find  out  what  it  is.  Maybe  it  is  a 
lunatic  broken  out  of  some  asylum.  I  am  going 
to  know  something  about  who  and  what  it 
is." 

But  jest  at  this  minute  the  creeter  broke  out  in 
one  of  its  wild  cries,  and  Martin  and  Alice  shud 
dered,  and  sez  he,  "  Did  you  ever  in  your  life  hear 
anything  so  awful  ?" 

And  Alice  sez,  'l  I  cannot  bear  it,  Aunt  Saman- 
tha.  It  is  too  terrible." 

But  there  wuz  to  me  sunthin'  familiar  in  the 
sound,  and  I  lifted  the  sash,  and  the  words  come  in 
plain— 


A   DARK    FIGGER  A-STANDIN*    UP   ON   A   LITTLE   ROCK. 


210  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

"  Bind  with  a  chain  ! 
The  tiger's  cub  I'll  bind  with  a  chain 
And  the  wild  gazelle" — etc.,  etc. 

Sez  I,  "  It  is  my  own  pardner  with  his  dressin'- 
gown  on,  and  a-singin'." 

The  words  Martin  said  then  I  won't  never  tell— 
no,  indeed  !  besides  the  wickedness  on  'em,  it  wuz 
too  humiliatin'  to  hear  'em  applied  to  my  own  pard 
ner.  "  Fool  "  wuz  the  last  one  of  the  three,  and 
"  The"  wuz  the  first  one,  but  I  will  not  tell  the 
middle  word — you  can't  make  me. 

Alice  went  to  laughin'  (partly  hysterics)  ;  she  felt 
dretful  relieved,  and  as  the  figger  seemed  now  to  be 
aproachin'  the  house,  I  went  back  into  my  room, 
into  which  it  soon  entered  in  a  gay  and  jaunty 
manner. 

He  had  been  enjoyin'  himself  first-rate,  and 
sez  he— 

"Wall,  Samantha,  I've  found  the  word,  and  I've 
been  a-singin';"  sez  he,  "  I  sung  the  verse  all  over, 
and  it  sounded  beautiful,  and  then  I  stood  still  a 
spell,  and  all  of  a  sudden  the  right  word  come  to  me. 
It  wuz  *  bind,'  "  sez  he. 

Sez  I  coldly,  "  You've  skairt  a  woman  almost 
into  fits  and  made  a  church-member  and  a  relation 
swear  like  a  pirate."  Sez  I,  "I've  seen  you  took 
for  lots  of  things,  Josiah  Allen,  from  first  to  last, 


JOSIAH   AS  A  BANSHEE.  211 

but  I  never  thought  I  should  ever  live  to  see  the 
day  to  see  you  took  for  a  ghost — a  Banshee.  A 
common  ghost  would  sound  as  good  agin  as  that." 
And  I  went  on  and  related  the  facts.  He  acted 
mad  and  puggilistic  like,  and  sez  he — "  I  can't  help 
folks  from  makin'  dum  fools  of  themselves." 

Sez  I,  "  I  wish  you'd  kep'  yourself  from  it." 

Sez  he,  "  It  is  a  pity  if  a  man  can't  sing  a  little 
durin'  the  evenin'  without  his  folks  actin'  like  per 
fect  fools  !" 

"  Sing !"  sez  I  ;  "  I  wonder  how  many  more 
episodes  you'll  have  to  go  through  without  your 
learnin'  the  truth  about  what  you  call  your  singin'." 
Sez  I,  "  You  can't  sing,  Josiah  Allen,  any  more  than  a 
cow  can  play  on  the  melodian,  and  I've  told  you  so 
often  enough  for  you  to  believe  it." 

"  Wall,  wall,"  sez  he,  "  it's  time  to  go  to  bed. 
When  a  man  is  a-travellin'  with  a  hull  crew  of  loon- 
aticks  and  fools,  it  stands  him  in  hand  to  git  what 
little  rest  he  can,  nights." 

That  man  wuz  ashamed  of  his  conduct,  and  I 
knew  it. 

Mortification  works  out  sometimes  in  jest  that 
way.  It  gaulded  him  to  be  took  for  a  Banshee,  for 
I  hearn  him  mutter  the  word  two  or  three  times 
scornfully,  as  he  wuz  a-ondressin'. 

Sez  he,  "  A  Banshee  !  !  !    Dum  fools  !  !  !    I'd  love 


212  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

to  be  one  a  spell — I'd  show  'em  some  screech- 
in'  !" 

He  didn't  mean  me  to  overhear  him,  but  I  did, 
and  I  sez  calmly  from  my  piller— 

"  You  needn't  blame  yourself,  Josiah  Allen  ;  there 
hain't  a  Banshee  in  Ireland  but  what  would  be  proud 
to  mate  with  you  after  hearin'  you  to-night — there 
hain't  one  on  'em  that  could  outdo  you." 

"  Keep  on  your  aggravating"  sez  he,  and  he  didn't 
say  another  word  for  as  much  as  three  minutes,  when 
he  begun  to  complain  of  bein'  chilly. 

And  I  took  alarm  to  once,  and  made  him  some 
hot  lemonade — I  had  the  ingregiences,  and  a  alcohol 
lamp  with  me. 

And  I  folded  up  my  woollen  shawl,  and  tucked 
him  all  up  in  it,  and  spoke  real  soothin'  to  him,  and 
affectionate.  For  sech  is  the  mystery  of  human 
love,  though  pardners  may  mortify  you,  or  anger 
you,  yet  their  sufferin'  or  danger  shows  how  strong 
are  the  ties  that  bind  two  lovin'  hearts — nothin' 
can  break  it.  He  answered  me  back  in  the  same 
affectionate  way,  though  terse,  but  showin'  the  ten 
der  regard  he  had  for  my  welfare.  Sez  he— 

"  For  mercy  sake,  do  come  to  bed  !  your  feet  will 
be  as  cold  as  ice  suckles." 

And  so  sweet  peace  havin'  descended  down  onto 
us,  we  wuz  both  soon  wropped  in  slumber. 


JOSIAH    AS    A    BANSHEE.  213 

Wall,  Martin  concluded  that  we  would  go  as  soon 

4*» 

as  we  could  to  Glasgow,  "  For,"  sez  he,  "  I  feel 
that  we  have  seen  everything  that  there  is  to  see 
in  Ireland,  and  gone  to  the  bottom,  as  you  may 
say,  of  the  '  Irish  Question.'  So  we  might  just  as 
well  go  to  Scotland  as  soon  as  might  be." 

So  we  proceeded  to  Glasgow,  partly  by  train  and 
partly  by  steamboat. 

Martin  talked  comfortably  agin,  on  the  train,  of 
havin'  seen  everything  in  Ireland,  and  of  havin'  gone 
to  the  bottom  of  the  "  Irish  Question."  "  For," 
sez  he,  "  the  land  is  governed  admirably — splendid 
standing  army,  admirable  police  force,  and  as  for 
the  people,"  sez  he,  "in  good  seasons,  statistics 
show  that  there  is  half  a  ton  of  potatoes  to  each 
person.  More  than  I  consume,"  sez  he  compla 
cently,  leanin'  back  with  his  fingers  in  his  vest 
pockets. 

Sez  I,  "  Mebby  you'd  consume  more  potatoes  if 
you  didn't  consume  nothin'  else."  Sez  I,  "  You 
take  out  your  fowls,  and  fish,  and  beef,  and  lamb, 
and  puddin's,  and  pastry,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  and  eat 
nothin'  but  clear  potatoes,  and  how  many  do  you 
spoze  you'd  consume,  and  how  much  comfort  do 
you  spoze  you'd  take  consumin'  'em  ?" 

He  looked  lofty,  and  sez  he  :  <l  That  isn't  a 
parallel  case." 


214  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

"  And,"  sez  I,  "  when  the  potato  crop  failed, 
what  then  ?" 

Agin  he  sez,  "  That  isn't  a  parallel  case." 

Sez  I,  "Paralell  to  what?" 

And  he  said,  "  Don't  you  want  the  window  shut 
awhile  ?  Let  me  put  your  shawl  round  you  ;  it  is 
a  little  chilly." 

And  then  he  went  on  talkin'  to  Alice  as  fast  as  he 
could  about  the  scenery,  and  I  wuz  too  well 
bread  to  say  anything  more. 

But  I  see  that  Al  Faizi  had  took  out  his  little 
book  with  the  jewelled  cross  on  it,  and  he  wuz 
writin'  in  it. 

And  from  the  way  the  light  from  above  fell  on  it 
as  he  held  it,  the  rays  streamed  out  from  the  jewelled 
cross  some  like  the  flashin'  rays  from  a  sword. 

He  had  spoke  to  me  before  about  the  wretched 
ness  and  beggary  of  the  people,  and  expressed  won 
der  that  one  or  two  men  should  own  hundreds  of 
thousands  of  acres  and  keep  it  for  idle  pleasure 
grounds,  while  all  round  were  men  who  couldn't,  no 
matter  how  sober  and  industrious  they  might  be, 
buy  enough  land  to  build  a  shed  on. 

He  had  looked  dreamy  and  strange  while  he 
talked  it  over,  but,  as  his  usual  way  wuz,  he  didn't 
blame  nothin'  nor  nobody — that  wuz  the  difference 
between  me  and  him. 


JOSIAH   AS   A   BANSHEE.  215 

He  would  seem  to  ask  about  and  find  out  about 
things,  and  then  jest  write  'em  down  in  that  book 
of  hisen.  His  face  a-lookin'  calm  a  most  all  the 
time,  but  dretful  earnest  and  deep  and  sorrowful,  a 
good  part  of  the  time.  His  writin'  wuzn't  nothin' 
hard,  I  don't  believe,  but  comparin'  the  doin's  here 
with  the  things  in  his  own  land,  I  spoze. 

I  had  noticed  that  he  had  wrote  down  quite  a 
good  deal  after  he  had  hearn  this  conversation  on 
Home  Rule,  and  how  for  hundreds  of  years  a  brave 
people  had  tried  to  git  the  rule  of  their  own  land. 
Not  always  makin'  wise  efforts,  I  spoze,  but  brave 
ones  every  time,  and  how  the  grand  old  man  in 
England  had  stood  up  for  'em  aginst  his  own  folks. 

I  see  Al  Faizi  had  writ  down  quite  a  considerable, 
a-praisin'  Gladstone,  for  all  I  know.  He  never  told 
what  he  writ  down  or  drawed  our  attention  to  it,  no 
more  than  the  sun  duz  as  it  photographs  the  pictures 
of  the  bendin'  trees  and  the  flowers  on  the  earth 
beneath.  Jest  duz  it,  and  that's  all. 

The  sun  and  Al  Faizi  did.  That's  where  I  dif 
fered  some — I  talked  more.  Wimmen  do  have  to 
talk  once  in  a  while — they're  made  so,  I  guess,  onbe- 
known  to  'em.  And  I  said  quite  a  good  deal 
aloud  and  found  considerable  fault,  though  I  meant 
not  to  be  too  hard  on  either  side. 

There's  always  two  sides  to  every  story.      Ireland 


2l6  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

hain't  always  right,  I  don't  spoze,  no  more'n 
England.  When  two  men  git  to  fightin'  back  and 
forth,  there  must  be  some  fault  on  both  sides  before 
they  git  through,  anyway,  sech  as  swearin',  kickin', 
etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

I  hain't  got  nothin'  agin  Queen  Victoria,  and  she 
knovvs  I  hain't.  The  Widder  Albert  is  a  good  woman 
and  a  good  calculator,  and  has  brung  up  her  children 
well,  and  has  laid  up  for  'em. 

And  if  ever  any  woman  wuz  a  mourner  for  a 
pardner,  she's  been  and  is  now. 

But  I  can't  think  she  duz  jest  right  in  this  case, 
not  to  let  the  Irish  people  rule  their  own  country. 
It  stands  to  reason  that  Josiah  and  I  wouldn't  want 
Deacon  Gowdy  to  rule  our  house  and  farm,  though 
he's  a  real  likely  man  and  a  brother  in  the  same 
meetin'  house,  and  a  good  calculator. 

But  even  if  we  didn't  do  quite  so  well,  we  would 
ruther  tend  to  our  own  house  and  affairs — everybody 
would.  And  I  laid  out  to  talk  to  Victoria  on  the 
subject  the  first  time  I  had  a  real  set-down  visit 
with  her. 

And  then  if  Deacon  Gowdy  took  all  the  money 
he  could  rake  and  scrape  out  of  us,  and  spent  it  all 
on  his  own  place,  that  would  mad  us,  too. 

And  like  as  not  if  he  kep'  Josiah  and  me  down  so 
poor  that  we  wuz  most  starved,  and  he  should  try 


JOSIAH   AS   A   BANSHEE. 


to  turn  us  out  of  our  own  house,  and  use  that  dear 
place,  sacred  to  us,  and  the  door-yard  and  orchard, 
for  a  home  for  his  dogs  and  fightin'  roosters  and 
sech,  why,  I  d'no  if  Josiah  see  me  barefooted 
and  hungry,  a-beggin'  Deacon  Gowdy  not  to  turn 
me  out  of  the  house  I  wuz  born  in,  and  on.  an 
empty  stumick,  too,  I 
d'no  but  he'd  knock 
him  down  and  jump  on 
him. 

And  that  would  make 
trouble — Miss  Gowdy 
wouldn't  like  that,  but 
if  she  should  come  to 
me  with  it,  I  should  say 
to  her,  "Let  him  tend 
to  his  own  business, 
then,  and  let  us  alone." 

And  if  she  should  up 
hold  him  and  say  we  hadn't  no  jedgment,  and  wuz 
shiftless,  and  we  couldn't  take  care  of  our  land,  and 
they  had  to  do  it  because  we  wuz  too  indolent,  and 
slack,  and  sech — I'd  tell  her  agin  that  it  wuz  none 
of  her  business.  Sez  I,  "  If  we  run  through  with 
our  own  property  we  can  go  to  our  own  poor-house, 
can't  we  ? 

"  But,"  I'd  say,  "  you  needn't  worry  ;  what  encour- 


I   LAID   OUT   TO    TALK   TO    VICTORIA   ON   THE   SUBJECT. 


218  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

agement  do  we  have  to  work  and  git  things  ahead 
when  we  know  you'd  take  all  the  profits  of  our 
labor  ?  You  go  off  and  tend  to  your  own  business, 
and  we'll  work  hard  enough,  and  lay  up." 

And  then,  after  freein'  my  mind  to  her,  if  old 
Gowdy  wuz  too  bad  off,  I  dare  presoom  to  say  I 
should  offer  him  some  worm-wood  to  make  a  poul 
tice  of  to  show  him  that  I  didn't  have  no  malice 
towards  him,  only  jest  wantin'  to  have  my  rights 
and  be  let  alone.  But  to  resoom. 

We  arrove  in  Glasgow  with  no  fatal  results 
a-flowin'  from  our  voyage,  and  we  put  up  at  a  good 
sizable  tarvern,  where  we  had  plenty  of  things  for 
our  comfort  and  luxury. 

Amongst  the  things  of  luxury,  I  counted  the 
water  that  I  drinked  from  day  to  day,  for  I 
found  that  it  wuz  water  brung  from  Loch  Ka 
trine. 

And  when  you  remember  Ellen's  Isle,  as  described 
by  Sir  Walter  Scott,  is  right  there  in  Loch  Katrine 
—you  may  perhaps  imagine  the  height  and  depth 
of  my  emotions. 

Why,  the  very  water  I  sipped,  and  wet  my  front 
hair  with  mornings  before  my  lookin'-glass,  may 
have  gurgled  and  murmured  round  the  very  isle 
where  Ellen  Douglas  dwelt  in  her  father's  hidden 
lodge,  covered  with  ivy  and  Idien  vines. 


SAMANTHA  AND  ELLEN  DOUGLAS. 


220  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

"  The  rocky  isle  with  copsewood  bound, 
Where  weeping  birch  and  willow  round 
With  their  long  fibres  swept  the  ground." 

Where  she  dwelt  and  roamed,  dreaming  of  Malcolm 
Graeme,  and  where  she  met  the  King  of  Scotland, 
onbeknown  to  her. 

Poor  feller,  .poor  young  king !  he  thought  more 
of  Ellen  than  wuz  good  for  him,  but  he  acted  like 
a  perfect  gentleman  through  it  all,  and  that  is  better 
than  bein'  a  king. 

Or  ruther  it  ts  bein'  a  king. 

He  forgive  her  Pa,  who  had  been  rambellous, 
and  with  that  gold  chain  of  hisen,  that  he  might 
have  hung  him  with,  he  bound  the  girl  he  loved  to 
anothet  man  forever.  Good,  generous  creeter ! 

But  we  are  wanderin'  too  fur  back  into  the  realm 
of  poesy,  accompanied  by  noble  Warriors  and  Ladys 
of  the  Lake,  and  to  come  out  into  the  hard-beat 
track  of  reality  agin,  and  to  resoom. 

Martin  sot  a  great  deal  of  store  on  visitin'  the 
great  public  buildin's  and  the  Cathedral,  which  is 
nine  hundred  years  old,  and  the  University,  big 
enough  for  over  a  thousand  scholars — I  guess  a 
thousand  and  a  half. 

But  I  myself  took  more  interest  in  visitin'  the 
Necropolous,  as  they  call  their  buryin'  ground,  and 
seein'  the  monument  riz  up  to  John  Knox.  It  tow- 


JOSIAH   AS   A   BANSHEE.  221 

ers  up  towards  the  sky  dretful  high  ;  but  not  so  high 
as  John's  principles  loomed  up — not  nigh. 

And  I  wuz  dretful  interested  while  in  the  city  in 
lookin'  at  the  statutes  of  Sir  Walter  Scott,  and 
James  Watts,  and  David  Livingstone,  and  Robert 
Burns. 

And  seein'  the  place  where  Sir  John  Moore  wuz 
born. 

It  wuzn't  any  better  place  than  Elder  Minkley  wuz 
born  in,  to  Jonesville,  or  Deacon  Blodgett  upinZoar. 

And  as  I  looked  onto  the  onpretentious  walls  I 
methought  how  it  wuzn't  likely  at  all  when  he  wuz 
a  baby,  his  Pa  a-puttin'  up  pills  and  powders  at  the 
time,  his  Ma  a-holdin'  his  little  helpless,  dimpled 
form  to  her  bosom,  that  he  would  grow  up  to  be 
sech  a  hero  and  die  fur  from  her,  over  in  Spain,  and 
"  be  buried  darkly  at  dead  of  night." 

And  be  left  there  cold  and  still,  fur  from  kindred 
and  loved  ones — "Alone  in  his  glory." 

Wall,  here  in  this  city  I  had  a  great  and  welcome 
surprise — Martin  made  me  a  present  of  a  Paisley 
shawl ;  they  wuz  manafectered  in  a  place  nigh  here, 
and  Martin  got  me  and  Alice  one. 

Men  don't  realize  sech  things,  but  I  knew,  and 
Alice  knew,  that  she  wouldn't  be  old  enough  to 
wear  hern  for  twenty  years  yet.  But  then,  as  I  told 
her,  she  would  grow  up  to  it  in  time. 


222  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

But  she  kinder  laid  out,  as  I  could  see,  on  cover- 
in'  a  lounge  with  it  in  her  boodore,  which  means 
her  private  settin'-room. 

I  seldom  use  foreign  languages,  but  when  I  do,  I 
don't  think  it  is  any  more  'n  right  to  translate  it 
for  the  benefit  of  'em  who  hain't  had  my  advan 
tages.  What  would  Philury,  or  she  that  wuz  Sub 
mit  Tewksbury,  know  about  a  boodore  f  They'd 
probble  think  it  wuz  jewelry  or  some  kind  of  agin'. 


CHAPTER  XII. 

ROBERT    BURNS    AND    HIGHLAND    MARY. 

WALL,  from  here  we  took  some  excursions  to 
places  of  interest  in  the  vicinity.  One  of  heart-thrill- 
in'  interest  wuz  to  Ayr,  and  lasted  two  days,  for 
Martin  said  he  wanted  to  see  every  spot  connected 
in  any  way  with  Robert  Burns.  He  said  he  didn't 
care  about  readin'  his  historys  and  sermons,  but  it 
seemed  to  be  the  stylish  and  proper  thing  to  do,  so 
he  wouldn't  fail  of  doin'  it  for  anything.  So  we 
sot  off  one  mornin'  with  great  anticipations,  and 
each  on  us  a  satchel,  for  the  forty  milds  trip. 

Josiah  wuz  riz  up  in  his  mind  about  Sir  William 
Wallace — more  so  than  he  wuz  with  Burns. 

For  the  "  Scottish  Chiefs  "  had  been  read  by  him 
with  avidity  in  his  boyhood,  and  permeated  his 
fancy,  and  he  still  thought  it  wuz  the  most  thrillin' 
book  that  wuz  ever  wrote,  exceptin'  "  Alonzo  and 
Melissa."  "  That,"  he  said,  "never  will  be  equalled 
for  heart-breakin'  interest." 

So  as  we  journeyed  along  he  talked  a  sight  about 
Wallace  and  that  claymore  of  hisen.  "Why,"sez 
he,  "it  must  have  weighed  4  hundred  or  5  hundred 


224  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

pounds.  What  a  man  he  wuz  to  wield  it  as  he  did 
and  cut  down  his  enemies  with  it  ! 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "it  would  take  two  common 
men  to  lift  it,  they  say,  and  what  a  sight  it  must 
have  been  to  see  him  swingin'  that  round  his  head 
and  mowin'  down  his  enemies  jest  as  Ury  would 
mow  down  oats  !" 

Sez  I,  "  Josiah,  I  hope  you  are  too  good  to  enjoy 
sech  a  blood-curdlin'  sight,  if  it  ever  took  place,  but 
you  must  be  careful  about  believin'  everything  you 
hear  about  Wallace.  I  suppose  that,  like  King  Ar 
thur,  an  old  I  Iliad  that  Thomas  J.  ust  to  read 
about  so  much,  lots  of  things  has  been  told  about 
him  that  never  took  place." 

"  Take  care,  Samantha  ;  I  can  stand  a  good  deal 
from  a  pardner,  but  when  you  go  to  doubtin'  William 
Wallace,  then  is  the  time  for  a  man  to  take  a  stand. 

"  Why,  you'll  be  a-doubtin'  'Thaddeus  of  Warsaw' 
next.  I  wuz  brung  up  on  them  books,"  sez  he, 
"  and  on  them  books  I  take  my  stand.  If  I'd  hefted 
that  claymore  myself,  I  couldn't  believe  in  it  any 
more  'n  I  do." 

Sez  I,  a-tryin'  to  bring  him  back  into  the  plains  of 
megumness  and  reason— 

"  You  know  history  sez  that  Wallace  wuz  a  sheep- 
stealer,  in  the  first  place.  Don't  pin  your  faith  onto 
him  too  much,  Josiah  Allen." 


ROBERT   BURNS   AND    HIGHLAND    MARY.  225 

"  A  sheeg-stealer  !" 

Wall,  I  will  pin  up  a  heavy  shawl  between  Jo 
siah  Allen  and  the  public  for  the  next  few  minutes. 
I  guess  I'll  hang  up  my  Paisley  shawl,  that's  pretty 
thick,  and  I  too  will  withdraw  myself  behind  it. 

Suffice  it  to  say  when  we  emerged  from  behind 
it,  I  wuz  a-sayin'- 

"Wall,  wall,  I  spoze  like  as  not  he  did  own  a 
claymore,  Josiah  Allen,  and  I  dare  say  it  wuz  a 
pretty  hefty  one."  And  then  I  turned  the  subject 
off  onto  Robert  Burns,  and  bagpipes,  and  sech. 

Truly  there  is  a  time  for  pardners  to  stand  their 
ground,  and  a  time  for  'em  to  gin  in.  When  they 
see  blood-vessels  are  on  the  pint  of  bustin'  and  pard 
ners  are  chokin'  with  rage — gin  in  to  'em  if  you  can, 
and  keep  your  principles. 

I  allers  foller  this  receipt,  and  it  has  bore  me  on 
triumphant. 

Truly  great  is  the  mystery  of  pardners. 

Wall,  Josiah  got  real  sentimental  a-talkin'  about 
Wallace's  first  wife,  Marion,  and  his  second  wife, 
Helen  Mar.  "  You  know,"  sez  Josiah,  "  Helen  said 
in  them  last  hours — '  My  life  must  expire  with  his.'  " 

And  I  sez,  "  Wall,  it  did  at  jest  about  the  same  time 
— she  died  of  a  broken  heart,"  sez  I,  bein'  willin'  to 
talk  kind  o'  sentimental  with  him,  and  soothe  him 
down. 


226  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

"Yes,"  sez  Josiah,  "and  don't  you  remember 
what  Bothwell  said  '  as  he  raised  her  clay-cold  face 
from  Wallace's  coffin'- 

"  *  They  loved  in  their  lives,  and  in  their  deaths 
they  shall  not  be  divided  '  ?" 

Josiah  was  dretful  sentimental  at  them  remines- 
cences,  but  he  gradually  chirked  up  agin,  and  by  the 
time  we  come  in  sight  of  that  tower  of  William 
Wallace's,  in  Ayr,  more'n  a  hundred  feet  high,  Jo- 
siah's  sperits  riz  up  almost  as  high  as  that  tower. 

Ayr  is  the  seen  of  some  of  the  most  thrillin' 
events  of  Wallace's  life.  Here  he  would  sally  out 
aginst  his  enemies — here  he  wuz  took  by  'em  and 
imprisoned.  Here  Robert  Bruce  and  his  troops 
made  it  their  headquarters  for  a  spell,  and  so  did 
Cromwell  and  his  army. 

It  is  a  dretful  interestin'  spot  on  lots  of  accounts, 
but  on  none  of  'em  so  much  as  bein'  the  birthplace 
of  Robert  Burns. 

The  humble  cottage  where  the  immortal  flower 
of  Genius  sprung  up  like  a  tall  white  lily  out  of  the 
dust  of  the  wayside— 

This  cottage  is  on  the  banks  of  Bonny  Boon- 
There  Simmer  first  unfaulds  her  robes, 

And  there  she  langest  tarries, 
And  there  he  took  his  last  farewell 
Of  his  sweet  Highland  Mary. 


ROBERT   BURNS  AND    HIGHLAND    MARY.  227 

The  immortal  tenderness  and   sweetness   of  that 

4*» 

love  meetin'  and  partin'  has  made  the  waters  of 
Bonny  Doon  ripple  along  full  of  the  melodies  of 
the  past. 

In  Nater  there  is  a  universal  tendency  to  retain 
the  good  and  beautiful,  and  forgit  the  commonplace 
and  dreary.  We  forgit  the  steamin'  vats  and  big 
cheeses  Mary  must  have  had  to  turn  and  lift  at  her 
place  of  service,  Gavin  Hamilton's,  or,  as  Burns 
called  it — "The  Castle  of  Montgomerie." 

We  forgit  all  the  toilsome  labor  that  must  have 
turned  Mary's  pretty  hands  brown  and  hard,  and 
made  her  slim  back  ache. 

We  forgit  the  achin'  "  Ploughman  shanks "  the 
laborer  Burns  must  have  carried  sometimes  to  their 
trystin'  place  beside  the  Bonny  Doon. 

For  though  you  may  lighten  the  labor  of  plough- 
in'  by  religious  poems,  like  the  "  Cotter's  Saturday 
Night,"  or  brave,  heroic  ones,  like  "  Scots  wha  hae 
wi1  Wallace  bled,"  or  verses  to  "  A  Mouse"  and 
"A  Mountain  Daisy"— 

"Wee  sleekit,  cowerin',  tim'rous  beastie," 
and 

"  Wee  modest,  crimson-tipped  flower," 

and    "  Brigs"    and    "Glens"    and   "Water-fowls—" 
And  though  he  may  have   added  a  flavor  to  it  by 


228  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

sarcastic  verses  to  "  Holy  Willie,"  and  "  The  Deil " 
and  "  The  Unco  Guid"- 

Yet  to  hold  the  heavy  plough  as  it  tore  its  long 
furrows  in  the  flinty  soil  wuz  weary  work,  and  the 
back  and  arms  of  the  poet  must  have  ached  as  sorely 
as  any  other  ploughman's. 

But  you  forgit  all  that ;  they  dwell  here  forever 
care  free,  serene  in  glowin'  youth  and  beauty. 

How  near  they  seemed  to  me,  these  immortal 
lovers,  as  I  stood  there  lost  in  thought  by  the  rip- 
plin'  waters  of  the  Bonny  Doon  ! 

The  white  clouds  floated  along  in  the  same  blue 
bendin'  Heavens  ;  the  bright  waters  dimpled  and 
laughed  along  jest  as  gayly  and  crystal  clear,  and 
their  memory  dominated  all  things  above  and 
below. 

Here  they  stood,  happy  youth  and  maiden,  beside 
the  overrunnin'  Doon,  that  carries  'em  on,  and  will 
carry  'em  on  forever,  through  the  land  of  Love  and 
of  Fame. 

She  is  a-lookin'  up  with  blue,  love-lit  eyes  into  his 
eager,  ardent  face.  He  is  sayin'  to  her,  as  he  did  a 
hundred  years  ago — 

"  Will  ye  go  to  the  Indies,  my  Mary, 

And  leave  auld  Scotia's  shore? 
Will  ye  go  to  the  Indies,  my  Mary, 
Across  the  Atlantic's  roar  ? 


ROBERT   BURNS   AND    HIGHLAND    MARY.  22Q 

Oh,  sweet  grow  the  lime  and  the  orange, 

4» 

And  the  apple  on  the  pine  ; 
But  a'  the  charms  o'  the  Indies 
Can  never  equal  thine." 

And  agin  he  is  sayin',  as  we  imagine,  with  a  smile 
and  a  tear  in  his  half  sad,  half  humorous  way— 

"  Bonnie  wee  thing,  cannie  wee  thing, 

Lovely  wee  thing,  wert  thou  mine, 
I  wad  wear  thee  in  my  bosom, 

Lest  my  jewel  I  should  tine. 
Wishfully  I  look  and  languish 

In  that  bonnie  face  o'  thine  ; 
And  my  heart  it  stounds  wi'  anguish, 

Lest  my  wee  thing  be  na  mine." 

Wall,  his  forebodin'  wuz  correct  ;  Death,  a  more 
triumphant  and  constant  lover  than  poor  Burns 
would  have  been,  bore  off  the  bonny  lassie  into  his 
icy  but  secure  realm — mebby  beyend  the  star  her 
bereft  lover  apostrophized  so  long  afterwards  a-talk- 
in'  to  her  "dear  departed  shade— 

"  Thou  ling'ring  star,  with  less'ning  ray, 
That  lovest  to  greet  the  early  morn  ; 
Again  thou  usher'st  in  the  day 

My  Mary  from  my  soul  was  torn." 

But  though  Death  bore  her  off  in  her  first  sweet 
youth,  and  him  long  years  after,  a  sad,  middle-aged 
man,  with  a  big  family  of  children,  who  called 


THIS    IMMORTAL    PAIR   OF   LOVERS. 


ROBERT   BURNS   AND    HIGHLAND    MARY.  231 

another  woman  mother — still  they  stand  there  by  the 

0 

Bonny  Doon. 

The  blue  eyes  and  the  brown  eyes  (that  have  been 
dust  for  a  century)  are  still  lookin'  love  to  each 
other. 

Warm,  clingin'  hands,  that  can  hardly  be  torn 
apart,  love  so  great  that  it  fills  the  universe — love  ! 
constancy  !  despair  !  heart-ache  !  flowin'  out  from 
the  rapt  atmosphere  that  surrounds  this  immortal 
pair  of  lovers  ;  it  is  a  power  that  enfolds  all  feelin' 
hearts. 

The  deep  emotions  that  sanctified  that  spot  live 
on  still  in  the  heart  of  the  w^orld. 

Devotion  !  heart-breakin'  grief  !  death  !  eternity  ! 
they  are  all  brought  nearer  as  we  stand  by  these 
sparklin'  waters  that  flow  on  forever,  whisperin' 
the  names  of  Robert  Burns  and  his  Highland 
Mary. 

Other  thoughts  come  to  us  anon,  or  a  little  later- 
thoughts  of  the  labors  and  struggles  of  the  poet  to 
make  a  home  and  respectable  livin'  for  his  family. 

The  warm  poet  nater,  endowed,  as  all  true  poet 
souls  are,  with  the  fiery  "  love  of  love,  and  hate 
of  hate,  and  scorn  of  scorn,"  tryin'  to  make  its  way 
in  a  practical,  money-lovin'  age. 

It  wuz  some  like  takin'  an  eagle  down  from  the 
heights,  and  trainin'  it  to  become  a  barn-yard  fowl, 


232  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

or  breakin'  in  a  wild  gazelle  to  churn  in  a  treadle 
machine. 

It  wuz  hard  work  ! 

And  the  fashionable  world,  that  took  him  up  with 
the  interest  it  would  give  to  a  new  toy  of  a  novel 
design,  soon  grew  weary  of  him,  and  turned  away 
coldly  from  the  strugglin'  poet,  in  his  unequal  con 
flict  with  poor  land,  high  rents,  misaprehension, 
poverty,  and  hardships. 

No  wonder  he  turned  away  from  the  world  at 
last  and  said  to  poor  Jean  (she  that  wuz  Jean 
Armour),  the  wife  who  had  been  constant  to  him  in 
evil  and  good  report- 

"  I  am  wearin'  awa',  Jean  ; 
Like  snow  in  a  thaw,  Jean, 
I  am  wearin'  awa' 
To  the  Land  o'  the  Leal. 

"  And  there  I  would  be  fain 
In  the  Land  o'  the  Leal." 

No  wonder  he  said  it,  poor  creeter  ! 

I  spoze  the  gay  world  apoligized  for  its  neglect 
and  coldness  by  sayin'  that  Burns  drinked  and 
cut  up. 

Wall,  I  spoze  he  did — some  ;  but  he  wuz  a  good- 
hearted  creeter. 

And  anyway  they  overlooked  it  in  the  first  place, 


ROBERT   BURNS   AND    HIGHLAND    MARY.  233 

and  'em  who  worship  his  memory  now  look  calmly 
over  them  faults  as  if  they  were  mere  specks  on  a 
blazin'  sun. 

Why  didn't  they  do  so  then  ?  Why  didn't  they 
take  a  few  of  the  posies  they  scatter  on  his  cold 
tomb  to-day  (one  hundred  years  too  late)  and  lay 
'em  in  the  tired,  hard-workin'  hands,  toilin'  on  at 
Nithsdale  ? 

Why  didn't  they  take  a  few  bits  from  the  ban 
quets  they  spread  now  to  his  memory  (one  hundred 
years  too  late)  and  give  it  to  the  half-starvin'  poet 
and  his  wife  and  little  ones,  while  it  would  have 
done  some  good  ? 

Why  didn't  they  take  a  little  of  the  immense 
sums  they  spend  in  marble  blocks  and  shafts  to  rear 
monuments  to  him  all  over  the  world,  to  buy  a  few 
comforts  for  himself  and  his  loved  ones  ? 

For  what  did  almost  his  last  letter  state,  he  had 
writ  to  a  friend  askin'  some  relief,  for  without  it, 
he  sez— 

"  If  I  die  not  of  disease,  I  must  perish  of  hun 
ger." 

Heart-sick  with  the  tyrrany  of  his  employers,  the 
little  minds  about  him,  who  mebby  rejoiced  to  tyr- 
ranize  over  and  torment  a  soul  so  much  above  their 
own.  Heart-sick  with  the  neglect  of  the  world,  he 
fell  asleep  July  2ist,  1795. 


234  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

About  a  month  before  his  death  he  writ  to  a 
friend— 

"  As  to  my  individual  self  I  am  tranquil,  but 
Burns'  poor  widow  and  half  a  dozen  of  his  dear  lit 
tle  ones,  helpless  orphans.  Here  I  am  weak  as  a 
woman's  tear,  'tis  half  of  my  disease,"  etc. 

I  should  think  Scotland  would  be  ashamed  of 
herself.  I  honestly  should,  to  let  her  greatest  pride 
and  glory  die  of  a  broken  heart,  caused  by  her  neg 
lect  and  heartlessness,  and  then  praise  him  up  so 
and  spend  sech  sums  of  money  on  his  tombstones, 
and  things  (one  hundred  years  too  late). 

But,  then,  it's  a  trait  in  human  nater.  Scotland 
hain't  the  only  country  that  duz  it. 

It  is  nateral  to  torment  and  torture  the  soarin' 
bird  of  Genius,  and  pluck  out  the  plumage  from  its 
quiverin'  flesh  one  at  a  time — cut  its  feathers 
down,  hang  weights  to  its  wings,  and  act. 

And  then  when  the  agonized  and  heart-broken 
soul  has  took  its  flight  out  of  the  tortured  body,  to 
stuff  that  soulless  effigy  with  the  softest  and  warm 
est  stufnn'  of  praise  and  appreciation,  put  jewels  in 
the  blind  eye  sockets,  cover  the  cold  breast  with 
diamond  bright  stars  of  praise,  and  lift  it  up  on 
high,  up  on  top  of  the  soarinest  monuments  they 
can  raise  to  its  honor. 

Too  late,  too  late  ! 


ROBERT   BURNS   AND    HIGHLAND    MARY.  235 

But  I  am  jndeed  a-eppisodin'  ;  and  to  resoom. 

Everybody  in  the  village  had  sunthin'  to  say  of 
Burns.  Everybody  wuz  proud  of  livin'  in  the  place 
his  feet  had  once  trod. 

Them  who  looked  the  coldest  on  him  when 
livin',  or  descendents  of  them  who  had  wrung  his 
sensitive  soul  while  warm  and  beatin',  and  achin' 
for  sympathy— 

Descendents  of  the  big  man  of  the  village,  "  Holy 
Willie  "  himself,  who  once  would  not  have  spoken 
to  his  humble  neighbor,  or  if  he'd  spoken  at  all, 
they'd  been  words  of  insult  that  would  have  rankled 
in  the  soul  of  the  poet,  now  considered  it  their 
greatest  pride  and  honor  to  live  in  the  country  that 
gave  him  birth. 

The  cottage  is  a  low,  long  buildin'  only  one 
story  high.  And  jest  think  of  it,  how  many  are 
born  in  five-story  houses  that  nobody  hears  from 
afterwards.  The  roof  is  thatched,  the  floors  are 
stun,  clean  and  white.  A  cupboard  full  of  dishes 
stood  on  one  side  of  the  room. 

There  wuz  some  letters  that  Burns  writ  with 
his  own  hand.  I  thought  more  of  seein'  'em  than 
any  of  the  other  relicks.  Letters  that  his  own 
hand  rested  on — his  own  ardent,  handsome  face 
had  bent  over.  What  emotions  they  gin  me ;  I 
never  can  tell  the  heft  and  number  on  'em. 


236  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

Yes,  the  thought  of  Burns  filled  the  place,  jest 
as  some  strong,  rich  perfume  fills  the  hull  room 
where  it  has  been  spilt. 

I  didn't  hear  much  of  anything  said  about  Miss 
Burns  (she  that  wuz  Jean  Armour),  but  I  took 
quite  a  considerable  spell  of  time  and  devoted  it  to 
jest  thinkin'  about  her.  I  didn't  think  it  wuz  no 
more'n  right  that  I  should. 

I  spoze  she  felt  real  proud  to  be  the  wife  of  sech 
a  great  man,  and  it  wuz  a  great  thing.  But,  then, 
she  had  her  troubles.  Poor  thing  !  patient,  hard- 
workin'  creeter  !  Washin'  dishes,  mendin'  clothes, 
takin'  care  of  the  children,  takin'  all  the  care  she 
could  of  her  husband.  And  then  when  she  got 
him  all  mended  up  for  the  week,  and  as  good 
vittles  for  him  as  she  could  with  what  she  had  to 
do  with — then  to  have  him  a-writin'  verses  to  other 
wimmen  ! 

A-takin'  the  strength  her  own  pot-pies  and  pud- 
din's  had  gin  him,  and  a-spendin'  it  all  on  writin' 
verses  to  other  females. 

His  heart  a-beatin'  voyalent  aginst  the  vest  she 
had  newly  vamped  for  some  other  "Chloris"  or 
"Clorinda"  or  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

A-walkin'  off  in  the  stockin's  she  had  new  heeled  to 
catch  a  glimpse  of  some  "  lassie  wi'  lint  white  locks," 
so's  he  could  put  her  rustic  beauty  into  rhyme. 


ROBERT   BURNS   AND    HIGHLAND    MARY.  237 

A-throwin'  himself  down  in  a  good  coat  that 
she'd  jest  washed  and  fixed  up,  to  look  up  into 
the  sky  and  apostrofize  some  other  female  up  in 
Heaven. 

It  must  have  been  tough  on  Jean — fearful  gauld- 
in'  to  her ! 

But,  then,  mebby  she  wuz  willin'  to  have  the  fire 
of  his  genius  catch  a  brightness  and  glow  from 
any  object.  And  woman's  beauty  wuz  always,  to 
Robert  Burns,  what  the  very  best  kindlin'  wood 
is  to  me  when  vittles  are  to  be  produced  in  a  hurry. 

Mebby  she  looked  on  it  with  a  lenitent  eye- 
most  likely  she  did,  or  she  couldn't  thought  so 
much  on  him  as  she  did. 

I  guess  he  wuz  a  good,  tender  husband  to  her, 
and  a  good  provider,  so  fur  as  his  means  went. 

But  thinks  I,  here  is  another  sample  of  the 
devotion  and  constancy  of  my  own  sect.  I  thought 
on  her  about  i  7  minutes. 

Other  tourists  may  foller  my  example  or  not,  jest 
as  they  think  best,  but  I  done  it,  and  am  glad  on't. 
But  to  resoom. 

We  then  went  to  see  the  old  Bridge  of  Ayr, 
whose  single  arch  connects  each  green  shore.  It 
wuz  over  this  bridge  that  Tarn  o'  Shanter  rode  on 
the  old  mair  Maggie,  pursued  by  witches,  "  Wi' 
mony  an  eldritch  screech  and  hollow." 


SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

And  I  eppisoded  some.  I  have  to  in  the  strangest 
places.  I  methought  that  the  same  furies  that 
pursued  the  drunken  Tarn  is  still  sold  in  the  same 
old  inn,  and  even  in  the  very  birthplace  of  the 
poet. 


THE   SAME   FURIES   THAT    PURSUED   THE   DRUNKEN   TAM. 

The  same  sperits  of  delerious  fear,  and  senseless 
terror,  are  bought  and  sold  at  so  much  a  glass. 
Poets  live  and  poets  die — empires  rise  and  empires 
fall,  but  whiskey  has  to  be  sold  jest  the  same. 
Drunkards  race  through  their  sottish  lives,  hag  rid 
by  the  furies  of  drink  and  debauch.  And  mairs 


ROBERT    BURNS   AND    HIGHLAND    MARV.  239 

have  to  be  rid  to  death,  and  have  their  tails  cut 
off. 

Sez  Josiah,  u  It  wuz  probble  a  witch  that  cut  off 
the  mair's  tail." 

Till  he  answered  me,  I  hadn't  mistrusted  that  I 
wuz  a-eppisodin'  out  loud. 

Sez  I,  ''That  is  to  tippify  how  drunkards  abuse 
their  animals,  most  likely,"  sez  I,  "and  to  show 
that  these  foul  sperits  don't  have  no  power  where 
pure  water  is  in  full  sway. 

"The  drink  demon  hates  water,"  sez  I. 

But  Josiah  sez — "Wall,  wall  !  I  didn't  walk  out 
here  to  hold  a  Temperance  Meetin'  !"  Sez  he  sar- 
castickally,  "This  hain't  a  Total  Abstinence  So 
ciety  !" 

Sez  I,  "  It's  a  pity  there  wuzn't  one  here  a  hun 
dred  years  ago  !"  Sez  I,  "  Probble  it  would  have 
saved  poor  Burns  from  a  good  deal  that  he  went 
through,  and,"  sez  I,  "it  would  be  a-settin'  a  differ 
ent  sample  before  young  folks  from  the  one  that 
wuz  sot,  and  is  still  a-settin' — a  sample  his  genius, 
and  noble  qualities,  and  his  light-hearted  good 
nater  tempt  'em  to  f oiler." 

Sez  Josiah,  "Hain't  you  got  a  Temperance 
Pledge  round  you,  Samantha,  or  some  badges,  or 
some  banners,  or  white  ribbins,  or  sunthin'  ?" 

Sez    he  ironacly,  "  I  could  carry  a  banner  with 


240  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

'Temperance'  or  *  W.  C.  T.  U.'  on  it  jest  as 
well  as  not,  and  I'd  ruther  lug  it  round  and  be 
done  with  it  than  to  have  to  everlastin'ly  hear  on't." 

"Wall,"  sez  I  soothin'ly,  "we  will  go  back  now 
and  have  a  good  lunch." 

And  as  we  wended  along,  I  meditated  thatmebby 
I  hadn't  gin  enough  thought  to  my  pardner's  feel- 
in's.  For  truly  mortals  have  not  now  any  more 
than  in  the  time  of  Burns  the  "gift  to  see  our- 
sels  as  ithers  see  us." 

But  I  wuz  upheld  by  thinkin'  I'd  talked  on 
principle,  and  that  is  a  dretful  upholdin'  thought. 


CHAPTER    XIII. 

EDINBURGH    AND    MARY    QUEEN    OF    SCOTS. 

WALL,  from  Glasgow  we  went  to  Edinburgh,  and 
we  found  that  that  wuz  a  beautiful  city,  beautiful, 
with  the  ancient  castle  perched  up  on  the  rocks 
four  hundred  feet  above,  and  old  Edinburgh  a-lyin' 
at  its  feet,  like  old  Vassals  that  gathers  round  their 
Chieftan  ;  all  on  'em  aged,  but  loth  to  part. 

The  streets  of  old  Edinburgh  are  so  narrer  that 
you  can  almost  reach  to  both  sides  of  'em  and  touch 
the  houses. 

The  houses,  with  pinted  ruffs  and  gabriel  ends, 
are  quaint  and  picturesque  in  the  extreme,  and  inter- 
estin'. 

Between  the  new  and  the  old  is  a  gulf,  as  there 
often  is,  but  partly  filled  up  with  a  R.  R.  Station, 
and  statutes  and  gardens  and  handsome  bridges  are 
throwed  acrost  it. 

New  Edinburgh  is  laid  out  dretful  handsome,  with 
broad,  wide  streets  and  handsome  buildin's,  and 
statutes  and  fountains  and  parks  and  everything 
else  that  it  needs  for  its  comfort ;  and  it  might 
have  got  along  with  less  on  'em,  it  seemed  to  me, 


242  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

I  rode  through  'em,  for  Martin  always  said  he 
wanted  to  view  every  city  exhaustively. 

And  we  did  it  every  time  we  rid  out  with  him  ; 
I  come  home  perfectly  exhausted.  He  wanted  to 
see  so  much,  so  much,  in  sech  a  short,  sech  a  very 
short  time. 

Yes,  indeed  ! 

Oh,  dear  me  suz  ! 

When  Josiah  and  me  went  alone  by  ourselves  we 
took  as  much  agin  comfort,  for  though  mebby  I 
didn't  see  so  many  things,  I  see  'em  much  better. 
My  brain  didn't  reel  nigh  so  much,  nor  my  spec 
tacles  wobble  so. 

Why,  with  Martin  I  would  no  sooner  git  them 
specs  sot  on  anything,  a  steeple  or  anything,  but 
them  poor  specs  would  have  to  do  as  poor  little 
Joe  did,  that  Dickens  wrote  about,  "move  along," 
and  move  lively,  too. 

I  wuz  sorry  for  'em  and  for  the  eyes  under  'em. 

Yes,  indeed,  I  wuz  ! 

Half  of  the  time  Martin  wouldn't  look  at  the  dif 
ferent  things  at  all.  But  he  said  that  he  had  never 
visited  Edinburgh  before,  and  that  he  wanted  to 
take  in  all  the  sights. 

And  I  believe  my  soul  wuz  raced  through  every 
solitary  street  that  day  we  wuz  out  together. 

He  seemed  to  feel  well  when  we  got  back  to  the 


EDINBURGH    AND    MARY    QUEEN   OF   SCOTS.         243 

hotel,  he  seemed  to  sort  o'  wake  up  or  roust  up. 
I  d'no  as  he  had  been  sound  asleep,  mebby  he'd  been 
in  a  deep  study  about  sunthin' — about  his  money- 
makin',  I  guess.  But  his  eyes  wuz  shet  a  good  deal 
of  the  time. 

But  he  said,  with  a  happy  look,  that  we  had  ac 
complished  a  great  deal. 

I  knew  he'd  accomplished  one  thing,  he  had  jest 
about  killed  one  female. 

And  my  poor  pardner  !  poor  creeter  !  wuz  not 
his  looks  pitiful  ?  He  bore  up  in  Martin's  sight 
(that  man  is  kinder  deceitful,  but  I  \vouldn't  want 
him  to  hear  that  I  said  it). 

But  when  we  wuz  alone,  he  would  take  on,  and 
limp,  more'n  I  believe  wuz  neccessary. 

Sez  I — "  You've  no  need  to  limp,  Josiah  ;  you  rid 
most  all  the  way." 

"  Rid  !  I  should  think  I  had  rid  !  I'm  bed  rid, 
that's  what  ails  me  !  I  never  shall  be  good  for 
nothin'  agin.  We've  been  four  hundred  milds  sence 
we  sot  out,  if  we've  been  a  step  !" 

And  he  sunk  down  onto  the  bed  and  groaned 
loud,  so's  you  could  hear  him  quite  a  good  ways. 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  let's  bear  up  under  it  the  best  we 
can — it's  all  paid  for." 

"  What  good  duz  payin'  for  a  thing  do  that  kills 
you  ?"  Sez  he,  "  When  you're  killed,  payin'  for  things 


244  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

hain't  a-goin'  to  help  you  !  Oh  !  if  I  ever  set  foot 
on  my  farm  agin,"  sez  he,  "  I'll  never  leave  it  to  go 
to  meetin',  or  anywhere." 

No  megumness  here,  as  I  could  see,  but  I  pitied 
him  and  sympathized  with  him  deeply. 

Sez  I,  "It  would  seem  dretful  good,  wouldn't  it, 
Josiah,  to  see  you  a-comin'  in  with  two  pails  of 
milk  ?  It  would  be  jest  about  this  time  you'd  want 
the  milk  scum  for  the  calves." 

"Don't  mention  it!"  he  groaned,  "them  happy 
times  wuz  too  happy  to  last ;  we  didn't  appreciate 


'em." 


"  No,"  sez  I  ;  "don't  you  remember  how  you  ust 
to  dum  the  calves,  and  barn  chores  ?" 

"I  praised  'em  always,"  sez  he  stoutly,  "and  I'd 
ruther  milk  my  hull  herd  of  Jerseys  now  this  minute 
than  to  eat  !" 

Sez  I,  "  I  don't  believe  I  appreciated  how  happy 
I  wuz  a-standin'  by  the  buttery  winder,  calm  and 
peaceful,  a-washin'  dishes,  or  a-skimmin'  milk,  and 
a-seein'  the  red  sun  a-sinkin'  low  beneath  Balcom's 
hill ;  and  the  sweet  south  wind  a-wavin'  the  mornin'- 
glory  vines,  and  my  snow-white  strainer  spread  on 
the  blossomin'  rose-bush  under  the  winder.  And 
the  sight  of  the  barns  lookin'  so  good,  and  sort  o' 
settled  down  and  at  rest,  and  the  hen-house,  and  the 
ash-house,  and  the  garden— 


EDINBURGH   AND    MARY    QUEEN   OF   SCOTS.         245 

"  And  how  I  ust  to  ketch  the  old  mair,"  sez  Jo- 
siah,  "  and  we'd  ride  over  and  see  the  children  after 
the  chores  wuz  done.  Oh  !  happy  days,"  sez  he, 
"we  never  shall  see  you  agin  !" 

"Yes  you  will,  Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I;  "  bear  up, 
and  we  will  anon  be  back  in  our  own  peaceful  home." 

And  wantin'  to  roust  him  up  still  further  out  of 
his  despondency,  I  sez,  "  You  will  enjoy  that  home 
better  than  ever  now,  for  how  you  will  enjoy  tellin' 
Uncle  Smedley  all  about  what  you  see  to-day,  Jo 
siah  Allen." 

He  brightened  up  ;  "  Yes,  Samantha,  if  I  ever 
live  to  get  home,  it  will  be  a  treat  to  tell  what  we 
went  through,  and,"  sez  he,  "won't  Uncle  Smedley 
open  his  eyes  when  I  tell  him  of— 

Alas  !  alas  !  I  had  done  what  I  sot  out  to  do.  I  had 
lightened  my  pardner's  gloom,  but  wearisome  wuz 
the  hours  I  spent  a-hearin'  him  rehearse  what  he 
wuz  a-goin'  to  tell  the  Jonesvillians. 

Oh,  the  peticulars,  oh,  the  peticulars !  It  wuz 
hard  to  tread  the  ground  over  under  the  rain  of  a 
Martin,  but  it  wuz  harder  still  to  hear 'em  rehearsed 
by  the  voice  of  a  Josiah. 

But  of  course  I  lived  through  it,  or  I  wouldn't 
be  here  to  tell  the  tale. 

Martin  always  done  the  fair  thing,  so  fur  as  gittin' 
good  places  to  stay  wuz  concerned,  and  we  had  a 


246  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

plenty  of  everything  for  our  comfort,  only  jest  that 
one  thing — rest. 

But  my  onusual  common  sense  learnt  me  that  I 
mustn't  expect  to  be  to  home  and  on  a  tower  at 
the  same  time. 

And  I  felt  quite  grateful  to  Martin  for  invitin'  us 
to  go  with  him — a  good  deal  of  the  time  I  did  ;  and 
I  tried  to  do  my  part  as  well  as  I  could.  I  kep'  a 
eye  on  Adrian,  and  see  that  his  clothes  and  feet  wuz 
dry,  and  see  that  he  learnt  his  Sunday-school  les 
son,  and  see  that  Alice  took  her  cough  medicine 
•every  day  ;  and  when  Martin  took  it  into  his  head 
to  go  off  for  a  day  or  two,  he  felt  easy  about  the 
children,  knowin'  my  love  and  care  for 'em  couldn't 
be  excelled  and  gone  beyend  by  anybody.  He  said 
it  wuz  a  great  care  offen  his  mind,  and  made  him 
feel  at  liberty  to  go  and  come. 

He  had  to  see  certain  men  on  business  in  these 
different  countries  where  we  went,  and  I  presoom 
he  did  feel  better  to  know  that  the  children  had 
some  one  with  'em  that  loved  'em  while  he  was  off 
milds  away  for  days  at  a  time. 

And  Alice  kep'  a-sayin'  every  day  that  she 
couldn't  have  got  along  without  me  anyway.  And 
I  presoom  I  \vuz  some  company  for  her ;  anyway,  I 
loved  her,  and  she  knew  it.  You  can't  hide  sech 
feelin's  under  a  bushel. 


EDINBURGH   AND    MARY    QUEEN   OF   SCOTS.         247 

And  lots  of  times  I  gladly,  gladly  stayed  to  home 
with  Adrian  Awhile  Alice  went  out  with  her  Pa. 
She  would  say  so  sweetly  that  it  wuz  too  bad  to 
deprive  me  of  the  pleasure  of  goin'  out  with  her 
Pa. 

And  I  would  say,  "  Don't  mention  it,  Alice  ;  I 
am  perfectly  willin'  to  stay  to  home  with  Adrian." 
And  Heaven  knows  I  spoke  the  truth  ! 

She  would  come  home,  the  horses  covered  with 
sweat,  and  Martin  and  herself  all  fagged  out;  but 
the  fagness  of   20  hain't  like  the   fagness  of— 
more  maturer  and  older  years. 

And  in  the  mornin'  she'd  be  ready  for  another 
start. 

Of  course  some  of  the  excursions  I  gladly  jined 
in.  I  wuz  glad  enough  to  go  to  see  Holy  rood 
Palace,  once  the  home  of  Mary  Stuart,  Queen  of 
Scots — Miss  Darnley,  she  that  wuz  Stuart. 

The  most  interestin'  queen  that  ever  walked  down 
the  pages  of  history.  A-walkin'  along  with  her  big, 
soft  eyes  bent  kinder  downwards  under  that  cap  of 
hern,  and  her  sweet  face  a-drawin'  men's  hearts 
out  of  their  bodies  to  foller  her  to  the  throne,  or 
the  scaffold,  as  she  trod  onwards.  Heaven  pity  her 
for  her  sorrow  !  If  she  wuz  true  or  false,  she  atoned 
for  her  sin,  poor  thing  !  by  the  hardness  of  her 
fate. 


248  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Poor  Mary !  poor  Miss  Stuart  that  wuz  !  I  wuz 
always  sorry  for  her,  and  I  always  believed  her  cousin 
Lizabeth  wuz  jealous  of  her. 

You  know  Lib  wuzn't  very  good-lookin',  and  she 
wuz  as  vain  as  a  pea-hen,  and  it  gaulded  her  to 
have  her  cousin  praised  up  so  to  her. 

Relations  are  dretful  mean  sometimes,  they're 
dretful  jealous  of  each  other — cousins  specially ; 
and  though  they  don't  make  a  practice  of  behead- 
in'  the  ones  they  are  jealous  of,  yet  they  stab  'em 
with  the  sharp,  pizened  daggers  of  detraction,  lies, 
hatred,  envy,  mean  insinuations,  total  incomprehen 
sion  of  their  motives,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

So  if  you  have  to  live  nigh  'em,  you  might  jest 
about  as  well  have  your  head  cut  off,  and  done 
with  it. 

But  to  resoom.  We  see  the  rooms,  not  very  big 
either,  that  poor  Mary,  Queen  of  Scots,  ust  to 
live  in. 

It  made  me  feel  real  bad  to  see  in  what  a  condition 
her  rooms  wuz  kep'.  Poor  thing  !  it  seems  as  if 
she  went  through  with  enough  while  she  wuz  alive 
to  have  some  respect  paid  to  her  memory  now,  and 
her  rooms  kep'  clean. 

But  they  wuz  dusty  and  dingy  lookin'.  The 
curtains  round  the  bed  where  that  pretty  head  ust 
to  lay  a-dreamin' — what  ? — wuz  all  ragged. 


EDINBURGH   AND    MARY    QUEEN   OF   SCOTS.         249 

I  wouldn't  have  sech  ragged  things  in  my  back 
chamber.  Hut,  poor  thing  !  I  didn't  lay  anything  to 
her ;  my  rooms  git  out  of  order  if  I  leave  'em  for 
three  days.  And  if  I  wuz  away  for  three  hundred 
years,  mine  would  look  jest  as  bad,  and  mebby 
worse. 

Josiah  wuz  dretful  took  up  in  lookin'  at  them  blood 
spots  in  the  anty-room,  but  I  wouldn't  look  at  'em. 
Sez  I- 

"  If  them  stains  are  made  new  every  few  days 
from  beef  creeters,  hens,  or  etcetery,  I  certainly 
don't  want  to  see  'em.  And  if  they're  made  by  the 
blood  of  that  Italian  Rizzio,  I  wouldn't  give  a  cent 
to  see  'em." 

Sez  I,  "I'm  sorry  for  him,  but  I  don't  believe 
he  wuz  what  he  ort  to  be.  Anyway,  he  ort  to  known 
he  wuz  a-makin'  trouble  in  a  family  ;  men  ortn't 
to  make  pardners  jealous  of  'em  if  they  can  help 
it.  But,"  sez  I,  after  thinkin'  a  minute,  "I  d'no  as 
he  could  help  it.  That  fatal  power  Mary  wielded 
held  him,  poor  creeter  !  and  drawed  him  on  to  his 
fate,  jest  as  it  did  the  jealous  pardner,  when  the 
time  come." 

Wall,  I  had  sights  of  emotions  in  that  palace  and 
in  the  chapel  adjoinin',  where  we  trod  over  the 
graves  of  so  many  kings  and  queens  once  so  high 
and  mighty,  now  nothin'  but  dust. 


Curous,  curous,  hain't  it  ?    Wall,  I  went  with 

'em  to  visit  the  castle  of  Edinburgh.  And  the  view 
from  them  rampants  wuz  so  wide  and  extended 
that  Josiah  vowed  he  could  see  clear  over  to  Jones- 
ville.  I  disputed  him,  but  he  said  and  stuck  to  it, 
that  he  recognized  the  steeple. 

I  knew  better,  but  it  wuz  a  grand  and  sweepin' 
view  as  I  ever  see,  or  ever  expect  to  see.  All  Scot 
land  lay  spread  out  before  us,  some  as  our  old  map 
would  if  it  wuz  spread  on  the  kitchen  floor,  and  I 
looked  down  on  it  from  the  top  of  the  kitchen 
table. 

We  see  the  room  here  where  poor  Mary,  Queen 
of  Scots,  gave  birth  to  a  prince,  James  VI. ,  after 
wards  James  ist  of  England.  What  she  went 
through  in  this  room  !  For  when  her  baby  wuz  only 
eight  days  old  it  wuz  let  down  in  a  basket  from  the 
cliff.  Jest  think  on't,  sech  a  little  baby  let  down 
four  hundred  feet ;  but  it  wuz  to  save  his  life,  and 
she  stood  it. 

Here  we  see  the  crown  that  they  said  rested  on 
the  head  of  Robert  Bruce.  And  we  see  the  place 
where  so  many,  so  many  politicians  had  their  heads 
cut  off. 


EDINBURGH   AND    MARY    QUEEN   OF   SCOTS.         251 

I  didn't  like  to  hear  sech  talk,  and  I  showed  that 
I  didn't  by  my  mean.  But  I  proposed  that  we 
should  jine  Martin.  He  wuz  a-settin'  down  in 
front  of  them  rampants  a-addin'  up  a  row  of  figgers 
in  a  account  book. 

He  said  that  it  wuz  some  home  business  that  had 
to  be  attended  to.  As  he  put  the  book  back  in  his 
pocket,  and  proposed  that  we  should  start  for  some 
where  else,  I  sez,  "The  view  is  enchantin'  from 
here,  hain't  it,  Martin  ?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  he  in  a  absent-minded  way,  without 
turnin'  his  head— 

"  Yes ;  there !  I  forgot  to  add  that  last  five 
thousand  dollars  to  the  balance,"  and  he  wrote  it 
down  as  we  walked  onwards. 

But  my  remark  wuz  evidently  a-hangin'  round  in 
some  by-place  in  his  mind,  for  he  presently  re 
marked  as  he  went  down  the  path— 

"  Yes,  as  you  say,  the  view  is  perfectly  en 
chanting." 

And  he  gazed  dreamily  at  the  rocks  that  riz  up 
before  us  and  shet  out  every  mite  of  view  from  that 
place. 

Al  Faizi  stood  on  the  lofty  eminence  a-lookin' 
off  in  silence,  and  it  seemed  as  though  he  couldn't 
hardly  be  tore  from  the  seen  ;  and  the  grandeur 
and  beauty  wuz  reflected  in  his  eyes,  some  as  you 


252  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

can  see  your  own  face  in  a  pardner's  orbs  if  you 
look  clost  and  lovin'  into  'em. 

Alice  and  Adrian  wuz  a-\valkin'  along,  and 
seemed  to  be  enjoyin'  themselves  first-rate. 

Adrian  wuz  a-askin'  her  quite  a  number  of 
questions  about  Robert  Bruce  and  King  James, 
etc.,  etc.,  and  she  wuz  a-answerin'  him  quite  lusid ; 
bein'  so  late  at  school  made  her  quite  a  adept  in 
history,  adepter  than  any  of  the  rest  of  us  \vuz,  by 
fur. 

Wall,  we  went  to  the  Church  of  St.  Giles,  and 
we  see  the  Heart  of  Mid  Lothian.  I  had  heard 
Thomas  J.  read  the  story,  and  I  wuz  interested  in  it. 

In  the  northwest  corner  of  the  church  there  is 
a  heart  cut  in  the  pavement,  and  here  the  old 
Tolbooth,  the  city  prison,  first  stood.  In  St.  Giles 
Churchyard  John  Knox  wuz  buried. 

The  grave-stun  has  nothin'  but  his  initial  and 
the  date  of  his  death.  As  I  looked  at  it,  I 
thought  what  long  epitaphs — and  in  poetry,  too, 
some  on  'em — failed  to  git  any  attention  from 
posterity.  But  as  long  as  posterity  lives — and  I 
spoze  that  will  be  a  good  while  yet — this  una- 
sumin'  grave  will  be  visited,  for  a  Man  lies  buried 
here — a  hero  who  wuzn't  afraid  to  speak  his  mind, 
and  who  follered  the  right,  so  fur  as  he  see  it, 
through  good  and  evil  report. 


EDINBURGH   AND    MARY   QUEEN   OF   SCOTS.         253 

Wall,  in  the  Parliament  House  we  see  a  copy 
of  the  first  Bible  that  wuz  ever  printed.  That 
gin  me  a  sight  of  emotions — a  sight  ;  and  I  had 
quite  a  number  of  emotions  a-seein'  the  manuscript 
of  the  Waverley  Novels,  and  in  meditatin'  that 
Walter's  own  hand  rested  on  these  pages. 

Kinder  tired  hands  some  of  the  time,  no  doubt, 
and  the  eyes  above  heavy  from  study  and  toil. 
And  he  (Walter)  not  a-dreamin'  how  so  many  years 
after  she  who  wuz  once  Smith  would  stand  and 
look  on  'em  with  respect  and  almost  veneration. 

No  ;  he  didn't  have  this  to  encourage  him  and 
make  him  happy,  poor  creeter  ! 

But  how  well  he  did  ;  how  much  happiness  he 
has  gin,  and  how  much  valuable  information  has 
been  took  onbeknown  from  the  pages  of  his  stories, 
like  powders  of  smartweed  in  a  spunful  of  honey. 

Old  Gray  Friar's  Church  and  churchyard  wuz 
dretful  interestin'  to  us  on  account  of  a  good  many 
things. 

Alice  and   I   wuz  extremely  interested   to   learn 

that  here  wuz   where  Walter  Scott  ust  to  come  to 

• 

meetin'  in  his  young  days.  And  to  see  the  graves 
of  his  Pa  and  his  Ma,  and  some  of  the  rest  of  his 
folks  in  the  old  churchyard. 

In  this  meetin'-house  the  National  Covenant  wuz 
signed  in  1 638.  After  listenin'  to  a  heart-searchin'  ser- 


THE  NATIONAL  COVENANT  SIGNED  BY  THE  EARL  OF  SUTHERLAND. 


EDINBURGH   AND    MARY    QUEEN   OF   SCOTS.         255 

mon  by  Alexander  Henderson  this  paper  wuz  signed 

4*» 

by  the  Earl  of  Sutherland,  and  all  the  rest  of  the  folks 
who  wuz  to  meetin'  that  day.  It  wuz  then  took  out 
into  the  buryin'-ground  outside,  and  spread  out  on 
a  flat  tombstone — a  fittin'  spot,  jedgin'  from  what 
come  afterwards — and  signed  by  crowds  and  crowds 
of  the  people.  Some  writ  their  names  in  blood, 
showin'  their  willingness  to  die  for  the  Faith. 

This  wuz  the  Confession  of  Faith  of  1580,  drawed 
up  by  the  principal  Presbyterian  ministers  of  Edin 
burgh.  Them  that  signed  it  agreed  to  protect  and 
preserve  their  religion  even  to  the  death. 

And  these  Covenanters  wuz  persecuted  and  killed 
for  their  faith,  and  then,  when  they  wuz  in  power, 
they  wuz  jest  as  cruel  to  their  persecutors. 

And  all  in  the  name  of  Religion.  Sweet  sperit, 
how  can  she  stand  it  ?  But  I  spoze  she  made  allow 
ances  for  'em,  a-thinkin'  they  wuz  mistook. 

Al  Faizi  looked  down  in  silence  on  the  stun  with 
a  railin'  round  it  where  the  Covenant  wuz  written. 
And  finally  he  took  out  that  book  of  hisen  with  a 
cross  on  it,  and  he  writ  quite  a  lot  in  it.  What  it 
wuz  I  d'no. 

And  as  he  stood  in  front  of  that  monument,  riz 
up  there  to  the  memory  of  the  martyrs  put  to  death 
for  their  religion,  he  writ  a  hull  lot  more. 

I    myself  got    a    piece    of    paper    from  Josiah's 


256  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

account  book,  and  I  had  a  pencil  with  me,  and  I 
copied  this  inscription,  so's  to  let  Thomas  J.  see  it. 

It  wuz  dretful  readin'.  As  History  held  up  her 
torch  to  light  me  as  I  writ  it  down,  mournin'  weeds 
seemed  to  wrop  her  round  and  droop  over  her  for 
ward,  and  her  face  looked  cold  and  pale  and  awful 
out  from  under  them  weeds.  It  read  as  f oilers — 

And  I  thought,  I  can  tell  you,  as  I  read  it  of 
how  Miss  Argyll  felt  and  Miss  Renwick  and  the 
children,  for  though  it  is  a  good  ways  back,  it  hurt 
jest  as  bad  to  have  your  head  cut  off  then  as  it  duz 
now,  and  hearts  of  loved  ones  who  wuz  left  ached 
jest  as  bad. 

It  read  as  f  oilers  — 

"  From  May  27,  1661,  that  the  most  noble  Mar 
quise  of  Argyll  was  beheaded,  to  the  i  7th  of  Feb 
ruary,  1668,  that  Mr.  James  Renwick  suffered,  were 
one  way  or  other  murdered  or  destroyed  for  the 
same  cause  about  18,000,  of  whom  were  executed 
in  Edinburgh  about  100  of  noblemen,  gentlemen, 
ministers,  and  other  noble  martyrs  for  Jesus 
Christ." 

Al  Faizi's  face  wuz  a  deep  study  as  he  stood 
there. 

And  he  sez  to  Martin,  who  had  sauntered  up  and 
wuz  a-lookin'  round,  with  his  hands  in  his  pantaloons 
pockets— 


EDINBURGH   AND    MARY   QUEEN   OF   SCOTS.         257 

Sez  Al  F#izi — "  This  war  was  between  Presby 
terians  and  Catholics  ?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  Martin. 

"  Both  of  these  religious  sects  thought  they  were 
right  ?" 

"Yes,"  sez  Martin;  "I  suppose  so." 

"They  both  send  missionaries  to  my  people  ?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  Martin  ;  "  quite  likely  ;  of  course  they 
do." 

Al  'Faizi  didn't  say  nothin',  but  he  writ  down 
quite  a  lot  more  ;  what  it  wuz  I  d'no. 

But  his  face  looked  very  thoughtful,  and  the 
light  struck  that  jewelled  cross  on  the  back  of  his 
little  book,  and  its  rays  streamed  out  as  red  as 
blood. 

But  he  kinder  shifted  it  a  little  after  awhile,  and 
a  pure  and  lambient  light  gleamed  from  it. 

Queer !   I'd  like  to  know  what  them  stuns  wuz. 

I  d'no  what  Josiah  did  think  as  he  looked 
at  that  monument,  but  I  had  a  sight  of  emotions, 
and  of  great  size.  And  I  sez  to  my  pardner— 

"  One  thing  I  am  impressed  by  as  I  read  of  these 
dretful  things  done  by  men  who  thought  they  wuz 
doin'  right,"  sez  I,  "it  learns  me  to  not  be  too  set 
in  my  own  way,  even  when  I  think  I  am  right." 

Sez  Josiah,  "  I  always  knew  you  wuz  too  sot !" 

Somehow  the  words  grated  on  my  nerve.     It  is 


258  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

so  much   easier  to  run  yourself  down  than  to  be 

run. 

But  right  here  in  front  of  so  many  martyrs  I 
wuzn't  goin'  to  be  overcome  by  a  muskeeter,  for 
truly  my  sufferin's  wuzn't  bigger  than  that,  com 
pared  to  theirn. 

And  I  wuz  jest  a-goin'  to  complete  my  self- 
conquest  by  speakin  soft  to  him,  when  he  whis 
pered  to  me— 

"I'm  as  hungry  as  a  bear,  Samantha.  Not  a 
bear  in  a  circus,"  sez  he,  "but  a  Rocky  Moun 
tain  bear. 

"  I  wonder  if  Martin  hain't  about  ready  to  go  ?" 

Wall,  Martin  wuz  ready  by  that  time  ;  but  I   see 

lots   of  other  things  whilst  we   wuz   there.     Alice 

and   Martin  went  to  the    Queen's   Drive.      1    d'no 

who     the     Queen    wuz,    nor    who     she    driv,    nor 

how  fur. 

And  they  went  to  the  ruins  of  St.  Anthony's 
Chapel,  and  Alice  raved  over  the  beautiful  view 
from  Arthur's  Seat.  I  d'no  what  kind  of  a 
seat  it  wuz,  nor  how  long  Arthur  sot  in  it,  but  she 
said  that  the  view  from  there  wuz  enchantin'.  And 
we  all  went  to  the  Antiquarian  Museum,  and  see 
sights  and  sights  of  relicks.  Autograph  letters  from 
Charles  2nd,  Cromwell,  Mary,  Queen  of  Scots,  and 
we  see  the  old  Scotch  Covenant  with  the  names  of 


EDINBURGH   AND    MARY   QUEEN   OF   SCOTS.         259 


Montrose,  Lothair,  etc.,  signed  to  it.  And  one 
of  the  banners  them  Covenanters  had  bore  in  their 
battles. 

Here    wuz    the    very  glass    that    Prince    Charlie 
drank   from   before  the  battle  of  Culloden.     And 
then  the  pulpit  of  John  Knox  ;  out  of  which  that 
man  three  hundred  years 
ago  thundered  out  sech 
burnin'   words    agin    the 
Church  of  Rome. 

Here  is  a  piece  of  the 
last  garments  put  on  to 
Robert  Bruce,  and  in 
which  he  was  laid  in  his 
last  sleep — a  sound  sleep. 
Poor  creeter  !  disturbed 
not  by  the  warlike  bugles 
and  sounds  of  fray. 

And  here  is  the  blue 

ribbin    of    the    Knight  of   WHEN  PRINCE  CHARLIE  AND  FLORA  MACDONALD  PARTED. 

the     Garter,     wore     by 

Prince  Charlie,  and  the  ring  gin  to  him  by  Flora 

Macdonald  as  they  parted. 

And  then  there  wuz  sights  and  sights  of  weepons, 
coins,  medallions,  seals,  old  implements,  etc.,  etc. 

But  one  thing  I   see  there  madded  me  more'n 
considerable  ;  it  wuz  a  kind  of  a  gullotine  rigged  up 


260  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

with  a  axe,  that  wuz  held  up  between  two  posts,  and 
let  down  on  the  necks  of  'em  they  wanted  to  kill. 
This  very  thing  took  the  life  of  the  Earl  of  Argyll, 
Sir  John  Gordon,  and  lots  of  others. 

But  what  madded  me  most  wuz  the  name  of  the 
creeter. 

"The  Maiden." 

It  is  a  wonder  they  didn't  call  it  the  "Old 
Maiden,"  if  they'd  wanted  to  be  a  little  meaner. 

It  rousted  me  up  fearfully  to  think  a  lot  of  men 
should  rig  up  such  a  horrid,  death-dealin'  thing  to 
carry  out  their  bloody  and  brutal  idees  and  then 
call  it — "  Maiden." 

Why  didn't  they  call  it  after  their  own  selves, 
and  call  it — the  "Old  Man,"  or  "the  Feller,"  or 
sunthin'  like  that  ? 

"The  Maiden!  !  !" 

No  woman  would  countenance  sech  cuttin'  off 
the  heads  of  folks,  and  they  knew  it.  They  named 
it  so  to  be  mean. 

And  Martin,  sayin'  that  it  would  be  expected  of 
him,  and  he  should  have  questions  asked  him  by 
influential  parties  which  he  should  want  to  answer, 
went  to  see  lots  of  Horsepitals,  and  Schools,  and 
Universities. 

Josiah  went  with  him  one  day,  and  come  home 
and  said  Heriot's  Horsepital  beat  anything  he  ever 


EDINBURGH   AND    MARY    QUEEN   OF   SCOTS.         261 

see  for  architecture,  and,  sez  he,  "  it  wuz  designed 
by  Indigo  Jones." 

Sez  I,  "  I  don't  believe  any  woman  ever  named 
her  babe  'Indigo'  in  this  world."  And  I  inquired, 
and  found  out  that  it  wuz  "  Inigo." 

Josiah  said  I  hadn't  made  out  much.  It  wuzn't 
any  better  name.  But  it  wuz. 

Indigo  !  the  idee  !  ! 

A  little  ways  out  of  the  town  is  the  home  where 
Doctor  Guthrie  lived,  and  one  of  the  most  beauti 
ful  and  interestin'  houses  I  see  in  Scotland  or  any 
where  else.  It  wuz  the  one  his  brother,  Mr.  Thomas 
Nelson,  built.  Every  American  who  goes  to  Scot 
land  ort  to  walk  by  it  and  meditate  out  a  spell,  any 
way,  if  they  don't  go  in. 

Durin'  our  late  war,  when  foreign  nations  thought 
our  great  republic  wuz  a-totterin'  over  to  ruin,  this 
man  had  faith  in  us,  and  invested  thousands  of 
pounds  in  goverment  bonds. 

And  the  rise  in  them  bonds  paid  every  cent  this 
palace  of  hisen  cost.  I  didn't  begrech  it  to  him, 
not  at  all. 

Them  in  England  who  invested  so  largely  in 
Confederate  bonds,  and  lost  every  cent,  wouldn't 
be  so  happy  in  ridin'  by  that  noble  structure  and 
lookin'  at  it,  mebby. 


CHAPTER    XIV. 

MEMORIES    OF    SIR    WALTER    SCOTT. 

AND  one  excursion  I  took  part  in  with  the 
greatest  delight  and  one  small  satchel — for  we  wuz 
to  stay  one  night — wuz  to  Melrose  Abbey  and  Ab- 
botsford,  the  home  of  Sir  Walter  Scott. 

Josiah  said  he  wanted  to  see  Melrose  Abbey  by 
moonlight.  He  said  it  would  be  so  romantic,  and, 
sez  he,  "  I  wish  I  could  have  a  guitar.  How  stylish 
and  romantic  it  would  be  for  you  and  me,  Saman- 
tha,  to  visit  it  by  moonlight,  and  I  could  sing  to 
you,"  sez  he. 

But  I  sez,  "  A  old  couple  a-viewin'  that  seen  by 
moonlight,  with  thick  blanket  shawls  on,  and 
heavy  overshues — and  I  should  wear  'em,  Josiah," 
sez  I,  "  and  make  you  wear  'em,  for  our  ruma- 
tizes  is  bad,  and  lookin'  up  at  the  moon  through 
spectacles  hain't  what  it  would  be  in  younger  and 
less  bundled-up  days/' 

"  Throw  a  blanket  onto  it!"  sez  he;  "wet  a 
blanket  wet  as  sop,  and  throw  it  onto  my  plan. 
I  never  can  git  you  to  foller  up  any  idees  of  mine 
that  are  stylish  and  romantic." 


MEMORIES   OE   SIR   WALTER   SCOTT. 


26' 


"I'll  Roller  'em,"  sez  I,  "but  I've  got  to  foller 
'em  with  an  eye  on  azmy  and  rumatiz.  And  as 
for  your  singin',"  sez  I,  "it  don't  seem  as  if  I  can 
hear  it."  And  I  shuddered  imperceptibly ;  I 
thought  of  the  near  past. 

But  the  rubber  strings  that  men's  memories  and 
consciences  are  strung  on  a  good  deal  of  the 
time  had  sprung  back,  and  he  wuz  jest 
as  ready  to  be  sentimental  and  bust  out 
in  song  as  if  he  hadn't  been  took  for  a 
Banshee. 

But  we  visited  the  Abbey  in  broad 
daylight,  which  wuz  better  for  our  two 
healths  at  our  age.  We  went  to  the 
Abbey  Hotel,  close  by  the  Abbey,  and 
after  a  comfortable  dinner  we  went 
through  the  little  iron  gate  that  leads 
into  the  grand  and  wonderful  ruin. 

It  must  have  been  a  sight,  a  sight,  in 
its  early  days.  But  bein'  built  in  the  first  place  in 
1 136,  it  hadn't  ort  to  be  expected  to  be  in  the  order 
it  would  have  been  if  it  had  been  built  in  1836, 
and  we'd  call  that  bein'  pretty  old  in  our  young 
country. 

Wall,  we  walked  all  round  amongst  the  ruins, 
and  the  waves  of  the  past  swashed  up  aginst  me  in 
a  powerful  manner. 


I    COULD    SING   TO    YOU, 
SEZ    HE. 


264  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Here,  sez  I  to  myself,  is  the  plaee  where  the 
heart  of  Robert  Bruee  is  buried.  That  eager,  rest 
less  heart  that  dared  so  mueh,  and  endured  so 
much.  Strange,  passing  strange  that  that  great 
heart  lays  dumb  and  mute,  and  Samantha  Allen 
and  her  pardner  are  a-walkin'  over  it. 

Here  is  the  grave  of  the  wizard  that  bold  Del- 
oraine  visited,  as  I  told  Josiah,  and  he  looked  down 
with  scornful  mean,  and  sez  he— 

"  He  has  stopped  his  wizardin'  now  !" 

Josiah  has  no  veneration  for  the  oceult. 

And  here  lies  the  Earl  of  Douglas,  and  here  is 
the  tomb  of  King  Alexander  2nd. 

Hero,  king,  and  wizard,  all  dust,  and  through 
the  tall,  ruined  arches  the  blue  sky  smiles  down  on 
all  on  'em  alike,  and  sweet  Nater  drops  on  their 
restin'-places  ;  on  grave  and  monuments  the  same 
posies,  and  flowers,  and  long  sprays  of  ivy. 

Nater  is  the  true  democrat ;  she  treats  all  alike.. 

But  \vhat  richness  of  carvin'  and  design  is  to  be 
seen  on  every  side  ;  every  ornament  that  wuz  ever 
carved,  it  seems  to  me,  wuz  here  on  the  tall  pillows 
and  arches.  And  that  east  winder — wall,  I  wake 
up  in  the  night  now,  and  think  on't,  the  perfect 
wonder  and  symetry  of  its  design,  and  the  marvels 
of  its  stun  sculptur. 

But    how    different    folks    look    at    things  !     Al 


MEMORIES   OF   SIR   WALTER   SCOTT.  265 

Faizi,  as  4ie  looked  up  and  around  him,  took  in 
the  beauty  and  majesty  of  the  seen  in  every  pore, 
as  you  may  say — you  could  see  that  in  his  liniment. 

Alice  wuz  took  up  with  some  of  the  marvellous 
statutes  and  sculpturs  of  wreath  and  blossom.  And 
Adrian  wuz  a-pickin'  some  flowers.  It  beat  all 
what  a  case. that  child  wuz  for  flowers.  And  Josiah 
wuz  took  up,  I  guess,  with  musin'  on  the  failure  of 
his  romantic  idees,  as  he  sauntered  about.  But 
Martin,  when  he'd  been  there  about  an  hour,  he 
come  up  to  me,  and  sez  he— 

"  Now,  having  seen  everything  there  is  to  see 
here,  I  think  we  had  better  go.  I  expect  some 
letters  and  telegrams,"  sez  he,  "  and  I've  seen  suffi 
cient  to  reply  to  any  inquiries  that  could  be  made 
of  me  at  home." 

Everything  we  could  see  !  Why,  I  could  have 
hung  right  round  there  for  a  week  and  discovered 
some  new  wonder  and  beauty  every  hour. 

But  it  wuz  compromised  in  this  way  :  Martin 
went  back  to  the  hotel,  and  Josiah-  and  Adrian  went 
with  him.  And  Al  Faizi  and  Alice  and  I  stayed 
till  night  wuz  a-drawin'  down  her  mantilly  previous 
to  puttin'  it  on. 

The  soft  linin'  on't  of  crimson  and  gold  wuz 
turned  over  in  the  west  as  we  walked  back  to  the 
little  hotel. 


266  SAMANTHA   IX    EUROPE. 

Wall,  the  next  mornin',  bright  and  early,  Martin 
got  a  carriage,  and  we  drove  three  miles  to  Ab- 
botsford,  the  home  of  Sir  Walter  Scott. 

By  Martin's  advice  (that  man  has  good  practical 
idees)  we  took  our  waterproofs  and  umbrells.  And 
glad  enough  wuz  we  that  we  did  ;  why,  in  all  our 
trips  almost  waterproofs  wuz  neccessary  compan 
ions  ;  for  short,  quick  showers  would  descend  upon 
us  at  any  time  seemin'ly,  and  then  pass  away  jest  as 
quick. 

Three  showers  come  up  that  very  day,  but  two 
on  'em  took  place  when  we  wuz  inside,  and  the 
third  jest  before  we  got  home  at  night,  so  umbrells 
and  waterproofs  saved  us  from  damage. 

Wall,  we  found  it  wuz  a  beautiful  place,  castle 
and  mansion,  about  half  and  half.  It  stands  in 
well-kep',  handsome  grounds  and  sets  down  in  a 
sort  of  a  valley  amongst  the  hills  which  stands  round 
it,  as  if  proud  on't  and  glad  to  shelter  and  protect  it 
all  they  could. 

Home  of  industrious  talent,  so  hard-workin'  and 
constant  as  to  be  as  good  if  not  better  than 
genius. 

The  mansion  and  all  round  it  is  full  of  relicks  of 
the  past. 

The  big  entrance  hall  is  panelled  with  dark  wood, 
and  all  along  the  cornice  the  different  Coats  of 


MEMORIES   OF   SIR   WALTER   SCOTT.  267 

Arms  of*the  Border  is  painted  in  rich  colors  and 
shields,  on  which  is  this  inscription— 

''These  be  the  coat  armories  of  the  clans  and 
chief  men  of  name  wha  keepit  the  marchys  of  Scot 
land  in  the  auld  tyme  for  the  kynge.  True  men 
were  they,  in  their  defence.  God  them  defendyt." 

Here  you  see  battle-axes  and  breastplates  and 
weepons  of  all  kinds.  Most  all  on  'em  with  a 
tragic  history.  Here  wuz  several  suits  of  armor  : 
one  on  'em  holdin'  a  big  sword  in  its  hand,  captured 
at  Bosworth's  Field.  Another  holds  a  immense 
claymore  took  from  the  battlefield  of  Culloden. 

Josiah  wuz  took  up  with  the  looks  of  that,  and 
he  said  he  wished  he  owned  one,  and,  sez  he,  "  how 
nice  it  would  be  if  I  only  had  a  coat  of  armor  ! 

"  Why,  Samantha,"  sez  he,  "  how  economical ! 
When  a  man  got  one  suit,  he  never  would  have  to 
be  measured  for  another  suit  of  clothes — never  be 
cheated  by  tailors  or  pinched  by  'em.  Cool  in  the 
summer,"  sez  he — "  how  cool  and  good  they  would 
feel  in  dog-days,  when  broadcloth  jest  clings  to  you  ; 
and  warm  in  winter.  The  cold  wind  couldn't  blow 
through  them  collars,"  sez  he,  alludin'  to  the  hel 
mets. 

"  And  then,"  sez  he,  "  when  your  clothes  got 
dirty,  jest  wet  a  towel  and  clean  'em  off — you  could 
do  it  in  half  an  hour,  and  then  they'd  be  good  for  an- 


268  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

other  twenty  years.  I  wonder,"  sez  he,  "  if  I  could 
dicker  with  the  Widder  Scott  for  one  of  them 
suits  ?  Scott'll  never  wear  'em  agin,"  sez  he. 


"WHEN  THEY  GOT  DIRTY,  JEST  WET  A  TOWEL  AND  CLEAN  'EM  OFF." 

But  I  hastened  to  set  him  right,  and,  sez  I,"  Scott 
never  wore  one  of  'em.     He  knew  too  much.     How 


MEMORIES   OE   SIR    WALTER   SCOTT.  269 

do  you  spoze,"  sez  I,  "you  could  git  round  and  do 
your  spring' s  work  a-luggin'  round  a  ton  of  old 
iron  ?"  Sez  I,  "  You  couldn't  lift  one  of  the  legs 
on't  with  both  your  hands,  and  how  could  you 
plough  with  one  on  'em  on  ?" 

Sez  Josiah  dreamily — he  wuzn't  hearin'  a  word  I 
said— 

11  If  I  could  git  it  cheaper  without  that  head 
piece,  I  might  use  our  coal  scuttle."  Sez  he,  "  I  be 
lieve  its  shape  is  more  stylish.  Oh  !"  sez  he,  "what 
a  excitement  I  would  make  a-walkin'  into  the 
Jonesville  meetin'-house  with  the  hull  thing  on  ! 
how  stylish  and  uneek  it  would  be  ! 

"Where  is  the  Widder  Scott?"  sez  he;  "I'll 
tackle  her  about  it." 

Sez  I,  "  She's  with  her  noble  husband  in  a  land 
where  style  and  folly  have  no  home." 

And  then  with  deep  argument  I  made  him  see 
that  a  suit  of  armor  was  not  suitable  for  farm  work 
or  meetin'-house  duties. 

But  he  gin  it  up  reluctant,  and  at  the  last  he  sez 
— "  How  it  would  clank  and  rattle  as  I  passed  round 
the  contribution  plate — how  all  the  other  deacons 
would  open  their  eyes  !" 

But  I  silently  led  him  away  to  where  there  wuz  a 
suit  of  Scott's  clothes,  the  last  ones  he  wore. 

And  I  had  a  very  large  variety  of  emotions  as  I 


2/O  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

looked  on  the  clothes  that  had  wropped  round  the 
magician  who  had  the  power  to  charm  the  hull 
world  with  his  magic  pen.  My  emotions  drownded 
out  the  talk  of  the  guide  and  the  remarks  of  Mar 
tin  and  Josiah.  And  on  one  side  of  the  fireplace 
stood  the  famous  mistletoe  trunk,  as  it's  called, 
that  poor  Genevra  hid  herself  in  on  her  weddin' 
night.  The  Baron's  daughter,  you  know,  the  one 
that  her  Pa  called  ''The  star  of  that  goodly  com 
pany,"  meanin',  I  spoze,  that  she  looked  better 
than  any  of  the  rest  of  the  young  folks  that  he'd 
invited  in  to  the  weddin'.  Poor,  pretty,  young 
creeter  !  I  wuz  always  dretful  sorry  for  her. 

You  know  what  she  said  to  Lovell,  the  young 
feller  she  wuz  married  to  (he  worshipped  the  very 
ground  she  walked  on). 

"  I  am  weary  of  dancing  now,  she  cried  ; 
Here  tarry  a  moment,  I'll  hide,  I'll  hide  ; 
And,  Lovell,  be  sure  thou'rt  the  first  to  trace 
The  clue  to  my  secret  hiding-place." 

And  you  probble  remember  how  the  crazed 
young  bridegroom,  and  the  old  Baron,  and  all  the 
rest  of  the  weddin'  guests  hunted  for  the  pretty, 
young  creeter  all  night  and  all  day,  and  f6r  weeks 
and  months  and  years — all  in  vain,  in  vain. 

Till  at  last,  when  Lovell  (poor,  broken-hearted 
creeter  !)  wuz  a  old  white-headed  man,  a  old  chest 


MEMORIES   OF   SIR   WALTER   SCOTT.  2/1 

wuz  found  in  the  castle,  and  they  see,  on  liftin'  up 
the  led— 

"  A  skeleton  form  lay  mouldering  there 
In  the  bridal  robes  of  the  lady  fair. 
Oh,  sad  was  her  fate  !     In  sportive  jest 
She  hid  from  her  lord  in  the  old  oak  chest ; 
It  closed  with  a  spring,  and  her  bridal  bloom 
Lay  withering  there  in  a  living  tomb. 
Oh,  the  mistletoe  bough  ! 
Oh,  the  mistletoe  bough  !" 

But  I  don't  have  any  idee  that  it  wuz  the  mistle 
toe  that  caused  the  trouble.  I  spoze  that  it  would 
have  been  jest  the  same  if  it  had  been  red  cedar 
hung  up  there,  or  dog-wood. 

It  wuz  more  likely  a  lack  of  common  sense  and 
lookin'  ahead.  Genevra  ort  to  tried  the  lock  and 
see  how  tight  the  led  shet  down,  and  had  a  little 
forethought  afore  she  got  into  it. 

But  poor,  young  creeter !  I  don't  spoze  she 
thought  of  anything,  only  jest  her  light-hearted  hap 
piness  and  gayety,  and  wuz  carried  away  by  the 
thought  of  foolin'  Lovell  a  little  and  havin'  a  good 
time. 

Poor,  pretty  young  thing,  how  she  must  have  felt 
when  the  realizin'  sense  come  to  her  that  she  wuz 
trapped  in  a  death-trap,  and  should  never  see  the 
light  of  day  agin,  and,  what  wuz  worse,  should  never 
see  the  light  of  love  a-shinin'  in  her  Lovell's  eyes  ! 


2/2  SAMAXTIIA    IN    EUROPE. 

Oh,  dear  me  !  I  wiped  my  eyes  as  this  heart- 
searchin'  thought  come  to  me — what  if  it  had  been 
my  Tirzah  Ann.  And  I  couldn't  help  thinkin'  that 
it  would  be  jest  like  Tirzah  to  be  ketched  in  that  way. 
Maggie,  my  son's  wife,  would  have  looked  at  the 
ketch  before  she  let  the  led  down,  and  she'd  never 
wrinkled  up  a  long  white  dressin  that  contracted  place. 

But  I  am  indeed  a-eppisodin'  and  to  resoom. 

The  entrance  hall  and  the  rooms  leadin'  out  of  it 
are  jest  as  Mr.  Scott  left  'em,  and  that  made  me 
feel  curous  as  a  dog  to  look  round  me,  and  I 
meditated  and  eppisoded  to  extreme  lengths,  to 
myself  mostly. 

The  library  is  a  large  and  handsome  room,  lined 
with  books,  twenty  thousand  in  all.  And  under 
neath  its  deep,  big  winders  runs  the  river  Tweed. 

How  many  times,  when  he  got  tired  of  writin' 
down  his  rushin'  thoughts,  did  Walter  stand  and 
lean  up  aginst  the  winder,  and  look  down  into  the 
rushin'  river  ! 

I  leaned  up  aginst  the  side  of  the  winder  where 
he  had  leaned,  and  on  lookin'  down,  I  see  that  the 
river  wuz  still  a-flowin'  along  jest  the  same.  But 
the  eager,  active  mind  wuz — where? 

The  dead  water,  with  no  soul,  rushed  and  flowed 
on  ;  the  rocks  couldn't  stop  it — no,  it  made  a  leap 
downward  and  flowed  on  more  free  and  placider. 


MEMORIES   OF   SIR  WALTER   SCOTT.  2/3 

And  I^ez  to  myself — "  Death's  rocky  portals  is 
jest  the  same  ;  after  the  leap  down  into  the  oncer- 
tainty — the  darkness,  it  goes  on  in  the  Certainty 
and  the  Light,  fuller  and  freer  than  ever." 

I  didn't  say  anything  of  these  thoughts  to  my 
pardner.  He  wuz  a-lookin'  round  at  one  thing  and 
another,  and  not  havin'  the  deep  feelin's  that  I  had, 
as  I  could  see. 

But  Al  Faizi  wuz  a-lookin'  down  into  the  water 
or  at  the  beautiful  landscape  from  another  winder. 
And  I'll  bet  if  I'd  atted  him  about  it  his  idees  would 
have  been  congenial  to  mine  and  inspirin'.  I  jedged 
so  from  the  looks  of  his  liniment. 

But  I  knew  he  didn't  care  about  talkin'  much,  so 
I  restrained  my  tongue. 

The  rest  on  'em  wuz  a-prowlin'  round  and 
a-lookin'  at  relicks — priceless  ones,  some  on 'em — and 
I  methought  to  myself  volumes  as  I  looked  on  'em. 

The  clock  of  Marie  Antoinette  wuz  there — what 
hours,  what  hours  that  clock  ticked  off  for  Marie  ! 

And  then  there  wuz  the  inkstand  of  Lord  Byron 
—and  what  black,  gloomy  ink  and  sometimes 
kinder  nasty,  that  poor  creeter  dipped  his  pen  in  a 
good  deal  of  the  time — but  lofty  and  riz  up,  too,  at 
times,  very. 

And  then  there  wuz  two  gold  bees  took  from 
Napoleon's  carriage — what  bees  buzzed  and  hummed 


274 


SAMANTHA   IX    EUROPE. 


in  his  ambitious  brain  as  the  carriage  whirled  him 
on  !  Then  there  wuz  a  crucifix  that  belonged  to 
Mary,  Queen  of  Scots  ;  most  probble  held  elost 
to  her  poor,  frightened  heart  as  the  pretty  creeter 
walked  away  to  have  her  head  cut  off. 

A  miniature  portrait  of  Prince  Charlie,  a  box 
from  Miss  Edgeworth,  a  purse  made  by  Joanna 
Baillie,  a  little  case  from  Miss  Martineau,  a  snuff 
box  of  George  IV.,  and  lots,  and  lots,  and  lots  of 
relicks  from  Egypt  and  Italy  and  everywhere  else. 
But  I  d'no  as  I  see  any  from  Jonesville.  But 
oversights  will  take  place,  and  contrary  temps  will 
occur. 

Wall,  in  the  armory  we  see  bows,  and  arrers,  and 
spears,  and  muskets,  and  rifles.  A  musket  that  be 
longed  to  Rob  Roy,  a  sword  gin  by  Charles  ist  to 
the  Marquis  of  Montrose,  a  pair  of  pistols  that  be 
longed  to  the  ist  Napoleon,  found  after  the  battle 
of  Waterloo.  Poor  creeter,  how  he  must  have  felt ! 
No  wonder  he  lost  'em  !  James  VI.  hunting  flask, 
the  key  of  old  Tolbooth  prison.  And  then  we  see 
thumb-screws,  and  a  gag  for  scoldin'  wives — I  looked 
on  that  with  scorn. 

But  Josiah  jest  peered  and  squinted  at  it,  and 

walked  all  round  it,  and  took  out  a  piece  of  string 
out  of  his  pocket  and  tried  to  measure  it,  and 
I  sez,  "  What  on  earth  are  you  a-doin'  ?" 


I   NEVER    SHOULD    THINK 
OF    USIN'    IT." 


MEMORIES   OF   SIR    WALTER   SCOTT.  2/5 

"  Wallf"  sez  he,  "  I  believe  I  could  make  one 
of  'em  after  I  got  home,  with  a  little  of  Ury's 
help." 

"What  do  you  want  of  one,  Josiah  Allen  ?"  sez  I 
coldly. 

"  Oh,  nothin',  nothin'  in  the  world,  only  I  thought 
it  would  be  uneek  to  own  one.  I  never  should 
think  of  usin'  it,"  sez  he,  as  I  looked  still  more 
stonily  at  him. 

"  I  should  think  not !"  sez  I,  and  my  axents  wuz 
about  the  temperture  of  five  ice  suckles. 

But  after  we'd  all  turned  away  and  wuz  a-lookin' 
at  other  relicks,  I  see  him  furtively  apply  that  string 
to  it,  and  mark  down  the  dimensions  on't  in  his  ac 
count  book. 

I  d'no  what  under  the  sun  the  man  wuz  a-thinkin' 
on,  and  I  don't  believe  he  did. 

Wall,  we  wandered  round  through  the  rooms  for 
a  long  time,  I  with  memories  a-walkin'  tight  to  my 
side — what  a  host  of  'em  wuz  a-follerin'  me  of  them 
shadow  shapes- 
Sweet  Ellen  Douglas,  and  Ivanhoe,  and  Rebecca, 
Marmion,  Rob  Roy,  Guy  Mannering,  Rosamond, 
Nigel,  the  Wild  Huntsman,  Meg  Merrilies,  etc., 
etc.,  etc. 

Oh,  what  a  crowd  of  phantoms,  and  what  differ 
ent  lookin'  creeters  they  wuz  that  wuz  a-walkin'  up 


276  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

and  down  that  room  with  me,  onbeknown  to  Josiah 
and  the  rest ! 

And  what  curous  words  they  wuz  a-pourin'  out 
into  my  ears — words  that  I  only  could  hear — some 
on  'em  wuz  in  poetry— 

"  Charge,  Chester,  charge — 
On,  Stanley,  on"- 

or — 

"Oh,  mother,  mother,  what  is  bliss, 

Oh,  mother,  what  is  bale — 
Without  my  lover,  what  is  Heaven  ? 
And  with  him,  what  were  Hell?" 

And  noble,  practical  idees,  and  solemn,  historical 
ones  wuz  a-soundin'  in  my  ears.  And  riggers  of 
noble  knights  and  heroes  and  fair  ladies  wuz  by 
my  side,  up  and  down  the  room  they  walked  with 
me  and  in  and  out. 

Some  of  the  picters  on  the  walls  of  the  different 
rooms  wuz  dretful  interestin' — drctful.  The  one  on 
'em  that  gin  my  heart  and  mind  the  deepest  shock 
wuz  the  head  of  poor  Mary,  Queen  of  Scots,  said 
to  have  been  took  a  few  hours  after  her  execution. 
The  mournful,  noble  beauty  of  that  white,  still  face 
gin  me  feelin's  I  couldn't  express,  and  I  didn't 
try  to. 

It  seemed  as  if  the  home  where  her  soul  had  so 


MEMORIES    OF    SIR    WALTER    SCOTT.  2// 

lately  sojourned  had  a  dignity  and  peace  gin  it, 
a-flowin'  out  from  the  seens  that  soul  wuz  a-beholdin' 
after  it  had  cast  off  the  tribulations  and  persecutions 
of  earth. 

It  wuz  a  dretful  interestin'  picter  to  me. 

Then  there  \vuz  Charles  XII.  of  Sweden,  Charles 
II.  and  Cromwell,  and  lots  of  picters  by  Turner 
and  other  great  artists. 

The  house  from  top  to  bottom  WTUZ  full  to  over- 
fknvin'  with  objects  of  interest.  I  could  have  stayed 
there  for  days  and  not  seen  half,  but  Time  and 
Martin  wuz  a-hastenin'. 

And  we  went  from  there  to  Dryburgh  Abbey,  to 
see  the  spot  where  Scott  wuz  buried. 

We  see  his  tomb  and  the  place  where  his  ances 
tors  are  buried.  His  son-in-law,  Mr.  Lockhart,  who 
wrote  Scott's  biography,  is  buried  here. 

In  Dryburgh  Abbey  we  see  the  winder  where  the 
White  Maid  of  Avenal  ust  to  appear. 

But  she  didn't  appear  to  us,  much  as  I'd  loved  to 
seen  her  (right  there  in  broad  daylight,  with  my 
pardner  with  me). 

The  Abbey  is  said  to  be  hanted,  mebby  by  them 
who  have  been  imprisoned  and  tortured  in  the 
dungeons  onderneath. 

There  are  holes  in  the  walls  where  the  hands  of 
prisoners  were  held  by  heavy  wedges. 


278  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

It  don't  seem  right  to  have  a  meetin'-house  used 
to  torture  folks  in,  and  so  I  told  Josiah, 

But  he  said  that  he  didn't  know  about  it  ;  he 
thought  once  in  awhile  it  would  do  good  to  jest 
pinch  Deacon  Garvin's  thumb  a  little,  to  make  him 
do  right,  or  to  make  Deacon  Bobbett  come  to  terms, 
when  he  got  too  rambunktious  to  business  meetin's 
and  wanted  his  own  way. 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "or  to  make  Deacon  Josiah  Allen 
more  willin'  to  give  to  charitable  objects." 

His  liniment  fell. 

"Oh,  the  Charitable  Object  has  more  done  for 
him  than  I  do,  they're  always  raisin'  money  for 
him." 

That  wuz  his  favorite  mode  of  puttin'  off  from 
givin'  to  charity. 

"And,"  sez  I,  "you  see  from  Loyola  and  Crom 
well  down  to  Josiah  Allen  the  carnal  mind  wants 
to  punish  somebody  else  for  doin'  suthin'  different 
from  what  you  want  'em  to  do." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "I  wonder  if  Martin  hain't  a-goin' 
back  ?  I  believe  it's  a-goin'  to  rain,  and  you  ort  to 
have  sunthin'  to  eat,  Samantha.  It  worries  me  to 
have  you  see  so  much  on  an  empty  stumick." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  for  his  thoughtfulness  touched  me, 
"some  dinner  would  taste  good." 

Sez  he,  in  a  low,  thrillin'  voice- — "  Samantha,"  and 


MEMORIES   OF   SIR   WALTER   SCOTT.  279 

tears  wu&  almost  in  his  eyes  as  he  spoke,  "  imagine 
I  am  in  the  barn  door,  and  the  smell  of  roast 
chicken,  and  baked  potatoes,  and  lemon  puddin', 
and  cream  biscuit  floats  out,  a-wroppin'  you  all 
round,  as  you  are  a-standin'  in  the  back  door  a-call- 
in'  me  in  to  dinner.  As  you  stand  there  a-lookin' 
perfectly  beautiful,"  sez  he. 

Agin  my  heart  wuz  touched,  and  sez  I,  "  And 
roses  under  the  winders,  and  voyalets,  and  the 
blossomin'  trees,  and  the  new-mown  grass  in  the 
orchard  a-smellin'  sweet  as  the  scent  comes  in  on 
the  warm  south  breeze." 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  and  the  good,  rich  coffee,  and 
cream  cheese,  and  honey,  and  things." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "  and  after  dinner  we  could  set 
down,  and  set  there  as  long  as  we  wanted  to." 

"I  wouldn't  stir  in  over  three  days!"  sez  he, 
"  not  an  inch  from  my  good  old  rockin'-chair. 

4<  But,"  sez  he,  with  a  deep  sithe,  "  them  days  wuz 
too  happy  to  last." 

"  No,"  sez  I,  "  Providence  permitting  we  will  see 
agin  the  cliffs  of  Jonesville  ;  and  home  never  seemed 
so  sweet  as  it  will  when  troubles  and  toil  and 
foreign  travel  is  all  past,  and  our  two  barks  are 
moored  once  more  in  our  own  peaceful  door-yard." 

"  Never  to  be  onmoored !"  sez  he,  with  a  almost 
fierce  mean.  And  my  own  longin'  heart  and  achin' 


28O  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

back  and  tired-out  eyeballs  gin  a  deep  assent  to 
his  remarks. 

Sweet,  sweet  is  the  fruits  of  foreign  travel,  but 
lofty  and  precipitus  are  the  thorny  branches  it  hangs 
on,  and  wearin'  in  the  extreme  is  the  job  of  pickin' 
'em  offen  foreign  fields  and  bringin'  'em  home  in 
our  mind  basket. 

And  happy  are  they  who  carry  'em  back  fresh 
and  hull  and  sound — some  folks  carry  'em  home  in 
a  sort  of  a  jell  or  a  jam — dretful  mixed  up  and  pro- 
miscus  like. 


CHAPTER   XV. 


OLD    YORK    AND    ITS    CATHEDRAL. 

WALL,  as  we  got  back  to  Edinburgh  it  was  on  the 
first  edge  of  the  evenin',  and  I  had  the  chance  of 
hearin'  a  real  Scotch  ministrel ;  not  one 
of  them  bagpipes  of  theirn,  which  sounds 
perfectly  awful  to  me,  but  which  Josiah 
wuz  dretful  took  with  (of  which  more 
anon),  but  this  man  had  a  violin,  or  fid 
dle,  and  sung  in  a  sweet,  high  voice  some 
of  the  best  ballads  of  the  country. 

I  shed  tears  and  wept  to  hear  some  on 
'em. 

"  Scots  wha  hae  wi'  Wallace  bled." 

And    "Auld   Joe    Nickleson's    Bonnie 
Nannie." 

My  heart  sort  o'  listened  as  I  hearn  the 
words.  I  had  hearn  our  Tirzah  Ann  sing 
'em  in  the  melancholy  stillness  of  a  June  j() 
evenin',  when  through  the  open  winder  the 
distant  sounds  of  the  frogs  and  the  tree-tuds  would 
come  in  from  the  cedar  swamp,  fur  off,  and  the 
moonlight  throw  all  over  her  and  the  organ  the 
long  shadders  of  the  mornin'-glories. 


SI  AH     WUZ     DRETFUL 
TOOK   WITH    IT. 


282  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

This  is  one  of  the  verses— 

"  There  is  mony  a  joy  in  this  world  below, 

But  sweet  are  the  hopes  that  to  sing  were  uncanny  ; 
But  of  all  the  joys  I  aer  hae  known, 

There  is  nane  like  the  love  of  my  Bonnie  Nannie  ; 
Oh  my  Nannie,  my  sweet  little  Nannie, 
My  dear  little  niddlesome,  noddlesome  Nannie. 
There  naer  was  a  flower, 
In  garden  or  bower, 
Like  auld  Joe  Nickleson's  bonnie  Nannie." 

And  then  he  sung  "John  Anderson,  my  Jo, 
John,"  and  my  mind  onconsciously  reverted  to  my 
beloved  pardner,  as  he  sung  words  tellin'  how  he 
looked— 

"When  they  were  first  acquent." 

And  then — 

"John  Anderson,  my  Jo,  John, 

We  clamb  the  hill  thegither, 
And  mony  a  canty  day,  John, 

We've  had  wi'  ane  anither  : 
Now  we  maun  totter  down,  John, 

But  hand  in  hand  we'll  go  ; 
And  sleep  thegither  at  the  foot, 

John  Anderson,  my  Jo." 

There  wuzn't  hardly  a  dry  eye  in  my  head  as  I  heard 
it,  and  I  looked  round  to  see  how  my  Josiah  wuz 
a-takin'  it. 


OLD    YORK   AND    ITS   CATHEDRAL.  283 

But  right  behind, that  sweet  singer  wuz  a  man 
with  a  bagpipe,  and  after  the  melodious  warbler  had 
moved  away  he  piped  up,  right  under  our  winder, 
that  screechin',  awful  sound  ;  and  Josiah's  attention 
wuz  all  took  up  with  him. 

And  there  wuz  a  distant,  dreamy  look  to  my 
pardner's  eyes  as  he  gazed  onto  him,  of  which  I  did 
not  git  the  full  meanin'  till  bime-by — of  which  more 
anon. 

After  we  had  had  our  supper  and  had  gone  to 
our  room  Adrian  come  a-runnin'  in  and  told  us  that 
a  company  of  Scotch  soldiers  wuz  marchin'  through 
the  place  on  their  way  to  Sterling. 

So  we  quickly  made  our  way  out  onto  a  balcony, 
where  we  could  git  a  good  view  of  'em,  with  their 
short  kilt  skirts,  bare  legs,  plaid  stockin's,  and 
feathers.  If  it  hadn't  been  for  their  whiskers  and 
mustaches,  you'd  most  thought  they  wuz  wimmen. 

Sez  Alice,  "  Oh,  how  picturesque  they  look  ! 
don't  they  ?" 

And  I  sez,  "  More  picturesque  than  comfort 
able  !"  Sez  I,  "  What  clothes  them  must  be  to  wear 
into  a  battle-field,  or  to  pick  rosberrys  in !  What 
would  hender  thorns  and  bullets  from  stickin'  right 
into  them  bare  legs  ?" 

Sez  I,  "They  don't  use  no  reason  ;  we  see  to-day 
that  they  ust  to  dress  in  iron  all  over,  when  they 


284  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

ust  to  go  into  battle,  but  now  they  go  half 
naked." 

Sez  I,  "Oh,  the  beauty  of  megumness  !  They 
wore  too  much  in  old  times,  and  now  not  enough, 
which,  I'll  bet,  their  cold  legs  would  testify  to,  if 
they  could  speak  up." 

As  I  said  of  the  bagpipes — but  more  anon. 

It  wuz  that  night,  jest  as  I  wuz  preparin'  my 
body  for  rest,  that  Josiah's  dreamy  study  a-lookin' 
at  the  bagpipes  become  manifest.  I  see  my  com 
panion  foldin'  up  two  handkerchiefs  kinder  queer 
and  a-measurin'  'em  by  his  arm,  and  anon  kinder 
layin'  his  jack-knife  between  'em,  and  actin'. 

And  I  sez,  "What  are  you  a-doin',  Josiah 
Allen  ?" 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "I  wuz  a-thinkin'  of  makin' a 
bagpipe." 

"  Out  of  two  handkerchiefs  !"  sez  I  mockin'ly. 

"  No  ;  I  wuz  jest  a-layin'  out  the  work  and  gittin' 
a  view  of  its  nater  ;"  sez  he,  "I  wuz  a-layin'  out  to 
use  two  bags." 

"  Bags  ?"  sez  I. 

"Yes,  meal  bags,"  sez  he;  "take them  bags,  and 
dip  'em  into  starch  to  stiffen  'em,  and  the'n  paint 
and  varnish  'em,  and  there  you  are  as  fur  as  the 
wind  is  concerned  ;  the  music,"  sez  he,  "  I  believe 
could  be  rigged  up  some  way  with  a  mouth-organ 


OLD    YORK   AND    ITS    CATHEDRAL. 


285 


or  sunthin',  or  mebbe  our  old  accordeun  ;  fix  the 
bags  onto  both  ends  on't  and  then  draw  'em  out, 
or  shet  'em  up,  with  wind  accordin'. 

"  What  a  sensation  it  would  create  in  Jonesville  ! 
How  it  would  stir  the  people  up !"  sez  he. 

"  And  I  might  on  occasions,  on  4th  of  July  and 
sech,  wear  the  Tarten  costume.  I 
could  take  that  old  plaid  overskirt  of 
yours,  Samantha,  it's  dressy,  you 
know — red  and  green— cut  it  off  a 
little  above  my  knees,  and  my  own 
red  stockin's  would  look  all  right. 
And  the  old  rooster  would  furnish 
very  stylish  feathers — I  should  look 
beautiful  !  And  of  course,"  sez  he, 
"  I  should  sing  with  it." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "your  rumatic  old 
knees  would  look  beautiful  bare  nak 
ed,  and  them  bags  and  accordeun, 

and  your   singin'  would  empty    Jones-  "WHAT  A  SENSATION  IT  WOULD 
•  n  111  CREATE  IN  JONESVILLE!" 

ville  as  soon  as  a  cyclone  would,  or  a 
water-spout."     And,    in    the    name  of    duty,  I   said 
further,    "Your    singin'    is  like    thumb-screws    and 
gullotines,    and   with   that   bagpipe  added,  it  would 
cry  to  Heaven  !" 

"There  it  is  !  there  it  is  !"  sez  he  !   "  throw  cold 
water  on  it." 


286  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

"  Better  that,"  sez  I,  "  than  the  hot  water  you 
would  be  deluged  with  if  you  should  try  it  in 
public.  Nobody  would  stand  it,  and  you'd  find  it 
out  they  wouldn't  without  scaldin'  you." 

Wall,  from  Edinburgh  Martin  said  that  we  would 
start  for  London,  and  so  we  took  the  train  goin' 
south  and  sot  off  in  the  early  mornin'  and  in  pretty 
good  sperits. 

We  only  made  one  stop  on  our  way  to  London, 
and  that  wuz  at  York — the  quaint,  old,  walled 
city,  in  which  Americans  take  an  interest  on  account 
of  their  own  New  York  bein'  named  after  it. 

Our  New  York  is  some  younger — about  seven 
teen  hundred  years  younger,  and  that  is  a  good  deal 
of  difference  between  a  Ma  and  a  young  child.  But, 
then,  it  hain't  common  to  have  the  youngster  about 
twenty  times  bigger  than  its  Ma. 

Wall,  we  went  to  a  good  tarvern  and  recooperated 
a  little  durin'  the  night  from  the  fatigues  of  travel, 
and  the  next  mornin'  bright  and  early  \ve  sot  out 
to  see  the  sights  of  the  city,  knowin'  that  our  stay 
there  wuz  to  be  but  short. 

Martin  engaged  a  guide,  though  he  didn't  often 
want  one,  sayin',  as  he  did,  that  he  felt  that  he  wuz 
so  familar  with  history  and  all  those  places  that  a 
guide  was  "  an  unnecessary  outlay  and  a  drug." 

But  bein'  in  a  hurry  to  git  on  to-day,  we  went  first 


OLD    YORK    AND    ITS    CATHEDRAL.  287 

to  see  the^great  wall  that  has  stood  for  centuries,  and 
seems  able  to  stand  quite  a  number  more  of  'em.  I 
got  out  of  the  carriage  and  laid  my  hand  on  the 
wall,  feelin'  that  it  would  be  a  satisfaction  to  put  my 
hand  on  the  stun. 

Josiah  said,  "That  looks  foolish,  Samantha  ;  you 
have  never  tried  once  to  put  your  hand  on  to 
the  stun  wall  between  our  paster  and  Deacon 
Gowdy's." 

"  But,"  sez  I,  "  that  wall  has  never  been  looked 
upon  by  Adrian  and  Constantine  the  Great ;  it 
has  never  been  trod  by  Britons,  Picts,  Danes,  and 
Saxons,  each  on  'em  a-warrin'  for  and  defendin'  their 
native  land." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  our  wall  is  a  crackin'  good  one." 
Josiah  looked  kinder  scorfin'  at  me  for  my  enthoo- 
siasm,  but  I  didn't  mind  it  any. 

And  Martin,  seein'  my  enthoosiasm,  and  though  he 
didn't  share  it,  not  at  all,  he  asked  me  if  I  didn't  want 
to  go  up  and  walk  on  the  great  wall — which  I  did. 
So  we  had  the  carriage  stopped  at  one  of  the  gates, 
and  he  and  I  and  Alice  and  Al  Faizi  went  up  and 
walked  on  the  parapets. 

And  I  probble  had  as  many  as  70  or  80  emotions 
as  I  felt  that  eight-foot  wall  under  my  feet  and 
looked  up  at  the  solid,  round  watch-towers,  with 
narrer  slits  in  the  stun,  for  arrers  to  be  shot  out  of 


288  SAMANTHA    IN   EUROPE. 

onto   the  enemies,  and  way  up  above  'em  the  little 
turrets  for  the  sentinuls  to  look  out. 

I  wonder  how  that  sentinul  felt  there  on  cool 
moonlight  nights  twelve  or  fourteen  hundred  years 
ago — I  wonder  what  century  old  grief  or  pain  hanted 
his  lonely  heart  through  the  night-watches — Love, 
Hope,  mebby  they  lightened  his  lonely  watch  jest 
as  they  do  in  1900. 

Tenny  rate,  the  same  sun  and  moon  looked  down 
on  him,  and  Love  and  Hope  is  as  old  as  they  be — as 
old  as  the  world. 

Al  Faizi,  I  believe,  had  a  sight  of  emotions,  too. 
He  stood  still  and  looked  off  with  a  dreamy  look 
on  his  face. 

Martin  thought  the  stun  wuz  good  and  solid, 
and  might  be  utilized  for  buildin'  depots  and 
grain  elevators  and  sech. 

Alice  looked  good-natered  and  didn't  say  much. 

Josiah  wuz  a-makin'  a  cat's  cradle  with  Adrian 
when  we  went  back  to  the  buggy.  And  I  told  him 
I  didn't  see  how  he  could  be  a-playin'  with  weltin' 
cord  at  sech  a  time  as  this,  when  he  could  see  this 
wall. 

And  he  sez,  "  Dum  it  all  !  mebby  you  wouldn't 
take  so  to  stun  walls  if  you  had  broke  your  back, 
and  got  so  many  stun  bruises  as  I  have  a-layin' 
'em." 


OLD    YORK    AND    ITS    CATHEDRAL. 


289 


"  Wali,"  sez  I  soothin'ly,  u  do  jest  as  you  feel,  Jo- 
siah.  But  I  wouldn't  have  missed  the  sight  for  a 
dollar  bill." 

Yes,  it  rousted  up  sights  of  emotions  in  me. 

Another  thing  that  endeared  York  to  me  :  here 
in  this  city  wuz  Christmas  celebrated 
for  the  first  time  by    King    Arthur, 
fourteen  hundred  years  ago. 

I  don't  spoze  he  ever  gin  a  thought 
at  that  time  of  what  a  train  of  tur 
keys,  Christmas  presents,  trees,  plum 
puddin's,  bells,  *  stockin's,  Santa 
Clauses,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  would  f oiler 
on  his  wake.  But  it  wuz  a  good 
idee,  and  he  wuz  quite  a  likely  creeter 
—buildin'  up  the  meetin'-housen  the 
Saxons  had  destroyed. 

Wall,  we  thought  we  would  leave 
the    Cathedral,  or  Minster,   as  they 

Call    it    for    the    last.       And    anon    we      THAT    SENTINUL    TWELVE    OR 

T  n  ...      FOURTEEN    HUNDRED    YEARS    AGO. 

see  a  almost    endless  procession  of 

anteek  gate-ways,  and  housen,  museums,  churches, 

the    ruined  cloisters    of    St.    Leonard    founded  by 

Athelstane  the   Saxon,  and  the  ruiris  of  St.  Mary's 

Abbey,    with    its  old    Norman    arch  and  shattered 

walls. 

But  from  most  every  part  of  the  city  where  we 


290  SAM  ANT  HA   IN    EUROPE. 

might  be  we  could  see  the  Cathedral,  towerin'  up 
above  us,  some  like  a  mountain  of  sculptured  turrets 
and  towers.  And  anon  we  found  ourselves  within 
its  walls,  and  its  magnificent  and  grand  beauty  al 
most  struck  us  dumb  with  or. 

The  guide  said  that  it  wuz  the  most  gorgeous  and 
beautiful  in  the  world.  But  I  considered  it  safe  to 
add  a  word  to  his  description,  which  made  it  one  of 
the  most  gorgeous  and  magnificent  cathedrals  in 
the  world — and  that  I  spoze  is  true. 

It  wuz  about  two  hundred  years  a-buildin',  and  I 
don't  believe  there  is  a  carpenter  in  Jonesville  that 
could  have  done  it  a  day  sooner.  Seth  Widrick  is 
a  swift  worker  on  housen,  but  I  believe  Seth  would 
have  been  a  week  or  two  over  that  time  at  the 
job. 

The  guide  said  that  it  wuz  500  and  24  feet  long, 
and  250  feet  broad — 24  feet  longer  than  St.  Paul's 
Cathedral  in  London,  and  145  feet  longer  than 
Westminster  Abbey,  and  the  most  magnificent  min 
ster  in  the  world.  The  greatest  beauty  of  the  hull 
interior  is,  I  spoze,  the  immense  east  winder.  Im 
agine  a  great  arched  winder  75  feet  high  and  30  feet 
broad  all  aglow  and  ablaze  with  the  most  magnifi 
cent  stained  glass.  A  multitude  of  saints,  angels, 
priests,  etc.,  all  wrought  in  glass,  the  colors  of 
which  are  so  soft  and  glowin',  so  harmonious,  that 


OLD    YORK   AND    ITS    CATHEDRAL.  29 1 

they  carut  be  reproduced  in  this  day  by  the  most 
cunnin'  workmen  ;  the  secret  is  lost. 

This  winder  is  known  as  The  Five  Sisters  ;  the 
pattern  bein'  took,  it  is  said,  from  embroideries 
these  maiden  wimmen  made. 

Josiah  said,  when  the  guide  mentioned  it,  "  Good 
for  the  old  maids  !  they  done  well." 

But  as  I  looked  upon  that  marvellous  poem  of 
glowin'  color,  I  felt  beyend  words,  but  I  could  still 
think.  And  I  thought  proudly  of  the  exquisite 
work  my  sect  had  wrought,  and  I  wuz  glad  for  the 
moment  that  I  too  wuz  a  woman  ;  and  though  seven 
hundred  years  lay  between  them  noble  sisters  and 
myself,  yet  I  felt  that  our  hearts,  our  souls,  touched 
each  other  in  that  pleasant  day  of  1895. 

Wall,  Passin'  Time  and  Josiah  tore  me  away 
from  the  contemplation  of  that  glory,  that  wonder, 
that  delight — unequalled,  I  believe,  in  the  hull 
world. 

And  at  Martin's  request,  for  he  said  that  he  should 
be  asked  about  it  probble,  and  would  wish  to  be 
prepared  with  answers,  we  went  out  on  a  little  stun 
platform  or  bridge  outside,  from  which  we  had  a 
view  of  the  hull  glowin'  interior — a  vista  of  leafy 
gothic  arches,  and  sculptered  columns,  more'n 
five  hundred  feet  in  length,  and  at  the  end  the  great 
west  winder,  with  the  riggers  of  the  eight  earliest 


292  SAMAXTIIA    IN    EUROPE. 

Archbishops  of  York,  and  to  keep  'em  company, 
eight  saints  and  other  figgers. 

All  seemin'ly  a-standin'  in  the  glowin'  light  took 
from  the  most  gorgeous  western  sunset.  They  wuz 
put  up  about  five  hundred  years  ago,  and  I  can't 
begin  to  describe  the  beauty  and  richness  of  colorin', 
and  design,  nor  Josiah  can't. 

There  wuz  lots  of  other  winders,  too,  that  would 
be  remarkable  anywhere  else.  And  among  'em  wuz 
one  over  the  entrance  that  they  called  the  Mary- 
gold  winder,  circles  of  small  arches  in  the  form  of  a 
wheel,  the  color  of  which  makes  it  look  some  like 
that  flower. 

Though,  as  Josiah  well  said — "  Nobody  ever  hearn 
before  of  a  marygool  thirty  feet  acrost." 

In  the  vestries  we  see  some  historical  relicks.  One 
of  the  oldest  is  the  great  Saxon  Drinkin'  Horn,  by 
which  the  church  holds  valuable  estate  near 
York. 

The  old  chieftain,  Ulphus,  knelt  at  the  altar  and 
drinked  out  of  the  horn,  and  by  this  act  gave  to 
the  church  all  his  land,  housen,  etc.,  etc.,  givin'  to 
the  fathers  this  horn  as  a  title-deed. 

Josiah  wuz  dretful  took  up  with  it,  and  vowed 
that  he  would  save  the  horns  from  the  next  beef 
creeter  he  killed  and  make  out  his  next  deed  with  it. 

"  So  strong  and  safe,"  sez  he  ;  "  no  '  whereasis  '  and 


OLD    YORK   AND    ITS    CATHEDRAL.  293 

4  to  wits*and  '  namelys,'  and  runnin'  up  to  a  stake, 
and  back  agin,  to  wit." 

Sez  he,  "  It  would  be  a  boon  to  git  rid  of  all  that 
nonsense.  That  would  use  up  one  horn,  and  then 
1  might  make  my  will  with  the  other.  I  could  will 
you  all  my  property  with  it,  Samantha,  and  then  we 
could  both  drink  root-beer,  or  sunthin',  and  you 
could  jest  keep  the  horn,  and  there  would  be  no 
way  to  break  the  will.  2d.  Wives  have  lots  of 
trouble,  but  how  could  anybody  break  it,  Samantha, 
when  you  had  the  horn  locked  up  in  the  tin  chest  ?" 

It  wuz  thoughtful  in  him,  and  showed  a  deep 
kindness  to  me,  but  I  felt  dubersome  about  it. 

Then  there  wuz  another  drinkin'  cup  presented 
by  Archbishop  Scrope.  But  it  wuz  bigger  than  I 
love  to  see — I  am  afraid  that  Mr.  Scrope  drinked 
too  much.  But  as  he  had  his  head  cut  off  in  1405, 
I  couldn't  labor  with  him  about  it. 

Then  there  wuz  the  chair  in  which  the  Saxon 
kings  wuz  crowned.  And  a  old  Bible  presented 
by  King  Charles  II.,  and  one  gin  by  Charles  1st. 
A  old  communion  plate  500  years  old  and  oak 
chests,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

When  we  looked  at  the  communion  plate  Josiah 
nudged  me,  and  sez  he,  "  Don't  that  make  you  think 
of  she  that  wuz  Sally  Ann  Plenty  ?"  Sez  he,  "  You 
know  she  bought  a  old  communion  service  once 


294  SAMAXTIIA    IN    EUROPE. 

because  she  could  git  it  fora  little  or  nothin'."  Sez 
he,  "  That  wuz  the  same  day  that  she  bought  a 
crosscut  saw,  and  a  box  of  gloves  4  sizes  too  big 
for  her,  and  wore  'cm  with  the  ends  of  the  fingers 
a-hangin'  down,  jest  as  if  they  wuz  onjointed." 

Sez  I,  "  I  lush  !  This  is  no  place  to  bring  up  sech 
worldly  and  foolish  eppisodes." 

Wall,  Martin  clim  up  into  the  Lantern 
Tower,  two  hundred  and  thirteen  feet 
high,  for  he  said  that  he  would  wish  to 
say  that  he  had  been  there. 

But  Al  Faizi  wuz  the  most  took  up  with 
lookin'  at  the  monuments  in  the  Cathe 
dral.  They  wuz  beautiful  in  the  extreme, 
and  some  on  'em  wuz  saints,  some  on 
'em  Archbishops,  but  the  most  on  'em 

WITH  THE  ENDS  OF  THE 

FINGERS  A-HANGIN'       wuz  riz  up  to  men  who  had  made  them 
selves  famous  by  killin'  lots  and   lots   of 
folks — some   in  England,  some    in   Russia,    and    in 
India,  and  in  Burmah,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

As  I  stood  in  front  of  them  bloody  records,  and 
meditated  that  a  common  murderer,  who  had  only 
killed  one  or  two  men,  couldn't  never  git  a  statute, 
but  it  wuz  those  that  killed  hundreds  and  thousands 
who  had  'em  built  through  foreign  lands,  and  my 
own  native  country — as  I  wuz  a-meditatin'  on  this 
and  a-considerin'  on  how  the  more  a  man  killed  the 


OLD   YORK   AND    ITS   CATHEDRAL.  295 

higher  his  monument  wuz  riz  up,  and  the  nigher  he 
wuz  buried  to  saints,  I  see  Al  Faizi  take  out 
that  little  book  with  the  cross  on't  and  write 
down  quite  a  lot — what  it  wuz  I  d'no,  but  I  pre- 
soom  it  wuz  good  writin'.  His  idees  are  congenial 
to  mine,  very. 

And  then  another  place  where  I  see  Al  Faizi 
a-writin'  down  quite  a  lot  in  that  book  of  hisen  wuz 
at  Clifford's  Tower,  in  the  castle  enclosure,  where 
two  hundred  Jews  were  masicreed  in  1490.  From 
what  the  guide  said,  I  made  out  as  follows  :  When 
the  Crusaders  got  back  from  fightin'  the  Infidels 
they  wuz  kinder  mad  to  see  that  the  Jews  wuz  bet 
ter  off  than  they  wuz — had  better  clothes,  more 
money,  etc. — so  they  begun  to  kill  'em  off. 

There  wuz  so  many  fightin'  Christians  the  Jews 
couldn't  defend  themselves,  so  they  come  to  the 
castle  with  their  wives  and  children.  And  all  the 
soldiers  in  York  come  to  help  the  Crusaders  kill  the 
Jews.  And  when  the  poor  Jews  found  that  they 
couldn't  stand  it  any  longer,  they  did  jest  as  the  ! 
Rabbi  told  'em. 

They  killed  the  wives  and  children  that  wuz  left, 
to  keep  'em  from  fallin'  into  the  hands  of  their 
persecutors,  and  sot  fire  to  the  castle,  and  then 
killed  themselves,  so's  they  shouldn't  burn  to  death. 

This    massicre    of    these    onoffending   Jews    by 


296  SAMANTHA    IN   EUROPE. 

Christians  wuz  one  of  the  most  barbarous  acts  that 
ever  took  place  on  earth.  Lots  of  folks  now  have 
their  souls  massicreed  in  the  same  way — out  of  envy 
and  jealousy. 

I  d'no  what  Al  Faizi  writ  in  his  book  as  he 
looked  at  this  place  where  this  dretful  deed  wuz 
done  in  the  name  of  Religion.  But  his  face  wuz  a 
sight  to  see  as  he  writ — solemn  and  awful  ;  not 
mad,  but  sunthin'  of  the  expression  of  the  Avengin' 
Angel,  or  as"  I  mistrust  he  would  look — dretful 
sorry,  but  sot,  awful  sot. 

Wall,  we  went  back  to  the  tarvern  and  got  a 
good  dinner,  and  I  laid  down  for  a  nap — I  wuz  clean 
used  up. 

When  I  waked  up  it  \vuz  sunset,  and  Josiah  sot 
by  the  little  casement  with  the  panes  of  glass  about 
four  inches  big,  a-readin'. 

And  I  asked  him  if  Martin  laid  out  to  go  to 
London  in  the  mornin',  and  he  said  that  he  guessed 
he  did.  "  But,"  sez  he  with  a  tone  of  regret 

"  I  did  want  to  visit  Scarborough  ;  there's  no 
need  hurryin'  so  to  London,"  sez  he. 

"Who  and  what  is  Scarborough  ?"  sez  I  in  a 
weary  axent  as  I  got  up  and  wadded  up  my  back 
hair. 

"  Why,  it  is  the  fashionable  waterin'-place  of 
England,"  sez  he;  "it  is  only  a  little  more  than 


OLD    YORK    AND    ITS    CATHEDRAL.  297 

forty  milcls  away,"  sez  he;  ''we  could  go  jest  as 
well  as  not,  and  it  would  be  so  genteel.  I  would," 
sez  he,  a-smoothin'  out  the  folds  of  his  dressin'-gown, 
and  bringin'  the  tossels  forred  in  a  more  sightly 
place — "  I  would  love  to  mingle  in  fashionable 
circles  once  more,  Samantha." 

I  looked  down  at  his  old  bald  head  in  silent  dis- 
aprobation.  He  wuz  too  old  to  hanker  after  fash 
ion  and  display,  and  too  bald,  and  I  knew  it. 

But  I  knew  that  I  could  not  make  him  over, 
after  he  had  been  made  so  long — no,  I  should  have 
to  bear  up  the  best  I  could  under  his  shortcoming. 

But  I  sez  mekanically,  and  to  git  his  idees  off— 
"  I  would  kinder  love  to  visit  Whitby,  Josiah  ;  that 
hain't  much  further  away,  and  that  is  where  all  the 
most  beautiful  jet  is  made.  I  thought  like  as  not 
that  you  would  want  to  buy  me  a  handkerchief  pin, 
Josiah  Allen." 

He  looked  injured,  and  sez  he,  "  Where  is  the 
black  pin  you  mourned  in  for  Father  Smith  ?"  His 
tone  wuz  sour  and  snappish  in  the  extreme. 

Sez  I,  "  That  pin  wuz  broke  over  twenty  years 
ago." 

4 'Wall,"  sez  he,  "I  can  glue  it  together  with 
Ury's  help,  or  we  could  tie  it  up,  so's  it  would  be 
jest  as  good  as  a  new  one.  It  don't  come  to  any 
strain  on  your  collar,"  sez  he  anxiously. 


298  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

"  No,  Josiah  ;  but  I  shouldn't  like  to  wear  a  pin 
that  you  and  Ury  had  con  toggled  up.  But  let  it 
pass,"  sez  I  ;  "I  can  do  without  it,  if  my  com 
panion  don't  think  enough  of  me  right  here  in  the 
headquarters  of  black  breastpins  and  beads  to  buy 
me  anything." 

My  tone  touched  him.  He  sez — "  I'd  look 
round  and  see  about  it,  but  I  hain't  no  time,  for 
we've  got  to  be  a-pushin'  right  on  to  London  ;  if 
we  ever  lay  out  to  git  home  agin  we've  got  to  be 
on  the  move." 

I  didn't  say  nothin'  only  what  my  liniment  spoke, 
and  anon  he  sez— 

"If  worst  come  to  worst,  Ury  and  I  could  make 
you  a  crackin'  good  one  out  of  coal.  All  of  this 
jet  in  Whitby  is  made  out  of  coal.  And  how  much 
less  it  would  cost — we  could  make  you  a  hull  set 
in  one  evenin' — earrings  and  all." 

I  gin  him  one  look,  and  that  wuz  all  the  argu 
ment  that  I  would  dane  to  waste  on  the  subject. 

Alice  kinder  wanted  to  go  to  Robin  Hood  Bay, 
which  wuz  not  far  from  Scarborough.  She  said 
that  she  would  love  to  see  the  place  where  the  hero 
of  Sherwood  Forest  had  lived  once — the  bold  out 
law  who  took  from  the  rich  with  one  hand  and 
gave  to  the  poor  with  the  other. 

But    her   Pa  laughed    at    her    for    believin'  that 


OLD    YORK   AND    ITS   CATHEDRAL. 


299 


there  ever  wuz  sech  a  man,  or  if  there  wuz,  he  wuz 
nothin'  but  a  common  robber,  who  deserved 
hangin'. 

I  believe  Martin  would  favor  drivin' 
Santa  Glaus  out  of  the  country  and 
killin'  his  reindeers.  His  imagination 
hain't,  I  really  believe,  not  much  bigger 
than  a  pea— not  a  marrowfat  one,  but  a 
common  field  pea. 

So  Martin  decided  at  first  that  we 
would  go  direct  to  London,  but  finally 
he  concluded  to  go  a  little  out  of  our 
way  to  visit  the  estate  of  the  Duke  of 
Devonshire — the  grandest  home  in  Eng 
land.  And  he  wanted  to  stop  a  little 
while  at  Sheffield  on  business — property 
matters,  I  spoze,  or  mebby  he  wanted  to  buy  a 
jack-knife — I  d'no  what  his  business  wuz. 

I  knew  he  could  git  a  good  jack-knife  here,  for 
they've  been  makin'  knives  and  sech  right  here  for 
five  or  six  hundred  years. 


CHAPTER    XVI. 

EDENSOR    AND    THE    DUKE    OF    DEV(  )\STIIRE. 

So  anon  we  found  ourselves  in  the  smoky,  grimy, 
dirty  city.  A  heavy  black  cloud  seemed  to  hang 
overhead,  seemin'  to  shade  the  hull  spot  ;  but  then 
I  didn't  want  to  lay  it  up  agin  'em,  for  I  knew  we 
had  our  own  cities,  that  had  to  set  down  under  a 
cloud  of  smoke  jest  as  they  did — Pittsburg,  and 
others,  etcetery. 

I  can't  say  that  I  took  sech  a  sight  of  comfort 
here  in  Sheffield,  but  Josiah  and  Martin  seemed  to 
enjoy  themselves  a-goin'  round  and  seein'  all  they 
could. 

Martin  said  it  wuz  a  sight  to  see  how  perfectly 
each  workman  did  his  work,  and  how  faithful  they 
wuz  to  their  employers  ;  he  said  he  wished  he  had 
sech  men  to  work  for  him. 

And  it  wuz  curous  to  think  on.  As  nigh  as  I 
could  make  out,  generations  of  one  family  would 
work  on  and  on,  a-workin'  at  one  part  of  a  jack- 
knife,  for  instance,  a-keepin'  right  on — a  grandpa, 
and  his  son,  and  his  .son's  son,  and  etcetery — all 
contented  and  industrious  and  awful  handy,  as  they 


EDENSOR  AND  THE  DUKE  OE  DEVONSHIRE. 


would  naterally  be,  _a-workin'  on  at  one  thing  year 
after  year,  year  after  year  ;  mebby  a-makin'  a  rivet 
to  put  into  a  handle  of  a  knife. 

It  stands  to  reason  that  they  would  learn  to  do  it 
well  after  workin'  at  the  same  thing  over  and  over 
for  hundreds  of  years.  And  these  workmen  seemed 
to  be  sot  on  doin'  jest  the  best 
work  that  they  could,  and  stay  right 
on  in  the  same  place. 

"  And,"  sez  Josiah,  "  I  wonder  if 
Ury's  boy  and  grandson  and  great- 
grandson  will  be  willin'  to  keep 
right  on  workin'  for  me  ?" 

Sez  I,  "  Do  you  expect  to  out 
live  Ury's  grandson,  Josiah  Allen  ?" 

Sez  he,  "They  did  in  Bible 
times."  Sez  he,  "  I  wouldn't  be 
nigh  so  old  then  asMethusler,"  and 
he  went  on — "  I  use  my  help  as 
good  agin  as  they  do  here.  If  I 
should  put  Ury  to  work  in  sech  a  dark,  dirty,  on- 
handy  place  as  these  workmen  have,  he'd  kick  in 
a  minute  and  leave  me  ;  but  here  they  \vork,  gener 
ations  of  'em,  all  in  one  place." 

Sez  I  feelin'ly,  "  I  wish  I  could  git  sech  a  gener 
ation  of  hired  girls  ;  but  no  sooner  duz  an  American 
housekeeper  git  a  hired  girl  broke  in,  so  she  can 


IT  DON'T  PAY  TO  TUSSEL  WITH  'KM. 


302  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

bile  a  potato  decent,  or  make  a  batch  of  bread, 
than  off  she  trapes  somewhere  else  to  better  herself. 
It  don't  pay  to  tussel  with  'em,"  sez  I. 

"  Wall,"  sez  Josiah,  "  you  ort  to  go  into  some  of 
these  factories  ;  it  is  a  sight  to  see  how  perfect 
everything  is  done.  One  part  of  a  knife,  for  in 
stance,  done  in  one  house,  and  then  another  house 
doin'  another  part,  and  then  another  another,  and 
every  part  done  jest  as  well  as  it  can  possibly  be." 

And  then  Josiah  went  on  about  that  wonderful 
knife  they  make  here,  with  a  new  blade  added  for 
every  year. 

And  bein'  we  wuz  alone,  and  I  hadn't  nothin' 
else  on  my  mind,  I  moralized  some,  and  sez  I— 

"  Old  Fate  is  makin'  her  knife  pretty  stiddy,  and 
seems  to  add  a  new  blade  every  year  for  us  to  cut 
our  feelin's  on,  and  jab  ourselves  with." 

And  sez  I,  "  They  don't  hurt  any  the  less  because 
we  dig  the  metal  ourselves  and  shape  the  sharp 
blades  with  our  ignorant  hands,  not  knowin'  what 
we're  a-workin'  on,  and  some  on  'em,"  sez  I, 
"  handed  down  from  foolish,  ignorant  workmen  who 
have  gone  before — queer  !"  sez  I,  "  passin'  queer  !" 

"Yes,"  sez  Josiah,  "it  wuz  quite  a  sight ;  Martin 
and  I  enjoyed  it. 

"  But  the  drinkin'  here  in  Sheffield,"  sez  Josiah, 
"is  sunthin'  dretful  to  witness."  Sez  he,  "I 


EDENSOR  AND    THE   DUKE   OF   DEVONSHIRE.        303 

thought  we  had  drinkin'  habits  in  America,  but  I 
never  see  nothin',  nor  I  don't  believe  anybody 
else  did,  to  compare  with  some  of  the  places  we 
visited  to-day.  Why,"  sez  he,  "  it  would  do  a 
W.  C.  T.  U.  good  to  jest  look  at  'em." 

"  Good  ?"  sez  I  sternly. 

"  Wall,  yes,"  sez  he  ;  "  it  would  set  'em  to  kinder 
soarin'  and  wavin'  them  banners  of  theirn  and  talk- 
in' — you  know  jest  how  they  love  to  talk,"  sez  he. 

Sez  I,  "You  better  stop  right  where  you  are." 
Sez  I,  "  Do  you  realize  that  you  are  talkin'  about 
your  pardner  ?" 

"Wall,  yes,"  sez  he;  "  that's  what  I  wuz  kinder 
figgerin'  on — Heaven  knows  you  love  to  talk,  you 
can't  dispute  that." 

I  wouldn't  dane  to  argy  with  him. 

But,  indeed,  it  wuz  a  sight  to  walk  through  some 
of  the  low,  dingy,  filthy  streets,  with  saloons  on 
every  side  flauntin'  their  brazen  signs,  and  men  and 
wimmen  with  bloated,  sodden  faces,  that  strong 
drink  had  almost  changed  into  the  faces  of  ani 
mals. 

The  same  sin — the  same  useless,  needless  sin, 
parent  of  all  other  vices — jest  as  bad  on  this  side  of 
the  Atlantic  as  in  Jonesville  and  America,  and 
worse. 

I    left  it  there  a-performin'  and  cuttin'  up,  and  I 


304  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

found  it  here  actin'  jest  the  same.  You'd  think 
after  crossin'  the  Atlantic  it  would  git  sobered  up  a 
little — seein'  so  much  water  and  everything. 

But   it   hadn't.      It   wuz  jest  the  same  reelin',  dis 
graceful,  foolish,  leerin',  bloated  Shame- 
Jest  as  bad  in   Sheffield  as  it  wuz  in  Jonesville 
and  Chicago,  and  worse. 

It  wuz  enough  to  melt  a  stun  with  pity,  and 
make  hard  eyes  weep  with  sorrer  and  Hash  with  a 
righteous  indignation,  at  the  Nations  that  don't 
devise  some  means  of  wipin'  out  this  gigantic 
cause  of  wickedness,  woe,  and  want. 

They  can  connect  worlds  together  with  chains  of 
lightnin',  they  can  make  roads  through  the  earth 
and  on  top  of  it,  and  in  all  ways ;  then  why  can't 
they  keep  a  man  from  drinkin'  a  tumbler  full  of 
whiskey?  They  could  if  they  wanted  to,  and  all 
put  in  together. 

Wall,  wuzn't  it  a  change  to  leave  this  smoky, 
grimy  city  and  find  ourselves  in  the  open,  beau 
tiful  English  country,  and  in  the  most  beautiful 
part  of  it,  too  ? 

We  went  by  railroad  to  Matlock  Bath,  and  from 
there  went  in  a  carnage  to  the  little  village  of 
Edensor,  the  loveliest  little  village  I  ever  sot  eyes 
on.  Its  housen  are  all  built  in  some  quaint,  beau 
tiful  style  of  architecture,  and  it  looks  like  a 


EDENSOR  AND  THE  DUKE  OF  DEVONSHIRE.   305 

picter,  and  a  great  deal  handsomer  than  lots  of 
picters  I've  seen — chromos  and  sech. 

This  village  belongs  to  the  Duke  of  Devonshire, 
and  is  on  his  estate,  which  is  the  finest  in  England, 
and  I  guess  on  this  hull  earth. 

And  I  d'no  whether  they've  got  any  on  any  other 
planet  that  goes  ahead  on't.  Mebby  Jupiter  has, 
but  I  don't  really  believe  it. 

Why,  jest  its  pleasure  park — the  door-yard,  as 
you  may  say — has  two  thousand  acres  in  it. 

This  estate,  known  as  Chatsworth,  is  twelve 
milds  from  Edensor,  and  nobody  could  describe  the 
beauty  of  the  landscape  all  about  us  as  we  passed 
onwards. 

As  we  went  acrost  a  corner  of  this  immense 
door-yard,  through  the  most  beautiful  pieces  of 
woodland,  and  the  verdant  slopes  covered  with 
velvety  sward,  great,  beautiful  pheasants  and  herds 
of  deer  would  look  round  at  us  and  then  walk  off, 
not  a  mite  afraid,  fearless  as  they  will  be  if  they're 
used  well.  Anon  we  would  ketch  a  glimpse  of 
some  enchantin'  vista,  with  herds  of  contented 
cattle,  makin'  picters  of  themselves  aginst  the  back 
ground  of  green  grass  and  noble  trees  centuries  old. 

From  a  little  hill  top  we  could  see  twelve  milds 
in  every  direction,  and  not  a  foot  of  land  that  this 
man  didn't  own. 


306  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

Twelve  milds !  the  idee !  It  seems  more'n  he 
ort  to  have  on  his  mind. 

Anon  we  reached  a  beautiful  stun  bridge,  de 
signed  by  Michael  Angelo,  and  crossin'  the  little 
river,  went  up  to  the  great  iron  and  gilt  entrance 
gates. 

Martin  sent  his  card  in  to  somebody  that  takes 
care  of  the  premises,  I  guess  (and  how  he  dast  to 
ask  any  favors  of  this  gorgeous-dressed  creeter  in 
knee-breeches,  I  d'no,  but  he  did,  bold  as  brass), 
and  word  come  back  that  we  could  look  over 
the  place,  and  one  of  the  hired  men  wuz  sent 
to  go  with  us  and  show  us  round.  It  wuz  well 
he  come ;  we  should  have  got  lost,  sure  as  the 
world.  But  lost  in  sech  a  place — sech  a  place ! 
Why,  I'd  read  the  Arabian  Nights  quite  a  good 
deal,  and  a  considerable  number  of  fairy  stories 
about  enchanted  castles,  and  sech.  But  never  did 
I  ever  hear,  in  a  book,  or  out  on't,  of  sech  mag 
nificence  as  I  see  here. 

First  we  went  through  a  great  courtyard  into 
the  splendid  entrance  hall,  seventy  feet  long  if  it 
wuz  a  inch;  the  wall  and  ceilin's  ornamented  with 
frescoes,  all  representin'  the  life  and  death  of 
Caesar.  We  went  up  a  majestic  staircase,  with  all 
the  richly  ornamented  columns  and  statutes  it  need 
ed  for  its  comfort,  and  more,  too,  it  seemed,  though 


EDENSOR   AND    THE    DUKE    OF    DEVONSHIRE.         307 


they    wuz-  beautiful  rbeyend  tellin' ;   and    here    we 
went  into  the  State  Apartments  of  the  house. 

I  spoze  they  are  called  State  Apartments  because 
in  every  room  there's 
enough  of  beauty  and 
grandeur  to  supply  a 
hull  State,  if  it  wuz 
scattered  even,  and  I 
don't  mean  Rhode 
Island  either,  but  New 
York  and  Maine  and 
sech  sizable  ones. 

Why,  every  one  of 
these  lofty  ceilin's  is 
painted  with  p  i  c  t  e  r  s 
handsome  enough  for 
the  very  handsomest 
handkerchief  pin,  if  they 
wuz  the  right  size.  The 
hired  man  told  us  what 
some  of  the  picters 
represented — Aurora  (and,  oh,  how  beautiful  Au 
rora  wuz !),  and  one  wuz  the  "Judgment  of 
Paris." 

I  hadn't  no  idee  before  that  Paris  jedgment  wuz 
so  perfectly  beautiful ;  I  spozed  it  wuz  kinder  triflin'. 
They  seemed,  as  fur  as  I  could  make  out,  to  be 


MARTIN  SENT  ins  CARD  IN. 


3O8  SAM  ANT  II A    IN    EUROPE. 

a-samplin'  apples — lovely  creeters  they  wuz  that  wuz 
standin'  round. 

And  then  there  wuz  u  Phaeton  in  the  Chariot  of 
the  Sun." 

It  didn't  look  a  mite  like  our  phaeton — fur  more 
magnificent. 

Room  after  room  opened  into  each  other,  all  dif 
ferent  as  stars  differ  from  each  other,  but  every  one 
full  of  glory  ;  all  full  of  the  treasures  of  every  land 
—Persia,  Egypt,  and  every  other. 

The  hired  man  drawcd  our  attention  to  the  pres 
ents  of  kings  and  princes,  and  all  the  rare  objects  of 
art  and  virtue. 

But  I  sez,  "  As  fur  as  virtues  is  concerned,  I  d'no 
as  kings  would  be  any  more  apt  to  git  hold  of  'em 
than  common  men,  or  so  apt,  but,"  sez  I,  "  call  'em 
perfectly  beautiful,  and  I  agree  with  you." 

In  them  magnificent  and  immense  rooms  are  pic- 
ters  by  Landseer,  Holbein,  Salvator  Rosa,  Raphael, 
Rubens,  Claude  Lorraine,  Correggio,  Hogarth, 
Titian,  Michael  Angelo,  etc.  A  great  many  \vith 
the  autographs  of  the  painters — priceless,  absolutely 
beyend  price,  are  these  works  of  art. 

And  if  I  should  talk  a  week,  I  couldn't  describe  all 
the  beautiful  objects  we  see  there,  so  valuable  that 
one  on  'em  would  make  a  man  rich. 

In  one  room  wuz  a  clock  of  gold  and  malachite— 


EDENSOR   AND    THE    DUKE    OF    DEVONSHIRE,         309 

a  present  from  the  -  Emperor  Nicholas,  worth  a 
thousand  guineas,  and  a  broad,  shinin'  table  of  one 
clear  sheet  of  transclucent  spar,  and  a  great  table  of 
clear  malachite.  I'd  be  glad  to  git  enough  of  it  for 
an  earring  for  Tirzah  Ann. 

In  one  room  we  see  a  picter  by  Holbein  of 
Henry  VIII.,  and  a  rosary  belongin'  to  him.  I 
wondered  as  I  looked  on't  what  that  poor,  misguided 
creeter  ust  to  pray  about  as  he  handled  them 
beads.  He  couldn't  want  any  more  wives  than  he 
had,  it  seemed  to  me.  Mebby  he  wuz  a-wishin' 
some  of  the  time  that  he  wuz  back  with  Katharine, 
that  noble  creeter  \vho  said— 

"Weep,  thou,  for  me  in  France,  I  for  thee  here  ; 
Go  count  thy  way  with  sighs,  I  mine  with  groans." 

And  when  they  had  that  lawsuit  of  theirn  (he  gittin' 
after  another  woman,  and  wantin'  to  git  rid  of  her), 
after  he'd  bought  off  the  jedge,  Katharine  sez  to 
Henry — liftin'  her  right  arm  up  towards  Heaven— 
"  There  sits  a  Jedge  no  king  can  corrupt." 
Noble,  misused  creeter  !  I'll  bet  if  them  beads 
could  have  told  \vhat  wuz  said  over  'em,  they  would 
have  said  that  Henry  thought  of  her,  his  lawful  wife, 
when  his  memory  wuz  sick  of  recallin'  Anne 
Boleyn,  Anne  of  Cleves,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 
But  to  resoom. 


310  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

We  see  the  bed  that  George  1 1.  died  in.  The  chairs 
and  footstools  used  by  George  III.  and  his  queen. 
And  the  two  chairs  used  by  William  IV.  and  Queen 
Adelaide  at  their  coronation.  And  then  we  see  the 
most  beautiful  tapestry  that  ever  wux  made,  and 
busts  and  statutes.  Richly  colored,  priceless  old 
china  filled  the  splendid  cabinets  inlaid  with  finest 
mosaic  work — in  fact,  the  hull  length  of  these  rooms, 
openin'  into  each  other  so  that  you  could  see  their 
hull  length  of  550  feet,  wux  full  of  the  most  costly 
and  beautiful  objects  man  ever  made. 

The  oak  floor  wux  polished,  and  shone  like  a 
mirror. 

The  library  wux  one  hundred  feet  long  of  itself, 
with  columns  risin'  from  floor  to  ceilin'  and  a  gallery 
runnin'  round  it,  and  two  more  openin'  out  of  it, 
with  alcoves  of  Spanish  mahogany,  these  full  of 
picters  by  Landseer  and  others,  and  medallions,  etc., 
etc.,  etc.,  and  full  of  the  choicest  literature  of 
every  land. 

And  then  there  wux  a  private  chapel  that  went 
ahead  of  any  meetin'-house  I  ever  see  or  ever  expect 
to,  all  marble  and  spar  and  wonderful  wood-carvin's, 
and  picters  from  the  old  masters  filled  it  full  of  beauty 
and  glory.  Faith  and  Hope  wux  there  all  carved 
out  beautiful,  so's  you  could  see  'em  right  before 
you,  as  well  as  feel  'em  in  your  heart. 


EDENSOR  AND  THE  DUKE  OF  DEVONSHIRE.    311 

*> 

In  the  sculptor  gallery  is  the  most  wonderful 
treasures,  busts  and  statutes  and  mosaics,  relicks 
from  every  land  and  age,  and  beautiful  riggers,  al 
most  alive,  by  Canova,  Powers,  Thorwaldsen,  Gib 
son,  Bartolini,  etc.,  etc.  Some  \vuz  presented  by 
emperors  and  kings,  and  some  on  'em  bought  by 
the  Duke  and  his  folks.  The  hull  room,  one  hun 
dred  feet  long,  is  full  of  the  rarest  treasures  that 
can  be  collected  ;  it  made  my  brain  fairly  reel  be 
neath  my  best  bunnet  to  see  the  wealth  of  glory 
and  beauty,  and  Al  Faizi  turned  away  from  it  a 
spell  and  looked  thoughtfully  out  of  the  win 
der. 

But  I  see  that  here,  too,  wuz  a  picter  that  no 
artist  could  reproduce,  and  so  it  wuz  in  every  win 
der  that  you  could  look  out  of.  A  green,  velvety 
lawn  a  hundred  feet  wide  and  over  five  hundred  long, 
bordered  by  most  beautiful  colored  flowers,  and  out 
of  another  winder  you  could  see  the  velvety  slopes, 
with  walks  and  river  and  bridge,  and  way  off  the 
noble  trees  and  terraces,  one  risin'  above  another, 
all  full  of  beautiful  plants  and  shrubs.  And  in  the 
centre  from  the  top  down,  hundreds  of  feet,  wuz  a 
great  flight  of  stun  steps,  thirty  feet  wide,  down 
which  flows  and  sparkles  a  sheet  of  \vater,  reflectin' 
in  its  mirror-like  surface  all  the  white  statutes  on  its 
margin,  till  it  reaches  the  edge  of  the  broad  gravel 


SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

walk,  when  it  disapears  right  down  into  the  earth  and 
flows  off  in  some  eurous,  underground  way  to  the 
river. 

Josiah  wuz  all  rousted  up  when  he  see  this,  and, 
as  is  the  way  of  my  dear,  ardent-souled  companion, 
he  tore  a  page  out  of  his  account-book,  and  begun 
to  make  calculations  on't. 

And  I  sez  with  a  sithe — "What  are  you  a-fig- 
gerin'  on  now,  Josiah  Allen  ?" 

"Oh!  I'm  plottin' out  a  lovely  addition  to  the 
beauty  of  our  home,  Samantha — I'm  a-plannin' 
sunthin'  so  uneek  and  fascinatin'  that  it  will  make 
the  Jonesvillians  open  their  eyes  in  astonishment 
and  or." 

"  What  is  it  ?"  sez  I. 

"I'm  a-plannin'  on  how  we  can  have  a  waterfall 
on  our  back  doorsteps."  Sez  he,  "  I  hain't  seen 
anything  so  perfectly  beautiful  and  strikin'  as  this 
sence  I  come  to  the  Old  Country,  and  we  can  have 
one  jest  as  well  as  not.  You  know  our  back  steps 
are  quite  high,  and  how  beautiful  they  would  look 
with  the  sparklin'  water  flowin'  down  'em — how  re- 
freshin'  it  would  be  in  hot  weather  to  have  a  water 
fall  right  on  your  own  doorsteps,  and  set  in  the 
open  back  door,  right  on  its  banks,  as  it  were,  and 
hear  the  murmur  of  the-  water,  and  see  it  a-glidin' 
down  towards  the  smoke-house.  We  might  have  it 


3 H  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

dissapear,"  sez  he,  "between  the  smoke-house  and 
the  ash-barrel." 

"  Where  would  you  git  your  water  ?"  sez  I 
coldly. 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  a-holdin'  up  the  paper  with  quite 
a  lot  of  figgers  and  marks  on  it,  "  I  figgered  it  out 
that  we  might  have  a  pipe  go  from  the  kitchen 
pump,  cut  a  little  hole  in  the  thrasholt  to  let  it  go 
in,  and  there  you  would  be." 

"And  did  you  lay  out,"  sez  I  in  frigid  axcnts, 
"to  have  me  stan'  there  a-pumpin'  all  day  to  supply 
your  waterfall  ?" 

His  mean  begun  to  fall  a  little — it  had  been  tri 
umphant- —  and  he  sez  kinder  meachin'  —  "You 
have  to  throw  out  your  dish-water  anyway,  and  you 
might's  well  throw  it  on  the  steps  as  to  throw  it  in 
the  dreen." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "a  fountain  a-runnin'  dish-water 
would  be  a  beautiful  spectacle,  wouldn't  it,  Josiah 
Allen  ? 

"  I  guess  it  would  astonish  the  eyes  of  the  Jones- 
villians,  and  their  noses,  too  !" 

"  I  didn't  mean  that !"  he  hollered  quite  loud. 

"  What  did  you  mean,  then  ?"  sez  I. 

He  agin  murmured  sunthin'  about  the  pump, 
the  cistern,  and  the  old  mair. 

And  I  sez,  "That  poor  old  mair  agin!"     Sez   I, 


EDENSOR   AND   THE   DUKE   OF   DEVONSHIRE.        315 

"  If  I  hadn't  broke  it  up,  that  mair  wouldn't  live 
three  days  after  we  got  home,  with  all  you'd  put  on 
her,  a-apein'  foreign  idees,  Josiah." 

"  I  hain't  been  a-apein',  and  you  know  it !" 

But  I  went  right  on — "  Even  if  you  could  make 
it  work,  how  could  we  git  into  the  house  if  the 
doorstep  wuz  turned  into  a  waterfall  ?" 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  a-lookin'  up  kinder  cross,  "I've 
hearn  lots  of  times  of  havin'  the  bottom  sash  of  a 
winder  hung  on  hinges,  and  goin'  in  and  out  by 
'em." 

"Wall, "sez  I,  "after  you'd  clumb  up  through 
the  buttery  winder  onct  or  twict  with  a  pail  of 
milk  in  both  hands,  I  guess  you'd  git  sick  of  door 
step  waterfalls  !" 

He  see  by  the  light  of  my  calm,  practical  reason- 
in'  that  his  idee  wuz  visionary  and  couldn't  be 
carried  out,  but  he  wouldn't  own  up  to  it — not  he. 

He  jest  jammed  the  paper  down  into  his  vest 
pocket,  and  snapped  me  up  real  sharp  the  next 
words  I  said  to  him. 

He  acted  awful  growety ;  but  I  didn't  care,  I 
knew  I  wuz  in  the  right  on't. 

Wall,  after  goin'  through  the  brightest  and  most 
lovely  garden  you  can  imagine,  you  come  into  a 
place  with  huge  rocks  and  cliffs,  romantic  shrub 
bery,  massive  ledges,  and  a  waterfall  fallin'.  into  a 


316  SAMANTIIA    IN    EUROPE. 

deep,  dark  basin,  caverns,  etc.,  and  as  you  go 
round  a  corner,  you  come  face  to  face  with  a 
huge  rock  that  you  think  must  have  fell  there. 
You  think  you  will  have  to  go  back  ;  but  no  !  Do 
you  think  you  will  have  to  turn  back  for  anything 
in  this  enchanted  place  ?  The  hired  man  touches 
the  rock,  and  it  turns  right  away  and  lets  you 
pass,  and  then  you  see  that  npt  only  is  the  en- 
chantin'  beauty  of  the  place  made,  but  the  rough 
wildness  of  this  spot. 

One  of  the  curous  things  in  this  place  wuz  a 
tree  with  kinder  queer-lookin'  branches,  and  the 
hired  man  touched  it  somewhere,  and  wrater  flowed 
out  of  every  leaf  and  twig,  turnin'  it  into  a  foun 
tain. 

The  conservatory  is  from  one  end  to  the  other 
two  hundred  and  seventy-six  feet  long,  and  broad 
enough  to  drive  through  it  with  a  carriage  and 
four  horses,  so  you  can  imagine  the  wealth  of 
beauty  in  it — orange-trees  full  of  their  glossy  fruit, 
lemon-trees,  feathery  palm-trees  fifty  feet  high, 
bamboos,  cactuses,  bananas,  queer,  broad,  velvety 
leaves  of  every  shape  and  color,  and  all  of  the 
flowers  that  ever  \vuz  hearn  on,  and  never  wuz 
hearn  on,  it  seems  to  me. 

There  are  thirty  other  greenhousen,  all  runnin' 
over  with  beauty  of  various  kinds.  Graperies 


EDENSOR   AND   THE   DUKE    OF   DEVONSHIRE.        317 

seven  hundred  feet  long,  with  the  rich  white  and 
purple  clusters  hangin'  down  in  every  direction. 
Peach  housen,  strawberry  housen,  apricot,  mushroom, 
vegetable  housen,  in  which  every  kind  of  vegetable 
is  raised.  Why,  the  kitchen-garden  and  green- 
housen  covers  twenty  acres.  But  there  is  no  use 
of  talkin'  any  more — like  Niagara,  and  the  World's 
Fair,  you  have  got  to  see  it  to  understand  its  vast- 
ness  and  its  perfect  beauty. 

I  wuz  glad  I'd  seen  it.  I  believe  that  even  Mar 
tin  wuz  kinder  took  down  off  from  the  Mount 
of  Self  Esteem  he  always  sets  on,  as  he  wandered 
through  it. 

He'd  always  prided  himself  quite  a  good  deal  of 
his  home  in  the  city,  and  it  is  palatial  and  grand. 
But  what  comparison  would  it  bear  to  this  ?  Not 

even— 

"  Like  moonshine  unto  sunshine, 
Or  like  water  unto  wine." 

No ;  it  wuz  like  a  small  kerosene  lamp  unto  sun 
shine.  And  he  felt  it,  Martin  did.  He  didn't 
patronize  anybody  for  as  much  as  three  quarters  of 
an  hour  after  he  left  there.  He  give  the  hired  man 
a  good-sized  piece  of  money,  for  I  see  him.  It  wuz 
so  big  that  the  man  turned  fairly  pale,  and  called 
Martin  "Your  Highness."  He  sez — 

"When  will  Your  Highness  return  again?" 


318  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

So  we  come  off  with  flyin'  colors,  after  all. 

Wall,  seem'  that  we  \vuz  so  near,  Martin  thought 
we'd  ride  over  to  Haddon  Hall,  only  a  few  milds 
away.  This  is  one  of  the  fine  old  buildin's  of  the 
Middle  Ages.  It  stands  on  a  rocky  eminence  above 
the  River  Wye  ;  over  the  great  arched  entrance  is 
the  arms  of  the  Vernon  family,  who  occupied  it  for 
three  hundred  and  fifty  years. 

As  we  passed  in  through  a  little  door,  cut  in  one 
of  the  broad  sides  of  the  gates,  we  see,  on  the  rough 
stun  thrasholt,  the  impression  of  a  human  foot, 
wore  there  by  the  innumerable  feet  of  warriors,  pil 
grims,  ladies,  troubadors,  children,  kings,  and  queens, 
for  all  I  know.  Anyhow,  she  who  wuz  once  Smith 
put  her  own  common-sense  shoe  right  into  the 
worn  footprint,  and  stood  there,  kinder  on  one  foot, 
and  had  more'n  eighty-seven  emotions  as  she  did  so, 
and  I  d'no  but  eighty-nine  or  ninety. 

I  had  a  sight,  anyway,  as  we  went  into  the  stun 
courtyard,  ornamented  with  stun  carvin',  into  the 
interior. 

Josiah  didn't  take  to  it  at  all. 

But,  then,  as  I  told  him,  what  could  you  expect 
of  a  house  where  the  folks  had  been  away  for  sev 
eral  hundred  years — any  place  would  look  kinder 
dreary. 

But  he  sez,  "  Dum  it  all  !  when  it  wuz  new,  who'd 


EDENSOR   AND    THE   DUKE   OF   DEVONSHIRE.        319 

like  to  hav^  sech  rough  stun  floors  ?  And  look  at 
that  fireplace  in  the  kitchen,  big  enough  to  roast  a 
hull  ox.  How  could  a  .man  cut  wood  enough  to 
keep  that  fire  a-goin'  ?" 

Sez  I,  "The  man  of  the  house  didn't  have  to  do 
it  at  all,  his  vassals  did  it,  Josiah." 

"  Wall,  he  had  to  tend  to  it,  and  I'd  ruther  do 
the  work  any  time  than  to  keep  a  vassal  a-goin', 
that  is,  any  vassal  that  I  ever  hired  by  the  month, 
or  day." 

But  in  the  great  banquettin'  hall,  with  its  oak 
rafters  and  long  table,  where  they  feasted,  at  one 
end  a  little  higher — for  the  quality,  I  spoze — he 
ketched  sight  of  the  minstrels'  gallery  at  one  end. 
And  sez  he,  his  face  lightin'  up,  "  The  man  of  the 
house  could  git  up  there  and  sing  while  the  rest 
wuz  eatin',  if  he  wanted  to,  and  nothin'  said 
about  it." 

"Yes,"  sez  I  pintedly,  "if  he  could  sing;  but," 
sez  I,  wantin'  to  git  his  mind  off  en  this  unpleas 
ant  theme,  sez  I— 

"  I'd  love  dearly  to  see  this  table  set  out  as  it  ust 
to  be,  and  the  noble  and  beautiful  a-settin'  round  it, 
with  boars'  heads  on  the  table,  and  great 
sides  of  beef,  and  gilded  peacocks." 

"And   jugs  of  ale  and   wine,"   sez 
Josiah. 


;R    COMMON-SENSE    SHOE. 


320  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

But  I  waved  off  that  idee,  but  couldn't  wave  it 
fur,  for  the  beer  cellars  wuz  a  sight  to  behold. 
They  must  have  been  drunk  a  good  deal  of  the  time, 
jedgin'  from  the  accommodations  for  drinkin'. 

Up  the  massive  stun  stairway  we  went  into 
another  big  room,  used  as  a  dinin'-room  by  the  later 
occupants  of  the  Hall. 

Here  over  the  fireplace  are  the  royal  arms,  and 
under  them,  in  old  English  letters,  the  motto— 

"  Drede  God,  and  honor  the  king." 

Goin'  up  six  heavey,  oak,  semicircular  steps,  we 
go  into  the  ball-room,  over  a  hundred  feet  long,  with 
great  bay-winders,  out  of  which  you  see  picters 
more  beautiful  than  any  that  could  be  painted  by 
the  hand  of  man — perfect  landscape  of  quiet 
country,  silvery  stream,  rustic  bridges,  grand  old 
parks,  and  the  spire  of  the  church  from  the  distant 
village  pintin'  up  to  the  blue  sky. 

Then  through  other  rooms  with  Gobelin  tapestry 
on  the  walls,  still  holdin'  skripteral  stories  in  its 
ancient  folds. 

Then  through  other  rooms  that  are  modern  com 
pared  with  the  others,  and  have  been  used  in  the 
present  century.  Here,  agin,  in  one  of  'em  we  see 
Gobelin  tapestry  drapin'  the  State  bed. 

Follerin'  the  guide  through  a  anty-room  we  come 
out  into  the  garden  on  Dorothy  Vernon's  Walk. 


EDENSOR  AND  THE  DUKE  OF  DEVONSHIRE.    321 

Under  th£  tapestry  is  concealed  doors  and  pas 
sages,  as  the  guide  showed  us  by  pushin'  the  folds 
aside,  through  which  many  a  man  or  woman,  drove 
by  Fear  or  Love,  or  some  other  creeter,  had  rushed 
for  refuge  or  secret  meetin'. 

The  garden  of  Haddon  Hall  is  picturesque  and 
beautiful  in  the  extreme. 

Dorothy's  Walk,  shaded  by  noble  old  trees,  leads 
to  the  massive  flights  of  marble  steps,  down  which 
she  hurried  with  beatin'  heart  and  flyin'  steps  to 
meet  her  lover,  Sir  John  Manners,  while  her  friends 
were  merry-makin'  in  another  part  of  the  Hall,  and 
never  dreamed  of  her  flight. 

Haddon  Hall  by  this  means  passed  into  the 
family  of  Rutland,  who  lived  here  till  the  first  of 
this  century.  The  Duke  of  Rutland  keeps  the 
place  in  its  ancient  form,  much  to  the  delight  of 
those  who  love  the  old  ways. 


CHAPTER   XVII. 


JOSIAII     HAS    AN    ADVENTURE. 

WALL,  Martin,  who  sometimes  changes  his 
mind,  but  don't  think  he  duz,  always  a-sayin'  that 
it  shows  weak-mindedness  and  is  a  trait  belongin' 

to  wimmen  (which  I  never 
feel  like  disputin',  knowin' 
that  my  sect  has  in  time  past 
been  kno\vn  to  be  whifrlin'; 
but  so  have  men,  too) — so  it 
didn't  surprise  me  much  when 
he  said  that  instead  of  pro- 
ceedin'  directly  to  the  Lake  Dis 
trict  from  here  he  thought  we 
would  go  first  to  the  home  of  Shakespeare.  Sez 
he: 

"  I  may  be  called  to  London  any  minute  on 
business,  and  I  feel  that  it  will  be  expected  of  me 
to  visit  Shakespeare's  birthplace  anyway." 

Sez  Martin,  with  a  thumb  in  both  vest  pock 
ets,  and  a  benine,  patronizin'  look  on  his  lini 
ment— 

"  Shakespeare  wrote  a  number  of  very  creditable 


A    QUAINT,   OLD  FASHIONED    TARVERN. 


JOSIAH    HAS   AN   ADVENTURE.  323 

productions,  and  though  I  never  had  the  time  to 
spare  from  more  important  things  to  peruse  his 
works — poems,  I  believe,  mostly — yet  I  always  love 
to  encourage  talent.  I  think  it  is  becoming  for  solid 
men,  for  progressive,  practical  men,  to  encour 
age  writers  to  a  certain  extent ;  and  Shakespeare,  as 
I  am  aware,  has  been  very  much  talked  of.  I  would 
be  sorry  to  miss  the  chance  of  saying  to  those  who 
inquire  of  me  that  I  had  been  there,  so  I  believe 
we  will  proceed  there  at  once." 

"Wall,"  I  sez,  "I  shall  be  glad  enough  to  go;" 
and  Al  Faizi  looked  tickled,  too.  He  had  read  him, 
he  said,  in  his  own  country. 

And  sez  he  to  me,  with  his  dark  eyes  all  lit  up, 
"To  read  Shakespeare  is  like  looking  into  clear 
water  and  seeing  your  own  face  reflected  in  it,  and 
earth,  and  mountain  top,  and  over  all  the  Heavens. 
And  it  is  more  than  that,"  sez  he,  "  it  is  looking  into 
the  human  mind  and  reading  all  its  secrets — all  the 
wonder  and  mystery  of  the  soul ;  it  is  like  looking 
at  life,  and  death,  and  eternity." 

He  wuz  dretful  riz  up  in  his  mind  a-talkin'  about 
it,  and  he  quoted  Shakespeare  quite  often  on  our 
way  to  Stratford,  and  always  in  the  right  place,  and 
he  is  generally  so  still,  that  I  see,  indeed,  how  he  felt 
about  him.  Alice  talked,  too,  quite  a  good  deal 
about  Shakespeare.  And  Al  Faizi  listened.  Yes, 


324  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

he  listened  to  Alice — poor  creeter  !  And  everybody 
blind  as  a  bat  but  jest  me. 

Wall,  we  got  there  anon  or  a  little  before,  and  put 
up  to  the  Red  Horse  Inn,  a  quaint,  old-fashioned 
tarvern,  but  where  we  had  everything  for  our  com 
fort,  and  wuz  waited  on  by  as  pretty  a  red-cheeked 
girl  as  I  want  to  see. 

A  sight  of  emotions  wuz  rousted  up  in  me  as  I 
sot  in  that  tarvern,  or  walked  through  its  old-fash 
ioned,  low-ceiled  rooms  and  meditated  on  who  had 
been  under  its  ruff. 

When  rare  Ben  Jonson,  and  Drayton,  and  Gar- 
rick,  and  all  of  Shakespeare's  friends  come  down 
from  London  to  visit  him,  of  course  they  stopped 
here,  and  of  course  Shakespeare  himself  often  and 
often  come  here — mebby  too  often  for  Miss  Shakes 
peare's  feelin's. 

Much  as  I  honor  Shakespeare,  I  have  to  admit 
that  he  did  stimulate  a  little  too  much — but,  then, 
who  hain't  got  their  failin's  ?  Why,  Solomon,  the 
very  wisest  man,  had  more  wives  than  he  ort  to 
had. 

Seein',  I  spoze,  that  we  wuz  Americans,  our  sup 
per  that  first  night  wuz  served  in  Washington 
Irving's  room,  as  they  call  the  room  that  he  occu 
pied,  our  own  genial  wit  and  poet.  Mebby  his 
words  didn't  come  in  rhyme,  but  they  had  the  soul  of 


JOSIAH    HAS   AN   ADVENTURE.  32$ 

poetry,  and  quaint,  sly  wit,  and  good  sense  and  good 
manners  and  everything. 

I  always  sot  store  by  Washington  Irving.  (I 
had  got  acquainted  with  him  through  Thomas  J.) 

Alice  quoted  a  lot  from  Irving,  and  a  lot  from 
Shakespeare,  while  we  wuz  to  the  table,  and  I  felt 
their  presence  in  my  heart. 

Wall,  .1  wuz  so  kinder  beat  out  that  night,  that, 
as  poets  say,  "  I  sought  my  couch"  to  once,  a  good- 
lookin'  oak  bedstead,  with  a  teester  cloth  overhead, 
and  some  curtains  hangin'  down  on  each  side. 

The  weariness  I  had  gone  through  with  that  day, 
mixed  in  with  the  powders  Mr.  Morpheus  keeps  by 
him,  brung  on  a  sleep  almost  imegiately  and  to  once. 
And  I  wuz  sweetly  a-dreamin'  of  seein'  the  Jonesville 
steeple  a-pintin'  up  through  a  ile  paintin'  of  cows 
and  calves.  Philury  wuz  a-peacefully  milkin'  one  of 
the  cows,  while  Ury,  a-settin'  on  the  steeple  with  a 
pail  of  skim  milk,  wuz  a-tryin'  to  bagon  one  of  the 
calves  to  him,  but  a  Madonna  with  a  long  beard 
poked  at  the  calf  with  a  sceptre  and  made  it  kick. 

It  wuz  a  sweet,  tender  dream  of  home,  tinged 
slightly  with  the  surroun din's  we  had  been  sur 
rounded  by  on  our  tower. 

But  anon  as  the  Madonna  and  Philury  changed 
into  two  gorgeous  altar  pieces,  and  Ury  leaned  near 
the  calf  and  fed  it  out  of  a  stained-glass  winder — 


326  SAMAXTHA    IX    EUROPE. 

Even  at  that  very  minute  a  sharp  scream  cut 
through  the  silence  of  night,  like  the  ragged  thrust 
of  a  bread  knife  through  a  loaf  of  light  bread. 

Once,  twice,  three  times,  did  that  cry  ring  out, 
and  then  I  heard  the  sounds  of  rapid  footsteps,  and 
anon  the  door  busted  open,  and  my  pardner  rushed 
in  and  slammed  it  shot  and  clicked  the  bolt  to. 

And  then  he  sunk  down  in  his  chair  and  almost 
buried  his  face  in  his  hands. 

I  riz  up  on  my  piller,  and  sex  I  in  agitated 
axents — 

44  What  is  the  matter,  Josiah  ?" 

Sex  lie  from  out  from  under  his  hand,  "  I've  done 
it  now  !" 

"  Done  what  ?"  sex  I. 

"  Don't  ask  me  !"  sex  he,  a-shudderin'  visibly  ;  "  it 
is  nothin'  you  want  to  know." 

But  his  words  made  me  more  and  more  deter 
mined  to  know  the  worst,  as  wux  nateral  they 
should.  And  finally  he  said  in  a  surly,  cross 
way— 

"Wall,  if  you  must  know,  I've  been  into  a 
woman's  room." 

"  Been  into  a  woman's '  room  !"  sex  I  coldly  ; 
"what  did  you  want  in  a  woman's  room  ?" 

"  I  didn't  want  nothin' — Heaven  knows  I  didn't, 
only  to  git  out  agin." 


JOSIAH    HAS   AN   ADVENTURE.  327 

4f> 

"  Who  wuz  it  ?"  sez  I  in  stern  axents. 

"  I  d'no — she  wuz  a  perfect  stranger  to  me," 
sez  he,  with  his  face  still  hid  in  his  hand. 

"  Wuz  she  good-lookin'  ?"  sez  I  in  the  same  stern 
tones.  I  hain't  a  mite  jealous,  as  is  well  known, 
but  I  felt  that  I  wanted  to  know  the  worst. 

"  Don't  ask  me,"  sez  he  ;  and  he  continued  fierce 
ly,  "  What  business  has  a  woman  to  be  up  a-ondress- 
in'  herself  at  this  time  of  night  ?  Why  wuzn't  she 
to  bed  and  covered  up  ?" 

Sez  he,  a-growin'  more  and  more  excited  and 
fierce  actin'--ul'm  a-goin'  back  and  tell  that 
woman  that  it  is  a  shame  and  a  disgrace  to  be  -up 
and  ondressed  at  this  time  of  night.  Why  wuzn't 
her  door  locked,  if  she  had  to  ondress  ?" 

"What  business  wuz  it  of  yours?"  sez  I.  "Do 
you  spoze  she  expected  you  to  be  a-prowlin'  round 
her  room  and  a-prancin'  in,  onbeknovvn  to  her  ?" 

"  Gracious  Peter  !"  sez  he  in  pitiful  axents  ;  "  duz 
she  think  I  wanted  to  be  there  ?" 

"  Why  did  you  go  in,  then  ?"  sez  I. 

"  Because  I  made  a  mistake  !"  he  thundered  out. 
"  I  thought  it  wuz  our  room.  How  should  I  know 
that  there  wuz  a  dum,  red-headed  fool  there  a-on- 
dressin'  herself  at  this  time  of  night  ?  Why  wuzn't 
she  abed — up,  and  skairin'  a  man  half  to  death  ?" 

"  If  you'd  kep'  out,  Josiah,  you'd   have   escaped," 


328 


SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 


sez  I  more  softer  like,  for  I  see   by  his  a-xents  that 

he  wuz  a-sufTerin'  from  fear  and  the  effects  of  the 

shock. 

Sez  I,  "  Be  calm  ;  accidents  will   happen,  Josiah. 

Come  to  bed,  and  try  to  forgit  it." 

"  I  won't  try  !"   sez  he.      "I'm   a-goin'    back   and 

give  that  dum  fool  and  loonatick  a    piece    of   my 

mind.  What  henders 
some  other  man  from 
walkin'  in  ?"  Sez  he, 
"  I'm  a-goin'  back — 
it  is  my  duty  !" 

I  riz  up  and  laid 
holt  of  him,  and  sez  I, 
"  Do  you  stay  where 
you  be,  Josiah  Allen. 
I  should  think  you'd 
done  enough  for  one 


SEZ  HE,  "I'M  A-GOIN'  BACK — IT  is  MY  DUTY." 


night." 


Sez  he,  "What  henders  Martin  and  Fazer  from 
walkin'  in  jest  as  I  did,  and  bein'  skairt  to  death  ?" 

Sez  I,  "  Martin  and  Al  Faizi  know  enough  to 
take  care  of  themselves,  and  it  is  your  place  to  go 
to  bed  and  behave  yourself." 

" A-ondressin'  herself  at  this  time  of  night!"  he 
kep'  a-mutterin'  as  he  put  his  vest  down  on  a  chair. 

"  What  are  you  a-doin'  ?"  sez  I. 


JOSIAII    HAS   AN   ADVENTURE.  329 

"  Wall,  there  hain't  a  lot  of  strange  wimmen 
round,  is  there  ?" 

I  see  it  wuz  vain  to  dispute  the  pint.  He  acted 
deeply  injured,  and  as  if  the  woman  had  made  a 
plot  to  skair  him,  and  I  had  to  gin  up  the  idee  of 
wringin'  any  jestice  out  of  his  words  and  demean 
ors  in  the  case. 

But  the  next  mornin'  he  felt  calmer,  and  didn't 
seem  to  blame  her  so  much,  and  admitted  that  she 
had  to  ondress,  and  said  of  his  own  accord  that 
mebby  he  had  been  too  hard  on  her. 

But  he  wuzn't  quite  reconciled,  I  could  see,  and 
felt  deeply  that  he  might  have  escaped  the  shock  if 
she  hadn't  ondressed. 

Wall,  our  first  visit  wuz  to  Shakespeare's  birth 
place.  We  sot  out  bright  and  early. 

It  is  a  long,  old-fashioned-lookin'  house,  with 
three  gabriel  ends  in  the  ruff  on  front,  and  kinder 
criss-cross-lookin',  some  like  a  big  checker-board, 
the  cross  pieces  of  oak  filled  in  with  plaster,  I 
should  jedge. 

We  first  went  into  the  kitchen,  with  its  wide, 
open  fireplace,  and  how  I  felt  when  I  thought  that 
here,  right  here,  in  this  spot,  the  immortal  Shake 
speare  had  often  sot,  with  his  feet  and  face  burnin' 
hot,  and  his  back  a-freezin',  as  is  the  way  with  them 
old  fireplaces ! 


330  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

But  no  matter  how  his  body  felt  or  didn't  feel, 
think  of  that  mind,  that  soul  that  wuz  eaged  in  here 
between  these  narrer  and  queer-lookin'  walls. 
What  visions  them  eager,  bright  eyes  ust  to  see  in 
the  burnin'  flames  !  What  shadders  and  shapes  the 
clouds  of  smoke  took  as  they  floated  up  and  away  ! 
How  his  soul  follered  'em  !  How  he  sailed  off  into 
strange  heights  and  depths,  sech  as  no  other  writer 
ever  did,  or  can,  foller  and  explore  !  How  the 
mind  of  the  Infinite  must  have  brooded  over  that 
little  sleeper  that  lay  over  three  hundred  years  ago 
in  that  low,  shabby  room  upstairs — a  small,  dreary- 
lookin'  apartment,  with  the  walls  covered  with  the 
names  of  visitors  and  verses,  etc. 

We  went  up  to  it  on  a  steep,  narrer  stairway. 
Martin  had  to  take  off  his  tall  hat  or  he  couldn't 
have  got  in — I  d'no  whether  he  would  or  not 
if  he  hadn't  had  to.  I  wuz  proud  to  see  that  my 
pardner  took  off  his  hat  the  minute  we  got  in 
side  ;  I  wuz  proud  of  the  reverence  he  showed 
for  genius,  and  told  him  so. 

But  he  said  he  forgot  that  it  wuzn't  meetin', 
it  seemed  some  like  it,  he  said,  all  dressed  up 
at  ten  in  the  mornin',  and  goin'  off  all  together. 

After  I  spoke  he  wuz  a-goin'  to  put  his  hat  on 
agin,  but  I  sez— 

"  If  you've  blundered  into  reverential   and   noble 


JOSIAH    HAS   AN   ADVENTURE.  33! 

* 

ways,  Josiah  Allen,  don't,  for  pity  sake,  break  it 
up." 

Of  course  my  pardner  always  takes  off  his  hat 
when  goin'  into  housen,  visitin',  or  callin',  or  sech, 
or  in  our  own  residence.  But  on  our  travels,  goin' 
through  big,  cold  buildin's,  dungeons,  etc.,  he's  made 
a  practice  of  keepin'  it  on,  bein'  bald,  and  sufferin' 
in  his  scalp  from  cold. 

But  here,  in  this  place,  this  hant  of  genius,  I  felt 
for  about  the  first  time  sence  I  had  been  huntin' 
antiquities,  that  I'd  love  to  take  off  my  own  bunnet 
and  dress-cap,  but  I  spozed  that  the  move  would 
draw  attention  and  call  forth  remarks,  so  I  kep' 
'em  on. 

But  my  sperit  knelt  bareheaded  and  bowed  itself 
down  before  this  shrine  of  Wisdom  and  Genius,  this 
earthly  abode  of  one  who  showed  what  a  grand  and 
divine  thing  the  human  mind  may  be  ;  who  held  the 
secret  of  all  things  common  and  transcendent — all 
things  "  that  are  dreamed  of  in  our  philosophy" 
and  more— 

This  magician,  who  showed  "what  fools  we  mor 
tals  be,"  and  showed  to  what  heights  of  wisdom  men 
may  attain— 

Who  held  up  his  wonderful  microscope  and  let 
mortals  look  through  it  into  the  inside  of  their  own 
hearts  and  feelin's  and  emotions.  And  who  held 


332  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

up  a  lookin'-glass  to  Mom  Nater,  so  she  could  see 
her  old  face  in  it,  every  beauty  and  every  de 
formity— 

Who  plunged  us  into  the  depths  of  sorrerful  and 
heart-breakin'  experience,  bewitched  us  with  his  wit, 
and  brung  us  up  so  clost  to  the  divine  good  that 
we  almost  feel  the  beatin'  of  the  great  heart  of 
love. 

Wonderful  magician,  indeed,  and  havin'  sech  feel- 
in's  for  him  for  years  and  years  (ketched  a  good 
deal  from  Thomas  J.,  who  admires  him  beyend  any 
tellin'),  I  felt  that  it  wuz  strange  indeed  that  she 
who  wuz  once  Smith  should  stand  right  here  in  the 
place  where  he  had  once  lived. 

Al  Faizi  felt  jest  as  I  did,  only  more  so — jest  as 
still  waters  run  deepest.  I  could  talk  \vith  my  com 
panion  yet,  and  the  others,  but  he  stood  reverent 
and  silent,  and  walked  through  the  rooms  like  one 
in  a  dream,  in  which  sech  visions  come  that  it  "give 
us  pause." 

But,  as  I  say,  I  could  still  talk  some — I  seem  to 
be  made  that  way  that  conversation  is  hard  to 
smother  in  my  breast.  Lots  of  wimmen  are  made 
jest  so,  and  men  too. 

Martin  wuz  talkin'  fluently  to  Alice  and  Adrian 
as  they  went  from  spot  to  spot  in  the  old  house, 
and  Martin  wuz,  I  spozed,  a-layin'  up  a  fount  of 


JOSIAH    HAS   AN   ADVENTURE.  333 

memories  that  the  public  could  tap,  and  valuable 
information  would  flow  for  their  refreshin'. 

But  anon  I  missed  my  pardner  ;  but  even  as  my 
Thought  wuz  a-reachin'  after  him,  as  it  always  must 
while  it  is  yoked  to  my  constant  Heart,  he  come  up 
to  me  with  joy  in  his  mean  and  a  piece  of  paper  in 
his  hand,  and  sez  he,  with  a  glad  and  joyous  axent, 
in  which,  too,  pride  wuz  blendin',  about  a  third  of 
each  ingregient  a-makin'  up  his  hull  mean. 

Sez  he,  "I  have  been  a-writin'  a  poem  in  the 
visitors'  book,  Samantha,  and  I  copied  it  off  for 
you  on  a  leaf  out  of  my  account  book — I  knew  that 
you  would  want  to  see  it,  and  then  I  shall  keep  the 
copy  in  my  tin  trunk  with  my  money  and  deeds." 

I  groaned  instinctively,  but  suppressed  it  all  I 
could  as  I  sez — 

"  Let  me  know  the  worst  to  once  !  What  have 
you  \vrit  ?" 

He  proudly  ondid  the  paper,  and  I  read— 

"  I,  Josiah, 

Am  settin'  by  the  fire, 
Am  right  on  the  spot 
Where  Shakespeare  sot  ; 
I'm  proud  to  be  there, 

Though  I   spoze,  from   what  Samantha   sez, 
that  it  hain't  the  same  chair." 

"  There,"  sez  he  proudly,  as  he  folded  up  the   pa- 


334  SAMANTIIA    IN    EUROPE. 

per,  and  put  it  into  his  portmoney.  ''There  hain't 
a  verse  here  on  these  hull  walls  or  on  the  visitors' 
book  that  will  compare  with  that." 

"  No,"  sez  I  coldly,  "  there  hain't — Heaven  knows 
there  hain't." 

Sez  he  proudly,  "  It  has  three  great  qualities, 
Samantha  —  it  is  terse,  melodious,  and  truthful. 
Shakespeare's  chair  wuz  sold  two  hundred  years  ago 
to  a  Russian  princess,  and  they've  kep'  on  a-sellin' 
the  original  chair  several  times  sencc,  so  how  could 
it  be  here  ?  If  I'd  been  writin'  in  prose,  I  should  a 
said  that  it  wuz  a  dum  humbug  !" 

And  here  he  paused  reflectively  and  dreamily. 

"  I  might  have  said  sunthin'  strong  and  strikin' 
here— 

"  '  It  makes  me  mad  as  a  June  bug 
To  see  'em  try  to  humbug. 

1  JOSIAH.' 

"  You  know  that  June  bugs  hum,"  and  he  mur 
mured  dreamily,  "  humbug,  and  bughum  ;  it  would 
have  been  very  ingenious,  and  I  might  say  sunthin' 
strong  about  '  tire,' to  rhyme  with  'Josiah,' about 
relicks  bein'  made  to  order.  '  It  makes  me  tired,' 
you  know,  only  have  it  come  all  in  poetry,"  sez  he  ; 
"it  would  be  dretful  appro/^v." 

Sez  I  coldly,  "What  you  mean  by  that,  I  don't 
have  any  idee." 


JOSIAH    HAS   AN   ADVENTURE.  335 

"  Wrr£,"  sez  he,  "I  see  it  in  The  World;  it  is 
French,  and  it  means  to  have  anything  come  in 
appropriate — appro/to^,  you  know.  I  should  have 
used  it  in  my  poem,  but  I  couldn't  think  of  any 
thing  to  rhyme  with  it  but  hoss." 

Sez  I,  "  Tire  is  a  good  word  to  use  in  connec 
tion  with  your  poetry.  Everybody  would  appre 
ciate  it,  and  hail  it  with  effusion." 

"  But,"  sez  he  with  a  wise  air,  "you  have  to  be  so 
careful  in  poetry.  You  can't  use  strong  phrases 
much,  if  any.  And  then,  knowin'  that  I  wuz 
writin'  in  the  same  book  with  kings,  etc.,  I  felt 
that  it  must  be  genteel  and  stylish.  And  I  knew 
you  always  loved  to  be  remembered,  and  so  I 
brung  your  name  in,  Samantha." 

"Yes,"  sez  I,  "you  brung  it  in  in  sech  a  way 
as  to  hurt  his  folkses  feelin's  as  long  as  they  make 
them  chairs  of  hisen." 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  "it  looks  well  for  pardners  to 
remember  each  other,  and  it's  a  rare  quality,  too." 

I  felt  that  he  wuz  right,  and  didn't  dispute  him, 
and  sez  he— 

"  Samantha,  I  wanted  you  to  be  jined  with  me 
on  the  pillow  of  fame.  I  don't  want  to  be  any 
where  where  you  hain't,  Samantha." 

His  tenderness  touched  my  heart,  and  I  kep' 
still  and  let  him  go  on,  only  I  merely  remarked — 


336  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

"  As  for  its  bein'  melodious,  Josiah,  your  first 
line  has  got  2  words  in  it,  and  your  last  one 
seventeen." 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  "that's  the  way  with  great 
writers — they  warm  with  their  subject  as  they  go 
on,  and  git  all  het  up  with  inspiration.  Jest  think 
of  Browning  and  Walt  Whitman." 

Sez  I,  "  Don't  go  to  comparin'  that  verse  of 
yourn  with  Browning.  Why,  folks  know  what  you 
wuz  a-writin'  about !  Don't  compare  yourself  with 
Robert  Browning." 

He  see  in  a  minute  his  deep  mistake — he  see 
that  folks  could  find  out  what  he'd  undertook  to 
write  about. 

"Wall,  \Valt  Whitman,"  sez  he,  "he  writ  jest  as 
long  and  short  lines.  I've  seen  'em  to  home  in 
that  '  Leaves  of  Grass'  Thomas  J.  owns." 

"Wall,  I  wish  your  grass  wuz  to  home,  too,"  sez 
I  ;  "  but,"  sez  I,  a-sithin'  hard,  "  I've  got  to  stand  it, 
I  spoze.  But,"  sez  I  warmly,  "there  hain't  a  spot, 
from  Egypt  to  Jonesville,  but  what  I'd  ruther  had 
you  broke  out  into  poetry  in  than  in  this  house." 

And  I  turned  onto  my  heel  and  left  him,  feelin' 
cheap  as  dirt  about  it,  though  I  comforted  myself 
with  the  thought  that  his  poetry  wuzn't  the  only 
foolish  lines  writ  there. 

I  believe  that  if  Shakespeare's  ghost  comes  back 


JOSIAH    HAS   AN   ADVENTURE. 


337 


and  hants  this  old  spot — as  it  seems  likely  to  spoze 
it  duz — about    the  hardest  thing  it    has  to  bear  is 
to  read  the  effusions 
writ  all  over  the  walls 
and    in    the    visitors' 
book,    though    some 
on  'em  are  quite  good. 
Prince  Lucian  writ 
a   very    good     verse. 
But,  then,  he  writ  in 
it  that— 
"  He  shed  jest  one  tear." 

How  under  the  sun 
anybody  can  make 
calculations  ahead  on 
sheddin'  jest  one  tear, 
no  more,  no  less,  is  a 
mystery  to  me,  and 
it  must  have  been 
jest  out  of  one  eye, 
and  not  the  other. 

But  bein'  a  Prince, 

I    Spoze    he    done    it  '    SHAKESPEARE'S   GHOST  READING  THE  EFFUSIONS  ON  THE 

WALLS    OF    HIS    HOUSE. 

but    I     never   could. 

I  couldn't  calculate  closter  than  a  dozen  or  twenty 
before  I  begun  to  cry,  and  I  couldn't  cry  with  one 
eye  and  keep  the  other  dry  to  save  my  life. 


33$  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

Our  own  Washington  Irving  writ  quite  a  good 
verse,  and  so  did  the  American  Hackett — the  best 
actor  of  some  of  Shakespeare's  characters. 

Lots  of  actors  have  left  their  names  in  the  room 
where  the  poet  wuz  born — Edmund  Kean,  Charles 
Kean,  and  a  great  many  others.  And  in  the  visit 
ors'  book  you  see  writin's  from  kings  to  chore- 
boys,  and  lines  in  every  language — English,  Ger 
man,  French,  Chinese,  Hebrew,  Persian,  Turkish, 
etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

The  Poet  of  the  World  has  the  world  come  to 
do  honor  to  his  memory. 

Next  to  the  thought  that  I  wuz  under  the  ruff 
that  bent  over  the  head  of  Shakespeare  wuz  to 
see  the  writin'  of  some  who  had  writ  their  names 
on  the  low  walls. 

Charles  Dickens !  Why,  jest  to  look  on  that  one 
name,  writ  by  his  own  hand,  would  have  been 
enough,  if  I  had  been  to  home,  to  furnished  me 
with  deep  emotions  for  ten  days.  Nobody  knows 
what  my  feelin's  have  always  been  for  that  man. 

It  hain't  quite  so  fashionable  to  love  Dickens 
now  as  it  ust  to  be.  The  world  has  grown  older 
and  more  genteel,  and  seems  to  prize  more  the 
writin's  it  can't  understand — the  vaguer  ones  and 
more  cross  like,  and  morbid,  "  Is  Life  Worth  Living  " 
— "  No,  it  hain't." 


JOSIAH    HAS   AN   ADVENTURE.  339 

11  How  to  be  Happy  though  Married." 

Ibsen,  Tolstoi,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  and  so  forth  and  so 
on. 

But  I  lay  out  to  like  Dickens  till,  like  Barkis, 
the  high  water  comes,  and — "  I  go  out  with  the 
tide." 

So  his  name,  the  Master,  I  laid  my  hand  on't, 
and  had  ninety-seven  emotions  durin'  that  time,  and 
I  presoom  more,  though  truly  I  didn't  count  'em. 

And  Thackeray,  who  laughs  with  us  over  the 
weaknesses  of  humanity,  yet  once  in  a  great  while 
strikes  sech  a  hard  and  onexpected  blow  onto  our 
hearts  and  feelin's,  that  we  look  right  under  that 
cynical  veil  he  chose  to  wear,  and  see  the  great, 
tender  heart  of  the  man.  His  name,  writ  by  his 
own  hand,  gin  me  powerful  emotions,  and  sights  on 
'em. 

Lord  Byron's  name  rousted  me  up  some.  Poor, 
onhappy,  restless  creeter  !  I  wuz  always  sorry  for 
him — sorry  he  wuz  so  mean  and  grand  too — dretful 
grand.  I  spoze  he  wuz  so  onhappy  that  he  couldn't 
help  lettin'  it  run  off  the  ends  of  his  fingers  some 
times  onto  the  paper. 

Some  of  his  poetry  uplifts  you,  like  bein'  on  a 
mountain-top  in  a  storm,  and  some  is  like  a  calm 
moonlight  night  in  the  tropics,  and  still  there  is 
some  on't  that  I  never  felt  willin'  that  Josiah  Allen 


340  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

should  read — I  felt  that  it  would  be  resky  to  allow 
it.  As  I  looked  at  his  signature  I  instinctively  sez 
over  to  myself  a  verse  of  hisen,  that  always  seemed 
to  be  kinder  open-hearted,  and  ownin'  up,  and  had 
a  good  deal  of  human  nater  in  it.  Some  despair 
and  some  plain  curosity — they  always  seem  to 
touch  a  chord  in  everybody's  nater — I  guess  that 
most  everybody  sometimes  feels  jest  about  so,  jest 
so  kinder  curous  to  know  what  is  comin'  next— 

"  My  whole  life  was  a  contest  since  the  day 
That  gave  me  being— 

And  I  at  times  have  found  the  struggle  hard, 
And  thought  of  shaking  off  my  bonds  of  clay  ; 
But  now  I  fain  would  for  a  time  survive, 
If  but  to  see  what  next  can  well  arrive  !" 

Wall,  he  see  the  last  thing  arrive  that  we  know 
anything  about  here.  What  come  next,  after  he 
shet  his  eyes  in  Greece  (dyin'  nobly,  anyway)  we 
can't  tell.  But  probble  the  one  who  formed  that 
strange  soul  knew  jest  what  it  needed  the  most, 
and  deserved. 

Probble  that  was  the — "The  next  thing  that  ar 
rived." 

But  I  am  indeed  a-eppisodin',  and  to  resoom— 

Then  there  wuz  Sir  Walter  Scott,  and  Tennyson, 
and  Longfellow,  and  everybody  else,  as  you  may 
say,  who  have  distinguished  themselves  in  literature 


JOSIAH    HAS  AN   ADVENTURE.  341 

and  art,  and  lots  of  Lords  and  Ladies,  but  them  I 
didn't  mind  so  much,  knowin'  that  for  the  most 
part  that  they  had  been  born  into  their  lofty  places 
onbeknown  to  'em,  but  the  others  had  made  the 
high  pinnacles  for  themselves,  and  then  stood  up  on 
'em. 

In  another  room  we  see  lots  of  relicks  of  the  past. 
Josiah  nudged  me  once  or  twict  a-lookin'  at  'em,  I 
spoze  to  call  attention  to  his  poetry  and  his  doubts. 
But  I  declined  to  be  nudged,  and  never  looked  up 
at  him  at  all,  but  kep'  my  eye  on  the  relicks. 

One  is  a  seal  ring  of  Shakespeare's,  with  his 
initials,  W.  S.,  tied  together  with  a  true  lover's  knot. 
It  wuz  found  near  Stratford  meetin'-house,  twenty 
years  ago  and  over,  and  is  spozed  to  be  really  his 
ring,  as  he  said  sunthin'  in  his  will  that  shows  that 
he  had  lost  his  seal  ring. 

Then  there  is  a  letter  writ  to  Shakespeare  by 
Richard  Quincy,  askin'  the  loan  of  some  money. 

I  sez  to  Josiah,  "  Whether  he  got  it  or  not,  if  he 
could  come  back  now  he  could  sell  that  letter  of 
hisen  for  enough  to  make  him  comfortable." 

"  Yes,"  sez  Josiah  ;  "  I  would  give  fifty  cents  for 
it  myself,  or  seventy-five,  if  he  would  take  it  in  pro 


visions." 


"  Hush  !"  sez  I,  "you  couldn't  git  it  for  that,  for 
this  letter,  I  feel,  is  genuine.     It  seems  so  nateral, 


342  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

borrowin'  money  of  a  writer.  Why,"  sez  I,  "  truth 
is  stomped  onto  it." 

Then  there  wuz  the  desk  that  Shakespeare  sot  at 
when  a  boy.  A  rough,  battered  desk  it.  wuz,  with 
the  lid  lifted  by  leather  hinges. 

I  sot  down  to  it  and  leaned  my  head  onto  my 
hand  and  thought — thought — of  how  he  felt  when 
he  wuz  a-settin'  at  it,  and  wondered  if  he  had  boy 
ish  joys  or  boyish  sorrers  jest  like  the  rest  of  children. 
And  if  he  scribbled  poetry  when  he  ort  to  be  study- 
in'  his  rithmetic,  and  whether  old  Miss  Shakespeare, 
his  ma,  sent  him  off  to  school  happy,  with 
fond  words  and  a  kiss,  or  kinder  mad  from  a 
spankin'. 

To  spank  Shakespeare  !  My  soul  revolted  from 
the  thought. 

Or  whether,  while  he  sot  here,  he  studied  his 
schoolmates  and  teachers  with  eyes  that  must  have 
held  some  fur-seein'  wisdom  in  'em  even  at  that  age, 
or  whether  his  mind  wuz- all  took  up  with  goin'  in 
a-swimmin'  in  the  clear  waters  of  Avon,  or  a-goin' 
a  huntin',  or  a-nuttin'  in  his  rich  neighbor's  woods, 
Sir  Thomas  Lucy,  who  looked  down  with  sech 
disdain  on  William  when  a  boy  and  a  young  man, 
and  now  whose  only  earthly  chance  of  bein'  held  in 
any  remembrance  is  the  fact  that  he  misused 
Shakespeare. 


JOSIAH    HAS   AN   ADVENTURE.  343 

But  theft  mebby  William  wuz  tryin',  boys  are 
sometimes. 

I  wondered  if  while  he  wuz  a-settin'  here  where  I 
sot  any  dreams  of  Anne  Hathaway  begun  to  come 
into  his  brain.  She  must  have  been  about  eighteen, 
allowin'  that  William  wuz  ten  ;  mebby  some  dreams 
of  the  pretty  young  girl  hanted  the  boy's  vision, 
edgin'  themselves  in  between  thoughts  of  play  and 
study.  But  before  long  them  little  dreams  wuz 
a-goin'  to  rise  up  and  push  every  other  vision  out 
of  his  mind. 

And  then  there  wuz  Shakespeare's  jug,  and  the 
old  sign  of  the  Falcon — I  hated  to  see  'em. 

And  some  old  deeds  and  documents  relatin'  to 
his  father's  property,  from  John  Shackspere  and 
Mary  his  wyfle,  and  a  deed  with  Gilbert  Shaks- 
pere's  autograph  on  it. 

And  lots  of  engravin's  of  different  places  about 
Stratford,  and  a  great  many  portraits  of  Shake 
speare. 

Poor  creeter !  if  he  and  Columbus  have  got 
acquainted  with  each  other  where  they  be  now,  as 
I  spoze  it  is  nateral  to  think  they  have,  how  they 
must  sympathize  with  each  other  over  the  numerous 
faces  they  wuz  said  to  have  had  on  this  planet ! 
Noble  creeters,  it  wuz  too  bad,  when  they  only  had 
one  apiece,  and  good,  noble-lookin'  ones,  I  most 


A    GREAT   MANY    PORTRAITS    OF    SHAKESPEARE. 


JOSIAH    HAS   AN   ADVENTURE.  345 

know,  or  fhey  wuz,  anyway,  when  they  got  older, 
for  Time,  the  sculptor,  must  have  sculped  some  of 
their  noble  traits  into  their  faces. 

Martin  and  Alice  bought  quite  a  number  of 
steroscopic  views,  and  I  bought  a  few,  and  would, 
though  Josiah  looked  askance  at  me  as  I  did  it,  and 
we  left  the  cottage.  But  I  laid  my  hand  on  the 
doorway  as  I  went  out,  as  though  it  wuz  a  shrine, 
as  indeed  it  wuz. 

Wall,  havin'  seen  the  place  where  he  wuz  born, 
we  naterally  wanted  to  see  the  place  where  he  is 
a-layin',  where  "  After  life's  fitful  fever  he  sleeps 
well,"  havin'  "  Ended  the  heartache,  and  all  the 
natural  ills  that  flesh  is  heir  to." 

So  we  sot  out  for  Holy  Trinity  Church.  New 
Place,  as  it  wuz  called,  where  Shakespeare  spent  the 
last  days  of  his  life,  and  where  his  girl  entertained 
Queen  Henriette,  wuz  torn  down  in  1757  by  its 
owner,  who  had  moved  away,  and  didn't  want  to 
pay  the  heavey  taxes  levied  on  it.  While  livin' 
there,  he  had  cut  down  the  mulberry-tree  Shake 
speare  planted,  because  folks  thronged  into  his 
garden  so,  and  cut  off  twigs,  etc.,  for  relicks ;  so  he 
cut  it  down. 

It  seems  mean  in  him,  and  then,  on  the  other 
hand,  it  would  be  hard  for  us  to  be  broke  in  on  any 
hour  of  the  day,  sometimes  when  we  had  a  hard 


346  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

headache,  and  wanted  to  set  quiet  under  our  own 
vine  and  mulberry-tree,  to  have  a  gang  of  enthu- 
siastick  tourists  come,  and  not  only  break  up  your 
quiet,  but  break  off  your  branches  over  your  achin' 
head,  and  mebby  recite  Shakespeare  right  there  in 
broad  daylight,  and  declaim,  and  elocute,  and  act. 

It  would  be  tuff — tuff  both  ways.  But  the  young 
folks  of  Stratford  wuzn't  megum — they  didn't  try 
to  see  on  all  sides,  as  she  who  wuz  once  Smith  tries 
to  do,  so  they  used  to  pelt  his  winder  with  stuns 
and  things,  so  he  moved  out.  And  much  as  I 
honor  and  revere  Shakespeare,  I  feel  kinder  sorry 
for  the  man,  mebby  because  nobody  else  seems  to 
say  a  decent  word  for  him.  But  I  believe  he  see 
trouble,  with  taxes,  tourists,  elocution,  and  sech. 
And  because  our  eyes  are  sot  on  a  blazin'  sun  that 
is  shinin'  high  in  the  Heavens,  it  hain't  no  sign  that 
we  ort  to  kick  over  every  kerosene  lamp  and  candle 
that  we  come  acrost.  No  ;  less  be  jest  to  all,  and 
respect  what  is  respectable  in  'em,  and  be  sorry  for 
humble  trials,  as  well  as  proud  of  lofty  glories. 

But  to  resoom — The  house  that  stands  on  the 
spot  now  is  owned  by  the  town,  and  is  a  museum 
of  Shakespeare's  relicks  and  souvneirs.  It  is  need 
less  to  say  how  many  emotions  I  had  as  I  walked 
onwards  towards  the  tomb  of  the  greatest  writer 
who  has  ever  appeared  on  our  planet — in  fact,  I 


JOSIAH    HAS    AN   ADVENTURE.  347 

couldn't  cotfnt   'em   or  begin  to,  if  there  wuz  any 
need  on't. 

Nor  nobody  couldn't  see  the  crowd  that  walked 
with  me — King  Lear,  with  sweet  Cordelia  a  kinder 
holdin'  him  up  ;  eloquent  Portia,  Lady  Macbeth— 
the  Henrys  and  Richards — the  bright-faced  Shrew 
that  wuz  tamed — Prince  Hamlet — Ophelia  a-bab- 
blin'  her  love  ditties — Imogene — poor  Desdemona, 
and  her  folks,  and  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.  How 
they  pressed  round  me  ! — a  great  deal  nigher  to  me 
than  Adrian  wuz,  though  I  wuz  a-leadin'  him  by 
the  hand. 

The  church  stands  near  the  banks  of  the  sweet 
Avon.  And  we  went  up  to  it  by  a  avenue  of  trees, 
and  through  a  great  Gothic  door,  into  a  porch  that 
led  into  the  church  itself.  The  old  sexton,  who  had 
onlocked  the  door  for  us,  at  our  request  led  us 
right  up  to  the  monument,  which  is  in  a  niche  in 
the  chancel,  and  is  spozed  to  be  a  perfect  likeness,  as 
it  wuz  made  by  a  sculptor  who  wuz  acquainted 
with  Shakespeare,  and  who  had  a  death  mask  to 
work  from. 

There  he  stands  or  sets,  as  the  case  may  be,  for  a 
sort  of  a  marble  cushion  comes  up  in  front  of  him, 
and  you  can't  see  quite  to  the  bottom  of  his 
vest. 

He  stands  (or  sets)  with  that  high,  noble  forward 


348  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

and  good-lookin'  featers,  and  eyes  that  look  clear 
through  your  soul,  and  that  deep  collar  of  hisen  on, 
under  a  arch  that  has  some  cupids  up  on  each  side 
on  top,  and  coats-of-arms,  and  skulls,  and  things. 

And  there  he  has  stood  (or  sot)  through  the  cen 
turies,  jest  as  I  spoze  he  would  wanted  to,  with  a 
paper  in  one  hand  and  a  pen  in  the  other,  to  all 
appearance  a-writin',  and  the  hull  world  a-rcadin'  it. 

In  front  of  the  altar  rails  are  the  marble  slabs 
over  the  graves  of  the  Shakespeare  family,  among 
them  his  wife,  Anne  Hathaway  ;  it  reads  as  follers— 

"  Here  lyeth  interred  the  body  of  Anne, 
Wife  of  William  Shakspere,  who  depted  this  life  the 
6  day  of  Aug.  1623,  being  of  the  age  of  67  years." 

Another  slab  marks  the  grave  of  Susanna,  the 
poet's  daughter. 

But,  of  course,  the  slab  that  gin  me  the  biggest 
sized  emotions,  and  the  greatest  number  on  'em,  wuz 
the  one  over  the  poet,  which  has  these  mysterious 
and  immortal  lines  on't— 

"  Good  friend,  for  Jesu's    sake  forbeare 
To  digg  the  dust  encloased  heare  ; 
Bleste  be  ye  man  yt  spares  thes  stones, 
And  cursed  be  he  yt  moves  my  bones." 

I  had  a  immense  emotions  of  or  as  I  read  these 
words,  and  dassent  hardly  lay  my  hand  on't.  But 


JOSIAH    HAS   AN   ADVENTURE.  349 

made  up  my  mind  that  as  I  didn't  have  no  idee  of 
movin'  his  bones,  and  laid  out  to  spare  the  stuns,  I 
might  venter. 

There  are  them  that  think  that  some  great  secret 
wuz  buried  with  Shakespeare — them  are  the  ones 
that  are  so  sot  on  thinkin'  that  Bacon  wuz  the  one 
who  writ  the  great  plays,  and  they  say  in  this  very 
inscription  is  hid  in  cypher  a  confession  that  Bacon 
writ  'em. 

But  I  didn't  seem  to  think  so,  nor  Josiah  didn't, 
though  he  wuz  all  took  up  with  the  idee  of  the 
cypher,  as  Martin  broached  it. 

Sez  he,  "  How  beautiful  it  would  be,  and  how 
stylish,  to  write  to  you  when  you're  off  on  your  towers 
with  a  cypher  !  I  could  write  it  in  poetry,  and  it 
would  be  so  uneek,  and  if  I  wanted  to  complain  to 
you  about  the  children,  or  Ury,  or  anything,  how 
handy  it  would  be  !" 

"  But,"  I  sez,  "  in  answer  to  that  idee  of  yourn, 
I  can  quote  to  you  the  first  line  of  Shakespeare's 
epitaph,  and  I  feel  it,  too,"  sez  I. 

He  went  back  and  read  it  over  agin,  and  come 
back  lookin'  real  puggicky. 

But  I  see  that  other  folks  had  felt  jest  as  I  did 
about  disturbin'  the  slab,  for  it  looked  fresh  and 
new,  while  the  other  ones  near  it  wuz  all  worn  with 
the  footprints  of  time  and  the  tourists  ;  and  when 


350  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

the  poet's  wife  and  daughter  died,  they  wanted  dretful 
to  be  laid  by  William,  but  they  dassent  open  the 
grave.  The  curse  he  threatened  held  'em  back. 

Queer !  I  wish  I  knew  what  he  meant  by  it, 
but  can't ;  the  silence  of  three  hundred  years  can't 
be  broke  by  one  small  woman's  voice,  or  ruther  one 
woman's  small  voice.  No  answer  comes  to  our 
deep  wonder  and  curosity. 

In  this  church  is  the  font  where  Shakespeare  wuz 
baptized — this  wuz  in  the  church  at  the  time  of  his 
birth,  but  wuz  took  out  in  the  seventeenth  century, 
and  replaced  by  a  new  one  ;  this  old  one  lay  for  years 
in  a  heap  of  rubbish,  and  wuz  used  for  a  pump 
trough  for  a  spell — jest  think  on't ! 

There  is  other  interestin'  things  in  the  church, 
but  we  didn't  wait  to  see  'em.  We  went  out  and 
wandered  for  a  spell  around  the  quaint  streets  of 
Stratford.  Every  shop  almost  has  souvneirs  to  sell 
of  the  great  man — busts  and  medallions  and  picters 
of  him  and  his  home,  and  his  tomb,  and  carvin's, 
engravin's,  etc.,  etc.  I  would  buy  a  plate  with  his 
birthplace  on't,  though  Josiah  demurred. 

Sez  he,  "  I  always  thought  you  wuz  so  peticular, 
Samantha,  what  you  eat  on,  and  the  idee  of  eatin' 
on  Shakespeare — cow-slop  greens,  for  instance,  or 
pork  and  beans." 


THE  FONT  IN  WHICH  SHAKESPEARE  WAS  BAPTIZED 


JOSIAH    HAS   AN   ADVENTURE.  351 

I  sez,  "  Tt  hain't  Shakespeare's  face." 
"  Wall,  eatin'  cabbage  and  onions  on  a  meetin'- 
house." 

"It  is  his  house,"  sez  I. 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  custard  and  Shakespeare's 
birthplace." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "what  of  it — what  of  custard  and 
Shakespeare  ?"  My  tone  wuz  cold — cold  as  ice, 
and  it  danted  him,  and  he  sez — "  Oh,  wall,  if  you 
can  reconcile  'em,  and  bring  'em  together,  buy 
it- 
It  wuz  the  money  he  begreched,  though  you 
could  git  'em  from  a  sixpence  up.  I  gin  a  shillin' 
for  mine.  It  wuz  a  good  plate. 

Wall,  we  went  acrost  the  old  bridge,  over  the 
clear  waters  of  the  Avon.  And  we  visited  the 
Memorial  Hall,  a  big  buildin'  built  in  honor  of 
the  poet's  three  hundredth  anniversary.  It  has 
a  theatre  to  act  out  Shakespeare's  plays  on 
Memorial  days,  and  a  library  filled  with  the  vol 
umes  that  have  been  writ  about  him,  and  the 
picter  gallery  is  filled  with  picters,  some  on  'em 
different  faces  of  hisen,  and  them  relatin'  to  his 
life  and  writin's.  It  wuz  a  interestin'  spot,  and  I 
would  have  loved  to  lingered  in  it  longer,  and  so 
would  Alice  and  Al  Faizi,  but  Josiah  wuz  tired  out, 
and  he  sed  to  me  aside — 


352  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

"  It  is  most  night  and  I  am  starved  to  death  !" 
Sez  he,  "  I  hain't  most  starved,  but  starved." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "we  shall  have  to  do  what  Martin 
sez." 

"  Martin  !"  he  whispered  enough  to  take  my 
head  off — "  Martin  !  Can  he  suffer  and  die  for  me, 
do  you  think  ?" 

And  then  he  reviled  me  for  nor  havin'  some 
cookies  and  cheese  with  me. 

And  I  asked  him  if  I  could  be  expected  to  make  a 
restoraunt  of  myself,  and  lug  round  cookies  and  cheese 
for  him  all  over  Europe.  And  we  had  some  words. 

But  the  expression  of  his  face  wuz  pitiful  in  the 
extreme  when  Martin  come  up,  and  sez  he— 

"  Without  doubt  it  would  be  expected  of  me  to 
visit  Shottery  and  see  Anne  Hathaway's  cottage. 
And  as  my  time  is  limited,  and  I  have  already 
wasted  nearly  a  day  of  my  valuable  time  in  noticing 
Shakespeare,  I  think  that  we  had  better  do  up  the 
whole  of  this  weary  job  to-night ;  so  I  propose  that 
we  go  at  once  from  here  to  Shottery."  And  he 
hurried  out  to  the  carriage. 

Josiah  whispered  to  me  in  a  feeble  voice,  "  He 
needn't  use  any  Shottery  on  me  or  stabbery  or  any 
other  killery,  I  shall  fall  dead  without  'em.  I  can 
not  stand  it,  Samantha  !"  sez  he. 

He  did  indeed  look  wan  ;  weariness  and  hunger 


JOSIAH    HAS   AN   ADVENTURE. 


353 


had  made  sad  inroads  on  his  mean,  and  my  heart 
melted,  and  I  hurried  out  to  see  if  I  could  gain 
Martin's  consent  to  wait  till  mornin'  before  we  went. 
But  no  !  He  said  he  knew  that  he  should  be  asked 
if  he  had  seen  the  cottage,  and  he  could  not  waste 
another  day  on  a  writer  of 
books  and  the  girl  he  married. 

Alice  come  out  jest  then 
a-lookin'  considerable  pale,  and 
I  sez,  "  It  is  goin'  to  be  pretty 
hard  on  Alice  and  Adrian  ; 
they  are  pretty  tired  now." 

"Are  they?"  sez  he.  That 
man  would  have  jumped  into 
the  Avon  if  it  would  have 
pleased  either  of  'em.  He 
worships  'em.  And  then  he 
sez,  "  I  suppose  I  can  stay 
over  another  day."  Sez  he, 
"  They  are  of  the  first  importance." 

Josiah  sez  to  me  aside — "  Dear  Samantha,  you 
have  saved  my  life  !" 

And  the  supper  that  man  eat  wuz  so  enormous 
that  I  whispered— 

"  Have  I  saved  you,  Josiah,  to  lose  you  now  ? 
saved  you  on  the  road  and  relicks,  to  lose  you  on  a 
plate  and  deep  dish  ?"  And  he  didn't  like  it. 


THE    SUPPER   THAT    MAN   EAT    WUZ    ENORMOUS. 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

SIIOTTERV    AND    WARWICK    CASTLE. 

WALL,  the  next  mornin'  we  sot  out  bright  and 
early  for  Shottery,  Josiah  feel  in'  as  peart  as  you 
please,  and  the  two  children's  faces  lookin'  like 
roses.  Al  Faizi's  eyeswux  bent  on  the  biggest  and 
sweetest  rose,  as  you  may  say,  with  a  worshippin' 
look,  that  nobody  noticed  but  she  who  wuz  once 
Smith. 

We  found  the  cottage  a  long,  low  buildin',  lookin' 
as  old  as  the  hills,  though,  like  'em,  there  didn't  seem 
to  be  no  signs  of  fallin'  down  and  decayin'. 

They  say  it  is  in  jest  the  condition  it  wuz  \vhen 
gentle  Anne  Hathaway  lived  here,  and  drawed 
William  over  here  so  often  by  the  strong  magnetism 
of  love. 

The  walls  wuz  kinder  criss-crossed,  lookin'  some 
like  Shakespeare's  cottage,  and  the  ruff  WTUZ  kinder 
histed  up  in  places,  down  towards  the  eaves,  into 
gabriel  ends.  And  some  birds  wuz  playin'  and 
wheelin'  round  the  chimblys.  They  might  have 
been  to  all  appearance  the  very  same  birds  that  sang 
round  the  latticed  winders  of  Anne's  room,  and 


SHOTTERY   AND    WARWICK   CASTLE.  355 

waked  rffcr  up  on  summer  mornin's,  a-sayin'  to  her, 
as  they  wheeled  round  and  round  it,  in  the  rosy 
dawn — - 

"  Will  is  coming  to-day  to  see  you  !  Will  loves 
you  !  Will  loves  you  !" 

I  presoom  the  birds  wuz  relations  to  them  very 
ones — grandchildren,  "  removed"  a  great  number 
of  times. 

If  birds  keep  a  family  tree  and  plume  themselves 
on  their  ancestors  (and  trees  and  plumes  comes 
nateral  to  'em),  I  presoom  they  talk  this  over 
amongst  themselves  ;  mebby  that  wuz  jest  what  they 
wuz  a-talkin'  about  that  day,  a-twitterin'-  about 
legends  a-flyin'  down  from  the  past — 

How  the  happy,  eager-faced  lover  ust  to  come 
to  see  their  pretty  Anne,  and  how  her  heart  wuz 
won,  and  she  went  out  of  the  old  house  a  happy 
bride  with  the  man  of  her  heart,  who  wuz  not  an 
illustrious  man  to  her  at  all,  but  only  Will,  Will 
Shakespeare,  the  man  she  loved,  and  who  loved  her. 

How  they  did  chirp  and  talk  sunthin'  over  !  I  d'no 
what  it  wuz. 

Inside  wuz  some  old-fashioned  furniture,  amongst 
the  rest  a  bed  that  ust  to  belong  to  Miss  Shake 
speare,  she  that  wuz  Anne  Hathaway.  Mebby  it  wuz 
the  same  bedstead  that  her  pardner  left  her  in  his 
will 


356  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

"  His  second-best  bed  and  beef  furniture." 

It  seems  as  if  he  hadn't  ort  to  done  it  ;  it  seems 
as  if  she  ort  to  had  the  best  one.  Howsumever, 
there  might  be  reasons  that  I  don't  know  nothin'  of 
that  influenced  him.  Mebby  they'd  had  words  over 
it  ;  mebby  she'd  told  him  that  she  wouldn't  take  it 
as  a  gift,  and  that  he  needn't  give  it  to  her ;  mebby 
she  thought  it  wuz  extravagant  in  him  to  buy  it, 
and  throwed  it  in  his  face  that  as  much  as  he  paid 
for  it,  it  wuz  nothin'  but  hens'  feathers,  and  the 
second-best  bed,  the  one  her  ma  had  gin  her,  wuz  as 
good  agin  and  softer  lay  in'. 

I  d'no,  nor  nobody  don't.  Anyway,  he  willed  it 
to  her,  and  I  presoom  it  wuz  on  this  very  bedstead 
it  wuz  put  ;  it  gin  me  queer  emotions  to  look  on't, 
and  a  sight  on  'em. 

Wall,  Martin  sed  that  as  the  day  wuz  partially 
wasted,  we  might  jest  as  well  drive  over  and  see 
Warwick  Castle  ;  it  wuz  only  eight  milds'  drive. 

The  old  town  of  Warwick  is  about  eighteen 
hundred  years  old,  and  dates  back  to  the  time  of 
the  Romans. 

But,  as  Martin  well  sed,  "  Think  of  a  town  over 
eighteen  hundred  years  old  with  only  ten  thousand 
inhabitants,  and  then,"  sez  he,  a-leanin'  back  in  the 
carriage  and  puttin'  his  thumbs  in  his  vest  pockets 
a-pityin'  and  a-patronizin'  the  Old  World  dretfully— 


SH OTTER Y   AND    WARWICK   CASTLE.  357 

"  Thin.k    of    Chicago,  about    fifty  years   old   and 

with  a  population  of  about  forty  hundred  thousand  " 

—he  spread  out  the  population  a  purpose.      He  owns 

lots  of  real  estate  in  Chicago,  and  is  always  a-puffm' 

it  up. 

Sez  he,  "  They  haven't  got  public  enterprise  and 
push  over  here,  as  we  have." 

But  his  tone  kinder  grated  on  my  nerve  some 
how,  and  I  spoke  up  and  sez— 

"  They  don't  base  their  reputation  on  a  mob  of 
folks,  and  beef  and  pork  ;  they  have  sunthin'  more 
solider  and  more  riz  up  like." 

But  I'll  be  hanged  if  I  didn't  have  to  change 
my  mind  a  little  afterwards,  of  which  more 
anon. 

You  see  I  had  heard  Thomas  J.  read  a  sight 
about  the  old  Saxon  earls  of  Warwick,  and  specially 
Guy  Warwick  in  the  time  of  Alfred  the  Great  (you 
know  the  man  that  fried  them  pancakes  and  burnt 
'em,  and  had  other  great  reverses,  but  come  out 
right  in  the  end,  as  men  always  do  who  are  willin' 
to  help  wimmen  in  their  housework). 

I  always  bore  strong  on  this  great  moral  when 
Thomas  J.  would  be  a-readin'  these  deeds  to  me  (I 
thought  he  might  jest  as  well  wipe  a  few  dishes  for 
me  once  in  a  while  as  well  as  not).  And  he'd  read 
"  how  Guy  killed  a  Saxon  giant  nine  feet  tall,  and  a 


358  SAMAXTHA    IX    EUROPE. 

wild  boar,  and  a  green  dragon,  and  killed  an  enor 
mous  cow." 

At  the  porter's  lodge  we  see  the  rib  of  that  cow, 
and  Josiah  said,  "  You  sed  that  they  didn't  date 
back  any  of  their  greatness  to  beef ;  what  do  you 
call  this  ?  Why,"  sez  he,  "  Ury  and  I  kill  a  cow 
almost  every  fall  ;  nothin'  is  said  in  history  of  it  ; 
you  don't  set  any  more  store  bv  me." 

I  see  that  I  had  done  the  man  on  jest  ice,  and  I 
sez  tenderly,  "  You  are  a  good  provider  of  beef, 
Josiah,  and  always  have  been  ;  but,"  sez  I,  "  this 
cow  wuz  probble  twice  the  size  of  one  of  your 
Jerseys.  You  couldn't  wear  that  breastplate,  or 
swing  that  great  tiltin'-pole,  or  the  enormous  sword 
that  hangs  up  there,"  sez  I,  "you  couldn't  move 
'em  hardly  with  both  hands,  and,"  sez  I,  "  look  at 
that  immense  porridge-pot  of  hisen  ;  you  couldn't 
eat  that  full  of  porridge,  as  he  probble  did." 

"  Try  me  !"  sez  he,  earnestly — "  jest  try  me,  that's 
all."  Sez  he,  "  I  could  eat  every  spunful  and  ask  for 
more."  . 

And  there  it  wuzn't  much  after  noon.  That 
man's  appetite  is  a  wonder  to  me  and  has  been  ever 
sence  I  took  it  in  charge.  And  foreign  travel, 
which  I  thought  mebby  would  kind  o'  quell  it  down, 
only  seems  to  whet  it  up  to  a  sharper  edge. 

The  way  to  the  castle  is  through  a  large  gateway, 


SHOTTERY   AND    WARWICK   CASTLE.  359 

and  theji  we  go  through  a  roadway  which  is  cut 
through  solid  rock  for  more'n  a  hundred  feet, 
and  then  when  you  come  out,  you  suddenly  git  a 
full  view7  of  the  grand  old  castle,  with  its  strong 
walls  and  noble  old  Round  towers. 

The  first  is  Guy's  Tower,  one  hundred  and  twenty- 
eight  feet   high,  and  has  walls  ten  feet  thick — jest 
think   on't  !    the    walls    further 
acrost  than  our  best  bedroom. 

Then  there  is  Caesar's  Tower, 
eight  hundred  years  old  and  one 
hundred  and  fifty  feet  high,  and 
between  these  towers  the  gray, 
strong  old  castle  walls,  with  slits 
in"em  for  the  bowmen  to  shoot 
their  arrers  out  of,  and  port 
cullises  and  old  moat,  showin' 

"  You  COULDN'T  EAT  THAT  FULL  OF  PO: 

that  the  castle  m  its  young  days 
had  everything  for  its  comfort  and  defence.  En- 
terin'  one  of  the  arched  gateways  in  the  wall,  you 
find  yourself  on  the  velvet  grass  and  amongst  the 
stately  old  trees  of  a  spacious  courtyard,  with  the 
ivy-covered  walls  and  towers  and  battlements  risin' 
on  every  side  of  it. 

We  walked  round  up  on  them  walls— dumb  up 
into  Guy's  Tower  and  looked  off  on  a  glorious  land 
scape,  as  beautiful  as  any  picter,  and  went  down 


360  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

below  Caesar's  Tower  into  some  dungeons  ;  gloomy 
places  of  sorrer,  filled  even  now  with  the  atmosphere 
of  pain  and  agonized  memories. 

The  great  hall,  sixty-two  feet  by  forty,  with  oak 
ceilin'  and  walls  darkened  by  time  and  covered  with 
carvin's,  has  firearms  of  all  kinds,  and  splendid 
armor  of  all  ages — English  crossbows,  wicked- 
lookin'  Italian  rapiers,  weepons  of  all  kinds  inlaid 
with  gold  and  silver  in  the  most  elegant  workman 
ship. 

We  see  Prince  Rupert's  armor,  Cromwell's  helmet, 
a  gun  from  the  battlefield  of  Marston  Moor.  And, 
in  fact,  all  round  you  you  see  the  most  elegant  and 
curous  curosities,  and  can  look  down  the  hull 
length  of  the  grand  apartments  that  open  into  each 
other,  a  length  of  three  hundred  and  thirty  feet 
—the  red  drawin'-room,  the  gilt  drawin'-room,  the 
cedar  drawin'-room,  etc.,  etc. 

At  the  end  of  a  little  hall  leadin'  from  the  great 
hall  I  see  the  noted  picter  of  Charles  ist  on  horse 
back,  with  one  hand  on  his  side. 

I  declare,  it  actually  seemed  as  if  he  wuz  a-goin' 
to  ride  right  in  here  amongst  us,  it  wuz  so  perfectly 
nateral.  It  wuz  painted  by  Vandyke.  I  don't  see 
how  Vandyke  ever  done  it — I  couldn't. 

The  apartments  are  all  furnished  beautiful: — beau 
tiful.  Cabinets,  bronzes,  exquisite  old  china,  mag- 


SHOTTERY    AND    WARWICK   CASTLE.  361 

nificent^anteek  furniture,  and  the  most  rare  and 
beautiful  picters  are  on  every  side — by  Rubens,  Sir 
Peter  Lely,  Hans  Holbein,  Salvator  Rosa,  Rem 
brandt,  Vandyke,  Guido,  Andrea  del  Sarto,  Teniers, 
Murillo,  Paul  Veronese.  And  beautiful  marble 
busts  by  Chantrey,  Powers,  etc.  There  wuz  a  lovely 
table  that  once  wuz  owned  by  Marie  Antoinette. 
And  others  had  rarest  vases  on  'em,  and  wonderful 
enamelled  work  of  glass  and  china,  with  raised  fig- 
gers  on  'em,  made  by  floatin'  the  metals  in  glass  ; 
nobody  in  the  world  knows  now  how  to  make  'em. 
One  dish  we  see  wuz  worth  one  thousand  pounds. 

As  I  see  this  I  nudged  Josiah,  and  sez  I,  "When 
you  think  of  what  this  dish  is  worth,  hain't  you 
ashamed  of  standin'  out  about  that  plate  ?"  And 
he  said— 

"  It  wuz  the  sperit  of  the  thing  I  looked  at, 
mixin'  Shakespeare  up  with  vittles  ;  though,"  sez  he, 
"  I  would  gladly  eat  now  off  en  a  angel  or  a  seraphin  ; 
why,"  sez  he,  "  St.  Peter  himself  wouldn't  dant  me." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  we'll  be  havin'  dinner  before 
long."  We  laid  out  to  eat  at  Warwick  before  we 
went  back. 

Sez  I,  "  Look  round  you  and  let  your  soul  grow 
by  takin'  in  these  noble  sights."  Sez  I,  "  Look  at 
them  bronzes  and  tortoise-shell  and  ivory  and 
mosaic." 


362 


SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 


Sez  he,  "  I'd  swop  the  hull  lot  of  'em,  if  they  be 
longed  to  me,  for  a  plate  of  nut  eakes  or  a  bologna 
sassige.  And  I'd  ruther  see  a  good  platter  of  pork 
and  beans  than  the  hull  on  'em  !" 

I  knew  he  wouldn't  complain  so  much  alone,  so 
I  left  him  and'sauntered  round 
to  look  at  the  beautiful  objects 
on  every  side. 

In  the  state  bedroom  is  the 
bed  that  belonged  to  Queen 
Anne,  and  the  table  and  trunks 
that  she  used,  also  her  picter. 

In  the  grand  dinin'  hall  is  a 
great  sideboard,  made  from  a 
oak  that  grew  on  the  Kenil- 
worth  estate,  so  old  that  they 
spoze  it  wuz  standin'  when 
Queen  Elizabeth  come  here  to 
the  castle  a-visitin'. 

The  carvin's  on  it  show  the 
comin'  of  Queen  Elizabeth 
and  her  train,  her  meetin'  with  sweet  Amy  Rob- 
sart  in  the  grotto,  the  queen's  meetin'  with  Leices 
ter,  etc.,  etc. 

Jest  as  I  wuz  a-lookin'  at  this  and  a-standin'  be 
fore  it  in  deep  thought,  Martin  come  on  out  of 
the  drawin'-room,  and  sez  he— 


["HE   MORE   I    SEE    OF     MOATS,    THE     MORE    DETER- 
INKI)    I    BE    TO    HAVE    ONE    ROUND    OUR    HOUSE." 


SHOTTERY   AND  WARWICK   CASTLE.  363 

"  A  wonderful  display  of  art  and  virtu !"  sez  he. 

My  eye  wuz  bent  on  that  sideboard,  and  I 
sez— 

"  I  d'no  as  I'd  call  it  a  display  of  virtue — I  don't 
believe  I  would." 

I  WTUZ  sorry  for  Miss  Leicester — sorry  as  a  dog. 

Though  when  I  see  the  epitaph  she  put  above 
that  handsome,  fascinatin'  mean  creeter  (her  hus 
band),  put  it  over  him  her  own  self,  when  he  wuzn't 
by  her  to  skair  her  and  make  her  stand  up  for  him 
as  pardners  will  sometimes — I  d'no  as  I  wuz  very 
sorry  for  her.  Thinkses  I,  She  either  didn't  know 
enough  to  know  what  her  pardner  wuz  up  to,  or  else 
she  wuz  sech  a  fool  she  didn't  care  about  it.  In  either 
case  I  felt  that  my  sympathy  wuz  wasted — of  which 
epitaph  more  anon. 

Wall,  we  went  through  a  place  in  the  wall  they 
called  a  portcullis,  and  over  a  bridge  called  a 
moat. 

And  Josiah  nudged  me  here,  and  sez  he,  "  The 
more  I  see  of  moats,  the  more  determined  I  be  to 
have  one  round  our  house."  Sez  he,  "  How  stylish 
it  would  be  and  how  handy !  When  you  see  com 
pany  comin'  you  didn't  want,  or  peddlers  or  agents 
or  anything,  jest  pull  back  your  drawbridge,  and 
there  you'd  be  safe  and  sound."  Sez  he,  "  I've 
wanted  one  for  years,  and  now  I'm  bound  on  havin' 


364  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

one."  Sez  he,  "  Ury  and  I  will  start  one  the  min 
ute  I  git  home." 

Sez  I,  "  You  won't  do  any  sech  thing." 

"  Why,"  sez  he,  a-arguin',  u  it  would  be  a  boon  to 
you,  Samantha  ;  hain't  I  hearn  you  groan  when  on- 
expected  company  driv  up,  and  you  wuz  out  of 
cookin'  or  cleanin'  house  or  anything?  All  you'd 
have  to  do  would  be  jest  to  speak  to  Ury  or  me,  and 
jest  as  they  wuz  a-comin'  along,  a-thinkin'  of  dinner 
mebby,  a-wonderin'  what  you'd  have — bang  !  would 
go  the  drawbridge,  and  they'd  jest  have  to  back  up, 
and  turn  round  and  go  home." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I  ;  "  how  could  I  face  'em  the  next 
Sunday  in  meetin'  ?  It  hain't  feasible,"  sez  I. 

"  Face  'em  ?"  sez  he  ;  "  if  they  said  anything,  tell 
'em  to  start  a  moat  of  their  own  ;  tell  'em  you 
couldn't  keep  house  without  one." 

"  Oh,  shaw !"  sez  I  ;  "  come  and  look  at  this 
vase." 

And,  indeed,  we  had  entered  a  greenhouse  full  of 
the  most  beautiful  flowers  and  rare  plants,  and  wuz 
even  then  in  front  of  the  famous  Warwick  vase. 
It  is  a  huge,  round,  white  marble  vase  that  holds 
one  hundred  and  thirty-six  gallons,  with  clusters  of 
grapes  and  leaves  and  tendrils  ;  and  vine  branches, 
exquisitely  wrought,  run  round  the  top  and  form 
the  twro  large  handles,  with  other  designs  full  of 


SHOTTERY   AND    WARWICK   CASTLE.  365 

grace  and  beauty  all  wrought  in  it.  How  old  this 
vase  is  nobody  knows,  but  it  wuz  used  by  somebody 
probbly  centuries  before  old  Warwick  Castle  wuz 
ever  thought  on. 

Who  wuz  it  that  drinked  out  of  it  ?  How  did 
they  look  ?  How  come  it  sunk  in  the  bottom  of 
the  lake  ?  I  d'no,  nor  Josiah  don't. 

It  wuz  found  at  the  bottom  of  a  lake  near  Tivoli 
by  Sir  William  Hamilton,  Ambassador  then  at  the 
court  of  Naples. 

I  gazed  pensively  on  the  vine-clad  spear  of 
Mr.  Bacchus  carved  on  it,  and  sez  I  to  Jo 
siah— 

"  How  true  it  is  that  that  sharp  spear  that  Mr. 
Bacchus  brandishes  is  covered  with  beautiful  vines 
and  flowers  at  first ;  but  it  stabs,"  sez  I — "  it  stabs 
hard,  and,"  sez  I,  "who  knows  but  somebody  that 
had  been  pierced  to  the  heart  by  that  spear  of  hisen, 
a-reachin'  'em  mebby  through  the  ruined  life  of 
some  loved  one — who  knows  but  what  he  got  so 
sick  of  seein'  them  symbols  of  drinkin'  revels  that 
he  jest  pitched  it  into  the  lake  ?" 

"Keep  on!"  sez  Josiah,  "keep  on!  I  believe 
you'd  keep  up  your  dum  temperance  talk  if  you 
wuz  on  the  way  to  the  scaffold." 

"That  would  be  the  time  to  preach  it,"  sez  I  ; 
"  scaffolds  is  jest  what  drinkin'  revels  lead  to,  and 


366  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

if  it  wuz  my  last  words,  mebby  folks  would  pay 
some  attention  to  what  I  said." 

"  Wall,  wait  till  then,"  sez  he.  "I  have  got  to 
have  a  little  rest.  I  am  dyin'  for  a  little  food,  and 
if  I  git  through  this  day  alive  I  have  got  to  be 
careful,  and  let  my  cars  rest  anyway." 

He  did  indeed  look  quite  bad,  and  I  sez  sooth- 
in'ly— 

"Wall,  Martin  will  be  for  goin'  back  before  long 
now.  He  is  gittin'  hungry  himself ;  I  heard  him 
say  so." 

We  didn't  stop  to  but  one  more  place  on  our 
way  back  to  the  tarvern  where  we  had  dinner,  and 
that  wuz  to  that  old  horsepital  founded  by  Robert 
Dudley,  Earl  of  Leicester,  in  1571.  It  wuz  meant 
in  the  first  place  for  one  Master  and  twelve  breth- 
eren,  the  bretheren  to  be  of  the  Earl's  servants,  or 
his  soldiers  who  had  been  injured  in  battle.  But 
now  they  are  appointed  from  WTarwick  and 
Gloucester,  and  have  a  comfortable  livin'. 

It  wuz  quite  likely  in  Robert  to  build  this  horse 
pital — a  old-fashioned-lookin'  place  enough  in  1895. 
But  sech  likely  deeds  as  this  couldn't  cover  up  his 
black  performances. 

The  chapel  is  an  elegant  buildin',  built  for  a 
memorial  to  the  great  Earl  of  Warwick,  the  first  in 
the  Norman  line,  and  his  elaborate  tomb  is  here. 


SHOTTERY   AND    WARWICK   CASTLE.  367 

But  ifrwuz  in  this  chapel  where  I  see  the  epitaph 
of  which  I  spoke  more  formerly.  It  is  over  the 
tomb  of  Robert  Dudley,  Earl  of  Leicester,  the  one 
Queen  Elizabeth  thought  so  much  on.  There  I 
see  the  epitaph  I  despised. 

On  the  tomb  are  the  recumbent  riggers  of 
Leicester  and  his  pardner,  the  Countess  Lettice. 
Probbly  about  the  only  time  they  wuz  ever  so 
nigh  to  each  other  without  quarrellin',  and  this 
epitaph  sez,  after  givin'all  his  titles — more'n  enough 
of  'em— 

"His  most  sorrowful  wife  Letitia,  through  a 
sense  of  conjugal  love  and  fidelity,  has  put  up  this 
monument  to  the  best  and  dearest  of  husbands." 

She  must  have  been  a  fool,  for  besides  his  goin's 
on  with  the  queen  —  wrhich  would  made  me  as 
jealous  as  a  dog — a  learned  writer  says— 

"  According  to  every  appearance  of  probability, 
he  poisoned  his  first  wife,  disowned  his  second,  dis 
honored  his  third  before  he  married  her,  and  in 
order  to  marry  her,  murdered  her  first  husband, 
while  his  only  surviving  son  was  a  natural  child  by 
Lady  Sheffield." 

"The  best  of  husbands!"  What  wuz  Lettice 
a-thinkin'  on  ?  She'd  no  need  to  put  his  actin's  and 
cuttin's  up  on  a  tombstun.  I  wouldn't  advised 
her  to  ;  but  I  should  say  to  her — "  Now,  Lettice, 


368  SAM  AMI  I A    IN    EUROl'K. 

you  jest  put  onto  that  gravestun  a  good,  plain 
Bible  verse — 'The  Lord  be  merciful  to  me,  a  sin 
ner,'  or,  '  Now  the  weary  are  at  rest,' "  or  sunthin' 
like  that — I  should  have  convinced  her.  But,  then, 
I  wuzn't  there — I  wuz  born  a  few  hundred  years  too 
late,  and  so  it  had  to  be  ;  but  it  made  me  feel  bad 
to  see  it.  I  want  my  sect  to  have  a  little  self- 
respect. 

Al  Faizi  is  dretful  well-read  in  history,  and  he 
took  out  that  little  book  of  hisen,  and  copied  off 
the  hull  of  the  inscription  on  Leicester's  tomb,  all 
the  glowin'  eulogy  of  his  glorious  deeds,  which  he 
knew  wuz  false.  He  didn't  say  nothin',  as  usual, 
but  looked  quite  a  good  deal  as  he  writ. 

I  didn't  say  nothin'  to  him,  but  Josiah  will  att 
him  once  in  a  wrhile  about  his  writin',  and  he  sez 
now— 

"What  are  you  a-writin'  about,  Fazer  ?" 

He  turned  his  dreamy,  pleasant  eyes  onto  us, 
and  seemed  to  be  lookin'  some  distance  through 
us  and  beyend  us,  and  the  light  from  the  East 
winder  fell  warm  on  his  face  as  he  sez  evasively— 

"  Your  missionaries  tell  our  people  to  always 
tell  the  truth — that  we  will  be  lost  if  we  do  not." 

"  Wall,"  sez  Josiah,  "that  is  true." 

Al  Faizi  didn't  reply  to  him,  but  kep'  on 
a-writin'. 


SHOTTERY    AND    WARWICK   CASTLE.  369 

Wall,  £  happy  man  wuz  my  pardner  as  we  re 
turned  to  the  tarvern,  and  a  good,  refreshin'  meal 
of  vittles  wuz  spread  before  him.  He  done  jestice 
to  it — full  jestice — yes,  indeed  ! 

Wall,  the  next  mornin'  we  sot  out  for  the  Lake 
Deestrict,  accordin'  to  Martin's  first  plan,  which 
he'd  changed  some.  Sez  Martin,  as  we  wuz  talkin' 
it  over  that  evenin'- 

"  It  would,  perhaps,  be  expected  of  me  to  go 
on  and  visit  Oxford." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I  warmly,  "Thomas  J.  has  read  so 
much  to  me  about  Tom  Brown  at  Oxford,  it 
would  be  highly  interestin'  to  see  the  places  Tom 
thought  so  much  on." 

"  Yes,"  sez  Alice  with  enthoosiasm,  "  and  where 
Richard  the  Lion-hearted  was  born,  and  where 
Alfred  the  Great  lived." 

Sez  Josiah,  "  I  wouldn't  give  a  cent  to  see  where 
he  lived.  I. despise  fryin'  flap-jacks,  and  always  did, 
and  if  a  man  undertakes  to  fry  'em,  he  ort  to  tend  to 
'em  and  not  let  'em  burn." 

But  Alice  went  right  on,  "And  think  of  being 
in  the  place  which  William  the  Conqueror  in 
vaded  !" 

"And,"  sez  Al  Faizi,  "where  Latimer,  and  Rid 
ley,  and  Cranmer  were  burned  at  the  stake  for 
their  religion  by  Bloody  Mary." 


370 


SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 


It  beat  all  how  well-read  that,  heathen  is— he 
knows  more  than  the  schoolmaster  at  Jonesville, 
enough  sight. 

But  sez  Martin,  with  his  thumbs  inside  of  them 
armholes  of  hisen— 

"It  is  not  for  any 
such  trifling  reasons  that 
I  would  visit  Oxford, 
but,  as  I  say,  it  un 
doubtedly  would  be  ex 
pected  of  me,  if  it  was 
known  at  Oxford  that  I 
was  so  near,  that  I  would 
give  a  little  of  my  valua 
ble  time  to  them  ;  for 
there,  I  have  thought 
hard  of  sending  my  son 
to  finish  his  education. 

"  For  as  you  know, 
Cousin  Samantha,  my 
boy  is  to  have  the  best 
and  costliest  education  that  money  can  give. 
His  future  is  in  the  hands  of  one  who  will  look 
out  sharply  for  the  very  best  and  most  valuable 
means  of  education.  It  is  not  as  if  he  were 
a  common  child.  But  he  is  my  little  Partner- 
are  you  not,  Adrian  ?"  sez  he  fondly  to  the  little 


I    AM    GOING   TO    WORK    FOR   THE   POOR. 


SHOTTERV   AND    WARWICK    CASTLE.  3/1 

boy,    wko    wuz  lookin'   dreamily  out  of    the    win 
der. 

Adrian  turned,  and  the  gold  of  the  settin'  sun 
wuz  on  his  sweet  face. 

"  Your  father  will  look  out  for  your  future,  little 
Partner  ;  we  will  work  together  for  your  good,  will 
we  not,  my  boy  ?" 

Mebby  it  wuz  because  I  sot  there  so  nigh — meb- 
by  it  wuz  the  perfume  of  the  English  voyalets  Alice 
had  pinned  into  the  front  of  my  bask,  jest  like 
'em  I  wore  that  day,  but,  anyway,  some  recollec 
tion  seemed  to  take  him  back  to  that  time  at  Jones- 
ville,  for  he  sez,  jest  as  he  did  then— 

"  I  am  going  to  work  for  the  poor." 

"  Ah,  indeed  !"  sez  Martin,  smilin',  u  and  how 
will  you  do  it,  little  Partner  ?" 

Agin  he  turned  his  sweet  face  towards  us,  and 
agin  the  big,  earnest  eyes  and  sweet,  serious  mouth 
wuz  gilded  by  the  glowin',  yet  sad  smile  of  the 
sinkin'  sun. 

And  he  sez  simply,  "  I  don't  quite  know  how, 
Father,  but  I  know  I  shall  work  for  them,  and  help 
them  in  some  way." 

Wall,  Martin  dismissed  the  matter  with  a  laugh, 
but  I  kep'  the  words  in  my  heart,  and  believed 'em. 
I  believed  truly  that  the  Lord  would  lead  him,  and 
make  him  do  His  work. 


372  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

Wall,  I  kinder  wanted  to  visit  Mugby  Junction, 
as  Dickens  named  Rugby  Junction.  It  wuzn't  fur 
from  Warwick,  and  I'd  loved  to  seen  it,  and  eat  one 
of  them  sandwitches,  and  been  glared  at  by  the 
female  in  charge  there,  and  her  help,  and  seen  her 
poor,  browbeat  husband  and  the  />Vr,  but  didn't 
know  as  they  wuz  all  alive. 

And  if  they  wuz,  as  Josiah  well  sed,  sez  he.  "  My 
stumick  is  bad  enough  now,  without  eatin'  leather 
sandwitches." 

And  I  sez,  "  I'd  love  to  give  'em  my  recipe  for 
good  yeast  bread,  and  I'd  willin'ly  tell  'em  how  to 
make  delicious  sandwitches,  and  not  ask  a  cent  for 
it." 

Sez  I,  "  Take  good  minced  chicken,  or  lamb,  and 
a  little  mustard  and  sweet  butter,  and  a  pinch  of 
minced  onions  and— 

But  Josiah  interrupted  me,  ''They'd  only  look 
stunily  at  you  if  you  offered  your  services  ;  why," 
sez  he,  "they  always  look  as  if  they  feel  so  much 
above  you  at  our  railroad  stations  to  home,  that  you 
want  to  crawl  into  your  hand-bag  and  git  out  of 
their  way.  They'd  despise  your  overtoors." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "my  conscience  would  be  clear, 
and  travellers'  nightmairs  wouldn't  be  so  frequent." 

But  d  bystander  observed  that  they  had  good 
sandwitches  there  now. 


SHOTTERY    AND    WARWICK   CASTLE.  373 

Havip'  been  turned  round  in  their  stuny  and 
leather  course,  by  Dickens,  I  spoze. 

So  we  packed  up  our  things  and  started  in  pretty 
good  sperits  for  the  Lake  Deestrict. 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

THE    LAKE    DISTRICT    AND    ITS    POETS. 

WE  went  to  Windermere,  and  from  there  took 
the  omnibus  for  Bow  ness- 
One  of  the  charmin'est  little  villages  I  ever  sot 
my  eyes  on,  as  clean  as  my  kitchen  is  when  I  git 
it  all  swept  out.  The  housen  are  all  built  of  stun, 
and  some  on  'em  have  little  porches  built  out  on 
'em,  but  all  on  'em  overrun  with  ivy.  And  flowers 
and  pretty  climbin'  plants  make  every  house  at 
tractive,  and  not  a  mite  of  dust  or  dirt — I  wonder 
what  they  do  with  it  ? 

The  little  tarvern  where  we  stayed  wuz  so  clean 
and  comfortable  that  I  wondered  what  the  tarvern- 
keeper  and  his  wife  would  say  if  they  wuz  sot  down 
in  some  of  our  own  small  hotels.  It  wuz  a  lesson 
in  perfect  neatness  and  order,  the  hull  place  wuz. 

And  the  landscapes  all  round  the  little  village 
wuz  pretty  enough  to  frame,  and  we  see  'em  more 
or  less  all  the  while  we  stayed  there  ;  we  made  our 
headquarters  there,  and  sallied  out  for  excursions, 
a-lookin'  on  picters  on  every  side  on  us — green 
grass  and  foliage,  high,  tree-covered  hills,  little, 


THE    LAKE   DISTRICT   AND    ITS   POETS.  375 

lovely,  clean,  picturesque  villages  like  them  I  have 
described,  magnificent  country  seats,  with  grand  en 
trances  and  porters'  lodges,  and  stately  green  parks, 
and  fountains,  and  deers,  and  sleek  herds  of  cattle 
walkin'  through  on  the  velvet  grass  and  green  tree 
aisles,  and  cottages,  and  quaint  old  bridges,  and 
dark  stun  churches  half  covered  with  ivy. 

Bowness  is  on  the  shores  of  the  lake.  As  I  say, 
we  put  up  at  a  good  tarvern,  and  the  next  day  we 
sot  out  on  our  sight-seein'. 

The  waiter  at  the  tarvern  told  us  as  we  sot  out  on 
our  first  excursion  that  we  had  better  take  our 
waterproofs  and  umbrells. 

It  is  needless  to  say  that  I  had  my  faithful  um- 
brell  in  my  hand,  but  the  rest  hadn't,  so  they  got 
theirn,  and  I  went  back  for  my  waterproof,  and 
glad  enough  we  wuz,  for  before  night  we  wuz 
ketched  out  in  four  different  showers — good  drivin' 
ones,  but  short. 

Martin,  who  had  been  ust  to  fur  bigger  lakes- 
Michigan,  Ontario,  Superior,  and  sech — wuz  bitterly 
dissapinted  in  'em,  and  sez  he— 

"  A  trout  out  of  Lake  Superior  would  die  of 
thirst  in  one  of  these  lakes." 

And  Josiah,  who  had  been  up  on  our  lakes  on 
a  tower,  sed  that  those  lakes  would  make  a  pretty 
good  waterin'  trough  for  American  cattle ;  sez  he, 


3/6  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

"There  would  be  in  each  one  of  'em  as  much  as  an 
ordinary  Yankee  cow  would  want  to  drink." 

I  see  the  driver  a-lookin'  on  in  deep  surprise,  and 
sez  I,  "  Josiah  Allen,  remember  you  are  a  deacon  ; 
let  it  be  known  to  once  that  you  are  talkin'  in 
parables." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  I  would  want  to  be  took  in  that 
way,  but  they're  dum  small  potatoes  compared  to 
our  lakes." 

"  But  they're  beautiful,"  sez  I,  44and  are  full  of 
tender  associations."  Sez  I,  "  Look  at  the  poets  that 
have  hallowed  these  sacred  spots — Coleridge,  and 
Southey,  and  Wordsworth,  and  Mrs.  Hemans, 
and—" 

"  Wall,"  sez  Josiah,  interruptin'  me,  "  on  our 
lakes  there  is  me,  and— 

But  I  turned  away  in  silent  scorn,  and  looked 
out  on  the  beauty  of  the  seen.  Lovely  picters 
lay  round  us  on  every  side — wooded  shores,  lovely 
islands,  glowin'  waters — a  paneramy  of  beauty 
never  to  be  forgot. 

Dove's  Nest,  which  wuz  once  the  home  of 
Mrs.  Hemans,  I  looked  on  with  a  deep  interest, 
for  though  Felishy  and  I  didn't  think  alike  about 
little  Casey  Bianky,  who  "  stood  on  the  burnin' 
deck,"  and  I  should  have  approved  of  his  runnin' 
away  before  he  got  burnt  up,  still  I  respected  her 


THE    LAKE    DISTRICT   AND    ITS    POETS.  377 

for  quite  a  number  of  things,  and  as  I  meditated 
on  the  poets  who  had  loved  this  beautiful  place, 
and  lived  here  and  wrote  their  songs,  I  instinctively 
thought,  in  the  words  of  Felishy— 

"  Where  are  these  dreamers  now  ?" 

The  biggest  of  these  lakes  are  Windermere, 
Ullswater,  Conoston  and  Durwentwater,  but  there 
are  a  good  many  others.  And  they  are  all,  like  our 
Niagara  Falls  and  Thousand  Islands,  been  turned 
into  money-makin'  shows. 

Wall,  of  course  we  wanted  to  see— 

"  How  the  waters  come  down  to  Lodore." 

But  we  wuz  dretful  dissapinted,  for  the  water 
didn't  come  a-sweepin'  down  with  the  force  and 
fury  Mr.  Southey  described — not  at  all.  Josiah, 
who  had  hearn  Thomas  J.  read  the  poem,  wuz  mad 
to  think  it  wuzn't  so.  "  And,"  sez  he,  in  a  threatenin' 
way— 

"  I  could  tell  Mr.  Southey  that  we  didn't  know 
none  the  better  for  his  tellin'  *  How  the  waters 
come  down  to  Lodore.' 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "the  mill-dam  to  our  buzz-saw 
mill  in  Jonesville  is  furious  agin  as  this,  and  more 
noble  and  impressin'  lookin'  by  fur,  and,"  sez  he, 
gettin'  all  het  up,  "  I'd  love  to  tell  Mr.  Southey 
so." 


378  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Sez  I,  "  Josiah,  don't  git  nerved  up  and  talk  about 
jawin'  a  man  who  has  been  dead  for  more'n  fifty 
years."  Sez  I,  "  It  don't  sound  decent  in  you — he 
meant  well." 

Sez  I,  "  He  wuz  good  to  his  own  family,  and 
then  think  of  how  dretful  good  he  wuz  to  Cole 
ridge's  wife  and  children  ;  though,  to  be  sure,"  sez  I, 
"  they  wuz  relations  on  Her  side." 

"I  understand  that,"  sez  Josiah;  "he  could  do 
that  and  not  deserve  any  particular  thanks  to  him 
self.  I  know  how  that  is." 

I  see  he  wuz  insinuatin'  sunthin'  or  ruthcr,  but  I 
wuzn't  browbeat,  nor  wuzn't  led  off  by  him. 
Sez  I- 

"  He  writ  first-rate  prose,  and  wuz  Poet  Lauer- 
ate. 

"  That  wuz  what  might  be  expected,"  sez  Josiah. 

I  don't  exactly  know  what  he  did  mean  by  that, 
and  I  don't  believe  he  did. 

"  Then,"  sez  I,  "  he  wuz  the  greatest  talker  that 
ever  talked.  He  would  talk  for  hours  and  hours, 
without  gittin'  up,  or  those  gittin'  up  that  heard 
him." 

"  I  know  what  that  is,"  sez  Josiah  ;  "  that  don't 
raise  him  in  my  estimation ;  no,  Heaven  knows 
it  don't!" 

I  hain't  the  least  idee  what  he  meant  by  that,  but 


THE    LAKE    DISTRICT    AND    ITS    POETS. 


379 


he  foun^J  immegiately  that  I  wouldn't  multiply  any 
more  words  with  him. 

But,  as  I  sez,  it  wuz  a  comfort  to  visit  this  hant  of 
Southey,  and  I  wuzn't  goin'  to  see  him  run  down 
too  much  for  enlargin'  a  little  mite  about  the  power 
of  that  waterfall  ;  as  I  sez  to  Josiah— 

"  Sunthin'  ort  to  be  allowed  for  a  poet's  license." 

"  Oh,  yes,  that  is  so  ;  I  didn't 
think  of  it,"  sez  he.  "  I  thought 
it  wuz  a  barefaced  lie.  I  see," 
sez  he  ;  "I  make  use  of  one  of 
them  poet's  licenses  myself 
sometimes  ;  I  forgot." 

Wall,  the  waters  did  mean 
der  down  in  a  very  languishin' 
and  thin  sort  of  a  way,  and  I 
couldn't  deny  it,  but  the  sur- 
roundin's  wuz  beautiful  and 
the  associations  hantin'  and 
powerful  in  the  extreme. 

Wall,  while  we  wuz  in  that  neighborhood  I  see 
everything  I  could  of  the  remains  of  the  Lake 
School  of  Poets.  I  told  Josiah  I  wanted  to,  and  he 
sez— 

"  Wall,  I  d'no  .as  I'm  a-goin'  to  make  much  of  a 
effort  to  see  their  hants."  Sez  he,  "  Probble  they 
got  that  name,  Lake  Poet,  because  their  poetry 


MY    TONE    CHILLED    HIM    TO    THE    VEINS. 


380  SAMANTHA    IN   EUROPE. 

hain't  no  bigger  accordin'  than  the  lakes  be,  and  if 
that  is  so,  I  'don't  want  to  patronize  'em." 

"  Patronize !"  sez  I,  lookin'  several  icy  cold 
daggers  through  him.  "  I  have  to  stand  Martin's 
demeanors  and  acts,  though  they  are  harrowin'  to 
my  soul  and  sickenin'  to  the  stumick,  but  I  wont 
stand  by  and  have  my  own  pardner  talk  about 
patronizin'  Coleridge  and  Wordsworth."  Sez  I, 
''Talk  about  patronizin'  the  man  that  wrote  'The 
Ancient  Mariner.'  ' 

My  tone  chilled  him  to  the  veins,  and  he  walked 
off  some  distance  away.  And  my  mind  roamed  on 
that  weird  and  matchless  poem  I  had  heard  Thomas 
J.  read  so  much,  that  I  wuz  as  familiar  with  as  I 
wuz  with  the  Almanac. 

How  the  Ancient  Mariner— 

"  Held  the  wedding  guests  with  his  glittering  eye." 

And  how  that  belated  guest  "  beat  his  breast" 
as  he  heard  the  weddin'  guests  pass  in,  and  he  havin' 
to  set  out  on  a  stun  by  the  side  of  the  road,  and 
had  to  hear  this  "gray  beard  loon"  tell  his  story. 
For  the  old  Mariner  knew  the  one  he  had  to  tell  it 
to  when  the  fit  come  on,  and  so  that  weddin'  guest 
had  to  set  and  hear  that  most  weird  and  wonderful 
story  ever  told. 

And  at  last,  jest  as  he  released  that  poor,  tuckered- 


THE    LAKE   DISTRICT   AND   ITS    POETS.  381 

out  guest  (when  the  weddin'  wuz  all  over,  poor  dis- 
sapinted  creeter !),  how  he  ended  with  these  lines,  so 
noble  they  must  have  mollified  that  poor,  belated 

creeter— 

"  He  prayeth  best,  who  loveth  best 

All  things,  both  great  and  small, 
For  the  dear  God,  who  loveth  us, 
He  made  and  loveth  all." 

And  then  there  is  the  poem  of  Christabel, 
another  one  of  my  very  primest  favorites.  How 
many  times  the  truth  of  some  of  them  lines  have 
been  brung  up  to  me  in  my  own  native  land  of 
Jonesville  ! 

"  Alas  !   they  had  been  friends  in  youth, 
But  whispering  tongues  can  poison  truth." 

Alas  !  for  the  whisperin'  tongues  that  carry  the 
poison  of  asps  with  them.  Alas  !  for  the  hearts  and 
lives  that  through  their  malice  and  whisperin's  are 
torn  apart,  and  nothin'  can  atone  for  their  evil 
effects — nothin',  nothin 

"  Can  free  the  hollow  hearts  from  paining, 
They  stand  aloof,  the  stars  remaining. 
Like  cliffs  that  have  been  rent  asunder, 
A  dreary  sea  now  flows  between." 

Yes ;  my  mind  jest  dwelt  on  Mr.  Coleridge  all 
the  time  while  I  wuz  in  the  Lake  Deestrict.  But  we 
see  while  we  wuz  there  lots  of  other  places  of  great 


382  SAMANTHA    IX    EUROPE. 

interest  to  me.  Though,  as  I  sed,  the  Falls  of 
Lodore  didn't  fall  quite  so  much  as  he  had  depic- 
tered  'em,  yet  Rydal  Falls  wuz  a  seen  of  beauty 
and  enchantment,  with  the  water  flowin'  down 
through  the  rocks  and  overhangin'  trees.  It  wuz 
a  picter  to  always  remember,  to  frame  round  with 
admiration  and  hang  up  in  your  memory. 

And  then  there  wuz  a  promontory  called  Storr's 
Point,  which  had  a  observatory  built  on  it.  Here 
wuz  where  Sir  Walter  Scott,  Wordsworth,  Southey, 
and  Con  way  met  in  1825  to  see  a  regatta  gin  in 
Scott's  honor. 

It  must  have  been  a  pretty  sight,  the  scenery 
around  it  wuz  so  beautiful. 

And  then  we  see  Miss  Martineau's  handsome 
residence,  called  the  Knolls.  I  spoze  on  account 
of  its  being  built  on  quite  a  rise  of  ground. 

I  spoze  she  wuz  quite  a  likely  poetess,  and 
wrote  most  probble  twenty  books  on  every  subject, 
from  religion  and  politics  to  mesmerism  and 
handicraft.  But  Thomas  Jefferson  couldn't  never 
git  over  sunthin'  she  said  to  Charlotte  Bronte  in  a 
kind  of  a  fault-findin'  way  ;  it  jest  gaulded  Charlotte 
dretfully.  Poor  little  creeter  !  with  the  mind  of  a 
giant  and  the  body  of  a  child — a  glowin'  soul  of 
fire  and  the  shrinkin'  weakness  and  tenderness  of 
heart  of  a  young  child. 


THE    LAKE    DISTRICT   AND    ITS    POETS.  383 

Harriet  hadn't  ort  to  said  it — she   ort   to   known 

* 

that  God  don't  send  a  genius  any  too  often  onto 
this  dull  earth,  and  folks  ort  to  prize  'em  and  guard 
'em  when  He  duz  ;  but  folks  don't ;  they  pick  at 
'em,  and  they  have  to  stan'  it,  and  build  up  a  stun 
wall  of  endurance  and  constant  anguish  of  patience 
between  these  tormentors  and  their  own  souls  and 
sensitive  feelin's.  And  then  set  behind  that  barri 
cade  and  try  to  write.  And  folks  only  see  the  stun 
work,  and  don't  see  what  it  wuz  raised  for,  and  they 
call  'em  cold,  and  cross,  and  unfeelin',  and  etc.,  etc., 
etc. 

But  they  hain't  cold,  nor  etc.,  etc.,  etc. — no  sech 
thing. 

But  I  am  a-eppisodin',  and  to  resoom. 

I  presoom  that  one  thing  that  made  Harriet  sour 
and  kinder  hard  sometimes  wuz  she  wuz  so  deef  ; 
not  a-knowin'  any  of  the  time  what  other  wim- 
men  wuz  a-sayin'  about  her — behind  her  back,  or 
to  her  face  either  ;  it's  enough  to  sour  any  disposi 
tion,  only  the  very  sweetest  ones. 

Wall,  we  went  to  Hawkeshead,  where  Words 
worth  went  to  school,  Martin  sayin'  he  should 
probble  be  asked  if  he  had  seen  the  old  school-house. 

It  wuz  a  old  schoolhouse  a  hundred  years  ago, 
when  Wordsworth  went  to  school  there. 

It  is  a  little,  old-fashioned  place,  and   Martin  put 


SAM  A  NTH  A    IN    EUROPE. 

his  fingers  in  his  vest  pockets,  and  leaned  back,  and 
looked  round  him  some  as  if  he  wuz  a-patronizin' 
them  old  memories  with  which  the  place  wuz 
filled. 

Good    land  !    he'd    no  need  to  ;    them   memories 
towered  up  and  filled  the  hull  place,  and  floated  off 
round    it    into    the    serene,    beautiful 
English    landscape,   and    up    towards 
the  blue  heavens  above. 

Martin  couldn't  quell  'em  down 
with  his  leanin's  back,  and  thumbs  in 
his  armholes,  and  patronizin'  ways. 

I  sot  down  to  the  poor,  shabby 
old  bench  to  which  he  had  sot,  and 
see  the  very  spot  where  the  boy  Billy 
had  cut  his  name  in  the  rough  old 
desk.  Mebby  he  got  licked  for  it— 
I  shouldn't  wonder  a  mite.  The 
teacher  not  knowin'  that  though  he 

MARTIN  WITH  HIS  PATRONIZIN'  WAYS.      mjght  be  slapped  }n  youth>  and  laughed 

at  by  Reviewers  in  early  manhood,  yet  a  great  man 
—a  man  of  simple  manners,  and  a  soul  of  genius 
sot  there  at  that  desk,  jest  as  the  great  oak  wuz  hid 
in  the  heart  of  the  acorn  in  Billy's  pocket,  mebby, 
at  the  time. 

I  had  quite  a  large  number  of  emotions  as  I   sot 
there — probble  upwards  of  seventy-five. 


THE   LAKE   DISTRICT   AND    ITS   POETS.  385 

Wall,  of  course  we  went  to  Rydal  Mount,  the 
home  where  he  lived  and  worked,  and  to  Grass- 
mere,  where  he  lays  asleep  with  his  kindred. 

The  south  wind  waved  the  branches  of  the  trees 
that  stood  jest  a  little  ways  from  the  simple  slabs. 

Not  fur  off  wuz  the  grave  of  Hartley  Coleridge, 
son  of  Wordsworth's  friend — a  son  who  inherited 
all  the  splendor  and  weakness  of  his  father's  nater. 

He  drinked  ! 

But  some  of  his  sonnets  are  upliftin'  in  the  ex 
treme. 

"  Poor  creeter  !  what  he  could  have  been  if  he 
had  left  stimulants  alone,"  I  sez  to  my  pardner,  as 
we  looked  down  on  his  quiet  grave. 

And  he  sez,  "  There  you  be  agin — meetin'-housen 
and  castles  can't  stop  you,  nor  buryin'-grounds 
skair  you  out ;  I'm  sick  of  your  dum  W.  C.  T.  U. 
talk  !" 

I  felt  too  riz  up  to  argy  with  him,  but  I  felt 
deeply  the  truth  of  what  whiskey  had  done  in  his 
case.  And  as  to  his  pa,  I  said  to  myself,  "  Weak 
ness  of  will,  and  opium,  mebby,  stood  in  the  way 
of  the  world's  seein'  another  Shakespeare — not  jest 
like  him,  but  a  new  and  uneek  type  of  poet  ;  jest 
as  great  and  dazzlin',  but  different  as  one  big  star 
differs  from  another — all  on  'em  a-flashin'  out  light 
onto  a  dark,  dull  world. 


386 


SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 


Alice  felt  deeply  the  sweet  sadness  of  the  spot— 
the  quiet  beauty  of  the  landscape  round  us,  the 
bird's  song  in  the  green  branches  overhead,  and  the 

low,  sweet  song  of  the 
little  stream,  the  south 
wind  amongst  the  trees. 
She  stood  under  a 
tree  lookin'  up  through 
it  into  the  sky  overhead, 
followin'  the  flight  of  a 
bird.  Her  face  looked 
so  sweet — so  sweet  that 
I  thought  if  Words 
worth  was  here  he 
would  be  reminded  of 
his  own  lines,  and  think 
that- 

"  Beauty  born  of  murmur 
ing  sound 

Had     passed      into     her 
face." 

Her  face  had  a  good 
look   to     it,     too,    that 
made  me  think  that  she  \vuz  a-goin'  to  make— 

"  A  perfect  woman,  nobly  planned, 
To  warn,  to  comfort  and  command, 
And  yet  a  spirit  still  and  bright, 
With  something  of  an  angel's  light." 


A    LIVIN'    POEM    BOUND    UP    IN    A   GIRL'S    SWEET    BODY. 


THE    LAKE   DISTRICT   AND   ITS   POETS.  387 

Al  Faizi  felt  this,  I  see — I  could  see  that  by  his 
face.  But  /  knew,  havin'  seen  her  tired  out  and 
kinder  fraxious  when  her  shoes  hurt  her  feet  or  a 
hairpin  pierced  her,  or  her  cosset  pinched  her,  etc., 
I  knew  she  wuz  a  creeter— 

"  Not  too  bright  or  good 
For  human  nature's  dally  food, 
For  transient  sorrows,  simple  wiles, 
Praise,  blame,  love,  kisses,  tears  and  smiles." 

But  he  see  her  only  as  a  "  lovely  apparition,"  a 
"  phantom  of  delight." 

I  felt  that  as  he  stood  there  in  that  rapt  moment 
he  see  all  the  beauty  of  nater  through  her — he  see 
rock  and  plain,  earth  and  Heaven,  glade  and  bower. 
I  methought  he  wuz  sayin'  to  himself  as  he  looked 
at  her— 

"  The  floating  clouds  their  state  shall  lend 
To  her  ;  for  her  the  willow  bend  ; 

Nor  shall  she  fail  to  see, 
Even  in  the  motions  of  the  storm, 
Grace  that  shall  mould  the  maiden's  form 
By  silent  sympathy. 

"  The  stars  of  midnight  shall  be  dear 
To  her  ;  and  she  shall  lean  her  ear 

In  many  a  secret  place, 
When  rivulets  dance  their  wayward  round, 
And  beauty,  born  of  murmuring  sound, 

Shall  pass  into  her  face." 


388  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

And  I  felt,  too,  in  view  of  what  I  knew,  that  all 
that  would  be  left  of  Al  Faizi  in  the  futer  would  be 
the  memory  of  what  had  been  and  never  more 
would  be.  Yes,  all  took  up  as  he  wuz  with  the 
poets  of  the  western  world,  he  wuz  more  heart  in 
terested  in  the  livin'  poem  bound  up  in  a  girl's  sweet 
body.  And  he  turned  away  from  the  hants  of 
poets  to  look  in  her  sweet  face. 

Poor  creeter  !  I  see  what  he  didn't  spoze  I  did, 
and  all  the  rest  wuz  deef  and  dum — deef  as  posts 
and  dum  as  adders. 

But  I  am  a-eppisodin'  and  to  resoom. 

We  sot  out  for  London  the  next  day. 


CHAPTER  XX. 

THE    ARRIVAL.  IN    LONDON. 

MARTIN,  who  owned,  or  pretty  nigh  owned,  sev 
eral  railroads,  wuz  dretful  talkative  about  the  supe 
rior  merits  of  our  cars,  etc.  And,  to  tell  the  truth, 
these  English  cars  did  seem  quite  a  good  deal  like 
ridin'  in  a  wagon,  or  a  old-fashioned  coach,  where 
you  set  facin'  each  other,  and  they  wuz  pretty  low, 
made  so  as  to  not  bump  our  heads  when  goin' 
through  covered  bridges,  I  guess. 

Of  course,  Martin  paid  for  the  best  there  wuz, 
and  we  had  a  hull  car  to  ourselves,  all  cushioned  and 
fixed  off  in  the  nicest  manner,  and  after  we  all  got 
in  we  felt  very  comfortable  all  alone  by  ourselves  if 
we'd  wanted  to.  And  ever  and  anon  a  basket  of 
good  refreshments  to  refresh  ourselves  would  be 
handed  in  to  us.  But  it  filled  me  with  borrow  to  see 
bottles  of  beer,  wine,  etc.,  in  every  one  of  'em,  and  I 
sez  to  myself — "Who  and  what  did  they  spoze  I 
wuz  ?" 

I  wuz  indignant  to  think  that  they  should  dast  to 
offer  she  that  wuz  once  Samantha  Smith  bottles  of 
intoxicants. 


390  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Josiah  kinder  hefted  the  bottle  in  our  basket, 
and  said  dreamily  sunthin'  about  when  you  wuz  in 
Rome  of  doin'  as  the  Romans  did.  But  I  sez  to 
him  coldly— 

"  Be  you  a  deacon  or  be  you  not  ?  Are  you  a 
member  of  the  Temperance  Society  in  Jonesville,  or 
are  you  not  ?" 

And  he  kinder  wriggled  round  oneasy  in  his  seat 
and  laid  the  bottle  down.  If  it  hadn't  been  for  me, 
I  tremble  to  think  what  would  have  been  the  result 
to  Jonesville  and  the  world  at  large. 

Ever  and  anon  the  guide  would  walk  along  side 
ways  by  our  winder  and  go  the  hull  length  of  the 
train,  for  all  I  know  a-seein'  to  us.  I  don't  see  what 
hendered  him  from  fallin'  off.  It  wuz  sunthin'  I 
wouldn't  have  done  for  a  dollar  bill.  I  never  wuz 
any  hand  to  walk  sideways,  even  on  the  ground. 

But,  howsumever,  there  wuzn't  any  casualties  re 
ported. 

Another  thing  that  did  seem  strange  to  us  wuz 
that  we  didn't  have  any  checks  for  our  baggage  to 
take  care  on.  That  seems  dretful  queer  to  Ameri 
cans  to  have  to  go  out  and  hunt  round  and  find  our 
own  trunks.  Though  we  had  no  trouble  with  ourn, 
for  it  wuz  a  very  valuable  one,  and  easy  to  be  recog 
nized  with  the  naked  eye.  It  wuz  a  trunk  that  be 
longed  to  Father  Allen,  and  made  on  honor,  and  it 


THE   ARRIVAL   IN    LONDON. 


391 


lasted  him  through  his  life,  and  then  descended  onto 
Josiah — and  will,  we  think,  descend,  as  good  as  new, 
onto  Thomas  Jefferson. 

One  reason  it  has  wore  so  well  is,  I  spoze,  that 
Father  Allen  never  took  but  one  trip  in  his  life 
with  it,  and  that  wuz  up  to  Canada.  That  journey 
lasted  him  for  a  story  all  his  days  ;  he  wuz  looked 
upon  with  considerable  or  as  a  highly  travelled  man. 

The  trunk  is  covered  with  hair  of  a  good  gray 
color  and  trimmed  off  handsome  with  brass  nails. 
And  Josiah,  to  make  sure  of  its  not  bein'  stole, 
writ  our  names  in  bright,  brass-headed  tacks.  It 
took  him  quite  a  spell.  He  sed  he  believed  in 
doin'  the  fair  thing  by  me,  so  it  reads— 

"  JOSIAH  AND   SAMANTHA  ALLEN, 

JONESVILLE, 

U.  S." 

Them  last  letters  he  sed  wuz  a  stroke  of  genius. 
He  sed  the  English 
people  would  be  so 
tickled  when  they  see 
it,  for  they  would  see 
in  a  minute  that  he  and 
me  had  really  come 
over  !  We  wuz  there  ! 

"  US  !"       Samantha     and  THEM  LETTERS  wuz  A  STROKE  OF  GENIUS. 


392  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Josiah  !  and  then,  too,  it  would  stand  for  the  United 
States. 

He  made  them  two  letters  of  a  little  bigger  nails, but 
they  wuz  all  good  sized,  and  a  very  bright  brass  color. 

And  truly  it  did  seem  as  if  England  wuz  glad  to 
have  us  there,  for  I  don't  remember  of  seein'  a  sin 
gle  Englishman  that  looked  at  that  trunk  that 
didn't  laugh  when  he  see  it,  or  smile  warmly.  Yes, 
they  wuz  glad  enough  to  have  us  there. 

Martin  didn't  see  the  trunk  until  we  arrove  at  the 
steamer,  and  it  affected  him  different.  He  looked 
fairly  stunted  and  browbeat  when  he  sot  his  eyes 
on  it  ;  evidently  he  thought  it  wuz  a  pity  to  run 
the  resk  of  jammin'  it,  or  gittin'  the  nails  rusty,  for 
sez  he  : 

"  Good  Heavens  !  let  me  get  you  a  new  trunk  ! 
It  isn't  too  late  !"  And  he  rushed  off  like  a  man  half 
distracted. 

But  it  wuz  too  late,  for  the  bell  rung  in  a  minute, 
and  we  sot  sail. 

But  Martin  never  see  it  durin'  that  hull  trip  but 
he  looked  on  it  with  that  same  look  of  or — a  kind 
of  a  dark,  questionin'  or. 

Alice  jest  laughed  when  she  see  it.  She  liked  its 
looks,  we  could  see,  though  she  didn't  come  right 
out  and  say  so. 

But  Adrian  sed  it  wuz  the  most  beautiful  thing 


THE   ARRIVAL    IN    LONDON.  393 

he  ever  j>aw  in  his  life.  And  he  beset  Josiah  to 
put  his  name  on  one  of  their  trunks  with  the  same 
kind  of  nails. 

And  Josiah,  who  had  took  a  few  along  to  repair 
damages  in  ourn,  in  case  we  should  lose  some  of  the 
nails,  or  some  envious  Englishman  should  steal  'em 
out,  stood  ready  to  do  it. 

But  Martin  broke  it  up.  I  guess  he  thought 
that  Adrian  wuz  too  young  to  go  into  sech  extrava 
gances.  They  had  four  trunks  between  'em,  but 
not  so  much  luggage  as  the  English  carry  round 
with  'em.  They  beat  all,  baskets,  bundles,  portman- 
tys — as  they  call  their  trunks — and  hat-boxes  and 
rugs  and  bath-tubs. 

The  idee  !  What  would  we  be  thought  on  in 
America  if  we  lugged  round  sech  things.  Josiah, 
who  always  hankers  after  style,  sed  he  was  most 
sorry  we  didn't  take  our  enamelled  wash-dish.  Sez 
he,  "  It  would  have  looked  dretful  genteel ;"  sez  he, 
"  We  could  have  lashed  it  to  our  trunk  with  some 
red  cord,  and  it  would  have  looked  so  stylish." 

"  Oh,  shaw  !"  sez  I. 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  when  you're  in  Rome,  do  as 
the  Romans  do,  and,"  sez  he,  "  I'd  love  to  let  the 
English  that  carry  round  their  bath-tubs  see  that 
*  U.  S.,'  the  ones  that  own  that  trunk,  know  what 
gentility  is  and  what  style  is." 


394  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

But  I  wouldn't  gin  in  to  the  idee,  though  he  as 
good  as  sed  that  he  stood  ready  to  buy  a  new  wash- 
dish  for  the  venter. 

But  economy  prevailed,  not  common  sense,  but 
jest  closeness.  I  see  in  his  mean  that  he  wuz  givin' 
up  the  idee,  as  I  told  him  that  with  the  care  I 
would  give  it  the  wash-dish  we  had  would  last  for 
years  and  years. 

Wall,  we  got  to  London  in  what  ort  to  be  the 
daytime,  but  it  wuz  as  dark  as  pitch  with  fog,  and 
how  we  wuz  ever  goin'  to  git  through  them  streets, 
full  of  blackness  and  roar,  roar  and  blackness,  wuz 
more'n  I  could  tell. 

I  leaned  back  in  that  omnibus  time  and  agin 
durin'  that  trip,  truly  feelin'  that  my  hour  had  come. 

As  Josiah  told  me  afterwards,  in  talkin'  it  over— 
I  wuz  a-dwellin'  on  my  feelin's  durin'  the  epock, 
and  he  wanted  to  outdo  me,  I  guess,  and   sez  he— 

"  I  know  jest  how  you  felt,  Samantha ;  I  too 
felt,  in  the  words  of  another,  as  if  '  every  breath  I 
drawed  would  be  my  next.' ' 

Sez  I,  "You meant  your  last." 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  my  last ;  it  wuz  a  dretful  time." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "I  put  my  trust  in    Providence 
—a  good  deal  of  the  time  I  did." 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  so  did  I.  I  wuz  jest  ground 
down  to  it  that  I  had  to." 


THE   ARRIVAL   IN    LONDON. 


395 


"Wall,"  sez  I,  "  less  be  thankful  that  we  got  out 

0 

alive — out  of  that  black,  movin',  rumblin'  roar." 

We  wuz  talkin'  it  over  in  our  room  that  night, 
a  good,  comfortable  room,  with  all  the  modern  im 
provements.  It  wuz  a  hotel  for  Americans  that 
Martin  had  gone  to,  and  it  wuz  jest  like  the  best 
of  our  American  tarverns. 

Josiah  sez,  when  he  see  the  bright  lights  in  our 
room,  "  Thank  Heaven,  I  won't  have  to  use  my 
candles  !" 

He  had  hearn  that  "folks  had  to  furnish  their 
own  lights  in  England,  so  he'd  lugged  round  a 
couple  of  taller  candles,  run  in  our  own  candle 
moulds  to  home. 

I  told  him  not  to,  but  he  sed  he  wuzn't  goin'  to 
pay  no  high  price  for  lights  when  we  had  a  hull 
soap-box  full  under  the  suller  stairs.  So  he  had 
took  'em  at  the  resk  of  spilin'  his  dressin'-gown,  as 
I  told  him. 

"  No,  I  don't  resk  that,"  sez  he  ;  "  that  is  to  the 
top  of  the  trunk.  The  candles  are  packed  down 
with  my  Sunday  suit  to  the  bottom  of  the  trunk." 

I  changed  their  position. 

But  his  feelin's  for  that  dressin'- 
gown  are  simply  idolatrous,  as  I  tell 
him — specially  the  tossels. 

And  he  said  he  "  never  thought 


A   HULL   SOAP-BOX   FULL 


396  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

of  makin'  idols  of  'em — worshippin'  a  tossel!" 
sez  he,  scorfin'ly.  But  he  duz  think  too  much 
on't. 

Wall,  the  next  mornin'  the  fog  seemed  to  be 
lowered  a  little.  I  could  see  the  sun,  or  pretty 
nigh  see  it,  which  I  felt  wuz  indeed  a  blessin' ;  and 
after  a  good  breakfast  we  sot  off  on  a  excursion. 

I  had  sed  from  the  first  minute  London  wuz 
talked  on,  that  Westminster  Abbey  wuz  my  first 
gole,  and  the  rest  seemed  to  feel  a  good  deal  as 
I  did.  Al  Faizi  and  Alice  wuz  dretful  anxious 
to  see  it,  and  Martin  sed— 

He  thought  it  wuz  probble  what  would  be  ex 
pected  of  him,  and  if  he  wuz  summoned  home 
on  account  of  his  business,  he  said  he  must  be 
able  to  say  that  he  had  been  to  Westminster  Ab 
bey,  anyway. 

So  he  engaged  a  big  carriage,  and  we  sot  off, 
Josiah  kinder  laggin'  back  and  actin'  onwillin'.  He 
had  found  a  New  York  World  in  the  readin'-room 
for  the  first  time  sence  he  left  home,  and  he  sed 
openly— 

That  he  had  ruther  stay  to  home  with  his  dressin'- 
gown  on  and  read  that  paper  than  to  see  any 
Abbey  that  ever  wuz  born. 

He  thought  it  wuz  some  noted  woman,  and  I 
wuz  deeply  touched  by  his  preference,  and  cast- 


THE   ARRIVAL   IN   LONDON.  397 

iron  principle  ;  but  I  explained,  and  would  make 
him  go.  So  we  sot  off. 

Wall,  the  first  view  I  got  of  that  imposin'  edifice 
looked  jest  as  nateral  as  could  be  ;  for  Thomas  J. 
has  got  a  big  photograph  of  it  framed  in  his  office, 
with  the  two  great,  high  towers,  225  feet  high,  and 
the  big  Gothic  winder  between  'em,  and  the  great 
Gothic  door  below.  The  buildin'  is  a  immense 
one  ;  it  is  built  in  the  form  of  a  cross,  and  is  more'n 
five  hundred  feet  long. 

I  can  tell  you,  I  had  a  sight — a  sight  of  emotions, 
and  about  as  large  sized  ones  as  I  ever  had,  as  I 
stood  inside,  under  them  lofty  arches,  full  of  the 
mellow  light  of  the  stained-glass  winders,  and  looked 
off  down,  down  that  long  colonnade  of  pillows,  at 
the  end  of  which,  fur  off,  is  the  chapel  of  Edward 
the  Confessor. 

This  chapel  is  full  of  the  tombs  of  kings  and 
queens — Henry  III.,  in  brass,  lyin'  on  top  of  a  huge 
porphery  tomb  ;  Edward  I.  and  his  queen,  Eleanor, 
who  sucked  the  poison  from  her  husband's  wound 
in  Palestine;  and  Queen  Philippi,  who  put  down 
a  insurrection  in  Scotland,  while  her  pardner,  Ed 
ward  III.,  wuz  away  from  home. 

Noble  creeters  !  I  wuz  proud  on  'em  as  I  thought 
over  their  likely,  riz-up  deeds.  I  couldn't  have  done 
more  for  my  Josiah,  and  I  felt  it  as  I  looked  on  'em. 


398  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Wall,  I  said  that  the  very  first  place  I  wanted  to 
see  vvuz  the  place  sacred  to  the  Great  Dead.  So  I 
went  off  kinder  by  myself,  as  I  spozed,  led  by  a 
guide,  but  the  rest  follered  on  after  me. 

Martin  said  that  if  a  telegram  should  recall  him 
home  sudden,  he  spozed  it  would  be  expected  of 
him,  anyway,  to  say  that  he  had  stood  by  the  monu 
ments  to  Shakespeare,  Dickens,  Thackeray,  etc.,  in 
Westminster  Abbey.  Sez  he,  "  I  have  never  read 
the  poems  of  the  last  two  gentlemen,  but  I  hear 
that  they  are  very  creditable  ;  so  much  so,  that  I 
have  heard  their  names  mentioned  often,  and  1 
would  like  to  say  that  I  have  stood  by  their  re 
mains." 

I  didn't  say  nothin'  to  Martin,  but  the  feelin's  as 
I  stood  right  by  the  side  of  that  man  made  a  deep 
gulf  that  swep'  him  fur  off  away  from  me,  and  swep' 
me  back  into  a  life  that  seemed  more  real,  almost, 
than  my  own. 

Little  fingers  plucked  at  my  gown,  as  it  were, 
and,  lookin'  down,  I  see  the  brave,  patient  face  of 
Little  Nell,  and  Tiny  Tim,  and  David  Copperfield, 
and  the  old-fashioned  looks  of  little  Paul  Dombey, 
and  Little  Rowdey,  Becky  Sharp's  neglected  boy  ; 
and  little  Clive  Newcome's  sturdy  figger  wuz 
pushed  away  anon  by  the  tall,  slender  figger  that 
walked  by  his  cousin  Ethel  Newcome's  side  with 


THE   ARRIVAL   IN   LONDON.  399 

a  achin'  heart.     I  seemed  to  hear  the  Old  Colonel 
saying  -"  adsum  "  to  the  Heavenly  roll-call. 

Mrs.  Gummidge's  melancholy  voice,  recallin'  the 
"old  un',"  mingled  with  Peggotty's  comfortin' 
talk  and  tender  words  to  "Little  Em'ly ;"  Mrs. 
Micawber,  bearin'  the  twins,  passed  on  before  me  ; 
Micawber,  Dombey,  Pecksniff,  Little  Dorrit's 
patient  form,  Bella  Wilfer's  handsome,  wilful  face 
went  by  me,  a-lookin'  up,  coquettish,  but  lovin',  into 
the  sad,  reasonable  eyes  of  "Our  Mutual  Friend." 


CHAPTER    XXI. 

WESTMINSTER    AND    PARLIAMENT    HOUSES. 

I  SEE  Captain  Cuttle  and  Bunsby  fleein'  from 
Mrs.  McStinger,  and  Wall'r  Boy  and  his  uncle, 
and  Susan  Nipper  and  Toots,  and  Mrs.  Pipchin, 
and  sweet  Florence  a-walkin'  by  the  Little  Brother 
where  the  wild  waves  were  talkin'  to  him  and  the 
silver  sails  a-beckonin'  him  over  into  a  fur  country- 
David  Copperfield  ;  Dora,  the  child  wife  ;  Agnes 
Wickfield,  with  her  finger  on  her  lips,  and  a-pintin' 
upwards  ;  dear  Aunt  Betsy  Trotwood,  and  Oliver 
and  Nicholas  Nickleby ;  Mrs.  Jellaby,  with  her 
dress  onhooked  and  droppin'  papers  with  absent 
eyes,  and  Esther  and  Guardy,  and  Skimpole  and 
the  little  Pardiggles— 

How  the  crowd  swep'  by  me  !  It  wuz  a  sight. 

Ophelia  passed  by  with  her  apron  full  of  flowers, 
and  she  said  to  me,  with  a  sad  look  out  of  her  sweet 
dark  eyes— 

"  Here  is  rosemary,  I  pray  you,  love,  remem 
ber." 

Truly,  I  didn't  need  her  reminder — my  soul  wuz 
all  rousted  up  and  a-rememberin'. 


WE    STOOD    LONG   AND    SILENTLY   BY   THE   GRAVES   OF   THE   GREAT   DEAD. 


402  SAMANTHA  IN   EUROPE. 

I  remembered  the  young  feller  she  kep'  company 
with — yes,  indeed!  Hamlet,  "the  expectancy  and 
rose  of  the  fair  state."  His  shadder  follered  her 
clost,  and  I  almost  said  to  him  with  Horatio,  "  Good 
night,  sweet  prince." 

But  he  looked  kinder  curous — he  wuz  a  little  off 
and  acted,  and,  poor  creeter  !  so  wuz  she,  too  ;  I  felt 
to  pity  'em  both,  and  anon  she  seemed  to  be  singin' 
the  song  that  Hamlet  ust  to  sing  to  her  when  he 
wuz  a-waitin'  on  her  : 

"  Doubt  that  the  stars  are  fire, 

Doubt  that  the  sun  doth  move  ; 
Believe  that  truth  is  a  liar, 
But  never  doubt  that  I  love." 

She  believed  still  in  his  constancy.  She  wuz  a 
good  deal  out  of  her  head. 

Then  Rosalind  and  Queen  Catharine's  stately 
figger  glided  by  ;  and  eloquent  Portia  and  Lady 
Macbeth  a-holdin'  up  her  lamp,  a-lightin'  her  on  to 
crime — the  light  a-shinin'  back  into  her  dark,  evil 
face— 

And  old  King  Lear,  with  faithful  Cordelia  a-hold 
in'  his  tremblin'  old  arms,  and  a-helpin'  him  along. 

Then,  feelin'  pensive — II  Penseroso,  I  seemed  to 
see  John  Milton's  blind  eyes  lookin'  into  Paradise, 
and  the  Fairy  Queen  seemed  to  look  down  on  us 


WESTMINSTER  AND    PARLIAMENT   HOUSES.         403 

from  the  tablet  of  Spenser,  and  "  Rare  Ben  Jon- 
son,"  Chaucer,  John  Dryden,  Thomas  Gray— 

I  wuz  a-walkin'  back  with  him  in  the  old  church 
yard — "  Where  the  rude  forefathers  of  the  hamlet 
sleep"- 

When  Martin  interrupted  me,  and  sez  he — "  Gray, 
Thomas  Gray,  I  suppose  that  is  the  father  of  Lady 
Jane  Gray." 

I  didn't  dispute  him,  but  as  I  looked  at  him 
a-leanin'  back  and  a-feelin'  big,  I  allegored  to 
myself— 

"  We  don't  need  to  remember  Micawber  or  Dom- 
bey  ;  we've  got  a  livin'  curosity  with  us." 

Al  Faizi  wuz  deeply  interested  in  the  Poet's  Cor 
ner.  He  stood"  long  and  silently  by  the  graves  of 
the  great  dead,  and  his  face  wuz  a  deep  mirror  of 
his  thoughts. 

Alice  wuz  very  much  interested  in  'em,  too. 

But  as  I  stood  by  Goldsmith's  grave — a-seein', 
with  my  mind's  eye,  Mrs.  Primrose  and  Olivia  and 
the  good  Vicar  a-moralizin'  at  'em— 

I  hearn  Josiah  say  to  Adrian— 

"  Oliver,  goldsmith."  Sez  he — "  I  spoze  Mr. 
Oliver  wuz  the  best  goldsmith  in  England,  or  he 
wouldn't  be  layin'  here.  He  probble  made  the 
crowns  and  septers  they  all  have  to  wear  in  these 
monarkiel  countries." 


404  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

I  turned  round,  and  sez  I,  "The  metal  that  Gold 
smith  used  wuz  purer  gold  than  that—it  wuz  the 
rare  wealth  of  a  faultless  style." 

"  That's  what  I  said,"  sez  Josiah — "  stylish  jewelry, 
and  septers,  and  sech." 

But  I  explained  it  all  out  to  Adrian,  and  kep' 
him  by  me  all  I  could. 

Alice  drawed  my  attention  to  the  bust  of  Long 
fellow,  our  own  poet,  and  my  emotions  swep'  me 
off  quite  a  long  ways,  clear  from  this  old  Abbey 
to— 

"  Where  descends  from  the  Atlantic 
The  gigantic 
Storm  winds  of  the  equinox." 

Yes,  he  seemed  to  bear  me  clear  to  the  musical 
murmurs  of  Minnehaha,  Laughing  Water,  and  from 
Acadia  to  Spain.  I  travelled  fur  and  wide. 

And  then  there  wuz  the  tomb  of  Thomas 
Campbell  and  Matthew  Prior  and  James  Watt  and 
Mrs.  Siddons.  Not  all  in  one  place  are  these  tab 
lets  and  busts  and  monuments,  but  my  mind  seems 
to  kinder  gather  'em  in  together  as  I  look  back. 

The  most  elegant  chapel  in  the  Abbey  is  that  of 
Henry  VII.      Its  noble  arched  ceilin'  is  exquisitely 
ornamented    and    carved — flowers,    vines,    armorial' 
designs,   etc.,  etc.,   in    almost    bewilderin'    richness 


WESTMINSTER   AND    PARLIAMENT   HOUSES.         405 

and  profusion.      Henry  and  his  wife   Elizabeth  the 
last  to  rafn  of  the  House  of  York. 

In  this  chapel  is  also  the  tomb  of  poor  Mary, 
Queen  of  Scots,  with  her  figger  in  alabaster  on  top 
of  it. 

If  it  wuzn't  in  alabaster — if  she  wuz  alive,  and  if 
the  kings  and   queens   wuz  also  alive  and  actin'- 
what  a  time  there  would  be  in  that  old  Abbey  ! 

If  that  exquisite  body  had  agin  that  rare  gift  of 
magnetism — or,  I  d'no  what  it  wuz,  anyway,  it 
wuz  sunthin'  that  drawed  men  to  her  despite  their 
own  will,  and,  it  is  needless  to  say,  aginst  their 
pardners'  wishes — what  a  time,  what  a  time  there 
would  be  ! 

How  the  emperors  and  kings  and  princes  that 
now  stood  so  still  and  demute  would  gather  round 
her  !  How  the  wives  would  draw  back  and  glare  ! 
And  mebby  some  on  'em,  bein'  quick-tempered, 
would  throw  their  septers  at  her. 

Poor  creeter !  mebby  it's  jest  as  well  that  she  is 
made  of  alabaster ;  for  not  fur  from  her  is  the 
tomb  of  Queen  Elizabeth,  a-layin'  down  guarded  by 
four  lions. 

She'd  a-needed  'em,  Lib  would,  if  she'd  a-ex- 
pected  to  keep  her  lovers  from  a-follerin'  after 
Mary.  She  wuz  a  jealous  creeter,  and  vain,  al 
though  a  middlin'  good  calculator. 


406  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

But  Raleigh,  and  Leicester,  etc.,  etc. — lions 
couldn't  a-kep'  'em  from  the  prettiest  woman — no, 
indeed ! 

In  the  same  vault  is  Bloody  Mary,  who  burnt  up 
about  seventy  folks  a  year  durin'  her  rain. 

Al  Faizi  took  out  his  little  book  with  a  cross 
on't,  and  wrote  quite  a  lot  here,  and  he  also  did  be 
fore  Mary,  Queen  of  Scots.  I  d'no,  mebby  he,  too, 
bein'  a  man,  felt  some  of  the  subtle  charm  that 
surrounds  her  memory,  even  to-day,  and  keeps  men 
from  ever  doin'  plain  jestice  to  her,  and  always  will, 
I  spoze. 

Not  fur  off  is  the  restin'-place  of  the  little 
princes  murdered  in  the  Tower  by  Richard  III. 

Al  Faizi  writ  sunthin'  here,  too,  in  his  book- 
quite  a  lot. 

There  are  nine  chapels  in  the  Abbey,  each  one 
full  of  the  tombs  of  'em  whom  the  world  has 
delighted  to  honor ;  and  the  guide  told  us  that 
many  a  king  and  prince  lay  here  who  had  not  any 
memorial  to  mark  his  last  sleep. 

One  of  these  wuz  the  "  Merry  Monarch," 
Charles  II.  Among  the  great  crowd  who  sur 
rounded  him,  like  a  swarm  of  hungry  insects,  feed- 
in'  upon  him,  and  buzzin'  out  their  praise  and 
compliments  and  loyalty  to  him,  and  flatterin'  his 
vices  and  weaknesses,  not  one  of  'em  thought 


WESTMINSTER   AND    PARLIAMENT    HOUSES. 


407 


enough  of  him  to  rare  up  the  least  little  mark  to 
his  memtfry— 

A  deep  lesson  of  the  worthlessness  of  worldly 
praise  or  blame.  A  great  contrast  to  this  is  the 
monument  to  Charles  and  John  Wesley.  They 
worked  on  all  their  lives,  a-preachin'  and  a-warnin' 
aginst  the  vices  of  the  great,  as  well  as  the  humble, 
and  here  they  have  their  monument  amongst  the 
royal  dead. 

Another  thing  that  interested  me  in  the  Abbey 
wuz  the  Coronation  Chair,  in  which  every  sov 
ereign  in  England,  from  Edward  the  Confessor 
down  to  Queen  Victoria,  has  been  crowned. 

It  is  a  immense  chair,  the  four  legs  bein'  four 
animals — lions,  I  guess,  though  they  looked  kinder 
queer.  But  mebby  they  \vuz  a-thinkin'  who  and 
what  they  wuz  a-holdin'  up  that  made  their  hair 
stan'  out  so  kinder  queer,  and  their  tails  curl  up 
so. 

Under  the  seat  wuz  a  queer-look- 
in'  slab  of  stun,  and  they  said  it 
wuz  the  very  stun  Jacob  had  his 
head  pillered  on.  It  wuz  carried 
back  and  forth  by  his  descendants, 
and  finally  got  to  Ireland,  where 
it  wuz  used  at  the  Coronation  of 
the  Irish  Kings. 


Ax  IMMENSE  CHAIR,  THE  FOUR  LEGS 
FOUR    ANIMALS. 


408  SAMANTHA    IN   EUROPE. 

Some  say  that  if  the  one  who  wuz  a-bein' 
crowned  wuz  unworthy  royal  honors,  the  stun 
would  groan,  but  kep'  still  if  it  wuz  the  right  one 
in  the  right  place. 

I  should  have  thought  it  would  have  done  con 
siderable  groanin'  in  the  centuries  gone  by — in  the 
case  of  Henry  VIII.,  for  instance,  etc.,  etc. 

I  don't  believe  it  groaned  the  last  time  it  wuz 
used.  No  ;  as  a  female  a-thinkin'  of  a  female,  I  wuz 
proud  to  contemplate  the  fact  that  most  probble  it 
never  gin  a  single  groan,  or  even  a  sithe,  at  that 
time. 

Some  say  that  wimmen  can't  rule  good,  but 
hain't  Victoria  rained  well  and  rained  long  ? 

Yes,  indeed  ! 

Wall,  we  lingered  in  this  venerable  and  intensely 
interestin'  place  for  a  long  time,  and  until  the 
gnawin's  of  hunger  woke  in  my  pardner's  inside, 
and  he  gin  pitiful  expressions  of  his  inward  oneasi- 
ness. 

But  Martin  sed  he  must  visit  the  Housen  of 
Parliament.  He  sed  that  it  would  certainly  be 
expected  of  him  ;  so  we  went  through  Westminster 
Hall  to  the  new  Palace  of  Westminster,  as  the 
buildin'  is  called. 

The  laws  made  here  ort  to  be  noble  and  big-sized, 
indeed,  to  correspond  with  the  place  they  are  made 


WESTMINSTER  AND    PARLIAMENT   HOUSES.         409 

in.  It  covers  eight  acres  of  ground,  has  eleven 
hundred  rooms,  one  hundred  stairways,  and  eleven 
courts.  It  cost  over  fifteen  millions,  so  they  say. 

But  I  d'no,  I  didn't  feel  ashamed  of  our  own 
Capitol  at  Washington  when  I  see  it.  That  is  a 
good  sizable  buildin',  and  made  on  honor,  good 
enough  and  big  enough  to  correspond  with  the  laws 
made  in  it. 

Yes,  indeed  ! 

Wall,  Westminster  Hall,  that  we  went  through 
to  go  to  the  House  of  Parliament,  wuz  dretful  inter- 
estin'. 

The  great  Hall  of  William  Rufus  wuz  built  first 
in  1097.  Rufus  wanted  a  great  Hall,  where  he 
could  hold  banquets,  and  not  feel  crowded,  and  feel 
that  he  had  air  enough,  and  wuzn't  in  any  danger  of 
hittin'  his  head  on  the  ceilin',  so  he  built  this  Hall. 

It  wuz  partly  burnt  up  once,  but  it  has  been  re 
paired,  so  that  it  is  a  room  now  good  enough  for 
anybody,  and  big  enough  so's  the  World  and  his 
wife  and  children  could  eat  dinner  here  if  they 
wanted  to,  or  so  it  seemed. 

It  is  three  hundred  feet  long,  seventy  feet  wide, 
and  ninety  feet  high.  The  ruff  overhead  is  carved 
into  many  beautiful  forms,  and  is  one  of  the  largest 
in  the  world  that  has  no  columns  or  supports  from 
below. 


4IO  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Glorious  seens  have  been  enacted  in  this  Hall,  as 
well  as  dretful  ones.  After  the  Hall  wuz  built 
over  and  beautified  by  Richard  II.,  the  very  first 
public  meetin'  held  in  this  Hall  wuz  to  take  away 
his  crown  and  septer  and  send  him  to  prison. 

Poor  thing  !  after  all  he'd  went  through  buildin' 
it.  I  should  thought  them  old  timbers  and  jices 
would  have  creaked  and  groaned  to  have  seen  it  go 
on. 

I  know  well  how  I  should  have  felt  after  we  got 
our  house  altered  over,  and  I'd  jest  got  the  parlor 
papered  and  carpeted  and  new  curtains  up,  if  I'd 
had  to  be  dragged  off  and  shet  up,  and  let  Sister 
Bobbett  or  Sister  Henzy  move  in  and  take  the 
comfort  of  it. 

And  I  spoze  Richard  had  feelin's  as  well  as  my 
self,  and  the  splendor  of  my  parlor  would  mad  me 
all  the  more  to  leave  it,  even  if  it  shed  a  glory  over 
the  seen. 

Charles  I.  wuz  tried  in  Westminster  Hall  and 
condemned  to  death,  and  a  few  years  later  Oliver 
Cromwell  was  inaugerated  in  it  Lord  Protector  of 
England. 

He  sot  in  that  Royal  Chair,  which  wuz  took  out 
of  Westminster  Abbey  for  the  first  and  last  time. 
The  chair  never  groaned  or  took  on  any  as  I've 
ever  hearn  on,  but  I  should  have  thought  it  would, 


WESTMINSTER   AND    PARLIAMENT   HOUSES.         4!! 

not  for  reproof,  but  for  sorrer.  For  only  five 
years  after*that  Cromwell  died,  and  wuz  buried  in 
Westminster  Abbey  amongst  its  royal  dead,  and  then 
three  years  later  his  body  wuz  took  up  and  hanged 
on  Tyburn  by  command  of  the  king,  and  his  head 
wuz  displayed  on  the  pinnacles  of  Westminster 
Hall  with  Bradshaw  and  Ireton. 

Hangin'  a  man  who  had  been  dead  for  three 
years,  and  for  doin'  what  he  thought  wuz  right ! 

Al  Faizi  wrote  quite  a  lot  in  his  book  here.  He 
looked  queer  as  he  meditated  on  a  civilized  coun 
try  committin'  sech  barbarities. 

They  laid  out  to  have  the  skulls  remain  up  there 
on' them  pinnacles  for  thirty  years,  and  some  say 
they  did,  and  some  say  Cromwell's  blew  down  dur- 
in'  a  hard  storm,  and  some  of  his  descendants  have 
got  it  to  this  day,  and  several  of  his  skulls  are  in 
other  places,  so  we  hearn. 

Poor  creeter !  He  seemed  to  have  as  many 
heads  as  Columbus  had  faces.  It  beats  all  what 
them  poor  old  fourfathers  went  through. 

In  this  Hall  Charles  I.  wuz  condemned  to  die, 
and  also  Sir  William  Wallace,  that  Josiah  and  I  felt 
so  well  acquainted  with,  havin'  formed  his  acquaint 
ance  and  loved  him  through  Thomas  Jefferson  and 
"The  Scottish  Chiefs." 

And    Sir    Thomas     More,    that     witty,    smart 


412  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

creeter — philosopher,  statesman,  and  everything  else 
—the  favorite  of  Henry  VIII.,  and  who  succeeded 
Cardinal  Wolsey  as  Lord  High  Chancellor,  but 
who  lost  Henry's  favor  in  his  life,  by  not  approvin' 
of  Henry's  stiddy  practice  of  marryin'  wimmen  and 
then  cuttin'  their  heads  off,  and  marryin'  another 
and  another,  and  so  on  and  so  on.  Here  the  poor 
creeter  had  his  trial. 

Robert,  Earl  of  Essex,  wuz  tried  here  and  con 
demned  ;  and  so  wuz  Guy  Fawkes,  and  the  Earl  of 
Stafford,  and  many,  many,  many  others. 

Wall,  in  the  House  of  Parliament  we  see  Parnell, 
the  great  helper  for  Irish  rights.  And  it  did  my 
soul  good  to  look  on  Joseph  Arch,  who  wuz  elected 
to  Parliament  as  a  representative  of  agricultural 
laborers. 

He  wuz  a  plough-boy,  and  his  mother  learnt  him 
to  read  and  write.  She  wuz  a  earnest  Christian. 
Later  he  become  a  local  preacher  in  the  Methodist 
Mee tin'- House.  Afterwards,  meditatin'  on  their 
wrongs,  he  organized  a  union  of  agricultural  la 
borers,  and  finally  wuz  elected  to  Parliament.  He 
wuz  sent  from  that  deestrict  where  the  Prince  of 
Wales  lives.  And  you  would  have  thought  that 
some  richer  and  more  aristocratic  man  would  have 
been  chose  to  stand  for  that  place,  so  nigh  to  the 
British  throne. 


WESTMINSTER  AND    PARLIAMENT   HOUSES.         413 

But  no,  a  good  man,  a  man  of  the  people,  wuz 
chose.  Tfie  Prince  of  Wales  never  done  a  thing  to 
break  it  up,  so  they  say.  He  is  quite  a  sensible, 
good-hearted  creeter,  the  Prince  is.  Though,  like 
the  rest  of  the  world,  he  has  his  failin's. 

Here  we  see  Gladstone,  that  noble  creeter.  A 
man  that  will  be  revered  and  beloved  and  held  dear 
to  grateful  hearts  when  lots  of  contemporary  em 
perors  and  kings  are  forgot. 

Yes,  indeed  ! 

The  House  of  Lords  is  made  up  of  lords  tem 
poral  and  lords  spiritual — twenty-six  lords  spiritual, 
which  are  the  Archbishops  of  Canterbury  and 
York,  and  twenty-four  Bishops,  Dukes,  Earls, 
Barons,  etc.,  make  up  the  lords  temporal — they 
come  into  their  places  by  the  right  of  their  titles, 
which  fell  onto  'em  onbeknown  to  'em.  Here  they 
set  makin'  laws  with  their  hats  on. 

Josiah  drawed  my  attention  to  it,  and  sez  he, 
"  You've  always  tutored  me  so  about  takin'  off  my 
hat  everywhere  and  in  every  season.  I've  had  sun 
strokes  and  froze  my  scalp  a  number  of  times  in 
carryin'  out  your  orders  ;  but,"  sez  he,  "  I've  made 
up  my  mind,  Samantha,  as  to  one  thing,  and  you 
can't  change  me." 

I  have  a  deadly  fear  of  his  plans,  and  can't  help 
it — in  fact,  I  have  reason  to,  as  dire  experience  has 


414  SAMANTHA  IN   EUROPE. 

often  showed  me  the  dretful  results  flowin'  from 
'em  anon  or  oftener  ;  so  I  waited  with  breathless 
dread  to  hear  him  expound  his  plan. 

Sez  he,  "  I'm  bound  on  it.  When  I'm  elected  to 
Congress  I'm  goin'  to  wear  my  hat  the  hull  time  I'm 
there  ;  I  hain't  a-goin'  to  take  it  off  only  to  go  to 
bed  ;  I  calculate  to  have  a  good  warm  head  the  rest 
of  my  life."  Sez  he,  "  If  it's  proper  for  'em,  in 
their  high  station,  it's  proper  for  me,  when  I  git 
there." 

I  thought  a  minute,  and  then  sez  I,  "Wall,  I 
guess  I'm  safe  in  not  objectin'  to  it." 

Sez  he,  "  You  mean  by  that,  that  I  wont  git 
there,  but  you'll  see,  mom.  The  minute  I  git  home 
I'm  a-goin'  to  organize  the  farmers.  I'll  organize 
Ury  the  first  one,  and  then  I'll  organize  old  Gow- 
dey.  Uncle  Sime  Bentley  I  can  depend  on."  Sez 
he,  "  If  Arch  and  Burt  and  Macdonald,  all  on 
'em  workin'  men,  can  git  into  Parliament,  what 
is  to  hender  Josiah  Allen  from  shinin'  in  Con 
gress  ?" 

Sez  I  mildly,  "  Nater  broke  that  up  from  the 
start." 

Sez  he,  "  Do  you  mean  that  I  can't  git  in  ?" 

Sez  I,  still  more  tenderly,  "  I  alluded  to  shinin', 
Josiah  ;  but,"  sez  I  soothin'ly,  for  I  see  that  his  lini 
ment  begun  to  darken — sez  I,  "  I  won't  say  a  word 


WHEN  I'M   ELECTED   TO  CONGRESS   I'M   COIN'  TO  WEAR  MY  HAT  THE 
HULL  TIME." 


416  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

agin  your  wearin'  your  hat  under  them  circum 
stances."  Sez  I  in  affectionate  axents,  "  Mebby  I've 
been  too  harsh  with  you  about  takin'  it  off  in  cold 
weather ;  mebby  I  hain't  made  allowance  as  I  should 
for  the  weakness  of  the  place  exposed  ;  mebby 
etiket  has  ruled  me  too  clost." 

Sez  he,  "  You  and  etiket  has  been  almost  the 
death  of  me  time  and  agin." 

One  thing  that  is  sure  to  strike  the  tourist  and 
beholder  with  wonder  is  the  extreme  smallness  of 
the  House  of  Commons. 

How  five  hundred  and  sixty  folks  could  ever  git 
into  that  room  is  a  wonder  to  me,  and  the  guide 
told  us  that  there  had  been  as  many  as  that  a-stand- 
in'  there  time  and  agin — a-standin',  of  course,  for 
there  wuzn't  no  room  for  'em  to  set. 

It  struck  Josiah,  too,  though,  as  usual,  our  medi 
tations  wuz  fur  different. 

I  methought,  "  No  wonder  laws  hain't  what  they 
ort  to  be,  made  in  sech  a  tight  place,  by  folks  jest 
crowded  and  squoze  in  together  like  sardeens  in  a 
box." 

And  Josiah  methought  out  loud,  "  You  thought, 
Samantha,  that  I  didn't  allow  half  room  enough  in 
my  new  hen-house,  and  my  brood  of  fowls  have  as 
much  agin  room  accordin'  as  these  law-makers 
do." 


WESTMINSTER   AND    PARLIAMENT   HOUSES.         417 

"  Wall/^sez  I,  "  there  both  on  'em  kep'  in  too  clost 
quarters  to  do  well." 

But  truly  I  couldn't  break  it  up,  for  time  and 
Martin  didn't  give  me  no  chance. 


CHAPTER  XXII. 

SAMANTHA    SEES    A    DOCTOR. 

I  HADN'T  been  in  London  for  more'n  a  short 
time  before  I  wuz  attacked  with  a  queer  feelin' 
and  pain  in  my  back.  It  seemed  to  be  the  worst 
on  my  right  shoulder  blade.  It  wuz  a  pain  and  a 
soreness  all  together,  and  the  surface  indications 
pinted  to  more  trouble  if  I  didn't  tend  to  it. 

Josiah  rubbed  it  with  assiduity  and  camphire,  and 
in  hours  of  solitude  bathed  it  in  anarky. 

But  to  no  purpose — it  grew  worse  and  worse, 
and  I  feared  it  wuz  a  bile,  but  didn't  know. 

It  kep'  me  awake  nights,  and  I  spoze  it  made 
me  fraxious  and  restless,  for  Josiah  urged  me 
warmly  to  have  a  young  man,  who  wuz  a  doctor  in 
the  hotel,  look  at  my  back  and  see  what  ailed  it. 

And  I  sez,  "  I  hain't  a-goin'  to  have  that  young 
man  foolin'  round  my  shoulder  blades."  Sez  I, 
"  It  would  make  me  feel  queer  as  a  dog  to  think 
he  wuz  a-lookin'  at  it  through  that  eyeglass  of 
hisen."  Sez  I,  "  Neuralgy  hain't  to  be  fooled 
with," 


SAMANTHA    SEES   A    DOCTOR.  419 

"  I  thought  you  said,"  sez  he,  "  it  wuzn't  neu- 
ralgy  ;  you  said  it  wuz  sunthin'  mysteriouser." 

"Wall,  so  I  do  say,"  sez  I;  "it  is  sunthin'  I 
d'no  anything  about.  It  is  sore  as  a  bile, 
and  anarky  don't  seem  to  relieve  it  a  mite.  If  I 
had  some  good  lobely  and  catnip,"  sez  I,  "I  be 
lieve  I  could  make  a  poultice  that  would  relieve 
it  ;  but  where  would  I  git  lobely  and  catnip  here?" 
sez  I. 

"  Wall,"  sez  he — willin'  creeter  always  when  I 
•am  sick — "  Martin  and  I  had  made  a  agreement 
to  ride  to  Hyde  Park  this  mornin',  and  I  shouldn't 
wonder  a  mite  if  I  could  find  some  lobely  and 
catnip  growin'  there  idegenus.  I  will  look  for 
some,  anyway." 

"  Catnip  in  Hyde  Park  !"  sez  I  mournfully  ;  "you 
might  as  well  look  for  a  angel  at  a  dog  fight,  or 
a  saloon  in  Paradise  !" 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  if  I  can't  find  any  myself, 
I'll  ask  the  policeman  if  he  knows  of  any  little 
corner  or  shady  place  where  I'd  be  apt  to  find  a  few 
sprigs  for  you."  Sez  he,  "  I'd  go  to  Windsor  Park 
for  you  in  a  minute  if  I  thought  I  could  git  sun- 
thin'  to  relieve  your  pain — I'd  go  to  Langly  Marish." 
(Marish  is  marsh  writ  long.)  Josiah  thought  that 
he  would  spell  his  old  marsh  in  the  beaver  medder 
"  marish,"  for  style — Jonesville  Marish — but  I  told 


420  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

him  that  that  wuzn't  'goin  to  make  him  any  nearer 
the  royal  family,  or  make  him  act  any  more  royal. 
I  guess  I  broke  it  up. 

But  to  resoom— 

Sez  I,  "  It  is  good  of  you  to  think  on't,  but  I 
wouldn't  want  to  tackle  Victoria  the  first  thing  for 
catnip.  I  d'no  as  she  has  put  up  any  more  herbs 
than  she  wants  to  use  herself — her  family  is  big, 
and  she  has  frequent  calls  for  catnip,  anyway." 

Sez  he,  "  I  wuzn't  a-layin'  out  to  tackle  Victoria 
for  it.  I  wuz  a-goin'  to  hunt  round  myself  for  it 
in  the  park." 

Sez  I,  "  You'd  only  tire  yourself  out  for  nothin' ; 
you  wouldn't  find  a  sprig.  And  if  you  found  any, 
I  wouldn't  want  you  to  pick  it  without  Victoria's 
consent — it  would  like  as  not  be  some  she  had  saved 
for  the  children  or  grandchildren  ;  no,"  sez  I,  "  I 
will  suffer  and  be  calm,"  and  I  sithed. 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  I'm  goin'  to  be  minded  in  this 
matter — I  am  goin'  to  have  you  see  a  doctor,  and 
I  hain't  a-goin'  to  put  it  off  another  day.  You 
might  put  it  off  too  long,  and  then  what  would  the 
world  be  to  me?  What  would  life  be  without 
Samantha?" 

His  tender  tones  touched  my  heart  considerable, 
and  I  promised  I  would  see  a  doctor  that  very  day  ; 
so  he  went  away,  quite  contented,  with  Martin. 


SAMANTHA   SEES  A   DOCTOR. 


421 


Wall,  after   he   had  went  away,  and    I   wuz   left 
alone    with    my    promise,    I    rumineated    in    deep 
thought.     And  the  more   I  thought  on't,  the  more 
I  hated   to   have  that  little  dude   doctor,  with  his 
cane  and  his  eyeglass,  a-reconoiterin' 
round  my  back  and  a-laughin'  at  me, 
for  all  I  knew — for  I  felt  instinctive 
ly  that  he  wuz  one  that  would  laugh 
at  a  person's  back,  and  I  felt  that  in 
this  case   I   should  be  the  means  of 
lurin'  him  into  that  wickedness  and 
deceit. 

He  looked  conceited  and  disagree- 

o 

able  in  the  extreme,  anyway,  and  I 
didn't  put  any  dependence  at  all  on 
his  jedgment. 

But  then  my  promise  confronted 
me  ;  what  should  I  do  ?  But  as  I 
mused  I  happened  to  think — besides 
this  little  dandy  doctor,  with  his  case 

Of  medicine,  a-goin'  tO  and  fro,   I  had      THAT  LITTLE   DUDE   DOCTOR,    WITH 

.  .  HIS    CANE    AND    HIS    EYEGLASS. 

noticed  a  tall,  dignified,  good-lookm  , 

middle-aged  man  a-goin'    up  and    down    the    halls 

with  his  case  of  medicine. 

He  usually  went  up  the  stairs  as  we  wuz  a-goin' 
out — about  10  A.M. — and,  thinkses  I,  here  is  a  chance 
to  keep  my  promise,  and  mebby  git  relief.  For  it 


422  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

stood  to  reason  that  I  had  ruther  display  my  right 
shoulder  blade  to  a  middle-aged,  sober  man,  with  a 
wife  and  children  and  grandchildren,  and  other 
things  to  stiddy  him  down,  than  to  a  little  snickerin', 
supercilious  young  chap,  who  hadn't  any  wife,  or  chil 
dren,  or  any  other  trouble. 

So  I  left  my  door  on  a  jar,  and  waited  for  his 
comin'.  I  got  my  dress  waist  so's  I  could  slip  it 
off  in  a  minute,  and  throwed  a  breakfast  shawl 
gracefully  round  my  figger,  and  waited  calmly  the 
result. 

Anon  I  heard  a  step  approachin',  and  I  looked 
out,  and  I  see  that  it  wuz  the  young  doctor.  He  had 
a  posey  in  his  buttonhole  and  he  wuz  a-hummin'  a 
light  tune  and  a-swingin'  his  cane  in  his  right  hand, 
and  I  felt  more  and  more  relieved  to  think  it  \vuz 
not  my  fate  to  tackle  him. 

Anon  a  hall-boy  went  by  slowly,  a-bearin'  a 
pitcher  of"  ice  water  ;  anon  a  chambermaid,  and  then 
I  recognized  a  messenger's  slow,  haltin'  step. 

And  then  I  see  the  doctor's  benine  face,  framed 
in  gray  hair  and  ornamented  with  whiskers  of  the 
same  color,  approachin'. 

I  folded  my  breakfast  shawl  closter  around  my 
form  and  advanced  to  the  door,  and  sez  I— 

"  Can  I  speak  to  you  for  a  moment,  sir  ?" 

"Yes,"  sez  he. 


SAMANTHA   SEES  A   DOCTOR.  423 

Sez  1,^1  would  like  to  employ  you  for  a  few 
minutes." 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  a-enterin'  the  room  willin'ly,  as  if 
it  wuz  the  way  of  his  business,  as  doctors  always 
do. 

He  looked  round  the  room  enquirin'ly  as  he  en 
tered,  and  as  if  mentally  in  search  of  sunthin'.  And 
I  spozed  mebby  it  wuz  to  see  if  he  could  see  signs 
of  any  other  doctor's  medicine  or  sunthin'.  And  I 
spoke  up,  and  sez  I  : 

"  I  have  had  some  trouble  with  my  back  lately, 
and  I  want  you  to  look  at  it  and  see  what  is  the 
matter ;"  sez  I,  "I  want  to  know  whether  it  is 
neuralgy  or  a  bile." 

He  looked  dretful  surprised — I  spozed  he  wuzn't 
ust  to  havin'  a  complaint  so  queer  and  myste 
rious. 

And  I  rapidly  made  my  preperations,  and  pre 
sented  my  left  shoulder  blade  for  his  consideration. 

And  as  I  did  so,  I  said  anxiously— 

"  Is  it  a  bile?" 

I  dreaded  his  answer.  Neuralgy  I  felt  I  could 
face,  but  a  bile  seemed  dretful  if  met  by  me  on 
foreign  shores,  far  from  catnip  and  a  quiet  home. 

Sez  he,  "  I  can't  tell  what  is  the  matter  ;  if  I  were 
in  your  place  I  would  have  a  doctor." 

Mekanically,  and  like  sheet  lightnin1,  I  seized  the 


I  HAVE  HAD  SOME  TROUBLE  WITH  MY  BACK  LATELY,  AND  I  WANT  YOU 
TO  LOOK  AT  IT." 


SAMANTHA    SEES   A    DOCTOR.  425 

breakfast  shawl  and  drawed  its  voluminous  folds 
about  my  ngger  and  faced  him. 

"  Hain't  you  a  doctor?"  sez  I. 

"  No,"  sez  he  ;  "  I  am  a  piano  tuner.  I  thought 
you  wanted  me  to  tune  an  instrument,"  sez  he. 

I  sunk  into  a  chair  and  waved  my  hand  towards 
the  door. 

He  bowed  and  vanished. 

And  I,  a  not  knowin'  whether  to  laugh  or  to  cry, 
I  did  both  at  the  same  time.  I  felt  meachin',  and 
small,  and  provoked,  and  shamed,  and  tickled,  and 
mad,  and  everything. 

But  anon  I  thought  I  must  not  let  this  contrary- 
temps  (French)  vanquish  me.  So  I  called  on  all 
the  common  sense  I  had,  and  all  the  rectitude  I  had, 
and  I  had  a  real  lot  of  it  when  I  got  holt  of  all 
of  it. 

For  I  realized  that  my  motives  wuz  as  pure  as 
rain  water  in  a  new  cedar  barrel,  and  so,  bein' 
dragged  up  to  the  tribunal  of  my  own  jedgment,  I 
could  not  find  myself  to  blame ;  so  I  determined  to 
keep  calm  and  not  let  the  World  or  Josiah  know 
what  I  had  been  through. 

For  it  wuz  a  hard  blow  onto  both  my  jedgment 
and  pride,  lookin'  on  it  with  a  nateral  eye,  and  I  felt 
that  Josiah  and  the  World  would  be  apt  to  look  at 
it  through  nateral  eyes,  and  not  through  the  rapt 


426  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

vision  of  jestice  that  made  me  say  and  say  calmly 
that  Josiah  wuz  the  one  to  blame  ;  for  if  he  hadn't 
extracted  a  promise  from  me,  this  contrary  temps 
would  not  have  occurred. 

These  large-sized  emotions  lifted  me  up  quite  a 
good  ways,  and  so  I  spoze  it  made  the  next  notch 
up  come  easier  to  me.  For  as  I  sot  there  I  moral 
ized — I  have  been  a-relyin'  on  mortal  ingregients  to 
help  me  and  a-leanin'  on  a  pardner's  jedgment. 

Ingregients  have  failed,  pardner's  jedgment  has 
proved  futile — futiler  it  did  seem  to  me  than  any 
thing  ever  had  before  sence  the  world  begun,  as 
futile  as  I  have  found  'em  anon  and  oftener. 

So  sez  I  to  myself,  "What  if  I  should  branch 
out  and  try  the  faith  cure — turn  aside  from  doctors 
and  pardners,  reeds  that  have  broke  under  my  weak 
grasp  ?" 

I  will !  I  will ! 

So  I  at  once  made  my  preparations  for  faith  cure. 
I  het  some  Pond's  Extract  in  a  little  cup  on  the 
gas — I  had  brung  a  little  contrivance  from  home  that 
fitted  the  burner. 

I  het  that  extract  as  hot  as  I  could  bear  it,  and 
bathed  that  shoulder  blade  in  the  soothin'  mixture  ; 
I  then  wet  a  cloth  in  anarky,  and  rubbed  it  for  a 
quarter  of  a  hour  by  the  clock  ;  I  then  put  on  a 
strong  poreus  plaster  I  had  by  me,  made  from  heal- 


SAMANTHA   SEES   A   DOCTOR. 


42; 


in'  herbs  ;  and  then  I  het  some  more  Pond's  Extract, 

•* 

and  put  in  some  tincture  of  wormwood — I  had  a 
little  in  a  bottle — and  I  wet  a  woollen  cloth  in  it 
and  laid  it  over  the  blade.  I  then  filled  my  hot- 
water  bag  with  water  and  laid  myself  down  on 
the  bed,  with  the  warm,  soothin'  rubber  bag  pressed 
clost  to  the  achin'  blade. 

And  then,  havin'  completed  these  simple  pre- 
leminaries,  I  leaned  on  the  Faith  Cure — I  leaned 
heavy,  and  anon  I  felt  that  I  had  hit  on  the  right 
plan.  The  pain  grew  lighter  and  lighter,  my  thoughts 
of  the  contrarytemps  grew  more  peaceful  and  as  if 
I  could  bear  it.  I  felt  that  I  could  forgive  Josiah, 
and  then  I  knew  nothin'  further  for  a  long  time. 

Anon  I  seemed  to  be  back  in  Jonesville  ;  Phi- 
lury  and  I  \vuz  down  in  our  back  paster  a-pickin' 
rossberrys.  The  sun  shone  down  warm  as  I  stooped 
over  the  pink,  laden  boughs. 

The  crick  under  the  hill  tinkled  melogiously— 
somebody  wuz  tunin'  it,  I 
thought.  It  seemed  to  be  play- 
in'  melogious  cords  I  had  never 
hearn  before.  A  bird  flew  out 
of  the  deep,  green  depths  of 
Balcom's  \voods  ;  it  flew  up  in 
front  of  me  and  lighted  on 
my  forward,  and  said — 


SAMANTHA'S  FAITH  CURE. 


428  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

"  How  do  you  feel,  Samantha  ?    Are  you  worse?" 
I  had  layed  there  for  five  hours  by  the  clock,  and 

it  wuz  my  own  pardner's  hand  on  my  forward  that 

rousted  me  up. 

"  No,"  sez  I,  "  Josiah  ;    I   am  much  better  than  I 


wuz." 


"Did  you  git  the  doctor?"  sez  he. 

That  wuz  a  tender  subject  to  me,  but  I  wuz  able 
to  meet  it.  I  sez— 

"  I  thought  I  would  try  the  Faith  Cure,  Josiah, 
and,"  sez  I,  "  I  truly  feel  like  a  new  creeter — the 
pain  has  almost  all  gone."  And  it  had,  and  from 
that  minute  I  gained  on  it  fast. 

At  bedtime  I  tried  the  Faith  Cure  agin,  after 
goin'  through  with  the  same  simple  preleminaries  I 
had  went  through,  and  the  next  mornin'  the  cure 
wuz  almost  complete,  which  made  the  trials  that 
begun  as  soon  as  I  opened  my  eyes  some  easier  to 
bear. 

I  heard  my  pardner's  voice  the  first  thing,  out  in 
the  hall,  through  the  half  open  door.  I  hearn  him 
a-sayin'— 

"  Dum  it  all,  don't  you  never  have  day  here  ?  Is 
it  always  night  ?" 

"  It  is  day  now,"  sez  the  voice  of  a  agitated 
chambermaid  ;  "it  is  between  8  and  9  o'clock." 

"  Pretty  day  !"  sez  Josiah.     Sez  he,    "  Look  out 


SAMANTIIA    SEES    A    DOCTOR.  429 

of  the  winder  and  see  if  you  can  see  daylight  ;  a 
pretty  day  this  is — dark  as  a  stack  of  black  cats, 
and  darker,  for  you  could  see  the  cats  if  they 
wuz  a  inch  from  your  nose."  Sez  he,  "We  have 
been  here  three  days,  and  I  hain't  seen  daylight 
yet." 

He  had  a  air  of  blamin'  the  girl,  and  I  interfered 
and  called  him  in  ;  but  the  girl  wuz  waywised,  and 
she  said,  "It  is  very  unusual  weather,  sir — very  un 
usual.  We  have  never  had  such  a  fog  before." 

They  always  say  that,  from  Chicago  and  London 
to  Egypt — they  "  never  had  it  before." 

It  always  happens  dretful  onfortunate  jest  whilst 
you  are  there. 

Josiah  wuz  jest  preparin'  to  blame  the  girl  agin, 
I  dare  presoom  to  say,  when  I  hearn  another  voice 
on  the  seen. 

It  wuz  the  voice  of  a  Englishman  that  Josiah 
had  got  some  acquainted  with,  and  who  had  disputed 
warm  with  him  about  their  two  different  countries, 
each  one  on  'em  a-praisin'  up  his  own  native  land 
to  the  skies. 

And  Josiah  made  a  derisive  remark  to  him 
right  there  in  that  untoward  place  about  his  "  dum 
climate." 

I  wuz  mortified,  but  couldn't  walk  out  and  inter 
fere,  not  bein'  dressed. 


430  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

After  passin'  a  number  of  sentences  back  and 
forth,  I  hearn  the  Englishman  say— 

u  This  is  a  great  country,  sir — the  sun  never  sets 
on  it." 

And  Josiah  sez  in  a  real  mean  axent — 

"Good  reason  for  that !  the  sun  never  rises  on't 
—it  can't  go   down  where  it   hain't    riz !     I    hain't 
seen  a  ray  of  sunshine  sence  I  come  to  England  !" 

Thinkses  I,  "  Dressed  or  ondressed,  I've  got  to 
interfere,"     and    I     hollered    out    agin,    "Josiah— 
Josiah  Allen  !"    And  he  see  in  my  axent  a  need   of 
haste. 

And  he  come  into  the  room,  and  I  sez— 

"  Don't  run  down  a  man's  country  on  a  empty 
stumick,  when  it  is  as  dark  as  pitch." 

And  he  sez,  "Then  I  can't  run  it  at  all."  His 
axent  wuz  pitiful. 

And  it  wuz  indeed  a  fearful  time. 

The  winder  presented  a  black,  murky  appear 
ance,  the  gas  wuz  lit  in  the  house  and  outside, 
and  away  from  the  light  the  streets  wuz.  as  dark 
as  a  black  broadcloth  pocket  in  a  blind  man's  over 
coat. 

We  felt  gloomy  at  the  breakfast-table,  but  Mar 
tin  sed  we  must  be  gittin'  round  some.  So  we 
concluded  to  go  to  St.  Paul's  Cathedral.  So  after 
awhile  we  ventered  to  sally  out.  We  wuz  about 


SAMANTHA   SEES   A   DOCTOR.  431 

two  hours  a-goin'  a  distance  that  ort  to  took  us 
about  fifteen  minutes — a-movin'  on  through  the 
dense  blackness,  and  not  knowin'  what  we  wuz 
a-comin'  up  aginst,  or  who,  or  when,  or  what. 

It  wuz  a  fearful  time,  very. 

We  went  in  two  handsomes  (though  their  hand 
someness  didn't  do  us  any  good,  for  we  couldn't 
see  a  speck  on't).  Josiah  and  I  and  Al  Faizi 
went  in  one,  and  Martin  and  Alice  and  Adrian  in 
the  other.  A  strange  and  mysterious  journey  as 
I  ever  took,  a-hearin'  anon  or  oftener  a  voice 
up  on  top  of  our  vehicle  a-shoutin'  out  replies  to 
the  frenzied  cries  of  cabmen  on  every  side  on  him, 
and  a  not  knowin'  who  or  what  we  wuz  a-goin'  to 
run  into,  or  be  run  in  by.  And  the  faint  glow  of 
the  street  lights  a-shinin'  through  the  black  mists 
like  suns  that  wuz  a-bein'  darkened,  as  the  Skripters 
tell  on. 

It  wuz  a  fearful  seen  ;  my  Josiah  wuz  well-nigh 
prostrated  by  it,  and  sez  he— 

"  If  I  ever  git  where  the  sun  shines  in  the  day 
time  agin,  I'll  stay  there." 

"  So  will  I  !"  sez  I,  and  I  felt  it,  Heaven  knows  ! 
I  wuz  fearful  agitated. 

Sez  Josiah,  as  a  loud,  skairful  cry  from  the  top 
of  our  handsome  wuz  answered  from  others  all 
round  us — - 


432  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

"Jest  think  on't,  Samantha,  bow  bright  and 
pleasant  it  is  this  minute  in  our  back  yard  to  Jones- 
ville ;  how  plain  you  could  see  the  side  of  the 
barn  ;  how  the  sun  is  a-shinin'  down  on  the  smoke 
house,  and  hen-park,  and  leech  barrel. 

"Why  did  we  ever  leave  them  seens  !"  sez  he. 

"Why,  indeed!"  sez  I. 

Sez  he,  "  Ury  is  mebby  at  this  minute  goin'  in  to 
the  house,  happy  creeter !"  Sez  he,  "  A-walkin' 
out  a-seein'  every  step  he  takes ;  and  Philury 
a-standin'  in  the  back  door  a-watchin'  him,  and 
a-lookin'  at  the  Loontown  hills  milds  off,  and  the 
Jonesville  steeple. 

"  And  we  a-gropin'  along  in  perfect  blackness 
at  12  M.,  and  can't  see  our  noses.  Why,"  sez  he 
bitterly,  "  my  nose  is  a  perfect  stranger  to  me  ;  it 
might  be  changed  to  a  Roman  or  a  Greecy  one, 
and  I  not  know  it." 

"  You'd  feel  the  change,"  sez  I. 

"  I  d'no  whether  I  would  or  not.  I  feel  all  lost 
and  by  the  side  of  myself,"  sez  he;  "three  more 
days  of  these  carryin's  on  would  make  my  brain 
tottle." 

"Wall,  it  couldn't  tottle  fur,"  sez  I.  I  said  it 
to  comfort  him,  but  it  wuzn't  took  so — no,  fur 
from  it. 


CHAPTER   XXIII. 

ST.     PAUL'S    AND    THE    DUKE    OF    WELLINGTON. 

WALL,  after  a  seen  of  almost  inexpressible 
wretchedness  we  reached  St.  Paul's  Cathedral. 

Josiah  a-gittin'  it  into  his  head  that  it  wuz  fash 
ionable  to  read  up  about  places  of  interest,  had 
flooded  his  brain  almost  beyend  its  strength  to  bear 
about  the  Cathedral.  And  that  information  oozed 
and  drizzled  out  of  the  instersises  of  his  brain  all 
the  time  we  wuz  there.  As  for  me,  when  we  en 
tered  the  great  central  western  door  I  wuz  almost 
lost  and  by  the  side  of  myself  as  I  ketched  sight  of 
the  vast  interior. 

As  I  looked  down  the  immense,  soft  gray  yeller 
depths  of  distance,  I  felt  almost  as  though  I  wuz 
lookin'  down  some  of  Nater's  isles,  with  shaddersof 
blue  mist  a-lurkin'  in  the  corners. 

After  my  senses  come  back  gradual  I  could  pay 
some  attention  to  the  rich,  dark  carvin',  the  crimson 
cushions,  the  big  organ  towerin'  up,  etc.,  etc.  I  felt 
lifted  up  considerable  by  the  grandeur  of  the 
spectacle. 

But  Josiah  wanted  to  show  off. 


434  SAMANTHA    IN   EUROPE. 

Sez  he,  a-wavin'  his  hand  down  the  long  aisle— 

"  There  is  the  place  for  knaves  !  See,  Samantha, 
the  beautiful  arrangement — they're  set  apart  from 
good  folks.  It  sez  the  '  knave  runs  down  that  way.' 
He  is  made  to  run  so's  to  separate  him  still  more 
from  Christians  that  go  slow." 

"Where  did' you  git  that  information,  Josiah 
Allen  ?"  sez  I. 

"  Right  here,"  sez  he,  and  he  took  out  his  guide 
book  and  pinted  to  the  words— 

"  The  long  nave  runs  down  through  the  centre." 

Sez  I,  "  How  do  you  spell  your  vile  person,  Jo 
siah  ?" 

"  N-a-v-e,  nave,"  sez  he — "  the  easiest  way." 

I  groaned,  and  sez  I,  "  I  would  shet  up  that  book, 
Josiah  Allen,  and  go  back  to  Webster's  old  spellin'- 
book." 

He  acted  real  pudgiky. 

But  Alice  wanted  to  go  into  the  North  Chapel, 
where  the  short  service  for  business  men  wuz  a-goin' 
on,  it  bein'  almost  noon  when  we  got  there.  It  wuz 
a  impressive  sight  to  see  these  busy  men  takin'  a 
breathin'  space  from  the  hard  labors  of  the  day  to 
give  thought  to  the  Better  Country  and  the  best 
way  to  git  there. 

A  beautiful  sculptured  head  of  the  Christ  looked 
down  on  these  busy,  careworn  men,  as  if  He  wuz 


ST.    PAUL'S   AND   THE   DUKE    OF   WELLINGTON.     435 

sorry  for  Jem  and  wanted  to  give  'em  a  breath  of 
peace  and  love  to  go  with  'em  through  the  hot, 
feverish  toils  of  the  rest  of  the  day. 

After  lookin'  up  into  the  ineffible  beauty  and  love 
of  that  face,  it  didn't  seem  as  if  those  grocers  could 
put  so  much  sand  into  their  sugar  and  pepper,  or  the 
merchants  pay  so  little  to  the  poor  wimmen  who 
make  the  garments  they  sell. 

But  I  d'no. 

Wall,  the  chapel  on  the  south  side  wuz  meant  to 
be  a  place  to  administer  jestice  at  different  times, 
affectin'  meetin'-housen  and  sech — what  they  call  a 
Consistery  Court. 

And  here  Josiah  agin  tried  to  explain  things 
to  me. 

Sez  he,  "  This  is  called  a  Consistery  Court — here 
is  where  they  try  to  be  consistent  when  they  attend 
to  affairs  of  the  meetin'-house." 

And  sez  I  in  a  dry  axent,  about  as  dry  as  a  corn 
cob,  sez  I,  "  It's  a  pity  they  don't  have  sech  a  court 
in  American  meetin'-housen." 

Sez  I,  "They're  needed  there,"  and  my  mind 
roamed  over  the  pressin'  need  of  consistency  in  sech 
cases  as  Dr.  Briggs,  Parkhurst,  Beecher,  Heber 
Newton,  Felix  Adler,  Satolli,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

"And  even  in  Jonesville,''  I  sez  to  myself,  "is  it 
not  possible  to  even  now  have  one  built  in  the  pre- 


SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

cincts  of  the  Jonesville  meetin'-house,  where  the 
members  could  go  in  half  a  day  or  so  a  week 
and  try  to  be  consistent  ?" 

Thinkses  I,  If  they  did  honestly  try  to  live  up 
to  the  buildin'  they  wuz  in,  and  be  consistent, 
there  wouldn't  be  so  much  light  talk  aginst  re 
ligion  as  there  is  now,  and  more  young  folks  brung 
into  the  church. 

Howsumever,  whether  Josiah  got  it  right  or  not, 
one  thing  I  do  know,  right  in  the  midst  of  this 
court  is  a  elaborate  monument  to  the  Duke  of 
Wellington,  that  almost  fills  it  up,  so  jestice  is  fairly 
scrunched  up  and  squoze  for  want  of  room. 

That  noble  old  Duke  wouldn't  wanted  it  so.  But 
how  little  can  we  tell  what  people  will  do  with 
our  memories  when  we  have  left  'em  !  But  probble 
most  of  us  won't  have  no  sech  immense  memorial 
riz  up  to  us  after  we  have  passed  away. 

But  my  reflections  wuz  agin  cut  short,  for  Josiah 
wanted  to  agin  show  off.  Sez  he,  "The  man  that 
that  wuz  riz  up  to  wuz  made  of  irom  mostly — lost 
his  legs  and  arms,  I  spoze,  and  had  iron  ones  made 
to  replace  'em." 

"  Iron  legs  ! "  sez  I  ;  "  how  could  he  git  round  ?" 

"  By  main  strength."  Sez  he,  "  He  wuz  a  power 
ful  man  ;  he  wuz  called  the  *  Iron  Duke.' ' 

I  gin  him  a    pityin'  glance,    but   strangers    wuz 


ST.    PAUL'S   AND   THE   DUKE   OF   WELLINGTON.      437 

by,  and  I -wouldn't  humiliate  him  by  disputin'  him. 
I  merely  sez,  "If  I  wuz  in  your  place  I  would 
keep  still  for  the  rest  of  the  day,  Josiah  Allen." 

But  Adrian,  who  took  it  all  in  good  part,  and 
with  immense  interest,  sez— 

"  How  funny  it  must  be  to  shake  hands  with 
him,  but  how  it  would  hurt  to  have  him  strike 
you  over  the  ear !" 

Sez  I,  "  Adrian,  you  keep  with  Alice  and  me." 
Sez  I,  "We're  a-goin'  to  look  at  General  Gordon's 
statute." 

This  noble  life  and  noble  death  are  kep'  in 
memory  by  a  beautiful  statute,  recumbient  and 
a-layin'  down.  The  face,  they  say,  is  a  good  like 
ness.  And  as  I  looked  at  it,  the  thought  of  that 
noble  and  manly  creeter  almost  brung  tears  to  my 
eyes. 

Wall,  we  proceeded  on  eastward  to  the  dome. 
Here  is  the  pulpit  and  the  place  where  the  big 
ger  part  of  the  congregation  sit. 

Lookin'  up,  we  see  glitterin'  spaces  filled  with 
beautiful  mosiacs,  and  up  there  are  the  benine 
figgers  of  the  Evangelists,  and  the  four  great 
Prophets — Isaiah,  Jeremiah,  Ezekiel,  and  Daniel. 

Agin  that  thought  of  what  would  be  done  with 
our  memories  hanted  me.  They  wandered  about 
in  goats'  skins  here — afflicted,  persecuted  ;  did  they 


438  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

think  they   would    ever    be   throned    in    sech  gor 
geous  places  ?    No,   indeed. 

Above  Daniel,  Isaiah,  etc.,  is  the  whisperin'  gal 
lery,  where  the  lowest  whisper,  clost  to  the  wall, 
goes  all  round  the  entire  distance — a  sight,  hain't  it  ? 

And  way  up  in  the  dome  we  see  paintin's  of  the 
life  of  St.  Paul  and  his  deeds. 

Wall,  down  on  the  floor  to  the  south  are  immense 
statutes  to  Lord  Nelson  and  Cornwallis.  Good 
creeters,  both  on  'em,  I  believe,  though  mistook  in 
jedgment.  And  a  great  monument  to  Major-Gen- 
eral  Dun  das.  There  wuz  lots  of  monuments  to 
other  eminent  men.  Most  of  the  statutes,  as  is 
nateral,  as  is  done  in  our  own  country,  wuz  mostly 
riz  up  to  men  who  had  been  famous  for  fightin'- 
them  who  had  been  successful  in  killin'  off  thousands 
and  thousands  of  men,  leavin'  trails  of  agony  and 
blood  behind  'em,  clouds  of  black  gloom,  under 
which  widders  and  orphans  groped,  seekin'  for 
bread,  and  fallin'  down  hopeless  in  the  quest. 

Wall,  it's  nateral ;  I  couldn't  say  a  word — America 
duz  it. 

I  also  see,  as  in  America,  the  skurcity  of  female 
statutes.  We  see  the  absolute  dearth  on  'em.  Why, 
if  a  inhabitant  of  Mars  should  light  down  there 
some  day  and  take  a  fancy  to  go  through  the 
cathedral,  he  wouldn't  have  a  idee  that  there  wuz 


ST.    PAUL'S   AND   THE   DUKE   OF   WELLINGTON.     439 

ever  sech  a>  thing  as  a  woman  in  the  world.  He 
would  go  back  to  Jupiter  and  say  :  "  One  peculiar 
ity  of  the  planet  Earth  wuz,  there  wuz  no  wimmen 
there — only  a  race  of  men." 

And  if  they  questioned  him  too  clost  how  they 
wuz  born,  he  would  say  that  most  probble  they 
growed  jest  like  trees. 

And  then  the  old  Mars  would  gather  round  him 
and  congratulate  themselves  on  bein'  on  a  planet 
where  equal  jestice  wuz  awarded  to  men  and  wimmen 
both,  and  where  there  wuz  no  more  war. 

The  red  lights  on  the  planet  don't  mean  war,  I 
don't  believe  ;  it  means  the  rosy  glow  of  the  strange 
foliage  that  the  Mars  gather  for  their  children,  and 
the  Pars,  too,  for  all  I  know. 

But  I  am  indeed  a-eppisodin'. 

But  a  few  centuries  from  now  let  that  same 
visitor  comedown  and  look  into  our  great  cathe 
drals,  on  both  sides  of  the  Atlantic,  and  he  will  see 
statutes  to  wimmen  risin'  up  jest  the  same  as  to, 
men.  Under  the  benine  faces  of  some  on  'em  he 
will  read— 

"There  is  no  more  war,  for  the  former  things 
have  passed  away." 

The  former  things  wuz  what  made  war — injestice 
intemperance,  brutality,  licenses  for  prostitution, 
drunkenness,  and  infamy,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 


440  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

But  I  am  a-eppisodin'  too  fur,  too  fur. 

The  stained-glass  winders  we  see  on  every  side 
wuz  beautiful  in  the  extreme.  But  if  you'll  be 
lieve  it,  this  meetin'-house  hain't  finished  yet.  See- 
in'  there  has  been  a  meetin'-house  here  for  thirteen 
hundred  years  or  so,  you'd  a-thought  they'd  ort  to 
got  it  finished  ;  but,  then,  they've  been  burnt  out 
several  times. 

I  don't  want  to  brag  over  'em,  I  didn't  feel  like 
it  at  the  time,  though  I  couldn't  help  a-thinkin' 
that  we  built  the  Jonesville  meetin'-house  in  three 
months.  But,  then,  this  one  is  bigger  and  has  more 
work  on  it. 

Though  the  steeple  on  our  meetin'-house  is  very 
much  admired. 

Wall,  we  went  down  into  the  crypt.  It  is  called 
one  of  the  finest  in  Europe.  It  is  the  same  size  as 
the  cathedral. 

Here  are  some  more  warriors  buried — Lord  Nel 
son,  the  Duke  of  Wellington,  etc.  But  to  give 
credit  to  those  who  got  up  the  buryin'-ground,  there 
are  some  ministers  buried  there — sech  as  Dr.  Liddon, 
Dean  Milman,  and  eminent  painters,  sculpters,  etc. 

Here  lies  the  great  architect  of  the  cathedral,  Sir 
Christopher  Wren. 

Josiah  read  the  tablet  on  his  grave,  and  then  went 
to  explainin'  it  to  us. 


ST.    PAUL'S   AND   THE   DUKE   OF   WELLINGTON.     441 

Sez  he,  „"  It  tells  the  date  of  his  birth  and  his 
death,  and  then  it  sez  sunthin'  about  spice — allspice, 
I  guess.  Christopher  wuz  probble  fond  of  it.'' 

Sez  I,  for  I  knowed  the  words  by  heart— 

"  Reader,  if  you  ask  where  is  his  monument,  look 
about  you." 

Sez  Josiah,  "  You're  wrong,  Samantha.  There's 
the  word  spice  all  writ  out." 

Sez  I,  "  It's  a  dead  language,  Josiah — I've  trans 
lated  it.  And,"  sez  I,  "if  you  felt  as  I  did  a-lookin' 
round  on  his  matchless  monument,  sech  as  no  man 
ever  had  before,  you  wouldn't  talk  about  all 
spice." 

He  acted  real  huffy,  and  moved  on. 

Here  are  many  monuments  to  illustrious  people 
who  are  buried  somewhere  else. 

Down  here  in  the  east  end  is  a  chapel  where  they 
have  early  service  every  week  day. 

In  the  west  end  is  kept  the  funeral  car  on  which 
the  body  of  the  Duke  of  Wellington  wuz  carried  to 
the  grave— 

"  To  the  sound  of  the  people's  lamentation." 

It  is  a  handsome  structer  of  gun  metal.  One 
gun  took  at  each  of  the  Duke's  victories  bein' 
melted  to  make  it.  Twelve  horses  wuz  needed  to 
draw  this  car — it  broke  through  the  pavement  in 
many  places. 


442 


SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 


As  I  wuz  a-explainin'  this  to  Alice,  I   hearn  Jo- 
siah  say  to  Adrian  : 

"  On  account  of  his  legs  and  arms  bein'  so  heavey, 
I  spoze,  and  his  bein'  so  great." 

And  then  I  had  to  ex 
plain  to  that  child  agin 
that  his  greatness  wuz 
not  his  heft  by  the  steel 
yards,  nor  his  bein'  called 
iron  wuzn't  because  he 
wuz  made  of  cast  iron. 

I  guess  Adrian  under 
stood  it — I  guess  he  did. 
But  Josiah  Allen  wuz  a 
drawback  to  correct  in 
formation  -  -  indeed,  he 
wuz. 

For  as  we  wended  on 
I  hearn  him  explain  how 
this  cathedral  wuz  sot 
on  fire  in  1590  by  a 
woman  called  Anne  Do- 
mono. 

Sez  Adrian,  "  She  was  a  bad  woman,  wasn't  she  ?" 
"  Yes,"  sez  Josiah  with  a   deep  sithe,   "  old  Dom- 
ono  probble  had  his  hands  full  with  her — she  wuz  a 
fiery  creeter." 


YES,"  SEZ  JOSIAH,  "OLD  DOMONO  PROBBLE  HAD  HIS 

HANDS    FULL    WITH    HER." 


ST.    PAUL'S   AND   THE    DUKE   OF   WELLINGTON.     443 

But  here  I  interfered  and  explained  it  all  out  to 
Adrian,  much  as  I  hated  to  go  agin  my  pardner's 
words. 

Strange  doin's  has  been  done  in  this  old  meetin'- 
house  durin'  the  long  centuries  that  it  has  stood  here. 
It  almost  made  my  brain  reel  to  think  on  'em. 

Councils  of  the  church  wuz  held  here,  the  Bishop 
of  Exeter  sought  refuge  here  from  a  mob — wuz  pro 
claimed  a  traitor  and  beheaded.  Here  Wyckliffe 
wuz  tried  for  his  religious  opinions.  Here  popes 
sent  out  their  legates.  Here  kings  held  their  coun 
cils,  and  here  men  and  wimmen  sold  their  goods. 
And  some  with  stuns  and  arrers  killed  the  pigeons 
who  made  their  nests  in  the  ornaments  of  the  walls. 
Here,  too,  they  played  ball  and  other  games.  Queer 
doin's  for  meetin'-housen,  but  it  wuz  true.  But 
what  would  the  world  say  if  my  Josiah  and  Deacon 
Bobbett  should  take  to  playin'  ball  in  the  Jonesville 
meetin'-house,  or  Sister  Gowdy  and  I  should  play 
tag  round  the  pulpit  ?  Why,  how  foreign  nations 
would  be  all  rousted  up  and  sneer  at  us  ! 

Here  the  leaders  in  the  War  of  the  Roses  acted 
and  carried  on.  Here  Richard,  Duke  of  York, 
took  a  solemn  oath  to  uphold  Henry  VI.,  and  then 
tried  his  best  to  shake  him  off  the  throne — lyin'  and 
actin'  in  a  meetin'-house.  Plere  the  dead  body  of 
Henry  lay  in  state. 


444  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

After  the  Reformation  had  begun  it  wuz  dese 
crated  by  the  very  meanest  kind  of  doin's.  All 
kinds  of  business  wuz  carried  on,  all  kinds  of  amuse 
ments.  Busybodys  and  gossips  made  it  their  resort, 
and  the  Holy  Evelyn  said— 

"It  was  made  a  stable  of  horses  and  a  den  of 
thieves." 

Then,  if  you'll  believe  it,  some  of  the  reformers, 
or  them  who  called  themselves  sech  (queer  creeters, 
I  guess),  stole  the  beautiful  altar  clothes,  commun 
ion  plate,  candleabra,  etc. — jest  carried  'em  off  under 
the  mantilly  of  religion  they'd  put  on. 

Curous !  curous !  but,  then,  that  old  mantilly 
covers  up  lots  of  stolen  things  to-day,  and  mean 
ness  of  all  sorts. 

After  this  the  grand  old  meetin'-house  wuz  com 
pletely  burnt  down.  I  should  thought  it  would 
have  expected  lightnin'  to  strike  it,  or  sunthin'. 
Anyway,  it  all  burnt  down  to  ashes.  The  present 
buildin'  hain't  been  misused  in  that  way — the  ser 
vices  are  carried  on  decently  and  in  order. 

Wall,  we  hung  round  there  for  more'n  a  half 
day.  Josiah  had  took  the  precaution  to  eat  a  hearty 
lunch  before  we  sot  out,  so  he  remained  considera 
ble  quiet  till  the  nawin's  of  hunger  overtook  him 
agin.  And  we  left  at  sunset. 


CHAPTER  XXIV. 

"THE    WIDDER    ALBERT." 

I'D  told  Martin  when  we'd  first  come  to  London 
that  I  must  see  the  Widder  Albert  whilst  I  wuz 
there. 

A  few  days  had  run  by,  and  I  sez  to  Martin— 
"  Like  as  not  Victoria  will  be  a-wonderin'  why  I 
hain't  been  to  her  house." 

Of  course  when  I  first  arrove  I  had  sent  her 
word  to  once,  and  asked  her  in  a  friendly  way  to 
come  and  see  us  jest  as  quick  as  she  could,  knowin' 
that  it  wuz  etiket  for  me  to  do  so,  and  it  wuz 
nothin'  but  manners  for  her  to  make  the  first 
visit. 

And  a-takin'  it  right  to  home,  that  if  she  had 
come  over  to  Jonesville,  and  wuz  a-stoppin'  to  the 
tarvern  there,  it  would  be  my  place  to  make  the 
first  call.  I  hain't  over-peticular  in  sech  matters, 
but  still  I  set  quite  a  store  by  etiket,  after  all,  and 
havin'  made  the  overtoor  and  sent  the  word  that  I 
wuz  here,  I  didn't  want  to  demean  myself  by  actin' 
too  over-anxious  to  make  her  acquaintance,  though 
I  did  in  my  heart  want  to  neighbor  with  her,  think- 


446  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

in'  quite  a  lot  of  her  as  a  woman  who  had  rained 
long  and  rained  well. 

It  wuz  Martin  that  I  sent  the  word  by.  He  ar 
gued  quite  a  spell  about  the  onproperness  of  my  send- 
in'  sech  word  to  a  Queen.  But  I  argued  back  so 
fluent  about  the  dissapintment  it  would  be  to  her  if 
she  didn't  know  I  wuz  here,  and  my  onwillin'ness 
to  hurt  her  feelin's  by  my  not  makin'  myself  known 
to  her,  that  I  spoze  he  wuz  convinced,  for  he  sez— 

"  Leave  it  right  in  my  hands  ;  don't  say  a  word 
to  anybody  else  on  the  subject,  and  I  will  tend  to 
it  in  the  right  way." 

So  I  gin  my  promise,  and  as  he  hurried  right 
out  of  the  room,  I  spoze  he  tended  to  it  imegiately 
and  to  once.  And  I  sot  in  my  room  the  rest  of 
that  day  in  my  best  waist  and  my  shiniest  collar 
and  cuffs,  expectin'  some  that  she  would  be  to  see 
me  before  night. 

And  the  next  time  I  went  out  sight-seein', 
though  I  didn't  say  a  word  about  her,  accordin'  to 
my  promise,  yet  I  expected  to  go  back  and  see  the 
benine  face,  mebby  a-lookin'  over  the  bannisters 
a-waitin'  for  me. 

I  didn't  spoze  she  would  have  her  crown  on  at 
this  time — no,  I  expected  to  see  that  good,  likely 
face  surrounded  by  a  widder's  bunnet,  or  mebby  a 
crape  veil  throwed  on  kinder  careless  like. 


"  THE   WIDDER   ALBERT."  447 

I  knew  we  should  be  very  congenial.  We  both 
wished  so  well  to  our  own  sect — we  wuz  both  so 
attached  to  our  pardners  ;  and  though  hern  had 
passed  on  and  mine  wuz  still  with  me,  still  I  knew 
we  had  so  many  affectin'  incidents  of  our  early  days 
of  our  wedded  love,  before  our  perfectly  adorin' 
affection  for  Albert  and  Josiah  wuz  toned  down  by 
time  and  walkin'  round  in  stockin'  feet,  and 
throwin'  crowns  and  bootjacks  down  in  cross  and 
fraxious  hours,  when  meals  wuz  delayed,  or  the 
nations  riz  up  and  kicked,  or  the  geese  got  into  the 
garden,  or  slackness  about  kindlin'  wood,  or  the 
shortness  of  a  septer,  or  etc.,  etc.,  etc, 

Yes,  I  spozed  we  both  had  had  our  domestic 
trials.  I  spozed  that  Albert  had  his  ways  jest  as 
Josiah  has.  Every  pardner  has  'em — they're  frax 
ious,  touchy  at  times,  over-good  at  others,  and  have 
mysterious  ways.  Men  are  dretful  mysterious  cree- 
ters  at  times — dretful. 

Yes,  I  felt  that  we  could  find  perfect  volumes 
to  talk  over  on  this  subject,  for  if  ever  there  wuz 
two  wimmen  devoted  to  their  pardners  with  a  de 
votion  pure  and  cast  iron,  them  two  wimmen  wuz 
Samantha  and  Victoria. 

And  then,  too,  we  wuz  both  Mas.  I  spozed 
she  would  tell  me  the  good  pints  of  Albert  Ed 
ward,  and  I  laid  out  to  tell  her  of  the  oncommon 


448  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

smartness  of  Thomas  Jefferson.  And  the  more 
she  would  enlarge  on  Bertie,  the  more  I  would 
spread  myself  on  Tommy. 

And  then  the  girls  ;  how  she  would  tell  me  about 
Louise  and  Beatrice,  and  how  I  would  tell  her 
about  Tirzah  Ann — how  we'd  praise  'em  up  and 
compare  notes  about  'em. 

I  presoom  her  boys  and  girls  didn't  always  come 
up  to  her  idees  of  what  girls  and  boys  should  do, 
and  should  not  do.  And  if  she  told  me  in  confi 
dence  anything  of  this  sort,  I  wuz  a-layin'  out  to 
confide  in  her  about  Tirzah  Ann,  and  how  her 
efforts  to  be  genteel  wore  on  me,  and  how  she 
would  love  to  flirt  if  it  wuzn't  for  religion  and  a  lack 
of  material.  And  if  she  made  any  confidences  to  me 
about  Bertie — anything  relatin'  to  the  fair  sex,  and 
playin'  games,  etc.,  I  wuz  a-goin'  to  tell  her,  as 
much  as  I  love  Thomas  Jefferson,  I  thought  he  did 
play  checkers  too  much  ;  and  sence  he  wuz  riz  up 
so  as  a  lawyer,  the  wimmen  jest  made  fools  of 
themselves  and  him,  too,  a-follerin'  him  up  and 
a-makin'  of  him  ;  but,  then,  Maggie  didn't  care  a  cent 
about  it,  and  that  he  wuz  perfectly  devoted  to  his 
wife  and  children,  jest  as  her  boy  wuz. 

I  wuz  a-goin'  to"  say  that  I  would  never  mention 
these  things  to  a  single  soul  but  her,  anyway,  but 
I  knew  she  would  keep  it,  for  she  wuz  jest  like  me 


"THE    WIDDER   ALBERT."  449 

—if  her*boy  didn't  please  her,  she  went  right  to 
him  with  it,  and  that  ended  it.  She  stood  up  for 
him  to  his  back,  jest  as  I  stood  up  for  Thomas  J. 

Yes,  I  spozed  we  should  take  solid  comfort  a-con- 
fidin'  in  each  other,  and  mebby  a-givin'  each  other 
hints  that  would  be  helpful  in  the  futer. 

And  then  we  wuz  both  grandmas.  How  happy 
we  should  be  a-talkin'  over  the  oncommon  excel 
lencies  of  our  grandchildren  ! 

For  though  we  are  both  too  sensible  to  act  fool 
ish  in  sech  matters  and  be  partial,  yet  we  both 
knew  there  never  wuz  and  probble  never  would  be 
sech  grandchildren  as  ourn  wuz. 

And  then  I  had  some  very  valuable  receipts  I  laid 
out  to  gin  her  in  cases  of  croup  and  colic,  sech  as 
young  people  don't  pay  much  attention  to,  but 
which  I  knew  would  jest  suit  her,  and  which  might 
come  handy  for  her  grandchildren  or  great-grand 
children.  I  laid  out  to  write  'em  off  for  her.  One 
or  two  of  'em  wuz  in  poetry - 

"A  handful  of  catnip  steeped  with  care, 
With  a  little  lobelia  throwed  in  there, 
Mixed  with  some  honey  more  or  less, 
Will  mitigate  the  croup's  distress." 

And  this— 

"Some  mustard  seed, 

Some  onion  raw, 
Applied  to  chests — 


450  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

I  never  saw 

A  thing  more  strong 

To  draw,  to  draw." 

The  grammar  wuzn't  quite  what  I  would  have  liked 
it  to  be  in  this  last  verse  of  poetry,  but  I  made  it  in 
a  time  of  pain,  and  I  knew  that  when  croup  and  colic 
wuz  round,  she  nor  I  wuzn't  a-goin'  to  stand  on  a 
verb  more  or  less. 

And  then  I  had  another  one  : 

"  Some  spignut  roots 
Steeped  on  the  fire 
Is  always  good 
For  my  Josiah. 
And  a  little  Balm 
Of  Gilead  flowers 
Is  good  to  calm 
In  fraxious  hours." 

I  laid  out  to  gin  her  all  these  receipts,  and  offer 
to  send  her  the  ingregients  for  makin'  the  mixtures. 

Of  course  her  pardner  had  passed  away,  but  the 
world  is  full  of  men  and  wimmen,  and  sickness  and 
fraxiousness  are  rampant,  and  good  receipts  like 
these  don't  grow  on  every  gooseberry  bush. 

And  then,  I  had  a  lot  of  other  receipts  I  thought 
she'd  like.  And  I  wuz  a-goin'  to  ask  her  for  her 
receipt  for  makin'  milk  emptin's  bread  ;  somehow, 
mine  had  seemed  to  run  out  and  not  be  so  good  as 


"  THE   WIDDER  ALBERT."  451 

usual.     And  I  had  a  receipt  for  corn  bread  that  wuz 
perfectly  beautiful — 

"  Two  measures  of  meal  and  one  of  flour, 
Two  of  sweet  milk  and  one  of  sour, 
And  a  little  soda  and  molasses." 

Besides  the  literary  treat  of  this  poem,  the  excel 
lence  of  the  bread  wuz  fenominal. 

And  then,  how  we  both  would  love  to  talk  about 
the  interests  of  the  world  at  large  !  I  wuz  a-goin'  to 
compliment  her  by  sayin'  that  though  the  sun  never 
set  on  her  property,  while  it  sot  every  day  on  ourn, 
yet  she  couldn't  welcome  the  blazin'  sun  of  Right 
eousness  and  Enlightenment  any  more  gladly  than 
I  did.  And  how  first-rate  I  thought  some  of  her 
moves  had  been,  and  how  highly  glad  and  tickled 
I'd  been  over  'em  ;  and  then  I  wuz  layin'  out  to  draw 
her  attention  to  some  tangles  in  the  mane  and  tail 
of  the  old  Lion  of  England,  a-tellin'  her  at  the 
same  time  that  I  realized  only  too  well  the  dirt  and 
Onevenness  in  the  feathers  of  our  American  Eagle. 

I  wuz  a-goin'  to  talk  it  over  with  her  about  the 
opium  trade,  and  the  dretful  intemperance  and  hor 
rible  cuttin's  up  and  actin's,  and  the  dretful  crimes 
bein'  perpretated  \vay  out  in  Injy. 

Dretful  thing,  indeed,  takin'  a  woman  and  ruinin' 
her  body  and  soul  for  time  and  eternity,  and  then 


452  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

the  goverment  a-drawin'  money  out  of  this  eternal 
shame  and  ruin.  I  spozed  we  should  talk  a  sight 
about  that  and  draw  lots  of  morals  from  it,  too— 
draw  'em  a  good  ways.  And  the  horrible  doin's  in 
Armenia — I  thought  more'n  as  likely  as  not  we 
should  both  shed  tears  over  it. 

But,  as  I  say,  time  had  went  on,  and  she  hadn't 
come  to  see  me  yet.  I  asked  Martin  anxiously  what 
he  spozed  wuz  the  reason,  and  he  gin  me  various 
and  conflictin'  answers. 

Once  he  sed  she  wuz  sick  a-bed  ;  and  the  next 
hour,  in  answer  to  my  anxious  inquiry,  he  told  me  she 
had  gone  on  a  visit  to  a  fur  country.  And  when  I  re 
minded  him  of  the  descripency  in  his  statements,  he 
come  right  out  and  sed  she'd  broke  her  legs — both 
on  'em. 

"  But,"  sez  he,  "  don't  make  it  public — it's  a  State 
secret." 

Wall,  then  I  worried  considerable  about  her,  and 
sed  I  ort  to  go  and  see  'her,  and  carry  her  some 
Tincture  of  Wormwood. 

And  then  Martin  sed  she  wuz  entirely  well  and 
comfortable  and  happy,  but  couldn't  walk. 

But  I  sez,  "  She  might  send  me  word." 

"  She  did,"  sez  he  ;  "she  tells  you  that  the  next 
time  you  visit  England  she  hopes  to  see  you." 

"  The  next  time  !"  sez  I — "  there  won't  be  no  next 


"THE    WIDDER    ALBERT."  453 

time.  If  *  ever  git  acrost  the  ocean  agin  I  shall  stay 
there." 

"  Yes,"  sez  my  Josiah  ;  "  if  we  ever  see  home  agin 
we  shall  probble  never  step  our  feet  outside  the 
house  agin,  or  the  back  door-yard." 

But  I  sez,  "  I  shall  probble  walk  round  some  in 
the  front  yard,  and  mebby  visit  the  children." 

Sez  he,  "Not  for  years,  if  ever."  Sez  he,  "  I  want 
to  set  down  on  our  back  steps  and  set  there  for  over 
a  year  without  gittin'  up." 

I  felt  that  along  in  January  he  would  be  willin' 
to  move  round  a  little  and  git  into  the  house,  but 
that  dear  man  can't  be  megum. 

Wall,  with  deep  dissapintment  I  realized  that  the 
Widder  Albert  and  I  wuzn't  a-goin'  to  meet. 
If  she  wuz  in  the  state  Martin  said  she  wuz,  of 
course  I  knew  she  couldn't  take  no  comfort  a-visit- 
in',  and  I  hain't  no  hand  to  go  and  visit  sick  folks 
if  I  can't  help  'em. 

And  I  spoze,  as  Martin  sed,  that  she  had  good 
hired  girls  and  everything  done  for  her  comfort. 

But  I  worried  about  her  quite  a  good  deal. 

But  it  \vuz  a  comfort  to  me  to  think  of  what  a 
big  house  she  had — it  wuz  big  enough  to  hold  plenty 
of  help,  and  it  must  have  good  air  in  it — yes,  indeed  ! 
The  house  itself  is  as  big  as  from  our  house  over  to 
Deacon  Gowdey's,  and  I  d'no  but  bigger. 


454  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Martin  made  a  great  pint  on  goin'  to  see  the 
Bank  of  England.  I  believe  he  jest  loves  to  walk 
round  the  outside  of  buildin's  that  has  immense 
wealth  in  'em,  if  he  don't  go  inside.  He  and  Josiah 
went  and  wuz  gone  all  the  forenoon.  I  spozed  it 
would  take  a  week  to  go  through  all  the  rooms. 
Why,  there  is  nine  different  door-yards  right  inside 
the  buildin1  ;  they  call  'em  eourts,  and  the  rooms 
open  into  'em  ;  so  you  can  form  a  idee  of  how  big 
it  is.  But  I  didn't  seem  to  care  so  much  about 
goin',  so  I  stayed  to  home.  1  had  quite  a  talk  with 
Al  Faizi  about  it.  He'd  been  a-huntin'  up  facts 
and  idees,  as  his  way  is. 

He  didn't  condemn  the  ways  of  England  at  all— 
he  simply  told  the  facts  and  left  'em,  jest  as  the 
'postles  did.  tie  sed  he  found  that  in  the  Bank  of 
England  wuz  the  greatest  wealth  heaped  up  in  the 
smallest  space  that  the  world  had  ever  known  sence 
the  creation.  And  with  the  same  air  of  simply 
tellin'  a  fact,  and  then  leavin'  it,  in  the  New  Tes 
tament  way,  sez  he— 

"  Almost  in  the  shadow  of  this  building,  holding 
the  world's  wealth,  I  find  the  greatest  want  and 
wretchedness  and  crime  existing  that  I  have  ever 
looked  upon,  and  I  believe  the  worst  the  world  has 
ever  seen." 

He   didn't  say  that  there   must   be  a  screw  loose 


ALMOST   IN  THE   SHADOW   OF  THE  BANK  OF  ENGLAND,   I   FOUND  THE 

GREATEST    WANT    AND    WRETCHEDNESS." 


456  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

somewhere  in  the  great  revolvin'  wheel  of  Human 
ity  to  make  seeh  a  state  of  things  possible.  He 
jest  writ  down  sunthin'  in  that  hook  of  hisen — meb- 
hy  it  wuz  expressions  of  wonder  about  our  boasted 
civilization  havin'  accomplished  so  little  in  eighteen 
hundred  years,  when  the  richest  place  on  earth 
should  have  its  dark  shudder  of  the  greatest  want 
and  crime  clost  to  its  side.  No  ;  he  jest  stated  the 
facts  and  let  us  draw  our  own  morals,  and  as  fur  as 
we  wanted  to.  Martin  didn't  notice  his  remarks, 
nor  see  Al  Faizi  at  all,  so  fur  as  I  could  observe. 
He  went  on  a-talkin'  with  Josiah  about  the  bank, 
and  about  Rotten  Row  ;  he  sed  he  wanted  us  to 
see  that,  and  wanted  us  to  set  off  to  once. 

And  I  told  Alice  out  to  one  side,  when  we  wuz 
gittin'  ready,  that  I  didn't  know  as  I  wanted  her  to 
go  into  any  sech  a  nasty  place,  or  Adrian  either.  I 
take  good  care  of  the  children — yes,  indeed  I  do  ! 

But  \ve  found  out  when  we  got  there  that  Rotten 
Row  wuz  a  elegant  place,  fixed  off  for  ridin'  and 
drivin'.  Beautiful  ladies  and  grand-lookin'  gentle 
men,  and  if  there  wuz  anything  Rotten  about  'em, 
it  wuz  on  the  inside  of  their  phylackricies  ;  the  out 
side  of  'em  wuz  clean  and  brilliant. 

Some  say  that  the  place  where  these  great  folks 
congregate  is  well  named,  but  I  don't  believe  every 
thing  that  I  hear. 


"THE    WIDDER   ALBERT."  457 

Martirvenjoyed  the  seen  dretfully,  though  he  sed, 
on  commentin'  on  the  ladies  ridin',  that  none  on 
'em  could  come  up  to  an  American  woman  in 
grace,  and  he  sed  that  the  best  ridin'  that  he  ever 
see  wuz  by  cow-boys  on  a  Dakota  ranch. 

Wall,  I  couldn't  dispute  him,  never  havin'  neigh 
bored  with  cow-boys.  But  let  Martin  alone  for 
findin'  out  all  the  attractions  of  U.  S.  A.  No  ; 
U.  S.  A.  won't  suffer  in  Martin's  hands,  not  at  all. 

As  I  sed,  Martin  and  Alice  went  round  quite  a 
good  deal  to  see  her  friends — Lords  and  Ladies 
some  on  'em  ;  she  got  acquainted  with  'em  to  school, 
when  she  wuz  a-boardin'  with  that  Miss  Ponsions,  a 
good  likely  school-teacher  she  wuz,  so  fur  as  I 
could  make  out. 

But  owin'  to  the  Widder  Albert  enjoyin'  sech 
poor  health,  and  not  bein'  able  to  git  to  see  me,  I 
didn't  seem  to  want  to  go  round  so  much.  I  didn't 
want  to  go  to  parties — no,  indeed  ! 

Alice  come  home  from  one  gin  by  Lady  L , 

and,  if  you'll  believe  it,  her  pretty  dress  wuz  all 
crushed  and  torn,  fairly  spilte.  Alice  sed  there 
wuz  sech  a  jam  she  couldn't  breathe  hardly. 

And  I  sez,  "  Sech  doin's  don't  speak  well  for  the 
woman  of  the  house — lady  or  no  lady  ;  and,"  sez  I, 
"  I'd  love  to  advise  her  ;  I'd  tell  her  that  when  I 
give  a  quiltin'  or  a  parin'-bee  I  never  invite  more'n 


458  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

can  git  round  the  quilt  and  the  parin'  machines 
handy  and  without  crowdin'." 

Sez  I,  "  I  could  probble  put  idees  into  Lady 
L—  -'s  head  that  would  help  her  all  her  life  in 
futcr  parties."  But  I  didn't  happen  to  see  her, 
poor  thing  J  and  so  I  spoze  she'll  keep  on  in  the 
old  way. 

I  have  known  'em  who  lived  in  the  country,  fur 
back  from  the  delights  and  advantages  of  Jones- 
ville  -I  have  known  them  crceters,  when  they  come 
in  on  a  saw  log  or  on  a  load  of  calves  to  ship,  1  have 
seen  'em  look  with  perfect  or  at  the  commotion 
and  life  in  the  Jonesville  street,  where,  right  in  front 
of  the  tarvern,  I  have  seen  with  my  own  eyes  as 
many  as  five  teams  and  two  open  buggies,  besides 
walkers  on  the  sidewalk.  This  sight  to  'em,  fresh 
from  country  wilds,  where  one  wagon  along  the 
road  a  day  wuz  a  fair  average,  wuz  as  good  as  a  cir 
cus  to  'em. 

But  the  Jonesvillians  wuz  ust  to  the.  rush  and 
bustle  of  them  seven  teams,  and  acted  calm  and 
self-possessed  and  hauty  through  it  all. 

But  I  have  seen  the  pride  of  them  very  Jonesvil 
lians  took  down  when  they  visited  New  York. 
There  I  have  seen  'em  stand  with  or  on  lower 
Broadway,  when  they  see  the  rush,  and  jam,  and  push, 
and  pull,  and  I've  hearn  their  remarks,  full  as  won- 


RIGHT  IN  FRONT  OF  THE  TARVERN,  I  HAVE  SEEN  WITH  MY  OWN  EYES  AS 

MANY    AS    FIVE   TEAMS    AM)    TWO    OPEN    BUGGIES. 


460  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

derin'  and  as  agitated  as  the  backwooders  from  way 
behind  Jonesville. 

That  makes  two  ors,  as  I  figger  on't. 

Wall,  here  is  another  one  jest  as  big  or  bigger ; 
set  them  New  Yorkers,  them  very  Broadwayers, 
down  in  a  London  street,  and  you'll  have  another 
or  jest  as  big  to  add  as  the  two  foregoin'  ones. 

The  crowd  is  jest  as  much  immenser,  the  roar 
jest  as  much  louder,  the  jam,  and  push,  and  pull,  and 
drive,  and  yell,  and  crash,  and  scramble,  and  roar, 
and  rattle  jest  as  much  more  enormouser. 

Why,  imagine  the  slate  stuns  down  to  the  Jones 
ville  creek  all  springin'  up  into  men  and  wimmen,  and 
horses  and  wagons,  and  carriages  and  drays,  etc.,  etc., 
etc.,  and  you  may  have  a  faint  idee  of  the  countless 
number  on  'em  ;  and  then  imagine  over  all  that 
seen  a  deep,  black  curtain  of  fog  descended  down 
sudden,  and  out  of  that  roar  the  crowds  of  vehicles 
of  all  kinds,  the  yells  of  drivers,  and  most  probble 
the  yells  of  skairt-out  females  a-blendin'  in  it- 
imagine  it  if  you  can  ;  wall,  that  is  a  London 
street. 

I  wuz  considerable  interested  in  the  bridges  of 
London  that  crossed  the  Thames,  and  I  meditated 
every  time  I  crossed  one  on  'em  on  Old  London 
Bridge,  and  what  a  seen,  what  a  seen  that  wuz  for 
centuries  ;  with  houses  built  on  each  side  on't,  mer- 


"THE    WIDDER   ALBERT."  461 

chants  a»d  dealers  in  everything,  and  artists  and 
preachers,  for  all  I  know.  I  know,  anyway,  one  on 
'em  wuz  a  good  preacher — the  immortal  Bunyan. 
How  he  must  have  meditated  as  he  s6e  the  throng 
surge  past  him — old  and  young,  beggars  and  princes, 
velvet  and  rags  ! 

How  he  must  have  thought  of  the  hard  journey 
to  the  Celestial  City,  and  what  a  hard  tussle  it  wuz 
to  git  there  ! 

Hogarth  lived  here  at  one  time,  and  mebby  got 
the  idee  of  his  "  Rake's  Progress"  from  some  of  the 
endless  crowd  he  see  go  past.  Anyway,  he  probble 
see  rakes  enough,  if  that  wuz  all,  for  they  have  per 
meated  every  field  of  life,  a-rakin'  up  all  that  is  vile, 
and  leavin'  the  flowers  and  sweet  blades  of  grass  as 
they  raked  on. 

Holbein  lived  here. 

Life  on  that  old  bridge  must  have  been  a  sight  to 
contemplate,  havin'  a  good  time  on  it  some  of 
the  time,  most  probble,  jest  as  we  do  in  America 
and  Jonesville.  But  in  times  of  highest  prosperity 
a-knowin'  that  under  'em  wuz  a  deep,  black  cur 
rent  a-flowin',  jest  as  we  know  it  in  Jonesville,  only 
the  current  of  Human  Life  is  more  mysteriouser 
and  vague. 

Poor  William  Wallace  had  his  head  stuck  up 
here — ^ood  crceter,  it  wuz  a  shame  after  all  he  went 


462  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

through  :  a-losin'  his  first  wife  and  a-fightin'  so  for 
freedom.  And  Thomas  More,  and  Bolingbroke, 
and  lots  of  others — middlin'  good  creeters,  all  on 
'em.  And  then  there  wuz  traitors,  Jaek  Cade,  etc., 
etc.,  etc.  I  d'no  but  their  heads  did  less  trouble 
here  than  when  they  wuz  on  their  bodies,  so  fur  as 
the  world  wuz  concerned,  but  I  spoze  it  come  tough 
on  'em,  a-seein'  these  heads  \vuz  the  only  one 
they  had. 

And  Martin  took  us  to  parks  so  beautiful  and 
grand  that  they  took  down  Martin's  pride  consider 
able,  and  us  Jonesvillians,  whose  grassy  acre  in 
front  of  the  meetin'-house  had  looked  spacious  to 
us,  laid  out  as  it  wuz  with  young  maples  and  slip 
pery  ellums— 

But  where  wuz  our  pride,  and  where  wuz  Mar 
tin's  ?  Think  of  four  hundred  acres  all  full  of 
beauty:  that  is  Hyde  Park.  And  Windsor  Park, 
Queen  Victoria's  door-yard,  as  you  may  say,  has 
five  hundred  acres  in  it.  Jest  think  on't. 

And  there  we've  called  our  door-yard  big,  spe 
cially  sence  we  moved  the  fence  and  took  in  the 
old  gooseberry  patch.  I  had  boasted  to  neighbor- 
in'  wimmen  that  it  must  be  nigh  upon  a  quarter 
of  a  acre — but  five  hundred,  the  idee  ! 

Wall,  I'm  glad  I  hain't  got  to  tend  to  it,  and 
weed  the  poseys,  and  see  that  the  grass  is  cut. 


"THE    WIDDER    ALBERT."  463 

But,  the»,  she's  forehanded ;  she  can  afford  to 
hire. 

But,  amongst  all  the  parks  we  went  to,  Josiah  and 
I  seemed  to  like  the  Kew  Gardens  about  as  well  as 
any. 

I  had  deep  emotions,  for  wuz  it  not  there  that 
Clive  Newcome  walked  with  Ethel  ?  Her  sweet 
form  clost  to  him,  but  the  dreary  sea  of  Hopeless 
Despair  a-surgin'  through  his  heart,  a-seemin'  to 
wash  her  milds  away  from  him,  and  she  also,  visey 
versey. 

Poor  young  creeters  !    poor  young  hearts  ! 

I  seemed  to  see  'em  a-walkin'  before  me,  with 
downcast  heads  and  sad  eyes,  all  up  apd  down 
them  lovely  walks,  jest  as  in  Windsor  Park  I  seem 
ed  to  see  the  Merry  Wives  of  Windsor,  and  poor 
old  FalstafT  a-settin'  out  to  meet  'em. 

I  seemed  to  look  out  with  my  mind's  eye  for  that 
poor,  foolish,  vain  old  creeter  more'n  I  did  for 
Victoria's  clothes,  which  I  might  have  expected 
would  be  hung  out  to  dry  that  day — it  bein'  a  Mon 
day,  and  she  sech  a  splendid  housekeeper. 

I  have  said  what  emotions  rousted  up  in  me  as  I 
went  through  Kew  Gardens  ;  as  for  Josiah,  he  liked 
'em  because  he  could  git  provisions  here  of  all  kinds 
—good  ones,  too,  and  cheap. 


CHAPTER  XXV. 

A    VISIT    TO    THE    15KITLSII    MUSEUM. 

WALL,  we  went  to  the  British  Museum. 

To  give  any  idee  of  what  we  see  in  that  museum 
would  take  more  time,  and  foolscap  paper,  and  eye 
sight,  or  wind  and  ears  than  I  spoze  I  will  ever  be 
able  to  command. 

It  is  seven  acres  of  land  full  of  everything  rich 
and  rare  and  beautiful  from  our  time  back  to  the 
year  one,  and  further,  for  all  I  know.  The  marbles, 
engravin's,  picters,  coins,  manuscripts,  curosities— 
if  I  had  the  wealth  of  'em  in  money — if  I  could 
have  the  worth  of  jest  one  article  out  of  the  innu 
merable  multitude  of  'em,  I  could  jest  buy  out  the 
hull  town  of  Lyme,  and  live  on  the  interest  of  my 
money. 

The  museum  holds  everything  and  more  too. 
And  the  library,  why,  it  is  most  too  much  to  believe 
what  we  see  there.  Now,  I've  always  had  a  Bible 
and  a  New  Testament,  and  have  never  gin  much 
thought  whether  there  wtiz  any  other  different  ones  ; 
but  I  see  with  my  own  eyes  seventeen  hundred  dif 
ferent  kinds  of  Bibles. 


A   VISIT   TO   THE    BRITISH    MUSEUM.  465 

And  gof>d  land  !  everything  else  accordin' — every 
thing  else  a-swingin'  out  jest  as  regardless  of  cost 
and  space.  The  Egyptian  •  Gallery  wuz  a  sight  to 
see,  and  statutes  and  slabs  older  than  the  hills.  Who 
writ  them  words  on  'em  ?  Did  the  heads  ache,  and 
hearts,  jest  as  they  do  now  ?  I  spoze  so. 

Roman,  Grecian,  Assyrian  galleries,  galleries  of 
all  sorts,  birds  and  beasts  and  fishes  enough  to  stock 
the  world,  it  seemed  to  me. 

But  most  of  all  the  relicks  ;  some  on  'em  filled 
my  tired-out  brain  with  or  and  wonder  and  admira 
tion. 

Milton's  contract  with  his  publishers  for  "  Paradise 
Lost"  (he  got  five  pounds  down,  and  wuz  goin'  to 
git  five  dollars  more  when  the  first  edition  wuz  sold, 
and  so  on). 

They  took  the  advantage  on  him  ;  you  know  he 
wuz  blind,  and  couldn't  skirmish  round  and  look 
into  things  ;  so  Paradise  or  not,  they  got  the  better 
of  him. 

And  then  his  widder  ;  why  didn't  they  try  to  do  as 
they  ort  to  by  Miss  Milton  ?  She  sold  out  root  and 
branch  for  eight  dollars — the  idee  !  Why,  how  many 
copies  have  been  sold  of  that  book  ?  Enough  to 
build  up  a  mountain  as  high  as  the  Catskills. 

8  pounds  for  'em — what  a  shame  ! 

The   publishers   are  dead,    I   spoze  ;  yes,  I  spoze 


466  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Samuel  Symon  passed  away  years  ago,  but  he  left 
quite  a  big  family,  and  they  all  seem  to  foller  the 
old  gentleman's  plans,  and  are  doin'  first-rate  and 
layin'  up  money  real  fast. 

And  I  see  Hogarth's  receipts  for  some  of  his  pic- 
ters.  And  there  wuz  the  very  prayer-book  used  by 
Lady  Jane  Grey  on  the  scaffold. 

"  Lord,  thou  hast  been  our  dwelling  place  for  all 
generations,"  and  "  though  I  walk  through  the  val 
ley  and  the  shadow  of  death"  I  will  be  with  thee. 
I  wonder  if  she  heard  the  words  when  the  shadders 
lay  so  dark  on  her  pretty  head  ? 

Then  there  wuz  letters  writ  in  their  own  hands 
from  Martin  Luther,  Oliver  Cromwell,  Mary 
Queen  of  Scots,  Queen  Elizabeth,  Peter  the  Great, 
Dudley,  Leicester,  Francis  Bacon.  And  there 
wuzn't  a  word  in  Francises  letter,  so  fur  as  I  see,  as 
to  whether  he  wuz  Shakespeare  or  not,  or  whether 
Shakespeare  wuz  him. 

I  wish  I  knew  how  it  wuz  ! 

And  there  wuz  papers  and  letters  from  all  the 
kings  and  emperors,  and  George  Washington  right 
amongst  'em — it  kinder  tickled  my  pride  to  see 
George  there,  but  he  deserved  it. 

Then  there  wuz  the  old  bull  that  gin  Henry  the 
VIII.  the  name  of  Defender  of  the  Faith.  What 
kind  of  faith  did  he  act  out — the  faith  that  he  could 


A   VISIT   TO    THE   BRITISH    MUSEUM.  467 

marry  mdre  wimmen  and  chop  their  heads  off  than 
any  other  old  creeter  this  side  of  Blue  Beard. 

I  should  have  been  ashamed  if  I  wuz  him.  If  he 
had  been  a  woman  a-marryin'  and  a-killin'  and 
a-marryin',  and  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  they  wouldn't  have 
stood  it  half  so  long — they  would  have  broke  it  up  ; 
it  wouldn't  have  been  any  worse  in  a  female  for 
anything  I  know. 

And  then  there  wuz  the  message  from  Julius 
Caesar  a-sayin'  that  he  had  "  Veni,  vidi,  vici." 

I  spoze  Thomas  Jefferson  would  know  jest  what 
that  meant.  Josiah  thought  it  wuz  sunthin' 
about  some  wimmen — Nancy  somebody,  but  I 
d'no — I  wouldn't  ask. 

And  then  there  wuz  letters  from  good  riz  up 
creeters,  sech  as  John  Knox,  Sir  Isaac  Newton, 
Cardinal  Wolsey,  Cranmer,  Erasmus,  etc.,  etc.,  etc., 
etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  and  so  forth. 

Josiah  wuz  perfectly  beat  out  when  we  got  home 
that  night,  and  so  wuz  I. 

But  we  found  letters  from  home,  and  they 
seemed  to  refresh  us  and  take  our  minds  offen 
our  four  legs  and  our  two  dizzy  and  tired-out 
heads. 

Babe,  sweet  little  creeter,  she  writ  that  she  prayed 
for  me  every  night,  and  for  her  grandpapa,  too.  I 
wonder  if  that  is  one  reason  why  our  legs  didn't  give 


468 


SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 


out  completely  that  day,  as  they  threatened  to  time 
and  agin  ? 

Thomas  J.  and  Tirzah  Ann  writ  affectionate  let 
ters — Thomas  J.  a-tellin'  us  to  be  careful  and  not 
overdo,  and  Tirzah  Ann  sent  a 
heart  full  of  love,  and  a  request 
to  git  a  yard  and  a  half  of  lace 
with  deep  pints  on't  to  trim  a 
summer  waist. 

Ury  and  Philury  wanted  to 
know  when  we  wuz  a-comin' 
home,  and  whether,  with  deep 
respects,  they  should  take  up 
the  parlor  carpet,  that  seemed 
threatened  with  carpet  bugs,  and 
whether  it  wuz  best  to  break  up 
the  8-acre  lot. 

Oh,  sweet  and  tender  missives, 
how  near  they  seemed    to  bring 
the    old    home    to    us — drag    it 
right    along     over     the     glassy 
bridge  of  the  Atlantic  and  land 
it  at  our  feet ! 
Wall,  Martin  sed  he  wouldn't  fail  to  see  Madame 
Tussaud's  wax  riggers.       He    sed   undoubtedly  he 
would  be  asked  if  he'd  seen  'em.      And  Adrian  wuz 
anxious  to  go,  thinkin'  it  wuz  sunthin'  like  a  circus. 


C-  * 


BE     YOU    ANY     KIN     OF    BlLDAD     HENZY,    OF 
JONESYILLE  ?" 


A   VISIT   TO   THE   BRITISH    MUSEUM.  469 

But  we* found  it  wuz  a  sight,  a  sight  to  see  how 
nateral  they  wuz.  Why,  some  of  the  figgers  almost 
breathed,  and  you  can  see  'em — some  machinery 
rigged  up  inside,  I  spoze.  And  then  we  see  kings, 
and  queens,  and  princes,  and  warriors,  and  every 
body  else — we  got  fairly  light-headed  a-seein'  'em 
all,  and  I  spoze  Josiah  got  kinder  excited  and 
wrought  up,  or  he  wouldn't  have  done  as  he 
did. 

There  wuz  a  old  man  a-holdin'  a  programme  in 
his  hand,  and  every  little  while  he  would  lift  up  his 
head  and  look  round.  He  favored  Deacon  Henzy 
quite  a  good  deal,  and  Josiah  sez  to  me — 

"  I  believe  that  is  Deacon  Henzy's  cousin  ;  you 
know  he  sed  he  had  one  here  in  London.  Don't 
you  see  he  has  got  the  real  Henzy  nose  ?  I  believe 
I'll  be  neighborly  and  scrape  acquaintance  with 
him." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "he  duz  favor  the  Henzys,  but," 
sez  I,  "don't  be  too  forred  ;  the  Henzys  are  big 
feelin'." 

"  Big  feelin' !"  sez  Josiah  ;  "  don't  you  spoze  he 
will  be  glad  to  see  a  neighbor  of  his  own  blood 
relation?"  Sez  he,  "  He  will  be  glad  to  neighbor 
with  me." 

I  felt  dubersome,  but  he  advanced  onwards,  and 
sez  he  in  his  most  polite  axents— 


4/0  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

"  Be  you  any  kin  of  Bildad  Henzy,  of  Jones- 
ville  ?" 

The  old  man  never  moved,  but  read  away,  and 
occasionally  lifted  his  head  and  looked  round,  and 
Josiah  spoke  agin  a  little  louder — 

"Be  you  any  relative  of  Bildad  Henzy  ?" 

He  never  noticed  my  pardner  any  more'n  as 
if  he  wuz  dirt  under  his  feet,  and  my  pardner  got 
his  dander  up,  and  he  fairly  yelled  in  the  old  man's 
ears — 

"  Be  you  a  Henzy  ?"  And  hein'  mad,  he  added, 
"  Dum  you  !  I  believe  you  can  hear  if  you  want  to." 
And  he  put  his  hand  on  the  old  man's  shoulder  to 
draw  his  attention  to  him.  And  for  all  the  world  ! 
if  that  man  wuzn't  wax  !  Josiah  looked  meachin' 
for  as  much  as  four  minutes,  and  I  sez— 

"  I  told  you  to  look  ahead." 

"  You  didn't,  nuther,"  he  snapped  out. 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "it  wuz  words  to  that  effect,  and 
I  wouldn't  try  to  be  neighborly  agin  to-day." 

Sez  he,  "  If  I  see  a  man  afire  I  wouldn't  tell  him 
on't." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  he  would  probble  find  it  out  him 
self  ;  but  now,"  sez  I,  "  you'd  better  keep  right  by 


me." 


Wall,  as  I  said,  we  see  every  noted  woman  from 
Queen  Victoria  back  to  Eve,  I  guess ;  and  from  the 


A   VISIT   TO    THE   BRITISH    MUSEUM.  471 

Prince  of^Vales  and  his  wife  and  children  back  to 
little  Cain  and  Abel — or  I  presoom  Adam's  little 
boys  wuz  there,  though  1  don't  remember  of  seein' 
'em.  But  there  wuz  Knights,  Barons,  Crusaders, 
Kings,  and  Emperors,  all  dressed  up  in  royal  robes  ; 
the  Black  Prince,  as  good  a  lookin'  young  man  as  I 
want  to  see,  and  Kings  Edward  and  Richard  and 
Henry,  and  Queens  Mary  and  Elizabeth,  and  Mary, 
Queen  of  Scots,  all  ready  to  have  her  head  cut  off  ; 
and  her  rosary,  on  which  she  had  told  her  prayers 
those  dretful  days,  slipped  through  her  fingers  as 
much  as  to  say,  I  am  goin'  into  a  country  where  I 
sha'n't  want  you  any  more.  And  there  wuz  Marie 
Antonette — poor  creeter  !  and  Anne  Boleyn,  poor 
thing  !  she'd  better  not  married  a  widdower.  And 
Joan  of  Arc,  noble  creeter  !  I  felt  real  riz  up  a-look- 
in'  at  her — I  always  liked  her. 

And  I  wuz  dretful  interested  in  the  Napoleon 
rooms,  full  of  the  relicks  of  the  great  king 
maker. 

There  he  lay,  jest  as  nateral  as  life,  on  a  bed,  with 
his  cloak  wropped  round  him — the  very  cloak  he 
wore  at  the  battle  of  Marengo,  and  which  he 
wropped  round  his  body  some  like  a  pall  when  that 
heart  had  stopped  its  ambitious  throbbin's  ;  and  the 
world  breathed  freer. 

Then  there  wuz  his  coronation  robe — and  if  you'll 


472  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

believe   it,  the    coronation   robe   of  poor    Empress 
Josephine  right  by. 

I'd  a-gin  ten  cents  cheerfully  if  I  could  have 
got  a  little  piece  of  both  on  'em  for  my  crazy 
quilt.  But  I  didn't  spoze  they'd  be  willin'  to 
have  me  cut  'em  off,  so  I  didn't  tackle  the  guide 
about  it. 

And  mebby  it  wuz  jest  as  well,  I  d'no  as  I  could 
have  slept  much  under  them  two  robes  and  medi 
tated  on  what  they  had  covered  up.  Love,  triumph, 
doubt,  jealousy,  heartaches,  despair  would  permeate 
the  Josephine  crazy  block,  and  wild  passions,  and 
burnin'  ambition,  and  cold,  remorseless  neglect,  and 
desertion  would  most  likely  surround  the  Napoleon 
crazed  block. 

I  d'no  but  I  should  have  the  nightmair  every 
time  I  tried  to  sleep  under  it. 

Then  there  wuz  his  watch,  stopped  the  minute  he 
died,  his  ring,  camp  knife  and  fork,  coffee-pot,  snuff 
box — if  I  hadn't  seen  it,  I  wouldn't  believed  he  used 
snuff,  the  idee  is  somehow  so  incongrous  of  the  hero 
of  the  Nile,  the  conqueror  of  Europe  a-takin'  snuff. 
Why,  all  Jonesville  kinder  looks  down  on  old  Miss 
Moody  because  she  takes  snuff — black  snuff,  too, 
scented  high  with  bergamot. 

Wall,  one   of  the  most  life-like 
relicks  wuz  one  of  his  teeth  ;  that 


NAPOLEON'S  TOOTH. 


A    VISIT   TO   THE    BRITISH    MUSEUM.  473 

wuz  a  part  of  the  great  emperor,  or  wuz  once,  be 
fore  it  wuz  pulled  out. 

I  spoze  it  ached  jest  like  anybody's  tooth,  and  I 
presoom  he  wuz  hard  to  git  along  with,  and  talked 
rough,  jest  as  any  ordinary  man  duz,  durin'  its 
worst  twinges. 

I  presoom  he  sed  "  Dum  it!"  repeatedly  before  he 
made  up  his  mind  to  have  it  out. 

I  jedge  him  by  Josiah,  and  I  spoze  that  is  a  good 
way  to  jedge  men. 

Yes,  I  spoze  you  ketch  any  one  man  and  study 
him  clost,  and  you  have  a  good  idee  of  the  hull  male 
race. 

And  then  there  wuz  a  lock  of  hair,  took  right 
from  his  scalp,  so  I  spoze.  Oh,  what  burnin' 
thoughts  and  plans  and  ambitions  once  permeated 
the  spot  on  which  that  grew  ! 

My  emotions  wuz  a  perfect  sight  as  I  looked  at  it. 

And  we  see  clothes  and  relicks  of  every  other  great 
man,  it  seems  to  me,  that  ever  lived — Lord  Nelson, 
Henry  of  Navarre,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

And  we  see  riggers — lookin'  jest  as  nateral  as  if 
they  could  walk  up  and  shake  hands  with  you,  if 
they  wuz  a-mind  to — of  Shakespeare  and  Macaulay 
and  Scott  and  Byron,  Calvin  and  Knox  and  Luther, 
Lincoln's  homely,  good  face,  and  Grant,  Henry 
Ward  Beecher,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 


474  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

I  wouldn't  give  a  cent  to  see  all  the  riggers  of 
criminals  and  murderers,  but  Martin  thought  it  ad 
visable  to  walk  through  it,  so  he  could  say  he'd  been 
there,  I  spoze. 

And  there  \vuz  one  thing  among  everything  else 
that  gin  me  more  than  seventy  emotions,  and  that 
wuz  the  very  axe,  the  very  old  guillotine  that  cut 
off  the  heads  of  twenty-two  thousand  folks  durin' 
the  Rain  of  Terror  in  Paris. 

I  looked  at  the  piece  of  iron  with  feelin's,  as  I  say, 
beyend  description. 

And  I  wondered  out  loud  if  the  iron  wuz  now  dug 
out  of  the  sile  that  would  make  jest  sech  a  horrible 
instrument  for  America. 

I  groaned  deep  as  I  wondered  it. 

And  Josiah  sez,  "  You  talk  like  a  fool,  Saman- 
tha!" 

And  I  sez,   "  I  hope  I   do,  Josiah — I  hope  so  ! 

"  But  what  hammered  this  piece  of  iron  out  to  its 
terrible  use  wuz,  the  fiery  hammers  of  jealousy,  and 
fury,  and  hunger,  and  want,  and  the  gay  multitude 
went  on  in  its  gayety  and  extravagancies,  and  didn't 
heed  the  sullen  hammerin's  onto  that  iron,  and 
laughed  at  'em  that  called  attention  to  it — jest  as 
you  are  a-doin'  now,  Josiah  Allen." 

Sez  he,  "You  can  talk  about  my  extravagancies 
if  you  want  to,  Samantha  Allen,  but  I  hain't  half  the 


A   VISIT   TO    THE    BRITISH    MUSEUM.  475 

clothes  you  have,  and  they  hain't  trimmed  off  any 
where  nigh  as  high  as  yourn  are." 

But  I  went  on,  not  heedin'.his  triflin'  words. 

Sez  I,  "  The  same  furies  are  loose  in  the  streets 
of  our  American  cities  to-day — foolish  suspicion 
driv  by  mistaken  zeal,  jealousy,  heartburnin',  honest 
want,  and  need  on  one  side ;  injestice,  wrong,  op 
pressions,  extravagance,  indifference,  anger,  con 
tempt,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  on  the  other  side,  all  a-flamin' 
up  and  a-holdin'  up  a  light  for  jest  sech  a  axe  to  be 
ground  out.  How  long  will  I  hear  the  sullen  thun- 
derin'  of  the  silent  hammerin's  on  the  forge  of  igno 
rant  malice  and  hatred  and  jest  anger — how  long?" 
And  I  sithed  deep  and  heavey. 

And  Josiah  sez,  "  What  you  hear  is  the  thud  of 
folks  a-walkin'  through  the  Chamber  of  Hor- 
rows." 

And  sez  he  agin,  "  You  talk  like  a  fool !  America 
is  good  to  the  poor.  Look  at  So-and-so,  and  So-and- 
so,  and  So-and-so,"  sez  he,  a-bringin'  my  attention 
to  some  of  the  most  shinin'  lights  in  the  field  of 
philanthropy  and  jestice. 

Sez  I,  a-drawin'  his  attention  to  the  good  philan 
thropic  works  in  France — sez  I,  "  Paris  had  also  her 
So-and-so,  and  So-and-so,  and  So-and-so  before  the 
Rain  of  Terror." 

And  agin  I  gin  several  sithes  and  a  few  groans. 


SAMANTHA   IX    EUROPE. 

But  my  pardner  looked  cross  as  a  hear,  and  dog 
tired. 

So,  as  allegorin'  and  eppisodin'  must  yield  to  the 
powers  of  affection,  I  mekanically  follered  him  in 
silence  through  the  halls,  Martin  and  the  chil 
dren  hein'  in  another  part  of  the  huildin'  and  Al 
Faizi  somewhere  a-lookin'  or  a-takin'  notes  in  a 
noble  way — I  hain't  a  doubt  of  it. 

But  we  all  rejoined  each  other,  and  sot  off  home 
to  dinner  amid  Josiah's  great  rejoicin'. 

Wall,  Martin  took  us  to  the  Zoological  Garden, 
where  we  see  all  the  dumb  creeters  that  ever  wuz 
made,  it  seemed  to  me  ;  and  all  used  so  first-rate 
that  it  wuz  a  comfort  to  me  to  see  'em.  Great 
big  cages,  where  they  could  roam  round  some  and 
enjoy  themselves. 

And  wuzn't  it  a  pleasure  to  see  all  the  beauti 
ful  birds,  of  every  color  and  plume,  from  every 
country  from  Eden  down,  a-playin  round  in  the 
trees  and  in  the  ^ambient  air  ?  The  cages  as  big 
as  a  door-yard,  with  trees  in  'em,  where  they  can 
fly  round  in  the  branches.  And  water  birds  with 
their  own  ponds  to  float  in  ;  and  sea  birds  with 
real  sea-shores  fixed  up  for  'em. 

And  so  it  wuz  with  every  animal  from  a  elephant 
down,  wild  or  tame.  And  I  should  have  took  a 
sight  of  comfort  here  if  I  had  had  a  pair  of  iron  ear 


JOSIAH   AT   THE    LONDON    "  ZOO." 


478  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

pans,  or  even  gutty-perchy.  But  bein'  but  flesh 
and  blood,  them  pans  ached  with  the  fearful  noise 
the  animals  made. 

Josiah  wanted  the  worst  way  to  go  to  the  Parlia 
ment  of  Cogers,  whieh  wuz  established  over  two 
hundred  years  ago,  and  still  meets  in  Fleet  Street. 

Sez  Josiah,  "A  public  man  in  America  naterly 
depends  on  cogers  and  sech  for  his  election." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I  ;  "  Heaven  knows  that  is  so. 
Saloon-keepers  and  whiskey  and  beer  and  cider 
manafacturers,  and  whiskey  drinkers,  and  the  raw 
foreign  element,  and  other  cogers,  elect  more  poli 
ticians  to  office,  specially  in  our  big  towns,  than  any 
other  element  ;  and  pure  men  and  Christian 
wimmen  have  to  stand  back  and  be  ruled  by  'em." 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  blandly  ;  u  and  so  it  stands  any 
body  in  hand  who  has  political  aspirations  and 
wants  to  be  popular  with  the  masses  to  ingrashiate 
himself  with  all  the  cogers  he  can.  I  would  love 
to  see  what  means  these  men  take  to  endear  them 
selves  to  the  cogers,  besides  buyin'  'em,  and  makin' 
'em  drunk,  and  sech  other  ways  as  I'm  familar 
with." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "you'll  go  alone  for  all  of  me  ;  I 
see  cogers  enough  in  my  own  country  without 
huntin'  'em  up  here,  and  I'd  advise  you  to  keep 
away  from  'em."  Sez  I,  "  Your  head  hain't  strong 


A  VISIT   TO    THE   BRITISH    MUSEUM.  479 

enough,  ^osiah,  to  hold  only  jest  so  much,  and  I'd 
advise  you  to  fill  it  up  with  the  noble  and  grand 
objects  we  see  here  on  every  side,  and  let  cogers 
alone." 

"  But,"  sez  he,  "  my  futer  depends  on  'em  ;  I 
must  keep  up  with  other  statesmen  if  I'm  ever  to 
amount  to  anything." 

But  I  wouldn't  listen  to  any  more  of  his  argu 
ments,  and  \vaved  off  the  subject  almost  hautily. 

But  I  found  out  afterwards  that  the  Parliament 
wuzn't  cogers  as  Josiah  looked  on  'em,  and  they 
wuz  particular  to  be  called  r^gers,  with  the  empha 
sis  on  the  co.  I  found  they  wuz  a  sort  of  mock 
debates — patronized  by  lawyers,  political  men, 
newspaper  men,  clerks,  etc.,  where  they  de"bate  on 
every  subject,  and  drink  beer  and  smoke  pipes  and 
talk,  talk,  talk. 

Daniel  O'Connell  and  Curran  and  John  Wilkes 
and  many  others  eminent  in  debate  wuz  members 
of  this  club. 

I  had  always  pictered  the  Tower  of  London  as  a 
tall  tower  a-shootin'  up,  some  like  a  steeple,  only 
more  of  a  size  all  the  way  up ;  more,  mebby, 
like  a  very  tall  pillow.  But,  anyway,  I'd  always 
depictered  it  in  my  mind  as  steeple  or  pillow 
shaped. 

But,  to  my  surprise,  I  found  that  what  is  called  the 


480  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Tower  of  London  is  a  hull  lot  of  buildin's  that 
cover  nigh  upon  fourteen  acres  of  ground,  though 
there  are,  of  course,  a  number  of  towers  throwed  in 
—thirteen  of  'em  in  all — Bloody  Tower,  Bell 
Tower,  Jewel  Tower,  etc.,  etc.  They  date  back  to 
the  time  of  Caesar. 

There  wuz  a  Roman  fortress  on  this  spot  when 
the  Romans  held  London.  One  tower  is  called 
Caesar's  Tower  now.  William  the  Conqueror 
founded  the  Tower  of  London  as  we  see 
it.  When  he  wuz  alive  it  wuz  a  great  palace, 
with  thick  walls  for  safety  or  defence  ;  it 
wuz  used  as  a  prison  for  prisoners  of  state  mostly, 
and  now  it  is  used  as  an  arsenal.  Piles  of  rifles 
and  cannons  are  kep'  here  in  some  of  the  buildin's. 

The  principal  entrance  is  the  Lion's  Gate,  but 
there  are  three  other  gates.  The  Traitor's  Gate  wuz 
the  one  through  which  prisoners  wuz  took  into  the 
Tower.  I  don't  spoze  they  recognized  the  way  they 
wuz  took  out.  Then  there  is  the  Water  Gate  and 
the  Iron  Gate. 

One  of  the  most  interestin'  sights  there  wuz  the 
guards  who  had  charge  of  the  place.  They  had  on 
velvet  hats,  with  a  kind  of  a  wreath  on  'em,  some 
like  Tirzah  Ann's  last  winter's  hat,  and  a  deep  ruffle 
round  their  necks,  and  a  blue  sort  of  a  polenay  or 
overskirt,  with  a  belt  all  embroidered  with  roses 


A   VISIT   TO    THE    BRITISH    MUSEUM.  481 

and  thistles  and  shamrocks  and  crowns,  and,  etc.,  and 
short  pantoloons,  with  stockin's  comin'  up  to  the 
knee,  and  rosettes  on  their  knees  and  rosettes  on 
their  shues. 

Josiah  sez  to  me,  "  Never  before  sence  I  wuz 
born  have  I  seen  a  man  dressed  up  as  he  ort  to  be 
to  carry  out  my  idees.  You  can  see  for  yourself, 
Samantha,  jest  how  perfectly  beautiful,  and  how 
dressy  and  stylish  a  man  can  be  if  he  sets  out ; 
why,"  sez  he,  "  a  dress  like  that  would  take  twenty 
years  offen  my  age,  and  I  d'no  but  twenty- 
one,  and  I'm  bound  to  have  one  jest  exactly  like  it 
if  I  ever  live  to  git  home.  What  a  sensation  it  will 
create  in  Jonesville  ! "  sez  he  dreamily. 

I  gin  a  deep  sithe,  but  before  I  could  reply  the 
company  started  on  their  rounds  of  observation, 
led  by  one  of  them  gay-dressed  individuals.  They 
go  the  rounds  every  half  hour. 

Wall,  we  got  some  guide-books,  and  payed  our 
sixpence  apiece  for  our  tickets,  some  as  if  we  wuz 
goin'  into  a  menagerie,  and  follered  the  guide  over 
the  moat  bridge  into  the  different  towers. 

Martin  and  Josiah  wuz  dretful  interested  in  the 
place  where  the  weepons  wuz  kep',  bayonets  and 
swords  and  rifles  and  pistols  enough  to  equip  all  the 
armies  of  the  earth,  it  seemed  to  me. 

But  I  wuz   more  interested,  a  dretful  heart-sick- 


482  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

enin'  interest  in  the  place  where  the  wretched 
captives  wuz  imprisoned  and  wore  the  long  hours 
away  (jest  as  long  hours  as  we  have  now)  in  vain 
dreams  of  the  happy  and  brilliant  past.  A-lookin' 
forred  to  the  sure  approach  of  a  awful  death,  or, 
perhaps,  in  ellusive  hopes  of  escape  and  flight  to 
other  shores. 

But  the  shores  they  reached,  poor  things  !  wuz 
up  a  steep  the  livin'  has  never  climbed. 

We  see  on  the  walls  of  these  prisons  words  they 
carved  in  the  hours  they  waited  execution.  Arthur 
Poole,  who  tried  to  help  Mary  up  onto  the  English 
throne,  left  these  words— 

"  I.  II.  S.  A  passage  perillus  makethc  a  port 
pleasant— 1568. — A.  Poole." 

I  wonder  jest  how  he  felt  when  he  writ  them 
words — jest  what  a  heartache  and  heartbreak  spoke 
through  'em.  I  dare  presoom  to  say  he  thought 
too  much  of  Mary,  but  I  can't  help  that  now  ;  it's 
three  hundred  years  too  late. 

There  wuz  elaborate  carvin's  of  flowers,  leaves, 
figgers,  etc.,  and  the  names  of  their  unhappy  de 
signers,  \vho  seemin'ly  tried  to  light  up  their 
captivity  by  formin'  the  shapes  of  the  flowers 
they  would  never  see  a-growin'  in  freedom  agin 
— poseys  without  perfume,  cold  stun  rosys,  indeed. 

And   then   in  one  room  wuz  jest  that  one  word  : 


A    VISIT    TO    THE    BRITISH    MUSEUM.  483 

"  Jane."  * 

That  touched,  me  more'n  the  more  elaborate 
ones.  That  wuz  spozed  to  mean  Lady  Jane  Grey, 
and  wuz  carved  by  her  pardner,  Lord  Dudley.  It 
seemed  as  if  Love  wuz  a-callin'  out  to  her — "  Jane  !" 
jest  that  one  cry  acrost  the  silences  of  death  and 
eternity. 

Then  there  wuz  the  autograph  of  Philip  Howard, 
Earl  of  Arundel,  who  had  his  head  cut  off  in  1572 
for  wantin'  to  marry  Mary  Queen  of  Scots. 

What  a  havock  that  woman  did  make  amongst 
the  men  ! 

Then  in  the  White  Tower  we  see  the  place  where 
Essex  wuz  killed  and  the  rooms  occupied  by  Sir 
Walter  Raleigh,  and  in  the  Brick  To\ver  we  see  the 
prison  where  Walter  spent  the  last  days  of  his  life. 
I  wondered  if  through  the  long,  dreary  hours  them 
real  good  words  of  hisen  wuz  any  comfort  to  him  : 

"Give  me  my  scallop  shell  of  quiet, 
My  staffe  of  faith  to  walk  upon  ; 

My  scrip  of  joye — immortal  diet — 
My  bottle  of  salvation, 

My  gown  of  glory,  hope's  true  gage  ; 

— And  thus  I  take  my  pilgrimage. 

"  Blood  must  be  my  body's  balmer, 
While  my  soul,  like  peaceful  palmer, 
Travelleth   toward   the  land  of  Heaven. 


484  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

"There  will  I  kiss 
The  bowle  of  blisse, 
And  drink  mine  everlasting  fill 
Upon  every  milken-hill ; 
My  soul  will  be  a-dry  before  ; 
But  after  that  will  thirst  no  more." 

Them  lines  ort  to  have  been  a  comfort  to  him— 
mebby  they  wuz.  But  lines  writ  in  a  pleasant  room 
to  home,  with  the  door  shet  up,  don't  mebby  sound 
jest  the  same  on  the  scaffold  or  to  the  stake — dret- 
ful  echoes  sound  all  round  'em,  loud  voices  that 
mebby  drown  out  the  words. 

I  spoze  he  thought  sometimes  durin'  them  long 
days  of  his  friends  Shakespeare  and  Bacon.  Meb 
by  if  there  wuz  any  secrets  between  them  two  about 
the  plays,  he  knew  it.  I  wish  I  knew  what  it  wuz 
—I'd  give  fifty  cents  freely  if  it  could  be  made 
known  to  me. 

I  wonder  what  he  thought  of  Elizabeth  in  them 
days.  I  wonder  if  he  wuz  sorry  he  throwed  his 
cloak  down  for  her  to  walk  over.  He  tried  to  keep 
her  from  jest  dampenin'  her  feet  a  little,  and  she 
willin'  to  cut  his  head  off. 

I'll  bet  if  he'd  had  his  way  them  last  ten  days 
here,  he  would  have  let  her  sloshed  right  through 
the  mud,  and  not  offered  to  throw  his  cloak  down 
for  her. 


A   VISIT   TO   THE   BRITISH    MUSEUM.  485 

Poor,  capricious,  jealous  creeter,  Lib  wuz  ;  but  I 
believe  that  big  collar  she  always  wore  choked  her 
and  kinder  rasped  her  neck,  and  made  her  ugly.  It 
would  make  me  cross  as  a  bear,  it  seems  to  me. 

But  I  d'no  what  his  feelin's  wuz,  nor  what  hern 
wuz,  when  she  knew  the  man  who  wuz  once  her 
lover,  and  beloved  by  her,  wuz  spendin'  the  long 
days  alone  with  despair  and  death. 


CHAPTER  XXVI. 


PARIS    AND    ITS    BEAUTIES. 

WALL,  Martin  felt  and  sed  that  France  must  be 
took  in  by  him.      He  sed  that  a  full  knowledge  of 

the  French  character,  the 
country  and  the  customs 
and  habits  of  the  people, 
wuz  positively  imperative 
to  any  one  who  laid  any 
claims  to  fashion,  and  so 
he  laid  out  to  go  to  France 
and  give  it  a  exhaustive 
study.  He  laid  out,  he 
sed,  to  stay  in  the  coun 
try  not  less  than  three 
days,  and  he  might  possi 
bly  stay  four. 

Thinkses  I,  with  a  deep 
inward  sithe,  I  guess  it 
will  be  a  exhaustive  study ; 

CALF-O-LAY  !  i  HAIN'T  A  CALF  OR  A  ox  !"  HE  SHOUTED.      J£    exhausted    me    even    to 

think  of  bein'   raced  so  through  a  country,  whirled 
on  by  the  influence  of  Fashion  and  Martin. 


PARIS   AND    ITS    BEAUTIES.  487 

But  he  wuz  the  conductor  of  the  enterprise,  so  to 
speak,  and  we  had  torfoller  his  rules  blindly,  as  it  wuz. 

Wall,  travellin'  at  the  rate  of  speed  we  did,  my 
memories  are  apt  to  run  together,  some  like  the 
colors  of  a  calico  dress  after  it  is  washed — the  blacks 
and  reds  are  apt  to  mingle,  dark  eppisodes  and 
lighter  complected  ones — but  some  memories  stand 
out  vividly,  too  deeply  printed  to  fade  out. 

One  is  my  Josiah's  feelin's  at  not  havin'  his  break 
fast  till  'leven  o'clock. 

In  vain  the  waiter  told  him  that  at  any  time  he 
could  have  his  "  calf-o-lay"  (French). 

"  Lay  !"  sez  he  ;  u  that's  jest  what  I  want  to  get  rid 
on — lay  !  Do  you  spoze  that  after  gittin'  up  at  five 
o'clock  all  my  life,  I'm  a-goin'  to  lay  abed  till  noon  ?" 
And  then  the  waiter  murmured  sunthin'  agin  about 
"  calf-o-lay." 

And  that  madded  Josiah  agin,  and  sez  he,  "  What 
of  it — what  if  calves  do  lay  !  I  hain't  a  calf  or  a 
ox  !"  he  shouted.  "  You  think,"  sez  he,  "  that  be 
cause  I  come  from  the  country  that  you  can  go  on 
with  your  insultin'  talk  about  calves,  and  intimate 
that  I'm  a  calf.  But  I'll  let  you  know  that  you've  got 
holt  of  the  wrong  individual  to  impose  upon.  Keep 
your  dum  breakfast  till  noon  if  you  want  to  and 
starve  a  man  to  death,  but  you  shall  not  call  me  a 
calf." 


488  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

I  interrupted  him  and  told  him  that  he  meant 
coffee  with  milk. 

4<  Coffee  and  milk  !"  he  hollered  ;  "  what  is  that  to 
feed  a  starvin'  man  ?"  Sez  he,  "  I  want  pork  and 
beans  and  potaters  and  slap-jacks." 

Wall,  the  waiter  wuz  skairt  most  to  death,  but  I 
quieted  my  pardner  down,  and  the  next  time  I  had 
a  chance  I  bought  two  paper  bags  of  cookies  and 
sech,  to  appease  the  worst  cravin's  of  hunger,  and 
administered  'cm  to  him  as  I  had  need. 

Another  memory  is  seein'  the  bathers  goin'  in  at 
Havre,  and  the  trials  I  had  with  my  pardner  a-keep- 
in'  him  out  of  the  briny  surf. 

Sez  he,  "  Samantha,  I  will  go  in  a-bathin';  jest 
see,"  sez  he,  "  how  gayly  they  swim  and  float 
through  the  water,  all  dressed  up  in  bright  colors ; 
how  stylish  it  would  look,  what  a  air  it  would  gin 
us  to  see  you  and  me  a-floatin'  and  a-bobbin1  up  and 
down  in  that  element  !  It  would  be  sunthin'  so  uneek 
to  tell  to  Deacon  Gowdey  and  Ury. 

"And  then,"  sez  he,  "  we  could  lead  the  fashion 
to  home,  we  could  turn  the  buzz  saw-mill  dam  into 
a  perfect  carnival  of  delight." 

I  looked  coldly  at  him,  and  sez  I,  "  You're  not 
goin'  to  make  a  fool  of  yourself  at  your  age  by  bath- 
in'  and  foolin'  round  in  the  water." 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "  you're  always  preachin' up  bath- 


PARIS    AND    ITS    BEAUTIES. 


489 


in'  to  me  ;  you've  lectered  me  more  times  than  I've 
got  fingers  and  toes  about  bathin';  and  now  that  I'm 
willin'  to  foller  it  up,  you  draw  me  back." 

And  agin  he  looked  longin'ly  at  the  dancin'  surf 
and  the  gay-robed  bathers  and  the 
funny  bathin'  housen. 

But  I  sez,  "A  big  pail  of  water 
and  some  soap  and  towels  and 
the  seclusion  of  your  bedroom  are 
very  different  from  makin'  a  spec 
tacle  of  yourself  here  in  this  hant 
of  display." 

I  broke  it  up. 

And  then  at  Trouville,  though 
I  spoze  nobody  would  believe  it, 
and  he  denies  it  now,  yet  sech  is 
the  force  of  custom  and  fashion  on 
the  mind  of  my  beloved  pardner 
that  I  d'no  but  that  man  would 
have  played  cards  and  won  money 
mebby  up  as  high  as  25  cents,  if 
I'd  allowed  it. 

He  denies  the  awful  charge,  and  mebby  he's  right. 
But  he  talked  strange,  strange  for  a  deacon  and  a 
grandfather, 

But  while  engaged  in  these  purile  thoughts  while 
journeyin'  through  France  his  pardner  wuz  thinkin' 


HOW    STYLISH    I    WOULD    LOOK.' 


490  SAM  ANT  1 1 A    IN    EUROPE. 

of  what  we  owed  the  eountry,  and  how  it  sent  the 
flower  of  its  youth  and  bravery  to  help  us  in  our 
troublous  time. 

I  thought  of  the  young  Marquis  De  Lafayette 
leavin'  his  fair  France,  his  ease,  his  luxury,  and  his 
sweetheart,  to  sail  out  fur  away  into  the  midst  of 
privations  and  dangers  to  help  a  strugglin'  colony 
to  independence. 

And  then  I  thought  of  how  another  Frenchman, 
Jacques  Carder,  \vuz  the  first  white  man  to  navigate 
our  king  of  rivers,  the  St.  Lawrence.  Why,  my 
thoughts  soared  and  sailed  along  as  I  thought  of 
them  idees,  most  as  surgin'  and  deep  as  that  noble 
river  at  its  widest  pint,  and  my  pride  and  glory  in 
my  native  land  stood  up  above  that  sweepin'  current 
some  like  its  Thousand  Islands,  only  mebby  not 
ornamented  off  so  much  as  they  be  with  palaces, 
bridges,  cupalos,  torchlights,  etc.,  etc. 

But  I  felt  dretful  riz  up.  And  a-musin'  on  Lafay 
ette  and  the  debt  we  owed  France,  I  wondered  if 
they  got  in  a  tussel  with  England  or  Russia  or  etc. 
—if  Uncle  Sam  would  lay  to  and  help  her  in 
return. 

But  I  d'no  as  there  is  any  danger  of  our  havin' 
the  job,  seein'  she  has  got  about  six  millions  of  de 
fenders  in  her  army  and  navy  ;  and  we  about  20  or 
30  thousand. 


PARIS   AND    ITS   BEAUTIES.  491 

Queer,  hain't  it,  when  the  United  States  is  so 
much  bigger  than  she  is  ? 

But  the  fact  speaks  well  for  our  republic  and  all 
the  law-makers,  from  its  President  and  Governors 
down  to  its  Pathmasters  and  School  Trustees. 

In  Havre,  Alice  wuz  some  interested  in  seein' 
the  birthplace  of  Sara  Bernhardt.  She  had  seen 
her  act,  and  they  do  say,  though  she  is  considerable 
bony  in  figger  and  gittin'  along  in  years,  she  is  a 
marvel  of  grace,  and  acts  out  all  sorts  of  lives,  and 
dies  so  nateral  that  you'd  almost  appint  the  day  for 
her  funeral  and  pick  out  her  barriers. 

I  don't  spoze  I  could  ever  git  to  be  nigh  so 
graceful  as  she  is,  and  Josiah  don't  think  I  can  ;  he 
wuz  real  sot  on  it  when  we  talked  it  over. 

Al  Faizi  wuz  interested  in  seein'  the  birthplace  of 
Alphonse  Karr — he  had  read  his  works. 

Wall,  there  wuz  one  place  I  wanted  to  see  dret- 
fully  on  our  journey  to  Paris,  and  Al  Faizi  and 
Alice  wanted  to  see  it  too.  And  that  wuz  the 
place  where  the  Maid  of  Orleans  wuz  executed  in 
1431.  I  mentioned  to  Martin  our  desires. 

And  he  sez,  "Joan  of  Ark  ?  What  Ark,"  sez  he, 
"  is  that  ?  I  am  not  familiar  with  any  such  person 
age,"  sez  he. 

Sez  I,  "  You  can  call  her  that,  or  you  can  call  her 
Jennie  Dark  ;  you  can  call  it  either  way." 


I  DON'T  SPOZE  I  COULD  EVER  GIT  TO  BE  NIGH  so  GRACEFUL  AS  SHE  is. 


PARIS   AND    ITS    BEAUTIES.  493 

"  I  don't  know  any  Ark  or  Dark,"  sez  he. 
"  Was*she  a  woman  of  any  note?  Was  her  calling  a 
high  one  ?"  sez  he. 

"  About  as  high  as  you  git  here  below,"  sez  I. 
"  She  heard  voices  from  above  ;  angels  talked  with 
her  and  guided  her  on  her  way."  And  I  went  on 
and  related  her  history,  brief  though  impressive, 
comin'  to  me  through  Thomas  J. 

Sez  Martin,  "  I  don't  approve  of  following  up 
any  such  impostors  ;  I  don't  believe  in  any  such 
doings.  Common  sense  don't  bear  them  out." 

Sez  I  mildly,  "  Mebby  Oncommon  Sense  is 
needed  to  comprehend  it,  Martin." 

But  he  wuz  obdurate,  till  Alice  told  him  in 
her  sweet  way  that  she  would  really  love  to  go 
there. 

And  then  he  gin  in  to  once. 

And  we  did  go  to  the  Place  De  Pucelle,  where 
she  wuz  burned  to  death  for  bein'  more  speritual  and 
riz  up  than  her  burners. 

I  had  a  sight  of  emotions  as  I  stood  on  that  spot 
—sights  on  'em. 

You  see,  I  had  her  story  at  my  tongue's  end, 
Thomas  J.  had  read  it  to  me  so  much.  She  wuz  a 
common  country  girl,  whose  parents  wuz  day 
laborers.  She  herself  couldn't  read  or  write.  Into 
this  sile,  prepared,  as  you  may  say — speakin'  from  the 


494  SAMAXTHA    IX    EUROPE. 

laws    of    heredity — for    only    coarse    labor,    coarse 
thoughts,  common  desires  and  hopes — 

In  this  sile  sprung  up  the  consummit  flower  of 
speritual  communion.  Angels  talked  with  her. 
She  held  communion  with  the  Exalted  One. 
From  her  thirteenth  year  she  heard  voices  speakin' 
to  her.  They  did  not  tell  her  to  go  forth  to  labor 
like  her  brothers  and  sisters ;  no,  they  told  her  to 
free  France  from  the  English,  put  her  young  king 
on  the  throne.  The  onseen  one  that  talked  with 
her  enabled  her  to  know  her  troubled  young  king, 
amidst  a  crowd  of  his  own  age  and  dressed  jest  as 
he  wuz. 

She  had  hard  work  to  even  see  him  to  tell  her 
mission,  so  sure  wuz  the  Common  Sense  about  her 
that  the  Oncommon  Sense  she  had  wuz  only  im- 
poster. 

But  she  headed  the  army,  made  that  wicked,  dis 
solute  body  of  soldiers  some  like  Christian  En- 
deavorers,  so  ardent  and  sincere  \vuz  her  piety. 

She  won  the  battle.  Agin  and  agin  she  defeated 
the  enemy.  She  saw  her  young  king  crowned. 
Then  she  wanted  to  go  back  into  her  quiet  home— 
into  the  garden  where  in  the  cool  of  the  evenin'  she 
heard  the  heavenly  message.  She  said  her  work 
wuz  done.  But  they  wouldn't  let  her  go.  And 
wuz  it  because  she  didn't  foller  the  Voice  that  told 


PARIS   AND    ITS   BEAUTIES.  495 

her  to  go  back  to  her  old  home — did  a  little  per 
sonal  pride,  gratified  ambition,  ozze  in  and  flavor 
the  human  mandate  to  make  her  stay  ? 

I  d'no,  nor  Josiah  don't.  But  she  begun  to  make 
mistakes  after  this — lost  battles,  and  at  last  her 
own  countrymen,  though  allies  of  the  English, 
called  her  a  sorceress.  The  Common  Sense  found 
her  guilty  ;  the  same  C.  S.  burnt  her  up  root  and 
branch. 

But  the  Oncommon  Sense  didn't  desert  her. 
The  heavenly  influence  that  the  multitude  wuz 
blind  as  a  bat  to,  and  as  deef  as  a  adder,  made  her 
say  in  them  last  supreme  moments— 

"  I  did  hear  the  voices." 

Wall,  the  feelin's  I  had  as  I  stood  in  that  spot 
couldn't  be  counted — no,  not  on  a  typewriter. 

The  Common  Sense  felt  that  a  statute  to  her  ort 
to  be  useful,  as  well  as  ornamental,  so  they  made  it 
into  a  sort  of  a  waterin'  trough.  And  the  statute 
hain't  what  it  ort  to  be,  but  my  imagination  filled 
out  the  details,  and  I  see  as  I  look  at  it  the  rapt  face 
of  the  little  maiden  of  thirteen  a-lookin'  up  with 
illumined  eyes  as  she  received  the  message  ;  I  see 
her  a  noble  conqueror,  clad  in  armor,  stand  by  her 
young  king  as  she  see  him  crowned  ;  I  see  her 
noble  face  uplifted  to  Heaven  as  the  flames 
mounted  about  her  ;  I  hearn  her  say— 


496  SAMANTHA    IX    EUROPE. 

"  I  did  hear  the  voices." 

But  my  reflections  wuz  cut  short  by  the  words  : 

"  Well,  I  believe  tourists  usually  make  a  short 
stay  here  ;  it  is  comparatively  uninteresting.  This 
combination  of  trough  and  monument  is  remarkably 
uninteresting,  and  not  to  be  copied  by  Americans. 

"Though  considering  the  small  water  power 
France  possesses,  compared  with  our  own  great 
water-courses,  I  can't  perhaps  criticise  their  methods 
so  much."  This  I  heard  on  the  right  of  me,  then 
on  the  left  of  me  Josiah's  voice— 

"This  has  put  a  crackin'  good  idee  into  my  head, 
Samantha.  You  know  the  trough  out  east  of  the 
horse  barn,  Ury  might  kinder  chop  out  a  statute 
of  me  and  nail  it  on  top  of  it  ;  it  would  be  highly 
esteemed  by  my  fellow-townsmen.  He  could  put 
on  it,  you  know,  "  Deacon  and  salesman  in  the 
cheese  factory."  They'd  praise  the  trough  highly, 
and  I'll  have  Ury  begin  it  jest  as  quick  as  I  git 
home  ;  I've  got  a  good  block  of  hickory  over  to  the 
saw-mill." 

I  sithed  deep  and  turned  away,  and  I  see  Al 
Faizi's  rapt  face  a-lookin'  beyend  the  statute — fur 
beyend,  on  sunthin'  that  Martin  and  Josiah  couldn't 
see  if  they  lived  to  be  as  old  as  Metheuseleah. 

Alice  looked  real  sweet  and  dreamy,  too.  Adrian 
wuz  playin'  in  the  water. 


PARIS    AND    ITS    BEAUTIES.  497 

And  so  each  one  on  us  wuz  pursuin'  our  own 
peticular  fantcMns,  some  on  'em  as  thin  shadders  as 
the  materials  dreams  are  made  of,  and  some  on  'em 
as  real  and  practical  as  horse-blocks  and  anvils. 

Martin  sed  he  should  make  only  a  brief  visit  to 
France,  as  he  had  studied  the  country  so  exhaust 
ively  when  he  brung  Alice  over  here  to  school  and 
went  after  her  (in  all,  he  wuz  in  France  about  48 
hours)  ;  he  sed  he  could  spend  but  very  little 
time  there. 

But  he  sed  that  he  felt  that  the  proper  thing  to 
do  would  be  to  visit  Paris,  so  he  could  say  on  our 
return  that  we  had  come  straight  from  Paris.  I 
d'no  why  he  felt  so,  but  I  spoze  he  did. 

But  we  did,  indeed,  find  Paris  a  beautiful  city. 

Martin  put  up  at  a  first-class  tarvern,  as  he  always 
did.  But  I  hearn  him  tell  Josiah  that  they  cheat 
ed  him  on  every  side.  It  madded  Martin,  for  though 
he  always  duz  things  on  a  large,  noble  scale,  and  is 
willin'  to  pay  large,  yet  he  don't  want  to  be  cheated 
—nobody  duz. 

I  found  that  they  spoke  English  at  the  tarvern,  so 
my  worst  fears  wuz  squenched  ;  for  how  I  wuz  goin' 
to  git  along  and  feed  Josiah  in  a  land  where  bread 
wuz  "pain"  and  water  wuz  "oh"  wuz  more  than  I 
could  tell.  Besides,  other  things  accordin',  what 
wuz  I  to  do  ?  I  wildly  questioned  my  soul. 


498  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

% 

How  could  I  git  my  pardner  dressed,  and  warm 
ed,  and  git  him  from  place  to  place  wuz  more  than 
I  could  tell  ;  but  my  fears  wuz  vain,  for  though 
jabberin's  wuz  on  every  side  on  us,  and  rapid  vocifira- 
tion  in  senseless  brogue  wuz  in  voge,  yet  plenty  wuz 
found  who  spoke  our  good,  honest,  Jonesville  tongue. 

How  clean  Paris  is !  how  gay  and  bright  the 
streets  look  !  what  pretty  wimmen,  and  what  neat, 
smart-lookin'  men,  and  pretty  children,  too,  with 
their  smart  nurse-maids  !  elegant  carriages,  splendid 
housen,  magnificent  buildin's,  and  arches,  and  tow 
ers,  and  monuments,  and  meetin'-housen,  and  around 
everything  and  over  everything  the  gay,  bright  at 
mosphere  of  good  feelin'  and  politeness. 

No  wonder  folks  love  to  come  here,  and  don't 
want  to  go  away.  Why,  I  enjoyed  myself  first- 
rate  in  Paris,  and  Paris  enjoyed  my  bein'  there,  so 
fur  as  I  know  ;  they  acted  as  if  they  did,  anyway  ; 
most  always  a-smilin'  at  me  and  my  pardner  in  a 
most  agreeable  manner. 

Yes,  they  wuz  glad  we  had  lanched  out  and  come, 
I  hain't  a  doubt  on't. 

Alice  had  lots  of  school  friends  here,  and  wuz 
out  a  good  deal  a-seein'  'em,  and  Martin  and  Al 
Faizi  wuz  each  on  'em  a-pursuin'  their  own  favorite 
fantoms — as  different  as  any  two  fantoms  ever  wuz, 
from  first  to  last. 


PARIS    AND    ITS    BEAUTIES.  499 

But  Josiah  and  me  shacked  round  quite  a  good 
deal,  Adrian  a-goin'  with  us  quite  considerable. 
About  the  first  thing  that  strikes  you  as  you  ven 
ter  out-doors  is  the  wideness  and  beauty  of  the 
streets,  with  their  double  row  of  trees  and  their  ele 
gant  housen,  lookin'  so  sort  o'  finished — not  put  in 
anyhow,  like  a  palace  and  a  hovel,  but  all  kinder 
of  the  same  style  and  make,  handsome  as  picters, 
and  the  sidewalk  is  as  wide  as  from  our  house  to 
the  barn,  and  I  d'no  but  wider.  They  are 
twice  as  wide  as  the  main  street  in  Zoar,  some  on 
'em,  where  they  have  the  most  gay  and  beautiful 
stores  of  different  kinds  ;  and,  if  you'll  believe  it, 
they  have  tables  set  out-doors  in  the  most  hand 
some  style,  and  folks  a-eatin'  at  'em,  all  dressed  up 
and  a-jabberin'  away,  and  a-laughin',  and  havin'  a 
first-rate  time. 

Josiah  wuz  dretful  impressed  by  it  all. 

Sez  he,  as  if  he  wuz  a-usin'  real  big  words,  sez 
he- 

"  France  is  impressive  and  edifyin'  in  many  ways. 
What  improvements  we  can  witness  and  inaugerate 
to  home !  One  thing  I  shall  immegiately  proceed  to 
arrange ;  henceforth,  Samantha,  we  shall  always 
partake  of  our  food  out  by  the  side  of  the  road." 

I  looked  real  cold  at  the  idee,  and   he  went  on— 

"  Jest  think  of  the  gayety,  the  life   it  will  bring 


JOSIAH,    "CULTERED   AND    TRAVELLED,"    SCHEMES    FOR   JONESVILL1AN    OUT-DOOR 
DINNER    PARTIES,    A   LA   PARIS,    AND    HOW    SAMANTHA   FORESEES   THE   RESULT. 


PARIS    AND    ITS    BEAUTIES.  50! 

to  Jonesville  to  have  all  the  neighbors  a-eatin'  out 
by  the  highway,  for  of  eourse  they  will  foller  the 
example  of  those  who  are  cultered  and  travelled  ; 
imagine,"  sez  he,  a-wavin'  his  hand  and  enjoyin' 
himself  first-rate  in  futer  retrospects  ahead  on 
him— 

"  Imagine  Deacon  Henzy  and  Drusilly,  and  she 
that  wuz  Submit  Tewksbury  and  her  husband,  Si 
mon  Slimpsey  and  Betsy,  all  on  'em  a-eatin'  out 
doors,  a-minglin'  their  voices  with  ourn  as  we  set 
to  our  table  ;  I  with  my  dressin'-gown  on,  and  you, 
if  you  wanted  to,  a-playin'  on  a  accordeon  in  a  gay, 
light  manner  befittin'  the  happy  occasion." 

Sez  I,  "  It  would  be  a  lot  of  fun  to  set  down  in  a 
lot  of  burdocks  and  mullin  full  of  dirt ;  and  what 
would  happen  when  Deacon  Small  driv  his  big  herd 
of  cows  by  ?  You  know  they  always  will  go  a-pranc- 
in'  and  a-kickin'  up  the  dust  and  a-actin'  because 
he  wants  'em  to  eat  the  grass  along  the  side  of  the 
road. 

"  How  would  you  like  to  have  the  table  over 
turned  by  his  critters,  and  you  prostrated  by  a 
kick  in  the  stumick  as  you  tried  vainly  to  protect 
the  teapot  ?  How  would  you  like  to  have  that 
Jersey  entangle  his  huffs  in  the  tossels  of  your 
dressin'-gown,  and  drag  you  at  his  heels  ?"  sez  I. 

"  And  who'd  bring  the  food  out  there  and  bear  it 


502  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

in  agin  ?  And  if  you  think  I'm  a-goin'  to  learn  the 
accordeon  at  my  age  and  with  my  rumatiz,  you're 
mistakened." 

He  see  it  wuzn't  feasible,  hut  he  wouldn't  gin  in. 

He  drawed  my  attention  off  by  pin  tin'  down  the 
magnificent  vista  of  broad  avenues,  three  hundred 
feet  wide,  smooth  as  glass,  and  full  of  gay  vehicles, 
and  beyend,  risin'  up  like  a  dream  of  beauty  and 
grandeur  and  strength,  the  great  Arch  d'Etoile. 

This  can  never  be  described  by  Josiah  or  me  ;  it 
must  be  seen  to  be  appreciated.  It  is  the  grandest 
monument  Napoleon  has  left,  and  cost  over  two 
millions  of  dollars. 

But  as  you  go  on  you  see  fountains  and  columns 
and  gardens  and  arches  and  booths  and  groves  and 
singers  and  amusements  of  all  kinds  for  the  people, 
and  everything  else  that  is  beautiful  and  impressive 
and  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

The  Place  Vendome,  where  memories  of  the 
great  king-maker  hover  round  the  tall  columns 
that  picters  out  his  grand,  melancholy  career ; 
the  Tuileries  and  the  Louvre. 

How  be  I  a-goin'  to  make  the  public  and  Betsy 
Slimpsey  git  any  idee  of  them  palaces,  adorned 
with  all  that  is  most  beautiful  in  art  and  sculpter, 
and  that  cover  sixty  acres  of  ground  ! 

Mebby  I  could  gin   Drusilly  Henzy  a  little  idee 


PARIS   AND    ITS   BEAUTIES.  503 

on't,  for  that  is  jest  the  number  of  acres  of  solid 
ground  that  fell  onto  'em  from  her  father. 

It  jest  about  crushed  'em — the  wealth  seemed 
to  'em  ovenvhelmin'. 

Imagine  a  big  farm  all  risin'  up  into  palaces, 
beautiful  as  you  ever  see  rise  up  into  the  cloudy 
Heavens. 

The  Gallery  of  the  Louvre — wall,  if  Drusilly  and 
I  should  undertake  to  pick  up  every  little  grain  of 
dirt  that  goes  to  make  up  them  sixty  acres  of  hern, 
and  have  each  separate  one  branch  out  into  some 
beautiful,  be-a-u-tiful  form,  some  delicate,  exquisite 
fancy,  or  some  exalted  rigger  of  impressive  beauty 
—why,  wouldn't  we  be  tuckered  out  before  we 
got  through  ?  though  at  the  same  time  so  riz  up 
and  inspired,  that  we  wouldn't  know,  some  of 
the  time,  whether  we  wuz  in  the  body  or  out  on't. 

Wall,  that  may  gin  the  public  and  Betsy  some 
idee  of  what  everybody  must  make  up  their  mind 
to  go  through  when  they  tackle  the  Louvre. 

From  the  beginnin'  of  time  till  now  every  land 
has  contributed  its  choicest  treasures  to  this  hal 
lowed  place,  from  Nineveh  and  Egypt  to  Jones- 
ville  (for  was  not  Jonesville's  choicest  treasures  of 
humanity  represented  there  when  Josiah  Allen  and 
I  stood  there,  some  like  statutes,  only  more  com 
fortably  dressed,  and  lookin'  round  us  more  ?). 


504  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

What  poems  in  marble  bust  onto  our  visions, 
and  what  sights  on  'em  ! 

What  marvels  of  ancient  art  ! 

What  picters  !   what  pieters  ! 

Oh,  dear  me  !  it  lifts  me  up,  and  tuckers  me  out 
to  think  on  em  now.  Some  of  the  galleries  wuz  a 
quarter  of  a  mild  long. 

Jest  think  of  it  here,  as  fur  as  from  our 
house  over  to  Old  Grout  Nickleson's ;  and  I 
never  ust  to  think,  when  his  mother-in-law  was 
bed-rid,  that  I  could  walk  it ;  no,  I  always  had 
Josiah  hitch  up.  And  then  think  of  that  im 
mense  distance  full  on  each  side  of  the  best  of 
the  world. 

Picters  by-Guido,  Murillo,  Titian,  Rembrandt, 
Vandyke,  Leonardo  da  Vinci,  Wouverman,  etc., 
etc.,  etc. — picters  that  them  immortal  old  masters 
had  their  own  hands  on,  and  bent  their  own  glosvin' 
inspired  eyes  on. 

My  soul,  jest  think  on't ! 

Relicks  of  all  the  sovereigns — spurs  of  the  old 
conquerors  (and  how  they  did  spur  things  up  and 
make  'em  fly !). 

Relicks  of  kings  without  number — and  queens, 
too,  and  princes. 

Marie  Antoinette's  shues — I'm  glad  I  didn't  have 
to  walk  in  'em,  for  though  they  trod  through  pleas- 


PARIS   AND    ITS    BEAUTIES. 


505 


ant,  luxurious  places  at  first,  they  had  to  climb   up 
the  scaffold. 

Poor  creeter  ! 

The  Napoleon  Room  gin  me  a  sight  of  emotions, 
and  I  didn't  care  who  see  'em. 
I  jest  about  cried  when  I  looked 
on  that  old  flag  he  kissed  in  a 
sad  hour.  There  wuz  the  clothes 
he  wore  that  he  ust  to  button 
over  that  restless,  ambitious 
heart.  Yes,  and  there  wuz  some 
of  the  hair  that  riz  up  over  that 
ambitious  brain,  that  wuz  the 
terror  and  admiration  of  all 
Europe. 

He  used  Josephine  mean- 
mean  as  a  dog,  and  he 
wuz  too  high-sperited  and 
ambitious  ;  but  yet  what 
a  man,  what  a  man  he 
wuz  !  Sunthin'  good  and 
noble  must  have  been  in 
him  to  make  his  soldiers 
love  him  so.  How  they  totter  up  to-day  to  lay 
wreaths  on  the  railin'  round  his  statute — layin' 
at  his  marble  feet  the  poseys  of  their  hearts'  devo 
tion,  their  highest  love,  and  their  deepest  sorrer. 


THERE  wuz  THE  CLOTHES  HE  WORE  THAT  HE  UST  TO 

BUTTON   OVER    THAT    RESTLESS,    AMBITIOUS    HEART. 


506  SAMAXTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

No  man  not  naterally  noble  could  call  forth  sech 
affection  in  his  dependents. 

I  have  wished  a  hundred  times  I  could  have  been 
there,  and  neighbored  with  him  and  Josephine,  and 
kinder  kep'  'em  together,  and  quelled  him  down 
some  in  his  ambitious  views — things  would  have 
been  different,  no  doubt ;  I  presoom  she  wouldn't 
have  died  of  a  broken  heart — years  in  dyin',  but  so 
much  the  harder. 

He  wouldn't  have  had  to  be  shet  up  in  a  lone 
some  island  a  prisoner,  and  all  Europe  would  have 
fared  better. 

But  it  wuzn't  to  be — it  wuzn't  to  be. 

Pa  Smith  at  that  time  wuzn't  married,  and 
I  wuz — wall,  I  don't  really  know  where  I  wuz 
at  that  time,  nor  Josiah  don't  know ;  it  looked 
kinder  dubersome  and  vague  about  my  ever  bein' 
born  at  all,  and  things  had  to  go  on  jest  as  they 
did. 

Wall,  as  I  have  said  heretofore,  that  gallery  of 
the  Louvre  is  full,  full  to  ,  overflowin'  of  the  rich 
est  treasures  of  art,  as  my  riz-up  brain  and  my 
four  weary  legs  testify — my  own  two  extremities 
and  my  Josiah's  pair  on  'em. 

Hisen  ached  like  the  toothache,  so  he  sed. 

He  didn't  bear  his  weariness  silently  and  oncom- 
plainin'ly,  as  I  tried  to — no,  with  groanin's  that 


PARIS   AND   ITS   BEAUTIES.  507 

couldn't  be  uttered  hardly  he  kep'  by  my  side 
through  them  interminable  galleries. 

Adrian  asked  a  sight  of  questions — a  sight  on 
'em.  And  when  I  proposed  to  go  to  the  Bois 
de  Boulogne,  my  poor  pardner  asked  me  feelin'ly 
if  in  the  name  of  the  gracious  Peter  I  wanted 
another  boy  a-traipsin'  at  our  heels  a-askin'  enough 
questions  to  tire  out  a  regiment  of  soldiers. 

But  I  explained  it  all  out  to  him,  and  we  took 
considerable  comfort  there. 

The  place  wuz  more  beautiful  than  tongue 
could  tell.  Jest  as  a  French  woman  always  looks 
better  dressed  up  than  an  American  or  an  Eng 
lish  woman,  and  their  cities  more  brilliant  and 
beautiful,  jest  so  are  these  woods  fur  more  beauti 
ful  than  Jonesville  or  New  York  woods. 

Why,  jest  compare  our  sugar  bush  and  the 
woods  between  Zoar  and  Jonesville  with  these 
woods  of  Boulogne — where  be  they  ?  Further  off 
than  the  golden  sunset  is  to  the  vision  of  Josiah. 

And  the  Elysian  Fields — tongue  would  fail  to 
give  any  idee  of  \vhat  we  see  there. 

Notre  Dame,  perfect  indeed  duz  it  look,  a-risin' 
up  with  its  two  towers  a-dwarfin'  the  housen  about 
it,  though  they  are  sizable  ones. 

The  Egyptian  Obelisk  of  Luxor,  that  rises  up 
in  the  air  one  hundred  feet,  all  full  of  strange 


5O8  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

writin',  I  wish  it  could  speak  and  tell  what  it 
had  seen  all  through  the  past  centuries — what  its 
old  red  face  must  have  looked  down  on  from  first 
to  last. 

Curous  to  even  think  on.  I  presoom  it  must 
have  looked  down  on  Cleopatra  and  seen  her  a-cut- 
tin'  up  and  a-actin',  a-liirtin'  and  a-carryin'  matters 
altogether  too  fur  with  Antony,  Caesar,  etc.,  etc. 

I  wonder  if  the  old  obelisk  sees  any  sech  doin's 
now  in  Paris  in  1894? 

I  dare  presoom  to  say  she  duz.  Human  nater 
has  always  capered  sence  the  days  of  Adam  and 
Eve. 

It  hain't  never  talked  on  much,  but  I  always 
blamed  Antony  jest  as  much  as  I  did  Cleopatra  and 
Caesar  too  ;  they  all  ort  to  been  ashamed  of  them 
selves — and  sech  good  wives  as  they  had,  too. 
Aurelia  and  Calpurnia  wuz  real  good  wimmen,  so 
fur  as  I  ever  hearn  on. 

Wall,  the  big  fountain,  which  stood  not  fur  off, 
are  a  sight  to  see  and  are  ornamented  beautifully, 
besides  havin'  immense  water  priveliges,  and  they 
ort  to  have,  for  right  here  on  this  spot  stood 
that  dretful  thing,  the  guillotine. 

Oh,  what  doin's,  what  doin's  took  place  right 
here  !  Angels  must  have  veiled  their  faces  with 
their  feather  wings  as  they  flew  over  the  spot  in 


PARIS    AND    ITS    BEAUTIES.  509 

them  dretful  days  of  the  French  Revolution. 
Twenty-'eight  hundred  wuz  killed  here — had  their 
heads  cut  right  off — trompled  on  by  men  risin'  aginst 
tyrants,  killin'  'em  off ;  and  then  they,  too,  turned 
into  tyrants,  wuz  overthrown  and  killed  off  like 
sheep. 

Louis  XVI.,  Charlotte  Corday,  Marie  Antoinette, 
Danton,  Robespierre — oh,  what  dretful  things  to 
think  on  !  But  the  murmur  of  the  water  as  it 
spouted  up  and  fell  back  in  murmurs  whispered  of 
happier,  more  peaceful  times. 

In  a  place  where  stood  the  old  prison  of  Bas 
tille,  a  sile  steeped  with  the  tears  and  blood  of  the 
thousand  and  thousands  of  prisoners  and  victims, 
stands  Liberty,  a-standin'  upon  a  monument  one 
hundred  and  fifty  feet  high.  She  always  had  to 
wade  through  blood,  and  always  will,  for  all  I 
know.  She  had  a  broken  chain  in  one  hand — the 
past  is  behind  her,  the  chains  are  broke.  She  lifts 
up  a  torch  in  the  other  hand,  its  light  streams  into 
the  futer.  She  don't  lay  out  to  have  any  more 
sech  deeds  of  darkness  done  if  she  can  possibly 
help  it — you  can  see  that  by  the  looks  of  her. 


CHAPTER  XXVII. 

NAPOLEON  AND  OTHER  GREAT  FRENCHMEN. 

ONE  day  I  told  Josiah  that  I  must  go  to  see  the 
Invalides. 

And  he  sez,  "  You  better  keep  away,  Samantha  ; 
you  may  ketch  sunthin'." 

But  I  explained  that  I  wanted  to  see  the  tomb  of 
Napoleon,  so  he  gin  in,  and  we  went  there  and  stayed 
some  time. 

The  big  gilded  dome  of  this  meetin'-house  towers 
up  three  hundred  and  fifty  feet,  and  can  be  seen  all 
over  the  city,  and  would  be  apt  to  keep  Napoleon 
in  memory  if  France  wuz  inclined  to  forgit  him, 
which  it  hain't.  Here  he  lays,  jest  as  he  wanted  to, 
by  the  banks  of  the  waters  he  thought  so  much  on, 
and  with  the  French  people  he  loved. 

As  you  go  in,  you  see  under  a  gold  and  white  can 
opy  the  form  of  our  Lord  upon  the  cross  lookin'  down, 
down  into  a  splendid  tomb  surrounded  by  a  great  lau 
rel  crown  and  twelve  giant  statutes  of  Victories  a-tow- 
erin'  up  all  about  it — you  see  the  grave  of  the  Great 
Conqueror.  My  emotions  wuz  a  sight  to  behold  ;  I 
couldn't  count  'em,  nor  did  Josiah. 


NAPOLEON  AND  OTHER  GREAT  FRENCHMEN.   511 

All  the  thoughts  I  had  ever  had  about  the  Hero 
—and  they'd  been  soarin'  ones  and  a  endless  variety 
on  'em  seemin'ly — all  seemed  to  be  crystallized  and 
run  together  as  I  stood  in  that  spot.  But  how  could 
I  tell  my  feelin's  ?  I  couldn't  no  more'n  them 
twelve  marble  riggers  could,  who  lifted  their  grand 
colossial  riggers  all  round  his  coffin ;  their  great 
noble  faces  expressed  a  sight,  and  so  I  spoze 
mine  did,  but  it  would  have  been  jest  as  vain 
for  me  to  have  told  my  emotions  as  it  would 
for  them  to  open  their  marble  lips  and  told 
theirn. 

You  might  probble  thought  that  they  had  their 
own  idees  about  Napoleon,  and  so  had  I. 

He  waded  through  seas  of  blood  and  sufferin', 
personal  sufferin'  as  well,  up  from  obscurity  to  the 
topmost  pinnacle  of  worldly  glory.  He  left  achin', 
bleedin'  hearts  on  all  sides  on  him,  from  Josephine's 
down  to  the  widdersand  sweethearts  of  dead  soldiers, 
as  he  stalked  along  with  his  arms  folded,  and  that  old 
hat  of  hisen  on,  and  his  inscrutable  eyes  fixed  on  the 
heights,  so  I  spoze  ;  but  he  loved  his  country,  and 
there  wuz  sunthin'  about  the  man  that  drew  hearts 
to  him,  that  turned  grizzled  old  soldiers  into  babies 
when  they  spoke  on  him,  that  made  'em  willin'  to 
live  for  him,  to  die  for  him. 

1  d'no,  I  spoze  some  of  that  resistless  charm  rested 


WlTH    HIS    ARMS    FOLDED,    AND    THAT   OLD    HAT    OF    HISEN   ON,    AND    HIS 
INSCRUTABLE   EYES   FIXED    ON    THE    HEIGHTS. 


NAPOLEON   AND    OTHER   GREAT   FRENCHMEN.      513 

on  the  sublime  magnificence  of  that  place,  and  always 
will,  so  fur  as  I  kn<  \v.  y: 

I  felt  queer. 

But  Martin  could  not  pause  long  even  in  this 
place,  and  for  all  I  know  all  the  while  we  wuz  there 
he  wuz  a-pricein'  in  his  mind  the  marble  and  porphry 
and  all  the  matchless  splendor  of  the  tomb,  and 
a-calculatin'  on  how  much  the  money  invested  there 
would  bring  if  he  had  the  handlin'  of  it.  Anyway, 
we  wuz  probble  milds  and  milds  apart  in  our  minds, 
though  the  left  tab  of  my  man t illy  brushed  aginst 
him] 

Josiah  observed  as  we  turned  away  that  he  wuz 
11  hungry  and  dog  tired." 

Al  Faizi  wuz  deep  in  thought,  and  Alice  and 
Adrian  took  up  in  lookin'  about  'em,  and  wonderin' 
at  the  grand  and  solemn  magnificence  of  the  in 
terior. 

One  day  we  went  to  the  cemetery  of  Pere  La 
Chaise.  Alice  and  Al  Faizi  and  Adrian  went  with 
us  that  day  ;  Martin  had  got  to  go  to  see  some  big 
man  or  other,  who  owned  a  ranch  in  Montana,  in 
the  neighborhood  of  some  of  Martin's  friends. 

Wall,  what  a  quiet,  lovely  spot  that  cemetery  is, 
what  a  sweet  place  to  rest  in  when  our  little  life 
here  is  rounded  by  a  sleep  ! 

Over  two  hundred  acres  of  graves — what  glowin' 


5  14  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

hopes  and  joys,  what  miseries  and  despairs  found 
a  rest  here  !  Wealth  and  Poverty,  Ambition  and 
Love,  all  asleep. 

Rothschild  a-droppin'  his  money  bags  as  the  sleep 
come  on,  as  well  as  the  baby  who  reposes  under 
the  simple  stun  marked — "  Our  Own  Darling 
Baby." 

Hearts  ached  when  he  dropped  to  sleep. 

The  Countess  Demidoff  rests  under  the  costly 
Mausoleum  built  above  her.  And  Rachel,  the 
great  actress,  wonderful  creeter,  how  she  moved  the 
hearts  of  the  world  !  But  at  last  the  curtain  fell  and 
she  retired.  No  encore  from  friend  or  lover  can 
call  her  before  the  World's  footlights  agin — no,  she 
has  got  through  actin'  ;  has  gone  from  the  Make- 
Believe  into  the  Real. 

Talma,  too,  has  gone  to  sleep  in  that  quiet  place, 
and  Bcranger  and  Racine  and  Bernardin  St. 
Pierre. 

It  seemed  almost  as  though  Paul  and  Virginia  ort 
to  be  here  by  him. 

And  La  Place  and  Arago.  I  wonder  if  they 
hain't  havin'  a  good  time  up  amongst  the  stars  ;  I 
presoom  they  have  discovered  lots  of  new  worlds — 
hosts  of  'em.  And  General  Massena,  Marshal 
Davoust,  and  Marshal  Ney,  the  bravest  soldier.  And 
Chopin,  what  music  that  man  must  have  hearn  by 


NAPOLEON   AND    OTHER   GREAT   FRENCHMEN.       515 

this  time — more  melogious  than  he  ever  dreamt  on 
here  ! 

And  Alice  wanted  to  visit  the  graves  of  Abelard 
and  Heloise.  They  are  restin'  under  a  canopy, 
havin'  got  past  all  the  tribulations  that  beset  'em 
here  below. 

Alice  wanted  to  see  'em  for  Love's  sake — so  I 
spoze.  Poor  creeters  that  thought  so  much  of  each 
other  and  seemed  to  be  so  clost  to  each  other  that 
nothin'  earthly  could  separate  'em,  and  then  he 
a-dyin'  in  a  monastery  and  she  a-passin'  away  in  a 
nunnery  ;  separated  in  body,  but  united  in  sperit — 
so  I  spoze. 

Wall,  their  memories  are  close  linked  together, 
anyway,  and  will  walk  down  the  ages  together. 

Al  Faizi's  dark  eyes  dwelt  on  Alice,  and  the  mar 
ble  forms  of  the  lovers,  at  about  the  same  time  and 
for  quite  a  long  spell. 

His  look  seemed  to  take  'em  all  in — Alice's  sweet 
young  beauty  and  the  idee  of  the  sad  fate  of  the 
lovers. 

The  hull  sad  story  seemed  to  be  writ  out  in  his 
melancholy,  but  glowin'  eyes. 

Poor  creeter  ! 

Wall,  Martin  and  Alice  went  to  lots  of  places 
that  I  hadn't  no  idee  of  wantin'  to  go  to — receptions 
and  parties  and  theatres  ana  sech.  And  Martin 


516  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

come  home  from  the  theatre  with  his  big  feelin's 
kinder  trompled  down  for  once,  I  guess. 

They  wouldn't  let  him  in. 

He  probble  could  have  bought  out  the  hull  the 
atre,  root  and  branch,  and  not  felt  it  a  mite  ;  and  to 
home  they  would  have  strewed  flowers  in  his  path 
up  the  aisle,  if  he  had  jest  hinted  at  it. 

But  he  wuz  turned  out  here,  neck  and  crop,  be 
cause  he  hadn't  a  dress-suit  on. 

He  felt  meachin'  about  it,  I  believe,  though  he 
wouldn't  say  much.  But  the  next  night  they  went 
agin.  He  put  on  a  coat  with  pintcd  tails  and  kinder 
low  necked  in  front,  and  they  let  him  in  quick  as  a 
wink.  Josiah  said,  when  I  told  him  about  it,  that 
if  he  had  known  it  he  would  have  gin  Martin  the 
loan  of  his  dressin'-gown. 

Sez  he,  "  Of  course  that  would' ve  opened  the  doors 
to  once. 

"The  French  love  beauty,  and  that  dressin'-gown, 
when  the  tossels  are  combed  out  and  looped  up  as 
they  ort  to  be,  would  set  off  any  buildin'  and  orna 
ment  it."  Sez  he,  "  I  wouldn't  lend  it  on  any  com 
mon  occasion,  but  Martin  has  done  so  much  for  us 
I  would  make  the  venter." 

It  wouldn't  have  been  let  in, but  it  showed  Josiah's 
good  sperit,  anyway. 

But,  if  you'll   believe   it,    Alice   had  to  leave  her 


NAPOLEON   AND    OTHER    GREAT   FRENCHMEN.       517 

bunnet    out    in    the    anty-room     and    go     in    bare 
headed. 

I  wouldn't  have  done  it  for  nothin'  in  the  world- 
no,  you  wouldn't  have  ketched  me  a-reskin'  my  bun- 
net  by  leavin'  it  out-doors.  Why,  the  ribbin  on 
that  bunnet  cost  twenty-five  cents  per  yard,  besides 
the  bunnet  itself,  and  that  wuz  only  four  years  old, 
a-goin'  on  five. 

When  Alice  told  me  on  it  I  sez,  "  It  is  a  shame 
to  make  wimmen  go  in  bareheaded,  and,"  sez  I, 
"  what  would  Paul  say  ?  He  said  it  wuz  a  shame 
for  wimmen  to  appear  in  public  without  bunnets 
on." 

"But  I  thought,"  sez  Josiah,  "that  you  always 
thought  Paul  wuz  a-meddlin'  with  what  didn't  con 
cern  him,  and  he'd  better  kep'  to  morals  and  let  mil 
linery  business  alone.  You'd  never  let  me  bring  up 
them  texts." 

"Wall,"  sez  I  impressively,  "there  is  a  time  to 
quote  and  a  time  not  to  quote. 

"  I  should  have  argued  with  that  doorkeeper,  any 
way,  and,  if  necessary,  brung  up  the  Bible  to  him." 

And  Alice  bought  lots  of  fine  things  while  we  were 
there — her  Pa  wanted  her  to.  He  bought  a  lot, 
too. 

He  said  that  he  could  git  the  same  things  through 
a  dealer  he  knew  in  New  York  considerable  cheap- 


SAMANTHA    IN   EUROPE. 


A- \\I1-IN'    MY    FACE    ON    SECH 
GF.NTEEL    TOWELS. 


er,  "but,"  sez  he,  "it  doesn't  have  the  same  name. 
Anything  brought  from  Paris  is  so  dreadful  dis 
tinguished." 

And  I  spozed  that  he  wuz  in  the  right  on't,  and 
I  felt  that  I  too  would  love  to  branch  out  and  buy 
sunthin'  that  I  could  tell  the  neighbors  come  right 
from  Paris,  France. 

And  I  beset  Josiah  to  buy  me  a  sum 
mer  shawl,  but  he  said  that  he'd  seen  my 
summer  shawl  for  so  many  years  wropped 
round  the  form  he  loved  so,  that  the  idee 
of  seein'  me  in  any  other  shawl  wuz  re 
pugnant  to  him. 

\\  all,  then  I  laid  to  and  tried  to  git  him 
to  buy  me  a  handkerchief  pin  ;  but  he  said 
that  old  cameo  that   I  had  on   looked  so 
beautiful.      He    said    so    many    memories 
hung  round  that  shell  face  on   it   that  he 
couldn't  bear  to  see  me  with  any  other  on. 
And  so  it  wuz  with  my  winter  bunnet.      Sez  he, 
"  Oh,  the  times  I  have  seen  that  bunnet   a-frontin' 
up  to  me  when   I've    stood  by   the    meetin'-house 
door    a-waitin'  for  you,  and  it   looked  so  perfectly 
lovely  to  me,  as  I  stood  there  with   cold  legs  and 
I  ketched  sight  on   it  a-hallowin'  your  face   round 
as  I  see  it  a-comin'  towards  me  !     No  other  bunnet 
could  ever  look  to  me  as  that  did." 


NAPOLEON    AND    OTHER    GREAT    FRENCHMEN.       519 

And  so  with  my  shues,  and  my  gloves,  and  every 
other  article  ;  they  wuz  all  so  dear  to  him,  and  he 
showed  his  affection  to  'em  and  me  so  plain  that  I 
couldn't  bear  to  hurt  his  feelin's  by  gittin'  any  new 
ones. 

But  I  sez,  "  I  need  some  towels,  and  have  got  to 
have  'em."  So  he  give  a  reluctant  consent,  and  I 
swung  out  and  bought  two  new  huckabuck  towels, 
and  I  spoze  Miss  Gowdey  and  Sister  Ganzey  will 
be  surprised  and  sort  of  envious  to  see  me  a-wipin' 
my  face  on  sech  genteel  towels,  brung  from  sech  a 
fashionable  place,  for  I  lay  out  to  use  'em  and  not 
lay  'em  up — for,  as  the  Sammist  sez,  slightly 
changed— 

"  You  may  lay  up  towels,  but  how  do  you  know 
who  shall  gather  'em  ?" 

Wall,  when  the  time  come  forme  to  leave  France 
I  felt  bad,  for  besides  all  the  reasons  I  have  named, 
lots  of  thoughts  hovered  over  the  land  and  made  it 
dretful  interestin'  to  me. 

Victor  Hugo,  brave  old  exile,  trompled  on,  but 
like  a  rich  flower,  the  tromplin'  brought  out  their 
rarest  odor. 

Who  knows  whether  we  should  ever  had  u  Les 
Miserables"  if  he  had  stayed  to  home  and  been  made 
much  on  ? 

Mebby  the  sentences  of  that  incomparable  book, 


520  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

that  stun  our  minds  and  hearts,  like  the  quick, 
sharp  echoes  of  artillery  at  sea — mebby  they  would 
have  been  longer  drawed  out,  and  less  apt  to  strike 
the  mark,  if  he  hadn't  been  sent  into  exile. 

And  Josephine,  and  Napoleon,  and  Louis,  and 
Eugenie,  and  the  poor  young  Prince  Louis —  mem 
ories  of  all  on  'em  jest  walked  up  and  down  the 
bright,  beautiful  streets  with  me,  and  cast  a  sort  of 
a  melancholy  shadder  on  the  brightness,  some  like 
the  soft,  deep  shadders  of  a  cypress-tree  on  a  clean 
flower-bed. 

Yes,  I  had  emotions  enough  while  I  wuz  in 
France,  if  that  wuz  all — I  didn't  suffer  for  them— 
not  at  all. 

Martin,  from  the  first  to  the  last,  through  every 
country  we  visited,  drawed  up  comparisons  be 
tween  'em  and  America — to  the  great  advantage 
to  America. 

He  boasted  over  our  country  on  our  tower  as 
eloquent  as  a  Fourth  of  July  oriter  ever  did  from 
the  wilds  back  of  Loontown. 

I  hated  to  hear  him  callin'  every  other  country 
all  to  nort,  and  told  him  so.  And  in  the  cause  of 
Duty  I  told  him  of  several  things  these  countries 
went  ahead  of  ourn  in  ;  but  he  waved  'em  off,  and 
sez  he,  with  a  dignified  sort  of  scorn  : 

"  Bring  up  one,  if  you  can." 


NAPOLEON    AND    OTHER    GREAT    FRENCHMEN.       521 

"Wall,"sez   I,  a-lookin'  round   on   the   inside   of 

*> 
my  mind,  and  takin'tip  the  first  idee  that  happened 

to  be  in  sight — "  look  at  that  great  society,  that 
seems  like  the  mission  of  angels,  to  help  relieve  the 
wants  of  the  wounded  and  dyin'  on  the  battle 
field — the  Red  Cross,  the  gleam  of  which,  a-fallin' 
on  the  dyin'  soldier,  lights  up  his  face  with  hope 
and  courage.  The  foreign  nations  protect  that 
insigna — they  keep  it  sacred  to  this  sacred  cause  ; 
while  the  Goverment  of  the  United  States  allows 
it  to  be  used  on  liquor  casks,  and  cigar  boxes,  and 
etc.,  etc.,  a-trailin'  its  glorious  beams  in  the  mud 
and  dirt  for  a  little  money. 

"Why,  the  noble  woman  who  stands  a-holdin'  up 
the  Red  Cross,  a-tryin'  to  have  its  pure  rays  fall 
only  on  the  victims  of  war,  pestilence,  famine,  and 
other  national  calamities — she  has  to  see  it  a-shinin' 
jest  as  bright  on  the  causes  of  national  crime  and 
shame.  How  must  she  feel  to  see  it  go  on  ? 

"  Uncle  Sam  has  been  urged  year  after  year  to 
protect  this  insigna,  and  I  should  think  that  he 
would  feel  a  good  deal  as  if  somebody  wuz  a-urgin' 
him  to  not  stun  meetin'-housen,  and  whip  grandmas 
and  babies — I  should  think  that  he  would  sink 
down  with  shame  for  permittin'  sech  things  to  go 
on. 

"  I    declare    I    d'no    what    that    old    creeter   will 


522  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

do  next.  I  believe  he'd  sell  the  steelyards  that 
Jestice  weighs  things  in,  if  he  could  git  a  few  cents 
for  'em  ;  and  I  d'no  but  he'll  use  that  bandage 
of  hern  that  she  wears  over  her  eyes  to  stop  up 
bung-holes  in  whiskey  barrels ;  he  seems  to  be 
bendin'  his  hull  mind  on  helpin'  the  liquor  traffic. 

"  He  tries  me  dretfully.  But  mebby  he'll  brace 
up  and  do  right  in  this  matter  of  the  Red  Cross. 
I  mean  to  tackle  him  about  it,  anyway,  when  I  git 
a  good  chance. 

"And  then,"  sez  I,  "our  country  is  jest  as  much 
behind  these  European  countries  in  beauty  and  art 
as  Josiah's  new  wood  lot  is  that  he  is  jest  a-clearin' 
off,  with  stumps  and  brushwood  a-lyin'  on  every 
side,  compared  with  what  that  lot  would  be  after 
centuries  of  improvements  and  culter  had 
smoothed  the  ground  off  into  velvet  lawns,  with 
posey  beds,  like  rainbows  and  fountains  a-sparklin' 
on  it,  etc.,  etc. 

"  America,  to  foller  out  the  metafor,  has  only 
jest  got  her  giant  trees  chopped  down — the  stumps 
stand  thick,  the  brushwood  lays  round  in  fallers." 
Sez  I,  "It  will  take  years  and  years  and  years  to 
give  America  the  beauty  and  perfection  these 
countries  have  been  growin'  gradual  for  centuries. 

"We'll  do  it,  Martin,"  sez  I;  "we'll  git  even 
with  'em,  and  then  go  ahead  on  'em — as  fur  ahead 


I  BELIEVE  HE'D  SELL  THE    STEELYARDS    THAT   JESTICE   WEIGHS  THINGS 
IN,  IF    HE   COULD    GIT    A    FEW    CENTS    FOR    'EM. 


524  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

as  Lake  Superior  is  bigger  than  their  inland 
lakes—" 

"  Lakes  !"  sez  Martin  scornfully — "  ponds,  you 
mean." 

But  I  went  on  in  not  mindin'  him. 

"  Or  the  St.  Lawrence  is  bigger  than  the  Rhine, 
but  it  will  take  a  long,  long  time.  And  then 
in  a  lot  of  other  things  these  countries  are  superior 
to  ourn.  They  train  their  children  better  in  some 
of  these  countries.  Their  children  have  as  much 
agin  reverence  and  respect  for  parents  and  gar- 
deens,  and  them  who  are  in  authority,  as  American 
children  have.  Why,  a  English  or  a  German 
mother  would  faint  away  with  borrow  to  see  a  lot 
of  American  children  behave,  and  boss  round  their 
folks,  and  act.  And  then  look  at— 

I  wuz  jest  on  the  pint  of  bringin'  up  a  lot  more 
of  things  in  which  these  countries  excelled  ourn, 
when  Martin  looked  at  his  watch,  and  sed  that  he 
must  be  in  a  distant  part  of  the  city  in  ten  minutes 
by  the  clock  ;  so  he  went  out.  I  presoom  he  hated 
to  lose  my  eloquent  and  instructive  remarks  ;  but 
he  had  to  go. 


CHAPTER  XXVIII. 

GERMANY    AND    BELGIUM. 

MARTIN  sed  he  shouldn't  think  of  travellin'  in 
Germany,  as  he  had  made  a  very  exhaustive  study 
of  the  country  on  a  visit  he'd  paid  it  some  years  be 
fore.  I  knew  Alice  had  been  there  two  years,  a-stay- 
in'  with  a  Miss  Ponsione,  a  music-teacher,  as  nigh 
as  I  could  make  out,  a  kind  of  foreign  creeter,  I 
guess. 

Sez  he,  "  I  gave  more  exhaustive  attention  to  Ger 
many  than  to  any  other  country  in  Europe,  and  I 
would  not  wish  to  make  a  needless  expenditure  of 
time  there." 

Sez  I,  "  Martin,  how  long  a  time  did  you  stay  in 
Germany  ?" 

"  Over  a  week,"  sez  he. 

Wall,  thinkses  I,  accordin'  to  his  idees  that  is 
considerable  of  a  time.  Alice,  of  course,  didn't  care 
to  stay  there  long,  as  she  had  stayed  there  all  durin' 
her  vacations,  and  took  excursions  all  over  the 
country  with  that  Miss  Ponsione  and  her  folks ; 
there  seemed  to  be  a  hull  lot  of  'em,  all  girls,  as  nigh 
as  I  could  make  out. 


526 


SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 


And  it  wuz  from  her  that  I  learnt  that  her  Pa 
had  fell  and  sprained  his  ankle  and  hurt  his  head, 
and  wuz  bed-sick  all  the  time  he  wuz  in  Germany  ; 
he  wuzn't  able  to  lift  his  head  from  the  piller,  and 

so    I  guess  it  wuz  ruther  ex- 
haustin'    study    he    gin    to  it. 
But  I  \vanted  to  see  the  Rhine 
—I  wanted  to  see  "  Fair  Bin- 
gen  on  the  Rhine,"  I  wanted  to 
like  a  dog,  and  I  told  Alice  so. 
But  she  said  Bingen  looked 
jest  about  like  any  other  city. 
And    come    to    think    on't,    I 
spoze    it    wuz    the    homesick 
for    his    own    country 


that  made  the  "  Soldier  of  the 
Legion"  want  to  see  it  so  bad, 
and  made  its  scenery  seem 
fairer  and  lovelier,  and  made  its 
moonlight  fairer  and  brighter 
than  that  which  looked  down 
on  that  fur-off  battle-field, 
where  his  body  lay,  and  his 

homesick  sperit  a-wanderin'  off  to  "  Fair  Bingen  on 

the  Rhine." 

I  eppisoded  this  to  Josiah,  and  he  sez  with  a  sad 

look   on   his  face  —  he  wuz  awful  beat  out,  and  his 


No   ATTENTION    PAID    TO    RUMATIZ,  OR  MEAL 
TIMES,    OR    CORNS." 


GERMANY   AND    BELGIUM.  527 

corns  ached  fearful — "  Yes,  that  is  it,  I  feel  jest  so  ; 
I  could  tall?  jest  as  melogious  and  affectin'  this  min 
ute  about  '  Fair  Jonesville  on  the  Lyme.' 

Sez  I,  "  You  may  feel  jest  as  bad,  Josiah,  but  you 
can't  write  sech  poetry  as  that." 

"  Whattle  you  bet  ?"  sez  he,  a-settin'  the  bottle  of 
liniment  on  the  stand  ;  he'd  been  tryin'  to  irrigate 
them  corns  of  hisen  and  quell  'em  down  some. 
"Whattle  you  bet  I  can't?" 

Sez  I  mildly,  "That  Soldier  of  the  Legion  wuz 
dyin'  in  Algiers." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  I'm  a-dyin'  in  France  ;  what's  the 
difference  ?" 

Sez  I,  "  His  talk  about  his  distant  home  is  enough 
to  make  anybody  weep." 

"  Home  !"  sez  he.  "  Can't  I  talk  about  home  ? 
Why,"  sez  he,  "  if  I  should  swing  right  out  into 
poetry  and  describe  my  feelin's,  nobody  would  look  at 
that  soldier's  verses  agin,  if  I  should  let  myself  out  and 
tell  the  beauties  of  Jonesville,  and  what  we've  been 
through  sence  we  left  its  blessed  presinks  ;  why  that 
soldier  didn't  begin  to  know  what  trouble  wuz.  He 
wuz  a  single  man,"  sez  he. 

I  looked  coldly  at  him,  and  he  hastened  to  add 
with  a  deep  groan,  "  Oh,  what  hain't  we  been 
through,  in  verse  or  out  on't — what  hain't  we  been 
through  !  two  old  folks  snaked  through  Europe  by 


528  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

a  Martin  and  Fashion  ;  no  attention  paid  to  rumatiz, 
or  meal  times,  or  corns,   or  anything,  and  one  of 
them  dum  old  fools,"  sez  he  impressively,  and  in  a 
kind  of  a  rhymin'  axent,  "wuz  born  in  Jonesville— 
'  fair  Jonesville  on  the  Lyrne.'" 

I  wuz  born  myself  pretty  nigh  the  town  of  Lyme, 
jest  over  the  line,  but  I  wouldn't  contend. 

Sez  he,  "  I  could  make  up  hull  books  of  poetry 
on  our  tower  better  than  hisen,  enough  sight." 

"  No  you  can't,  Josiah,"  sez  I  ;  "jest  think  of 
them  beautiful  messages  he  sent  back  to  them  dis 
tant  friends  of  hisen  ;  it  hain't  in  you  to  write  like 
that." 

"  Wall,  it  is  in  me,  mom  ;  and  messages  !  Gracious 
Peter  !  couldn't  I  send  messages  back  ?  Couldn't  I 
send  heart-breakin'  messages  to  the  children,  and 
Ury,  and  Philury,  and  Deacon  Henzy,  and  Uncle 
Sime  Bentley,  and  the  rest  of  the  meetin'-house 
bretheren — couldn't  I  send  word  to  'em— 

"  When  they  meet  and  crowd  around 

The    horse-block    by    the     meetin'-house,    that    dear    old 
talkin'  ground  ? 

"  Couldn't  I  warn  the  hull  caboodle  on  'em  to 
stay  where  they  be,  in  that  beautiful,  beautiful  place  ; 
to  never  traipse  a  million  milds  from  home  on  a 
tower  ?  Let  'em  hear  my  dyin'  words  to  stay  where 


GERMANY   AND    BELGIUM.  529 

they  be.  Oh,  what  volumes  I  could  say  to  them 
companioifs  and  friends  if  I  could  git  holt  of  their 
ears  once !  I  wouldn't  want  'em  to  think  I  wuz 
rambelous  and  back  slid — no,  I  would  want  'em 
to  know  I  felt  like  sayin'  in  these  last  hours 
that— 

" '  I  am  a  married  man  and  not  afraid  to  die.' ' 

I  looked  dretful  cold  at  him  ;  I  hain't  no  idee 
what  he  meant,  if  he  meant  anything,  and  he  has 
tened  to  add — 

"  If  they  hain't  dum  loonaticks  and  crazy  as  loons 
they'll  stay  where  they  be,"  sez  he,  in  that  same 
rhymin'  axent— 

"  They'll  stay  right  there  in  Jonesville,  fair  Jones- 
ville  on  the  Lyme." 

Sez  I,  "  That  hain't  poetry,  Josiah." 

"  Wall,  it's  good  solid  horse  sense,  the  hull  of  it, 
and  the  last  line  is  poetry." 

Sez  I,  "  One  line  don't  make  poetry."  I  wuz  sorry 
I  said  it,  for  he  turned  his  eyes  up  towards  the  ceil- 
in'  in  deep  thought  a  minute,  and  then  he  kinder 
recited  out  in  blank  verse,  or  considerable  blank, 
though  it  rhymed  some— 

"  A  leadin'  man  of  Jonesville  lay  dyin'  in — 

He  hesitated  for  a  minute,  and  seemed  to  be  look- 
in'  round  the  room  for  a  word,  and  finally  his  eye 


530  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

fell  onto  his  feet — he  had  jest  drawed  his  boot  on 
agin,  and  I  spoze  the  pain  wuz  fearful,  but  it  seemed 
to  gin  him  an  idee — and  he  begun  agin— 

"A  leadin'  man  of  Jonesville  lay  dyin1  in  his  boots, 
There  wuz  dearth  of  rest  and  intment,  or  food,  or  heaHn' 

roots  ; 
But  his  pardner  sot  beside  him — 

Here  he  gin  me  a  witherin'  look  ;  I  spoze  I  wuz 
a-smilin'  some.  He  can't  write  poetry,  that  man 
can't,  and  mebby  I  showed  my  knowledge  of  the  fact 
in  my  mean. 

"  His  pardner  sot  beside  him,  a-jeerin'  at  his  woe, 
And  unto  her  he  faintly  sed,  in  axents  wan  and  low, 
'I've  a   message  and   a  groan  or  two,  to  send  most  any 

time, 

To    distant    friends    in  Jonesville,   fair  Jonesville  on  the 
Lyme.'  " 

Yes,  I  wuz  sorry  enough  I  mentioned  that  poem, 
for  before  night  that  man  had  a  hull  string  of 
verses  writ  off,  and  he  recited  'em  to  me  anon,  or 
oftener.  They  went  on  a-recountin'  all  the  peace  and 
beauty  of  Jonesville,  and  the  delights  of  stayin'  there 
and  takin'  solid  comfort  and  happiness,  and  the 
tribulations  two  old  folks  went  through  away  from 
that  blissful  spot,  with  their  bodies  moved  round 
from  place  to  place  on  a  tower,  and  the  verses  most 


GERMANY   AND   BELGIUM.  531 

all  on  'em  ended  with  these  lines,  some  like  the  mel 
ancholy  accompaniment  of  a  trombone— 

"And  one  old  fool  wuz  born  in  Jonesville, 
Fair  Jonesville  on  the  Lyme." 

And  some  on  'em  wuz  stronger — 

"  And  one  dum  old  fool  wuz  born  in  Jonesville, 
Fair  Jonesville  on  the  Lyme." 

His  axents  on  these  last  words  wuz  affectin'  in 
the  extreme,  and  he  seemed  to  think  I  ort  to  shed 
tears  when  he  said  'em,  and  I  didn't  know  but  I 
had  ort  to,  but  I  wuz  in  sunthin'  of  a  hurry  a  new 
bindin'  a  petticoat,  and  I  thought  I  wouldn't. 

One  verse  wuz  as  follers,  and  I  presoom  his  feel- 
in's  about  the  delights  of  our  home  wuz  powerful 
as  he  writ  it : 

"  Tell  Ury  and  Philury  to  joyous  wash  the  pan, 
To  worship  all  the  barn  chores,  adore  the  milky  can, 
The  Jerseys,   oh,  in   happier  hours  I   driv  'em  through 

the  crick, 
Oh,  angel  calves,  oh,  did  I  e'er  hit  one   on  'em   with   a 

stick  ? 
The  lovely,  sweet  young  critters  might  kick  me  time  and 

time, 
If  I  wuz  back  in  Jonesville,  fair  Jonesville  on  the  Lyme." 

And  there  wuz  one  to  Thomas  J.,  and  one  to 
Tirzah— 


532  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

"  Tell  Tirzah  Ann  that  other  Pars  must  comfort  her  young 
age," 

etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  all  put  down  jest  as  if  he  wuz  in  a 
dyin'  state  ;  no  regularity  or  symetry  in  the  lines, 
but  powerful  in  feelin's.  There  wuz  more'n  twenty- 
one  on  'em.  I  didn't  hear  all  on  'em — I  wouldn't, 
and  we  had  some  words. 

Wall,  Martin  wuz  sot  on  not  goin'  to  Germany, 
till  Adrian  sed  he  would  love  to  see  the  Rhine. 
That  settled  it — the  Rhine  wuz  seen.  That  man 
would  go  through  fire  and  water  if  his  little  pard- 
ner  jest  motioned  him  that  \vray. 

And  that  very  fact,  I  felt,  shed  a  perfect  halo 
round  Martin  Smith.  It  showed  that  deep  down 
in  the  nater  of  the  man,  all  covered  up  by  layers 
of  pride,  worldiness,  fashion,  ambition,  etc.,  there 
wuz  a  fount  of  pure  water  a-springin'  ;  but  few  in 
deed  could  pierce  down  to  it.  Alice  can,  and 
Adrian  can,  but  nobody  else,  so  fur  as  I  know  ;  but 
that  love  permeates  everything  he  sez  and  duz. 

As  wuz  nateral  on  French  sile,  we  got  to  talkin' 
about  poor  young  Prince  Louis,  the  pride  of  the 
third  Napoleon — the  very  heart  and  soul  of  his 
beautiful  Ma.  His  sad  fate  seemed  to  impress 
Adrian  dretfully.  He  wuz  dretful  sorry  for  him, 
and  sed  he  wuz.  Good  little  creeter  !  Any  tale  of 
sadness  and  sorrer  found  a  ready  sympathy  in  his 


GERMANY   AND    BELGIUM.  533 

tender,  generous  young  breast.  But  Martin  seem 
ed  to  draw  a  different  moral  from  it,  and  sez  he, 
when  I  wuz  a-tellin'  how  sorry  I  wuz  for  his  poor 
Ma,  sez  he — 

"  She  ought  to  have  looked  ahead,  she  never 
ought  to  have  allowed  him  to  go  into  such  danger, 
she  ought  to  do  as  I  do.  I  always  surround  my 
boy  with  safeguards  to  keep  him  out  of  danger's 
way  entirely,  and  therefore  he  is  safe." 

But  I  sez,  "  Martin,  in  this  world  it  is  hard  to 
tell  always  where  danger  is,  and  who  is  really  safe." 

"  But  I  know,"  sez  he,  "because  I  am  right  with 
him.  If  he  was  a  child  of  poor  parentage,  now, 
one  of  the  masses,  why,  then,  I  grant  you  I  could 
not  surround  him  with  such  safeguards,  but  as  it  is 
Adrian  is  perfectly  safe." 

I  felt  that  here  it  wuz  a  good  place  to  gin  a  little 
hint.  Sez  I,  "  Speakin'  of  safeguards,  Martin,  have 
you  ever  put  them  fenders  on  that  line  of  cars  of 
yourn  that  they  wanted  you  to  ?" 

"  No  !"  sez  he,  speakin'  up  pretty  sharp. 

Sez  I,  "  Don't  you  feel  that  you  ort  to,  for  the 
sake  of  children  whose  Mas  and  Pas  love  them  jest 
as  well  as  you  do  Adrian  ?" 

But  he  waived  off  that  idee,  sayin',  as  usual,  that 
it  wuzn't  expected  that  he  wuz  a-goin  to  spend  his 
life  and  fortune  for  the  sake  of  the  children  of  the 


534  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

masses,  who,  two  thirds  on  'em,  wuz  better  off 
dead  than  alive. 

I  hate  sech  talk. 

But  he  went  on  to  prove  by  statisticks  how  they 
grew  up  to  be  criminals,  and  paupers,  and  Coxey- 
ites,  and  the  world  wuz  well  rid  on  'em  if  they  died 
in  childhood. 

I  hate  sech  talk.  He  see  my  feelin's,  and  he  went 
on  jest  as  if  nothin'  had  been  sed,  and  repeated  that 
Adrian  wuz  perfectly  safe,  and  that  his  futer  wuz 
assured. 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  I  hope  so,  for  he  is  a  dretful 
good  little  boy,  and  smart,  and  I  hope  he  will  make 
a  useful  man." 

"  There  is  no  other  child  in  the  world  like  him," 
sez  Martin,  "  and  he  will  have  a  great  and  success 
ful  future.  I  shall  attend  to  that." 

"  Wall,"  I  sez  agin,  "  I  hope  so,"  and  I  truly  did. 
But  I  felt  dubersome  about  thinkin'  that  Martin 
had  it  all  in  his  own  hands — this  is  sech  a  queer 
world,  and  so  kinder  surprisin'  and  changeable. 

Wall,  Martin  wuz  as  good  as  his  word,  we  didn't 
stay  long  in  Germany,  but  seeiri'  that  Adrian  wanted 
to  see  the  Rhine,  we  sot  out  for  it.  We  went 
through  Valenciennes  on  the  night  train,  which  Jo- 
siah  sed  wuz  indeed  a  blessin',  and  he  sed  that  Mar 
tin,  in  some  things,  did  show  great  tax. 


GERMANY   AND    BELGIUM.  535 

Sez  I,  "  What  do  you  mean  ?" 

"Why,  you'd  been  a-wantin'  to  git  some  of  that 
lace  of  theirn  for  a  nightcap,  or  sunthin',  if  you 
hadn't  been  sound  asleep  and  a-snorin'." 

I  never  snore,  and  he  knows  it.  He  is  the  one. 
I  may  sometimes  breathe  a  little  hard,  that's  all. 
And  I  sez,  willin'  to  give  him  a  woond  for  the  on- 
merited  snore  eppisode,  sez  I— 

"  I  can  git  some  in  Brussels  ;  their  lace  wears  like 
iron." 

He  wuz  earnest  in  a  minute,  deeply  earnest. 
Sez  he— 

"  If  you  knew,  Samantha,  how  becomin'  your 
nightcaps  are,  and  how  perfectly  sweet  you  look 
with  the  plain  muslin  ruffles  round  your  dear  face, 
you  wouldn't  speak  of  lace." 

That  "  dear"  touched  my  heart.  He  hadn't  used 
the  adjective  in  some  time.  But  I  wouldn't  prom 
ise  not  to  git  any.  I  think  he  worried  all  the  time 
we  wuz  in  Brussels,  but  he  needn't.  I  am  a  good 
economizer,  I  didn't  lay  out  to  git  any — I  had 
above  a  yard  of  good  Torchon  to  home.  I  didn't 
need  any  lace. 

Godfrey  D.  Bouillon  stood  up  in  plain  sight  jest 
as  he  has  been  a-standin'  for  a  number  of  years, 
a-holdin'  up  the  banner  of  the  Cross.  Good,  deter 
mined  creeter  he  wuz. 


536  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

Wail,  we  went  to  see  public  buildin's  and  towers, 
from  them  one  to  three  or  four  hundred  feet  high 
to  more  megum  ones,  and  galleries  of  paintin's,  and 
parks  and  statutes  ;  and  one  little  statute  rigged  up 
as  a  kind  of  a  fountain,  I  won't  say  nothin'  about — the 
least  sed  the  soonest  mended.  But  it  wuz  a  shame 
and  a  disgrace,  and  if  I'd  had  my  way  the  poor  little 
creeter  would  have  had  at  least  a  shirt  put  onto 
him,  or  I  would  know  the  reason  why. 

A  perfect  shame  to  behold  ! 

In  the  Museum  of  Paintings  Josiah  got  real 
skairt.  He  wuz  kinder  prowlin'  round,  and  he  hap 
pened  to  see  a  door  partly  open,  and  it  wuz  nateral, 
so  he  sez,  to  kinder  look  in.  But  he  shrunk  back 
in  extreme  perterbation,  and  sez  he— 

"  By  Jehoshaphat,  what  have  I  done  ?" 

Sez  I,  "  What  is  it,  Josiah  ?" 

Sez  he,  his  face  as  red  as  anything,  "  A  woman 
jest  dressin'  herself — she  seems  all  broke  up." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "  you  keep  out  of  there  ;  you  stay 
right  by  me." 

"  Wall,  I  lay  out  to  !"  he  snapped  out. 

Wall,  I  looked  in  myself.  I  had  no  curosity,  but 
I  felt  that  I  had  better  see  if  my  pardner  had  done 
any  harm.  And  I  see  a  young  woman  all  kinder 
crouched  together  a-holdin'  her  clothes  round  her, 
and  I  sez — 


GERMANY   AND    BELGIUM. 


537 


"  Mom,  you  needn't  be  afraid,  my  pardner 
wouldn't  hurt  a  hair  of  your  head." 

She  didn't  move  a  mite,  but  jest  held  her  clothes, 
what  she  had  on,  round  her,  and  1  ooked  at  me 
kinder  skairt.  And  I  spoke  up  some  louder,  think- 
in'  mebby  she  wuz  deef  ;  sez  I— 

"  He  is  a  deacon  in  the  Jones- 
ville  meetin'-house,  mom,  and 
though  fraxious  a  good  deal  of  the 
time,  a  likely  man." 

But  jest  at  this  junkter  Martin 
come  up  behind  me,  and  told  me 
that  it  wuz  a  picter.  I  wuz  dumb- 
foundered,  but  so  it  wuz.  The  ar 
tist,  Wiertz  by  name,  made  quite 
a  number  considerable  like  it ;  dret- 
ful  curous  and  surprising  but  it  is 
a  sight  to  see  'em. 

The  meetin'-house  of  St.  Gudale, 
with  its  stained  glass  winders,  wuz 
extremely  interestin'   to  see  ;  it  is 
most  a  thousand  years  old,  but  no  one  would  mis 
trust  it.      It  looks  fur  better  than  our  meetin'-house, 
that  hain't  over  fourteen  years  old,  if  it  is  that.     But, 
then,  it  cost  more. 

Martin  and  Josiah  and  Al  Faizi  driv  out  to  see 
the  battlefield  of  Waterloo,  only  about  six  milds 


A  WOMAN  JEST  DRESSIN'  HERSELF- 

SHE  SEEMS  ALL  BROKE  UP." 


538  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

away.  They  went  in  a  English  coach  with  a  half  a 
dozen  horses,  and  a  bugle  a-caracolin'  high  and  clear. 
I  never  see  Josiah  in  better  sperits. 

I  would  have  gone,  too,  but  Alice  wuzn't  well,  nor 
Adrian  nuther,  and  I  stayed  with  'em  ;  and  I  wuz 
glad  of  a  chance  to  rest  my  lower  legs. 

I  spoze  they  had  a  number  of  emotions  as  they 
stood  on  that  field  where  the  Star  of  Austerlitz  sot. 
I  did,  \vhere  I  wuz  a-layin'  down  or  a-settin'  to  home. 
Truly  to  a  feelin'  heart,  who  contemplates  what 
high  ambitions  tottled  over  that  day,  and  what 
powerful  interests  wuz  involved,  they  may  say  truly 
that  they  carry  the  battlefield  of  Waterloo  in  their 
hearts. 

I  thought  on't  a  sight.  I  had  read  what  Victor 
Hugo  said  about  that  battle,  and  Alfred  Tennyson 
and  others  had  said  about  the  Duke  of  Wellington, 
a-praisin'  him  up,  and  I  had  numerous  feelin's  and 
emotions,  very  powerful  ones,  indeed,  very  ;  but  I 
took  good  care  of  the  children  all  the  same. 

There  wuz  one  place  in  Brussels  that  I  wanted 
to  see  as  much  as  any  other  place  I  could  look  on 
offen  my  tower,  and  that  \vuz  where  Charlotte 
Bronte  had  spent  those  years,  those  quiet  but  dret- 
ful  tragic  years  of  her  life. 

So  one  day,  when  we  wuz  en  our  way  home  from 
some  big  palace  or  monument — Martin  wanted  to 


GERMANY   AND   BELGIUM.  539 

show  off  before  us — I  persuaded  him  to  go  a  little 
out  of  our  way  to  that  quiet  street,  to  the  kinder 
old-fashioned  house  where  the  Professor  ust  to  teach 
school,  and  some  of  his  folks  live  now  and  keep  a 
small  school.  They  let  us  in  when  they  found  out 
that  we  wuz  Americans  ;  truly  that  name  opens  all 
sorts  of  foreign  doors. 

It  wuz  a  half  holiday,  and  they  let  us  walk 
through  the  room  where  she  ust  to  set  and  study, 
and  the  old-fashioned  garden  where  she  ust  to  walk 
and  dream  them  strange  dreams  of  hern,  that  after 
wards  charmed  the  world. 

Though  the  folks  here  didn't  seem  to  think  of 
her  as  I  did — no,  indeed  !  They  seemed  to  kinder 
blame  her  for  reflectin'  on  'em  in  her  books.  Still 
they  must  respect  to  a  certain  degree  the  memory  of 
one  that  leads  so  many  from  distant  lands  to  their 
out-of-the-way  home,  jest  to  stand  on  the  floor  she 
trod  on  ;  jest  to  look  on  the  walls  that  rared  up 
around  that  great  soul. 

What  emotions  Charlotte  did  have  here  !  She 
had  more  to  bear  than  most  folks  knew  of — yes, 
indeed ! 

What  wuz  that  hantin'  grief  that  rung  her  soul 
so  that  year  in  Brussels,  that  drove  her,  a  devout 
Protestant,  into  a  Catholic  church,  to  pour  out  her 
agony  in  confession  ?  Longin'  to  give  vent  to  the 


540 


SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 


sorrer   that  without  that  relief  wuz  mebby  a-urgin' 
her  to  forgit  it  all  in  the  long  quiet. 

Why,  a  pint  bottle  full  of  sweet  turned  bitter, 
must  have  vent  gin  to  it  or  else  bust. 

Poor  creeter !  poor,  little,  lonesome  creeter ! 
with  her  intense  power  of  lovin',  and 
her  intenser  tenderness  of  conscience. 

Gray  old  city,  never  did  one  tread 
your  streets  with  more  need  of  heart 
pity  than  she  who  wuz  swept  along  by 
her  emotions  that  day  into  an  alien 
temple,  a  strange  altar,  and  a  strange 
worship,  seekin'  for  rest,  for  help  to  live, 
which  is  so  much  harder  than  to  die. 

I  know  what  the  matter  wuz — it 
come  to  me  straight,  but  I  sha'n't  tell 
it,  it  has  got  to  be  kep'. 

Wall,    I   had  a  large  white  handker- 
I  SHOULD  BE  MELTED  INTO    chief  \vitli  me,  I  took  it  a  purpose,  for  I 

T  F  A  R  S 

thought  more'n  as  likely  as  not  I  should 
be  melted  into  tears  a-meditatin'  on  her  life  and  all 
she  had  done  to  delight  the  world,  and  how  after 
her  life-long  struggles  and  her  brief  wedded  happi 
ness  she  passed  away. 

But  no,  this  last  thought  kinder  boyed  me  up — I 
wuz  glad  to  know  that  she  lay  asleep  by  the  lonely 
moors  of  Haworth.  Its  long  purple  wastes  hanted 


I  THOUGHT  MORE'N   LIKELY 


GERMANY   AND   BELGIUM.  541 

by  her  shade  forever,  a  sleep  never  to  be  distracted 
agin  by  her  brother  Patrick's  actin'  and  behavin',  or 
her  pa's  morbid  idees  and  ways,  or  her  own  private 
heartache. 

Little,  small-boneded,  great-minded  creeter  !  how 
often  I've  pictered  her  lonesome  life  in  that  little 
village,  shet  up  in  oncongenial  surroimdin's,  her 
noble  sperit  beatin'  agin  the  bars  of  her  environ 
ment  ;  a-settin'  on  lonesome  evenin's  in  a  bare, 
silent  room,  a-pinin'  mebby  for  a  word  of  sympathy, 
and  the  clasp  of  a  comprehendin'  hand,  and  the 
great  world  a-praisin'  her  fur  off — too  fiir. 

Or  else  a-walkin?  up  and  down  in  the  twilight 
with  her  sisters  a-plannin'  them  strange  stories  of 
theirn. 

And  then  I  come  back  to  the  bare  walls  of  the 
school-room  at  Brussels,  and  I  presoomed  that  on 
these  very  bare  walls  we  wuz  a-lookin'  on  Charlotte 
had  seen  stand  out  vivid  the  strong,  dark  face  of 
Rochester,  and  the  elfin  figger  of  Jane,  Shirley, 
Caroline,  Louis  and  Robert  Moore,  the  Professor- 
yes,  indeed,  she  see  him,  I  hain't  a  doubt  on't — and 
all  these  wonderful  characters  of  hern,  who  seemed 
more  real  friends  and  neighbors  to  me  than  them 
who  live  under  the  chimblys  I  can  see  from  my  own 
winders  to  home. 

Good,  little,  bashful   creeter !  sech   genius  as  you 


542  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

had  the  world  will  seek  a  good  while  for  before  it 
finds  agin. 

While  these  thoughts  wuz  a-goin'  on  under  my 
best  bunnet,  Martin  looked  round  sort  o'  indifferent, 
and  sez  he— 

"  Who  wuz  she,  anyway — some  kind  of  a  writer  ?" 

And  I  sez,  "  Yes." 

11  Historical  or  poetical  ?"  sez  he. 

And  I  sez,  "  Both." 

I  couldn't  bring  my  emotions  down  in  that  place 
to  explain,  and  I  told  the  truth,  anyway.  Historys 
she  wrote  that  always  will  be  true  as  long  as  hearts 
beat  and  suffer.  Poetry  wuz  in  'em,  whose  great 
rythm  Hants  the  hearts  of  'em  whose  ears  are 
tuned  to  understand  the  strange  melodies.  For  no 
two  people  can  ever  find  the  same  things  in  a  book 
—what  inspires  you,  and  thrills  your  heart  almost 
to  bustin',  will  slip  over  the  head  and  heart  of  some 
body  else,  and  make  no  impression. 

Curous,  hain't  it  ? 

Wall,  we  looked  round  for  a  long  time — Josiah 
not  enjoyin'  himself  a  bit,  so  fur  as  I  could  see,  but 
a-leadin'  Adrian  and  a-plannin'  sunthin'  with  him  re- 
latin'  to  a  whistle  he  could  make  out  of  a  stick. 

Alice's  soft  eyes  held  sweetness  and  compassion, 
but  she  owned  that  she'd  never  read  the  books. 

Al   Faizi,  too,  wuz  a  stranger  to   'em.      But  he 


GERMANY   AND    BELGIUM. 


543 


would  have  enjoyed  'em  if  he  had — he's  made  in  jest 
the  righf  way. 

Wall,  Martin  wuz  in  haste,  and  we  left  the  sacred 
spot,  leavin'  a  little  gift,  too,  in  the  hands  of  the  old 
servant  who  showed  us  round. 

Antwerp,  Dlisseldorf,  Co 
logne,  how  they  kinder  swim 
along  in  my  mind  as  I  think 
of  'em— picters,  picters, 
church  towers,  bells,  gardens, 
steeples,  music,  stained-glass 
winders,  quiet  scenery, 
grand,  impressive  ditto,  big 
carriages,  dorgs  harnessed  up 
as  horses. 

As  we  noticed  the  num 
ber  of  these  latter,  my  com 
panion  begun  to  lay  on  plans 
agin.  Sez  he — 

"  Take  our  brindle,  and 
she  that  wuz  Submit  Tewks- 
bury's  yeller  dorg — and  she'd 
lend  her  in  a  minute — and 

what  a  team  I  could  rig  up  with  a  little  of  Ury's 
help.  I  could  take  you  to  meetin'  to  Jonesville 
as  easy  as  nothin',  and  how  uneek  we  would  look 
drawed  along  by  a  brindle  and  yeller  dorg-team. 


A-LEADIN'  ADRIAN  AND  A-PLANNIN'  SUNTHIN*  w 
HIM  RELATIN'  TO  A  WHISTLE. 


544  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

It  will,  perchance,  inaugerate  a  new  era  in  naviga 
tion  in  Jonesville,  and  dorg-teams  will  be  in  voge. 

"What  a  sensation  we  will  create  amongst  the 
Jonesvillians  :  you  in  your  parasol  and  I  in  my 
dressin'-gown,  mebby.  What  a  uneek  spectacle  !" 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  coldly,  "when  you  ketch  me  a-ridin' 
in  that  way,  Josiah  Allen,  it  will  indeed  create  a 
sensation,  for  I  shall  be  no  more.  It  will  be  when 
my  corse  is  senseless  and  cold." 

"  Oh,  shaw !  What  comfort  could  I  take  then, 
Samantha  ?  It  wouldn't  look  very  well  for  me  to  be 
a-enjoyin'  myself  a-swingin'  out  in  fashion  then, 
and  I  couldn't  wear  the  dressin'-gown  or  the  tossels, 
anyway.  It  beats  all  how  you  love  to  break  up  all 
my  plans  for  astonishin'  the  Jonesvillians.  You 
know  well  enough  that  folks  when  they  git  back  from 
European  towers  always  act  different — more  riz  up 
like,  and  reminescent,  and  astonishin',  and  every 
thing.  And  you  frown  down  all  my  plans,  every 
one  on  'em  ;  and  he  sithed  bitterly.  But  I  wouldn't 
gin  in  to  him,  for  I  felt  that  Samantha  and  a  dorg- 
team  wuz  not  synonomous  terms  ;  no,  fur  from  it. 

Wall,  in  Cologne  I'd  been  glad  to  bought  a  hull 
bottle  of  cologne,  but  Josiah  said  to  his  mind  there 
wuz  nothin'  on  earth  so  sweet  as  the  smell  of  cara 
way. 

I    most    always    do  up   a  little  sprig  on't  in  my 


GERMANY    AND    BELGIUM.  545 

handkerchief  when   I  go  to  meetin',  to  kinder  chirk 

4» 

me  up  in  my  head  some  as  the  minister  and  my 
mind  are  a-wanderin'  up  from  the  i2thlies  to  the 
"  Finally,  my  dear  hearers." 

"  But,"  sez  I,  attacktin'  the  weakest  jint  in  his 
armor,  "  cologne  is  so  stylish." 

O  J 

"  But,"  sez  he,  and  I  couldn't  scold  himforsayin' 
it — sez  he,  "don't  you  remember  how  the  caraway 
grew  amongst  the  roses  in  the  old  front  yard  to 
Mother  Smith's?"  Sez  he,  ''You  had  a  sprig  of 
caraway  in  your  hand  the  very  minute  I  asked  you 
to  be  my  bride — I  had  a  little  snip  on't  in  my 
pocket  when  I  led  you  to  the  altar,  and  a  big  vase 
of  the  white  blows  kinder  riz  up  above  the  June 
roses  like  a  halo,  right  there  on  the  altar." 

He  meant  the  cherry  stand  that  we  stood  by,  with 
curly  maple  draws. 

Sez  he,  "  Oh,  them  beautiful,  holy  memories  ! 
And  then,"  sez  he,  with  a  look  of  deep  content,  "to 
think  of  the  cookies  you've  garnished  with  it 
durin'  the  beautiful  years  of  our  union."  Sez  he, 
"  Nothin'  like  the  scent  of  caraway  to  me." 

I  wuz  deeply  moved  by  the  sweet  and  tender 
memories  he  invoked. 

Oh,  summer  hours !  oh,  old  front  garden,  lit  by 
the  settin'  sun  a-shinin'  through  the  maples  !  I  see  it 
agin,  I  almost  feel  the  shadders  of  the  tall  lilock 


546  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

bushes  ;  I  see  the  June  roses  a-shinin'  like  rosy  stars 
above  the  deep  lush  grass,  and  the  delicate  white 
tracery  of  the  caraway  a-hoverin'  over  'em  like  a 
snowy  mist. 

Oh,  summer  garden  !  oh,  summer  hours  of  life  ! 
oh,  beauty  and  bloom,  divine  sadness  and  rapter, 
and  rich  promise  of  the  glowin'  futer  a-layin'  fur 
off  in  the  distance,  like  the  sun  in  the  glowin' 
west. 

My  Josiah  had  brung  'em  all  back  to  me.  What 
wuz  cologne  or  bergamot  in  them  rapt  hours  ? 

Men  are  deep. 

The  cathedral  is  a  sight  to  see.  It  is  called  one 
of  the  most  beautiful  cathedrals  in  Europe,  and  they 
don't  lie  about  it  when  they  say  it  is.  It  wuz  begun 
eight  or  nine  hundred  years  ago,  and  two  hundred 
men  wuz  to  work  at  it.  I  \vonder  if  they  are  slack. 
Anyway,  I  don't  have  any  idee  when  they  lay  out 
to  finish  it.  I  guess  they  are  to  work  by  the  day. 
I  know  jest  how  they  acted  when  they  wuz  to  work 
at  Josiah's  horse-barn.  I  believe  it  is  better  to 
let  barns,  or  cathedrals,  or  anything  else  out  by 
the  job. 

Wall,  if  I  should  describe  jest  that  one  enormous 
old  meetin'-house,  and  what  we  see  in  it  and  about  it, 
it  would  take  a  book  bigger  than  Foxe's  "  Book  of 
Martyrs." 


GERMANY   AND    BELGIUM.  547 

'k  try,  but  it  wuz  a  sight,  a  sight  to  see — 
carvin's,  statutes,  picters,  towers,  canopies,  arches, 
altars,  relicks,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

Among  the  most  interestin'  of  the  relicks  wuz  the 
skulls  of  the  three  Wise  Men  who  came  to  worship 
the  infant  Christ.  Here  their  old  skulls  wuz  shown 
—they  sed  they  wuz  theirn.  I  d'no,  nor  Josiah 
don't,  whether  they  wuz  the  Wise  Men  or  not,  and 
of  course  it  wuz  eighteen  hundred  years  too  late  to 
ask  'em.  No,  wise  as  they  wuz,  their  bones  wuz 
on  a  par  with  the  bones  of  the  'leven  thousand  vir 
gins  that  we  see  there  in  another  meetin'-house. 

I  d'no  as  they  wuz  virgins  or  not,  or  wuz  mas- 
sacreed,  as  they  sed.  Martin  sed  it  wuz  a  perfect 
fraud.  But  I  d'no  either  way.  Anyway,  there 
the  bones  wuz,  a  real  lot  of  'em. 

Wall,  I  guess  the  hull  on  us  wuz  glad  to  git 
onto  the  little  steamer  that  wuz  to  take  us  up 
the  beautiful  Rhine.  And  we  found  that  it  wuz 
indeed  beautiful,  though  after  bein'  on  sech  inti 
mate  terms  as  I  had  been  with  the  St.  Lawrence  and 
the  Hudson,  I  wuzn't  a-goin'  to  say  I  had  never 
seen  any  river  so  grand — no,  indeed ! 


CHAPTER  XXIX. 

SAMANTHA    CLIMBS    THE   RIG11I. 

OUR  noble  St.  Lawrence  could  have  took  the 
Rhine  in  if  she  had  been  in  need  and  adopted  her, 
and  let  her  run  along  with  her,  a-murmurin'  and 
a-babblin'  as  children  will,  and  nobody  would  have 
been  the  wiser  only  the  old  Saint  herself. 

And  the  Hudson  is  jest  as  beautiful.  No  old 
castles  on  the  Rhine  tower  up  so  grand  as  Nater's 
old  homesteads,  the  Palisades,  where  she  has  dwelt, 
with  Majesty,  and  Strength,  and  Sublimity,  and 
Beauty  for  hired  help,  for  so  many  centuries,  and  is 
a-livin'  there  still  in  the  same  old  place  with  the 
same  help.  Them  who  have  eyes  to  see,  can  see  her 
there  right  along  day  by  day,  and  night  by  night,  with 
her  help  all  round  her.  Sometimes  the  risin'  and 
settin'  sun  a-gildin'  their  calm  brows.  And  some 
times  the  big,  serene  moon  a-standin'  over  'em  as  if 
lovin'  to  linger  with  'em.  Their  serene  forwards 
a-shinin'  with  the  love  they  have  for  him — or  her 
(I  d'no  whether  to  call  the  moon  a  him  or  a  her. 
It  is  so  kinder  changeable,  my  first  thought  wuz  to 
call  it  a  him). 


SAMANTHA    CLIMBS    THE    RIGHT.  549 

But  to  resoom.  Yes,  we  found  the  Rhine  beau 
tiful.  It  runs  along  in  my  memory  now  like  a 
beautiful  paneramy  right  \vhen  I'm  round  the  house 
a-doin'  up  my  mornin's  work,  or  night-times  when 
I  wake  up  ever  or  anon  or  oftener  that  fair  picter 
enfolds  in  front  of  me — the  ripplin'  waters,  the 
shores  sometimes  smooth  and  grassy,  \vith  orchards 
and  vineyards  ;  fields  of  grain,  with  wimmen  a-work- 
in'  in  'em,  as  well  as  men  ;  high  rocky  shores,  with 
grim  old  castles  perched  up  on  the  cliffs,  tree-em 
bowered  ;  anon  a  \vayside  shrine,  with  the  image  of 
the  Virgin  a-lookin'  calmly  on  us  tired  voyagers,  or 
the  face  of  our  Lord  hallowin'  the  spot,  or  the  baby 
Christ  in  his  Ma's  arms.  It  made  the  spots  where 
\ve  see  'em  more  lifted  up,  and  made  me  feel  kinder 
safer,  though  I  knew  it  wuz  only  some  wood  and 
paint  and  glass  it  wuz  made  of.  I  spoze  it  wuz  the 
memories  and  thoughts  they  invoked  that  seemed 
to  hover  over  us  some  like  wings. 

How  it  sweeps  onward  in  my  mind — high  cliffs 
three  or  four  hundred  feet  high,  with  a  picteresque 
old  castle  perched  on  it ;  anon  a  bridge  of  boats 
more'n  a  thousand  feet  long  ! 

Then  I  see,  a-lookin'  onto  the  paneramy,  dog- 
teams,  peasants,  soldiers,  beautiful  towns,  queer  lit 
tle  villages,  lovely  villas,  humble  cottages,  green 
grass,  wavin'  trees,  blue  murmurin'  river.  Ah,  how 


55O  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

it  floats  along  in  front  of  my  foretop  !  Coblentz — 
Thurnberg — then  the  high  el  iff  where  the  Siren  ust 
to  set  and  sing.  I  wonder  if  she  sets  there  now  ? 
I  mistrusted  she'd  kinder  moved  down  into  the  vine 
yards.  She  sings  there  a  sight,  lurin'  the  wine  lovers 
right  along  to  destruction. 

Obervvesel,  Castle  Schonberg,  and  right  acrost, 
like  a  faithful  old  pardner  who  has  kep'  company 
for  centuries,  the  towerin'  old  walls  of  Gutenfels. 

Right  under  my  head-dress  or  nightcap  the  seen 
moves  along.  Anon  I  see  the  splendid  old  castle 
of  Rheinstem  way  up  above  the  river.  Ehrenfel, 
vineyards,  vineyards,  with  Lurlei  hid  amongst  'em, 
whether  they  believe  it  or  not,  and  on  the  other,  fur 
up,  the  Mouse  Tower,  where  selfishness  got  its  pay 
if  it  ever  did. 

Bingen  we  found,  jest  as  Alice  sed,  a  quiet  little 
town,  its  marvellous  beauty  born  in  the  homesick 
longin'  of  the  soldier  who  lay  dyin'  in  Algiers. 

Johannesburg  Castle  would  be  dretful  interesting 
standin'  up  as  it  duz  three  or  four  hundred  feet  high, 
but  the  sights  and  sights  of  vineyards  all  round  it 
made  me  feel  bad,  dretful.  But  I've  had  my  say 
about  that — sirens,  etc.,  etc.  What  crazy  acts 
would  the  wine  make  these  surroundin'  folks  do  ! 
That  wuz  a  question  I  couldn't  answer,  nor  Josiah. 
I  wish  they  wouldn't  make  so  much  ;  I  wish  they 


SAMANTHA   CLIMBS   THE    RIGHI.  551 

would  stop  the  mouth  of  Lurlei  with  good  water,  or 
cold  tea,  or  sunthin'  or  other — she'd  act  like  another 
creeter  if  they  did. 

But  truly  I  couldn't  make  'em  stop  by  eppisodin' 
or  allegorin1. 

On,  on  we  went  by  islands,  fortifications,  palaces, 
villages. 

I  didn't  want  to  see  Wiesbaden,  I  didn't  want  to 
see  card-playin'  and  gamblin'  goin'  on — no,  indeed. 

But  I  did  want  to  stop  at  Frankfort-on-the-Main, 
the  birthplace  of  Goethe.  And  in  thinkin'  on't,  I 
mekanically  repeated  over  the  words  I'd  heard 
Thomas  J.  rehearse  a  number  of  times — the  home 
sick  words  of  Mignon— 

"  Knowest  thou  the  land  where  citron  apples  bloom, 
And  oranges  like  gold  in  leafy  bloom  ?" 

She  wanted  to  go  back  home,  Mignon  did,  she 
wanted  to  like  a  dog. 

But  Martin  sed  he  didn't  know  as  anybody  had 
ever  made  a  specialty  of  visitin'  the  birthplace  of 
Goethe. 

"  And  as  for  citron  apples,"  sez  he,  "your  friend 
evidently  made  a  mistake  in  writing  about  them  ; 
citrons  grow  on  a  vine;  but,"  sez  he,  "  perhaps 
Goethe  was  in  the  grocer  line  and  was  recommend 
ing  some  new  fruit." 


552  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

And  I  let  it  go  so.  Truly  the  author  of  "  Wilhelm 
Meister"  would  have  advised  me  to  let  it  pass  and 
go  by. 

But  when  Martin  learned  that  Rothschild  wuz 
born  there,  he  sed  that  if  he  had  had  time  he  would 
have  loved  to  visit  that  hallowed  spot. 

Martin  thought  he  would  stop  and  take  a  kind  of 
a  rest  at  Heidelberg,  and  my  two  legs  and  my  pard- 
ner  wuz  glad  enough  of  the  rest — yes,  indeed  ! 

Martin  secf  that  any  traveller  of  note  made  a 
pint  of  visitin'  that  spot,  so  it  wuz  on  that  ac 
count,  I  spoze,  that  we  stopped.  He  sed  he 
had  seen  a  number  of  engravin's  of  the  place,  and  I 
told  him  I  had  too.  % 

We  stayed  all  night  to  a  comfortable  tarvern, 
and  had  a  good  supper  and  breakfust.  Josiah  ad 
mitted  we  had,  though  he  sed— 

"  Samantha,  it  don't  taste  like  your  breakfusts; 
oh,  shall  I  ever  partake  of  'em  agin  in  that  blessed, 
blessed  home  ?" 

He  suffers  dretfully,  that  man  duz.  But  I  told 
him  that  we  should  soon  be  to  home  agin  now,  and 
to  bear  up. 

Wall,  Heidelberg  Castle  is  a  sight,  a  sight  to  see. 
All  the  picters  we  see  of  it  in  chromos  and  al 
manacks  and  sech  don't  give  you  any  idee  of  how 
grand,  how  vast  it  is. 


SAMANTHA   CLIMBS    THE    RIGHI. 


553 


Why,  imagine  a  buildin'  all  covered  with 
carvin's,  and  towers,  and  pinnakles,  and  with 
moats,  and  drawbridges,  and  dungeons,  and  court 
yards,  and  banquet-halls,  and  decorations  of  all 
kinds,  as  big  as  from  our  house  over  to  Dea 
con  Henzy's,  and  back  round  by  Solomon  Bob- 
bettses,  and  acrost  to  Seth  Shelmadine's,  and  so 
on  around  the  two  cross-roads  ^and  back  to  our 
house. 

Wall,  reader,  whether  you  believe  it  or  not, 
it  covers  as  much  ground  as  that,  and  you  well 
know  how  much  ground  that  covers.  Good 
land !  it  is  enough  to  make  anybody's 
back  ache  to  think  of  the  days'  work  it 
took  to  build  it.  But,  then,  it  wuzn't  all 
done  all  in  one  job — it  wuz  begun  a  good 
many  hundred  years  ago.  They  didn't  shirk 
their  work,  them  old  carpenters  didn't ; 
the  makers  of  summer  hotels  could  take 
lessons  of  'em  in  the  matter  of  walls.  It 
would  make  one  of  them  paper  wall  makers 
swoon  away  to  think  of  buildin'  a  wall 
twenty  feet  thick. 

I    wish    I    had    one    of    them    rooms    to 
take   round  with  me  summers  on  my  tow 
ers.      It    would    be     impossible    for 
the  sound  of    snorers    to  penetrate 


A   HOGSIT   AS   BIG   AS   THE   JONES- 
VILLE   TARVERN. 


554  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

into  the  apartment  where  one  wuz  vainly  tryin'  to 
woo  the  Goddess  of  Sleep.  And  midnight  snick- 
erers  would  be  futile  to  kill  that  Goddess  with 
their  giggle-pinted  arrers. 

Of  course,  a  big  part  of  this  immense  buildin' 
is  in  ruins. 

A  handsome  old  stone  platform  or  piazza  that 
them  old  builders  made  half  way  up  the  castle  walls 
I  did  want  to  see.  It  had  everything  it  needed  in 
the  way  of  sculpters,  vases,  carved  seats,  etc.  And 
the  view,  oh  !  my  poor  head-dress,  it  almost  rises 
now  as  the  paneramy  sweeps  through  my  foretop, 
it  gives  sech  elevatin'  thoughts  and  emotions. 

How  fur  off,  how  fur  off  you  could  see — towns, 
country,  the  blue  Rhine,  the  mountains— oh,  my 
soul !  wuz  it  not  a  fair  seen,  a  fair  seen  ! 

But  the  barrel,  or,  ruther,  hogsit,  to  hold  wine  in, 
it  jest  madded  me  to  see  it.  Would  you  believe  it 
that  the  very  worst  old  drunkard  you  ever  see  or 
hearn  on  would  make  a  hogsit  as  big  as  the  Jones- 
ville  tarvern  to  hold  his  liquor  in  ? 

Wall,  it  is,  sir,  full  as  big  as  Seth  Widrigses 
tarvern.  I  won't  compare  it  to  a  meetin'-house, 
no,  you  can't  make  me  ;  the  idee  would  be  too 
sacrilegious  to  me. 

It  wuz  as  big  as  Seth  Widrigses  tarvern,  bar 
rooms,  parlor,  dinin'-room,  bedrooms,  ruff  and  all 


SAMANTHA   CLIMBS   THE    RIGHT.  555 

It  holds  two  hundred  and  thirty-six  thousand  bot 
tles  of  win*. 

The  idee !  it's  a  burnin'  shame  !  How  many 
fights  can  be  shet  up  in  it  at  one  time — broken 
hearts,  broken  heads,  murders,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. ! 

I  won't  talk  about  it  another  minute. 

Wall,  Martin  sed  that  he  spozed  that  it  would 
be  expected  of  him  to  go  and  see  the  Righi. 

(I  spozed  that  he  thought  that  in  his  high,  prom 
inent  position  in  society  he  ort  to  see  some  of 
the  most  riz-up  places,  so  he  settled  on  that.) 

Mont  Blanc  he  sed  he  should  not  endeavor  to 
ascend,  which  wuz,  indeed,  a  comfort  to  me  ;  for 
how  I  wuz  a-goin'  to  git  up  on  that  steep,  icy 
pinnakle  with  my  heft  and  my  rumatiz,  to  say 
nothin'  of  my  umbrell  and  my  pardner,  wuz 
more'n  I  knew.  But  if  Martin  had  put  his  ultima 
tum  on  that  we  must  go,  I  knew  that  we  should 
have  to  make  the  venter. 

But  he  gin  up  the  idee.  He  is  a-gittin'  kinder 
short-winded  himself,  though  he  don't  own  up  to 
it.  So  we  dumb  the  Righi.  We  rid  up  on  that. 

Josiah  wuz  all  carried  away  with  the  idee  of  goin' 
up  that  mountain,  because  the  engine  that  took  us 
up,  instead  of  bein'  hitched  on  ahead  to  pull  us  up, 
wuz  tackled  on  behind  a-pushin'  us. 

Sez  he,  "  Samantha,  it  will  be  sech  a  uneek  ride. 


y^nr O 


SAMANTHA   CLIMBS   THE    RIGHT.  557 

What  will  Uncle  Sime  Bentley  say  to  it,  and   the 
other  Jonesvillians,  when  they  hear  on't  ?" 

There  it  wuz  —  fashion,  fashion  and  display. 
From  different  standpints,  he  and  Martin  wuz  jest 
alike. 

But  I  knew  that  Josiah  had  some  reason  to  be 
sot  up  by  it,  for  that  way  of  goin'  up  mountains 
wuz  a  American  idee  at  first. 

Josiah  took  considerable  comfort  a-goin'  up 
(owin'  to  the  feelin's  I  have  depictered).  But 
bein'  of  sech  a  restless  temperament,  he  soon  an 
nounced  that  he  wuz  a-goin'  to  git  out  and  walk  up. 
"  For,"  sez  he,  "  I  want  to  git  there  some  time 
to-day,  and  I  hain't  a-goin'  to  creep  along  like  a 
snail." 

But  I  seized  him  by  his  vest,  and  sez  I — "  Do 
you  set  still ;  it  will  tucker  you  all  out  to  walk  up  six 
thousand  feet  !" 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  I  want  to  git  there  some  time 
or  ruther." 

We  did  indeed  go  slow,  but  sure  ;  for  in  two 
hours'  time  we  arrove  on  the  summit, and  wuz  enscons- 
ed  in  a  comfortable  tarvern,  from  which,  after  Jo 
siah  had  satisfied  his  yearnin's  for  food,  and  the  rest 
on  us  had  refreshed  ourselves  with  some  refresh 
ments,  we  sallied  forth  to  see  the  grandeur  as  well 
as  beauty  of  Nater  ;  to  behold  what  she  can  do 


558  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

when  she  humps  herself,  so  to  speak,  and  makes 
glory. 

Wall,  the  view  from  the  top  of  that  mountain  I 
can't  never  describe.  I  stood  perfectly  spell  bound 
ed,  and  looked  fur  off  down  the  mountain-side,  and 
see  cities,  and  villages,  and  farm-housen,  and  spark- 
lin'  streams,  and,  fur  down  below,  beautiful  Lucerne 
and  eight  other  lakes. 

And  on  the  off  side  the  chain  of  snowy  Alps 
a-meltin'  upwards  into  the  blue  of  the  summer  sky, 
twelve  thousand  feet  high,  and  on  the  nigh  side 
forests,  hills,  mountains. 

Oh,  wuz  it  not  a  fair  seen — a  fair  seen  ! 

I  stood  perfectly  lost  and  by  the  side  of  myself. 
The  grandeur  and  beauty  of  the  seen  wuz  so  over- 
whelmin'  that,  entirely  onbeknown  to  myself,  my 
bunnet  had  fell  backward  on  my  neck,  and  I  stood 
bareheaded,  jest  as  men  do  before  a  great  heroine 
or  hero.  (I  spoze  it  is  jest  as  proper  to  call  the 
Righi  a  female  as  a  male  ;  anyway,  she  stood  up  so 
dretful  calm  and  serene  it  didn't  seem  as  if  a  male 
could  hold  that  poster  and  calmness  so  early  in  the 
mornin'.  You  know,  males  are  dretful  restless  and 
oneasy  early  in  the  mornin'.  The  work  of  the  day 
kinder  takes  the  tuck  out  of  'em,  and  they  grow 
more  sedater.) 

But,   anyway,    I   stood  there   bareheaded,  jest  as 


SAMANTHA   CLIMBS   THE    KIGHI.  559 

anybody  ort  to  before  the  great  Presence.  The  on- 
matchable  grandeur  of  the  seen — -the  sun  a-beatin' 
down  onnoticed  on  my  gray  "  crown  of  glory,"  when 
I  hearn  a  voice  clost  beside  me,  and  the  words  kind 
er  brung  me  back,  for  I  had  been  quite  a  distance 
away  from  the  real  world  of  trouble  and  tourists 
and  things. 

The  voice  said — "  For  the  land's  sake  !  I  wouldn't 
run  the  risk  you  do  of  tanning  myself  all  up,  for 
anything  in  the  world." 

I  wuz  brung  clear  down,  and  I  looked  round,  and 
I  see  standin'  clost  to  me  a  female,  jedgin'  from 
her  matronly  form  and  her  gray  hair,  that  kinder 
meandered  down  on  the  neck  of  her  ulster  behind, 
of  about  my  own  age,  or  a  little  older,  mebby.  Yes, 
she  wuz  probble  a  number  of  years  older,  and 
though  our  hefts  wuz  jest  about  alike,  she  hadn't 
got  nigh  so  noble  a  figger. 

She  had  two  veils  over  her  face  besides  a  lace  one 
—two  braize  veils,  a  green  and  a  brown  one,  and 
carried  a  big  umbrell,  histed  up  to  its  full  height, 
the  umbrell  a-lookin'  firm  and  decided,  as  if  it  cal 
culated  to  shet  off  all  the  grandeur  the  braize  veils 
didn't  make  out  to. 

Sez  she,  as  I  slowly  turned  round  and  brung  my 
spectacles  to  bear  on  her  with  a  gray  flame  of  won 
der  and  surprise  a-shinin'  through  each  one  on  'em— 


560  SAMANTHA   IX    EUROPE. 

Sez  she,  "  I  wouldn't  tan  my  nose  as  you're  tan 
ning  yours  for  worlds  like  this." 

I  sez  mekanically,  "  Why,  why  not  tan  your 
nose  ?" 

"Why,  it  would  detract  so  from  my  looks;  a 
nose  adds  so  much  to  the  looks  of  a  human  face," 
sez  she. 

That  sounded  reasonable,  and  I  sez,  "  Yes,  that 
is  so  ;  a  nose  is  necessary,  both  for  beauty  and  for 
use ;  but,"  sez  I,  "  at  our  age  a  nose  or  two  more  or 
less,  or  a  little  tan  on  some  on  'em  hain't  a-goin' 
to  either  make  or  break  us — they  won't  draw  much 
attention,"  sez  I.  "  And  even  if  they  did,  I  expect 
to  enjoy  the  society  of  my  nose  for  quite  a  number 
of  years  yet,  on  towers  and  off  on  'em,  but  this  seen 
of  grandeur  I'm  a-biddin'  good-bye  to,"  sez  I,  sadly— 

"It  is  hail,  and  fanvell,  to  me — I  never  expect 
to  see  it  agin  with  these  mortal  eyes."  And  I 
looked  off  on  the  lovely  seen  agin  with  all  the  rap- 
ter  and  sadness  sech  thoughts  carry  with  'em,  when 
agin  my  rapt  emotions  wuz  brung  downward  by 
the  voice— 

"  Well,  I  know  I  wouldn't  run  the  risk  you  do 
of  spoiling  my  complexion  for  thousands  of  worlds 
like  this." 

I  felt  that  she  needed  roustin'  up  and  improvin' 
upon,  and  I  sez— 


THEY  HAVE  EMULATIVE  MAS,  WHO  ARE   BOUND    THAT    THEY    SHAN'T 

BE   OUT-TRAVELLED." 


562  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

"  Mom,  I  believe  you'd  enjoy  Nater  as  much 
agin,  if  not  more,  if  you'd  forgit  your  complexion. 
Let  your  nose  retire  into  the  background,  so  to 
speak,  and  open  the  winders  of  your  soul  to  the 
divine  influences — look  about  and  soar  away,  so  to 
speak.  And  how  you  can  do  that  under  three 
veils  and  that  umbrell  is  more'n  I  can  tell." 

Sez  she,  confidentially,  "  I  am  dead  tired  of  seeing 
things,  anyway — I  love  to  rest  my  eyeballs." 

"  Then,"  sez  I,  pityin'ly,  "  what  be  you  up  here  on 
the  Rigi  for  ?  What  made  you  climb  up  so  fur  ?" 

"  Well,"  sez  she,  "  I  came  with  a  party  of  Cook 
tourists,  and  you  know  just  what  they  are  for  boast 
ing;  I'm  not  going  to  have  them  crow  over  me  be 
cause  they  have  been  where  I  haven't.  Three  of 
them  are  bed-sick  at  the  hotel,  but  they  can  say  with 
truth  that  they  have  been  here.  Two  of  the  girls 
have  to  wear  bandages  over  their  eyes,  and  can't  see 
a  thing,  but  they  both  have  emulative  Mas,  who 
are  bound  that  they  shan't  be  out-travelled  by  the 
rest  of  the  girls,  and  so  they  are  leading  them 
round  through  Europe  ;  blind  as  bats,  but  full  of 
the  true  Cook  fervor  of  travel." 

"Oh,  dear  me  !"  sez  I,  "how  bad  it   is  for  'em!" 

"  No  ;  they  enjoy  it.  The  doctor  says  all  they 
need  is  quiet  and  rest  to  restore  their  eyesight,  and 
they  will  have  it  when  this  cruel  war  is  over  and 


SAMANTHA   CLIMBS   THE    RIGHI. 


563 


they  get  home.  One  of  them  is  my  own  girl,"  sez 
she,  in  a  burst  of  confidence,  "  and  I'm  out  here 
unknown  to  the  rest ;  so  my  girl  has  outdone  them, 
so  to  speak,  for  of  course  it  is  just  the  same  as  if 
she  stood  here  where  her  Ma  stands,  in  this  be-a-u- 
ti-ful  place,  looking  at  this  mag 
nificent  scenery." 

And  she  turned  her  wropped- 
up  face  towards  the  tarvern  door, 
and  faced  round  towards  Josiah. 

But  truly  she  wuzn't  to  blame, 
she  couldn't  see  through  that 
envelopin'  drapery.  The  tarvern 
might  have  been  a  waterfall,  and 
my  Josiah  a  Alp  for  all  she 
knew. 

I  felt  quite  curous,  but  consol 
ed  myself  a-thinkin'  they  wuz 
a-follerin'  their  own  goles,  and 

Would    all    Set    O11  'em  when  they      YE-O-LO-LEO-LEO-LEO  —  THE    MELOGIOUS 

CRY    OF   THE   ALPINE    SHEPHERDS. 

got  home. 

Wall,  it  wuz  that  very  afternoon  that  I  heard  my 
first  yodellin' — the  melogious  cry  of  the  Alpine 
shepherds  to  one  another.  Clear  and  sweet  it  rung 
through  the  still  air — Ye-o-lo-leo-leoleo— 

Melogious  as  any  music  you  ever  hearn,  only  sort 
o'  bell-like,  and  pecular.  And  while  you  stand 


564  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

spellbound  and  wantin'  to  hear  it  agin  the  answer 
comes,  sweet,  fur  away,  clear— 

Ye-a-oo-ye-ho-oo— 

It  wuz  like  nothin'  I  ever  hearn  in  my  life,  and 
yet  seemed  sort  o'  familar  to  me,  after  all,  as  all 
true  beauty  in  sight  and  sound  duz  seem  to  its  devo 
tees,  he  or  she. 

Wall,  I  wuz  so  lost  in  my  own  feelin's  of  delight, 
and  so  carried  away  some  distance  by  'em,  that  I 
clean  forgot  that  I  wuz  still  in  the  flesh  and  still  had 
a  earthly  pardner  by  the  name  of  "Josiah."  But 
I  wuz  too  soon  fetched  back  to  a  realizin'  sense  on't. 

For  even  as  the  sweet  echoes  wuz  a-floatin'  back 
from  peak  to  peak  lingerin'ly,  as  if  they  wuz  loth  to 
let  go  on  'em,  a  voice  spoke  beside  me — 

"  You'll  hear  yodellin'  when  we  git  home, 
Samantha  Allen.  Hereafter  I  shall  never  say  '  co- 
boss,  co-boss'  to  cows,  or  *  co-day,  co-day'  to  sheep  ; 
after  this  I  shall  always  yodel  to  'em.  Why,"  sez 
he,  ''what  a  stir  it  will  make  in  Jonesville  !  how  the 
inhabitants  will  gather  round  me  as  I  stand  on  the 
blackberry  hill  and  yodel  acrost  to  the  creek  paster  ! 
Why,"  sez  he,  all  carried  away  with  the  subject,  as 
his  nater  is,  "  mebby  I  can  learn  Uncle  Sime  Bent- 
ley,  so  he  can  yodel  back  to  me ;  mebby,"  sez 
he,  growin'  ambitious,  "  I  shall  yodel  to  Sister  Bob- 
bett  and  she  that  wuz  Submit  Tewksbury." 


SAMANTHA   CLIMBS   THE   RIGHI.  565 

Sez  I  coldly — "  Do  you  confine  your  yodellin'  to 
dumb  brutes,  Josiah,  who  hain't  got  sensibilities  nor 
feelin's  to  be  woonded." 

"  Mebby  you  hain't  willin'  I  should  yodel  to  Ury  ; 
but  I'll  let  you  know  I  shall  anyway,  mom  !" 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  he  is  used  to  your  performances  ; 
he  won't  mind  'em  so  much." 

I  knew  it  wuzn't  best  to  draw  the  string  too  tight ; 
I  knew  I  couldn't  break  up  his  yodellin'  out  to  the 
barn,  or  round,  when  I  wuzn't  in  sight,  and  I  felt 
that  I  would  be  glad  to  confine  it  to  dumb  brutes, 
and  Ury,  and  sech. 

Wall,  anon,  after  passin'  through  lovely  seens— 
lovely  ones,  we  found  ourselves  on  beautiful  Lake 
Lucerne,  the  most  beautiful  lake  in  Switzerland,  or 
the  hull  world,  for  all  I  know — beautiful,  beautiful 
for  situation  it  is.  You  could  spend  weeks  a-admir- 
in'  the  lovely  views,  and  then  begin  agin  and  keep 
it  up  for  years. 

And  before  long  we  found  ourselves,  much  to  my 
pardner's  relief,  in  a  good  tarvern  with  a  long  Swiss 
name,  that  I  always  forgit,  and  called  it  to  myself 
"The  Swizzler,"  which  wuz  jest  as  good  so  fur  as 
I  wuz  concerned. 

We  didn't  stay  here  long,  owin'  to  Martin's  pecul- 
ar  views.  But  we  hearn  the  organ  in  the  old 
cathedral,  and  I  wuz  carried  fur  away  from  myself 


566 


SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 


LISTENING  TO  THE  ORGAN'S  GRAND, 
MELANCHOLY  VOICE. 


into  the  land  of  happiness,  love,  and  peace,  into  the 
realm — where  is  it;  ? — that  lays  so  nigh  to  us,  that  a 
burst  of  glorious  music  will  sweep  us  right  into  its 
gates,  but  so  fur  off  that  we  hain't  never  ketched  a 
glimpse  of  its  glorified  mountains  with 
our  nateral  eyes. 

Al  Faizi  wuz  carried  into  that  same 
realm,  too,  I  could  see  by  his  mean, 
and  the  rest  on  'em  wuz  carried  off 
wherever  their  nateral  bent  lay —  Alice 
into  the  land  of  Love  and  Hope, 
Martin  into  the  Stock  Exchange 
mebby,  where  the  roar  of  its  bulls 
and  bears  drownded  out  the  sound  of 
the  organ's  grand,  melancholy  voice. 

And  Josiah,  wall,  mebby  he  wuz 
a-settin'  agin  to  a  full  dinner  table  in 
Jonesville,  with  Deacon  Sypher  and 
Drusilly  and  some  of  the  other  breth- 
eren  and  sistern  a-hangin'  breathless 
onto  his  adventers. 

I  d'no,  I've  only  guessed  at  their  emotions,  but 
mine  wuz  a  sight  to  see  as  the  liquid  waves  of  mel 
ody  swep'  round  me,  and  swep'  me  along  with  it. 

And  then  we  see  the  Lion  of  Lucerne,  a-layin' 
there  carved  out  of  solid  rock,  in  memory  of  the 
Swiss  Guard,  who  fell  defendin'  the  Tuilleries  in 


SAMANTHA   CLIMBS   THE   RIGHT.  567 

1792.  It  wuz  carved  by  Thorwaldsen,  the  great 
Danish  sculptor,  and  is  a  noble  and  impressive  sight. 
There  it  lay  in  a  beautiful  grotto,  with  water  trick- 
lin'  all  round  it,  some  as  if  the  hull  country  wuz 
a-sheddin'  tears  over  them  poor  young  men  that 
perished  in  their  prime.  It  lay  stretched  out,  its 
hull  length  of  twenty-eight  feet,  a-holdin'  in  its 
paws  the  shield  of  France  and  some  flower  de  luce 
—France  is  jest  sot  on  them  poseys,  and  I  always 
liked  them  myself  ;  I've  got  a  big  root  of  'em  under 
my  bedroom  winder  at  home  in  Jonesville. 

I  thought  considerable  in  our  short  sojourn  at 
Lucerne  about  William  Tell,  whose  exploits  with 
Gessler,  apples,  etc.,  took  place  in  that  vicinity 
(though  I've  hearn  tell  that  Tell  hain't  the  creeter 
they  tell  on). 

But  I  always  loved  to  read  about  him,  and  I 
always  did  kinder  love  to  believe  in  things  that  ort 
to  be  true,  if  they  hain't — about  liberty,  freedom,  and 
sech.  Anyhow,  he  has  got  a  high  chapel  built  to 
him — mebby  like  some  other  popular  idees,  that 
haint  got  no  greater  foundation  in  solid  truth. 

Though,  agin,  what  is  truth  ? 

Hard  question. 

Wall,  our  way  on  to  Lake  Geneva  wuz  like  a  dream 
of  glory  and  grandeur,  full  of  mountain  peaks, 
green  and  snow-clad,  and  flashin'  waterfalls,  with 


I    THOUGHT   CONSIDERABLE   ABOUT    WlLLIAM    TELL    AND    HIS    EXPLOITS    WITH 

GESSLER,  APPLES,  ETC. 


SAMAXTHA   CLIMBS    THE    RIGHI.  569 

little  side  jireams  of  sweet  green  valleys — "  sweet 
fields  arrayed  in  livin'  green" — quaint  villages,  cosey 
little  housen,  swift  dashin'  waterways,  and  gently 
flowin'  rivers. 

Interlaken,  Freiburg,  Lausanne,  how  they  look 
out  of  the  paneramy  at  me  when  I  shet  my 
eyes  in  the  Jonesville  meetin'-house  or  anywhere, 
and  onto  the  blue  lake  that  Byron  writ  so  much 
about. 

Alice  had  beset  her  Pa  to  take  her  to  Castle 
Chillon.  And  I  had  strange  feelin's,  I  can  tell  you, 
as  I  walked  down  the  road  with  Josiah  Allen  by 
my  side — from  Jonesville  meetin'-house  to  the 
Castle  of  Chillon — what  a  leap  !  Could  Fancy  cut 
up  any  stranger  ?  I  spozed  we  should  have  to  take 
a  boat  to  reach  it,  and  so  they  did  in  old  times,  but 
now  the  \vater  has  filled  in  so,  that,  like  the  Israel 
ites,  we  passed  over  dry  shod. 

The  castle  is  over  a  thousand  years  old.  Some  say 
the  Lake  Dwellers  built  it,  and  in  talkin'  about 
them  queer  creeters,  who  dwelt  a  thousand  years 
ago  in  housen  built  up  on  posts  stuck  in  the  water, 
I  had  another  trouble  with  my  too  ardent  and  sus 
ceptible  pardner.  Sez  he— 

"  Samantha,  what  a  beautiful  way  of  livin'  that 
would  be — how  cool  and  pleasant  in  summer 
weather,  and  so  handy  ;  no  luggin'  in  water  to  fill 


5/0  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

the  tank,  no  pumpin',  jest  lean  right  out  of  the  but 
tery  winder  and  draw  in  a  pailful,  and  then  how 
easy  to  lower  the  milk  in  the  water  to  cool.  Why, 
we  could  have  the  milk-room  built  jest  below  the 
surface,  and  set  the  milk  pans  right  into  the  lake,  as 
it  were.  What  butter  \ve  could  make,  how  it  would 
be  sought  for  !  And  then  the  idee  of  settin'  in  your 
own  back  door  and  fishin'  for  pike  and  sturgeons, 
draw  'em  right  up  and  land  'em  on  the  kitchen 
table,  not  a  foot  off  from  the  briler.  How  con 
venient  !  And  bathin'  now,  you're  always  a-tewin' 
at  me  about  it — washin'  my  feet,  it's  always  a  job- 
but  now  jest  cut  a  little  hole  in  the  bedroom  floor, 
and  with  a  towel  there  you  are.  I'll  commence  a 
house  out  on  our  pond  the  minute  I  git  home  for 
a  summer  retreat,  no  mowin'  door-yards,  no  fences 
to  keep  up,  no  gates  to  be  onhingin'  ;  why,  I'd  re 
new  my  age  there,  Samantha.  And  then  think  of 
the  profit  in  the  extra  butter,  etc." 

"  How  would  it  be  about  milkin'  the  cows?"  sez 
I.  I  see  he  hadn't  thought  of  that  or  anythin'  else 
practical,  but  he'd  been  jest  carried  away  by  the 
novel  and  the  new. 

But  he  wouldn't  give  in,  men  have  such  doggy 
obstinacy.  Sez  he — 

"  Why,  learn  'em  to  swim  ;  begin  when  they're 
yearlin's,  learn  'em  to  strike  right  out  and  swim  up 


SAMANTHA   CLIMBS   THE    RIGHI.  5/1 

to  the  milk-house,  hitch  'em  to    the  post,  and  jest 
set  in  the  back  door  and  milk  'em." 

"  Under  water  ?"  sez  I  ;   "  milk  under  water  ?" 

I  see  he  wuz  gittin'  sick  of  the  idee — sick  as  a 
dog,  but  he  sez— 

*'  Yes,  milk  'em  under  the  water  in  rubber  bags, 
jest  as  Ezekiel  did,  and  Malachi,  and  all  the  rest  on 
'em." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "  you'll  keep  bachelder's  hall  then, 
and  cook  your  own  vittles  and  make  your  own 
butter  for  all  of  me.  I  hain't  a-goin'  into  any  sech 
enterprise." 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  "that  don't  surprise  me  at  all  ;  I 
never  yet  got  up  a  uneek  idee  but  what  you  back- 
ened  it  all  you  could." 

Wall,  we  hung  round  here  for  some  time,  and  I 
meditated  on  how  the  prisoners  must  have  felt, 
condemned  to 

"  Fetters  and  the  damp  vault's  dayless  gloom." 

And  as  I  see  how  they  had  wore  the  very  stuns 
away,  a-pacin'  back  and  forth  in  their  narrer  bounds 
like  caged  lions,  I  felt  like  sayin'  with  Byron  : 

"  May  none  these  marks  efface, 
For  they  appeal  from  tyranny  to  God." 

And  it  wuz  with  quite  saddened  emotions  that 
we  wended  our  way  back  to  the  tarvern  Byron. 
I  see  Al  Faizi  wuz  dretful  mournful-lookin'.      It 


5/2  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

always  affected  that  good  creeter  to  see  how  Truth 
and  Liberty  and  Jestice  have  always  been  trompled 
on  by  Error  and  Ignorance  all  through  the  ages 
and  in  all  countries,  and  always  would,  so  fur  as  I 
could  tell. 

Geneva  !  Chamouni,  how  they  glide  past  the 
roused  eye  of  my  mind,  that  don't  need  spectacles- 
no,  indeed  !  For  never  on  earth,  it  seems  to  me, 
was  there  sech  grandeur  of  scenery  as  wuz  here  in 
Chamouni.  And  the  hull  world  seemed  to  have 
found  it  out,  for  folks  from  all  the  countries  of  the 
earth  seemed  to  be  represented  here. 

Here  we  wuz  set  down  like  little  grains  of  sand 
in  a  high  pine  forest,  and  that  don't  carry  out  my 
idee  at  all,  for  what  is  a  pine-tree  compared  to 
Mont  Blanc — grand  old  giant  standin'  up  there 
lookin'  down  on  the  hull  world,  and  seemin'  to  be 
kinder  guardin'  it.  I  believe  that  even  Martin's 
pride  wuz  kinder  crumpled  down  a-beholdin'  that 
wonder  and  glory. 

On,  on  we  went  by  wild  and  magnificent  scenery, 
by  sweet  sheltered  spots,  castles,  farm-housen, 
bridges,  waterfalls,  valleys,  towerin'  hills,  lofty 
mountains,  etc.,  etc. 

Martigny — the  wonderful  Rhone  valley,  the 
magnificence  of  the  Simplon  Road,  straight  up  the 
mountain-side,  under  waterfalls,  over  wild  waters, 


SAMANTHA   CLIMBS   THE   RIGHT.  5/3 

along  abysses,  through  tunnels  seemin'ly  milds  long, 
openm'  oift  into  new  seens  of  beauty — oh,  what  a 
time,  what  a  time  ! 

How  many  bridges  did  we  cross  ?  Josiah  said, 
groanin',  "  Over  ten  thousand  "  But  I  believe  there 
wuz  only  six  hundred  odd ;  but  what  would  Miss 
Gowdey  and  Sister  Bobbett  think  of  that,  who 
have  always  looked  with  some  or  at  the  thought  of 
goin'  to  North  Loontown,  because  they  had  to  pass 
over  three  bridges  to  git  there,  and  go  up  a  con 
siderable  steep  hill  ?  What  would  these  sistern  do 
under  the  circumstances  that  I  wuz  placed  in  ?  So 
my  almost  crazed  but  riz-up  brain  would  wildly 
question  me  anon  or  oftener. 


CHAPTER  XXX. 

MILAN,    GENOA,    VENICE. 

WALL,  at  last,  under  the  fosterin'  eare  of  Martin, 
we  wuz  conveyed  along  into  Italy  and  put  up  to  a 
place  called  Milan.  But  one  memory  of  our  way 
thither  stands  out  as  plain  in  my  mind  as  our 
centre-table  duz  in  my  parlor  ;  it  is  of  beautiful 
Lake  Maggiore.  A  more  beautiful  piece  of  water 
I  don't  believe  moistens  this  old  earth.  Them 
sweet  blue  waters,  with  lovely  I  sola  Bella  terraced 
into  hite  after  hite  of  verdure  and  beauty,  and 
other  islands  a-standin'  out  like  clear  blue  stars  in 
a  clear  blue  sky,  and  the  Italians  in  their  picter- 
esque  dress,  priests,  peasants,  etc.,  etc.,  wuz  a  seen 
of  enchantment,  and  even  Martin  looked  kindly  on 
it,  and  admitted  that  it  looked  well.  "  But,"  sez 
he- 

"What  is  it  compared  to  our  own  Thousand 
Islands  ?  Why,  nothing  at  all.  Our  own  St. 
Lawrence  would  take  in  the  whole  of  Lake  Mag 
giore  at  one  mouthful,  and  not  know  the  difference." 

Sez  I,  "Martin,  don't  run  down  the  beauty  of  an 
other  country  a-praisin'  up  your  own." 


. 

MILAN,    GENOA,   VENICE.  575 

"  Well,"  sez  he,  "  do  you  find  such  perfection 
here  as  in  Cur  own  country  ?" 

Sez  I  reminescently,  "  I  find  better  telegraph 
poles."  Sez  I,  "Think  of  the  clear  granite  shafts, 
good  enough  for  monuments,  and  then  think  of 
the  humbly,  crooked  wooden  poles  that  disfigger 
our  American  landscape." 

"  Well,"  sez  he,  "you  don't  often  find  them 
here." 

Josiah  sed  if  I  wuz  so  bent  on  havin'  stun 
telegraph  poles,  he  and  Ury  could  build  up  one 
out  of  loose  stuns  in  front  of  the  house.  Sez  he, 
"We  might  make  it  sort  of  a  monument  shape,  and 
Ury  might  kinder  block  out  my  figger  on  top." 

Sez  I,  "  I  guess  it  would  be  a  work  of  art  if  Ury 
did  it." 

"  Wall,  sez  he,  "  I  might  have  a  tin-type  or 
sunthin'  fixed  on,  or  a  lock  of  my  hair.  It  would 
be  real  uneek,  and  my  fellow-townsmen  would 
think  the  world  on't." 

Mebby  he'll  forgit  the  idee,  and  mebby  I'll  see 
trouble  out  on't  yet. 

Wall,  in  Milan  our  first  move  wuz,  of  course,  to 
see  the  cathedral.  I'd  seen  so  many  picters  on't 
that  it  looked  as  familar  as  Betsey  Bobbettses 
liniment,  only  fur  grander  and  more  impressive 
lookin'. 


5/6  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

Yes,  after  lookin'  at  that  wonderful  buildin'  on 
the  outside  and  inside,  I  felt  as  if  I  \vuz  a  heathen 
creeter  who  had  never  seen  a  cathedral  or  a  meet- 
in'-house  in  my  life.  Why,  to  make  it  clear  to 
everybody  jest  how  grand  and  extensive  it  is,  I  will 
say  that  if  the  pine  woods  on  the  hill  back  of  Dea 
con  Henzy's  \vuz  all  turned  into  pinnakles  and 
monuments  and  arches,  and  every  pine  needle  on 
'em  wuz  ornaments  of  delicate  tracery  and  carvin' 
and  beautiful  design,  it  could  not  be  more  impres 
sive,  and  to  anybody  who  has  seen  them  woods 
that  is  sufficient.  It  is  a  dream  to  remember  in 
still  nights  when  you  lay  on  your  piller  and  can't 
sleep.  I  think  on't  time  and  time  agin.  Why,  it 
is  so  big  that  you  could  carry  on  a  Stock  Exchange 
meetin'  at  one  end  and  a  funeral  at  the  other,  and 
not  interfere  with  each  other  in  the  least  ;  you 
couldn't  hear  the  bulls  and  bears  yellin'  or  the 
mourners  a-weepin'  and  wailin',  not  at  all. 

And  you  climb  up  five  hundred  steps  to  the  top, 
and  look  down  on  all  the  beauty  and  glory  of  the 
world — it  is  a  sight,  a  sight. 

Wall,  Martin  sed  that  he  must  make  all  haste 
possible  a-travellin'  through  Italy,  as  business  wuz 
a-callin'  him  home,  but  he  must  go  to  Genoa,  the 
birthplace  of  Columbus.  Sez  he,  "  Of  course,  con 
sidering  what  he  discovered  and  where  he  was  of 


MILAN,    GENOA,    VENICE.  577 

late  celebrated,  that  is  by  far  the  most  important 
place  in  Europe." 

Wall,  I  wuz  glad  enough  to  visit  the  birthplace 
of  that  good,  misused  creeter.  So  we  anon  found 
ourselves  in  Genoa,  the  Superb,  as  some  call  it, 
and  in  good  rooms  in  a  big,  comfortable  tarvern. 

The  first  thing  we  went  to  visit  wuz  the  statute 
of  Columbus.  It  towers  up,  a  poem  in  white  mar 
ble  ;  and  in  a  settin'  poster,  on  the  four  sides  on't, 
are  Religion,  Gography,  Strength,  and  Wisdom, 
and  all  round  'em- and  between  'em  are  carved  the 
leadin'  events  of  Columbuses  life.  Every  one  of 
them  symbols  carved  out  there — Religion,  Strength, 
etc. — Christopher  had,  and  the  world  realizes  it  at 
last. 

I  should  think  the  world  would  have  been 
ashamed  of  itself  after  picterin'  out  his  grand  doin's, 
his  discoveries  in  the  New  World,  to  have  sculped 
him  out  in  chains  ;  it  wuz  a  burnin'  shame,  but  his 
memory  is  a-walkin'  down  through  the  ages  now 
free  and  soarin',  no  chains  on  it — no,  indeed  ! 

But,  poor  creeter  !  how  he  would  have  enjoyed 
bein'  made  sunthin'  on,  and  used  well  while  he  wuz 
here  in  the  body  !  How  he  would  have  enjoyed 
havin'  enough  to  eat,  and  hull  clothes  ! 

But  sech  is  life. 

Wall,  Martin    renewed  his  strength   a-lookin'  on 


578  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Columbuses  statute  and  a-realizin'  what  it  wuz  he 
discovered  and  how  his  discovery  is  a-branchin'  out 
and  spreadin'  itself.  He  felt  well. 

Right  acrost  from  the  statute  stands  a  big  house, 
which  has  writ  on  it,  "  Christopher  Columbus  Dis 
covered  America."  Martin  didn't  need  to  be  told 
on't — no,  indeed  ! 

As  nigh  as  we  could  make  out,  Columbus  wux 
born  in  that  house.  They  showed  us  the  very  room 
where  he  wux  born  ;  but  my  lofty  emotions  in 
viewin'  the  spot  wuz  quelled  down  with  the  thought 
that  he  wux  born  in  seven  or  eight  other  places. 
Poor  creeter  !  what  a  time  he  did  have  from  first  to 
last ! 

In  the  Municipal  Palace,  among  other  curous 
and  valuable  relicks,  we  see  lots  of  relicks  of  Colum 
bus — amongst  'em  some  autograph  letters  that  he 
had  his  own  hand  on. 

Josiah  sez,  "  He's  some  like  you,  Samantha— 
ducks'  tracks  is  plain  readin'  compared  to  'em." 

I  looked  coldly  at  him,  but  did  not  dane  to  argy. 

In  a  glass  case,  amongst  lots  of  other  things,  we 
see  the  violin  of  Paganini,  the  greatest  violinist  that 
ever  lived. 

He,  too,  wuz  a  discoverer  ;  divine  realms  of  mel 
ody  wux  brung  to  view  by  his  heavenly  vision.  He 
wafted  his  hearers  into  that  realm  on  the  flood  of 


MILAN,    GENOA,    VENICE. 


579 


melody.      I  took  sights  of  comfort  a-lookin'  at  that 
old  fiddle* 

When  my  thoughts  git  started  back  to  Italy,  as 
thoughts  will,  no  matter  where  your  body  is — a-set- 
tin'  in  the  meetin'-house  or  out  to  the  barn  or  any 
where—they  always  linger  sort  o'  lovin'ly  on  Venice 

-Venice  that  stands  out  in  my  mind 
all  by  itself  amongst  cities,  jest  as 
prominent  as  Thomas  J.  duz  amongst 
boys. 

My  Josiah  wuz  dumbfoundered  when 
we  emerged  from  the  depot  to  think 
that  he  had  got  to  go  to  our  tarvern  in 
a  boat ;  but  so  it  wuz. 

Then  he  demurred  agin  about  the 
convenience  we  wuz  a-goin'  in. 

He  sez,  "  Dum  it  all,  I  hain't  a-goin' 
to  be  drawed  by  a  hearse  whilst  I  am 
alive  !" 

But  I  soothed  him  down  by  pintin' 
out  that  the  boats  wuz  all  painted  black. 

But  wuzn't  it  a  curous  sensation  to  drive  along 
on  streets  of  water,  instead  of  good,  honest  dirt. 
Bein'  kinder  skairy  of  water,  I  whispered  to  Jo 
siah — 

"  As  bad  as  our  roads  in  Jonesville  be  durin'  the 
worst  of  Spring  mud,  I'd  ruther  navigate  'em  with 


DlVIXE  REALMS  OF  MELODY  \VU2 
BRUNG  TO  VIEW  BY  HIS  HEAV 
ENLY  VISION. 


5 So  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

our  wheels  up  to  the  hubs  in  mud  than  to  ride  down 
these  water  streets." 

Sez  he,  "  Samantha,  we  didn't  realize  our  prive- 
liges  then,  we  made  light  on  'em." 

"Yes,"  sez  I,  "you  used  language  on  them  roads 
that  you  wouldn't  use  now  if  you  wuz  set  back  on 
'em." 

"  I  didn't  talk  any  worse  than  the  rest  of  the 
Jonesvillians  !"  he  snapped  out.  "  And  how  these 
streets  smell — dead  cats  and  pollywogs  !"  sez  he, 
turnin'  up  his  nose  real  high. 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "less  count  over  our  blessin's. 
We  can  hold  our  noses  while  we  are  a-countin'," 
sez  I.  "  Look  at  them  towerin'  marble  palaces  ; 
see  the  carvin'  on  them  tall  pinnakles  and  the  arched 
winders  and  the  fretted  ruffs,"  sez  I. 

"  The  ruffs  don't  fret  no  worse  than  my  mind 
duz !"  sez  he.  "  Oh,"  he  whispered  with  a  low 
groan,  "  shall  wre  ever  see  the  cliffs  of  Jonesville 
once  more  !" 

"  Don't  give  up,  Josiah,"  sez  I,  "  here  right  in  the 
dream  of  the  world,  Venice,  the  beautiful." 

Sez  Josiah,  "  I  hearn  there  wuz  a  sayin',  '  See 
Venice  and  die,'  and  I  can  tell  'em  that  if  this  smell 
keeps  on,  and  if  the  dum  muskeeters  keeps  on 
a-bitin',  there's  one  man  who  will  foller  their  advice." 

"Sez   I,   "They  hain't   muskeeters,  they're  nats, 


$82  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

and  it  wuz  Naples  that  wuz  said  on  ;  and,"  sez  I, 
wantin'  to  roust  him  up,  "  they  say  Venice  is  per 
fectly  beautiful  by  moonlight." 

That  kinder  nerved  him  up,  bad  as  he  felt — he 
seemed  to  look  forrered  to  it,  and  after  a  good  meal 
and  a  good  rest,  when  we  did  set  off  by  moonlight, 
hirin'  a  gondola  jest  as  we  would  a  express  wagon 
to  home,  he  admitted  the  beauty  of  the  seen. 

And  it  wuz  like  a  journey  through  fairyland. 
The  long,  glassy  streets,  all  lit  up  by  lights  from 
the  tall,  white  palaces  on  each  side  on  us,  and  by  the 
lanterns  of  the  pussin'  gondoliers  ;  the  soft,  sweet 
voices  of  the  gondoliers  as  they  called  out  to  each 
other  in  their  melogious  Southern  tongue  ;  the 
glidin'  boats  movin'  past  us  like  shudder  craft,  with 
the  handsome,  graceful  forms  of  the  gondoliers 
a-drivin'  'em,  and  anon  or  oftener  the  sweet  strains 
of  a  guitar,  and  some  divine  voice  in  song  ;  and 
the  admirin'  surprise  when  you'd  turn  a  corner  and 
look  down  another  street  of  beauty,  differin'  inform 
of  glory. 

Oh,  it  wuz  a  seen  to  be  remembered  as  long  as 
Memory  sets  up  on  her  high-chair  under  my  fore- 
top  !  And  what  hantin'  thoughts  kep'  company  with 
me  and  filled  the  gondola  to  overflowing  I  seemed 
to  see  Titian  with  his  artist's  eyes  and  inspired  pen 
cil — the  old  Doges  with  their  embroidered  and 


MILAN,    GENOA,    VENICE.  583 

jewelled  robes — sad-eyed  Beatrice  Cenci,  Antonio, 
Shylock,  Wise-eyed  Portia — I  seemed  to  hear  her 
say  in', 

"  The  quality  of  mercy  is  not  strained, 
It  clroppeth  as  the  gentle  rain  from  Heaven.    .   .  . 
It  blesseth  him  that  gives,  and  him  that  takes." 

The  gondola  wuz  crowded  by  the  fantom  crowds 
that  set  round  me  onheeded  by  my  Josiah,  jest  as 
sperit  crowds  may  be  cramped  all  round  onbeknown 
to  us. 

Wall,  I  expected  that  about  the  most  interestin' 
thing  in  Venice  to  me  would  be  the  Bridge  of  Sighs, 
that  stands,  as  Byron  so  eloquently  observes,  with  a 
palace  on  the  nigh  side,  and  a  prison  on  the  off  side 
(I  may  not  have  got  the  exact  words,  but  it  is  the 
same  meanin').  And  I  had  more  emotions  there 
than  I  could  count,  as  I  looked  at  it. 

Al  Faizi  wuz  dretful  interested  in  the  old  prison 
and  dungeons  and  in  the  relicks  of  the  infamous 
Council  of  Ten. 

He  writ  pages  in  that  book  of  hisen,  and  didn't 
come  no  more  nigh  depicterin'  all  their  atrocities 
and  abominations  than  one  drop  of  water  would  to 
exhaustin'  the  ocean. 

In  the  palaces  we  see  the  height  of  luxury  and 
richness  of  beauty.  In  the  prisons  and  dungeons 


584  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

we  can  see  the  black  depths  of  terror  and  cruelty 
of  the  time  when  the  Council  of  Ten  ruled  Venice. 

The  Doge's  palace  is  a  dream  of  magnificence. 
You  look  up  the  Giant's  Staircase,  way  up — up  to 
the  great  statutes  of  Mars  and  Neptune,  where 
them  mean  creeters  wuz  crowned — the  Doges,  I 
mean.  And  then  you  can't  help  meditatin'  that 
whilst  they  dumb  to  the  very  top  of  magnificence, 
they  didn't  do  well,  they  didn't  die  peaceable  in  their 
beds,  none  on  'em. 

No,  they  wuz  pizened,  or  had  their  heads  cut  off, 
or  sunthin'  or  other,  that  interfered  with  their  com 
fort. 

I  wouldn't  want  Josiah  to  be  a  Doge — not  if  he 
could  be  jest  as  well  as  not.  No,  Dogein'  seemed  to 
be  resky  business  in  them  days,  and  I  presoom  that 
it  would  be  now. 

And  then  they  wuz  so  awful  mean  some  on  'em- 
jest  read  what  they  done,  it's  enough  toskairyou  to 
death  almost.      I  had  dretful  emotions  as  I  looked 
at  that  long  table  where  the  Ten  ust  to  set  in  silence, 
and  condemn  men  and  wimmen  to  death. 

They  ort  to  be  ashamed  of  themselves. 

And  then  the  Lion's  Mouth,  where  the  papers 
accusin'  folks  wuz  dropped  by  the  people.  The 
paper  dropped  down  into  a  chest  so's  the  wicked  old 
Ten  could  git  ho-lt  of  'em. 


MILAN,    GENOA,    VENICE.  585 

Miserable  creeters  !   I'd  love  to  gin  'em  a  piece  of 

4» 

my  mind 

But  Josiah  wuz  all  took  up  with  the  idee  ;  sez 
he- 

"  How  convenient,  how  charmin'  it  would  be  to 
have  a  complainin'  box  rigged  up  in  the  barn  over 
the  manger  or  by  the  side  of  the  haymow,  so  when 
I  wanted  to  complain  of  Ury  I  wouldn't  have  to  jaw 
him  and  have  him  sass  back  !  How  much  easier  it 
would  be  than  jawin'  !  He'd  like  it  better,  too.  And 
you  can  have  one,  Samantha,  to  complain  of  Philury  ; 
you  could  jest  drop  'em  in.  and  then  you  wouldn't 
have  to  tell  'em  over  to  me  when  she  wuz  wasteful 
or  slack,  or  acted.  Jest  put  'em  down  on  paper, 
drop  'em  into  the  box,  and  nobody  but  Philury 
would  be  the  wiser." 

Sez  I,  "  Do  you  spoze  I'm  a-goin'  to  be  feelin' 
round  writin'  complaints  while  a  batch  of  cookies 
are  bein'  spilte,  or  a  lot  of  good  vittles  throwed  to 
the  hens  ?  No,  indeed  !  My  tongue  is  good  yet, 
and  active." 

"  Yes,  indeed,  it  is  !"  sez  he  with  a  deep  groan  (I 
d'no  what  he  meant  by  it). 

"  But/'  sez  he,  "it  would  be  good  for  it  to  rest  a 
spell,  and  it  would  be  a  good  thing  for  me,  anyway, 
specially  nights  when  I  wuz  sleepy,"  and  agin  he 
sighed  (he  acted  like  a  fool). 


586  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

"  And  if  you  say  so,"  sez  he,  "we  could  have  one 
rigged  up  together  for  both  on  us — we  ort  to  be 
able  to  complain  of  our  hired  man  and  woman  in 
one  complainin'  box.  We  might  have  it  over  our 
back  door,  or  on  the  smoke-house." 

But  I  waived  off  his  idee,  and  mebby  he  gin  it  up, 
and  mebby,  agin,  he'll  try  to  rig  up  some  contrivance 
that  won't  do  no  good,  and  take  time  and  money. 

Another  one  of  the  queer  things  them  old  Doges 
ust  to  do  wuz  to  marry  the  Adriatic  to  the  city  at 
a  certain  time'  every  year. 

What  did  they  want  to  marry  water  for  ? 

But  Josiah  wuz  all  worked  up  with  the  idee,  when 
he  hearn  us  a-talkin'  about  it,  and  about  the  magni 
ficent  ceremonies  they  went  through  with  at  the 
weddin'. 

Sez  he,  "  How  uneek  it  would  be  for  me  to 
marry  the  creek  to  Jonesville  and  perform  the  cere 
mony  out  to  our  mill-dam  !  It  would  be  beautiful, 
and  it  would  be  as  cheap  as  dirt,  too  ;  Ury  could 
fix  up  a  raft,  and  I  could  take  one  of  the  curtain 
rings  out  of  the  spare  bedroom  to  wed  it  with." 

"What  do  you  want  to  be  weddin'  the  creek 
for  ?"  sez  I  coldly. 

"  Oh,  for  fashion,"  sez  he — u  style.  Old-fashioned 
things  are  so  stylish  now,"  sez  he.  "  You  know 
how  them  old,  long,  black  clocks,  humbly  things  in 


MILAN,    GENOA,    VENICE.  587 

the  first  on't  as  they  could  be — you  know  how  they're 
set  up  in  the  boodores  of  luxury  now,  a-lookin' 
like  a  coffin  on  end.  And  spinnin'-wheels  and  sech 
that  our  grandmas  ust  to  hustle  out  of  the  room,  if 

o 

company  come,  now  they're  sot  up  on  velvet  car 
pets,  and  made  sights  on.  And  this  manoover 
would  be  dretful  stylish.  Oh,  how  the  Jonesville 
bridge  would  be  crowded  !  how  the  Jonesvillians 
would  look  on  in  admiration  to  see  the  sight  ! 

"  Of  course  I  should  wear  my  dressin'-gown.  The 
public  has  never  had  a  chance  to  see  it  on  me  yet, 
you  have  always  been  so  sot  on  keepin'  me  to  home 
in  it.  This  would  be  a  very  agreeable  treat  to  have 
on  Fourth  of  Julys,  or  any  national  holiday,  and  I 
could  carry  it  out  perfectly  and  dog  cheap,  with  a 
little  of  Ury's  help." 

But  I  sot  my  foot  right  down  on  the  idee  to 
once.  Sez  I,  "It  looks  silly  as  anything  in  them 
wicked  old  Doges,  and  you  hain't  a-goin'  to  import 
any  of  their  tricks  into  Jonesville.  Next  thing  I'd 
know  you'd  have  a  inquisition  a-goin'  on,  and  a  se 
cret  tribunal  of  Ten." 

"  Fd  like  it  first-rate,"  sez  he,  "if  I  could  be  the 
10.  Fd  like  to  shake  some  of  the  sins  and  foolish 
ness  out  of  Brother  Gowdey  and  Deacon  Henzy," 
sez  he,  "and  bring  'em  into  my  way  of  thinkin'." 

"  There  it  is  !"  sez  I.    "  Intolerance,  bigotry,  perse- 


MILAN,    GENOA,    VENICE.  589 

cution,  how  fresh  they  be  to-day  in  the  human 
heart  !  Jest  as  ready  to  spring  up  and  act  in  1895 
as  a  thousand  years  ago." 

"  Wall,  I  hain't  %aid  I  wuz  a-goin'  to  start  it  up 
agin,"  sez  he,  kinder  cross  like  ;  "  I  only  spoke  on't." 

I  expected  trials  when  I  sot  out  to  take  my  pard- 
ner  through  Europe,  and  I  wuzn't  dissapinted  in  it. 
But  if  it  hadn't  been  for  his  ambition  for  display, 
and  his  bein'  carried  away  by  novelties,  and  his  ap 
petite,  he  would  have  acted  real  well.  But,  anyway, 
act  or  not,  he's  the  one  man  in  the  world  for  me, 
and  visey  versey. 

But,  as  I  wuz  a-sayin',  the  palaces  of  them  old 
Doges  rousted  lots  of  emotions  in  my  brain,  and 
the  fantoms  of  their  victims  seemed  to  hover  round 
them  old  palaces  as  thick  as  the  pigeons  that  come 
with  a  rush  of  wing  down  into  the  great  square  of 
St.  Mark  at  jest  two  o'clock,  where  they  are  fed  by 
order  of  the  goverment. 

The  grand  old  Church  of  St.  Mark  interested  me 
dretfully.  It  is  built  in  the  form  of  a  Greek 
cross,  with  a  big  dome  in  the  centre,  and  full,  full 
to  overflowin'  with  glory  of  mosaic,  precious  stuns, 
picters,  monuments,  altars,  pillars,  colenades,  gold, 
silver,  and  splendor  of  all  sorts. 

Josiah  sez  to  me,  "  Our  Jonesville  meetin'-house 
wouldn't  show  off  much  compared  to  this." 


590  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

But  I  wuz  some  consoled  in  this  by  thinkin'  that 
if  our  meetin'-house  wuzn't  so  gorgeous,  there  wuz 
jest  as  big  a  laek  of  beggars  and  poor  people  of  all 
kinds  a-hoverin'  on  the  outside  ©n't,  and  sez  I— 

"  If  they  should  sell  off  some  of  their  costly 
things  and  try  to  improve  the  condition  of  these 
poor  beggars,  they  would  raise  themselves  as 
much  as  twenty-five  cents  in  my  estimation,  and 
I  d'no  but  more." 

And  Josiah  sez,  "  It  is  hard  to  make  a  rotten 
string  stand  up  straight — it  is  hard  to  brace  up 
laziness,  and  dissipation,  and  improvidence,  and 
make  anything  on't." 

I  couldn't  dispute  him,  nor  didn't  try  to.  But 
I  did  love  to  prowl  round  in  those  old  meetin'- 
housen  and  see  the  wealth  of  interestin'  things  in 
em. 

In  the  Church  of  Santa  Maria  d'Frari,  the  beau 
tiful  monument  to  Titian  took  my  admirin'  inter 
est.  It  has  angels,  lions,  all  sorts  of  sculptered  fig- 
gers  in  elegant  carvin',  and  beautiful  bas-reliefs  of 
his  greatest  works — "The  Assumption,"  "Martyr 
dom  of  St.  Lawrence,"  and  "  Peter  Martyr." 

Then  the  monument  to  Canova  is  a  sight  to  see 
in  its  beauty.  Wall,  he  ort  to  had  it ;  he  did 
enough  work  to  make  the  world  more  beautiful. 

In  the  Academy  of  Fine  Arts  we  see  sech  sights 


MILAN,    GENOA,    VENICE.  59! 

of  beautiful  picters  that  my  brain  almost  reels  now, 
a-tryin'  to  recall  'em.  But  Titian's  •"  Assumption  of 
the  Virgin"  is  one  that  you  can't  forgit,  no  matter 
how  clost  other  idees  press  around  it  and  squooze 
aginst  it. 

Great  picters  by  Paul  Veronese,  Tintoretto,  and 
other  great  masters — the  walls  are  jest  seens  of 
beauty. 

I  wouldn't  want  it  told  on — it  ort  to  be  kep',  but 
Josiah  told  me  right  there  in  that  sacred  spot,  that 
he  wuz  sick  of  Madonnas — sick  as  a  snipe. 

But  I  told  him  that  I  wouldn't  own  up  to  it,  if  I 
wuz. 

And  he  said  he  didn't  care  who  hearn  him. 
I  wuz  kinder  sick  on  'em  myself,  but  didn't  want 
to  own  up  to  it  right  there  in  a  meetin'-house. 
But,  truly,  anybody  will  see  enough  Holy  Families, 
Virgins,  Madonnas,  etc.,  to  last  'em  a  long  life,  un 
less  they're  extravagantly  fond  of  'em.  And  every 
artist  seems  to  have  painted  his  own  idees  of  the 
Holy  Mother — mebby  from  his  own  sweetheart ; 
anyway,  no  two  of  'em  are  alike.  Most  of  'em  are 
real  fat  and  healthy  lookin'.  I  never  spozed  she 
enjoyed  sech  good  health  as  they  depicter ;  I 
thought  she  wuz  more  kinder  spindlin'  lookin'. 
And  then  I  imagined  there  wuz  a  ineffible  look 
to  the  face  of  the  Mother  of  our  Lord,  sech,  as 


592  SAMANTHA    IN    EURO  PH. 

it  seems  to  me,  they  hain't  none  of  'em  ketched. 
The  Mother  of  our  Lord  !  What  a  face  she  ort 
to  have  to  fit  my  idees  of  her !  It's  resky  work, 
paintin'  divine  things.  I  wouldn't  want  to  under 
take  it,  or  have  Josiah.  Now  I  see  the  picter  of 
the  Deity  once  painted  with  a  hat  on. 

I  didn't  love  to  see  it. 

Why,  even  to  Moses  the  Great  Presence  wuz 
surrounded  by  a  flame  of  fire  ;  and  St.  Paul  fell 
to  the  ground,  struck  by  the  blindin'  glory  on't, 
and  he  wuz  never  able  to  put  in  mortal  words 
the  sights  he  see — "  Whether  in  the  body  or  out 
of  the  body,  God  knoweth." 

He  wuz  reverent.  And  it  don't  seem  quite  the 
thing  to  try  to  paint  ineffible  glories  with  chrome 
yeller  and  madder.  Howsumever,  I  spoze  they 
meant  well. 

And,  indeed,  some  of  the  picters  we  see  as  we 
journeyed  through  the  Italian  cities  are  all  placed 
in  rows  around  the  inside  of  my  brain,  and  can't 
never  be  moved  from  there — no,  the  strings  must 
break  down  first  that  they  hang  up  on. 

In  Florence  the  Beautiful,  oh,  the  acres  and 
acres  and  acres  of  beauty  that  I  walked  through, 
full  to  overflowin'  with  beauty  and  glorious  con 
ceptions  and  the  white  splendor  of  marble  poems ! 
The  works  of  Michael  Angelo  I  hain't  a-goin'  to 


MILAN,    GENOA,    VENICE.  593 

forgit  them — no,  indeed !  nor  Lorenzo  Ghiberti, 
nor  the  picters  by  Titian,  Raphael,  Rembrandt, 
Tintoretto,  Veronese,  Van  Dyke,  Rubens,  etc.,  etc., 
etc.,  and  so  forth,  and  so  forth,  and  so  on,  and  so  on. 

I  walked  through  the  long  picter  galleries  with 
my  brain  and  heart  all  rousted  up,  and  enjoyin' 
themselves  the  best  that  ever  wuz,  and  my  legs  all 
wore  out  and  achin'  bad.  And  Josiah  groanin' 
audibly  by  my  side.  And  Martin  patronizin'  the 
marvels  of  ancient  and  modern  art,  and  havin'  a 
good  time.  Al  Faizi  with  his  hat  off,  reverent  and 
devout  in  the  presence  of  so  much  divine  beauty. 
And  Alice,  I  spoze,  thinkin'  of  the  past  and  the 
futer,  and  Adrian  eatin'  candy,  etc. 

Time  fails  to  tell  what  we  see.  It  seems  to  me 
it  would  be  easier  to  tell  what  we  didn't  see  ;  I 
guess  it  wouldn't  take  so  long,  but  I  will  desist. 

But  a  few  memories  stand  out  shinin'  amidst  the 
bewilderin'  maze.  One  of  'em  is  standin'  in  the  cell 
of  Savonarola,  that  noble  creeter,  raised  up  to  the 
pinnakle  of  saintship  by  the  fickle  populace,  who 
knelt  and  worshipped  him,  and  then  so  soon  cruci 
fied  him.  And  he  all  the  time  a-keepin'  on  stiddy, 
jest  as  good  and  noble  and  riz  up  as  he  could  be. 
Yes,  his  last  words  to  his  persecutors  gin  a  good 
idee  on  him— 

"You    can    turn    me    out    of    earthly  meeting- 


594  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

houses,  but  you  can't  keep  me  out  of  the  Heavenly 
one.5' 

I  may  not  have  used  the  same  words  he  did,  but 
it  wuz  to  that  effect.  I  had  a  sight  of  emotions  as 
I  stood  in  that  narrer  place  that  once  confined  the 
form  of  that  kingly  creeter. 

And  then  the  tomb  of  Galileo.  I  always  liked 
him  the  best  that  ever  wuz.  Fie  wuz  also  perse 
cuted  for  knowin'  things  that  them  round  him 
didn't  know,  and  thinkin'  thoughts  and  seein'  sights 

o  o 

that  they  didn't.  And  in  order  to  git  along  with 
'em  round  him,  he  had  to  promise  to  stop  teachhl 
the  truth.  The  Majority  had  to  be  appeased  by 
the  old  Ignorance.  It  has  to  now,  time  and  agin. 
But  he  kep'  on  a-sayin'  to  himself,  and  out  loud,  when 
he  got  a  chance  to — "  The  world  duz  move."  Men 
and  wimmen  to-day,  who  feel  some  as  Galileo 
about  men's  and  wimmen's  rights — licenses,  the 
higher  spiritual  knowledge — they  keep  on  a-sayin' 
all  the  time,  every  time  that  they  can  git  a  chance 
to  edge  a  word  in  between  Ignorance  and  Bigotry 
and  shaky-kneed  Custom,  who  stand  all  shackled 
together  with  mouldy  old  chains  of  prejudice,  every 
time  they  can  git  a  openin'  between  these  tattlin', 
but  hard-lived  old  creeters,  they  keep  on  a-sayin'- 
"  The  world  duz  move." 

Folks  will  fall  in  with  'em  after  a  time,  jest  as 


MILAN,    GENOA,    VENICE.  595 

they  fell  in  with  the  idees  of  Galileo ;  now  they  per 
secute  'em. 

But  more  interestin'  to  me  than  the  glories  and 
marvels  of  the  Medician  Chapel,  the  Pitti  and 
Uffizi  galleries,  the  Boboli  Gardens,  the  monu 
ment  to  Dante  (smart  creeter  he  wuz,  and  went 
through  a  sight  from  first  to  last ;  he  and  she  both 
—Beatrice,  I  mean)— 

But  of  fur  more  interest  to  me  it  wuz  to  stand  in 
the  house  where  the  slender  little  English  woman 
dwelt  while  her  soul  was  slightly  imprisoned  in  her 
frail  body,  while  she  held  "  The  poet's  star-tuned 
harp  to  sweep."  And  where  at  last  "  God  struck  a 
silence  through  it  all,  and  gave  to  His  beloved 
sleep." 

"  Sleep,  sweet  beloved,  we  sometimes  say, 
Yet  have  no  tune  to  charm  away 

Sad  dreams  that  through  the  eyelids  creep  ; 
But  never  doleful  dream  again 
Shall  break  their  happy  slumber  when 

He  giveth  His  beloved  sleep." 

Yes,  she  sleeps  well  now.  All  the  melancholy 
and  charm  of  Italy,  all  its  magnificence,  all  of  its 
splendor,  its  ruins — all  seem  to  be  centred  in  that 
one  little  room.  I  had  emotions  there  that  it  hain't 
no  use  dwellin'  on. 

Figgers    seemed    to   start  up   and  bagon    to  me 


596  SAMANTHA    IN   EUROPE. 

from  every  side.  Aurora  Leigh,  with  her  sad, 
sweet  smile,  stood  in  front  of  me  with  that  lover  of 
hern  ;  the  Portuguese  lovers,  with  hearts  of  fire  and 
dew  too  ;  the  "  Poet  Mother"  holdin'  her  two  hoys 
to  her  heart,  knit  to  that  heart  by  ties  of  iron  ; 
Nino  and  Guido,  little  babies,  teaching  'em  to— 
"  Say  first  the  word  country,"  after  that  mother 
and  love.  Then  I  see  her  alone  in  the  house — alone. 

"  God,  how  the  house  feels  !" 

While  Guido  and  Nino  lay  dead,  shot  down  by 
the  balls  of  the  enemy — "  One  by  the  East  Sea  and 
by  the  West" — then  she  remembered  that  she 
had  learnt  'cm  to  say  first  the  word  "country," 
puttin'  it  before  "mother  and  home." 

She  wux  kinder  sorry  she'd  done  it  at  first,  I 
guess.  She  forgot  Glory  and  Patriotism,  for  this 
woman — this  "Who  was  agonixcd  here,  the  East 
Sea  and  West  Sea  rhymed  on  in  her  head,  for 
ever  instead." 

She  couldn't  think  of  anything  else,  only  the 
mightiness  of  human  love  and  grief. 

I  don't  blame  her  ;  I  should  felt  jest  so  myself  if 
it  had  been  Thomas  Jefferson  shot  down.  What 
would  the  glory  of  Jonesville  be  to  me,  if  his  bright, 
understandin',  affectionate  eyes  wuz  closed  in  death  ? 
I,  too,  should  think  that  everything  else  wuz  "im 
becile,  hewin'  out  roads  to  a  wall." 


MILAN,    GENOA,    VENICE.  597 

How  black  that  wall  would  look  to  me  ! 

And   then  the  cry  of  the    Human,  how   it  rung 

in  my  ears— 

"  Be  pitiful,  O  God  !" 

Yes,  indeed,  in  how  many  crysises  have  I  felt  the 
hite  and  the  depth  of  that  cry ! 

I  had  powerful  emotions,  powerful,  and  sights  of 
'em — so  did  Al  Faizi.  He  jest  doted  on  Mrs. 
Browning's  poetry,  and  he  sot  a  good  deal  of  store 
by  the  poetry  of  her  relict — her  widderer.  And 
Robert  duz  write  first-rate,  but  pretty  deep,  some 
on  'em.  I've  grown  real  riz  up  and  breathless 
a-hearin'  Thomas  J.  read  about  "  How  they  brought 
the  good  news  from  Ghent  to  Aix."  And  I  love 
to  hear  Thomas  J.  read  about  the  "  Lost  Leader," 
and  beautiful  "  Evelyn  Hope,"  and  etc.,  etc.  But,  on 
the  hull,  I  sot  more  store  by  the  poems  of  his  wife. 

But,  as  I  say,  I  always  respected  and  admired 
Elizabeth's  widderer.  He  insisted  on  marryin'  the 
woman  he  loved,  no  matter  how  poor  health  she 
enjoyed.  I  presoom  his  folks  objected  and  thought 
that  Robert  would  do  better  to  marry  a  woman 
that  wuz  enjoyin'  better  health.  But  he  never 
thought  of  doctors'  bills  or  poultices — things  that 
fill  up  littler  minds — no,  indeed  !  nor  she  didn't 
either.  They  felt  only  the  supreme  joy  of  con 
genial  minds  and  hearts,  and  love  that  lifts  the  soul 


598  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

up  to  the   divinest  hites    mortals    can    ever    stand 

up  on. 

She  says,  and  it  seems  almost  like  liftin'  a  veil 

before   the    Holy  of    Holys,  and   as   if    I    ortn't   to 

speak  of  it,  but  I  will  venter- 
She  sez  : 

"  First  time  he  kissed  me,  he  but  kissed 
This  hand  wherewith  I  write, 
And  ever  since  it  grew  more  fair  and  white, 
Slow  to  world  greetings,  quick  with  its  Oh,  list  ! 
When  the  angels  speak." 

How  the  words  fell  from  her  innocent  soul,  and 
how  they  must  always  reach  the  same  place  in  'em 
who  hear  'em,  if  they  have  got  souls  ! 

Yes,  in  readin'  her  poetry  you  can  see  that,  as  she 
sed  about  the  dead  baby  and  its  sorrerin'  ma,  that 
"  The  crystal  bars  shine  ifeint  between  the  souls  of 
child  and  mother."  You  can  see  that  the  veil  wuz 
but  thin  indeed  between  her  soul  and  the  Heaven 
she  writes  of— yes,  you  can  almost  see  its  light 
a-shinin'  through  the  words,  and  its  music  almost 
throbs  through  her  sweet  thoughts. 

But  to  resoom.  It  seems  almost  like  a  beautiful 
dream  to  look  back  on't,  with,  of  course,  some 
shadders  to  make  the  brightness  seem  more  bright, 
the  time  we  spent  in  Florence.  One  day  while  we 


MILAN,    GENOA,    VENICE. 


599 


wuz  there   we  rid  out  to  see  the  Tower  of  Pisa- 
Martin  sed  ft  would  be  expected  of  him  to  see  it. 

We  found  that  Pisa  wuz  a  dretful  noisy  place— 
dretful,  and,  somehow,  yellin'  in  a  foreign  language 
seems    worse    than    the    same    yellin'    in    Yankee. 
Howsumever,  I   spoze   these  yellers  and  jabberers 
knew  their  own  business. 

Josiah  sed,  as  we  looked  up  at  the  tower,  sez 
he- 

u  You've  always  took  me  to  task,  Samantha,  about 
my  corn-house  bein'  built  kinder  tippin'  and  tottlin'. 
Now  what  do  you  think  ?  This  tips  as  much  agin, 
and  folks  can't  think  too  much  on't,  so  it  seems." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "it  has  a  different  look  to  it  from 
your  edifice.  I  believe  that  will  fall  on  you  some 
day,  Josiah  Allen,  and  be  the  death  on  you." 

"  Wall,  they  hain't  either  on  'em  fell  yet  ;  they 
both  stand  kinder  tippin',  but  I  don't  worry  about 
either  on  'em — we  knew  what  we  wuz  about  when 
we  built  'em." 

He  ranked  'em  both  right  in  together,  I  see  that 

he  did.      But  this  tower  goes  fur  ahead  of  his  edifice 

—fur,  though  it  is  some  seven  hundred  years  older. 

It  is  perfectly  round,  the  sides  all  fixed  off  in 
rows  of  pillows,  and  the  hull  thing  most  two  hun 
dred  feet  high. 

I  didn't  hanker  for  goin'  up  to  the  top  on't — no, 


600  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

indeed  !  It  tuckers  me  enough  to  go  up  into  our 
wood-house  chamber,  about  twenty  odd  steps.  I 
wuzn't  goin'  to  trail  up  three  hundred  steps — no, 
indeed  ! 

But  Martin  sed  that  he  would  like  to  say  that 
he  had  been  there.  So  he  toiled  up  the  ascent,  and 
so  did  Alice.  And  she  sed  that  the  view  from  the 
top  wuz  perfectly  wonderful,  takin'  in  the  beautiful 
country  all  round — cities,  picteresque  villages,  and 
the  blue  waters  of  the  Mediterranean  twelve  milds 
away. 

And  Martin  sed  that  if  that  tower  wuz  in 
Chicago,  with  a  outside  elevator  let  down  from 
the  top  to  take  folks  up,  and  a  cigar-stand  and 
saloon  on  top,  a  man  ort  to  clear  five  thousand 
dollars  a  year  from  it.  .  And  he  sed  the  white 
marble  it's  built  on  would  make  splendid  mantle- 
pieces,  and  he  told  how  many  it  would  make — I 
can't  remember,  but  a  immense  lot  on  'em. 

He'd  figgered  'em  up  on  the  tower ;  he  took  his 
pencil  out  and  figgered  it  up  on  the  pinnakle,  so, 
for  all  he  realized,  the  entrancin'  view  below  might 
have  been  our  four-acre  paster  or  a  huckleberry 
patch.  We  didn't  stay  here  long.  Of  course,  we 
had  to  see  the  cathedral  and  Baptistery,  great 
buildin's  built  of  white  marble,  and  all  ornamented 
off  on  the  outside  to  as  great  an  extent  as  I  ever 


MILAN,    GENOA,    VENICE.  6oi 

see,  or  ever  expect  to,  and  the  Campo  Santa  has 
got  frescoes  Tn  it  that  are  beautiful  beyend  any  tell- 
in'  on. 

There  is  lots  of  other  things  there  that  is  worth 
seem' — the  Museum,  the  University,  the  Aqueduct, 
etc. — but  we  didn't  stay  to  see  'em  all,  Martin,  as 
usual,  a-bein'  in  a  great  hurry  ;  but  he  sed  that  he 
wanted  to  say,  of  course,  that  he  had  paid  proper 
attention  to  this  city,  which  wuz  one  of  the  oldest 
in  Europe.  Before  John  the  Baptist  came  preach- 
in'  in  the  Wilderness  this  wuz  a  Roman  town.  It 
beats  all  !  No  wonder  it's  a  noisy  old  place — it  has 
seen  lots  of  trouble. 

In  goin'  out  of  it  we  went  through  so  many  tun 
nels,  it  skairt  me  most  to  death,  and  Josiah  wuz 
skairt,  too,  though  he  wouldn't  own  up  to  it,  but  I 
heard  him  sithe  repeatedly  ;  otherwise  I  wuz  glad 
to  go. 

Wall,  as  I  say,  what  I  see  in  beautiful  Florence 
can't  be  told,  and  the  enchantin'  scenery  in  the 
Valley  of  the  Arno.  The  beautiful  Casino,  which 
even  Martin  admitted  come  almost  up  to  Central 
Park  (it  is  fur  bigger  and  handsomer,  though  I 
wouldn't  want  the  Central  Park  folks  to  know  I 
sed  it,  for  it  would  be  apt  to  mad  'em.  It  made 
Martin  mad  as  a  hen  when  I  suggested  it). 


CHAPTER  XXXI. 


COLOSSEUM    AND    CATACOMBS. 

IT  wuz  jest  as  beautiful  in  Rome — magnificent 
palaces,  cathedrals,  picters,  statutes,  tapestry,  mo 
saics,  articles  of  virtue  of  all  kinds,  and  immense 
gateways  leadin'  into  ne\v  seens  of  beauty,  foun 
tains,  monuments,  tombs,  parks,  wells,  etc.,  etc., 
etc. 

My  head-dress  almost  rises  up  on  my  head  now 
as  I  contemplate  the  seens.  But  specially  the  Col 
osseum  almost,  lifts  up  the  ribbins  on  it — now, 
when  I  meditate  on't. 

Why,  when  the  Loontown  Opera  House  wuz 
finished,  we  Jonesvillians  hung  our  heads  consid 
erable  before  the  Loontowners,  they  wuz  so  hauty 
over  it.  Two  hundred  could  set  down  in  it  all  to 
one  time. 

It  danted  us.     We  envied  'em.      But  what  would 
them  proud    Loontowners  think  of  a  theatre  that 
would  seat  eighty  thousand,  and  probble  twenty 
or  thirty  thousand  more  could  have  squoze  in 
while  they  wuz  a-performin'. 

One  hundred   thousand  all  assembled, 


COLOSSEUM   AND    CATACOMBS.  603 

rnebby  to  look  down  on  the  dretful  sight  of  seem' 
men  kill  each  other.  That  wuz,  the  thought  that  riz 
up  my  head-dress,  and  almost  busted  my  bask  waist. 
To  think  that  men  and  wimmen  could  meet  for 
amusement,  and  witness  sech  agony  and  suffering 
and  probble  laugh  at  it.  Why,  in  one  of  their 
meetin's,  twelve  hundred  men  wuz  killed,  wimmen 
lookin'  on,  too,  jest  as  well  as  men,  and  probble 
snickerin'  over  it. 

I  would  be  ashamed  of  myself  if  I  wuz  in  their 
places — heartless  creeters  !  If  I'd  been  there  at  the 
time  nobody  could  kep  me  from  givin'  'em  a  piece 
of  my  mind.  But  I  wuz  eighteen  hundred  years 
too  young  ;  they  kep'  right  at  it. 

Al  Faizi  wuz  dretful  interested  in  this  pjace.  He 
writ  down  lots  in  that  book  of  hisen.  He  see 
sights  here  he  never  see  in  his  own  land — religion 
or  no  religion. 

Christians  throwed  round  to  let  lions  and  tigers 
devour  'em  !  The  idee  !  He  looked  curous  as  a 
dog  while  he  talked  with  me  about  it. 

Martin  wuz  kinder  calculatin'  on  how  many  grain 
elevators  the  stun  would  build  if  they  wuz  landed 
in  Chicago. 

And  Josiah  and  the  children  weie  wanderin' 
round,  and  he  acted  tired  and  fagged  out.  He  wuz, 
as  usual,  hungry.  He  sed  prowlin'  round  amongst 


604  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

them  stun  heaps  gin  him  a  appetite.  And  I  spoze 
it  did.  But,  then,  I've  known  settin'  still  to  whet 
up  his  appetite,  and  barn  chores,  and  everything. 

But  we  prowled  round  here  for  some  time,  and 
there  is  one  big,  vivid  memory  that  I  brung  away 
from  Rome  ;  it  stands  up  in  my  fore-top  some  as 
in  Naples  Mount  Vesuvius  stands,  with  the  Bay  of 
Naples  a-layin'  plaeid  and  fair  at  its  treacherous  old 
feet. 

The  treasures  of  the  Vatican  (which  makes  my 
brain  reel  and  my  feet  kinder  ache  to  this  day  when 
I  think  of  'em),  the  biggest  palace  in  the  world,  so 
I^spoze.  And  then  St.  Peter's  Church,  more'n  five 
times  as  big  as  the  big  Catholic  Cathedral  in  New 
York — two  hundred  and  twelve  thousand  feet ;  we 
can't  hardly  understand  it,  it  is  so  big. 

But  Martin  kep'  us  there  more'n  half  an  hour  ; 
for,  as  he  sed,  he  wanted  to  git  a  thorough  idee  of 
it,  so  that  he  wouldn't  have  to  come  agin.  Sez  he  : 

"  I  travel  as  I  do  everything  else  ;  I  do  it  labo 
riously  and  thoroughly." 

Wall,  mebby  he  did,  but  I  carried  away  from  St. 
Peter's  and  the  Vatican,  which  is  jest  by  the  side 
on't,  a  sort  of  a  dizzy,  achin'  memory  of  pillows  and 
picters  and  statutes  and  illimitable  space,  and  picters 
and  carvin's  and  statutes,  and  statutes  and  carvin's 
and  picters — a  few  of  which  stands  out  prominent 


COLOSSEUM   AND   CATACOMBS.  605 

—the  Laocoon,  the  Apollo  Belvidere  (he  wuz  as 
handsome  as  Thomas  Jefferson,  and  that  is  sayin' 
all  I  can  say),  and  the  Annunciation,  and  the  Trans 
figuration  by  Raphael,  and  great  picters  by  Da 
Vinci  and  Murillo.  Picters,  statutes,  mosaics,  car- 
vin's,  chapels,  altars,  picters,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc., 
etc.,  and  I  might  go  on  so  all  day,  but  I  won't. 

Why,  the  treasures  of  art  in  the  Vatican  is  the 
finest  collection  in  the  world,  and  when  you  realize 
how  big  the  world  is — take  it  from  Jonesville  to 
Chicago,  and  so  by  New  York  to  Ingy,  and  back 
agin  by  the  North  Pole  to  Loontown  and  Zoar, 
you  can  git  a  faint  idee  on't. 

There  is  everything  in  it  besides  the  glorious  pic 
ters  and  statutes  made  by  the  greatest  artists  and 
sculpters  that  ever  lived.  There  are  ancient  coins 
and  household  utensils  of  every  age,  tapestry, 
mosaics,  jewels,  embroideries,  carvin's,  etc.,  etc. 

Why,  imagine  what  treasures  of  art  could  be  put 
into  these  ten  thousand  rooms  by  onlimited  wealth 
and  power  through  hundreds  of  years,  and  then  see  if 
you  expect  anybody  is  a-goin'  to  describe  'em  ;  spe 
cially  if  they  are  hurried  on  by  a  Martin,  and  goaded 
on  the  right  and  the  left  by  the  hungry  groanin's  of  a 
Josiah,  and  the  endless  questions  of  a  child  of 
eight. 

Al  Faizi  got  considerable  good  out  on't,  I   guess. 


606  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

He  writ  down  a  lot,  I  see,  in  that  delicate,  small 
handwritin'  of  hisen — I  d'no  but  it  is  shorthand. 

Alice,  I  spoze,  see  on  every  side  a  face,  jest  as 
young  eyes  will,  when  young  hearts  are  full  of  love 
and  hope. 

Wall,  Martin  sed  he  must  see  the  catacombs,  and 
I  felt,  too,  that  I  must  go,  although  I  knew  it  wuz 
resky.  I  felt  that  with  his  ardent  temperament  and 
his  eager  search  after  ontried  paths;  I  more'n 
mistrusted  that  I  should  lose  Josiah  Allen  for  good 
in  them  catacombs.  But  I  ventered,  after  layin' 
stringent  rules  onto  that  small,  but  ambitious  man. 

Sez  I,  "  Don't  you  lose  sight  of  me  through  the 
day,  Josiah  Allen  !" 

"  How  can  I  see  you  in  the  dark  ?"  sez  he. 

"  Foller  my  voice  !"  sez  I. 

"  That's  an  easy  job,"  sez  he  ;  "  I  could  foller  that 
for  years  and  years,  and  not  lose  a  minute." 

I  d'no  what  he  meant ;  he  wuz  excited  and  kinder 
wanderin'  in  his  mind,  I  believe. 

Wall,  when  we  descended  into  the  bowels  of  the 
earth,  I  felt  queer,  queer  as  a  dog.  The  guides  went 
ahead,  with  flarin'  lights  held  up  to  guide  us,  and  as 
we  proceeded  onwards  through  what  seemed  to  be 
milds  and  milds  of  underground  rooms  and  halls 
and  windin'  ways,  the  thought  come,  and  I  couldn't 
keep  it  out  of  my  mind — 


THE   GUIDES   WENT   AHEAD   WITH    FLARIN*    LIGHTS." 


608  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

"  What  if  the  light  should  blow  out,  as  I've  seen 
so  many  lights  do  in  my  day,  and  we  should  be 
doomed  to  forever  more  wander  here,  and  die  at 
last  fur  from  Jonesville,  and  the  light  of  day.  But 
as  I  whispered  to  Josiah— 

"  We  shall  die  together  at  least,  which  will  be  a 
comfort." 

He,  too,  felt  the  pathos  and  danger  of  the  seen, 
and  sez  he— 

"  Hurry  up,  or  the  guide  will  be  out  of  sight  !" 
and  he  added  almost  tenderly,  "  You're  too  fat, 
Samantha,  to  take  many  sech  trips." 

And  I  sez,  "  Wall,  I  don't  expect  to  travel  habit 
ually  under  the  ground." 

And  we  had  some  words.  It  madded  me  consid 
erable  to  be  twitted  of  my  heft  both  on  top  of  the 
ground  and  in  the  bowels  of  the  earth,  till  I  rec 
ollected  where  I  wuz  and  what  had  once  gone  on 
here  ;  then  a  deep  or  took  holt  on  me,  and  I  sez 
to  myself— 

"What  must  the  Christians  have  felt  who  fled 
here  for  safety  from  persecution  and  death  !  What 
did  the  saints  and  martyrs  think  on  as  they  jined  in 
their  hymns  of  praise  and  victory  ?  A  few  pounds 
of  flesh,  more  or  less,  what  would  they  have  thought 
on't,  or  the  teasin'  words  of  their  pardners  ?  No, 
lions  and  tigers  and  the  headsman's  axe  wuz  what 


COLOSSEUM   AND    CATACOMBS.  609 

wuz  before  their  eyes,  and,  what  wuz  worse,  before 
the  eyes  of  'em  they  loved  best. 

Endless  rooms,  so  it  seemed  to  me,  we  went 
through,  narrer  passages  and  chambers,  arched  over 
head,  and  the  walls  lined,  some  on  'em  with  dead 
bodies.  Mummies,  tombs,  picters,  windin'  ways, 
Josiah,  Martin,  torches — them  wuz  the  idees  that 
come  back  to  me  as  I  think  on't  now. 

Wall,  Josiah  wuz  dretful  impressed  with  the  Holy 
Staircase,  up  which  the  members  of  the  meetin'- 
house  went  on  their  knees,  a-sayin'  their  prayers  as 
they  went,  and  it  wuz  a  impressive  sight  to  look  way 
up  the  stairs  and  see  the  bretheren  and  sistern 
a-creepin'  up  and  a-fingerm'  their  strings  of  beads 
and  a-prayin'  to  the  Virgin  Mary  or  some  other 
saint  or  'postle,  mebby. 

And  here  I  had  another  trial  with  my  dear,  but 
too  ardent  and  impressible  pardner.  He  looked 
on  in  deep  thought  for  anon  or  a  little  longer, 
and  then  he  sez— 

"  Samantha,  wouldn't  it  be  uneek  for  you  and 
me  to  climb  up  the  steps  of  the  Jonesville  meet- 
in'-house  a-sayin'  over  some  hymn,  or  one  of  the 
Sams?  And  you  could  take  your  mother's  gold 
string  of  beads,  and  I  could  buy  a  string  of  glass 
ones  for  two  or  three  cents,  or  I  could  make  a 
string  with  a  little  of  Ury's  help — whittle  'em  out 


6lO  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

of  wood.  And  how  impressive  it  would  be  !  how 
it  would  attract  attention  to  us  !  how  foreign  it 
would  look,  and  show  plain  how  travelled  and  cul 
tivated  we  wuz  !  You  know,  folks  that  come 
home  from  Europe  always  bring  lots  of  strange 
ways  with  'em  and  airs  ;  and  this  would  be  one 
of  the  most  uneekest  and  impressive  that  wuz  ever 
brung  into  Jonesville  or  America." 

Sez  I,  "Gin  up  that  idee  to  once,  Josiah  Allen, 
for  I  will  never  jinc  in  with  it  in  the  world.  The 
idee  !"  sez  I,  "that  you  and  me,  with  our  age  and 
our  rumatiz,  should  go  a-creepin'  up  on  our  knees  into 
the  meetin'-house.  Why,  to  say  nothin'  of  spilein' 
our  clothes,  our  knee-pans  wouldn't  be  good  for 
nothin'  after  one  venter."  Sez  I,  "  The  pans  would  be 
perfectly  useless  forever  afterwards,  and,"  sez  I, 
"what  good  would  it  do5  The  aid  we  invoke 

o 

hain't  bought  with  beads.  The  God  we  worship 
hain't  reached  by  creepin'  up  a  pair  of  stairs  ;  He  is 
right  with  us  to  the  foot  of  the  stairs  or  anywhere. 
Give  up  the  idee  immegiately  and  to  once." 

He  acted  real  fraxious,  but  I  drawed  his  attention 
off,  and  mebby  he'll  forgit  it. 

The  beauty  of  Naples  has  been  sed  and  sung  in  so 
many  different  words  and  tunes  that  it  don't  need 
the  pen  or  voice  of  a  Samantha,  specially  as  I  hain't 
much  of  a  singer,  nor  wuzn't  even  in  my  young 


COLOSSEUM    AND    CATACOMBS.  6l  I 

days,  so  I  will  be  content  with  singin'  to  myself  at 
times  a  rapt^ort  of  a  soul  song,  as  I  look  back  on 
the  enchantin'  beauty  of  the  Bay  of  Naples. 

Beautiful  for  situation  indeed  is  Naples  !  cluster- 
in'  round  the  clear,  blue  waters,  that  sweep  round  in 
a  sort  of  a  crescent. 

The  city  occupies  the  centre — the  inside  on't,  little 
villages  and  tree-embowered  castles  and  villas  a-linin' 
the  shores  on  each  side,  and  on  the  off  side,  addin' 
the  one  touch  of  mystery  that  gives  a  vivid  but  dark 
charm  to  the  picter,  rises  Mount  Vesuvius,  a-stand- 
in'  there  all  the  time  as  if  protestin'  aginst  the  poor 
wisdom  of  the  ages. 

Who  knows  what's  a-goin'  on  in  her  insides  ? 
Who  knows  what  she's  mad  about  ?  Who  knows 
what  makes  her  act  so  puggicky,  and  every  no\vtand 
then  bust  out  into  blood-red  indignation,  that  carries 
death  and  ruin  all  round  her  ?  Queer,  hain't  it  ? 

Queer,  that  havin'  in  mind  jest  what  she's  done 
and  is  liable  to  do  any  time  agin,  that  men  and 
wimmen  go  on,  gay  and  happy,  and  lean  up  aginst 
her  old  feet,  and  nestle  down  in  her  shadder,  and 
build  homes  of  love  there,  liable  any  minute  to  be 
swep'  away  by  her  red-hot  wrath  ! 

Passin'  strange  !  jest  as  singular  as  it  is  to  think 
all  of  us  in  Jonesville  and  the  world  at  large  will 
build  fair  homes  of  love  and  content,  and  anchor 


6l2  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE." 

'em  to  livin'  hearts  alone,  in  the  same  world  where 
Death  is. 

But  to  resoom.  My  recollections  of  this  city, 
like  so  many  others,  is  one  vast  paneramy,  framed 
in  by  the  blue  Mediterranean,  and  ornamented  on 
top  by  Vesuvius,  of  picter  galleries,  tall  palaces, 
broad  avenues,  narrer  streets,  in  which  we  see  many 
seens  that  in  Jonesville  is  kep'  under  cover,  and 
stately  castles — sights  and  sights  of  castles,  and  im 
mense  ones  ;  seems  as  if  they  wuz  immenser  and 
more  numerous  than  in  any  other  city  I  see  on  my 
tower,  and  fountains,  and  aqueducts,  and  churches, 
and  colleges,  and  theatres,  and  operas,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 
Plenty  of  chances  for  bein'  good,  and  plenty  of 
modes  of  recreations,  the  Neapolitans  have,  and 
they  seem  to  take  advantage  on  'em  all.  But  it 
seemed  as  if  I  couldn't  never  forgit  that  tall,  warn- 
in'  rigger  that  looms  up  forever  in  the  background. 
But,  then,  agin,  mebby  I  should  ;  I  forgit  the  grave 
yard  in  Jonesville  lots  of  times,  though  I  ride  by  it 
every  Sunday  to  meetin'. 

The  guide  wanted  us  to  go  up  Vesuvius.  He 
said  she  wuz  lookin'  very  mild  and  pleasant,  and  it 
would  be  perfectly  safe. 

But  I  didn't  like  her  looks,  or  that  is,  I  thought 
I'd  ruther  admire  her  at  a  distance,  some  as  I  would 
a  striped  tiger  right  out  of  the  jungle.  But  Vesu- 


COLOSSEUM    AND    CATACOMBS.  613 

vius  did  indeed  look  beautiful,  a-risin'  up  above  the 
incomparable  Bay  of  Naples.  But  I  felt  for  all  her 
good  looks  I  didn't  want  to  tackle  her. 

I  knew  what  she'd  done  in  the  past  to  'em  that 
trusted  her  too  much.  Pompey  won't  forgit  her— 
no,  indeed  !  After  eighteen  hundred  years  have  gone 
don't  memories  hant  the  House  of  Pansa  and  the 
hull  of  that  devoted  city  of  what  Vesuvius  can  do 
when  it  gits  to  actin'  ?  Yes,  indeed,  indeed  !  No,  I 
didn't  want  to  venter. 

But  I  did  want  to  visit  that  city  that  has  lain 
buried  up  in  the  earth  for  so  many  years.  And 
Martin  sed  that  most  all  of  his  inflooential  friends 
made  a  practice  of  goin'  there.  So  we  all  sot  off  one 
pleasant  mornin' — my  Josiah  in  pretty  good  sperits, 
for  we  had  had  an  oncommon  good  breakfust,  and 
Alice  lookin'  sweet  as  a  flower,  and  Al  Faizi  a-know- 
in'  she  did,  a-realizin'  her  sweetness  through  all  his 
bein',  as  I  could  see  from  his  big,  dark,  sad  eyes,  that 
wuz  bent  on  her  all  the  way,  and  her  heart  all  filled 
up  with  another's  image  and  drawin'  her  radiant 
looks  from  that  sun  of  her  heart. 

O  human  hearts  ;  O  glory  and  sadness  and 
rapter  that  fills  'em  !  How  many  jest  sech  gay 
young  sperits,  sech  souls,  full  of  the  glowin'  rapter  of 
love,  the  divine  sadness  of  love,  went  out  in  darkness 
on  that  dretful  day,  a  thousand  and  a  half  years  ago  ! 


6.14  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROI'K. 

I  had  fearful  riz-up  emotions  before  I  got  to 
Pompey,  jest  a-thinkin'  on't,  and  so  what  could  they 
have  been  when  I  at  last  stood  in  the  city  on  which 
fell  sech  a  sudden  doom. 

To  see  the  silent  forms  struck  down,  jest  as  full 
of  life  and  love  and  happiness  as  Alice  and  Adrian 
wuz  to-day.  There  wuz  a  woman  clingin'  to  a  bag 
of  gold — gold  couldn't  help  her.  A  young  man 
and  young  girl  clasped  in  each  others'  arms — love 
couldn't  save  'em.  A  priest  of  Isis,  who  knew  all 
the  secrets  of  the  Mystic  Religion — his  wisdom 
couldn't  save  him,  or  what  he  called  his  wisdom. 
A  giant  form  full  of  courage  and  defiance — strength 
couldn't  save  him,  nor  courage.  A  high-born  lady 
covered  with  jewels — wealth  and  high  station 
couldn't  save  her. 

They  all  had  to  bear  the  common  fate,  as  well  as 
the  little  maid  who  died  runnin'  away  from  death, 
and  had  covered  her  face  with  her  garments,  she 
wuz  so  'fraid.  Poor  little  creeter  !  what  if  it  had 
been  Babe  ? 

No  ;  the  prisoners  shet  up  in  jail,  riveted  to  the 
rock,  the  dogs,  horses,  goats,  even  the  poor  little 
dove,  that  wouldn't  leave  her  nest,  pretty,  little  affec 
tionate  thing  ! — all,  all  had  to  bear  the  doom  that 
come  down  upon  'em  on  that  dretful  day. 

All  on  'em  a-doin'  their  usual  work,  jest  as  if  the 


COLOSSEUM   AND    CATACOMBS.  615 

Heavens  should  open  and  pour  down  a  avalanche 
of  ashes  and  bury  us  up  in  our  home  in  Jonesville 
-Josiah  a-doin'  his  barn  chores,  and  I  a-washin' 
dishes,  and  both  on  us  full  of  life  and  joy  of  livin'. 
Besides  Ury  and  Philury. 

Oh,  dear  me  !  oh,  dear  me  suz  ! 

Wall,  I  went  through  them  streets,  so  many  cen 
turies  buried  and  forgot,  in  a  state  of  mind  I  can't 
describe.  It  seemed  some  like  goin'  through  any 
city.  The  streets  wuz  middlin'  narrer,  but  the  housen 
stood  on  each  side  ;  good  roads  were  down  by  the 
steps  of  the  multitude.  So  wuz  the  fountains  that 
stood  on  every  hand ;  you  could  see  where  the  lips 
of  the  public  had  wore  'em  away.  Palaces,  little 
housen,  shops,  temples,  amphitheatres.  One  house 
we  went  through  looked  as  though  it  had  been  built 
yesterday  for  some  rich  American  ;  it  wuz  over  three 
hundred  feet  long  and  over  a  hundred  feet  broad, 
and  all  ornamented  off  beautiful  with  statutes  and 
mosaics  and  things  good  enough  for  a  Vanderbilt. 

In  some  things  the  old  inhabitants  did  better 
than  they  do  now.  They  had  sidewalks — pretty 
narrer,  but  fur  better  than  none — and  more  facil 
ities  for  gittin'  water.  I  wish  the  Italians  used 
more  now — they  would  feel  as  well  agin  for  it,  jest 
as  Josiah  duz  when  I  can  git  him  to  use  it  free. 


CHAPTER   XXXII. 


FASHIONABLE    WATERING-PLACES. 

WALL,  in  the  streets  of  Naples  Martin  met  a  man 
that    he  knew   at    home — a   man   most   as   rich    as 
Martin — a  Mr.  Goldwind,  a  sort  of  a  rival  in   busi 
ness,   I  guess,   and   he  had  jest  been 
travellin'  through  Spain. 

And  what  should  P.  Martyn  Smythe 
do  but  proclaim  it  to  us  that  evenin' 
that  we  wuz  to  go  to  Spain. 

I  hearn  him  say  to  Alice — "  It  will 
be  asked  of  me  if  we  have  been  there. 
Gertrude  Goldwind  will  ask  you  if 
you  have  been  there.  Alice,  we  must 
be  able  to  say  '  Yes/  So  we  will  start 
immegiately.  I  have  got  to  go  back 
to  Paris  anyway  on  important  busi 
ness." 

So  the  next  day  we  started  for  Paris. 

As    I    have    sed  heretofore,   Martin  wuz  a  very 

enthusiastick  and  ambitious   traveller ;    that   is,   he 

wanted  to  tell    what    he'd    seen    in    foreign    lands, 

whether  he'd  seen  'em   or  not ;    but  he  wuz    ambi- 


MR.  GOLDWIND,  ONK  OK 
MARTIN'S    BUSINESS    RIVALS. 


FASHIONABLE   WATERING-PLACES.  617 

tious  to  have^his  body  trailed  through  'em.  And 
it  made  it  very  good  and  instructive  for  me,  though 
wearisome,  for,  of  course,  the  more  you  see,  the 
more  you  know,  and  he  had  to  take  the  hull  circus 
with  him  wherever  he  went.  And  when  he  pro 
mulgated  the  wild  idee  that  we  wuz  to  go  to 
Spain,  I  acquiesced  immegiately  and  to  once, 
and  after  a  private  interview  I  held  with  Josiah, 
he  did. 

Sez  Martin — "We  won't  make  a  long  stay  there  ; 
but  we  will  go  over  the  Pyrenees  anyway,  and  step 
onto  the  soil ;  and  when  we  go  back  to  America  it 
can't  be  said  by  any  one  that  we  did  not  see  Spain." 

Oh,  how  different  folkses  key-notes  is  !  Now, 
the  key-note  to  his  character  wuz — what  would 
folks  say  ?— the  outside  of  the  platter  ;  while,  as  for 
me,  my  key-note  wuz — what  I  could  see  and  learn, 
and  what  wuz  inside  of  the  platter.  And  that  wuz 
Al  Faizi's  key-note,  only  his  key  wuz  stronger  and 
deeper  even  than  mine.  Josiah  and  the  children 
had  their  own  keys  and  notes,  which  it  is  needless 
to  peticularize. 

Wall,  I  had  become  some  acquainted  with  Spain 
through  .my  friend,  Washington  Irving,  and  Mr. 
Bancroft,  and  then  I  wuz  quite  familar  with  its 
literature.  I  had  learned  at  a  early  age  one  of  its 
poems,  runnin'  thus  : 


6l8  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

"  When  it  rains, 
Do  as  tljey  do  in  Spain — 
Let  it  rain." 

I  had  often  hearn  and  repeated  this  national 
epick  to  my  relief  and  consolation  on  stormy  days. 
And  though  I  felt  that  our  trip  bid  fair  to  be  a 
hasty  and  sweepin'  one,  yet  I  felt  that  if  I  eould 
jest  stand  on  the  top  of  the  Pyrenees,  and  look 
down  into  the  land,  I  would  like  it,  even  if  I  did 
not  step  my  foot  into  it. 

So,  after  stayin'  a  short  time  in  Paris — for  Martin 
to  do  his  errents  there,  I  spoze — we  sot  sail  for 
Spain,  and  the  first  night  come  to  the  river 
Garonne,  and  acrost  the  long  bridge  into  Bor 
deaux. 

We  stayed  all  night  there,  and  the  next  mornin' 
bright  and  early  sot  out  agin.  A  little  after  noon 
we  come  to  Pau.  The  train  stopped  down  by  the 
river  Gave,  a  river  that  rushes  right  out  of  the 
mountains.  Above  that,  a  hundred  feet  high,  on  a 
terrace  lookin'  south,  stands  the  city. 

And  what  a  view  busted  onto  my  vision  as  I 
looked  out  of  the  winder  at  the  hotel  !  Them 
gleamin',  silent  peaks  of  snow  are  camped  round 
Pau  like  tall,  silent,  white-robed  pickets  a-guardin' 
Pau  from  danger. 

What  a  sight !  what  a  sight ! 


FASHIONABLE   WATERING-PLACES.  619 

But  Martin^ anxious  to  see  everything  that  could 
be  seen,  sot  off  most  the  first  thing  to  see  the  eastle 
—one  of  the  grandest  in  France — where  Henry 
IV.  wuz  born,  and  I  spoze  they  enjoyed  it,  for  Jo- 
siah  went  with  him. 

But  what  I  wanted  to  see  wuz  the  fountain  of 
Lourdes.  And  though  Martin  and  Josiah  kinder 
made  light  of  me,  they  seemed  willin'  enough  to  go 
with  me  the  next  day.  It  is  only  a  two  hours'  ride 
from  Pau  to  this  most  famous  place  of  pilgrimage 
in  Europe.  And  we  sot  off  in  good  sperits.  It 
lays  down  at  the  foot  of  the  mountain,  in  a  deep 
valley.  At  one  end  of  the  village  is  a  grotto  where 
a  young  girl,  years  ago,  received  a  visit  from  the 
Virgin  Mary,  or  she  sez  that  she  did.  She  told  the 
story  to  her  folks  and  to  all  the  neighbors,  and 
she  stuck  to  the  same  story  all  her  life  till  she  died. 

Of  course  'em  that  went  to  the  same  place  and 
didn't  see  nothin' — they  didn't  believe  her. 

I  d'no  as  Abraham's  folks  believed  him  when  he 
sed  that  he  had  had  a  visit  from  angels.  I  dare 
presoom  to  say  some  of  his  relations  didn't — his 
cousins  now,  and  his  mother-in-law's  folks  ;  I  dare 
say  they  sed  they  wuz  a-lookin'  right  that  way  at 
the  very  time  and  didn't  see  a  thing — Abraham  must 
have  been  mistaken  ;  and  they  would  add  most  prob- 


620  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

''Abraham's  eyes  are  a-failin';  he  ort  to  wear 
stronger  specs." 

Not  a-thinkin'  that  their  stronger  specs  could 
never  give  'em  a  glimpse  of  the  things  that  he  see ; 
for  speritual  things  are  speritually  discerned,  and 
we  all  have  gifts  differin'.  Why  should  a  prophey- 
sier  try  to  dream  dreams  and  see  visions  ? 

Wall,  finally  the  priests  gin  out  that  the  story 
wuz  true,  but  whether  their  consciences  wuz  good 
in  ginin'  it  out  I  d'no — I  don't  keep  their  consciences 
in  a  box  in  my  bureau  draw. 

But  tenny  rate,  the  first  six  months  one  hundred 
and  fifty  thousand  pilgrims  visited  the  spot  and  par 
took  of  the  healin'  water  of  the  spring  that  flowed 
out  of  the  grotto. 

And  pretty  soon  a  lofty  meetin'-house  riz  up  over 
that  grotto.  The  grounds  round  it  are  laid  out  like 
a  immense  waterin'-place  that  must  prepare  for  the 
comin'  of  a  multitude  without  number.  In  the  sea 
son  of  pilgrimage  the  meetin'-house  is  crowded  all 
day  and  way  into  the  night,  and  round  it  the  way 
is  blocked  with  the  pilgrims,  and  way  up  onto  the 
hillside  their  kneelin'  forms  are  massed. 

What  a  seen  it  must  be  in  still  nights,  that  im 
mense  kneelin'  throng  and  vast  procession  a-movin' 
up  the  hill  and  a-carryin'  torches  and  a-singin'  thrill- 
in'  hymns  ! 


FASHIONABLE   WATERING-PLACES.  621 

Inside,  the  meetin'-house  wuz  richly  decorated, 
its  high  arcKes  festooned  with  banners,  and  the 
walls  covered  with  memorials  of  gratitude  for  cures 
performed  there. 

Martin  walked  round  with  his  hands  in  his  pock 
ets  and  his  head  up.  I  don't  believe  he  sensed  any 
thing  of  the  sperit  of  the  place,  nor  Josiah. 

Nor  down  in  the  grotto  either,  as  we  stood  by 
that  miracolous  fountain  and  see  a-hangin'  all  round 
us  the  crutches  of  the  paryaletics  and  cripples  who 
had  been  cured  here  and  walked  off  with  no  use  for 
'em  any  more. 

I  don't  believe  them  two  men  took  any  more  real- 
izin'  sense  of  what  they  wuz  a-seein*. 

Josiah  drinked  a  cup  of  the  water,  and  sez  he  in 
a  pert  tone— 

"  That  is  the  best  water  I've  drinked  sence  I  left 
Jonesville.  I  wish  I  could  take  a  kag  with  me — it 
tastes  like  the  spring  down  by  the  Beaver  Medder 
in  Jonesville." 

And  Martin  drinked  his  cupful,  and  sed  he  pre 
ferred  Apollinaris  water. 

Neither  of  them  men  realized  its  virtues. 

But  I  sez  to  my  pardner — "Josiah  Allen,  don't 
you  know  that  this  water  heals  the  sick,  makes  the 
lame  walk,  and  the  blind  see  ?  Don't  you  realize  it 
as  you  ort  to,  Josiah  Allen  ?" 


622  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

"Oh,"  sez  he,  "  I  don't  feel  any  peticular  differ 
ence  in  my  feelin's  ;  I  feel  jest  about  the  same." 

And  Martin  sed  he  thought  it  wuz  imagination 
mostly.  Sez  he,  "  You  know  in  sudden  danger 
cripples  have  been  known  to  walk  off  ;  it  is  the 
power  of  their  religious  fervor  that  performs  the 
cure." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "  you  can  call  it  what  you  please, 
but  it  is  a  good  thing  anyway  that  cures  'em."  Sez 
I,  "I  dare  presoom  to  say  that  they  feel  like  say  in' 
as  they  walk  off  and  look  round — '  One  thing  I 
know,  whereas  I  was  blind,  now  I  see,'  and  they 
feel  like  leapin'  and  praisin'  the  power  that  has 
healed  'em." 

Martin  kep'  his  hands  in  his  pockets  and  looked 
onbelievin',  but  I  see  that  my  talk  wuz  impressin' 
my  beloved  companion,  and  he  whispered  to  me 
while  Martin's  back  wuz  turned — "  Do  you  spoze, 
Samantha,  that  it  would  be  apt  to  cure  that  corn  of 
mine  ?  I'm  most  tempted  to  try  it." 

I  sez,  "  Have  you  the  faith,  Josiah  Allen  ?" 

And  he  sez,  "  I  have  faith  that  it  aches  like  the 
old  Harry  this  minute." 

Sez  I,  "  Do  you  believe  that  the  water  could  heal 
it  ?  If  you  hain't  got  faith  I. wouldn't  take  off  my 
shue  ;"  for  my  ardent  companion  wuz  even  then 
a-onbuttonin'  the  top  button. 


FASHIONABLE    WATERING-PLACES. 


623 


He  paused.  "  But,"  sez  he,  "would  I  have  to 
leave  my  shue  here  if  I  got  cured — would  it  be  fash 
ionable  and  stylish  to  do  so,  and  go  home  bare 
footed  ?" 

And  I  swep'  right  by  him,  and  sez  I,  "  Come  on, 
Josiah  Allen  ;  all  the  water  of  Lourdes  can't  cure  a 
soul  whose  highest  aim  is  to  be  stylish." 

And  he  come  on  a-mutterin',  "  You  complain  if  I 
don't  look  ahead,  and  you  complain  if  I  do.  How 
did  I  know  whether  it  would  be  expected  of  me  to 
go  home  in  my  stockin'  feet  or  not,  and  you'd  com 
plain  if  I  got  a  hole  in  my  stockin'."  Sez  he,  "  If  I 
hain't  healed  you  complain,  and  if  I  be  healed  you 
find  fault  with  me." 

Sez  I  soothin'ly,  "Dear  Josiah,  you  might  git 
cold  in  your  stockin'  feet — it  is  all  for  the  best,  and 
I  d'no  its  power  over  corns  anyway,"  sez  I. 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  "it  would  look  queer  to  Pau  to 
see  me  mount  the  hotel  steps  with  one  shue  and 
one  red  stockin'  on." 

For  he  had  worn  his  dressiest  pair 
that  mornin'. 

And  he  murmured,  "  If  I  had  my 
dressin'-gown  on,  it  would  droop  down 
over  my  feet  some." 

Al  Faizi  had  been  all  this  time  a-look- 
in'  round  and  notin'  down  things  in  his 


I    HAVE  FAITH  THAT  IT  ACHES  LIKE 

THE  OLD  HARRY." 


624  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

note-book,  and  seein'  everything  with  his  deep, 
strange  eyes,  but  sayin'  little  about  it,  and  a-thinkin' 
a  lot,  as  wuz  his  general  way. 

The  next  mornin'  we  left  Pau,  and  in  the  after 
noon  we  found  ourselves  in  the  "  Bay  of  Biscay, 
Oh  !" 

That  is  a  quotation  from  a  poem — in  eommon 
talk  the  "  Oh"  can  be  omitted. 

We  had  to  wait  a  spell  at  Bayonne  for  the  train 
to  take  us  into  Spain,  though  Martin  proposed 
that  we  should  take  a  carriage  and  drive  out  to 
Biarritz. 

For  Martin  sed  that  so  many  of  his  acquaint 
ances  went  there  for  the  winter  that  it  would  sound 
better  for  us  to  say  that  we  had  passed  some  time 
there — it  would  be  far  more  stylish  and  fashion 
able  to  say  it. 

"  How  long  a  time  can  you  pass  there,"  sez  I, 
"  to  git  back  to  ketch  the  train  ?" 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  we  shall  have  time  to  stay  three 
fourths  of  an  hour — ample  time  to  see  everything 
of  interest  there." 

Good  land  ! ! ! ! ! 

But  Martin  wuz  the  head  of  the  procession,  as 
you  may  say,  and  we  had  to  foller  on  where  he  went 
and  halt  when  he  halted. 

And  I  felt  that  one  thing  wuz  favorable  to  me,  I 


FASHIONABLE   WATERING-PLACES.  625 

* 

always  had  a  faculty  for  seein'  a  good  deal  in  a 
short  space  of  time  by  the  clock. 

Biarritz  is  a  pleasant  place  in  the  winter,  and  you 
could  see  that  a  good  many  have  discovered  it  by 
the  number  of  big  hotels  perched  up  on  the  bluffs, 
their  open  winders  lookin'  south. 

Of  course  Martin  had  to  drive  by  the  Villa 
Eugenia,  occupied  by  her  who  once  had  a  empire 
to  command,  and  beauty,  youth,  and  love,  and  now 
sits  and  looks  over  the  tombs  and  the  ruins  of  the 
hull  on  'em. 

Poor  creeter  !  I  always  felt  onreconciled  to  that 
bright  young  boy  of  hern  bein'  struck  down  as  he 
wuz  by  a  savage  in  a  savage  place,  fur  from  a 
mother's  love. 

Oh,  dear  me  ! 

But  here  Napoleon  came  often  in  the  mild  Sep 
tember,  and  happiness  rained  in  the  beautiful  villa, 
with  its  gay  pleasure  grounds. 

Wall,  Martin  see  a  sight,  I  spoze,  and  as  he  sed 
a-goin'  back  : 

"  I  am  so  glad  we  stayed  here  some  time,  for  I 
know  a  lot  of  men  who  bring  their  families  here 
winters,  and  it  will  be  interesting  to  converse  with 
them  about  the  beauties  of  the  place  ;  I'm  glad  I 
brought  all  my  family  with  me,"  sez  he,  lookin' 
complacently  at  Alice  and  Adrian. 


626  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

"  But,  papa,  we  never  sat  down  at  all,"  sed 
Adrian. 

"  Never  mind,  my  boy — you  have  been  there, 
and  it  is  a  great  watering-place.  And  when  Mr. 
Goldwind's  boy  talks  about  Biarritz,  you  can  men 
tion  to  him  that  you  have  been  there  and  stayed  for 
some  time." 

"  But  Billy  Goldwind  stays  there  all  winter, 
papa." 

"  Well,  we  do  not  want  to  stay  so  long  ;  we  want 
to  get  back  home  before  winter.  We  merely  wanted 
to  go  there  and  stay  some  time,  and  we  have." 

Wall,  I  don't  spoze  it  wuz  a  real  lie — we  had  been 
there  and  had  stayed  some  time. 

Josiah  sed  he  had  stayed  as  long  as  he  wanted  to, 
and  he  should  be  glad  to  git  into  Spain  with  his 
dressin'-gown  on,  and  set  down  a  spell. 


CHAPTER   XXXIII.  . 

CATHEDRALS    AND    CASTLES    IN    SPAIN. 

I  wuz  not  sorry  to  be  on  the  train  agin  on  our 
way  to  Irun,  which  wuz  the  first  town  of  Spain  we 
entered,  and  here  we  wuz  ushered  into  the  Custom 
House. 

Our  baggage  wuz  all  took  into  the  station  and 
spread  out  on  long  counters  and  examined. 

Politer  creeters-  I  don't  want  to  see  than  them 
Spaniards  wuz.  And  the  language  they  spoke 
amongst  themselves  wuz  as  soft  as  silk  and  as 
kinder  soothin'  and  sweet.  And  they  didn't  hurt 
our  baggage  a  speck,  though  Josiah's  anxiety  as 
they  opened  his  satchel  wuz  extreme. 

He  sez  to  me,  u  Like  as  not  they'll  spile  that 
dressin'-gown." 

"  How  could  they  spile  it  ?"   I  whispered  back. 

"  Why,"  sez  he,  "them  tossels  could  be  hurt  easy. 
I  shall  have  to  comb  'em  out  agin  as  quick  as  we 
stop." 

He  had  a  awful  coarse  comb  with  him,  and  he 
did  spend  hours  a-combin'  out  them  red  tossels  that 
he  ort  to  spend  on  his  own  head,  or  on  his  Bible. 


628 


SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 


So,  as  I  say,  he  jest  hovered  over  that  satchel 
and  heaved  2  or  3  deep  sithes  of  relief  as  the 
Custom  House  officer  released  it  from  his  hand. 

And,  oh  !  how  lovin'ly  he  folded 
the  rep  folds,  and  laid  the  tossels 
down  caressin'ly. 

My  baggage  was  soon  and  hur- 
ridly  gone  through  —  in  the  words 
of  a  old  adage  concernin'  a  horse, 
changed  to  suit  the  occasion  —  "  A 
short  satchel  is  soon  hurried." 

The  Spaniards  are  a  lazy  set  —  I 
guess  they  would  have  examined 
our  things  closter,  if  they  wuzn't  so 
slow  and  slack. 

I  see  one  of  the  officials  take  up 
one  of  my  sheep's-head  nightcaps 
that  lay  on  top  —  so's  to  not  muss 


i  SEE  ONE  OF  THE  OFFICIALS 

TAKE  UP  MY  SHEEP'S-HEAD 
NIGHTCAP. 


the   agin'  —  he    took  it    up,    and    a    A  SMILE  OF  AU 


SWEP 

VISAGE. 


Qf    admiratiOn     swep'    QVCr      his 

dark  visage.  I  believe,  if  he  hadn't 
been  so  lazy,  he  would  have  asked  me  for  the  pat 
tern  on't.  More'n  as  likely  as  not,  so  lackin'  is 
Spain  in  some  of  the  first  elements  of  the  ingre- 
giencies  of  civilization,  I  shouldn't  wonder  a  mite 
if  them  two  wuz  the  only  sheep's-head  nightcaps 
in  Spain. 


CATHEDRALS   AND    CASTLES    IN    SPAIN,  629 

But  tUis  last  fact  (his  laziness)  conquered  his 
gropin's  after  sunthin'  new  and  better  than  he  and 
his  companion  had  known  in  the  way  of  nightcaps. 
He  laid  it  down  with  another  smile  of  admiration, 
and  closed  up  my  satchel. 

Wall,  after  we  got  on  the  cars  agin,  bag  and 
baggage,  and  I  thought,  my  soul,  owin'  to  the  utter 
shiftlessness  and  slowness,  that  we  never  should  git 
fairly  to  goin'. 

After  Josiah  wuz  set  at  rest  agin  concernin'  his 
dressin'-gown,  and  I  settled  down  about  my  night 
cap,  little  did  I  think  that  we  should  have  to  go 
through  the  hull  performance  agin  in  a  few  hours. 

But  we  did — the  hull  seen  was  enacted  agin,  my 
pardner's  anxiety  and  all.  Only  these  new  officials 
hadn't  the  sense  to  appreciate  my  nightcaps — they 
turned  'em  over  as  if  they  wuz  common  apparel. 

Martin  and  Alice  took  everything  of  the  sort 
with  composure  and  good  nater ;  they  wuz  ust  to 
it,  I  spoze,  travellin'  round  all  the  time.  And  Al 
Faizi  looked  on  the  faces  of  the  men  with  that 
searchin',  enquirin'  gaze  of  hisen,  and  didn't  say 
nothin'.  Adrian  wuz  tired,  I  could  see,  and  when 
we  got  into  the  carnage  to  take  us  to  our  hotel,  he 
kinder  laid  down  in  my  lap  and  went  to  sleep. 

Good,  pretty  little  creeter  ! 

San  Sebastian  is  situated  on  sech  a  beautiful  little 


630  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

bay  that  they  have  named  it  the  Concha,  or  shell, 
as  we  would  call  it.  It  is  a  noted  waterin'-place,  and 
Queen  Isabella  ust  to  come  here  summers  and 
water  herself,  and  bathe,  and  act.  If  I'd  been  here 
I  should  have  gin  her  a  talkin'  to  ,  I  dare  presoom 
to  say  I  could  have  got  her  to  turn  right  round  in 
her  tracts  and  got  her  to  behavin'  ;  I  presoom,  in 
all  the  crowds  around  her,  there  wuzn't  one  well- 
wisher  to  walk  up  and  tell  her  what  wuz  what. 
No ;  praise  to  her  face  and  back-bitein'  to  her 
back. 

I'd  ort  to  been  there  !  She  had  a  hard  time  all 
her  life,  and  I'm  real  sorry  for  her,  and  she  would 
have  read  it  in  my  nlean,  and  took  my  advice  as  it 
wuz  meant  to  be  took. 

Wall,  we  stayed  here  two  days,  and  I  wuz  glad, 
indeed,  of  the  rest.  I  wuz  williiV  to  spend  my  time 
with  St.  Sebastian,  while  the  rest  spent  their  time 
a-meanderin'. 

Martin  and  Josiah  and  the  rest  made  lots  of 
excursions  to  all  the  castles  and  cathedrals  in  the 
vicinity,  but  I  felt  middlin'  satisfied  to  see  the  most 
on  'em  from  the  outside.  The  ruffs  of  'em,  viewed 
from  my  bedroom  winder,  seemed  to  satisfy  my 
mind  as  I  looked  out  on  'em  dreamily,  as  I 
applied  arnaky  to  my  knee  jints.  I  wuz  real  lame, 
but  recooperated  a  good  deal  while  here. 


CATHEDRALS   AND   CASTLES   IN   SPAIN. 


63 1 


I  did  take  one  or  two  drives,  when  I  wuz  charmed 
with  the  strange  and  picteresque  seenery.  In  some 
places  to  see  the  mountains  a-standin'  up  all  round 
us  in  the  fur  blue  distance,  and  the  queer  little 
hamlets  nestled  down  in  the  deep  green  valleys. 


HEAVEY,  ROUGH  CARTS,  DRAWED  BY  AN  ox  AND  A  cow  LASHED  TOGETHER 

BY    ROPES    WOUND    ROUND   THEIR    HORNS. 

We  went  to  Pasages,  less  than  a  hour's  drive,  to 
see  the  very  place  where  Lafayette  sot  sail  to  help 
us  git  our  freedom. 

I  had  so  many  emotions  here,  as  I  viewed  this 
spot,  that  I  breathed  hard,  and  had  to  restrain  my 
self  to  keep  a  composure  on  the  outside. 


632  SAMANTHA    IN   EUROPE. 

On  the  way  back  we  met  lots  of  their  heavey, 
rough  carts,  d rawed  by  an  ox  and  a  cow  lashed 
together  by  ropes  wound  round  their  horns,  and 
then  hitched  to  the  cart. 

As  Josiah  see  this,  he  sez,  "There,  Samantha, 
you  can  see  the  practical  workin's  of  wimmen's 
rights."  Sez  he,  "I  say  a  cow  has  done  all  she  ort 
to  when  she's  gin  a  good  pail  of  milk  ;  she  ortn't  to 
plough  and  reap  too." 

That  speech  kinder  dumbfoundered  me  for  a 
spell.  It  wuz  the  smartest  thing  my  pardner  had 
sed'for  over  a  year  and  a  half.  But,  after  con- 
siderin'  on't  for  a  spell,  I  sez— 

"Josiah,  that  hain't  so  deep  a  speech  as  you'd 
think  it  wuz  from  considerin'  it  from  jest  on  the 
outside.  The  cases  are  different,"  sez  I.  "The  cow 
helps  draw  the  cart,  both  equal ;  but  the  cow  don't 
have  to  pay  taxes  and  the  ox  can't  make  laws  that 
hang  her  and  rob  her,  etc." 

But  still,  in  my  own  mind,  I  did  admire  my  pard- 
ner's  observation,  and  admired  him  considerable  for 
thinkin'  on't.  It  showed  high  gallantry,  too,  and 
devotion  to  females  ;  I  felt  quite  proud  on  him  for 
pretty  nigh  half  a  day. 

On  one  excursion  that  Martin  wanted  to  make  I 
wuz  more'n  willin'  to  accompany  and  go  with 
him — that  wuz  to  Azpeitia,  a  little  village  25  miles 


CATHEDRALS   AND    CASTLES    IN    SPAIN.  633 

from  Sai>  Sebastian  ;  but  its  bein'  a  mountain  road, 
it  took  us  about  all  day  to  go  and  come, 

But  Martin  didn't  begrech  the  time.  "For," 
sez  he,  "I  want  to  see  the  spot  where  the  man  was 
born  who  has  exerted  the  greatest  power  of  any 
man  on  earth — Ignatius  Loyola,  the  founder  of  the 
order  of  Jesuits."  Sez  he— 

"  I  shall  be  asked  if  I  went  there,  and  I  want  to 
be  able  to  say  yes." 

How  different  I  felt  on  the  subject,  and  how  dif 
ferent  Al  Faizi  felt !  I  see  in  that  heathen's  rapt 
eyes  as  we  talked  about  it  on  the  way  the  same 
emotions  I  felt — a  deep  admiration  for  the  grand, 
heroic  character  of  Loyola,  a  deep  horrow  of  the 
power  he  sot  to  goin',  not  knowin'  how  fur  it  wuz 
a-goin'  to  move,  nor  how  much  blood  it  wuz  a-goin' 
to  wade  through. 

I'd  hearn  his  history  rehearsed  a  number  of  times 
by  Thomas  Jefferson,  and  I  knew  all  about  it.  He 
wuz  a  favorite  at  court,  with  beauty  and  wit  and 
good  sense,  a  brave  warrior,  brought  down  to 
death's  door  by  the  enemy's  sword.  When  he  wuz 
thirty  years  old,  as  you  can  see  by  the  inscription 
over  his  front  door,  "  He  gave  himself  to  God/' 

In  that  same  hour  he  wuz  converted,  there  hain't 
a  doubt  of  that  ;  nobody  ever  had  more  faith  than 
he  had.  Why,  he  see  for  himself  the  water  and  the 


634  SAMANTHA    IN   EUROPE. 

wine  changed  right  before  his  eyes  into  the  blood 
and  body  of  our  Lord. 

Some  say  it  wuz  a  vision  caused  by  his  religious 
ecstasy.  But  he  saw  it,  and  forevermore  he 
doubted  not — he  knew  what  he  believed,  and  with 
all  the  ardor  of  his  immortal  faith,  with  all  the 
brave  generalship  learnt  by  his  warlike  trainin',  he 
led  on  his  countless  troops  aginst  the  Wrong  as  he 
see  it. 

Nobody  can  doubt  the  sincerity  and  single- 
mindedness  of  Loyola  ;  he  give  proof  of  it  in  his 
life  of  self-denial  and  fastin'  and  prayer.  He 
changed  his  clothes  with  a  beggar,  eat  the  most 
loathsome  food,  and  to  mortify  his  pride  begged 
from  door  to  door.  Why,  he  who  wuz  ust  to  the 
soft  couches  of  a  court  dwelt  a  hull  year  in  a  cave 
in  plain  sight  of  a  convent  built  to  the  Virgin 
Mary.  He  lay  here  on  the  ground  a  hull  year, 
three  hundred  and  sixty-five  nights,  so  that  he 
could  show  that  he  wuz  indeed  a  worm  of  the  dust 
in  sight  of  his  Maker. 

Havin'  prepared  himself  thus,  he  went  to  the 
shrine  of  the  Virgin  Mary  and  spent  a  hull  night  in 
prayer  before  the  altar,  then  laid  his  sword  upon 
it  to  show  that  he  laid  aside  all  dreams  of  earthly 
honor.  And  here  he  took  his  vows — to  give  his 
heart's  deepest  love,  and  his  hull  life's  devotion. 


CATHEDRALS    AND    CASTLES    IN    SPAIN.  635 

These  ^vows  he  kep'  to  the  last  minute  of  his 
life.  In  a  church  built  to  his  honor  are  those 
words  that  ruled  him  : 

"To  the  Greater  Glory  of  God." 

There  can  be  no  doubt  of  his  sincerity  and  no 
doubt  of  the  fatal  power  he  wielded  and  wields  yet 
For  that  strong,  inexecrable  hand  holds  empires  in 
its  grasp,  blood  drippin'  through  the  firm,  cast-iron 
fingers.  A  well-meanin'  grasp  in  the  first  place,  no 
body  doubts,  and  as  time  has  passed,  a-snatchin' 
many  savages  from  their  barbarous  lives  and 
savage  beliefs  into  better  ways  of  livin',  and  bririgin' 
'em  into  the  shelter  of  the  Cross. 

Good  and  evil,  evil  and  good.  Loyola  is  not  the 
only  Leader  who  has  waded  through  seas  of  blood, 
and  all  to  "  The  Greater  Glory  of  God."  And 
what  will  be  the  end  ? 

Onlimited  power  is  a  dangerous  weepon  to  han 
dle.  Believin'  as  he  did  firmly,  onalterably,  that 
his  way  wuz  the  only  right  way,  he  proceeded  to 
make  people  walk  .in  it.  He  went  to  work  jest  as 
the  Puritans  did  when  they  hung  witches  and 
whipped  Baptists.  Only  as  his  power  reached  by 
powerful  organizations  into  all  the  countries  of  the 
earth,  so  the  streams  of  bloodshed  flowed  down  all 
the  mountains  of  the  earth,  and  reddened  all  the 
valleys. 


636  SAMANTIIA    IN    EUROPE. 

And  he,  shet  up  to  home  a-fastin'  and  a-prayin' 
and  a-seein'  visions  of  his  Lord,  and  heads  a-bein' 
cut  off  and  flames  a-cracklin'  round  the  martyrs 
that  he  caused  to  be  put  to  death  in  the  name  of 
his  religion.  And  St.  Francis  Xavier,  the  best  and 
sweetest  soul  that  ever  lived,  he  too  become  a  gen 
eral  in  this  great  army.  By  its  swift,  silent,  myste 
rious  power  Kings  wuz  put  to  death,  a  Pope  wuz 
poisoned,  and  some  say  that  the  Massacree  of  St. 
Bartholomew  wuz  caused  by  it.  By  its  power 
Queen  Isabella,  the  sweet,  tender-hearted  soul  who 
sold  her  own  carrin's  and  things  to  help  Columbus 
discover  us — jest  think  of  her,  for  what  she  wuz 
made  to  think  wuz  for  "  The  Greater  Glory  of 
God,"  she  give  her  consent  to  have  the  dretful  In 
quisition  established  in  Spain,  causin'  half  a  million 
of  Christians  to  be  tortured  and  put  to  death. 

Curous,  hain't  it,  what  actin'  and  behavin'  mortals 
will  take  on  themselves  to  do  in  the  name  of 
Religion  ! 

And  she,  so  sweet,  so  peaceable,  so  holy — rejoic- 
in'  not  in  Iniquity,  but  rejoicin'  in  the  Truth  ; 
forgivin'  her  enemies,  blessin'  'em  that  persecute 
her,  lovin'  all  men  and  wimmen,  blessin'  the  world. 

Queer,  hain't  it ! 

Wall,  from  San  Sebastian  we  went  to  Bruges 
and  put  up  at  a  hotel  built  in  honor  of  a  Emperor. 


CATHEDRALS   AND   CASTLES   IN   SPAIN.  637 


But  I  flruz  dissapinted  ;  a  hotel  in  honor  of  a 
tramp  ort  to  have  more  conveniences  and  smell 
sweeter.  But  I  got  a  chance  to  set  down  and  rest, 
anyway,  which  wuz  indeed  a  panaky  to  my  legs  and 
to  me. 

I'd  been  quite  rousted  up  about  comin'  to 
Bruges,  for  here  Cid  wuz  born,  as  I  told  Josiah. 

"  Syd  who  ?"  sez  he. 

"Why,  the  Cid,"  sez  I,  "who  led  the  armies 
aginst  the  Moors  and  freed  Spain." 

"Wall,"  sez  Josiah,  "  I  should  think  if  he  done 
all  that  it  would  look  better  for  you  not  to  nick 
name  him  and  call  him  Syd.  You  never  wuz  inti 
mate  with  Sydney,"  sez  he. 

Sez  I,  "That  hain't  his  name;  it  is  C-i-d,  Cid. 
Hain't  you  hearn  Thomas  J.  read  about  him-  —  all 
the  great  things  he  did,  and  how  after  he  wuz  dead 
he  rode  into  Bruges  clad  in  armor  ?  And  when  a 
Jew  approached  his  dead  body  to  offer  it  some  in 
sult  his  mailed  hand  come  up  and  knocked  him 
down." 

Sez  Josiah,  "  I  don't  approve  of  Syds  doin'  that 
anyway  —  I  should  go  aginst  it  ;  it  would  be  apt  to 
make  queer  funerals  if  sech  things  wuz  encouraged." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  I  don't  say  it  is  so,  but  I've 
hearn  tell  it  wuz." 

Anyway,  we  found  in  the  town-hall  his  bones  wuz 


638  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

nothin'  but  dust.  Josiah  kinder  sheered  away  from 
the  box  where  they  wuz  kep',  but  nothin'  took  place 
and  ensued. 

The  cathedral  is  a  sight — a  sight.  I  felt  a  good 
deal  as  I  stood  under  its  walls  as  a  ant  would  feel 
if  she  wuz  sot  down  under  Bunker  Hill  Monument. 
And  inside  the  buildin'  my  emotions  wuz  still  more 
various  and  lofty.  The  interior  is  exquisite,  grand 
beyend  any  idee  almost,  and  the  proportions  are  so 
perfect,  the  harmony  of  it  affects  one  a  good  deal  as 
the  most  melogious  music  would,  and  the  colorin'  is 
jest  as  perfect  as  the  architecture.  Take  it  all  in  all, 
it  is  a  sight — a  sight.  Even  Josiah  wuz  affected  by 
it ;  his  local  pride  wuz  lowered  imperceptibly,  and 
sez  he— 

"  I've  cracked  up  the  Jonesville  meetin'-house 
everywhere  I've  been,  and  it  is  a  comogious  struc 
ture,  but  this  goes  ahead  on't,  and  I  will  own  up 
that  it  duz." 

Martin  sed,  "  I'm  glad  I've  been  here  ;  a  good 
many  of  my  friends  have  spoken  of  it  to  me.  I  shall 
be  glad  to  say  that  I  have  studied  this  much-talked- 
of  cathedral  at  length." 

We  wuz  there  about  half  a.  hour. 

Al  Faizi  showed  in  his  ardent  face,  lifted  in  rev 
erence  and  admirin'  or,  jest  how  he  felt  about  it. 
The  lights  from  the  stained-glass  winder  gleamed 


CATHEDRALS   AND    CASTLES   IN    SPAIN.  639 

on't,  and  ftiade  it  look  almost  inspired.  He  nor  I 
didn't  seem  to  want  to  talk  much  about  it.  I  never 
do  when  I  see  Niagara.  No,  I'm  willin'  to  let  that 
do  the  talkin'  to  my  rapt  soul. 

It  wuz  so  here.  When  I  stood  in  these  cathedrals, 
the  grandeur  and  might  of  their  silent  oratory 
preached  to  me  so  loud  that  I  wuz  almost  over 
whelmed  and  by  the  side  of  myself,  and  carried  some 
distance  by  the  power  of  the  sperit  that  carried  out 
these  grand  results. 

But  anon,  when  I  got  outside,  other  emotions 
got  into  my  sperit  ;  they  come  in  onbid,  and  I  had 
to  use  'em  well. 

I  thought  how  on  great  days  the  congregation 
who  meet  here  would  worship  God  all  day  and 
wave  banners  and  anon  fire  cannons  in  honor  of 
some  saint  or  other,  and  then  end  up  with  a  bull- 
fight. 

Jest  as  if  Josiah  and  Deacon  Bobbett  should  pass 
the  Holy  Communion,  bread  and  \vine,  and  then 
withdraw  into  the  horse-shed,  and  have  a  dog  or 
rooster  fight. 

It  took  off  a  number  of  my  soarin'  emotions  to 
think  on't,  probble  as  many  as  80  or  85.  I  had 
had  over  a  hundred  right  along — I  know  I  had. 


CHAPTER   XXXIV. 

JOSIAH'S  DEVOTION. 

WALL,  another  day  we  went  to  see  the  Carthusian 

Monastery,  founded    four   hundred   years    ago    by 

Queen   Isabella — Christopher  Columbuses   Isabella 

—the  intimate  friend  of  America  (owin'  to  jewelry, 

discovery,  etc.). 

Josiah  and  I  thought  we  would  branch  out  this 
day  and  go  alone,  so  he  secured  the  gayest-lookin' 
rig  he  could  find,  drawed  by  three  mules  hitched 
side  by  side.  It  attracted  all  the  beggars  in  town, 
so  they  follered  us  as  a  dog  with  a  bone  is  follered 
by  other  dogs. 

But  Josiah  took  it  as  a  tribute  to  our  style,  and 
he  leaned  back  in  perfect  delight,  and  sez  he,  a-wav- 
in'  his  hand  with  a  kind  of  hauty  wave— 

44  Drive  by  Alameda  !" 

Come  to  find  out  the  reasons  he  gin  his  orders 
wuz  he'd  heard  Alameda  talked  about,  and  .he 
thought  she  wuz  a  woman,  and  mebby  a  American, 
and  he  wanted  to  show  off  before  her. 

But  it  wuzn't  a  woman.  It  wuz  a  pretty  park, 
and  we  driv  along  and  crost  the  river,  and  went 


JOSIAIl'S   DEVOTION.  641 

through  a*long  avenue  of  ellum  trees  each  side  on't, 
and  anon  we  found  ourselves  on  top  of  a  noble  hill 
in  front  of  a  Monastery. 

Here  we  rung  the  bell  at  a  gate  for  admission, 
and  a  small  grated  winder  wuz  opened  and  a  man's 
face  appeared  with  a  dark-colored  nightcap  on. 

He  asked  if  there  wuz  wimmen  in  the  party.  If 
there  wuz  we  couldn't  come  in. 

I  guess  he  wuz  fraxious,  bein'  waked  up  sudden. 
I  jedged  from  his  nightcap.  But  little  did  I  think 
it  would  have  sech  a  effect  on  my  pardner. 

He  could  not  at  first  comprehend  the  indignity 
offered  to  his  beloved  pardner.  But  the  driver  re 
peated  it ;  sez  he— 

"  The  Friar  says  you  can  come  in,  but  no  woman 
could  be  admitted." 

Then  I  see  the  power  of  cast-iron  devotion  made 
harder  by  the  hammers  of  Joy  and  Sorrer  a-ham- 
merin'  down  on  the  anvil  of  Time.  That  noble  but 
too  hasty  man  riz  right  up  in  the  vehicle  and  shook 
his  fist  at  the  man  with  the  nightcap,  and  hollered 
out— 

"  I'll  give  that  fryer  a  piece  of  my  mind  !"  and 
before  I  interfered  he  yelled  out : 

"  You  may  keep  right  on  with  your  fryin' ;  I 
won't  stir  a  step  inside  if  Samantha  can't  come  too. 
I'll  let  you  know  that  any  place  that's  too  good  for 


642  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

her  is  too  good  for  me.  Keep  right  on  with  your 
fryin',  your  bull  beef  will  probble  spile  if  it  hain't 
cooked  !" 

I  ketched  him  by  his  vest,  and  sez  I  :  "  Pause, 
Josiah  Allen.  He  hain't  a  cook  ;  it  is  a  F-r-i-a-r." 

"  How  do  you  spoze  I  care  how  you  spell  it? 
You  can  spell  their  bull-fights  b-o-u-1  if  you  want 
to  ;  that  don't  hender  'em  from  havin'  to  take  care 
of  their  fresh  beef.  Keep  right  on  a-fryin' !"  sez  he 
in  bitter  mockery.  "  My  Samantha  hain't  probble 
good  enough  to  see  a  little  beef  a-fryin' ;  but,"  sez 
he,  waxin'  eloquent,  as,  animated  by  the  power  of 
love,  he  stood  up  nobly  for  me— 

"You  can  fry  all  day  and  think  you  go  ahead  of 
any  woman,  and  be  too  proud  to  let  'em  see  you  at 
it ;  but  Samantha's  cookin'  is  as  fur  ahead  of  yours 
as  the  United  States  is  bigger  than  Spain.  And 
I'd  ruther  have  one  of  Samantha's  steaks  that  she 
cooks  than  all  the  beef  that  you  ever  killed  at  your 
dum  bull-fights.  And  don't  you  forgit  it !"  he  hol 
lered,  as  the  driver  drove  away  by  my  almost 
frenzied  directions. 

He  sunk  back  exhausted  on  his  seat  as  we  swep' 
on.  And  you  can  jedge  of  his  agitation  when  I 
say  that  he  threw  out  three  copper  cents  all  to 
one  time  to  the  swarm  of  ragged  beggars  that  run 
along  by  the  side  of  the  carriage.  He  threw  'em 


JOSIAH'S  DEVOTION.  643 

out  mek?mically,  and  as  if  he  didn't  know  what 
he  wuz  about.  Ah  !  the  insult  to  me  rankled  deep 
in  his  noble  but  small-sized  frame.  He  didn't  git 
over  it  all  that  night.  I  always  knew  he  loved  me 
deeply — I  knew  it  in  Jonesville,  and  I  knew  it  in 
Spain.  But  oh  !  how  touchin'  the  proof  wuz  that 
he  gin  to  me  as  his  voice  rung  out  in  the  vast, 
lonesome  bareness  of  our  chamber  in  Bruges, 
Spain,  as  he  lifted  his  hand  in  mockery,  and  cried 
out  : 

"  Keep  right  on  with  your  fryin' ;  you  won't  git 
me  to  eat  a  mou'ful  while  Samantha  is  hungry  !" 

Oh,  the  power  of  love  !  How  it  gilds  with  its 
rosy  rays  the  quiet  ways  of  Jonesville  !  How  it 
still  shone  on  and  shed  its  ambient  light  in  a 
foreign  land !  But  I  gently  hunched  him  and 
woke  him  up,  for  I  see  it  wuz  endin'  in  nightmair. 

I  wuz  too  overcome  by  a  deep  sense  of  his  no 
bility  of  sentiment  in  my  behaff  to  argy  with 
him  that  day.  I  felt  that  it  would  be  ongrateful 
in  me  ;  and  then,  agin,  I  felt  that  he  wuz  too  over 
come  by  the  greatness  of  his  emotions — I  knew 
his  frame  wuz  but  small,  and  his  devoted  affection 
and  his  righteous  anger  mighty.  I  dassent  add 
another  single  emotion  to  them  he  wuz  already 
a-carryin' — no,  I  dassent  venter.  But  I  talked 
soothin'ly  all  the  evenin',  and  said  not  a  upbraid- 


644  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

in'  word  when  his  nightmair  snorted  and  waked 
me  up  with  its  prancin'  huffs. 

No  ;  I,  too,  am  a  devoted  pardner,  and  know 
when  to  talk  and  when  to  keep  silence.  That  is 
a  great  nack  for  pardners  to  learn — one  of  the 
greatest  and  most  neccessary. 

But  the  next  mornin',  when  all  wuz  calm,  and 
a  not  knowin'  how  fur  his  emotions  might  lead 
him  agin  into  twittin'  them  Spaniards  about  their 
national  custom  of  bull-fights,  etc.,  and  fearin'  he 
might  git  into  serous  trouble  by  it  when  I  wuz 
not  near  to  soothe  and  assuage  the  ragin'  tumult,  I 
sez— 

"Josiah,  you  made  a  mistake  yesterday;  that 
man  in  the  nightcap  wuzn't  a-fryin'  the  beef  slaugh 
tered  in  their  bull-fights.  They  don't  eat  that ; 
why,"  sez  I,  "  sech  mad  beef  wouldn't  be  fit  to  eat 
—it  would  make  'em  sick." 

"Wall,  don't  they  look  sick?"  sez  he;  "a  little, 
under-sized,  sailer  set,  caused  almost  entirely,"  sez 
he,  "by  eatin'  that  beef." 

Wall,  I  see  that  I  couldn't  change  his  mind,  and 
I  sez— 

"  Wall,  anyway,  they're  about  the  politest  creeters 
I  ever  see,  and  how  soft  and  melogious  their  voices 
are  !  Their  words  seem  as  soft  as  velvet  and  silk." 

"  Yes,  sez  he  ;  "  if  they  wuz  a-goin'  to  spell  'cat ' 


JOSIAH'S  DEVOTION.  645 

or  '  dog,'  they  would  pronounce  it  c-a-t,  cattah,  or 
d-o-g,  doggah,"  sez  he.  "  I'm  kinder  sick  on't, 
but  most  probble  they  can't  help  it — it  is  caused 
by  their  diet ;  and,"  sez  he,  lookin'  wise— 

"  That  bull  beef  hain't  the  worst  on't.  Don't 
history  tell  of  that  Diet  of  Worms  that  they  wanted 
Martin  Luther  to  partake  on  and  he  wouldn't  ?" 

Sez  I,  "  Josiah,  that  wuz  the  name  of  the  meetin' 
he  wuz  dragged  before." 

Sez  he,  "  I  take  history  or  the  Bible  as  it  reads, 
and  I  know  I  have  read  a  sight  of  that  Diet  they 
couldn't  git  Martin  to  jine  in  with  'em  and  partake  of." 

Mekanically  I  disputed  him,  for  my  thoughts 
wuzn't  there.  No,  as  I  thought  on't,  the  form  of 
my  companion  a-tyin'  his  necktie  before  the  small 
lookin'-glass,  and  a-tryin'  to  edify  me,  faded  away, 
and  I  seemed  to  look  back  through  the  centuries 
and  see  that  brave  Monk  a-standin'  up  for  the  Holy 
Truth,  revealed  to  him  in  his  cloister,  as  it  has  been 
through  all  time  revealed  to  chosen,  prophetic  souls. 
I  seemed  to  see  the  angry-faced  assemblage  sur- 
roundin'  him.  The  cold,  gloomy  face  of  Charles 
V.,  King  of  Spain  and  Emperor  of  Germany, 
a-lookin'  frownin'ly  on  him  as  he  pleaded  for  liberty 
and  conscience.  And  I  seemed  to  hear  Luther's 
voice  say  the  words  that  have  echoed  down  through 
all  these  centuries  and  are  a-echoin'  still  : 


646  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

"  Here  I  take  my  stand,  I  cannot  do  otherwise. 
God  help  me  !" 

But  anon  the  voice  of  my  pardner  drawed  me 
back  down  the  long  aisle  of  the  years  wet  with 
blood,  black  with  the  Inquisition,  with  little  oases 
of  Peace  scattered  along,  shinin'  through  the  lurid 
battle  clouds. 

His  voice  rousted  me  as  it  sed,  "  Hain't  you 
never  goin'  to  git  that  nightcap  off,  Samantha  ? 
I'm  almost  starved  to  death,  though  what  I'm  goin' 
to  eat,  goodness  knows." 

And  as  I  hastily  took  off  my  nightcap  and 
wadded  up  my  back  hair,  he  resoomed— 

"  I  never  wux  any  case  to  eat  clear  pepper  and 
ginger  for  any  length  of  time,  or  allspice."  Sex  he, 
"  I  am  slowly  wastin'  away,  Samantha  ;  I'll  bet  I 
weigh  five  or  six  ounces  less  than  I  did  when  I  left 
home."  Sez  he,  pitifully,  "  It  seems  to  me,  Saman 
tha,  if  I  could  set  down  once  more  quiet  in  our 
own  home  and  eat  one  of  your  good  breakfusts,  I 
would  be  willin'  to  die." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  less  try  to  bear  up  and  lot  on 
gittin'  back  home  agin."  Sez  I,  "One  of  the 
noblest  fruits  of  travel,  Josiah,  is  the  longin'  it  gives 
us  to  be  back  home  agin  and  settle  down  and  rest." 

He  assented  with  a  deep  sithe,  and  at  my  request 
hooked  up  my  dress  skirt  in  the  back. 


JOSIAH'S  DEVOTION. 


647 


Wall,  knowin'  Martin's  pecular,  but,  as  I  found 
out  afterwards,  popular  idees  of  travel,  I  didn't  ex 
pect  to  remain  long  in  Spain  ;  but  we  did  stay  there 
several  days,  for,  as  Martin  sed,  after  comin'  so  fur 
he  wanted  to  make  a 
exhaustive  study  of  the 
country  ;  so  ive  stayed 
most  a  week. 

Wall,  so  far  as  ex 
haustion  wuz  concerned 
I  felt  that  we  wuz  hav- 
in'  a  success,  for  I  wuz 
as  tired  as  a  dog  from 
day  to  day,  and  tireder 
than  any  dogs  I  ever 
see  from  all  appearance. 

But  Martin  sed  that 
we  would  visit  Madrid 
before  we  left  the  coun 
try,  for  he  sed  that  he 
wouldn't  want  to  be 

asked  if  he  had  been  to  the  capital  of  Spain 
and  be  obliged  to  say  no.  Al  Faizi  spoke  of 
wantin'  to  see  the  Alhambra,  and  I  myself,  havin' 
been  introduced  to  it  by  Washington  Irving  and 
my  boy,  had  a  sort  of  a  longin'  to  explore  its 
wonders.  But  Martin  sed  that  he  had  studied  the 


AT   MY  REQUEST    HE    HOOKED    UP    MY    DRESS    SKIRT    IN   Tl 
BACK. 


648  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Alhambra  exhaustively  at  Chicago,  and  he  felt, 
seein'  he  had  got  all  the  information  that  could  be 
got  on  the  subject,  it  wuz  useless  to  prolong  our 
trip  by  goin'  there. 

Sez  he,  "If  there  was  anything  new  to  learn  I 
would  go,  for  it  is  my  way  to  go  to  the  very 
bottom  of  things  in  exploration  or  discovery  ;  but," 
sez  he,  "  I  spent  over  half  an  hour  in  the  Alhambra 
in  Chicago,  and  I  have  no  more  to  learn." 

I  had  been  in  that  place  myself,  and  had  got  lost, 
and  felt  like  a  fool  there.  I  remembered  well  how 
I  roamed  through  them  curous  labrinths,  and  had 
been  brought  up  standin'  in  front  of  myself  repeat 
edly,  and  had  bowed  to  myself  real  polite,  thinkin' 
that  I  recognized  some  familar  form  from  Jones- 
ville. 

And  there  it  wuz  myself,  in  one  of  them  count 
less  lookin'-glasses.  I  felt  cheaper  than  dirt. 

Sometimes  I  would  think  it  wuz  two  or  three 
somebody  elses,  and  I'd  wonder  how  so  many  other 
wimmen  could  look  so  much  like  me  as  these 
several  ones  did,  a-appearin'  right  up  in  front  and 
on  both  sides  of  me. 

Only  I  would  always  give  up  every  time  that 
there  didn't  none  on  'em  look  nigh  so  well  as  I  did. 
They  didn't  somehow  have  sech  a  noble  look  to 
'em,  and  their  clothes  didn't  hang  so  well  as  mine 


JOSIAH'S  DEVOTION.  649 

did,  and  their  bunnet  strings  wuz  more  rumpled  up, 
and  their  front  hair  wuzn't  so  smooth,  and  they 
looked  fur  more  tired  out  than  I  ever  looked,  and 
bewildered  like,  and  kinder  wan. 

Yes,  I'd  been  through  them  labrinths.  I  had 
enough  of  Moorish  palaces  by  the  time  I  got  out, 
a  plenty. 

And  if,  as  Martin  sed,  there  wuz  nothin'  more  to 
see  in  Grenada,  I  didn't  care  a  cent  to  go.  And  I 
thought  more'n  as  like  as  not  I  should  lose  Josiah 
in  a  labrinth — lose  him  for  good  and  all. 

So  I  gin  a  willin'  consent  to  proceed  onwards  to 
Madrid.  The  children  wuz  willin'  to  go  anywhere, 
and  so  wuz  Al  Faizi,  for,  as  he  sed  to  me  : 

"Truth  makes  her  home  in  all  lands.  I  seek 
the  light  of  her  face  under  every  sky." 

And,  poor  creeter  !  not  findin'  it  time  and  agin, 
I'm  afraid.  Though  in  our  long  talks  about  this 
country,  which  in  tryin'  to  stomp  out  Protestant 
ism,  had  stomped  out  her  own  life  ;  and  in  tryin'  to 
drownd  out  Religion  in  the  blood  of  her  saints, 
had  drownded  out  her  own  civilization  and  prog 
ress — 

Al  Faizi  and  I  talked  this  all  over,  but  took  com 
fort  in  thinkin',  after  all,  that  good  can  be  found  in 
every  country  by  them  that  seek  her  benine  face. 
We  took  sights  of  comfort  in  talkin'  back  and  forth 


650  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

about  the  Archbishop  of  Grenada,  and  his  self- 
sacrificin',  heroic  doin's  in  the  great  cholera  plague 
of  1885. 

No  Methodist  could  have  done  any  better  than 
he  did,  no  deacon  or  minister  or  anybody.  I  d'no 
as  John  Wesley  could  have  come  up  to  it. 

Wall,  as  I  sed,  I  felt  well  to  think  that  we  had 
saved  a  journey  to  Grenada,  though  I  had  kinder 
lotted  on  walkin'  under  the  Gate  of  Jestice  that  I 
knew  had  to  be  gone  through  to  visit  the  Alham- 
bra.  But  I  sort  o'  comforted  myself  by  the  thought 
that  mebby  it  wuz  only  a  name,  after  all. 

I  got  real  soothed  for  my  dissapintment  in  not 
walkin'  through  it  by  thinkin'  of  our  own  Halls  of 
Jestice,  and  a-meditatin'  that  Jestice  never  sot  her 
foot  in  'em  from  one  year's  end  to  the  other,  as  nigh 
as  I  could  find  out. 


CHAPTER  XXXV. 

THE  QUEEN,  ULALEY,  AND  A  BULL-FIGHT. 

WALL,  we  had  a  very  fatiguin'  journey,  durin' 
which  I  will  pass  over  the  sufferin's  of  my  pardner 
from  the  hot,  dry  climate,  the  ever-present  pangs  of 
hunger,  that  wuz  always  with  him,  and  the  fraxious- 
ness,  that,  alas !  always  overcomes  him  at  sech  tuck- 
erin'  times. 

I  will  draw  a  curtain  of  cretonne  over  the  inci 
dents  of  our  tegus,  tegus  journey,  and  only  draw  it 
back  agin,  on  its  hot,  dry,  brass  rings,  when  we  are 
once  more  settled  down  in  a  middlin'  good  tarvern 
at  Madrid — I  a-settin'  by  the  winder  and  Josiah 
a-layin'  on  the  bed  fast  asleep,  the  dressin'-gown 
folded  lovin'ly  round  his  small-boneded  figger. 

Martin  and  the  children  and  Al  Faizi  went  out  a 
good  deal  to  see  all  the  strange,  new  sights  of  the 
Spanish  capitol. 

But  I  took  considerable  comfort  a-settin'  still  in 
as  comfortable  a  chair  as  I  could  find,  a-lookin'  down 
on  the  Spaniards  and  their  kinder  queer-lookin' 
housen,  and  the  strange  costooms  and  ways  of 
another  country— 


652  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

The  tall,  hauty-lookin'  Dons  a-walkin'  along  as  if 
the  ground  wuzn't  quite  good  enough  for  'em  to  walk 
on,  and  the  dark-eyed  wimmen,  and  the  children,  and 
the  beggars,  and  the  splendid  carnages,  some  on 
'em  drawed  by  six  horses  apiece,  and  their  harnesses 
all  glitterin'  with  gold,  and  the  humbler  vehicles 
drawed  by  mules,  and  these  mules  trimmed  off  beau 
tiful,  too,  and,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

Wall,  it  wuz  on  the  third  day  after  we  arrov  in 
Madrid,  and  I  wuz  a-walkin'  in  the  Public  Garden 
with  little  Adrian  and  my  Josiah,  when,  on  turnin' 
the  corner  of  a  leafy  avenue,  who  should  I  see,  right 
face  to  face  a-comin'  towards  me,  but  my  intimate 
friend,  Ulaley. 

I  wuz  tickled  most  to  death.  It  is  always  happi- 
fyin'  in  a  strange  and  foreign  country  to  meet  any 
body  you're  intimate  with,  and  when  that  friend  is 
a  Infanty,  and  one  you've  advised  and  neighbored 
with,  your  happiness  is  still  greater. 

I  advanced  and  held  out  my  hand,  my  Josiah  and 
Adrian  a-bringin'  up  my  rear.  She  knowed  me  to 
once — a  happy  smile  curved  her  pretty  lips,  and  sez 
she— 

"  Madam,  I'm  pleased  to  meet  you.  I  remember 
seein'  you  in  your  own  country." 

"Yes,"  sez  I,  "we  met  in  Chicago,  111.,  and  had 
a  first-rate  visit  there."  Sez  I,  "  How  have  you 


THE    QUEEN,    ULALEY,    AND    A    BULL-FIGHT.         653 


been  ever-sence  I  see  you,  and  how  is  all  your  folks  ? 
How  is  Antonio  ?"  Sez  I,  "  Did  he  git  through  the 
winter  all  right  ?  Sickness  and  the  grip  has  been 
round  lots,  and  if  it  has  spared  our  two  pardners 
we  ort  to  be  thankful. 
And  that  makes  me 
think,"  sez  I,  "  let  me  in 
troduce  my  pardner,  Jo- 
siah  Allen. 

"Josiah,"  sez  I,  "this 
is  the  Infanty — Ulaley, 
you've  hearn  me  speak 
on." 

Josiah  made  his  best 
and  lowest  bow,  and 
murmured  sunthin'  about 
havin'  read  about  her  in 
the  World. 

"Yes,"  sez  I,  "and 
you've  hearn  me  talk 
about  her  a  sight." 

But  he  had  a  sort  of  a  obstinate  streak  come  over 
him,  sech  as  pardners  will  have  in  the  strangest  and 
most  onconvenient  times,  and  he  never  assented  to 
that  at  all,  but  sed  agin  that  he  had  read  about  her 
in  the  World. 

And  I  had  to  let  it  go.      Truly,  pardners,   though 


SHE    KNOWED    ME    TO     ONCE— A    HAPPY    SMILE    CURVED    HER 
PRETTY    LIPS. 


654  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

agreeable  at  times,  yet  how  clost  do  they  clip  off  the 
wings  of  your  pride  and  ambition  at  other  and  more 
various  times  ! 

Ulaley  see  it.  Wimmen  know  only  too  well 
how  often  sech  contrarytemps  occurs,  and  she 
helped  me  out,  as  I've  helped  many  a  woman  out 
of  the  mud-puddle  of  embarrassment  a  pardner's 
words  have  throwed  her  into. 

Sez  she,  "  I  have  such  warm  recollections  of  your 
country — it  is  so  great  a  country,"  sez  she. 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "  our  country  is  a  middlin'  big  one, 
but  I  thought  I  wouldn't  speak  of  the  size  on't  to 
you,  Ulaley,  thinkin'  that  you  might  think  mebby 
that  I'd  come  over  here  to  kinder  twit  you  of  the 
smallness  of  yourn."  And  wantin'  to  be  real  polite, 
sez  I— 

"The  value  of  anything  don't  always  depend  on 
its  size." 

"  No,  indeed  !"  sez  Josiah. 

He  wuz  alludin'  to  his  own  small  weight  by  the 
steelyards.  But  I  waved  off  his  speech — I  felt 
quite  cool  towards  him,  about  as  cool  as  rain-water, 
and  I  wouldn't  fall  in  with  his  hint  and  gin  him  my 
usual  compliment. 

Wall,  jest  as  the  Infanty  and  I  wuz  a-talkin'  back 
and  forth,  a  woman  and  a  little  boy,  who  had  been 
a-lingerin'  a  little  behind,  come  up,  and  I  see  in  a 


THE^QUEEN,    ULALEY,   AND   A   BULL-FIGHT.         655 

minute  wtio  they  wuz  ;  and  though  I'm  bashful  by 
nater — very,  yet  knowin'  that  I  had  the  honor  and 
politeness  of  my  own  country  and  Jonesville  to  up 
hold,  I  advanced  towards  her  in  a  very  admirin', 
respectful  way. 

Yes,  I  see  it  wuz  the  Queen  Regent  and  little 
Alfonso  himself.  I  wuz  tickled,  and  still  hampered, 
by  the  duties  that  devolved  onto  me,  but  above  all 
of  my  emotions  riz  the  thought  of  how  glad  I  wuz 
to  meet  'em,  and  how  glad  they  would  be  afterwards 
a-thinkin'  it  over  to  think  that  they  had  a  chance  to 
meet  me. 

Ulaley  didn't  make  no  move  to  introduce  us. 
And  I  see  in  a  minute  how  it  wuz.  There  wuz  the 
Queen  pardnerless  and  alone,  there  wuz  I  with  my 
livin'  pardner  ;  it  would  roust  up  too  many  sad 
memories  to  bring  us  all  closter  to  each  other. 

But  she'd  no  need  to  hesitated  on  that  account  ;  I 
could  have  told  the  Queen  that  though  a  pardner 
less  state  had  its  trials,  havin'  a  pardner  brings  afflic 
tions  also — Heaven  knows  it  duz  ! 

But  I  see  how  it  wuz,  and  havin'  the  sole  glory 
of  Jonesville  and  America  in  my  eyes,  I  advanced 
forwards  with  quite  a  lot  of  dignity  and  made  a 
deep  curchy. 

I  took  holt  of  each  side  of  my  brown  alpaca  dress 
and  held  out  the  skirt  a  very  little.  They  wuz 


656  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

good   curchys,   and    I   made  about  three  on  'em- 
two  to  the  Queen  Regent  and  one  to  Alfonso.      I 
thought   one  wuz  about  right  for  him,  considerin' 
his  age. 

I  then  advanced  and  held  out  my  hand,  and  sez 
I — "  I  am  glad  to  meet  you,  Julia,  and  tell  you  how 
well  I  think  on  you."  Sez  I,  "  A  young  woman  who 
has  done  as  well  as  you  have  with  what  you  have 
had  to  do  with  deserves  to  be  encouraged,  and  I'm 
glad  to  encourage  you." 

She  looked  awful  surprised  at  my  good  manners 
and  politeness ;  she  bowed  her  head  in  almost  dumb- 
founder,  as  I  could  see,  and  I  went  on— 

"  You've  had  a  hard  time  on't,  Julia — real  hard. 
It's  always  hard  to  leave  your  own  folks  when 
you're  married  and  go  and  live  with  his  folks,  and  I 
presoom  you've  had  days  when  you  thought  his 
folks  didn't  treat  you  well — it  is  nateral.  And  I 
presoom  he  cut  up  more  or  less — pardners  will. 
And  you,  fur  away  from  your  own  folks,  made 
the  cuttin'  up  and  actin'  seem  worse.  I  persoom 
you've  had  days  \vhen  you  would  have  willin'ly 
swapped  off  five  or  six  Spanish  palaces  for  one  free, 
onfettered  hour  beyend  the  Alps.  And  you  would 
have  willin'ly  swapped  the  most  flatterin'  words 
addressed  to  you  in  a  strange  tongue  to  listen  to 
the  swashin'  waves  of  the  blue  Danube,  the  ripplin' 


THE   QUEEN,    ULALEY,   AND   A   BULL-FIGHT.         657 

waves  that  J3eat  up  agin  the  shores  of  home — you 
had  a  real  hard  time. 

"  And  then,  to  cap  all,  your  pardner  wuz  took 

from  you,  before  even  the  catnip  wuz  put  to  steepin' 

—before  his  baby's  eyes  could  look  any  comfort 

into  yours.     Poor  creeter !  what  a  hard  time  on't 

you  did  have. 

"  But  when  the  baby  wuz  born,  he  brung  a  new 
life  to  you — you  see  your  dead-and-gone  pardner's 
first  tender  love  a-shinin'  through  the  little  face,  all 
the  passion  and  dross  and  dissapintment  of  a  pard 
ner's  love  filtered  through  the  divine  and  satisfyin' 
sweetness  of  a  child's  love. 

"  Oh,  he  has  made  life  and  Spain  different  things 
to  you,  and  you've  sprunted  up  and  done  well— 
you've  done  first  rate  !  You  are  a-bringin'  up  little 
Alfonso  jest  as  well  as  I  could,  and  I  d'no  but 
better,  for,  bein'  younger,  you  can  git  round 
spryer  and  find  out  new  things  to  teach  him.  His 
little  hands,  too,  have  drawed  you  and  Spain  nigher 
to  each  other  ;  you  think  as  much  agin  of  each 
other  as  you  ust  to,  and  I'm  glad  on't. 

"And  how  do  you  do?"  sez  I,  a-holdin'  out  my 
hand  to  little  Alfonso. 

Sez  I,  "Are  you  pretty  well,  Bub?" 

He  answered  real  pretty,  and  I  then  and  there 
introduced  little  Adrian  to  him,  and  I  sez — 


658  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPP:. 

"  I  wish  I  had  both  of  you  children  to  Jonesville 
for  a  month  in  strawberry  time  or  blackberry  time 
—it  would  do  you  both  lots  of  good."  And  I  sez 
to  his  ma— 

"  It  seems  to  me  he  looks  ruther  pimpin'  ;  have 
you  gin  him  any  smartweed  lately?"  Sez  I,  "A 
syrup  of  smartweed  and  catnip,  half  and  half, 
sweetened  with  honey,  would  set  him  right  up  agin, 
and  if  you'd  like  to  try  it,  I  will  write  and  have 
Philury  send  you  over  a  bundle  of  the  herbs." 

She  hesitated — I  see  she  felt  a  delicacy  about 
makin'  me  so  much  trouble. 

But  I  sez,  "  It  won't  be  no  trouble  at  all — we've 
got  more'n  a  floursack  full  up  in  the  woodhouse 
chamber." 

She  didn't  reply,  but  still  looked  sort  o'  wonderin' 
and  queer. 

And  I  sez — "  I  will  write  to-day  to  Philury  to 
send  you  a  paper  bag  full  of  the  herbs,  and  a  hand 
ful  of  spignut — that  is  dretful  good  for  a  cold,  if  he 
happens  to  git  one,  and  boys  will,  goin'  barefooted 
and  actin'."  Sez  I,  "  Pour  bilein' water  on  'em,  and 
let  'em  stand,  and  be  sure  the  water  biles." 

But  at  this  minute  their  carriage  driv  up — they'd 
been  a-walkin'  for  exercise,  I  guess.  And  though 
I  presoom  they  hated  to  leave  me — hated  to  like 
dogs,  they  had  to  tear  themselves  away. 


THE   QUEEN,    ULALEY,   AND   A   BULL-FIGHT.         659 

But  they  bowed  real  polite  to  me,  and  Ulaley 
held  out  her  hand  and  shook  hands.  The  Queen 
wuz  busy  with  the  little  boy,  but  they  both  bowed 
real  polite  after  they  got  into  the  carriage.  And 
then  they  driv  off. 

The  carriage  wuzn't  nigh  so  showy  as  some  we 
see,  and  the  Queen  Regent  wuz  dressed  real  plain. 

I  believe  she's  a  real  likely  woman,  and  if  any 
thing  happens  to  her,  and  she  should  lose  her  prop 
erty,  I'd  love  to  have  her  come  and  settle  down  in 
Jonesville — I'd  love  to  neighbor  with  her  first  rate. 

But  I  truly  hope  she  won't  never  have  to  make 
the  move — I  hope  the  little  King  will  have  his  Pa's 
good  nater,  and  his  Ma's  good  sense  and  Christian 
sperit,  and  that  Spain  and  he-  won't  have  no  fallin' 
out,  but  do  well  by  each  other. 

Wall,  Martin  and  Alice  went  to  a  bull-fight.  I 
waved  off  coldly  Martin's  request  to  accompany  and 
go  with  'em,  though  Josiah  wuz,  for  a  minute, 
rampant  to  go. 

But  I  didn't  encourage  him  in  it. 

He  sez  it  would  be  sunthin'  to  talk  over  with  Ury 
and  Deacon  Bobbett  when  I  got  home. 

This  wuz  his  best  argument,  and  I  sez,  "  If  I 
couldn't  talk  over  anything  but  this  I  wouldn't 
talk  at  all.  The  idee,"  sez  I,  "of  human  bein's 
with  hearts  in  their  bosoms  a-settin'  to  see  a  wild 


660  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

animal  kill  a  human  bein',  and  visey  versey."  Sez 
I,  "  If  I  should  see  it  goin'  on  I  should  be  so 
shamed  on't  that  I  shouldn't  want  to  speak  agin  at 
all  for  some  time." 

But  sez  Josiah,  "  It's  a  national  recreation  ;  it's 
fascinatin'  ;  probble  you'd  like  it." 

"  Mebby,"  sez  I  ;  "  mebby  my  heart  would  git  so 
hard  that  I  could  enjoy  it — I,  that  in  days  of  pig 
and  beef  killin'  have  always  run  into  the  parlor  bed 
room  and  put  my  fingers  in  my  ears  to  escape  the 
sounds  of  agony  the  poor  brutes  make."  Sez  I, 
"  Spozen  if  in  them  days  I  should  invite  the  minister 
and  his  folks  and  the  Jonesvillians,  and  have  high 
seats  built  up  aginst  the  side  of  the  barn,  and  let 
'em  witness  the  gory  spectacle  ?" 

Josiah  sot  a  minute  in  deep  thought.  "  Wall," 
sez  he,  "  I'll  be  hanged  if  it  wouldn't  be  stylish. 
You  could  drape  some  turkey-red  calico  over  the 
top,  kinder  canopy  style,  and  I  and  Ury  could  dress 
like  them  Spanish  Matadors  with  knee-breeches  and 
a  long  sash,  and  some  feathers  in  our  hats." 

Sez  he,  growin'  enthused  with  the  new  idee, 
"We  could  use  our  winter  scarfs — they're  very  gay 
colored  ;  and  I  could  take  that  long  feather  out  of 
your  winter  bunnet,  and  have  it  hang  down  grace 
fully  over  my  left  shoulder,  and  I  guess  Tirzah  Ann 
would  lend  me  a  couple  to  stand  up  in  front.  I 


THE   QUEEN,    ULALEY,   AND   A   BULL-FIGHT.         66l 


declare,  1t  would   be   sunthin'  new  and   uneek,  and 

we'll  have  it  next  fall." 

I  glared  at  him  with   a   stuny   look,  and  sez    I— 

"  And    while    you're    all   dressed    up    and 

enjoyin'  yourself,  what    of  the  poor  dumb 

brutes  who   are   made   to  suffer  the  agony 

of  death?"     Sez    I,  "What   happiness 

could  come  to  you  built  up  on  a  cus 
tom   of   pain   and   sufferin',   bloodshed 

and    terrer  ?     Let    me   hear   no    more 

about  sech  a  seen." 

"  But,"    sez    he,     "it    would    make 

talk ;    it   would    be    the    topic    in    all 

the  genteel  circles  of  Jonesville  and 

Loontown." 

"  If  you  should  brain  me  with  a 

tommyhawk   it  would    make    talk," 

sez  I. 

"  The  idee  of  your  follerin'  sech  a 

custom   as   this.      I  scorn  and   despise   sech    doin's, 

and   I    don't    see  what  a  nation   can  be  thinkin'  on 
to  allow  it  to  go  on." 

Al  Faizi  writ  down  quite  a 
lot  in  that  book  of  hisen  about 
the  bull-fightin',  and  he  seemed 
to  be  lookin'  for  a  peticular  page 
to  jot  down  his  notes. 


THE    MATADOR. 


662  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

And  Josiah  sez  (he  hain't  no  scruples  about 
questionin'  the  noble  heathen),  sez  he,  "  What  are 
you  lookin'  for,  Fazer  ?" 

He  sez  calmly,  "  I  am  looking  for  the  page 
where  I  wrote  down  the  doings  of  John  Sullivan 
and  other  American  prize-fighters.  I  wish  to  put 
public  exhibitions  of  this  nature  together." 

His  tone  wuz  as  calm  and  serene  as  a  cool  after 
noon  in  June.  He  hadn't  a  shade  of  sarcasm  or 
irony  in  his  axent ;  no,  he  simply  grouped  similar 
occurrences  together. 

And  where  wuz  my  feathers  that  had  stood  up 
hautily  on  my  foretop  as  I  condemned  another 
country's  doin's  and  cuttin's  up  ?  Where  wuz 
they  ?  They  wuz  droopin'  and  hangin'  down  limp 
on  my  foretop  as  I  sot  and  meditated  how  we  in 
America  allowed  prize-fighters  to  knock  and 
bruise  and  maim  each  other  in  public  for  the  de 
light  of  the  throngin'  multitude.  Then  fill  hull 
sides  of  our  American  newspapers  with  minute  de 
tails  of  their  punchin'  and  knockin'  down  and  actin', 
for  the  eyes  of  our  youth  to  peruse  and  emulate. 
Deeds  of  religion  and  science  and  philanthropy  all 
pushed  into  the  background,  amongst  the  adver 
tisements,  while  the  papers  were  flooded  with  the 
deeds  of  men  fighters  and  men  killers. 

The  idee  !     What  wuz  I,  to  talk  about  the  doin's 


THE   QUEEN,    ULALEY,   AND   A   BULL-FIGHT.        663 

of  Spaip  or  the  doin's  of  a  Josiah,  and  look  down 
on  'em  ?  Truly,  folks  who  live  in  glass  housen 
mustn't  throw  stuns ;  how  many,  many  times  I 
realized  this  deep  truth  when  I  witnessed  doin's  I 
didn't  like  in  foreign  countries ! 


CHAPTER   XXXVI. 

A    SPANISH    FUNERAL    AND    A    JONESVILLE    ONE. 

WHILE  we  wuz  in  Madrid  we  felt  that  we  ort  to 
anyway  visit  the  Escuriel,  that  immense  palace  and 
monastery  built  by  Philip  II.  He  got  skairt, 
so  I  wuz  told,  and  made  a  vow  to  St.  Lawrence  (it 
wuz  on  that  saint's  day)  that  if  Lawrence  would 
help  him  git  the  victory,  he  would  build  a  monas 
tery  and  name  it  after  him.  So  havin'  won  the 
victory,  he  did  as  he  agreed.  He  built  this  im 
mense  structure  ;  it  took  him  twenty-one  years  to 
do  it.  Out  of  compliment  to  Lawrence,  who  per 
ished  on  a  gridiron,  it  wuz  built  in  that  form. 

I  hearn  Josiah  a-explainin'  it  that  day.  Sez  he, 
"  It  wuz  built  in  the  form  of  a  gridiron  because 
that  is  the  best  way  of  cookin'  beef."  Sez  he, 
"  After  their  bull-fights  they  have  immense  quanti 
ties  of  beef,  so  this  takes  its  shape  from  that 
national  characterestick." 

But  it  hain't  no  sech  thing — he  gits  things  wrong. 

Wall,  it  wouldn't  took  us  but  a  little  while  to  git 
to  the  Escuriel  if  the  train  had  sprunted  up  and 
gone  as  fast  as  an  American  hand-car. 


A   SPANISH    FUNERAL   AND   A  JONESVILLE   ONE.    665 

But  we^crept  along  so  slow  that  it  took  us  three 
hours.  Before  we  got  there  we  see  the  buildin' 
loomin'  up  so  vast,  so  gloomy,  that  it  looked  like  a 
mountain  itself — a  low,  big  mountain  without  much 
of  a  peak  to  it. 

We  had  to  approach  it  with  some  dignity,  it 
bein'  a  royal  palace,  so  we  got  into  a  big  covered 
omnibus,  drawed  by  four  mules  and  two  horses. 
Though  what  peticular  dignity  there  is  in  a  mule 
I  never  see  before,  unless  it  is  in  their  ears.  But  we 
got  there  all  right,  the  driver  a-yellin'  and  whippin' 
the  mules  as  if  he  wuz  crazy.  If  you  want  beauty, 
you  won't  git  it  in  the  Escuriel,  but  if  you  want 
size,  there  you  are  suited.  It  takes  up  as  much 
room  as  one  of  the  pyramids  ;  it  has  two  thousand 
rooms  in  it  and  five  thousand  winders,  and  the  win 
ders  wuzn't  very  thick  together,  neither. 

There  is  a  big  meetin'-house  in  it,  a  palace  and  a 
monastery  and  a  Pantheon,  where  the  dead  kings 
and  mothers  of  kings  sleep  and  forgit  the  trouble 
some  days  \vhen  they  sot  on  thrones,  and  worried 
about  their  children  who  wuz  settin'. 

This  meetin'-house  is  grand  and  imposin'  ;  you 
can  look  down  inside  a  long,  clear  space  of  four 
hundred  feet.  Then  there  is  a  library,  one  of  the 
finest  in  Spain,  and  picters  that  are  dretful  impres 
sive  in  number  and  beauty.  We  wanted  to  see  the 


666 


SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 


private  room  of  Philip  II.,  and  so  we  wuz  led  up 
grand  staircases  and  through  apartment  after  apart 
ment  hung  with  the  costliest  tapestry. 

And  havin'  seen  sech  glory  on  the  outside,   what 
did  we  imagine  must  be  the*  splendor  of  the  inner 
room,  sacred  to  his  majesty,   where   he   sat  alone 
and  sent  out  orders  that  ruled   half 
or  three  quarters  of  the  world. 

Wall,  I  d'no  as  you'll  believe  me 
when  I  say  the  floor  wuz  brick — not 
even  a  strip  of  rag  carpet  on't,  sech 
as  I  spread  down  often  in  my  back 
kitchen. 

Poor  creeter  !  I'd  gin  him  a 
breadth  of  my  best  hit-or-miss  carpet 
in  welcome  if  I'd  lived  in  his  day, 
and  known  how  cold  his  feet  must 
have  been  as  he  stepped  out  of  bed 
How  COLD  HIS  FEET  MUST  HAVE  BEEN  cold  morniii's  onto  that  hard  brick 

floor. 

And  there  wuzn't  a  picter  on  the  walls — not 
one,  only  a  picter  of  the  Virgin. 

I'd  a-gin  him  one  of  my  chromos  in  welcome.  I 
had  two  thro  wed  in  at  Jonesville  with  the  last 
chocolate  calico  dress  I  bought. 

He  should  have  had  one  on  'em,  and  I'd  a-gin 
'em  both  to  him  if  it  would  a-rnade  that  gloomy, 


COLD  MORNIN'S. 


A    SPANISH    FUNERAL   AND    A   JONESVILLE   ONE.    667 

mysterious^creeter  any  happier ;  and  most  probble 
they  would  have  had  their  influence — they  wuz 
very  bright  colored. 

One  hard  wood  chair  and  two  stools  wuz  the 
only  settin'  accommodations  he  had.  I'd  made  him 
a  barrell  chair,  if  I'd  been  there  ;  if  he'd  wanted  to  go 
in  for  cheapness,  that  would  have  suited  him.  Saw 
a  seat  out  of  an  old  salt  barrell  and  cushion  it  with 
a  old  bed-quilt  and  cover  it  with  cretonne. 

He  could  a-sot  easy  in  it.  Poor  creeter !  it 
made  me  feel  bad  to  think  he  always  sot  on  that 
hard  board  chair — not  a  sign  of  a  cushion  in  it. 
I  could  have  made  a  good  cushion  for  it  anyway 
out  of  hens'  feathers.  And  mebby  he  wouldn't 
been  so  hard  on  the  nations  if  he'd  sot  easier — it 
makes  a  sight  of  difference.  Josiah  wuz  as  hard 
agin  on  Ury  when  he  had  a  bile  on  his  back, 
and  couldn't  set  easy.  I  didn't  know  but  Ury 
would  leave. 

Wall,  Philip  lived  here  fourteen  years,  and 
when  he  come  to  die,  he  died  hard,  so  they 
say.  Mebby  the  oceans  of  blood  he  had  caused 
to  be  shed  kinder  swashed  up  aginst  his  con 
science  ;  if  it  did,  I  hope  the  prayers  he  had  knelt 
on  the  hard  floor  and  prayed  all  night  long  sort  o' 
lifted  him  up  some. 

Queer    creeter !  strange  and    mysterious  doin's  ! 


668  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

A-prayin'  and  a-fastin'  and  a-killin',  a-prayin'  and 
a-killin'  and  a-fastin'  !  I  am  glad  I  hain't  got  to 
straighten  out  the  dark  and  tangled  skein  of  his 
life  and  git  the  threads  a-runnin'  even,  and  sort  out 
the  black  threads  and  the  lighter  ones  and  count 
'em. 

No,  it  takes  a  bigger  hand  than  mine  to  hold 
'em,  and  a  eye  that  looks  deeper  into  the  soul  of 
things. 

Wall,  when  he  wuz  dead  at  last  they  laid  him  in 
the  Pantheon.  We  visited  the  spot.  We  went 
down  first  into  the  big,  eight-sided  room,  a  sort  of 
annex,  where  princes  and  princesses  lay,  and  then 
we  went  down  a  long  flight  of  steps  with  walls  of 
jasper,  into  the  room  where  kings  and  queens  lay 
asleep. 

This  is  a  smaller  room,  but  eight-sided,  like  the 
other.  The  dead  lay  in  black  marble  coffins,  piled 
up  on  top  of  the  other,  the  kings  to  the  right,  the 
queens  to  the  left.  Wimmen  have  to  take  the 
second-best  place  even  down  there  in  the  grave, 
but  then  they  wuz  in  a  condition  where  they 
couldn't  argy  about  it,  and  where  it  wouldn't  hurt 
their  feelin's. 

It  must  have  been  a  sight  to  see  a  king  buried. 
No  funeral  in  Jonesville  ever  approached  it  in 
solemnity  or  mystery. 


A   SPANISH   FUNERAL   AND   A   JONESVILLE    ONE.     669 

You  knuw  they  don't  give  up  that  a  king  is 
dead  till  they  go  through  with  certain  performances, 
but  they  treat  the  dead  body  with  all  the  honor  that 
they  would  give  the  livin'  monarch.  When  the 
procession  gits  up  to  the  door,  the  ne\v-comer  has 
to  be  announced. 

A  voice  sez,  "Who  would  enter  here?" 

They  reply,  "  King  Philip." 

Then  the  door  is  thrown  open,  and  all  the  long, 
illustrious  procession  of  the  noblest  in  the  land  en 
ter,  and  they  lay  the  body  of  the  king  on  a  table, 
for  he  has  got  to  give  his  own  consent,  as  it  were, 
before  they  will  admit  that  he  is  dead — silence  gives 
consent,  they  say. 

So  after  all  are  gone  the  Lord  Chamberlain  lifts 
the  heavey,  gold-embroidered  pall,  and  kneelin' 
down  by  the  side  of  his  royal  master,  looks  long  in 
his  face  to  see  if  he  recognizes  him.  But  he  don't. 
He  lays  cold  and  still  as  marble. 

Then  he  cries,  "  Senor  !  Senor  !  Senor  !"  and 
waits  for  a  reply.  But  as  no  answer  comes,  he  sez — 

"  His  Majesty  does  not  answer  !  then  indeed  the 
king  is  dead  !" 

So  he  takes  the  wand  of  office — the  septer,  I 
spoze — and  breaks  it  over  the  coffin  in  token  of  a 
power  that  has  ceased  to  be.  Then  he  locks  the 
marble  coffin,  hands  the  key  to  the  Prior  of  the 


6/0  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

Monastery,  and  they  go  up  the  long  steps  and  leave 
the  king  to  sleep  with  his  own  folks. 

It  must  have  been  a  sight  to  see  it  go  on. 

Why,  a  mourner  who  undertook  sech  doin's  in 
Jonesville  or  Loon  town  would  find  himself  lugged 
off  to  the  loonatick  asylum,  or  have  threats  on't. 
But  the  ways  of  countries  differ — I  didn't  make  any 
moves  to  break  it  up.  I  am  very  liberal  minded, 
and  then  I  meditated  that  it  wuzn't  my  funeral. 

What  made  me  say  that  a  mourner  in  Jonesville 
couldn't  do  sech  a  thing  wuz  owin'  to  a  incident 
that  came  under  my  own  observation. 

A  man  that  lived  in  the  outskirts  of  Jonesville, 
havin'  moved  down  there  from  Zoar,  got  it  into  his 
head  that  he  wuz  goin'  to  die  on  a  certain  day  at 
two  o'clock  in  the  afternoon. 

So  what  should  that  creeter  do  but  write  his  own 
funeral  sermon,  and  gin  out  the  word  that  he  would 
preach  it  at  one  o'clock  sharp.  Because  he  wuz  to 
die  at  two  precisely. 

He  got  his  coffin  made,  his  wife  got  her  mournin' 
clothes  all  done,  for  he  wuz  so  dead  sure  of  the  re 
sult  that  he  had  converted  her  to  his  belief.  So  at 
one  o'clock  exactly  the  crowd  gathered  to  see  the 
corpse,  as  you  may  say,  preach  its  own  funeral 
sermon. 

The  coffin  wuz  in  the  parlor,  the  mourners  come 


A   SPANISH   FUNERAL  AND   A   JONESVILLE   ONE.      671 

down  from*  upstairs,  some  on  'em  weepin'  bitterly, 
and  headed  by  the  body,  dressed  in  its  shroud,  bearin' 
its  own  funeral  sermon. 

The  mourners  wuz  arranged  in  orderly  rows  round 
the  room  (he  wuz  wide  connected),  and  the  body 
stood  by  the  head  of  the  coffin  and  preached  a  long 
sermon. 

He  touched  on  the  sins  of  his  hearers,  and  of 
course  they  couldn't  resent  it  in  him,  bein'  a  corpse's 
last  thoughts,  as  you  may  say. 

He  bore  down  hard  on  'em,  specially  his  rela 
tions — the  more  distant  ones,  cousins  and  sech, 
and  kinder  rubbed  up  his  bretheren  and  sistern 
some. 

But  to  his  wife  he  spoke  words  of  tenderness,  and 
in  a  touchin'  and  fervent  manner  spoke  of  what  she 
had  lost.  He  praised  himself  up  to  the  highest 
notch,  and  his  wife  sobbed  out  loud,  and  she  had  to 
be  fanned  on  both  sides  by  a  circuit  minister  and 
his  wife,  who  wuz  present ;  and  she  sed  to  'em  that 
she  had  never  mistrusted  before  what  a  prize  she 
had  in  her  pardner. 

He  then  warned  his  children  to  grow  up  as  nigh 
like  their  father  as  they  could  conveniently,  and  he 
got  'em  to  sniffin'  and  wipin'  their  noses.  He  then 
addressed  the  community,  tellin'  'em  of  their  sinful 
ways,  and  exhorted  'em  to  turn  round  and  do  better, 


6/2  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

and  sed  to  'em  a  few  words  of  consolation  about  the 
great  blessin'  they  had  lost. 

And  then  he  folded  his  shroud  around  him  with 
one  hand,  and  with  quite  a  lot  of  dignity  he  stepped 
up  into  a  chair,  and  so  into  his  coffin.  Then  he  laid 
down,  arranged  the  folds  of  his  shroud  and  crossed 
his  hands  on  his  bosom  and  shet  his  eyes  up.  As 
he  did  so  the  clock  struck  two.  He  laid  a  minute, 
while  a  dumbfoundered  look  swep'  over  his  lini 
ment,  and  anon  a  sheepish  one.  And  then  he 
lifted  up  his  head  and  looked  round,  and  sez  he — 

"There  must  be  some  mistake." 

And  one  of  the  cousins,  one  he  had  rasped  down 
the  hardest  (they  wuz  at  swords'  pints  anyway, 
caused  by  line  fences),  he  hollered  out — 

"  Yes,  I  should  think  there  wuz,  you  dum  fool  you  ! 
gittin'  us  all  here  right  in  hayin'  time  to  hear  your 
dum  funeral  sermon." 

And  another  one  he  had  reviled  yelled  out— 

"Why  didn't  you  do  as  you  agreed,  you  con- 
sarned  loonatick,  you !" 

And  still  another  cried — "  We'll  have  the  law  on 
you  for  this  !  You  agreed  to  die,  and  we  all  got 
together  for  that  purpose,  and  we'll  see  if  we're  goin' 
to  be  bamboozled  and  fooled  in  this  way.  It  is  all 
a  contrived  plan  to  abuse  us  and  make  fun  on  us. 
But  I'll  see  if  I  can't  make  you  sick  of  sech  dum 


A   SPANISH    FUNERAL   AND   A  JONESVILLE   ONE.     673 

nonsense,"  £ez  he.  And  he  rushed  for  the  live 
body  with  sech  vengeance  in  his  eyes  and  a  wooden 
stool  in  his  hand  that  the  body's  wife  precipitated 
herself  onto  the  coffin,  and  sez  she— 

"  I  will  perish  with  this  noble  man,  if  die  he  must" 
(you  see  he'd  worked  her  all  up  about  his  worth). 

Wall,  suffice  it  to  say,  the  cousin  wuz  overmas 
tered,  and  etiket  prevailed,  and  decorum  wuz  estab 
lished,  and  the  crowd  dispersed,  leavin'  him  still  in 
his  coffin,  for  he  sed  he  wuz  tired,  and  would  lay 
there  for  a  spell. 

I  believe  he  wuz  'fraid  to  git  out.  It  kinder  pro 
tected  his  lims  and  body.  But  then  mebby  he  told 
the  truth  ;  the  sermon  wuz  a  powerful  one,  and  de 
livered  loud — it  must  have  used  up  considerable 
wind. 

Wall,  they  talked  hard  of  sendin'  Jake  Bilhorn  to 
the  asylum.  He  escaped  it  jest  by  the  skin  of  his 
teeth,  as  the  sayin'  is.  His  wife  testified  to  the  last 
minute  that  his  mind  wuz  weak,  and  he  couldn't 
help  it.  But  she  would  watch  him,  she  sed,  and 
take  care  on  him.  So  it  wuz  agreed  that  he  should 
be  let  off  on  the  Idiot  Act,  and  she  promised  to  let 
him  go  to  the  loonatick  asylum  if  he  ever  tried  to  git 
up  any  sech  performance  agin. 

But  I  am  a-eppisodin',  and  a-eppisodin'  too  fur, 
too  fur. 


CHAPTER    XXXVII. 

AL    P^AIZI    SAYS    GOOD-BYE. 

WALL,  the  very  next  day,  follerin'  and  ensuin'  after 
our  visit  to  the  Escuriel,  Martin  gin  orders  for  the 
march. 

We  wuz  to  git  back  to  London  at  the  rapidest 
rate  possible,  and  from  thence  embark  for  home. 

Home  !  sweet  sound  !  No  word  ever  did,  or  ever 
can,  sound  so  sweet  as  that  word  "  home"  duz  hearn 
on  a  foreign  shore.  And  though  the  journey  seemed 
long  and  perilous  and  full  of  fatigue  and  danger, 
yet  Josiah  and  I  hearn  it  with  joy. 

So  after  a  journey  that  seems,  to  look  back  on't, 
like  a  confused  dream  of  wronderful  sights,  and 
strange  ones,  rumatiz,  car  whistles,  big  hotels,  cold 
beds,  dyspeptic  food,  groans,  sithes,  beautiful  views 
seen  from  fly  in'  trains,  talk  in  a  strange  language 
goin'  on  round  me,  murmured  words  from  a  pardner, 
better  left  onsaid,  dreams  of  home  sot  in  a  frame  of 
foreign  scenery,  tired  eyes  and  lims,  dizzy  flyin' 
through  space,  headache,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  after  this 
dream  we  found  ourselves  in  London. 

We  parted  with  Al  Faizi  in  London.     It  wuz  on 


AL   FAIZI    SAYS   GOOD-BYE. 


675 


the  eve  of  our  departure.  Our  tickets  reposed  in 
Martin's  vest-pocket,  so  I  spoze,  and  our  ship  wuz 
to  sail  on  the  morrer. 

The  lamps  wuz  lit  in  our  room,  and  their  meller 
glow  lit  up  the  form  of  my  companion,  clad  in 
his  dressin'-gown  and  lay- 
in'  outstretched  on  the 
couch. 

I  myself  wuz  a-rubbin' 
my  spectacles  with  sham 
my-skin. 

I  see  the  minute  that 
Al  Faizi  come  in  that  he 
looked  sort  o'  agitated 
and  riz  up  like.  And 
anon  I  understood  the 
reason — he  had  come  to 
bid  us  good-bye. 

I  felt  mean — mean  as 
a  dog.  I  hated  to  have 
him  go,  though  Common 
Sense  told  me,  and,  of 
course,  I  didn't  spoze  that  I  could  in  the  common 
nater  of  things  lug  round  a  heathen  with  me  every 
where  I  went  all  my  life  ;  but  still  I  felt  bad. 

After  the     first     compliments    wuz    spoke,   and 
he  told    us  that  he  wuz    a-goin',  and  we  told  him 


I    GO    BACK    TO    MY    OWN    COUNTRY — I    HAVE    MANY    THIN 
TO    TEACH    MY    PEOPLE — TO    AVOID." 


676  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

that  we  hated  to  have  him  go,  and,  etc.,  he 
sez  : 

"  I  have  sought  for  the  ways  of  love  and  truth 
all  through  these  Western  lands — and  now— 

He  paused,  and  only  his  dark,  sad  eyes  spoke 
for  quite  a  spell.  Finally  I  sez  : 

"  And  now  ?" 

"  I  go  back  to  my  own  country — I  have  many 
things  to  teach  my  people." 

"Then  you  have  learnt  some  good  things  in  my 
country  and  on  our  tower  ?"  sez  I,  glad  and  proud 
to  hear  him  say  so. 

But  his  soft  voice  resoomed — "  I  have  to  teach 
them  many  things — to  avoid." 

I  felt  deprested  agin.  "  But,"  sez  I,  wantin'  to 
git  some  closter  view  of  his  mind — wantin'  to  like 
a  dog,  for  I  hadn't  had,  I  can  truly  say,  any  more 
clear  view  on't  than  if  we  had  lived  some  milds 
apart,  sez  I,  "you  must  have  seen  some  things  in 
this  land  worthy  your  approvin'  of — these  lofty 
cathedrals  built  to  the  honor  of  the  Lord.  To 
be  sure,"  sez  I,  "the  poor  are  a-flockin'  round  'em 
like  a  herd  of  freezin'  and  starvin'  animals.  But 
look  at  the  free  schools  and  the  great  charities, 
mighty  and  fur  reachin'  in  their  influence." 

"  Yes,"  sez  Al  Faizi,  "  I  have  seen  some  things  in 
your  land  that  I  will  teach  them  to  do,  I  have 


AL   FAIZI    SAYS   GOOD-BYE.  6/7 

seen  sweft  chanties — the  sick  and  unfortunate 
cared  for ;  great  free  schools ;  crowds  of  little 
children  helped  to  better  lives." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "  a  great  many  rich  men  and 
wimmen  give  their  money  like  water  to  help  the 
poor  and  unfortunate.  To  be  sure,"  sez  I,  "  the 
poverty  and  the  crime  is  caused,  most  of  it,  by  our 
selves,  and  Uncle  Sam  bein'  so  sot  on  that  license 
business  of  hisen."  Sez  I,  "We  cause  the  evils  we 
relieve  in  a  great  measure — but  then— 

I  see  that  Al  Faizi  wuz  a-lookin'  at  me  with  that 
same  calm,  sweet  smile,  and  I'll  be  hanged  if  it 
seemed  as  if  I  could  go  on  a-drivin'  them  metafors 
right  in  front  of  it.  It  made  me  feel  curous  as  a 
dog,  and  curouser  to  think  on't. 

There  it  wuz,  he  a-settin'  right  by  me,  and  I 
couldn't  git  a  full,  clear  view  of  what  wuz  a-goin'  on 
in  his  mind,  his  idees  and  emotions,  no  more'n 
I  can  see  the  high  trees  in  our  orchard  in  a  heavey 
snow-storm. 

I  spoze  I  showed  my  deep  chagrin  in  my  face,  for 
he  hastened  to  add : 

"  Everywhere  I  see  strivings  after  the  Good — the 
Perfect  Life.  The  nations  are  feeling  after  God. 
But  I  see  His  truth  covered  up  by  a  network  of 
man-made  lies ;  and  shadows  of  darkness,  cast  from 
human  comprehension,  veil  and  shadow  the  sweet, 


678  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

just  face  of  the  Good.  But  evermore  my  heart 
burns  within  me,  and  I  long  for  the  perfect  way." 

Right  here  my  Josiah  spoke  up  in  this  unappropos 
moment,  and  sez  : 

"  I  hate  to  say  good-bye,  Fazer,  but  if  you  ever 
come  up  our  way  from  Hindoostan,  or  Egypt,  or 
Africa,  or  wherever  you  are  a-stayin',  you  must  be 
sure  to  stop  and  stay  overnight  with  us." 

Adrian  come  in  at  that  minute,  and  when  I  told 
him  that  Al  Faizi  was  a-biddin'  us  good-bye,  and 
wuz  a-goin'  away,  he  put  both  arms  around  his  neck 
and  nestled  his  head  aginst  him.  Al  Faizi  pressed 
him  clost  to  his  heart  and  bent  his  head  low  over 
him,  and  when  he  let  him  go,  sunthin'  bright  shone 
amongst  the  curls  and  waves  of  Adrian's  gold-brown 
locks,  that  Alice  loved  so  well. 

Custom  and  pride  makes  folks  reticent  and  keep 
their  griefs  to  themselves,  but  as  long  as  human 
hearts  are  made  as  they  be  now,  they  will  ache. 
Love's  arrers  are  sharp  winged  ;  when  they  fly  they 
don't  take  any  note  of  where  they  are  a-goin',  and 
the  pain  is  keen  and  sharp  when  they  hit — bitter 
sweet  at  any  time,  and  sometimes  bitter  without  the 
sweet.  The  good  Lord  go  with  Al  Faizi  and  com 
fort  him,  so  I  sez  to  myself. 

He  took  both  of  my  hands  in  his  little  brown 
ones,  and  it  seemed  as  if  he  would  never  let  'em  go. 


AL   FAIZI    SAYS   GOOD-BYE.  6/9 

"  I  wili»  never  forget  you  !"  he  cried  ;  "you  have 
had  for  me  the  kind  heart  and  kind  deeds  of  a 
mother." 

I  thought  to  myself  that  he  might  jest  as  well 
sed  a  "sister"  while  he  wuz  about  it,  but  then  I 
laid  it  to  the  excitement  of  the  occasion — I  wuz  ex 
cited  myself  and  felt  bad.  I  hated  to  have  him  go, 
and  when  he  wuz  a-goin'  to  let  go  of  my  hands  I 
didn't  know.  I  wuz  a-thinkin'  that  if  he  offered  to 
kiss  me  I  didn't  know  what  I  should  do — it  wuzn't 
nothin'  I  wanted,  leavin'  Josiah  out  of  the  question, 
but  I  didn't  know  what  he  would  take  it  into  his 
head  to  do.  But  he  didn't  offer  nothin'  of  the  kind, 
which  I  wuz  glad  enough  on.  But  he  gin  my  hands 
a  long,  hard  clasp,  and  sez  he  : 

"Farewell  !"  And  then  he  let  go.  He  looked 
bad,  sorrerful  as  death.  And  I  sez,  onbeknovvn  to 
me  : 

"  Won't  you  wait  and  bid  good-bye  to  Alice  ?" 

"  No,"  sez  he ;  "I  leave  with  you  my  farewell  to 
her.  May  heaven  bless  her  !  "  sez  he. 

"  Amen  !  "  sez  I. 

It  wuz  some  as  if  we  wuz  to  protracted  meetin', 
only  more  strange-like,  and  mebby  not  quite  so 
protracted,  but  curouser. 

Sez  I,  with  a  real  good  axent — "  My  heart  will 
go  with  you,  Al  Faizi ;  I  shall  think  of  you  when 


680  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

you're  fur  away,  some  as   I  do   of  my   own   boy— 
knowin'  that  you  are  doin'  your  best  for  your  own 
soul,  and  for  everybody  round  you." 

"  I  go  to  my  own  people,"  sez  he  sadly.  "  For- 
evermore  will  I  work  to  help  them  to  the  right 
way — help  them  to  understand  the  teachings  of 
the  Lord  Christ.  Nowhere  else  do  I  find  such  a 
pure  religion  as  His.  In  my  own  home,  far  away 
beyond  the  dark  waters" — and  he  made  that 
gester  of  his  towards  the  East — "  I  will  work 
till  I  die  to  bring  my  people  to  know  this 
great  love,  this  mighty  King.  And  there  also 
I  will  pray  that  your  people,  too,  may  follow  His 
teachings,  and  the  people  in  the  great  countries 
I  have  visited  with  you,  that  these  lands  may 
renounce  their  false  ways,  and  follow  His  gentle  and 
lovely  guidance,  and  be  led  into  His  truth.  I  will 
give  my  life  for  this,"  sez  he. 

His  tone  wuz  sweet  and  tender.  It  sounded  to 
me  sunthin'  like  the  autumn  winds  a-rustlin'  the 
leaves  over  the  grave  of  the  one  you  love. 

I  wuz  almost  a-cryin',  and  sez  I  : 

"  Shan't  we  ever  see  you  agin  ?" 

He  pinted  upwards,  his  eyes  wuz  full  of  the 
love  and  passion  of  devotion,  of  Christian 
feelin'. 

"  We  will  meet  in  that  great  land,"  sez  he. 


AL   FAIZI   SAYS   GOOD-BYE.  68 1 

I  wuz*dretful  riz  up  and  glad  and  deprested  and 
sorry  all  to  one  time.  I  felt  queer. 

But  Josiah  had  to  holler  most  the  last  minute. 
Sez  he,  "  What  are  you  a-goin'  to  do  with  that  book 
of  yourn,  Fazer  ?" 

"  I  will  use  it  to  help  teach  my  people — to  avoid 
the  mistakes  of  civilization." 

Josiah  sez,  "  Good  for  you,  Fazer  !" 

And  I  sez,  "  I  always  felt  that  we  ort  to  have 
missionaries  come  over  here  to  teach  us  how  to  be 
have." 

But  his  face  had  no  triumph  in  it — no  look  of 
reproach,  only  that  sweet  smile  rested  on  it  that 
made  his  face  look  better  than  any  face  I  ever  see, 
or  ever  expect  to  see. 

And  agin  he  took  my  hand  in  his  little  brown 
one  ;  agin  he  said  "  Farewell,"  and  he  wuz  indeed 
gone. 

I  didn't  git  over  it  all  day. 

I  felt  some  as  if  the  meetin'-house  to  Jonesville 
should  dissapear  mysteriously,  as  if  sunthin'  good 
had  vanished,  and  some  as  if  my  boy  Thomas  J. 
should  go  off  out  of  my  sight  for  some  time. 

Adrian  mourned  for  him  several  hours.  Alice 
wuz  writin'  a  letter  home,  and  didn't  hardly  seem  to 
know  that  he  wuz  gone,  and  Martin  wuz  glad,  I 
believe.  He  had  never  took  to  him  for  a  minute. 


682  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

Wall,  I  will  hang  up  a  thick  moreen  curtain  be 
tween  my  readers  and  the  voyage  homewards. 

It  needs  a  thick  curtain  to  hide  the  fraxious, 
querilous  complaints  and  the  actin's  of  my  pardner, 
the  howlin's  of  the  wind  and  waves,  and  the  usual 
discomforts  of  a  sea  voyage. 

There  are  times  when  Heaven  knows  I  wuz  glad 
to  hide  behind  it  myself. 

Yes,  I  will  cower  down  behind  the  thick  folds, 
knowin'  that  I  am  doin'  the  best  I  can  for  myself 
and  the  world  at  large.  Yes,  I  will  let  'em  droop 
down  over  our  voyage  through  the  wild  waves,  our 
arrival  in  our  own  dear  native  land,  our  feelin's  when 
we  see  the  shore  we  loved  dawn  on  us  out  of  the 
mist,  and  when  we  sot  our  feet  on  the  sile  of  the 
Continent  that  wears  Jonesville  like  a  pearl  of 
great  price  on  its  tawny  old  bosom. 

I  will  also  let  its  thick  folds  screen  us  in  our 
partin'  from  Martin  and  the  children,  and  our  lonely 
but  short  journey  by  our  two  selves. 

And  I  will  only  loop  that  curtain  back  in 
graceful  folds  as  we  draw  nigh  to  Jonesville — Mecca 
of  our  hearts'  hopes  and  love. 


CHAPTER   XXXVIII. 

HOME    AGAIN,    FROM    A    FOREIGN    SHORE. 

JONESVILLE  wuz  bathed  in  the  rosy  hue  of  sunset 
when  Ury  let  down  the  bars  and  we  passed  up  into 
the  lane  leadin'  to  our  dear  home — that  sweet,  rest 
ful  haven,  into  which  Josiah  and  me  truthfully  felt 
that  our  barks  would  sail  in  and  be  moored  for 
ever  and  ever. 

Yes,  we  both  felt  that  nothin',  nothin'  could 
tempt  us  agin  to  spread  our  sails  and  float  out  of 
that  blessed  Home  Harbor. 

How  soft  the  light  fell  onto  the  white  curtains 
with  lace  agin'  !  How  sweet  the  rosy  glow  illumined 
the  piaza  and  front  yard,  and  how  it  played  round 
the  red  chimblys  and  Philury's  collar,  as  she  stood 
in  the  front  stoop  to  welcome  us  home  !  Inside 
the  house  wuz  all  lit  up,  and  when  we  entered,  there 
wuz  the  children  all  come  to  surprise  us,  and  wel 
come  us  home.  They  had  sent  Philury  out,  like 
the  dove,  on  the  front  doorstep,  while  they  stayed 
in  the  ark  to  surprise  Ma  and  Pa  when  we 
come. 

Oh,   how  glad  they  wuz   to    see    us,    and    visey 


HOME   AGAIN,    FROM   A   FOREIGN   SHORE.  685 

versey.  Ves,  indeed,  I  guess  it  wuz  visey  versey— 
the  children  and  grandchildren  almost  eat  us  up, 
and  we  them. 

A  beautiful  supper  wuz  awaitin'  the  tired-out 
travellers.  The  girls  had  laid  to  and  helped,  and  it 
wuz  a  supper  long  to  be  remembered,  and  the  chil 
dren's  and  the  grandchildren's  demeanors  to  us  wuz  as 
tender  as  the  briled  chicken  and  cream  biscuit,  and 
the  ties  of  love  that  united  us  all  together  wuz  as 
strong  as  the  coffee,  and  stronger,  too,  and  mellered 
down  by  our  happiness,  jest  as  that  wuz  with 
lump-sugar  and  rich  cream.  And,  oh,  how  good ! 
how  good  it  did  feel  to  be  to  home  !  Josiah  the  first 
thing  pulled  off  his  boots  and  went  round  in  his 
stockin'  feet. 

I  sez,  "  Why  do  you  do  that,  Josiah  ?" 

"  Oh,  for  no  reason,  only  to  swing  out  and  do 
jest  as  I'm  a-mind  to.  After  bein'  cramped  and 
hampered  for  months,  I'm  a-goin'  to  act  and  feel 
to  home,  and  I'm  a-goin'  barefoot  for  a  spell,"  sez 
he,  "  as  soon  as  the  children  go." 

And,  sure  enough,  he  did,  for  all  I  could  do  and 
say,  and  he  sung  several  pieces  while  I  wuz  on- 
dressin' — he  sung  'em  loud.  I  remember  he  sung 
the  hull  of  "  Robert  Kidd  "  and  "Andre's  Lament," 
besides  some  hymns. 

Sez  he,  "  I've  been  pent  up  and  bound  down  so 


686  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

long  that  I'm  a-goin'  to  swing  right  out  and  act  all 
I  want  to." 

And  happy — why,  happy  is  no  name  for  the 
feelin's  of  that  man,  and  I  felt  the  same — yes, 
indeed  !  Only,  as  my  nater  is,  I  acted  more  megum, 
though  I  did  kinder  jine  in  with  him  in  the  chorus— 

"  My  name  is  Robert  Kidd, 
As  I  sailed,  as  I  sailed." 

I  wuz  so  perfectly  happy  that  I  had  to. 
And   when  he  struck  into  the  hymns  I  jined  in 
strong,      right     there     in    my     nightgown — "  On 
Canaan's  happy  banks  I  stand,"  and  "  Long  time  I 
have  wandered,"  and  etcetery. 

Why,  Josiah  sung  the  most  of  the  time  for  days 
and  days. 

When  Deacon  Henzy  come  to  see  him,  instead 
of  advancin'  and  shakin'.  hands  dignified,  as  a  foreign 
traveller  ort  to,  he  jest  advanced  onto  him,  a-singin' 
loud— 
"  Home  agin,   Deacon,  home    agin,    from    a   foreign  shore. 

And,  oh  !  it  fills  my  soul  with  joy 

To  greet  Deacon  Henzy  and  the  rest  of  the  Jonesvillians 
once  more." 
********** 

It  spilte  the  meter,  but  he  didn't  care.  He  acted 
fairly  crazed  with  joy  to  be  home. 

The  first  thing  he  done   the   next   mornin'  when 


HOME   AGAIN,    FROM   A   FOREIGN   SHORE. 


687 


he  got  up  wuz  to  throw  his  best  clothes  in  a  sort  of 
a  scornful  heap  behind  his  closet  door.  He 
throwed  'em  some  as  if  he  hated  the  very  sight  on 
'em.  When  I  found  'em  afterwards,  all  tumbled 
in  together,  we  had  a  number  of 
words. 

But,  as  I  say,  he  throwed  his  best 
clothes  there,  and  specially  his  stiff 
collars  and  cuffs — them  looked  some 
as  if  they'd  been  trompled  on. 

And  then  that  man  got  on  the 
worst-lookin'  pair  of  pantaloons  and 
vest  you  ever  see — holes  in  the  knees, 
and  the  vest  ripped  up  in  the  back, 
and  the  pockets  hangin'  outside.  I'd 
been  a-savin'  'em  for  carpet  rags. 

And  he  went  down  suller  and  took 
a  old  coat  offen  the  apple-ben.  We 
had  used  it  for  two  winters  to  cover 
up  the  apples  in  extra  cold  nights. 
And  the  land  knows  where  he  got 

o 

the   hat   he   put  on — a  old  straw,  the 
rim  a-hangin'  half  off,  and  the  crown 
all    jammed    in.      I   guess   he  found   it 
woodhouse  chamber. 

But,  anyway,  his  looks  wuz   sech,  so   onbecomin' 
to  a  deacon  and  a  pathmaster,  let  alone   a  cultered 


His  LOOKS  wuz  so  ONBE 
COMIN'  TO  A  DEACON  AND 
A  PATHMASTER. 


up 


in 


the 


688  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

gentleman  of  foreign  travel,  that  I  took  him  to  do 
sharply  about  it. 

Sez  I,  "  I  won't  have  you  a-goin'  round  lookin' 
worse  than  any  old  scarecrow,  Josiah  Allen." 

He  took  up  a  position  in  front  of  me,  where  his 
rags  showed  off  to  the  most  plainest  advantage,  and 
sez  he— 

"  As  you  see  me  now,  Samantha,  you  will  see  me 
henceforth.  I  shall  never,  never  be  dressed  up 
agin  as  long  as  I  retain  my  conscientiousness." 

He  spoke  so  firm,  I  felt  some  browbeat  and 
skairt. 

Sez  I  faintly,  "  Do  you  expect  to  go  through 
your  life  a-lookin'  as  you  do  now  ?" 

"Always,  always,  Samantha;  only  worse,  if  I  can 
manage  it."  Sez  he  bitterly,  "  I  am  a  man  that  has 
been  dressed  up  too  long  ;  the  iron  has  entered  too 
deep  into  my  soul — the  worm  has  turned,"  sez  he. 
"  I  calculate  to  go  in  rags  the  rest  of  my  life.  And 
I  wish,"  sez  he  in  a  pleadin'  axent,  "  I  wish  that 
you  would  promise  that  you  would  bury  me  in  this 
suit — that  you  would  take  a  vow  that  I  shall  not 
be  dressed  up." 

I  wuz  at  my  wits'  end  ;  he  looked  as  determined 
as  any  old  hen  turkey  ever  did  on  her  nest. 

But  by  a  happy  inspiration  I  sez— 

"Wouldn't    you    ruther    lay    in    your    dressin'- 


HOME   AGAIN,    FROM   A   FOREIGN   SHORE.  689 

gown,  Josigh  ?  Think  of  them  beautiful  tossels," 
sez  I. 

I  see  a  change  come  over  his  mean  ;  he  wavered 
and  turned  onto  his  heel,  and  went  out-doors. 

And  I  may  as  well  tell  the  end  on't.  It  wuz 
that  dressin'-gown  that  gradual  won  him  back  into 
decenter  clothin'. 

I  lured  him  into  that  at  first,  and  then  gradual 
into  pepper-and-salt,  and  so  on  to  broadcloth  ;  but 
it  wuz  a  hard  tussle  !  Collars  and  cuffs  wuz  my 
worst  battle-field,  but  I  got  the  victory  over  'em 
at  last. 

Oh,  dear  me,  dear  me,  suz  !  what  hard  times  fe 
male  pardners  do  have  anon  or  oftener ;  but  yet 
I  believe  that  pardners  pay,  after  all. 

And  it  did  seem  so  good  to  walk  round  the 
house,  free  and  ontrammelled,  and  see  the  old 
bureaus  and  tables  once  more,  and  sasspans  and 
things ;  and  go  out  into  the  garden  and  see  the 
garden-truck,  and  walk  out  to  the  barn  and  gather 
the  eggs,  and  count  the  chickens. 

And  plunge  into  all  the  sweet  delights  that  make 
home  a  perfect  Eden. 

Yes,  we  both  felt  that  we  should  never  want  to 
move  a  inch  from  our  own  fireside.  But  how 
little — how  little  we  can  tell  what  is  ahead  on  us  in 
the  onseen  futer. 


690  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

In  this  case  Alice  wuz  ahead. 

We  hadn't  been  to  home  more'n  several  weeks 
when  that  sweet  creeter  wrote  to  me,  urgin'  me  hard 
to  come  and  see  her. 

She  didn't  make  no  open  complaints,  but  all 
through  the  letter  I  could  read  between  the  lines, 
as  it  wuz,  the  echoes  of  a  sad  heart. 

I  felt,  as  I  read  it,  that  I  ort  to  go  right  away  and 
see  her. 

But  I  hated  to  leave  home  agin — I  hated  to  like 
a  dog. 

So  I  writ  her  back  as  lovin'  a  letter  as  I  could, 
and  I  kinder  waved  off  the  subject  of  my  comin', 
sayin'  I'd  come  jest  as  soon  as  I  could. 

A  week  or  more  passed,  then  come  a  letter  from 
Martin,  sayin'  Alice  wuzn't  very  well,  and  had  sot 
her  heart  on  seein'  me — wouldn't  I  come  ? 

I  went. 

Alice  wuz  dretful  glad  to  see  me,  and  in  my  lov 
in'  sympathy  her  white  face  seemed  to  git  a  little 
more  color  and  brightness  into  it. 

Good  land  !  I  see  what  ailed  her  jest  as  well  as 
though  I  had  took  our  big  parlor  lamp  and  walked 
through  her  mind. 

Her  father  wuz  jest  as  determined  as  ever  that 
she  should  have  nothin'  to  do  or  say  to  Richard 
Noble. 


HOME   AGAIN,    FROM   A   FOREIGN   SHORE.  691 

4t 

And  bein'  right  here  by  his  side,  as  it  were,  and 
forbid  to  see  him  or  speak  to  him  made  it  fur  worse 
than  it  wuz  when  they  wuz  seperated  by  a  ocean. 
Her  Pa  had  planned  in  his  own  mind  that  this 
trip  should  ween  her  from  him.  But  how  mistook 
he  wuz  ! 

She  had  carried  a  faithful,  lovin'  heart  over  the 
Atlantic,  and  had  brung  it  back  with  her. 

Distance  had  only  drawed  the  ends  of  the  love- 
knot,  unitin'  their  souls  all  the  tighter.  They 
couldn't  be  ontwisted  now  by  the  hands  of  a  Martin 
—no,  indeed  ! 

Martin  wuz  dretful  good  to  me.  He  see  that 
Alice  loved  me  and  brightened  up  considerable  in 
my  presence.  And  that  would  have  made  Miss 
Belzebub  welcome. 

And  Adrian,  how  he  did  hang  round  me,  sweet 
little  creeter  that  he  wuz  ! 

Yes,  Alice  wuz  the  same,  and  Martin  wuz  the 
same  as  before  his  trip.  He  kep'  right  on  in  the 
same  old  roteen  of  money-makin',  and  money-savin', 
and  obstinacy,  and  sotness,  and  ambition,  and 
etcetery. 

I  found  that  out  only  a  few  mornin's  after  I  got 
there. 

I  happened  to  take  up  a  daily  paper,  and  I  read  a 
piece  in  it  about  a  horrible  axident  that  had  took 


692  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

place   right   there  in  the   city  a  few  days  before — 
two  children  killed,  and  the  driver    of  the  car  had 
died  from  the  effects  of  the  horrow  and  remorse  he 
had    experienced  in  causin'  the  death  of  the  two 
children. 

Died /  when  the  poor  creeter  wuz  no  more  guilty 
than  a  babe  for  it.  He  wuzn't  no  more  guilty  than 
the  spokes  in  the  wheels.  They  all  wuz  run  by 
another's  orders. 

As  I  sed,  I  wuz  so  horrified  by  it,  that  I  felt  that 
mad  him  or  not,  I  must  tackle  Martin  about  the 
matter. 

And  I  found  that  he  wuz  as  stiffnecked  and  ram- 
bellous  as  a  iron-clad  about  it. 

And  we  had  a  number  of  words. 

And  in  the  course  of  our  conversation  I  atted 
Martin  agin  about  Alice's  lover.  For  her  big,  sad 
eyes  had  follered  me  all  the  time  I'd  been  there,  and 
I  had  vowed  in  my  heart  that  I  would  help  her  to 
her  happiness  if  I  could. 

As  I  sed,  the  pretty  creeter  had  took  her  faithful 
heart  over  the  Atlantic,  and  carried  it  round  with 
her  all  the  time  she  wuz  there,  and  had  brung  it 
back  with  her. 

Movin'  the  body  round  don't  change  the  soul. 


CHAPTER   XXXIX. 

MARTIN'S   TERRIBLE    LESSON. 

WALL,  I  found  that  Martin  wuz  as  immovable 
and  sot  as  a  rock.  "  As  for  Alice,"  sez  he,  "  I  told 
you  six  months  ago  what  I  should  do,  and  I  never 
change  my  mind." 

And  agin  I  sez,  "  Sometimes  folks  are  made 
to  change  their  minds  when  they  don't  mean  to  or 
want  to." 

But  before  I  could  multiply  any  more  words  with 
him  a  servant  come  in  to  say  that  a  paintin'  had  come 
that  Martin  had  ordered  while  he  wuz  abroad. 
And  he  asked  me  quite  polite  to  go  in  and  see 
it. 

He  wuz  glad  of  the  interruption.  He  wanted  to 
change  the  subject — he  wanted  to  like  a  dog. 

The  picter  had  been  onpacked,  and  wuz  standin' 
in  the  big  hall,  waitin'  for  Martin  to  decide  where  to 
hang  it. 

It  wuz  called  "  The  Mother's  Sacrifice,"  and  wuz 
the  picter  of  a  Eastern  mother,  who  wuz  a-throwin' 
her  child  under  the  wheels  of  a  juggernaut  to  insure 
its  everlastin'  salvation. 


694  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

Her  face  wuz  torn  with  love  and  duty.  It  wuz 
a  impressive  picter.  He  gin  twenty  thousand  dol 
lars  for  it,  for  he  told  me  so. 

Sez  Martin  as  we  looked  at  it,  full  of  the  rich 
Oriental  glow  of  forest  and  landscape,  and  the  dark, 
frenzied  beauty  of  the  mother's  face  and  the  inno 
cent  beauty  of  the  child,  who  trusts  to  her  love  and 
care  and  don't  mistrust  its  impendin'  doom — 

Sez  Martin,  "  What  a  struggle  is  going  on  in  that 
woman's  breast  !  how  her  heart  is  torn  between  her 
love  for  the  child  and  her  religious  belief  !  What  a 
masterly  handling  of  the  subject !"  sez  he. 

"  Yes,"  sez  I  ;  "  but  what  of  the  hearts  of  the 
mothers  who  see  their  children  crushed  down  under 
jest  as  murderous  wheels,  and  don't  have  her  re 
ligious  zeal  to  hold  'em  up  ?  That  Eastern  mother 
thinks  that  this  will  insure  her  child's  eternal  well- 
bein' — she  thinks  the  wheels  move  on  in  the  cause 
of  eternal  good.  What  would  she  think  if  she  wuz 
a  American  mother,  and  knew  these  wheels  mur 
dered  her  child  jest  to  save  a  little  money — jest  out 
of  wicked,  graspin'  avarice  ?" 

Sez  Martin  coldly,  "  I  don't  know  what  you 
mean." 

Sez  I,  "  Yes  you  do,  Martin ;  I  mean  your 
trolley  cars,  that  move  on  and  crush  down  childhood 
and  age,  when  a  little  bit  of  money  you  spend 


MARTIN'S  TERRIBLE  LESSON.  695 

for  this  ficticious  woe  would  relieve  the  real  agony 
which  is  goin'  on  right  before  your  front  gate 
through  your  own  neglect." 

I  would  gin  him  some  sech  little  delicate  hints, 
whether  he  liked  it  or  lumped  it,  as  the  savin'  is. 
Agin  he  sez  in  that  dretful  dignified  way  of  hisen, 
"  I  don't  know  what  you  mean,"  and  turned  away. 

But  jest  as  I  wuz  withdrawin'  myself  from  the 
seen,  for  I  felt  that  these  little  blind  hits  I  gin  him 
wuz  enough  for  the  present,  Adrian  come  in,  and 
Martin  called  out— 

"Well,  dear  little  Partner,  what  do  you  want?" 

And  Adrian  sez,  "  Alice  and  I  are  going  out 
driving,  and  I  wanted  to  say  good-bye  to  you." 

Martin  kissed  the  pretty  face,  with  his  adorin' 
love  for  the  child  a-showin'  plain  in  him.  And 
then  Adrian  come  and  kissed  me,  his  gold  curls 
fallin'  back  from  his  little,  earnest  face,  and  his 
black  velvet  cap  a-settin'  'em  off  first  rate,  and  he 
sez  to  me,  "Good-bye;"  and  I  hadn't  any  way  of 
knowin'  that  that  good-bye  would  echo  through 
the  long  futer  and  die  out  only  at  the  Dark 
Portal. 

Martin  took  out  his  purse  and  took  out  a  roll  of 
bills  and  handed  'em  to  Adrian,  and  sez  he, 
"  Hand  that  to  your  sister ;  I  was  going  to  give  it 
to  her  last  night — it  is  for  a  necklace  she  wanted. 


696  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Be  careful  of  it,"  sez  Martin  as  Adrian  took  it ; 
"it  is  five  thousand  dollars,  and  that  is  worth 
taking  care  of,  little  partner." 

Wall,  they  sot  off,  and  I  went  back  into  a  little 
settin'-room  acrost  the  hall  from  Martin's  study 
and  took  up  a  book  and  went  to  readin'. 

It  wuz  a  interestin'  book,  and  I  wuz  carried 
away — some  distance  away  from  the  big  city  and 
trolley  cars. 

When  I  heard  a  hum  of  a  good  many  voices 
in  Martin's  room,  and  the  door  bein'  open,  I 
couldn't  help  hearin'  what  they  wuz  a-sayin'.  It 
seemed  to  be  a  deputation  of  some  kind  a-askin' 
Martin  for  some  favor  or  other. 

For  I  heard  him  say  out  loud,  "  I  am  sick  of 
these  complaints." 

His  tone  wuz  cold — cold  as  a  iceberg.  There 
wuz  one  man  amongst  'em  who  seemed  to  be  the 
speaker ;  he  sez,  "  We  are  workingmen  ;  we  have 
homes  and  families.  We  work  hard  every  day. 
We  leave  our  children,  that  we  may  go  away  and 
earn  food  and  clothing  for  them ;  our  houses 
are  the  best  that  we  can  afford,  but  the  best  that 
we  can  pay  for  lay  in  the  populous  region  where 
so  many  lives  are  lost  by  these  cars.  I  know  you 
are  the  owner  of  that  line,  and  we  have  come  to 
appeal  to  you." 


MARTIN'S  TERRIBLE  LESSON.  697 

Sez  Martin  agin,  "  I  am  sick  to  death  of  these 
everlasting  complaints." 

His  tone  wuz  cold — cold  as  a  frog,  and  I  see 
from  his  voice  that  he  wuz  mad — mad  as  a  wet  hen. 

The  man  that  answered  him  I  could  see  from 
where  I  sot  wuz  evidently  jest  a  plain  workin'- 
man,  jest  like  'em  that  you  meet  in  droves  at  7 
o'clock  in  the  mornin'  and  six  at  night. 

But  I  liked  his  looks — he  looked  rugged  and 
honest,  and  his  voice  had  a  uncultured  ring  of 
common  sense  and  honesty,  and  at  times  a  deep 
sorrer  and  sense  of  wrong  touched  it  to  a  rude 
eloquence. 

Martin  sez,  and  his  tone  wuz  cold  and  smooth 
as  a  icesuckle  in  a  January  mornin' — 

"  What  is  it  that  you  want  me  to  do,  anyway 
—tell  me  as  briefly  as  you  can,  for  my  time  is 
valuable." 

Sez  the  man  agin,  "  We  are  workingmen  and 
poor,  and  we  do  not  expect  to  have  many  things 
that  rich  people  have,  but  we  do  want  our  children 
to  be  educated.  They  must  go  out  alone  to  their 
schools  while  their  mothers  are  at  home  working 
to  make  a  decent  home  for  them,  and  they  can 
not  follow  them  only  with  their  thoughts  and 
prayers. 

"  These  cars  going  with  the  swiftness  of  lightning 


SEZ  MARTIN  AGIN, 


I  AM  SICK  TO  DEATH  OF  THESE  EVERLASTING 

COMPLAINTS." 


MARTIN'S  TERRIBLE  LESSON.  699 

through  these  thronged  streets,  with  no  safeguard  to 
protect  them,  are  the  means  of  making  fathers'  and 
mothers'  hearts  ache  with  fear  and  dread. 

"  One  of  my  own  children,  a  bright  little  lad,  my 
only  son,  dear  to  me  as  my  own  life,  was  crushed 
down  by  them  on  his  way  to  school"  The  man's 
voice  broke  here,  for  a  rush  of  feeling  swep'  up  agin 
his  voice,  and  stopped  it. 

"  Another  of  these  men  lost  a  child,  another  saw 
an  old  mother  crushed  down  before  his  eyes  as  she 
tried  to  cross  the  street,  another— 

"  There  is  no  need  of  repeating  all  this  to  me. 
What  do  you  want  me  to  do?"  I  see  by  Martin's 
voice  that  he  wuz  madder  than  that  wet  hen  a-settin', 
and  obstinate. 

"  We  want  to  have  you  give  orders  to  go  more 
slowly  through  crowded  places  and  put  fenders  on 
the  cars,  so  as  to  lessen  the  peril  as  much  as  may  be, 
so  we  poor  people,  who  have  to  live  and  labor  in 
these  dangerous  places,  can  carry  a  lighter  heart  to 
our  hard  daily  toil." 

"  Leave  me  your  address,"  sez  Martin  sharp  and 
cold,  "and  I  will  communicate  with  you."  Then 
sez  he,  "  James,  show  these  men  to  the  door.  Good- 
morning,"  sez  he.  The  door  closed  on  the  men,  and 
Martin  crossed  the  hall  with  a  quick  step,  and  come 
right  into  the  room  where  I  sot.  In  his  haste  to 


700  SAMANTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

git    out    of    their    sight    he    had,   as   the  sayin'  is, 
"jumped  from  the  fryin'-pan  into  the  fire." 

For  I  sez,  and  tears  wuz  in  my  eyes  as  I  sed  it— 
"  You  will  grant  their  request,  Martin  ?" 
"No,  I  will  not  grant  their  request;"  and  he 
went  on  sarcastically,  "  I  don't  know  what  you 
people  want.  Do  you  want  to  do  away  with  cars 
and  railroads  and  go  back  to  ox-teams  and  pil 
lions  ?  Here  a  few  men  take  a  big  risk,  put  all 
their  capital  into  an  enterprise,  doing  the  public 
an  incalculable  good,  and  then  they  have  to  be  bad 
gered  night  and  day  by  the  very  ones  they  have 
benefited,  and  by  a  set  of  philanthropic  fools."  I 
guess  he  meant  me  by  that  last  term,  but  I  didn't 
care  ;  I  wouldn't  have  cared  if  he'd  called  me  a  plain 
fool — I  knew  I  wuzn't.  When  you  are  out  a-ketch- 
in'  a  tiger  you  don't  care  for  a  muskeeter's  bite  ; 
no,  your  mind  is  sot  on  the  tiger. 

I  sez,  "  The  cost  is  but  trifiin'  to  one  of  your 
means.  Why  not  do  it  ?" 

"  Because  I  am  capable  of  attending  to  my  own 
business,  and  I  am  not  to  be  bossed  by  a  lot  of 
workingmen  and  wild-eyed  reformers  and  senti 
mental  idiots — I'll  do  what  I  please." 

Sez  I,  "  Mebby  you  will,  Martin,  and  mebby  you 


won't." 


Jest   as  I  said  these  words  a  cry  come   up   from 


MARTIN  S    TERRIBLE    LESSON. 


701 


the  streets^*-"  A  child  run  over  !    a  lady  killed  !    a 
child  and  a  lady  killed  !" 

''There,"  sez  Martin,  actin'  impatient  and  mad 
as  anything — "  there  is  another  text  for  you,  Cousin 
Samantha  ;  and  probably  the  whole  car  full  of  people, 
who  have  rode  all  over  the  city  for  five  cents,  will 


HE   FELL    DOWN    JEST    LIKE    A   LOCI    AT    MY    FEET. 

all  join  in  and  shriek  at  me  as  a  murderer  and  a  vil 
lain,  because  a  couple  of  fools  have  started  to  cross 
the  track  just  in  front  of  a  car  ;  in  nine  cases  out  of 
ten  the  fault  is  their  own." 

But  the  cries  outside  grew  louder  and  louder,  and 
finally  Martin  went  to  the  winder,    kinder  flingin' 


702  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

himself  along  in  a  sort  of  a  impatient  way  ;  and 
he  had  been  nagged  considerable — I  had  to  ad 
mit  it. 

He  went  to  the  winder,  which  looked  down  onto 
the  broad  street  below.  He  looked  a  minute  ;  then 
shriekin'  out— 

"My  God!  my  God!" 

He  fell  down  jest  like  a  log  at  my  feet. 

And  what  wuz  the  sight  that  struck  him  down 
like  a  arrer  ? 

Two  men  of  the  very  deputation  that  had  jest 
left  the  house  wuz  bearin'  between  'em  the  crushed 
form  of  a  little  boy — gold  curls  wuz  hangin'  back 
from  the' velvet  cap.  A  kind  hand  had  covered  the 
little  disfiggered  face  with  a  handkerchief.  Behind, 
two  more  of  the  men  and  a  policeman  wuz  carryin' 
the  crushed,  senseless  form  of  Alice. 

I  hearn  all  about  it  afterwards.  There  wuz  a 
florist  jest  acrost  from  Martin's,  where  a  little  bend 
in  the  road  made  it  impossible  to  stop.  Little 
Adrian  had  jumped  out  of  the  carriage  and  run  to 
choose  a  bokay  of  flowers  to  gin  to  me.  They  wuz 
the  English  voyalets  he  loved  so  well  One  of  'em 
wuz  in  the  buttonhole  of  the  little  velvet  coat. 

Dear  little  creetur  ! 

And  as  he  ran  back  the  rlo\vers  fell ;  he  stopped 
to  pick  'em  up,  and  the  car  swep'  down  on  him. 


MARTIN  S   TERRIBLE    LESSON,  703 

Alice  see  his  danger,  she  jumped  to  save  him,  only 
to  be  struck  down  herself. 

Wall,  what  tongue  of  men  or  angels  shall  de 
scribe  the  seen  that  follered  and  ensued. 

Martin  layin'  in  a  dead  faint,  like  death  to  all  ap 
pearance — and  it  is  blood  relation  to  it.  Little 
Adrian  layin'  white  and  cold  on  a  couch  in  the  re 
ception-hall,  where  the  men  had  reverently  laid  him, 
right  under  the  picter  of  that  Eastern  mother. 

The  agony  in  her  dark  face  seemed  to  be  for  him, 
too — the  fair-haired  child  of  the  race  who  condemn 
their  barbarity,  and  practise  worse. 

And  Alice  a-layin'  white  and  onconscious,  but 
breathin'  still,  in  her  own  room.  One  round,  white 
arm  a-hangin'  broken  by  her  side,  and  blood  stream- 
in'  from  a  cruel  gash  in  her  head. 

Wall,  the  best  doctors  in  the  city  wuz  there  in  a 
few  minutes.  But  all  their  genius  and  wisdom  and 
learnin'  could  not  bring  back  the  spark  of  life  that 
had  flown  away  from  little  Adrian's  body. 

And  then  afterwards  the  clergyman  come  and 
whispered  consolin'  words  to  Martin  in  his  dark 
ened  chamber. 

But  not  all  the  preachin'  since  Adam  can  make 
death  other  than  death. 

Martin  didn't  want  the  clergyman — he  wanted  to 
be  alone.  He  wouldn't  see  anybody,  and  he  lay 


704 


SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 


still  and  cold  after  his  senses  come  back — so  still 
and  cold  that  the  doctors  feared  for  his  sanity,  and 
even  for  his  life. 

The  first  glimpse  of  interest  he  showed  wuz  when 
they  told  him  that  there  wuz  a 
chance  for  Alice  to  live. 

He  turned  his  face  towards  the 
wall  (so  the  nurse  told  me,  a  good, 
faithful  creeter  with  a  strong 
breath,  caused  by  stimulants,  I  be 
lieve). 

Sez  she,  "  I  went  to  the  foot 
of  the  bed  and  looked  up,  and 
see  tears  a-streamin'  down  his 
white  face.  But  I  dare  not  speak 
to  him,"  sez  she — "  no,  I  dare  not." 
Sez  she,  "  His  face  had  that 
look  on  it  that  it  frightened  me, 
and  it  gave  me  such  a  turn  that 

I    iCCl  WCftK    yet.          1   gUCSS,      S6Z   SllC, 
,,j      ^     ^^    &    4  ^     ^^     me 

up.  Don't  you  want  a  drop  of 
stimulant,  too  ?"  sez  she. 

"  No,  indeed,"  sez  I,  "  I  don't !" 

"But,"  sez  I,  "poor  creeter,  do  everything  you 
can  for  him,  for  the  hand  of  the  Lord  has  dealt 
sorely  with  him.  And,"  sez  I,  "  I  would  gladly 


A  FAITHFUL  CREETER  WITH  A  STRONG 
BREATH,  CAUSED  BY  STIMULANTS,  I 
BELIEVE. 


r° 


MARTIN'S  TERRIBLE  LESSON.  705 

help  him  iM  could,  but  I  can  do  nothin'  but  pray 
for  him." 

Wall,  there  wuz  a  big  funeral  in  the  church 
where  little  Adrian  had  been  baptized  when  he  wuz 
a  baby. 

The  minister,  a  very  eloquent  and  high-priced 
one,  preached  a  beautiful  sermon  about  the  in 
scrutable  mysteries  of  our  lives,  and  the  mys 
tery  of  the  Providence  who  should  take,  in  sech 
a  onforeseen  and  onheard-of  way  the  child  of 
sech  a  man,  who  had  spent  his  hull  life  for  the 
good  of  the  people — that  angelic  man,  who  wuz 
a-layin'  now  in  his  palatial  home  at  the  pint  of 
death. 

These  last  words  affected  the  congregation  dret- 
fully.  A  maiden  jest  behind  Martin's  pew  and  a 
widder  jest  in  front  (who  both  had  hopes)  sallied 
away  and  partially  fainted,  and  the  widder  had  to 
be  borne  out  by  the  sexton. 

And  as  she  wuz  heavey,  it  bore  hard  on  him.  The 
old  maid  revived  in  time  to  see  the  widder  carried 
out.  Widders  always  will  go  further  and  resk 
more  than  the  more  single  ones. 

And  the  maiden  wuz  wroth  for  fear  that  Martin 
should  hear  of  it  that  she  didn't  go  so  fur  herself  as 
the  widder  did. 

I  myself   didn't  faint   nor  shed  tears.      I  sot  up 


706  SAMAXTHA    IN    EUROPE. 

straight  in  that  luxurious  pew  and  kep'  a-sayin'  in 
my  heart— 

"  Oh,  God  help  that  wretched  man  !     God   help 
and  comfort  him,  for  nothin'  else  can  !" 


CHAPTER   XL. 


GOOD-NIGHT,    LITTLE    PARDNER. 


WALL,  that  night  after  the  funeral  I  wuz  called 
down  into  the  parlor  to  see  a  stranger — a  good  deal 
devolved  on  me  in  that  awful  time  ;  I  kep'  calm,  or 
tried  to,  and  that  calmness  wuz  like  a  paneky  to 
'em  round  me,  and  they  didn't  see  the  tumult  of 
pity  and  grief  that  wuz  a-goin'  on  inside  of  my 
heart  onbeknown  to  ;em. 

I  went  down  into  the  hall,  and  there  I  found  a 
handsome,  noble-lookin'  young  man,  whose  face 
wuz  so  white  with  anguish  and  dread  that  I  knew 
before  he  spoke  who  he  wuz,  and  sez  I  right  out 
the  first  thing,  a-holdin'  out  both  my  hands— 

"  Alice  is  better." 

He  grasped  holt  of  my  hands  as  if  he  wouldn't 
never  let  go. 

Sez  he,  "  God  bless  you  for  saying  that !"  He 
wouldn't  go  into  the  parlor,  nor  set  down,  or  noth- 
in'.  But  it  got  to  be  my  stiddy  practice  to  go  down 
into  that  hall  two  or  three  times  a  day  to  gin  him 
news,  and  as  the  news  grew  brighter  every  day,  jest 
so  his  face  grew  brighter,  till  it  got  luminous  with 


708  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

joy  and  gratitude  the  day  I  told  him  that  Alice 
vvuz  out  of  danger. 

Wall,  there  come  a  day,  long  to  be  remembered, 
when  Martin  sent  for  me.  I  wuz  the  first  one  he 
asked  to  see.  He  couldn't  talk  much,  and  I  jest 
grasped  his  hand  and  sez— 

"  I  have  been  prayin'  for  you,  Martin." 

"  I  knew  it,"  he  whispered,  "  I  knew  you  would." 

And  that  wuz  about  all  I  could  say.  But  I  spoze 
he  felt  the  pity  and  sympathy  that  oozed  out  of  my 
sperit  onbeknown  to  me  as  I  looked  down  onto 
that  broken-hearted  man,  and  he  seemed  to  like  to 
have  me  round  his  room. 

Wall,  it  wuz  weeks  before  I  could  go  home, 
Josiah  a-bearin'  up  nobly,  aided  by  Philury,  and 
a-bravely  eatin'  pancakes  in  her  hours  of  too  bur 
dened  haste,  and  a-writin'  to  me  to  stay  if  I  could 
be  of  any  comfort  to  'em. 

Noble  man  that  he  is,  though  small  boneded 
I  am  proud  of  him — a  good  deal  of  the  time  I  am. 

Wall,  there  come  a  time  when  Martin,  a-settin' 
up  in  his  study  and  a-lookin'  over  his  papers,  sent 
for  me,  and  spoke  to  me  for  the  first  time  of 
Adrian. 

He  didn't  cry.  His  speechless  grief  wuz  beyend 
that  relief,  but  he  gin  me  to  understand  that  his  life 
wuz  a  blank  to  him  now. 


"GOOD-NIGHT,    LITTLE   PARDNER. 


709 


Sez  I,  """Martin,  remember  that  Alice  is  left  to 
you — you  have  one  child  left." 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  but  I  want  my  boy  !  !"  and  he 
busted  right  out  into  tears,  and  buried  his  face  in 
his  hands. 

Sez  I,  "  Martin,  do  you  remember  what  the  dear 
little  boy  said — hewuz  a-goin'  to  be  your 
pardner  ?" 

He  groaned,  "  Why  do  you  speak  of 
that  ?     Do  you  want  to  kill  me  ?" 

"  I  want  to  help  you,  Martin." 

"  Do  you  ever  think 
that  Adrian  can  be  your 
pardner  now,  better  than 
he  ever  could  if  he  wuz 
on  earth — as  much  bet 
ter  as  the  glorified  sperit 
is  above  our  common 


HE   BUSTED    OUT    INTO    TEARS     AND    BURIED    HIS   FACE   I 
HIS    HANDS. 


humanity  ?" 

But  agin   he    groaned 
out,  "  I  want  my  boy  !" 

"  It  is  hard,  Martin,"  sez  I,  a-layin'  my  hand  on 
his  bowed-down  shoulders. 

"  It  is  hard  to  know  that  the  sweet  little  voice  is 
silent  on  earth,  but  he  can  hear  you — he  is  a-hearin' 
you  this  minute  ;  he  hears  the  language  of  your 
sperit  as  you  vow  to  ondo  the  past  so  fur  as  you 


710  SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

can — to  go  on  in  the  futer  and  work  for  the  poor, 
as  he  wanted  to. 

"  You  can't  go  agin  these  strong  desires  of  your 
little  pardner,  Martin — you've  got  to  hear  to  'em. 
He  is  your  pardner  now  jest  as  much  as  he  ever 
wuz,  and  more,  only  he  has  gone  over  the  deep 
waters  into  another  country  to  tend  to  the  interests 
of  the  firm  there.  It  is  a  country  where  the  Right 
is  always  done,  where  things  that  are  wrong  here 
are  made  right — he  will  help  you,  Martin.  He 
wanted  to  work  for  the  poor ;  why  not  let 
him  ?" 

He  lifted  his  white  face,  tears  a-streamin'  down 
it,  but  as  my  meanin'  dawned  on  him  his  mean  grew 
a  little  mite  brighter. 

Sez  I,  ''He  is  a-workin  now  for  'em.  Sez  I, 
"  I  see  in  the  new  look  in  your  eyes  the  divine 
work  of  your  pardner. 

"  He  is  helpin'  you  this  minute  to  think  softer 
thoughts.  He  is  helpin'  you  to  remember  that  you 
are  to  spend  your  money  and  his — for  you  told  him 
that  it  belonged  to  you  both  equally — in  helpin'  the 
poor,  in  helpin'  to  surround  their  lives  with  safe 
guards,"  sez  I,  a-wantin'  to  strike  while  the  iron 
wuz  hot. 

"  You  are  a-goin'  to  git  some  fenders  right  off, 
Martin." 


"  GOOD-NIGHT,    LITTLE    PARDNER."  /I  I 

"Orde*  five  hundred  of  them  right  off — send  for 
a  thousand  of  them." 

"No,"  sez  I,  "Martin,  be  megum.  You've  got 
to  be  megum  in  fenders  as  well  as  any  other  good 
ness.  Why  order  a  thousand  fenders  for  one  hun 
dred  cars  ? 

"But,"  sez  I,  "Martin,  I  will  send  for  'em." 
And  I  did,  that  very  day,  not  knowin'  but  he 
would  be  some  like  Pharaoh,  and  his  heart  would  be 
hardened  before  night.  I  told  his  secretary  within 
a  hour,  and  he  ordered  'em  before  sundown  on  my 
word.  Oh,  they  think  high  on  me — all  on  'em  ! 
He  dassent  refuse  to  take  my  orders. 

But  I'd  no  need  to  have  worried — no,  indeed  !  I 
felt  ashamed  to  think  I  had  let  my  mind  sally  back 
to  that  old  Egyptian  Pharaoh. 

Martin's  repentance  didn't  prove  to  be  short-lived 
and  evanescent — no,  indeed  ! 

He  divided  his  property  equally  between  himself 
and  his  little  pardner.  He  invested  his  pardner's 
money  to  the  best  of  his  knowledge,  and  every  cent 
of  the  interest  of  that  money,  and  it  is  a  immense 
sum — millions  of  dollars.  He  uses  it  only  as  the 
steward  of  his  pardner.  It  all  goes  to  help  the 
poor — to  try  to  defend  'em  from  dangers,  tem 
poral  and  speritual,  from  want,  and  from  the  worst 
of  all  dangers — Ignorance  and  Crime. 


712  SAMANTHA   IN    EUROPE. 

Dear  little  Silent  Pardner !  I  wonder  if  you 
know  it  ?  I  wonder  if,  when  grateful  hearts  rise  in 
prayer,  callin'  you  the  saviour  of  their  lives  and 
happiness — I  wonder  if  them  prayers  and  grateful 
thoughts  bloom  out  in  some  divine  way,  as  they 
reach  the  Heavenly  country,  so  you  can  see  the 
desire  of  your  little  heart,  and  know  that  it  is 
granted  ? 

Are  you  ever  permitted  to  come  down  in  the 
stillness  of  a  Summer  evenin'  and  stand  clost  by  the 
side  of  that  white-haired  old  man,  who  grew  old  so 
fast  after  you  left  him,  whose  heart  yearns  for  you, 
and  who  is  a-tryin'  so  faithfully  to  carry  out  his  lit 
tle  pardner's  wishes?  He  sez  that  sometimes  he 
feels  that  you  are  so  near  to  him  that  he  almost  ex 
pects  to  see  your  face  blossom  out  of  the  dark,  like 
the  evenin'  star  out  of  the  misty  twilight.  And  so 
he  can  live,  he  sez. 

Did  you  stand  in  the  church  when  Alice  wuz 
married  to  the  man  she  loved  ?  A  ray  of  gold  light 
shone  out  sudden  and  luminous  and  lit  her  sweet 
face  as  she  took  her  solemn  vows. 

Wuz  it  you,  little  Pardner  ?  wuz  the  joy  and  glory 
in  your  face  permitted  to  shine  for  a  moment  on 
the  one  you  loved,  in  the  supreme  hour  of  her 
life? 

We    can't    tell    this,  little    Adrian,  but    we  see 


"GOOD-NIGHT,    LITTLE    PARDNER."  713 

your  work  goin'  on  from  day  to  day,  and  we  bless 
you  for  it. 

We  see  it  in  the  safety  and  protection  thrown 
around  the  masses,  protectin'  'em  from  physical 
and  moral  ills  ;  in  the  great  free  school  which  bears 
your  name  ;  in  the  Adrian  Home,  where  sick  and 
poor  children  find  a  home  and  tender  care  ;  in  the 
University,  where  your  picter  hangs  over  the  door 
way — a  doorway  where  any  poor,  ignorant  boy  may 
enter,  and  go  out  a  scholar  ;  in  the  large,  plain 
church,  whose  best  ornament  is  the  stained-glass 
winder  bearin'  your  name  in  gold  letters,  where  a 
pure  Christianity  is  taught  to  all,  rich  and  poor,  and 
the  Blessed  Master  is  brought  near  to  sad  lives  by 
the  anointed  lips  of  consecrated  genius — where 
rich  and  poor  worship  the  God  man  together. 
The  poor  givin'  their  strength  and  good-will,  the 
rich  givin'  their  wealth  and  learnin',  and  so  be- 
comin'  a  strong  bulwark,  protectin'  society  from  the 
high  flood  of  undisciplined  passions — Ignorance 
and  Crime. 

Do  you  see  it  all,  little  Pardner  ?  Sometimes  I 
think  you  do. 

I  am  writin'  this  at  the  open  winder  you  looked 
out  of  as  you  sed  you  would  work  for  the  poor. 

And  as  I  think  how  you  have  worked  for  'em, 
and  are  still  a-workin',  my  heart  is  as  full  of  the 


SAMANTHA   IN   EUROPE. 

thought  of  you,  little  Adrian,  as  the  voyalets  you 
loved  are  filled  with  their  strong,  onseen  perfume. 

And  as  I  set  askin'  these  questions,  the  twilight 
shades  are  fallin',  the  evenin'  star  shines  bright  above 
the  golden  west. 

And  wuz  that  the  odor  of  English  voyalets  that 
svvep'  by  the  open  \vinder  on  the  night  breeze? 
There's  a  bed  of  'em  down  in  the  garden.  Did  the 
soft  breeze  eome  from  that  way—  or  further  off  ? 

But  I  stop  and  lean  out  of  the  winder  and  say— 

"  Good-night,  little  Adrian — good-night,  little 
Pardner — till  mornin'." 

And  wuz  that  a  soft,  fur-off  echo,  or  wuz  it  my 
own  thoughts  that  repeated — "Till  mornin'"? 


Otter  Works  by  Josiah  Allen's  Wife. 


Poems. 

A  Charming  Volume  of  Poetry.  By  " JOSIAH  ALLEN'S  WIFE." 
Beautifully  Illustrated  by  W.  H.  GIBSON  and  other  Ar 
tists.  Beautifully  bound.  Square  121110,  216  pp. 
Cloth,  $2.00. 

"  Will  win  for  her  an  honorable  place  among  American  poets."— Chicago 
Standard. 

Samantha  Among  the  Brethren. 

By  "JosiAH  ALLEN'S  WIFE."  100  Illustrations.  Square 
I2ino,  452  pp.  Cloth,  $2.50. 

"It  is  irresistibly  humorous  and  true." — Bisliop  John  P.  Newman. 

"It  is  full  of  meat  as  an  egg.  .  .  .  Calculated  to  do  immense  good  in  that 
department  of  women's  rights  which  relates  to  her  participation  in  the  great 
work  of  the  Church  of  Christ,  beyond  the  scrubbing  and  papering  of  the  meeting 
house.'1'' — Ex-Judge  Noah  Davis. 

Sweet  Cicely; 

Or,  Josiah  Allen  as  a  Politician.  A  Fascinating  Story. 
Square  121110,  390  pp.  100  Illustrations.  Cloth,  $2.00. 

"The  interest  of  the  book  is  immense.  .  .  .  Never  was  such  a  defender  of 
women's  rights,  never  was  such  an  exponent  of  women's  wrongs  !  In  Samantha's 
pithy,  pointed,  scornful  utterances  we  have  in  very  truth  the  expression  of 
feelings  common  to  most  thoughtful  women,  well  understood  among  them,  but 
rarely  finding  voice  except  in  confidential  intercourses  and  for  sympathetic 
ears.  .  .  .  Alongside  of  the  fun  are  genuine  eloquence  and  profound  pathos  ;  we 
scarcely  know  which  is-the  more  delightful." —  The  Literary  World,  London ,  Eng. 

Samantha  at  the  World's  Fair. 

By  JOSIAH  ALLEN'S  WIFE.  Over  100  Illustrations  by  C.  DE 
GRIMM.  8vo,  700  pp.  Elegantly  Bound.  Cloth,  $2.50; 
Half  Russia,  $4.00. 

"  There  is  no  brighter  literary  outgrowth  of  the  great  event  of  1893  than  this 
volume  (.'  Samantha  at  the  World's  Fair  ')  from  the  pen  of  one  of  America's  hap 
piest  humorist." —  The  Union  Signal,  Chicago,  III. 

"  Aside  from  the  fun  of  the  book,  it  recites  multitudes  of  facts  of  positive 
value." — The  Daily  Inter-Ocean,  Chicago,  111. 


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APR  19 1941 M 


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2  9 


1981 


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^.BERKELEY  LIBRARIES 


M69939 


THE  UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


